Image provided by: Ashland School District #5; Ashland, OR
About Southern Oregon miner. (Ashland, Or.) 1935-1946 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 3, 1950)
S O U T H E R N O R E G O N N E W S R E V IE W T H U R S D A Y , A U G . 3, 1050 PAGE SEVEN Honest Cal Coolidge VIRGIL How mild can a cigarette be? D R E S ID E N T Calvin Coolidge was * scrupulously exact In money I matters. When he returned to pri vate life, In 1020, he accepted an offer to write a series of articles for a national magazine. When he submitted the last one, he included an article written by his wife. The editor paid for Mrs. Cool idge's article at the usual rate, but did not print it. A few days later, Coolidge Invited the editor to breakfast. “ I see you didn't print my wife’s article,” he said. and among the millions who do... " I ’m sorry,” apologized the ed itor. "We couldn't manage the space." " In that case,” said Coolidge, w A o t l a r r . d in opening his wallet, "we can’t keep " S t . l k P a c if ic " this check.” Ezio Pinza says: "Mildness is all- Despite the other’s protests, he Insisted upon returning It. A mo important to me as a s in g e r . I ment later, the waiter handed smoke the ciga Coolidge the breakfast check. He rette that agrees with my th roat... glanced at It, then showed It to C a m e il" the editor. "A $1 50," he said. "You owe me 75c.” MORE PEOPLE SMOKE CAMELS than any other cigarette! Experiment for Comfort by CloA S Hooi SUNNYSIDE I f PH W IL L IK E R , the laziest man A-* In Jayhawk county, was con ducting an experiment. Lolling in his favorite rocker on the front porch of his little cabin, he would turn his face to the west and rock a little while, then turn toward the south and rock some more Chang ing back, the experiment would go on. "W hat’s the trouble, Eph?” his wife called out, finally attracted by his peculiar conduct. "What are ye’ movin' about so much fur?” "Jest tryin’ to find out which Is the easiest—rockin' east and west with the wind, or north and south with the grain in the floor,” was Eph’s reply. EZIO PINZA New Wording The Washington biological sur vey, which puts metal bands on wild birds to study their m igra tory habits, recently ordered new bands with different wording. They now read “ Notify fish and wildlife services, Washington. D. C.” Formerly the bands said simply. “ Wash. Biol. Surv.” Unofficial explanation of the change: An irate taxpayer's let- ter complained: “Sirs. I shot one of your pet crows and followed instructions. I washed it, I boiled it, arid I surved it. It was terrible. Stop fooling the people.” MARKSMANSHIP M U T T A N D JEFF A man applied at a stable for a Job as helper. " I suppose you know everything about horses?” "Oh, yes, sir. I've been handling horses all my life.” "Know how to feed 'em. keep ’em In condition, hitch up a rig and all?” "Yes, sir.” “ I suppose you’re also fam iliar with mules?” The job-seeker shook his head Impressively. “Boss, I know too much about mules to get fam iliar with ’em .” By Bud Fisher A tipsy hunter was standing In a rocking boat trying to get a bead on one solitary duck flying over a lake. After weaving his rifle back and forth several times, he at last fired, and to the astonishment of onlookers, the duck dropped. A spectator congratulated the happy huntsman on his fine marksman ship under such adverse conditions. His modest answer was, “Well, out of the whole flock up there, I ought to get at least one.” JITTER B y A rth u r P o inter z7 I O M .O M .......... L O O K « I I K I T H A T CAOOV r * v o u â t i t in tb o u b l s WYLDE AND WOOLY < £ our DAYS W ITHOUT By Bert Thomas pood , Radio Influence Sammy’s father was an ardent radio fan. Every evening he had special programs to which he listened, but of them all his favor ite was a “ continued” mystery thriller. The four-year-old couldn't take it all In, but he was quite content to sit for hours in his father’s lap, listening to the music and dialogue pouring from the speaker. So his mother was not particu larly surprised to hear him con clude his little prayer one night with the announcement: “Tomorrow night at this time there will be another p rayer!” Entitled to Respect The