SO UTHERN OREGON NEWS REVIEW
Thrifty to Moke
BROADWAY AND M A IN STREET
This Guy Khrustalev Must Have a Lot of Crust,
Making Fun of Poor Old Joe Stalin That W ay
By BILLY ROSE
Generalissimo Joseph V Stalin
Chairman, Council of Ministers
Krem lin, Moscow, U. S. S. R.
Dear Joe:
exploded nothing but giggles Tim e
magazine reprinted the item as a
gag, m y chorus g irls threatened to
picket the Russian consulate, and
the syndicate which handles my
s tu ff picked up a few more papers
A L L OF WHICH should have
taught yo u r word-wasters a lesson,
but it d id n 't.
A few d.i>s -igo.
someone m a ile d me the February
issue of your magazine, Novy M ir
(New W o rld ', and—io and surprise!
—in it was an a rtic le by one P.
K hrustalev which, by way of docu
m enting the degeneracy of A m er
ican culture, described me as “ a
gangster w ith three chins” who
“ m urdered a man and grabbed his
c a p ita l."
/ took this. I assure you. as a
plaudit rather than a potshot.
On your way up, as I get it. you
knocked off a couple of hanks
yourself, and since have undoubt
edly knocked off an opponent or
three. Khrustalev. it was evident,
meant to he complimentary when
he word-painted me in the image
of Soviet Citizen .No. 1.
A ll kidding aside, though, don't
you th in k it's about tim e you sent
fo r your ty p e w rite r assassins and
pointed out that th e ir releases are
getting m ore howls than hosannas?
And w hile you're at it, you m ight
point out that Joe Goebbel's theory
—the bigger the lie the more apt it
is to be believed—only works w ith
people who desperately want to be
lieve the lie.
One1 thing m ore: I fra te rn a lly
suggest you keep an eye on this
K hrustalev fellow who said I had
three chins. Such a man, in a re ck
less moment, m ig h t describe his
p re m ie r as having tw o heads.
Sincerely.
B illy Rose
King T ut's Sandals
Still In a stntc ot perfect con-
servutlon, n pair of leather soled
sandals, painted and embossed io
gold, w ere found in the tomb ol
Tutankhamen in Egypt. Painted
on the Inner soles were figures ol
traditional enemies, Syrians and
Libyans, "on whom the King
trod” .
Farm Fish Ponds
F a rm fish ponds are gaining
widespread p o p u la rity, and m any
thousands of these impoundments
To Women With
of a ll sizes have been b u ilt during
Sporting his
W H IT SA Y?
the past few years. Methods were
firs t new hat In 50 years, F ra n k
Nagging Backache
developed In A labam a fo r Increas
E. G im le t!, fam ous h e rm it of
ing fish production In ponds by
A rbor V illa , Colo., and advo
Aa a t »at oldar, alraaa »nil »train. ovar-
the use o f co m m e rcia l fe rtiliz e r. It
cate of a re tu rn to the gold
aiartlon, aai-naalva anioklns or aipoaura to
now is possible fo r a southern fa rm
standard, shows how he re
m id attiuaUmaa »low» down kliluay luna
er to raise 250 pounds of fish per
tion T ill» may l»ad many l«lka 1» o"™
gained control of his speech
plain ol nagging barkarha. loo ol pap and
acre of w ater in a year. Thia Is
after suffering a stroke last
anargy, baadai-baa and dlaalnaaa. G atlins
com parable to the production of
February.
up night» or lrat|Uanl |>aaaagaa may raault
livestock on an acre of good upland.
from minor bladdar Irritation» dua to cold,
danipnaaa or dlalary Indlaeratlona.
