Semi-weekly Bandon recorder., July 02, 1913, Page 7, Image 7

Semi-Weekly*Bandon Recorder, July*2, 1913
Page 7
HUMOROUS QUIPS.
BRAVERY WON A
MAIDEN’S HAND
Lady Capitulates After an Ad­
venture With a Bull.
1 bud courted Millicent for two years
or more without success
I hadn’t
proposed, for whenever I'd get spoony
she’d tell me just what kind of man
her ideal was—no more like me than a
landau is like a donkey cart
Her
lover must be intellectual, profound,
whereas 1 am stupid and scatter
brained But one thing 1 am. and 1
know it—I’m a dead game sport At
tennis, football, homes or yachts 1 can
beat Mr. Ideal every time.
One afternoon 1 called on Millicent
with my new four cylinder auto. If
MiUicent was always worshiping this
Imaginary puffed up being of Ideas
she didn’t mind a sixty mile an hour
jog in an auto Sometimes 1 used to
think she was holding the duffer up
to bother me. for 1 didn't see where
her own lofty sentiments came In.
Anyway she ran upstairs and in five
minutes was down again in a long
gray silk duster and her hat tied down
with no end of veiling. 1 was waiting
for her in the ball, but she was in such
a hurry that she brushed right past
me and out on to the stoop. There by
the curb was my automobile glistening
* I
for all it was worth.
K
’’What a beautiful shade of redl” she
exclaimed, jumping Into the machine.
A,
“Glad you admire it.” I replied.
We jogged along at a town pace till
we reached the open road; then ] let
her cut a trifle She was a lightweight
two seated vehicle and. with all her
power on. a match for a hurricane.
I
We soon put a matter of twenty miles
between us and the town and came to
a big stretch of open country all ou a
dead level. 1 wanted to get on another
road to my right and. knowing that
I’d have to go around Robin Hood’s
barn to do it, made lip my mind to
take to the flelds The ground seemed
perfectly smooth, and there were but
few fences, some of them down. 1
asked Millicent if she would like a
ride of that kind, and she said she
would So, swerving to the right be­
tween two telegraph poles, we took to
the open.
Of course we didn’t attempt any
rapid gait, and. considering our springs
and big tires, we didn’t And it uncom­
fortable wheeling There were here and
there a house and scattered herds of
cattle. We’d gone a couple of miles
when we came to a rail fence directly
In our way. 1 got out to let down the
rails. I was getting the last rail out
of the way when, glancing at a herd
of cattle grazing near, I saw a power
ful bull break from among them and
trot toward us. I glanced at my red
auto shining in the afternoon sun and
took in the situation The bull would
go for the machine, break up the ton
neau. and Mllllcent would be at bla
mercy.
In two seconds I was in my seat anil
had the power turned on. I gave a
quick look back and saw the bull com­
ing on a gallop Passing through the
No, 89—82,395-Miss Mabel Post. opening 1 had made. I hastened my
No. 101—79,521—Miss Susie Hill pace, nnd had we been on a road we
could have laughed at the bull. But
No. 98—66,410 -Mrs.
Rosie we weren’t, and as luck would have It
Bingaman.
we struck the roughest piece of ground
No. 87—60,740—-Miss Korean to he met in four counties. The best 1
could do was about six miles an hour,
Barrows.
nnd the bull could beat that easily.
No. 82—52.135—-Miss Connie
’’I'll keep my eye on the ground
ahead while you watch the bull." I
Rundle,
to Mllllcent. “and tell me If be
No. 100—45,675--- Mil
Kaye said
gains.”
Wolfe.
"He’s gaining every moment!” she
77 —45/'5°- -Miss Ruby Til- cried. ‘‘Go faster!"
The way became smoother, and I put
on more power, but it was a question
86—41,385—’Miss Lillian whether it was preferable to be knock­
ed to pieces by the jolting or gored by
Scott.
the bull Mllllcent evidently preferred
No. 6i —40,665—.Miss
Myrtle the former, for she begged me to In­
Wheeler.
crease the speed. At the same time I
No. 97—38,390—Mrs. Minnie received a solace tn our danger. Mll­
llcent in her terror put her arm around
Tenbrook.
my neck. She didn’t know what she
Esther was doing, but it felt nice sll the same.
