Th« Jacksonville Miner
Pawe 2
The Jacksonville Miner
raainnfi
WWI'y
LEONARD
MAUDE
HEWtRARCR
graphs a luxury In cases like this?
Why not avail yourself of the
services of Hliaugln studios, where
you cun have a good photograph
made and stored for future use
You owe It to your rainlly and
friends. The service ia here you
Dear Doc Wise: Where did the should use It!
Sandwich originate? Mr. Head.
The loss of a member of a fam
Answer' In the Sandwich I x I hik I r ily la always great ho why not do
of course. H htch one of the Head what little you can to lighten their
brothers are you. Pin, Sup. Hone or burden?
See us now Sliungto studio,
Fat?
(adv)
Dear Doc: Will you kindly ol
plain why a black lien ean lay u
In filling out a quest loiitialru. only
while egg. while it la tin possible SI per cent of the students of a
for a white lien to lay a black egg? Kills college Hinted thit they had
- II. S. Quii.
never been kissed That's a fairly
Answer: See Prof Einstein's new good record for this bunch of girls,
bonk on "Relativity," chapter 13. we suppose that 69 per cent of
puge 41. for full explanation of thia tlieni are truthful — Thomaston
hetionienon.
I Ga i Times.
—». ■ ■
I tour Doc : Do you make enough
The
German
state has solateli Eia
money so that you can afford u
’a properly, hut lias lost his
suit of clothes every day tn the ■telu
mind when In danger of losing its
week? Obadiah Oblique.
own Weston Leader.
Answer: Yes; I have them on
...... » .»■
now.
Inflation Is just another one of
those things which everybody ex
Denr Doc: What ia the sweetest plains and nobody understands.—
music in the world? Sylvester Thonuiston (Ga.) Times.
Spitsbergen.
< -
Answer: The clink of American
"When It comes to food for
coin.
thought,” according to The Jackson
ville Minor, “there Is a lot of mal
Dear Doc: When in your opinion nutrition in this country." But
will the world come to an end?-— because the food Isn’t properly di
F Z. 8.
gested. Weston Louder.
Answer:
From
computations
found In the (lout's (Hund Grafter's
Almanac. In the year 979.624.3K5
A. D., about 2 o’clock.
Thanksgiving
■ (
JACKSONVILLE. OREGON
OFFICIAL
What would be an appropriate epi
taph to have engraved on his bond
stone? One not too long -C. D.
Answer "He «hot square with
his friends and got square with his
enemies."
OF JACKSONVILLE
HALL
FOOL..
Addrw« AU CoBwunleatte» te Rol IS*
SubvrrlplkMì Rato* In
Tier............. *1 00
BU Munis................*0<
HMtfeunrtm
TH« Nvocrr cosncmosKRT
Tilinhone IS*
The Editor Speaking
(Continued from page one)
lary seems to be the general sub
stitution for curt, pertinent think
ing. Tongues, and not mental
strain, have been loosened on a
helpless world. What a blessing it
would be if the farm board could
plow under every other row of blah
tomorrow—and finish the job the
next day.
Another truism, revamped, is:
You can drive a man to water, but
you can’t keep him from (hie)
drinking.
“The choke's one you.' might
have muttered the San Jose lynch
mob Sunday.
It has been the wrong set of
r____ carriers
___
condemned in Ore
public
gon. Critics should forget the rail
roads for a moment and do some
thing about these disease-germ
transporters, now with winter com
ing on.
Yes. the lynching of those two
California murderers of Brooke
Hart certainly hemp-ered their or-
neryness.
ESPECIAL CAUSE FOR THANKSGIVING
One of these days we are going
to break open our penny bank and
spend the loot on gasoline enough
to take us to Weston, Oregon,
where Clark Wood spends his time
digging Into Webster’s handbook
and his type cases to heckle his
cross-country pal. Olin Miller.
-».-w
Clark operates a hand-set weekly
In the proximity of Pendleton,
where he once was reporter on the
East Oregonian. Miller, down south,
hasn’t been classified by The Miner
as yet, although he misguides a
rather neat column entitled “Non
sense Notions." Both have given na
tional prominence to otherwise ave
rage weekly newspapers.
The goose wasn’t the only thing
that hanged high in San Jose the
other night, (We’ll make our point
yet.) Two of them were cooked.
■Iso.
'w-»’
Some real estate dealers, lacking
in milk of human kindness, attempt •
to make a cottage cheese out of a
prospect.
There’s an Old Republican In
Medford who seems to be in a con-1
«tant ffogge concerning the Young
Democrats. Some do say he should
be given a window to throw his
Smudge Pot out of.
George Hunt and his effervescent
assistant (with apologies) Fino
Hemmila put zippers on a Holly
wood opening in Medford Satur-1
day evening. “Yowsuh, we shot the
works and no mean firecrackers."
added E. Hemmila, who wants the
customers to come up and see him
some time.
