OPINION
Page 6 n THE ASIAN REPORTER
March 2, 2015
Volume 25 Number 5
March 2, 2015
ISSN: 1094-9453
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MY TURN
n Wayne Chan
The three-headed monster
with six arms & six legs
e have a problem.
In our home, there’s an incredibly de-
structive force we’ve been up against for
quite a while. It’s a physical menace, wreaking
havoc on anything of value that we hold dear. We’ve
tried our level best to protect ourselves and our
belongings, but to no avail. No matter what we do,
no matter what we try, something in our house will
be destroyed.
The worst part of it is, we brought this on
ourselves. We willingly brought this burden into our
homes. As hard as it is to believe, this is something
we actually wanted.
What is this nuisance that affects the very fabric
of our lives?
One word — children. You may have heard of
them. We’ve got three of them, as if one child
destroying the home wasn’t enough.
I know what you’re going to say — “Children, the
magic of life, so pure and innocent, they spring from
our protective arms to take with them all the love
and curiosity they have and make the world a better
place.”
Really?
Well, our first magic of life knocked down an
expensive sculpture in the hallway while playing
ball in the house, despite being told more than a
million times not to play ball in the house. What’s
even more galling is that this magic of life had the
nerve to actually look surprised when we started
yelling at him for knocking down an expensive piece
of artwork while playing ball in the house even
though we’ve told him not to play ball in the house
more than a million times.
Our second magic of life decided to reheat a
burrito in the microwave. Despite me showing him
the proper way to open this microwave oven is to
first lift up on the handle then pull the door open, he
yanked on the handle so hard that the microwave
W
came out of the cabinet and smashed on the
floor. But hey, at least he managed to heat his
burrito.
Our third magic of life, our beautiful daughter,
managed to top both her brothers in the amount of
damage she could inflict while simultaneously
leaving no options for us to punish or even admonish
her.
Being the helpful child that she is, she
volunteered after dinner to put away all the clean
dishes that were drying. In the process of putting
away a valuable piece of china, she accidentally
dropped it on our expensive glass stovetop and
smashed the stovetop into a million pieces, breaking
not only the costly stovetop, but the high-priced
china as well.
Despite being full of rage and now needing to
replace a brand new stovetop and throw away
now-shattered china, I don’t even get the
satisfaction of chewing out my child for breaking it
in the first place.
What am I supposed to say? “How many times
have I told you not to help out around the house?”
Before you start in with me about the beauty of
children, listen, I get it.
Sure, they were cute when they were young. And
yes, I’m sure I’ll be a proud dad when I see my kids
graduate, get married, and start careers of their
own, out on their own. But one is in the past and the
rest is all in the future. As Janet Jackson once sang,
“What Have You Done For Me Lately?”
I’ll let you in on one secret I’m really looking
forward to — grandchildren. Grandchildren are
what I call “payback time.”
One day you’ll see me in my rocking chair, a
gregarious, cheerful grandpa looking over the magic
of life that are my grandchildren. I’ll bounce them
on my knee, give them hugs, and hand out baseballs
by the crate.
Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication.
Celebrate the
Year of the Sheep!
February 19, 2015 to
February 7, 2016
Read our special Lunar New Year edition
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