Although yields m ay be somewhat
I I your dlacomlorta nra dua to th«aa
low er in the N orth, owing to the
This Is
rauaaa. don't « a lt, try Doan'» I'llla, a mild
shorter grow ing season, the pond
diurvilc. liaad au<-r«aalully by million» lor
uvar 60 yaara W blla lhaaa aympioma may
Your Paper
m ovem ent is gaining ra p id ly in that
oltan olharwlaa urrur, It*» amaalng how
region.
many tlraaa Doan'a glaa happy rail»!—
Ill-Ip Iha 16 mllaa ol hldnay tuba» and Itllara
Ponds are useful not only fo r fish
tluah out waala. Gat Doan'a I'llla tudayl
productioin but fo r stock w ater and
domestic ducks and geese. Some
fa rm e rs have made th e ir ponds
sm all w a te rfo w l sanctuaries where
; w ild birds are decoyed by tam e
ducks and fed d u rin g the fa ll m l-
By W illiam R. Nelson
’ gration.
P U B L IC IT Y chairm an of a
Fish ponds are kept free of leafy
pro m in e n t c iv ic group rushes vegetation by deepening the m a rg i
breathlessly Into the newspaper nal areas. Food fo r young fish is p O K HER best dress! it's a
simple pattern and easy to
office, her face a picture of w orry.
memorize -skirt is straight tubu
“ I hope you w ill fo rg ive m y be
lar piece; top, easy crochet too! i
ing late w ith our news, but I sim p ly
w o o
forgot w hat day this is ." she ba-
S h e 'll be ao p rou d o f h e r new c ro e h e ie d
gan. “ I ju s t have to get this an
f io ik !
P u ite r n 7S38 lie » d lre c llu n a foi
with whit* lia r end h o i*
■ lir a 2. 4. «1
nouncement into the paper.”
KELLOGG
S VARIETY
S end 20 re n te In c oin , your nam e
In a m etro-
PACKAGE
o re » * -'I'd u u tte tn n u m b er to
Deadline
politan
news-
• Lovely ■»!viTwitr«' w ith
Is
paper o f f i c e
your own ec-nut m il it» I.
H ew ing C lr e le N e e 4 l* * r a f t D «p t.
O
ld C o m p a n y Plat»? m a d e
Deadline
nothing
could
I*. O . H a« »710 C h ir a c « HO. Il l e r
I*. O. II» » K t . Old I h rla e » M a llo n ,
a n d g i i i t r a b y W in .
be done to help
N ew Y « rh I I . N . V.
H o fe r* M fg.(
M u rid m .
her. Deadline is deadline there. But,
E n c lo se 20 c e n t* fo r p a tte rn .
Conn. W ith spoon*, you
in the home town paper o ffl.'e it
gut prio** on complete
•er vice—offered by . . .
is sometim es d iffic u lt to be so rig id
Kellogg’« VAMIKTY o f 7
about deadlines. In the hypothetical
cereal delight* . . . 10 j[en-
Instance cited, let us assume an
e ro u * b o iv a . D eliciou s
exception is made. Here is what
anytime!
would probably happen.
BOY O’BOY/ POP'S RIGHT/
The breathless chairm an would go furnished by the m inute fre e -livin g
her way m uch relieved. Although plants and animal» that m u ltip ly
MAKES
in
fe rtilize d
water.
received a fte r deadline tim e, her abundantly
THINGS
RUN
organization's news w ill be in the These pond areas usually are
By Richard H Wilkinson
LIKE N E W /
fenced against grazing to prevent
paper, as usual.
S IN D T O D A Y I
At the newspaper, however, the ¡siltin g . The im m ediate m a rg in o f!
K«4l«oo*i.D«p» FF,Wollln<i<©*4,Conn««»l<t4
ch a irm a n 's tardiness has precip i the w ater cu sto m a rily is kept cle a r i
“ W hat's happened?” Warren
// • p V E R Y M A N .” said Inspector
Please tend in««
. . . *‘Si|fnnturo” U»a-
itated a chain reaction of upset to make fishing easier and to keep I
barked at Fargo, ignoring the
jEi Joe W arren, fro w n in g over
•p oo M with following in it ia l............
the
im
poundm
ent
from
collecting
|
schedules
th
a
t
w
ill
affect
v
irtu
a
lly
Incoherent babble of Mrs. Dev
For each unit aet of 1 apoone. I en
the le tte r w hich he held in his
By IN E Z G ER H AR D
leaves and brush. However, plant- ! Ie ri
close 1 white «tar end from Kellogg’*
every m em ber of the staff.
r C m «
onshire.
hand, “ has a weak point. In the
VAMKTY
i * a < k a <. b and 1M in coin.
