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About Jacksonville miner. (Jacksonville, Or.) 1932-1935 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 3, 1933)
The Jacksonville Miner Pw 2 The Jacksonville Miner NMIthnl Wttb'y at JACKSONVILLE, OREGON Six More Weeks of Winter? tyeu. anvh J w T heke LtORARD ■ AUDE is one . &WP h <* THAT Will NEVEI? SEE H!$ SHAPÓW HALL ROOl AiMieaa All CoamwiilntlM» to Sol 131 Subsetipt ion Rat« In Aihanea. Ona Yw............. «1 00 Alt Month«. . Tilt XVOCKT*1CextTCTIOXERY Telephone l<ii MedfitM HM'lquartars JASMIN A WOODS DRUG STORE Phone <JA STATIC By JOHN BYRNE Laugh and the world laughs with you—weep and vou weep alone. 1 ♦ ♦ ♦ Well, folks, we would like to be able to make you all laugh, or even just smile a little, but these are strenuous times. Scratching around on the bottom of the flour bin is I not very pleasant music. We are glad to note the game commission has put the bounty back on wolves , and cougar effective Feb. 1. If we happened to catch a wolf around the back door, it would help pay the first installment on a new radio. One full grown cougar ki'ls on anaverage of 2 deer per week, the year round, and the cougar seem to be on the increase. Of course of the deer were extermina ted. the cougar themselves would not be safe if the natives had tho right kind of mountain dew. fruit, or noticed for a while—that my pear boxes were several pounds’ capacity smaller than regulation. “When they susp cion anything at all, all you've gotta do is yell 'thief, robber, fire I’ and they all gallop down the boule vard at top speed and forget all about what you're doing yourself. \\ liv, to get away with grand larceny in Jackson county all you have to do is to call policemen and disti^B attorneys crooks amt taxpayers'll become so distrustful of one another they’ll think its some kind of avengeful conspiracy when your own business is a red. Right now I've got every other citizen in Jackson county believing that the only reason papers ami officials oppose me is because I in uncovering I HEIR graft! Bov. that’s a wow! (Art. damn you, I ugh or I'll ram this pearl-handled Colts down your yellow throat.) “You know, the cleverest thing I ever did in my life, how ever, was when I conceived the idea of libeling my opponents iml claiming all employes who wanted pay already owned me money. It sure makes it awkward for a man to put up a good light when half the township thinks lie's already gouged me. ¡Oil yes, thev don’t know that the reason 1 panned John Mann, and all his lifelong friends is because he wouldn't succumb to my advertising manager's blackmail “I wrote a stinking, libelous article, had Si prepare a choice advertising contract, and sent him up to John (figuring that he had the most valuable and highly esteemed reputation in lie county, ami could afford most of all to buy me off) with both of ’em. Si cornered their advertising buyer while the Old Man was out of town, showed Irm the libelous article and the contract at the same time, and told him that if the advertising was hot contracted for, the next morning’s paper would contain the article. Of course it was criminal extortion, but there were no other witnesses, and besides, it took like wildfire. People who had always thought Mann the idol of civic citizenship gloried in the scandal I invented about him. and the slop I smeared in my column. Them sure were the good old davs. “But you know how a good idea grows on one. Why, I ascended the Filthy Throne with lightning rapidity, I got attention, and how! My papers sold like Police Gazettes had found myself!! “Then, not long ago, after I had made a cleaning in jumpin everything from mortgages to promissory notes ami contract.., I got interested in mining. Old Bates, a nut I wouldn't have around me five minutes, had invented a swell wail which fitted well into my pattern and I wet-nursed his miscarriage and fostered his banishment. Ami believe it or not. I BANISHED him and made the people believe George Codding put him out of the way for a fellow down on Foots creek. I got hold of Bates' mine and some equipment—of course I used other people's money and the usual shoestring arrangement, you sap—and started todig out my first million. (I still believe the ground was worth $21.99 a yard but the dastardly gang picked up all the big nuggets the day they finally got me into court.) Like everything