No. 51—37,815--- Miss
While I was enjoying it I saw
Solve.
a
ahead the remains of a swamp. There
No. 22—35,245—Miss
Grace was no water In it. but plenty of mud.
Gibson.
I glanced to the right and the left,
only to see that it was a long way
92— 25,075
round. I plungel] into the bog. and
I04—20,900
when 1 did so I knew it was all up
103—16,000
with us. The bull came on. and pretty
soon one could hesr the thud of bls
93— 6.185
hoofs directly behind ns.
Mllllcent
91 — 7,910
clung to me. and 1 clung to the wheel.
52 —6,020
We had nearly crossed the bog when 1
noticed before us on the other side a
4,800
rail fence. I put on as much speed as
2,600
1 dared, nnd oo reaching the fence,
telling .Mllllcent to crouch. I under­
took to drive through It At that mo­
ment the bull caught the machine on
his horns we felt the tonneau rise, and
it and we nnd flying fence rails came
down in a scattered heap
I saw Mllllcent rising on her knee«,
the bull charging toward her Picking
up a fence rail. I put myself in his
way. poised the rail and took him with
the end of It square on the forehead.
Stunned by the blow, he stopped, look­
ci at me In a dazed' fashion, turned
RELIABLE HOME TREATMENT tail and trotted away.
The ORRINE treatment for the Drink
I felt proud of myself. Yes. 1 admit
Habit ran be used with absolute eonfi It 1 realized that I'd done something
de nee. It destroys all desire for whiskey, worth doing I'd saved Mllllcenfs life.
l>eer or other alcoholic stimulants. Thous- 1 stood the fence rail on end. grasped
antis have siieeessfiilly lined it and have In one hand, pot my other arm akim­
been restored to lives of sobriety and use
fulness. < an lie given secretly. Costs bo. crossed my right leg over my left
only $1.00 per box. If you fail to get and said:
"Now fetch on your Mr. Ideal.”
results from ORRINE after a trial, youi
But Mllllcent made no reply.
She
money will lie refunded. Ank for fret
fainted.
booklet telling all about ORRINE.
I took her In my arm«. A farmer
Grange Pharmacy
came running toward uz. and— Mr.
rami Kitchen Moors J
Don’t Scrub Them
Avoid the backache and sore knees caused
by scrubbing bare floors. Painted floors are easy
to keep bright and clean, are attractive and
very inexpensive.
ACME QUALITY
FLOOR PAINT
a
g
gives a hard, durable, sanitary finish for floors,
steps or any inside surface to be walked on,
easy to keep clean and hard to wear
out. You can apply it yourself.
It dries in a short time. Offered
in appropriate and attractive shades.
Bandon, Drug Company, Bandon, Oregon
I Got This Fine Pipe With Liggett
& Myers Duke’s Mixture”
Al) kinds of men smoke Duke's Mixture in all kinds
of pipes — ns well as in cigarettes;—and they all tell the same
story. They like the genuine, natural tobacco taste of
Choice bright leaf aged to mellow mildness, carefully stemmed
and then granulated every grain pure, high-grade tobacco—
that's what you get in the Liggett (V Myers Duke’s Mixture sack
You get one and a half ounces of this purr, inild, delightful
tobacco, unsurpassed in quality, for 5c—and with each sack you
get a book of paper« free
Now About the Free Pipe
In every sack of Liggett & Myers Duke’s Mixture we now pack
ou ran exchange these coupons for a pipe or for many
other valuable and useful articles. These presents cost not one
penny
There is something for every member of the family —
skates, catcher’s glove«, tennis rackets, cameras, toilet articles,
suitcases, canes, umbrellas, and dozens of other things. Just send
ns your name and address on a postal
and as a special offer daring Jan­
uary and February dnly we will
send you our new illustrated Cata­
logue of presente FREE of any
charge. Open up a sack of lAgqstt
<f Jfyart Ihike’s Mixture today.
a coupon.
(from
Mixture may bt
7' rterf - ith fags from HORSE SHOE,
J T., TINSLEY’S NATURAL LEAF.