,
DONALO
O N ALD COLM AN has emerged
An ed ito r w ill have to handle an ings of conifers and shrubs m ay be |
" It 's gone,” F argo grated. “ About
_ case
of
‘The
used
on
the
watershed
or
in»ide
the
I
Nom*. . •
so com pletely fro m professional
Flash? m ost d a r an hour ago. I was standing behind other news story. One or m ore item s
(fence of the pond area itse lf Musk-
(pi«o»« p«W«f)
re tire m e n t th a t nobody would be
ing c rim in a l of M rs. Devonshire in the reception already in type w ill have to be ! rats must be excluded from fi»h j
Addr««« .
shortened
to
make
room
fo
r
the
surprised if he returned to his firs t
this c ity ’ s c r im i line. Someone poked a gun in my
ponds as there is not food fo r them ,
love, the stage, where L ilia n Gish
. Z o n e .. . S lo t * .. • • • •
C ity.
nal histo ry, it ap back and told me to w alk back late story. Type a lre -d y set w ill
and they would be a th re a . to dikes j
Otta» g o a d a*ly M U S . o a b y tl I
have
to
be
discarded
and
m
ore
discovered him years ago and had
wards.
When
I
saw
the
fellow
's
pears to be van-
<»e»«f
f
a
t
a l r o ÿ u l t t l tsrsi
i and dams.
h im engaged as her leading m an „ y .. He gestured tow ard the le tte r
face I knew it was The Flash, be set. Page dum m ies w ill have to be
Fish
ponds
should
not
be
stocked
1
In "T he W hite S is te r." His radio , . . j he fellow has becorne dru n k cause he was a dead rin g e r for altered. Lockup of page form s w ill
be delayed. P rin tin g and d is trib u ¡in d iscrim in a te ly w ith m any kinds
show. “ The H alls of I v y , " Wednes- w ith hig success ¡n accom plishing m yse lf.”
of fish. Some of the highest yields
“ A rin g e r fo r y o u !”
W arren tion w ill be o ff schedule.
tw o outstanding robberies. And
This probably have been obtained by stocking
now he has taken to w ritin g us le t gasped. “ What the d e vil do you
Couse
e x a g gerated new ponds w ith 100 largem outh
ters, sta tin g ju s t where he's going mean?”
of
e x a m p l e of black bass and 1,000 to 1,500 blue
“ I m ean,” said F a rg o g rim ly ,
to be at a certain tim e and w hat he
Inconvenience w hat happens g ill fin g e rlin g s per surface acre.
"th a t his disguise this tim e looked
plans to do.”
The proper building and operating
when someone
He
D etective
F argo
blew
smoke like me. generally speaking
rin g s at the ce iling and evaded his forced me into a closet and cracked imposes late news upon the paper, of* a pond requires professional
me over the head. N a tu ra lly no is duplicated, even m ore disrupt- guidance. In m ost areas this can
c h ie fs eyes.
“ So fa r ,” he said, "he seems to one noticed th a t anything was hap ingly, whenever an advertiser fails be furnished by the soil conserva
tion service. In some states the
have been p re tty successful in car pening, as M rs. Devonshire was ex to get copy to the paper on tim e.
As long as humans are prone to state conservation departm ent also
ry in g out his plans. This is the h ib itin g her em erald at the tim e.
forget, have accidents, or other provides assistance. B ulletins on
th ird le tte r w e've received.
“ Ten minutes ago 1 came to
wise be delayed in p e rfo rm in g du the subject can be obtained fro m
and
began
to
kick
on
the
door.