else, it was flattering to my vanity -and didn't do my reputation any harm when I fired Foreman Clements off the mine a day or two before I heard he and the boys were going to attach for wages. I sure cooked his goose when I printed an account of how he owed me money, and that all other claims were false. Well, even if they do tic up the mine with labor liens old Bates will hold the sack not me. “It’s a funny thing, too, this being such a small world, that it isn't generally known I've been under observation for mental troubje before. Yes. ’deficiency’ I believe they termed it, but like every other jackpot I’ve ever been in, I got out. No, there’s but a narrow bridge separating genius and insanity, but why should I tell ’em which side I’m on? "By the way, though, things DO look a bit tough right now. I’m not certain just how long the people arc going to swallow my pills here. I’ve touched every financier backer of mine to the breaking point—in fact poor old Will II. Wilson probably would have been saved from bankruptcy if I had’ve returned the $500 he loaned me and the circle is just about complete (around my neck, I fear). I have been trying to get this here Terrible Government congress to snatch my chestnuts out or the legal fire, but somehow I have grave misgivings that they aren’t ready to forcibly dose our circuit court and give me a bit more time to evolve new schemes to keep the good old Breakdown Ball rolling. “What am I going to do when they take the Hogwallow Blatter away from me in a few days? Why didn’t you hear ? As soon as I’m closed out here I'll jump gracefully to Earl’s old shop, which has been cleaned and dusted, and let 'em down with a weekly rumpus. Why not jump over there now? Why you ought to know that f can’t do that—that's outright fraud, nd I never commit a crime unless I can make it appear that it was a conspiracy of the gang. “Did you say ‘what about these miscarriages of justice?’ You think of everything. Artie, my hoy. (By the way, are you my circulation, business or orchard manager today? I can’t seem to remember your official ranking from one edition to the next. Although I demote and promote you almost daily, I DO like your tongue, Art.) Oh yes, those miscarriages. They’re ust like the ‘invisible government’! Haven't you ever heard the wheeze about the ‘invisible mirror?’ Why, when some skeptic wants to sec it. you just assure them it’s there, but because it’s invisible you can't show it to ’em.” tionery. I'll guarantee you’ll find it fresh enough. As it is a splendidi remedy for skinrophobit. We have- established Medford headquarters (Continued from page one) at Jarmin and Woods drug store. I. you are suffering fro-u this dread, disease or even the common mel treacheries of sinister gangs which threaten to blow them off ♦ ♦ ♦ ancholia, have them fill your pre their course. The assembling of the U. S. fleet scription with a subscription to “Why Mateys,” chirps the helmsman, “if your money holds in Pacific waters seems to cause the Japanese some uneasiness. Wei The Miner and if it doesn't cure out, and the more violent stages of paranoia are laggard don't know ourselves whether Unc-1 you your money *111 also be be- enough, we’ll effect a safe landing, recuperate our dwindling le Sam is fishing, prospecting, or|Jont* recovery strength and then set out to scuttle every other ship on the practicing a little subtle diplomacy * * * We do know that 80 cents out of The lies of hate, men. they remind ocean, and. by the grace of the Almighty, we’ll extend our us activities even to Multnomah county, where all good congress every dollar collected by our na men must sow fertile seeds ere they are sent to Washington.’’ tional government goes for war or We might tell a lie sometime, And departing leave behind us war purposes. (Of course the Hogwallow publisher knows how to sow—even Heartache in a friend of mine. ♦ ♦ ♦ down to wild oats.) ♦ ♦ ♦ It is whispered around that a new “These punks who think I’m such a swell guy don’t know With an eye to the warbles in newspaper is to be launched in his cow's back. Con DeVore pre Medford. Well, hotbeds are condu dicts an early spring How time that for years I hive made a practice of overwhelming orchanl cive to the germination of many flies! Cold as it is large families ists with personality and promises, offer them fabulous prices plants and a newspaper plant is no t eport