Beaverton times. (Beaverton, Or.) 191?-19??, August 19, 1915, Image 2

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Rebuilt Federal Tracks
A Safe Used Truck to Buy.
value for the money as a new truck. By
rebuilt we mean that the truck Is entirely
taken apart, each part examined and if
necessary replaced by a new part made
at the Federal factory, the entire truck
repainted and reflnlshed, and everything
necessary done to make the truck practi
cally as good as new In every detail.
When you buy a rebuilt Federal you
are protected by the same policy and In
terest that we give to all Federal owners.
We operate a repair department, In which
me worxmen are specialists on eaeraie,
our suDDly of Federal Darts Is comDlete,
and the stock room organization hljrh
class, which insures the prompt filling of
an parts orders, we also operate a serv
ice department, which is open day and
night, "always at your cail." The Federal
being a good truck tn the first place and
protected by a company which is equip
ped and has the disposition to give you
service is consequently
If you are in the market for a truck
from S1000 to S1400. we unre you to com'
pare used Federals with new trucks at
similar prices. We think we can convince
you of their superior value.
King and Washington Bts. -
True To Life- '
"What's all that noise 'upstairs?"
called-the mother. "I thought you
were playing house.
"We are, mamma," the little daugh
ter replied. "Johnny is the papa, and
he has just come home from the store.
Im arguing with him about money
Thousands HaveBeenHelped
By Common Sense
Women suffering from any form of
female ills are invited to communicate
promptly with the
woman's private
correspondence de-
' partment of the Ly-
dia E.Pinkham Med
icine Co., Lynn,
l Mass. Your letter
will be opened, read
i and answered by a
woman and held In
strict confidence. A woman can freely
talk of bar private illness to a woman ;
thus has been established a confidential
correspondence which has extended over
many yean and which has never been
broken. Never have they published a
testimonial or used a letter without the
written consent of the writer, and never
has the Company allowed these confi
dential letters to get out of their pos
session, as the hundreds of thousands
of them in their files will attest
Out of the vast volume of experience
which they have to draw from, it is more
than possible that they possess the very
knowledge needed in your case. Noth
ing is asked in return except your good
will, and their advice has helped thou
sands. Surely any woman, rich or poor,
should be glad to take advantage of this
generous offer of assistance. Address
Lydia E. Finkham Medicine Co., (con
fidential) Lynn, Mass.
Every 'woman ought to have
Lydia E. Pinltham's 80-page
Test Book. It is not a book for
general distribution, as It Is too
expensive. It Is free and only
obtainable by mail. Write for
It today.
P. N. U.
No. S3, ISIS
WHEN miliar to advertisers, plan i
" (ion this paper.
Who Will Car?
Who will care If my hair is gray?
Who will care what I lave to say?
Who will care If I go or stay?
Who will care when I'm 50?
Who will care if I'm fat or thin?
Who will care if I frown or grin?
Who will care if my toes turn in?
Who will care when I'm 60?
Who will care if tears I shed?
Who will care If my nose is red?
Who will care if youth 4s fled? -Who
will care when I'm 60?
No one will care, so I've been told;
No one will care if my feet are cold;
No one will care my hand to hold;
Oh, I'll just hate to be 50.
It Seemed That Way.
The farmer, wearing a long face,
entered the country drug store. "I've
got something wrong with my stom
ach," he announced, "and I want you
to give me something for it.
"All right," replied the apothecary,
cheerfully; "what are your symp
toms?" "Every little while something seems
to rise up and settle back and then by
and by rises up and settles back
The druggist stroked his chin, re
flectively. "Look here," he said,
gravely, "you haven't gone and swal
lowed an elevator, have you?" Ladies
Home Journal.
As Modified.
The usual crowd of loafers were
seated around the stove in the vil
lage grocery. .
"Tell you what," began one of the
bewhiskered bunch, "I never lied to
my wife in my life"
At this point he was interrupted
by a unanimous laugh that was loud
and long.
"That I didn't get caught at
it," continued the speaker after the
laughter had subsided.
Whereupon silence reigned : su
preme for nearly 23 seconds.
Are Strikes for Sale?
Secretary Morrison of the American
Federation of Labor is credited with
the statement that "the American
Federation of Labor does not care
whether Oerman gold started the
Bridgeport strike or not."