“ Each tim e The Flash has
ties, it w ill probably be necessary the Superintendent of Documents,
Devonshire opened it. I rushed
appeared where he said he
fo r stores and newspapers to occa I the U.S. D epartm ent of A g ricu ltu re ,
to M rs. Devonshire and discov
would at e xactly the tim e de
sionally accept such im positions. and the U.S. Fish and W ild life
ered th a t she had ju st missed
noted in his letters. And while
B ut these disruptions of necessary Service, a ll of Washington, D C.
her e m erald.— The Flash has
dvS iiaf
w e’ve stood id ly by he's com
A A A
schedules w ill be m a te ria lly re
outsm arted us a g a in !”
m
itte
d
his
crim
es
and
es
Pip» fa n s a n d " m o k ln 'g -
RONALD COLMAN
duced,
no
doubt,
when
people
fu
lly
caped. W hat’s he up to this
W arren slumped w e a rily into a
am okors b o th fin d g r o e to r
realize what inconvenience th e ir Teach Them Young
sm oking |o y In c rim p cwt
chair.
tim e ? ”
•
day nights on NBC. was the firs t
tardiness causes.
K e lly DeBusk. Oklahoma state
Prlnco A lb e rt — A m a rlc o 'a
"T
o
m
o
rro
w
,”
he
groaned,
“
every
step. N ext came the h ila rio u s i “ The D evonshire p a rty ,” W arren
Whenever you have news or ad ! game and fish d ire cto r, has some
lo rg e a t-le llln g sm oking
U nited
A rtis ts
picture.
“ Cham- j growled. The tru th of F a rg o ’ s state- newspaper in the c ity w ill have the
to b a c c o l
ve
rtisin g fo r the paper, get it in thoughtful and Inspiring advice for
story.
I
t
w
ill
be
the
most
h
u
m
ilia
t
pagne fo r Caesar,” his firs t film ' m ent scored h im . “ M rs. Devonshire
w ell ahead of the deadline. You sportsmen in last m onth's issue of
in three years. Colman is wonder- I is planning to w ear th a t valuable ing m om ent of m y life .”
w ill get better service, and have the Oklahoma Game and Fish
Fargo sm iled b itte rly .
ful as a double-or-nothing quiz con- em erald her husband brought her
the satisfaction of know ing that you News:
“ E ve ry man has his weak point,”
testant who runs his take up to a fro m Europe a m onth ago. The
Captain Eddie R ickenbacker says,
$40.000.000 ja ckp o t. Even the tai- ; Flash states in this le tte r that he he said. “ Yours seems to be did not impose upon the newspa
p e r’s people.
j “ Sportsmen should teach beginners
ented p a rro t who plays “ C aesar" intends to steal the em erald and v a n ity .”
th e ir obligations as w ell as the
can’t steal scenes fro m h im —quite ' defies us to stop h im .”
pleasures a fie ld ” What are you
a feat!
F a rg o crushed out his cigaret.
LAST WEEK’S
teaching your boy? Y our neighbor's
“ Have you taken any steps to I
¡boy? O r your frie n d ’ s boy?
ANSWER
L ow ell Thomas, CBS newscaster, prevent the robbery?”
Have you told him of the m any
had quite a week recently. The
“ Fargo, as you know, the F lash’ s
| tim es you recognized lim its of
doctor le t him discard the crutches disguise is perfect. H e 'll appear at
QUO
□□□
creel and bag? Have you explained
he'd been using fo r seven months, th a t p a rty as a guest, or servant
□□□a □□□□
¡to
h im the im portance of habitat?
ever since he was throw n fro m a or someone w ith whom the Devon-
22.
Secular
□aaou
boque
3
The
shank
ACROSS
□a uuou □□□ I Have you taught him to see beauty
horse w hile tre k k in g through Tibet. shires are but s lig h tly acquainted.
24. P ut
(A n a t.)
1. Indian
□no uoaa □□
in the dogwood, redbud and sage
through
And his son was m a rrie d , w ith I w ant you to go up there early.