butterflies, In the mean-I ior their properties, bind the deal with an involved contract, exception. The press of the va’lev time and between times snow flies hand them a few thousand dollars to make it look honest, should bury the hatchet long are stringing the Billies in the and then proceed to take a fru t crop off their land the first enough to give the new organ, a higher hills. season worth twice the down payment. Then I always have sower; providing it with enuogh ♦ ♦ ♦ been able to stall ’em off for about two more years with affi swaddling clothes to last until it The other day we were swapping Is off the wide track. davits of prejudice, technicalities and other seemingly legal lies with an old friend of ours, who ♦ ♦ ♦ like a coat sleeve, has been around crookedness and harvest a couple more valuable crops off the We notice the Jacksonville the ladies some. He claims they land, without having to pay taxes, overhead, mortgages or Miner came out In new colors have some stuff called vanishing i anything. last week. We sunpose, along cream that they feed their face? | "These followers of mine have nver been told that I have about March 17 it will come It is the skimmings off the milk of forth representing St. Patrick’s human kindness. We learn from the not only done this same thing once, but DOZENS of times, day in the morning. ’’hilosopher in The Miner, which in southern Cal fornia before I invaded Oregon. And if any ♦ ♦ ♦ we think SLPENDID, there Is a upstart of a newspaper digs into such dope, I’ll promptly let One half of the people don’t cause for everything. We conc’ule the public know the Gang is behind ’em and that they are know how the other half lives. the reason vanishing cream is from Now—when the farmer telephone the milk of human kindness is be attempting to thwart Justice and Law and Order. It’s nobody's lines are not funct’onlng it’s worse cause it is very kind of the ladies business if several Riverside banks have vaults stuffed with yet. We are glad to note howeve" to use It thereby overcoming their I my worthless paper . . . and who should question the fact that that our Applegate editor is still infirmities the fact and making I went through bankruptcy three times, but was always too on the job. After noting the varied it easier to take them at their face smart for ’em to let ’em get my all-in-all? diet of the Foots Creek Cow, w" value. “I’ll tell you, Art, for you are my most trusted stoolie, I’ll believe she might supply the milk ♦ ♦ ♦ of many kind-ness. This brings to mind that vanish call anybody’s damnable bluff who tr’es to tell ’em that I have ♦ ♦ ♦ ing liquor that baffled out late not only done the same thing on EVERY property purchased While the two local editors are grand jury. Not that we wish to :n Jackson county, but I haven’t paid ONE CENT of taxes to being reviewed in their respe"t’v" lay it too close to the door of th? corners, preparatory to another ladies. We consider its disanpear their dinky little county they take so seriously. Not only have barraee of verbal adjectives, and ance to ge a GENTLEMAN (?) I shoestrung hundreds of acres of valuable pear orchards, but our local attorneys stand speech trick, Under normal conditions I also have succeeded in taking as many as two crops off less, and green with envy, wo when Honor disappears it becomes southern Oregon orchards, packed and sold ’em, collected the would like to digress a little, and more noticeable than ever which money, all without having to pay a solitary dime to the grower. give the depression another round. is one reason we are in favor of do In our present dilemma, as we see ing away with the stuff. Don’t Yes. I’m just too smart for ’em. “They don’t even realize that note W. H. Norcross is suing it. there are several courses we think for a moment that we are ad might pursue. We can assume an mitting a thin" in this connection. on for collection is a clear-cut case of embezzlement on my attitude of watchful waiting. °e’’sonal1y we think tha* the grand- part, and that co-signers are holding off criminal prosecution Watching the comer for a n'ck-nn iury might have found it had they until they see if they can collect a bit of money to replace their of world conditions. We could work emnloyed the use of a few lie-de out some plan to move the unem tectors. periscopes, devining glass houses at my expense. Nobody got wise when I