Industrialist, Charles M. Schwab, decided one day to attend a performance of that perennial stage farce, "Charley's Aunt," and accordingly requested his secre tary to get two tickets for him. Handing some money to one of the office boys, the secretary said, "Go around to the theater and get two tickets for ‘Charley’s Aunt,’ please.” The boy, a quiet and thoughtful youngster, walked to the door, then retraced his steps to the secretary's desk and respectfully suggested, “Don’t you think I ’d better say M r. Schwab's aunt, sir?” CAR E X P E R T b rig h ter teeth / in just one week Amazing results proved by independent scientific test. For cleaner teeth, for a brighter sm ile. . . try Caloi yourself I ADVICE TO PARENTS U SUFFERING FR O M OYER- EXPOSURE, AND LIM PING O N A SPRAINED ANKLE, WE FIND WYLDE WEST TRUDGING WEARILY ACROSS THE WILDERNESS — L O S T / "Know anything about cars?” "Been mixed up with ’em a bit.’ “Mechanic?” "No, pedestrian.” Child Training Expert—If your children become unmanageable, quickly switch their attention. Puzzled Parent—Their what? Trip to the Dentist While taking his wife to the den tist for a couple of extractions, a portly, graying husband sought to boost his spouse’s spirits by whis tling a blithe, rollicking tune as he drove along. Finally the unhappy woman turned to him and said, “ Because you're a veteran of World W ar I, I'm sure you know the Importance of morale building, Jim. But, please don't keep whistling ’The Yanks Are Coming, The Yanks Are Coming.’ ” SURPRISE Disappointed! Rudolph had heard a great deal about his little cousin Peter, but had never met him. So when he heard Peter was coming to his house for a visit, the youngster was overjoyed. But when his cousin arrived, he took one look at him and burst Into tears. “ I thought," he wailed, “ that Peter was a rabbit!” FOOLISH W H IT E MAN " T O T H IN K O F ALL T H E B EA U TIFU L S H O E D E S IG N S T N E Y 'R e /M A K IN G N O W , A N D A L L I E V E R G E T IS S A N D A L S / " "DAD, IF YOU'RE W O R R IED A B O U T THE OFFICE W HY N O T SPEAK TO HERBIE ? HE G O T A IM S ’ 0 - PLUS IN BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION/* When the white man discov ered this country the Indiane were running it. There were no taxes, there was no debt. The women did ell the work. And the white men thought they could Improve on a system like that! The mother was buying a fountain pen for her daughter as a going away to school pres ent. “ It's to be a surprise. I sup pose?” observed the clerk. ” I ’II say It Is,” said the moth er. “ She's expecting a convert ible.” California Style A woman traveling by train was talking to a man in the next seat. In describing her holiday, she said that she had visited San Jose. “You pronounced that wrong," said the man. “ I t ’s San Hosay. In California you pronounce all the | J ’s as H's. When were you there?” The woman thought a moment, then answered: “ In Hune end Huly.” A product of MCKESSON A ROBBINS WNU—13 31—90 MANY NEVER SUSPECT CAUSE OF BACKACHES A* we get older, stress and «train, over* exertion, excessive smoking or exposure to cold sometimes slows down kidney funo* tion. Thia may lead many folks to com plain of nagging backache, lose of pep and energy, headaches and dizziness. Getting up nights or frequent passages may result from minor bladder Irritation s due to cold, dampness or dietary Indiscretions. I f your discomforts are due to these causes, don't w ait, try Doan's Fills, a mild diuretic. Used successfully by millions for over 60 years. W hile these symptoms may often otherwise occur. It's amazing how many times Doan's give happy r e lie f- help the 16 miles of kidney tubx«a and filten flush out waste. G et Doan's Fills todsyi D oan ’ s P ills . Help relieve distress of MONTHLY FEM ALE COMPLAINTS Are you troubled by distress of fe male functional periodic disturb ances? Does thia make you suffer from pain, feel io nervous, tlred-**t such times? Then start taking Lydia E. Plnkham’a Vegetable Compound about ten days before to relieve such symptoms. Plnkham’a baa a grand soothing effect on one of wom an’s m ost Im portant organs/ Truly the woman’s frler i 1 NIDI! E. PINKHM'S S S V