Does Mr. Morrison support the doc
trine that strikes should be bought
and sold in the open market, and that
it is legitimate for labor leaders to ac
cept bribes from agents of a foreign
government to paralyze American in
dustries? New York World.
Not Prepared.
."They seem to be appalled at the
slaughter on the European battle
'Yes; but they're not used to foot
ball games over there." Baltimore
Sure Thing.
"Never sneer at anybody, Hollo."
"No, uncle."
"Some people poke fun at vegetar
ians here. But you'd be mighty glad
to meet 'em if you were cast away in
the Fiji Islands." Louisville Courier-
Journal. - ' .
"I . fear that that young man to
whom I gave a job in the store last
week is crooked."-
"You should not judge by appear
ance. . -
I am judging by dlsappearancenn
this case." Houston Post.
Playing Sate. -
"What are your views on the mod
ern dances?"
"Well, my wife thinks they're out
rageous, and my daughter says they're
just too sweet for anything; so, of
course, I have to preserve a strict neu
trality." St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Not a Doctor.
While little Dorothy was visiting,
her hostess' dog came running up and
stopped before her, panting. Seeing
his tongue hanging out, Dorothy said:
"I Be not a doctor, doggie." Boston
Transcript .. .....
A Large Order.
Modest Suitor I have only $5500 a
year, sir, but I think I can support
your daughter on that.
Father (enthusiastically) Support
her, my dear boy? Why, you can sup
port her entire family on it.
i f Patrick and the Jury, s
5. A famous lawyer had a client named
Murphy who had been arrested for
Illegal sale of liquor. The police had
no evidence but one pint of whisky,
which they found -in bis house when
they searched it In court this evl
dence was produced, and a somewhat
vivid claim of prima facie evidence
of guilt was made by the prosecuting
attorney. -
i During all this, counsel for the pris
oner was silent. When his turn came
for. the defense, he rose and said
"Patrick Murphy, stand up." And
Murphy, with a big Ted nose, un
shaven face, bleared eyes and a gen
eral appearance of dilapidation, rose.
"Patrick Murphy, look upon the
jury; gentlemen of the jury, look on
Patrick Murphy." v
Jury and prisoner mutually com
The counsel gazed at Patrick for a
moment, then solemnly turned to the
' "Do you mean to say to this court
and me you honorably and truly be
lieve that Patrick Murphy, if he had
a pint of whisky, would sell it?"
Murphy was acquitted.
And He Was!
Just because a man is an officer in
the territorials it doesn't mean to say
he can ride a horse.
At least, that was the case of Col
onel Knut of the Tutleton Terriers.
An inspection was to him a nightmare.
So when the general commanding
came along Colonel Knut sat hiB horse
Then the band played!
At the first bang of the -drum the
colonel's horse started two-stepping.
With the fifes' he tangoed. The col
onel set his teeth and hung on grimly.
The TerrierB got mightily excited.
Would he stick on or not? - Anxious
to see the fun, they pushed forward,
until the front rank looked like a foot
ball crowd. t
'Ease off, there!" yelled the ser
geant angrily.
"No, e ain t, retorted an enthusi
astic watcher, "but 'e will be in a min
ute ! " London Opinion.
c Seasonable Story. ...
North Dakota was honored with a
new bishop of the Episcopal church
in 1914. He came from a rectorship
at Hagerstown, Md. 'Last winter was
the first for his family in the cold
northwest. The bishop's young son
was observed by a neighbor laborious
ly shoveling a great snowdrift away
from the front of his home In Fargo.
Said the neighbor:
"Did you have much snow in Mary
land, my boy?"
The youngster with a refined and
characteristic southern drawl replied:
"Yes, it snowed there, but not so thor
oughly as here."
Twenty Cents Out,
"I made an awful break yesterday,"
said the fellow who is known as a
"That is 'unusual for you. How did
it happpn?" asked the man in whom
he was about to confide.
"I met Lulu in front of an ice cream
parlor, and I told her that her lips
were like strawberries. She said the
only way to prove it was by making
the comparison, so I bad to blow her
to a strawberry sundae.".
Woman's Place.