GRANGER TWIST, aw</ Con gons from
F’>UP ROSES (AV tm double coupon).
PICK PLUG CUT, PIEDMONT CIGA-
R ETTES. CLIX CIGARETTES, end
other tags or cumgons issued by us.
Premium Dent.
St. Louis.
Durham. MX
DRINK
HABIT
Ideal kaa gone up.
.
.
LODGE DIRECTORY
Musonle.
At the Rest Cure.
gANDON LODGE. No. 130 A. F & A
A rest cure la a crazy place beyond a
shade of doubt,
For everybody In the place la craay—to
get out.
M, Stated communications first Saturday
after the full moon of each month.
Special
communications second
Saturday
thereafter.
All Master Masons cordially invited.
The chesa flood on the second floor, th.
emperor or Home,
Defeated linker seven times—but lost hts
happy home.
The emperor of Germany—atthouxh tie
doesn't reign—
Can whip the whole United States. That’s
why he wears a chain.
The rich and learned viceroy who speaks
of "pants" and "gents”
Would like to meet a person who would
lend him flfty cents.
The handsome king of Babylon, who cwas
the world's marine.
Wears tennis c*»oes and overalls when
calling on the queen.
The actress with cloven trunks of gowns
arid jewels rare
Will play a year on Broadway when she
gets the railroad fare.
The chap with many millions on deposit.
If you will.
Would like to borrow eighty cents to pay
his laundry bill.
The lady with the pedigree—a duchess,
too. I’n> sure—
Would love to be a singer—for she hates
to manicure.
The dame who scribbles sonnets on ”Ths
Ex Ils of tho Chase”
Would like to know at * o’clock who won
the second race.
The gentleman with whiskers, who de­
plores a gambler's lot.
Can stack the cards and steal the ace and
open every pot.
The authoress who’s now tn search of
husband No. 3
tn spite of all that I can do Is bound to
marry me.
But stilt a sat Itarlum for rest and changs
Is best—
The bathhouse man gets all your change;
tho doctor gets the rest.
—New York Globe.
W. E. Craine, W M
Phil Pearson. Secretary
Eastern Star
OCCIDENT AL CHAPTER. No
45. O.
E. S., meets Saturday evening before and
after stated communication of Masonic l odge
V isiting members cordially invited to attend.
Alice C. Gallier, W. M
Rosa Bingaman, Secretary.
1. o. <>. F
gANDON LODGE. N o . 133. I. O. O F
meets every Wednesday evening. Visiting
brothers in good standing cordially invited.
Chris Bcetcher. N. G.
Harry Armstrong. Sec.
gElPH!
Kulffhto of Pythias
LODGE. No 64. Knighte
of
Pythias. Meets every Monday evening
at Knights hall. Visiting knights
invited to
attend.
G. R. McNair. C. C.
B. N. Harrington K. of R. S.
Loyal Order of Moose
Meets Thursday evenings in I. O. O. F.
Hall. Transient Moose cordially invited.
Something doing every Thursday.
Rebekah
CEAN REBEKAH
O
LODGE, No
126
I. O. O.F., meets 2nd and 4th Tuesday at
I O. O. F. Hall. Transcient members cordially
invited.
Alpha Wheeled, N. G.
Josephine Stolt*. Secretary.
w. o. w.
OMETHING DOING Every Minute
Every Tuesday Night.
S
SEASIDE CAMP NO. 212,
WOODMEN OF THE WORLD.I
His Side Lins.
Meets at K. of P. Hall. Visiting Neighbors
“Are you Mr. Leftwiteh?”
Welcome.
"That is my name.”
C. M. Gage. C. C.
"Your uncle died a few days ago, I
H. E. Boak, Clerk.
believe?"
“The doctors pronounced him dead —
yes.”
“I have just read that he left his en­
tire fortune to public institutions."
“Well, what about it? Are you a re­
porter? If you are I don’t wish to be
interviewed.”
"No. my dear fellow; I am not a re­ THOMAS F. HAGGERTY
porter. I ant a lawyer. I thought you
might have some will breaking to be
Attorney-ut-Law
done. 1 atn an expert will breaker."