By J. C. REYNOLDS
Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the battles we farmers fought this year
And how in nineteen and thirty-three
We won a notable victory.
But then our system of warfare works
Especially well in fighting Turks.
These greedy tyrants, so rude and rough
For months had stolen our garden-stuff;
Our corn was raided and oats and wheat
By hungry gluttons who live to eat;
Choice melon-oatches were ruined too
By evil-doers, who holder grew;
And when we tried to object, the males
Did nothing but spread their haughty tails
And strut importantly round the place
Gobbling vile insults at our race.
But at last our outraged farmers rose
In wrath to deal with these feathered foes;
And grasping the weapons close at hand,
Cleavers and axes, promptly planned
A raid cm these tyrant buccaneers
To put an end to their wild careers
Intending, after they’d once begun.
To slaughter .or capture every one.
Quickly our battle lines were formed
And Turk headquarters were fiercely stormed
And many a chopping-block dripped red
Prom the blood of a slain oppressor’s head;
While those not thusly accounted for
Were taken as prisoners of war;
And from figures carefully verified
There were no casualties on our side;
Which :s why you see us upon our way
To celebrate this Thanksgiving day.
MILLER WHACKS WOOD
Dear Doc: Can the word "dead"
be used to describe any thing hi I
which life is not entirely extinct?
-Georgianna Gunirush.
Answer Yea; we know a man
who Is dend from hlN aolar-plexla
both ways and yet alive and in
good health. Also we find the word I
"dead" often very nptly used by
poet« as. for example:
"She said Io her husband. 'My
foot is HNleep.’
WHAT A WHALE OF A
And he said. ’Come here Dear
and let’s have a peep.'
DIFFERENCE
A LITTLE
He took off her shoe. held his
SHRINKAGE CAN MAKE!
nose and then Raid,
’Your foot’s not asleep. * Dear,
—That's Why the Pantorlum
the darn thing is dead'.”
Takes Pride In Ite Work!
.
I, . a......
(Continued from page one)
signed agreement, the while licking
his chops in delightful anticipation
' of having blue eagle pie for dinner,
i Imagine his disappointment when
the postmaster handed him a pic
ture! The police department had
Ito rail out the riot squad to control
| Clark, and he jittered and mumbled
for days and days about having PICTURE THIS
been, as he termed it. "skunt out
of a sho-nuff blue eagle.”—Olin
The day is November 11th.
j Miller in Thomaston (Ga.) Times.
The Jones family la having a
—•-------- —
reunion.
iiassea. A few weeks later
AGONY COLUMN Mr. Time
Jones passes away.
The members of the fumlly then
WHEN IN DOUBT, SUSPENSE, want photographs and after much
CONFUSION. FEAR. PERPLEX investigation find tb«re are none.
ITY, UNCERTAINTY OR BEWIL
A daughter brings trt our studio
DERMENT. CONSULT OLD
a small snapshot to enlarge and
DOCTOR B. S. WISE
(The Medicine Man)
All communications shoulde be nd-
MEN’S SUITS
DRESSES, up from
•
$1.00
80c
PANTORIUM
DYE WORKS
6th and Holly
Phone 244
S. C. PETERS
dressed to Dr. B. 8. Wise, Builville,
Bunkum county, Arkansaw.
(D.M.D.)
I>ear Doctor: I am going with an
awful nice young man. He tells me
I he would get down on his kneea
and die for me. Do you think 1 had
better marry him? Innocent Imo
gen.
Answer: Before you accept him.
find out if he will be willing to
i get up on bis feet and work for
you.
Dentist
Opposite Post Office
Jacksonville
Dear Doc: la it true as reported
that President Roosevelt is a good
physiognomist?—Luke Warm.
Answer: Report has absolutely
no foundation. He is either a Bap color in the hope we can reatorn
tist or a Presbyterian; forget for her a picture of the father who
which.
was hero but a few short weeks
ago.
Dear Doc: A close friend of mine
The moral here is: Aro photo-
has passed out. He was a regular
fellow in every sense of the word.
man who hasn’t just had a front
Things are brightening up for tooth pulled.
the Blue Eagle. Paragraphe« are
We never thought we’d like ton
running out of things to say about
HllllllllltHttlHI
it.
silitfs till we heard, the other day. Volume 1
JACKSONVILLE HIGH SCHOOL
Number 9
that a radio crooner has been in
The name Fanny just couldn't
HIGH SCHOOL COOPERATION
stay on a high plane for long. There capacitated because of it.
DAY
was too much lead in it.