First Abie-Bodied Male Woman's
place is in the home. As I was tell
ing my wife .
Second Able-Bodied- Male By the
by, Bill, what's yer wife doin' now?
First Able-Bodied Male Workin' in
the cannery. Puck.
Courtship and Boredom.
"I don't see how you can tolerate
that man." "Oh, but he is a foreign
nobleman, my dear." "I don't care,"
said the American girl. "I'll be jig
gered if I'd marry a man who does his
courting with a bored air." Louisville
' Sharing the Honor.
'Going to speak a piece on the last
day of school?" ...
"No; only a piece of a piece. I'm
in a dialogue." St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
: Putting it Accurately.
"Have you got any , mosquitoes
around here?"
'No," replied Farmer Corntossel.
"We haven't got them. They've- got
us." Washington Star.
On 8. P. R. R. in Tillamook, Co. Or.
Train stops at our door. Place to apend your
vacation here this summer. You will find it
delightful as well as inexpensive. We hare
fully furnished Housekeeping Tents, Including
electric lights end water, from $6 par week up.
Dance every night Bowling, Pool and Bll
iards. Surf Fishing and Safe Bathing. For
particulars write or call on WISE DENTAL
Co. Rooms -211-12 Falling Bldg., 8d at Wash
ington, Portland, Ore., phones A or M 8029; or
Bar View, Tillamook Co., Ore.
Plates and bridges -made in
my own laboratory.
Office absolutely clean.
Instruments thoroughly ster
ilized. Prices reasonable.
Work guaranteed.
Constant endeavor to do work
nurse in attendance.
Dr. Elof T. Hedlund
4M-4H Moron Balldlag. 4th Floor, WeaMnftaa
Hear Broadway, rortland, ungon.
Dalles-Columbia Line
State of Washington, for The Dmllea dally ex.
Sunday 11 p. m. Leave Dalles dalljr ex. Monday
12 M. Steamers J. N. Teal. Inland Empire and
Twin Cities for Upper Columbia and Snake river
points. Taylor St. Dock. Tel. Main 613.
KilluKltt mi UWa Rinr Tiwiaf Co., rsrtkW. '
VOUNG MAN. BE A BARBER. Learn a Trade.
Be Independent Trade taught In eight weeks:
tools free. Commi taions paid while learning:
positions secured. Write for free catalog.
MOLEK COLLEGE i, Portland, K48 N. 2nd St.;
Spokane, K22li Uai.iAve.: Seattle. KIDS Main St
Light Fingered.
" At a dinner given by the prime min
ister of a little kingdom in Rurltanla
a diplomat complained to his host
that the minister of justice, who had
been sitting on his left, had stolen his
watch. - -. ' '
"""Ah, he shouldn't have done that,"
said he prime minister in tones of
annoyance. "I will get it back for
" Sure enough toward the end of the
evening the watch was returned to its
owner. -
"Sh-h!" cautioned the host, glancing
anxiously about hUn. "He doesn't
know that I have got it back."
- The Connoisseurs. - .
Two farmers, attired in corduroys
and gaiters, were strolling through a
picture gallery, where they looked,
and apparently felt, decidedly out of
place. But at last they brought up
before a picture which really seemed,
to please them a portrait of a lovely
girl with a particularly ugly bulldog.
"This is something nice, Dick," said
"What is it called?"
Dick referred to the catalogue.
" 'Beauty and the Beast,' " he said.
The other man looked closer at the
"He is a beauty, too!"
"I never hear Colums complaining:
about business depression."
"I should say not. He's an expert,
accountant, and he's rushed to death
straightening out the books of firms
that have gone into bankruptcy."
by Blaskles PHI. Low-
SriMd, frwb, reliable: preferred by
rHtatra alAokmea twceuM tfetv mi-.
twt where ether vaeelsei fait.
I Write for booklet and testimonial..
. sr- ej 10-teM pate. BiatKief run si.w
eUaVfteov 10-iee. skte. Blaskles Pills 4.00
Um any inleetor. but Cutter's belt.
Ths sapertorlty of Cutter products is due to over &,
rem of epedallihif In vasslaet ass seruati ssly. en Cutter's. If unobtainable, order direct
T'.E CUTTER LABORATORY, Btrkslsv, Callfsril.