Over McNair’s Hardware Sture
"I don't want any of my uncle's mon
Phone 432
ey
Since he preferred to cut me off
without a dollar I am perfectly willlug
BANDON, OREGON
to work for my living.’
"Permit me to hand you my card. In
caBe they ever wish to try you for
C. R. WADE
lunacy please remember me. I have
kept a number of crazy people out of
Attorney-at-Law
asylums.”—Chicago Record-IIerald.
Professional Cards.r
She Got a Definition.
"Who can give me the correct defini­
tion of the word intense?” asked Miss
Emma Garwood, a teacher in the Whit­
tier school, recently. Three or four
of the pupils guve different answers,
but none was correct.
"Hurely some one can give that defi­
nition,” Miss Garwood said, almost
ready to explain the term. A hand
went up from the rear, and a little girl
was awarded permission to give her
definition.
•Teacher, Indians live In tents," the
pupil refilled. Only tho teacher realiz­
ed the humor of the answer.—Kansas
<lty Star.
Agent Pacific Surety Company. Office Bank
of Bandon Bldg. Phone 102
BANDON, OREGON
DR. H. L. HOUSTON
Physician & Surgeon
Office ever Drug Store. Hours, 9 to 12 a. m;
1:30 to 4 p. m; 7 to 8 in the evening.
BANDON, OREGON
DR. SMITH J. MANN
Physician & Surgeon
Office in Panter Building
Hours, 9 to 12 a. m;
I to 5 p. m.
Papa Waa Buay.
In the picture of a battle which bangs
BANDON, OREGON
tn the living room of her home a little
south aide girl thinks all of the figures
are those of her relatives.
DR. L. P. SORENSON
"Who Is that on the horse?” asked a
playmate.
Dentist
'That’s my big brother."
Office
over
Vienna
Cafe. T elephone at office
“Who's that with a sword T'
and residence.
“That’s Uncle John."
"And who is that on the ground?”
BANDON, OREGON
"That’s Uncle Ben."
“And where la your father?"
“Oh, papa.” the little girl replied G. T. TREADGOLD
proudly; “he’s over there making all
that smoke!"—Youngstown Telegram
A ttorney und Counselor
Too Much.
Norman White, who was In the po­
litical ring recently, told this story to
lighten up his tariff opinions. Here la
the story:
A new baby arrived at a house. A
little girl had been the pet of the fam!
ly Every one made much of her, but
when there was a new baby she felt
rather neglected.
"How are you. Mary?” a visitor ask-
I ed of her one afternoon.
“Oh, I’m all right,” she said, “ex-
e<it that I think there Is too much
competition In thia world."—Lowell
Hun.
at Law
Office with Bandon Investment Company
Notary Public
BANDON, OREGON
DR. R. V. LEEP
Physician <t Surgeon
Office in R.cmuuen Budding
Phone 72.
BANDON, OREGON
DR. ARTHUR GALE
Different.
Militia Officer (to trooper whose Office
horse continually falls to the rear)—
How’s this? You told me your horse
had won half a dozen matches against
i some of the best horses in the county.
"So he has. sir,” replied tho trooper.
! "It was in plowing matches he took
the prizes.”—New York Journal.
Physician A Surgeon
over Orange Pharmacy
Office phone,
352. Residence phone, 353.
BANDON, OREGON
DR. S. C. ENDICOTT
An Idas Hare, Men.
“Does your wife want to vote?"
“No She wants a larger town bouse,
a villa on the seacoast and a new li­
mousine car every six months I’d be
pleased ’most to death If she could fix
her attention on a email matter like a
vote”—Washington Star.
All Round Man.
"Doea he belong to the Four TI ub -
oiwir
“Yea. indeed; ha’a one of the d-
Turk Mall.
Dentist
Of ice Phone 71; Res. Phone M2
BANDON, OREGON
DR. B. K. LEACH
Sc ienhfi« Drugiess Method for Healing the Sick,
including Osteopathy, (chiropractic. Mechano-
Iherapy, Neuropathy, Hydropathy and Vito*
pathy. Chronic ami Nervous Diseases given
special attention. Atwatei Street near Steam
Laundry. Phone 991.
BANDON, OREGON