mislabeled ployed out of the cities, onto small es. looking glasses, etc, tac. f tracts of land and enable them t? However the grand jury will now friends, that the quickest way to there awhile as far back as 1817. going to be more generous than •«nd thanks for your fine stand on raise a part of their living TV«» Then later, as a school teacher we intended when we mailed you be ex<us"d for being noor t-ack eet rid of all the muck and mud tracts would have to be tax ex hounds due to the fact there are so that has been thrown in southern at Ashland, Phoenix and Sterling, recently a postal asking tor a copy the subject of recent disturbances emit. reiving on a sales tax to many u">'i"ht downtrodden citiz'ns Oregon is to rub some of it in the and of course any items concern of your paper, for apparently you in Jackosn county. It Is really very gratifying (and somewhat surpris make up the deficiency. Of wir’-’l acting like they had imbibed to? face of those who would get con ing the old home is interesting to have added the name of the John ing as well) to discover a publica this would affect the market fir trol of county affairs behind a bar us. I can hardly realize how time sonburg Press to your mailing gal tion with tho courage to call a the large farmers, hut thev ar-i freely. age of it. has flown. We would gladly wish leys. Just one copy was all we snade a spade and a skunk a skunk. go off of the air now. or was used to being walked on an*' I hav? worked on forest fires In to see the scenes of long ago, if expected, and the way we secured Will Bogers' classic remark, "all wouldn’t mind it. Another way ft the licker, bv singing How dry th? Applegate for many years, and it were possible. But we are grow your name was through the Pub I know Is what I road In tho pa ve are, (inspots). would be to socialize our induct les have learned well the lesson thatI ing old. Scenes and friends of long lishers Auxiliary, in which theie pers.” fairly states the position of and banking system. Shorten th fire is ffre’s worst enemy. More1 ago are fast passing away. There was an Item saying the Miner was the average e't'wn. If the fac ts a a. hours of labor to a point where ev ower to you. was no Medford then. one year old. misrepresented by the press, er-l ervone would he given emplov A TOLERANT FRIEND. I must close, wishing you well, Anyway we have received two oneoim conclusions on the port of ment, or we might tax the rich as and success. copies or the Miner to date, the the public can only be regarded To the Editor they are the only ones who hav Reedsport Interested Very truly yours, last one in a wrapper with our a.i- in a natu-nl ro«u't. 's one who has any money, and put all the nne—•-. HORACE V. GRUBBS. To the Editor: dress set in slugs. In compa. Ing always prided himself upon a fair ployed to work on large govern Gongratu’ctfons' The days of the Box 212, Waitsburg, Wash. No Such Person Here the two editions we note that >n and Impartial attitude toward p ib- mental projects. The-e yon a e “fightin" editor” are not yet done addition to the paper being one 'Ic policies and affnlrs, I must To the Editor: folks, you may taUe your choiie Bounder Bunks, the Bunco how about an exchange? We I year old, it also came the second o"ain thank you for blasting rwey I am a native of Jacksonville, ♦ * ♦ 1 time in an enlarged size, print. <1 tho smoke s"-o?n which has hllh- ,| nfto- »-radlrg the communica -an't offer much in excitement be To the Editor: Just when onr mcale wsa Being a staunoh si |>porter of' on pink paper. I have read both "to ahscnred tho real activities of tion p-irted in the Daily Newa yond a few assault and battery very low, and our nerves at a signed by “W. f. Wilson” this cases. But we can give yon some your attitude in the matters of ¡copies thoroughly and observe that Banks tu I associates. rawedge, this word technoc There f one phaie of t’’e 'ecent wook I m do an Investigation as H?ht reading, and we think, a 'Pounder Bunks, the Bunco, I the Miner varies greatly trom the racy was sprung on us. A mein ' want you to know, regardless of aveiage run of country weesiies. i "revolution" in Medford which has o 'ust who that could be. Diifge it damned good exchange. trick we would call it b t we Roy Parr has dropped In several r v Indy-like name, I’m no lady if wish to compliment you on your ■of. I believe, been brought to search f i'ed to