4. Fossil resin
(P eru)
□□□□ ooaaau
a sieve
5. P a rt of face
brush? Is he attracted to the rip p le
Thomas as the best man. The
5. Crowds
□ou
□□□
27. Fate
6. Finnish
of w ater, the song of the brook or
beautiful wedding took place in a
9. A rule o r
naaauo
□□□□
29. Bowl
seaport
standard
ch a rm in g church in Greenwich,
the ch irp in g o f the birds? Is he ac
□a aaoa uao
underhand
7. Vehicles
10. In cite
□aa auca □□
Conn. James M elton sang.
quainted w ith the woods and w ild - I
30. S tirs up
(P a in ts)
11. Bush
□□ bud uciaun
life?
31. Abounding
8. Severe
□□un --
12. Norse god
Have you passed over q u ie tly o r i
Jan S te rlin g ’s standing at
in news
11. Male deer
□□□
14. Tungsten
ever om itted references to yo u r j
P aram ount was
boosted so
33.
P
rim
a
ry
(abbr.)
(p i.)
own unguarded mistakes? Docs the
color
high by audience reaction to
15. God of
boy know w hat sportsmen th in k of
35. Weep con-
her w ork in “ United States
nickname
earth
potshooters” ? Have you told him :
vulsively
42 C ity
16. Insect
M a il" and “ Union S tation,”
(E g y p t.)
of
the c rim e of deer hunting at
(N
B
ra
zil)
36.
Peevish
19.
Sleeveless
17.
A
nger
when they were shown at
45 A tte m p t
night? O r d yn a m itin g streams? Of
37. Around
g a rm e n t
14. Old wine
sneak previews, th a t she was
46. W itch
38. Become
bArab.)
b a itin g duck ponds?
cup
given a top assignm ent in
m ature
48. Pen point
21.
Male
cat
Does he understand th a t a game i
10.
C
ity
(V
t.)
“ Ace in the Hole.”
N o. fin
23. T alks
ranger, a servant of the people,
1
7
B
25. Gazelle
4
s
2
«
1
2
would welcome his sincere coopera
Mona Freem an has been w or
(T ib e t)
1
1
tion? Have you emphasized to this
A. 1 Baynnlda Tobacco Oa.. Wlnalon Balam, M. 0,
rie d ; she's so little and looks so
26 Edible
IO
7
boy th a t a game law vio la to r is a
The choice, n a tu ra lly m ild tobacco selected for Prince
m ollusk
young that she feared she’ d never
thief.
28. C ity ( It.)
»1
Albert is specially treated to insure against tongue bite. And
get roles where she could look her
12
<1
Does
he
know
th
a
t
game
is
cost
The b u tle r’s face was white
32. In place o f
age—25. " I could ju s t see m y
crimp
cut Prince Albert gives a fresh, full-flavored smoke right
ly and valuable? T h a t fish are a
34. Center
and draw n.
daughter grow ing up,” said she,
ta
17
IS
p*
down to the bottom of the humidor-top tin.
luxury?
W
hat
are
you
yourself
do
3 5. Broadcast,
“ And going to the movies w ith a
ing fo r game a id fish besides h a r
as seed
20
SIAOW
2»
u
boy frie n d , pointing to a bobby- m eet M rs. D evonshire when she
18
vesting some o f it?
39. A rch
comes
down
stairs
and
stick
w
ith
soxer on the screen and saying
40.
Sphere
%
I
A
A
A
2&
ZA
¿5
" T h a t’ s m y m o th e r’ ” , B ut now her u n til the last guest has gone.
41. Slope
M ona's happy; she looks her age Then see to i t th a t the em erald is
The Bass
U
f
i
43. Pronoun
stored away in a safe before you
3<
3«
2«
25
z*
In “ B randed.”
44.
SU11
a
t
a
leave. I ’l l have Johnson and a
Bass can be tru ly called A m e r
fa ir
couple of other men m in g lin g w ith
I
ica’ s game fish, fo r m ore than any
V4
25
47.
F
low
er
S tew art G ra n g e r is going to be the guests.”
other m a jo r fresh w ater ro am er
W A
49. Reliable
stuck in costume pictures fo r a
they o ffe r unexcelled sport to •
»
IT
»•
50.