(An Editorial)
The High Prospector
Well, at last one technical term
Published Weekly In
Then there's the sad case of the has been solved: Radio frequency
By ELIZABETH WHITE
The Jacksonville Miner
postmaster who refused to allow a undoubtedly refers to the manner
A better name than "High Schoo)
by Students of
story concerning the raffling off of ! in which the instalments come due. Cooperation day” could not have
Jacksonville
High School
a Grange quilt to go through the
I been found for the high school
mail because it “violated some ob-1 Still water rung deen. Maybe workday, Saturday, November 25.! Helen Lamb
Editor
acure anti-lottery regulation,” but that's why shallow people always
Elizabeth White. Assist. Editor
Students proved that they were
who passed a newspaper without | make so much noise.
Manager
willing to work for their school ac Audrey Metzger
comment that threatened blood-
Re|*orters: Hannah Nunn, Grace
tivities
rather
than
to
do
without
shed, revolution, anarchy and trea-
Speaking of the femmes taking them. The Chamber of Commerce Hranarn, Grace Winningham,
son.
Vyrou Bostwick, Paul Hess,
up with sugar daddies, we’d want ; rooms were crowded most of the
Madeleine Metzger.
it to be cmdy-coated too before j day with students willing to go out
Pitifully enough, many loud- we could swallow some of those old
If
they
were
called,
and
some
who
speakers can’t be turned off w!th walrus’ lines.
were not sent out were disap Along came a farmer in an auto
a twist of the wrist. It has to be
pointed.
mobile,
a direct thrust.
If nudism keeps gaining, there’s
As a result of the splendid co- And said “Oh boy! This will be a
a lot of clothiers and tailors who’ll ; operation
meal!”
between the community
Puns may be the lowest form of become disciples whether they like
and high school students, enough
humor, but then we have to have ft or not.
money is now in the treasury to Hut then the turkey hid deep in
some contrast in our column.
some straw;
There will now be a slight pause purchase warmups for the basket- When they tried to find him
| ball boys.
he
The man who can smile is the for station denouncement.
said “Haw. haw!’’
Jacksonville high thanks the
community for their cooperation in But his haw-haws were turned to
moans
supplying students with work last
; Saturday, the High School Coop When the farmer found him and
broke his bones.
eration day.
Jobs were supplied by Mr. and
Mrs. Oscar Lewis, Mr. G. W. God
ward. Mrs. W. J. Nee, Mr. Leonard THE PILGRIMS’ THANKSGIVING
Hall. Mr. R. V. Martin. Mr. Otto (By Mildred Thompson, 7th Orade)
Neidermeyer, Miss Ruth Currin,
Vlas Edith Fenwick, Mrs. Florence When the Pilgrims saw all the
Hunsaker. Mrs. C. P. Srnets, Mrs.
things they would reap
Edith Goodman, Miss Mary Hurst They knew then and there that It
rind Mrs. Mary Norvell.
all wouldn’t keep.
The following made cash dona- So early one evening, when all
1 tions to the student body fund In
work had ceased,
, lieu of work: Mr. Lyman, Mr. Cody They decided to have a big Thanks
and Mr. and Mrs. Wakefield.
giving feast.
•
Cleaning and Preeelng Prlcee
CONGER
FUNERAL PARLORS
Medford. Oregon
The High Prospector
<JÁÑÍJ
Explosives
A COMPLETE STOCK OF GELATIN
AND OTHER TYPES OF POWDER
CAPS and FUSE
Available for Immediate Delivery
Coleman’s Hardware
We Sell for Cash and 8ell for Less
Phone Jacksonville -i3
♦ ♦ ♦
So a man they did send to their
5TH, 6TH, 7TH GRADE8 WRITE
---------------- POEMS
THANKSGIVING
friends, on the run,
To tell of the feast and the holi-
day fun;
Mrs. Hunsaker’s English students
in the fifth, sixth and seventh They said that the feast would be
composing
have
been
grades
held In a week,
Thanksgiving poems. All the verse To give all the hunters their game
written was exceptionally good.
time to seek.
Two of the best appear below:
The women and children had their
THE TURKEY
part to do
(By John M. Salsbury, 6th Grade) In preparing the feast for that New
England crew.
There was an old turkey sitting Then the people sat down to the
table so gay,
on the fence,
A big black turkey that had no To their first great feast on our
Thanksgiving day.
sense;
• This new idee tn home lighting is io greet en improvement
over method« commonly in use in the home that everyone
ihould try oui thit new method et the first opportunity.
A new type floor lamp fumithei either overhead room
illumination, flooding the entire room with shadowier«
light, or the conventional, shaded reading light, direct
ed downward lor individual use ... or both room
lighting and individual reading light combined. These lamps
are now being made by many manufacturers and may be
purchased at your dealer’s. This new idea in home light
ing is a definite improvement. Why not try one in YOUR
living room tonight.
THE CALIFORNIA OREGON
POWER COMPANY