reveal any rest will prohablv live over It. times to show off his Miner. He at any time you need help in re- literary style and the inechu.ucai "’bile attention. I refer to t' e fact dent of either Jacksonville, Ruch ♦ ♦ ♦ thinks it', good. We think so, too. i moving the aforesaid “Stink.” appearance of tiie Miner. that mnny of tho signatures c n tho I People who dote a e-eat deal m or tpolegate by that name. I. like the good old Anglo-Saxon, Sincerely, Tho Newt co respondent pointed I get quite a few country papers offt:ons circulated by Banks and their ancestors, are like a potato sure would like to rise up. JACK BAUER. in response to the cards I send out Pohl were undoubtedly nm-ii-ed plant. The best part of them ere out that the-e wns little local ad-' There’s not much use if moving occasionally. Some of them 1 nev r through misrepresentation. Under Managing Editor, Port Utnpjua vertising In your naner, indicating under the ground. him south for we would only meeti hear from, and occasionally sonu »ho Impression that they wore sign Courier, Reedsport, Oregon. 'ack of support. I know that nearly ♦ ♦ ♦ the whole citizenry of California one puts me on the mailing bat, ing un for unemployment relief Anv one who rUa-hes a p-o" everyone here takes your piper, at the line; they would outnum-J ■vhich is not my Intent. A lelio.r voik. two of our neighbors signed Former Resident Writes ays fo- ft and is behind you in man’s wages to bleed him for mon her us and push uk back Into a down in KanHHH one time pat my »’v petition apd It was o"|y hn- ey to satisfy a d'shonest debt voiir effo-t to tell the real truth To the Fditor: Greeting, editor of The Jackson huddle. name on the llHt for hig toui-page. auso of later developments that would -asture a goat on his moth "oncernln" the continual harangue To the sea with him. He quote* six column daily. It took me two •hov begin to suanect the t-ue na we have endured for three yea s, ville Miner. er’s grave. Cn seeing an article in this morn “I oiy Writ” so treaty, give Inin a years to get my name ofi the list ture of tho document. One man ’nl as for advertising support, '■hat about the Dally News? I have ing’s Oregonian that reminded me chance to walk on the water—it’s out in the meantime I reaJ h si j-’skel to wlthd’aw his slg’i-'tu «, been tin-ble to find as much real of times of pioneer days when I been done, so it should be easy for paper every day until I felt as but was refused; his request to advertising in its columns as in w?s a boy, and early manhood, Bounder Bunks, the Bunco. though 1 was an old-timer in his c amino tho psnep ho had signed —M. E. R. was also refused It is his opinion when I saw several scraps on old 1 those of the Jacksonville Miner. town. P. 8.: I am not afraid of guns; that the Rt"nntures were detached Vain street of the old pioneer The co-res non dent further stated GORM fraternally, Yours -y my LAT" husband used to take f’oni the o-iglml document and af- that "we thought it was funny at town. ALVA H. GREGORY. itiHiiiHiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiitiiiiiHiiiiii n»iinmmniimnm» pot-shots at me while 1 poured his f* cd to another. All of which Now, my wife and I were resi first, but the upstart Hall had run breakfast coffee. “Good till the last Editor The Johnsonburg Press, brings us to the very interesting The Jacksonville Miner is the bls pa"er into the ground, I be dents there. In fact, she was raised drop.” Johnsonburg, Pa. peculation of just how many of there and of course we are inter 'ieve that if you have run your larrre, nc«vsnane" of its size in those 800 slip "tn es were obt lined ested in anything occurring in the ,Ta"kson Countv for those craving paper into the ground you have I Sends Congratulations Congrats from Pennsylvania by the same methods. re-re-tion. ft has a roil Hall com- Banks and his disgraceful 1 new«- old home. Her name was Clara To the Editor: To the Editor: Sincerely yours, Smith. There may be some of our^ •ipper under it. pie”, tf you wish refreshment it I’leaRe accept my congratulations We note that apparently you are I believe, as do many of my old-time friends there yet. I lived J. G. BARBER. „ will fill the bill in that line and ♦ ♦ + Congress, Save My Che-e-e-ild !” Yes we have a great deal to be thankful for. I only have two teeth remarked the little lady in black, but thang God they hit. LETTERS GASTRITIS •