Am
erican
T 11 O'CLOCK on the nig h t of
long tim e to come. M-G-M was de
f//J
great num ber o f men, women, boys
Indian
the
Devonshire
p
a
rty
Inspec
%
lig h te d w ith his perform ance in
41
4«
Ao
and g irls in the m ost widespread
«
51. R iver of
to
r
W
arren
drew
his
roadster
up
" K in g Solomon’ s M ines,” and w ill
Hades
te rrito ry .
////
before
the
p
a
la
tia
l
mansion
and
now tu rn h im into a swashbuckling
4«
47
45
4«
AA
(m y th .)
Bass live in a good m any places
ascended
the
steps.
hero. He w ill do "R o b in s in C ru
52. Seizes
////
where the spotted tro y t cannot sur
W
arren
stepped
q
u
ic
k
ly
inside.
soe,”
“ Ivanhoe,”
in
full-blow n
44
J / , So
vive because of the high tem pera
DOW N
Technicolor, follow ed by th a t old And at th a t m om ent M rs. Devon
ture of the w ater.
f
a
f
a
shire,
accompanied
by
her
husband
1. Brutish.
S2
fa v o rite ,
“ Scaram ouche,”
and
5*
Several m illio n anglers ye a rly
«ano In 'O r a n a O la O pry*,
then w ill don u n ifo rm fo r K ip lin g ’ s , and D etective Fargo, came fly in g
2 Likewise
v is it our lakes and streams.
Saturday NlgAta a * NSC
down
the
stairs.
not
“ Soldiers Three.”
It I m ay be so bold. I ’d like to ca ll your attention to a m a tte r w hich
Is no laughing m a tte r, even though i t ’s been getting a lo t of laughs
lately.
N am ely, the recent effo rts o f your propaganda boys to w in
friends and influence people in this p a rt of the w orld.
Take, fo r instance, la st w in te r's
lollapalooza about how your engi said one of them. •'L e i them th in k
neers were nudging
they invented gunpow der." Some
m ountains
w i t h gna«— —
issues la te r, the same periodical
u ranium . We de
ran another captious cartoon in
generate
d e m o-
w hich several P o litb u rocra ts were
crats, whether you
debating the question, "S h all we
know it o r not, are
invent television now or w a it u n til
a fact-m inded peo
they p e rfe ct color?”
ple who th riv e on
As another, and a d m itte d ly pica
details When a fe l
yune, exam ple of what I'm getting
low says he's N a
at. le t me te ll you about m y own
poleon we w ant to
experiences w ith your editors and
see his b irth c e rti
copyw riters.
Billy Kose
ficate,
and when
Ft'dry now and occasionally, at
he's atomized an
<•
soma idle-eye in your press divi
A lp we want to see the hole in the
sion has apparently noticed, I
ground.
take a playful poke at your re
Then there were the recent hum
gime in my column— an etenl
dingers which claim ed that every
which certainly doesn't figure Io
doodad from the wheel to the fly
precipitate a crisis of state. But
ing saucer had been invented by a
instead of filing it in the waste
Russian. Now, I c a n 't doubt that
basket and going about their
m any an im p o rta n t idea has been
business, your name-callers bat e
hatched between the C arpathians
twice made the mistake of an-
and the U rals, but when your prop
su ering back — and both times
aganda m achine gives the rest of
with the finesse of a lumberjack
the w orld cre d it fo r nothing but the
trying to tat.
L in d y hop and the bubonic plague,
The firs t tim e, a year ago, both
a lot of folks who m ig h t otherwise Pravda and Izvestia reported I was
be frie n d ly begin to titte r —and a “ w hite slaver” and that m y
even your le g itim a te claim s get hum pty-dum pty little cabaret was
lost in the chuckle.
“ the biggest bordello in the w o rld .”
OUR MASS REACTIONS were And as if that w e re n 't enough, they
neatly summed up a few months went on to say th a t m y partners in
ago when The New Y o rke r ca r this enterprise were John Edgar
tooned a group of yo u r agents in Hoover and B ernard M. Baruch.
Well, as m ig h t have been ex
China discussing policy. “ The m a in
pected, this bom bastic bom bshell
th in g is to handle them w ith ta c t,”
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