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About Illinois Valley news. (Cave City, Or.) 1937-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 11, 1949)
I llin o is V a lle y N e w s . T h u r s d a y . A u g u s t 11, 1949 SPCCTSCCPE PHONE COMPANY SHOULD ELIMINATE . . . By JOE MAHONEY But the Company Would Ban "H ellos' Instead ...W R O N G NUMBERS, TWITCHELL THINKS By H I. PHILLIPS ‘ DON'T SAY HELLO" ( “ Don’t say ‘h e llo ’ sw ering the phone. when an G ive you r nam e o r com pany name p ro m p tly and save tim e .’ ’— F ro m a telephone com pany ap peal., We read It again. ‘ ‘D on’t say lie llo ’ when you answ er t h e phone.” it said cle a rly . “ I t wastes tim e .” It seemed re v o lu tio n a ry but reasonable. A fte r a ll, w hy not e ve ry 10 seconds. B ut now . , . co-operate w ith the com pany? So silence ! Nobody wanted to ta lk we sat down and aw aited a phone to us. Rut we are not easily c a ll . . . defeated. We called up a D ud —O— ley Zeek (at random out of the I t Is strange hnw long one bookl and h u rrie d ly le ft w ord has to w a it fo r the phone to w ith his se cre ta ry to phone us. rin g when one is not busy. If —o— we had been absorbed in a P rese ntly ou r phone rang. We book, tied up in a conference, leaped to it and announced our try in g to fin d a rh ym e o r busy nam e w ith no waste of tim e. at reassem bling a Swiss w atch " E lm e r T w itc h e ll,” we said. there would have been a c a ll There was no answer. We jig g le d the hook and insisted on g e ttin g the connection. C e n tra l fin a lly asked, “ Who called you?” “ W hat d iffe r ence does it m a ke ? ” we asked. “ We w ill talee a c a ll fro m a n y b o d y ." P rese ntly she re-con nected us. “ E lm e r T w itc h e ll,” we repeated firm ly . Whatever Is Best “ T here is no E lb e rt P. T w itc h e ll here. You have the w rong n u m b e r.” “ No, I haven’t. L is te n . . “ T his is not T w itc h e ll.” the fe m ale voice insisted. " O f course n o t,” we explained. “ How could it be?” “ H e llo ,” the voice said. “ And you’re not supposed to say ‘h e llo ,’ ’ ’ we put in. “ Hello. Who do you want? H ello. You m ust have the wrong num ber. H e llo .” “ Stop slip p in g in a ll o f those h e l lo s !” we yelled. “ H a ven’t you heard about the m ?” —o— H ere a m ale voice put in. “ H e llo ,” i t said. “ A re you t r y ing to get m e?” “ No, y o u 're try in g to get m e .” we said. “ Who are you? H e llo ,” the voice repeated. “ E lm e r T w itch e ll. You are Dud ley Zeek, aren’t you?” “ W ho?” "D u d le y Zeek.” “ N o ,” cam e the answer. “ T his is the Econom y P a s tra m i F a c to ry , Amos F in ch spe aking.” “ A re you try in g to get E lm e r T w itc h e ll? ” “ No. M y secre ta ry has been t r y ing to get the c ity h a ll. W h a t're you doing on the line. H ello. There m ust be a m ixu p. H ello. H e llo .’ ’ GRACE NOLL CROWELL I DARE not pray for you, dear friend, that sorrow, The strange unwelcome guest may pass you by, I dare not even trust that each tomorrow May hold for you a bright and cloudless sky. I cannot hope that pain, that hard taskmaster, May leave you quite untouched throughout the years, Or that you may escape loss and disaster; That grief may never dim your eyes with tears. For only sorrow brings an understanding Of others' sorrow; only as we learn The slow and tortuous way, the harsh demanding That grieving make upon us, can we turn And speak the freeing word to some hurt brother, And well we know that blue skies bring no rain To heal the heart, and we can learn no other Way to sympathize save through experienced pain. I crave the best things for you, O my friend, And for what is best we can trust God to send. The Fiction I t was too m uch. We hung up and fe ll, w ilte d , in to a ch a ir. A fte r a w h ile the phone rang. The w ife answered it. “ T h e re ’s a Dudley Zeek on the w ire . He says you le ft w ord fo r h im to c a ll.” “ Just say ’h e llo ’ to h im . . . four o r fiv e tim e s ,” we con cluded b itte rly . —O“ This is the season muggy When parents Jo their best To send their kids to summer camps— As parents need a rest! —o— H i.—Saw a sign in the cou ntry “ C attle Crossing. 35 m ile s per hour.” T h a t's too fa st fo r any cow to move in m odern t r a f fic . —A rth u r M cE lro y. —o— “ U n ited States D e fic it 98 M il lion a D ay” —Headline. Aw, they c a n 't be tr y in g ! Russia has paid three m il lion d o lla rs out in bonuses to m others of babies, M oscow an nounces. We a w a it the c la im that Russia o rig in a te d the idea of m otherhood. —o— W ith eve ry re s ta u ra n t In Reno closed, we understand hundreds of divorce ap plican ts w iped fro m th e ir suits the co m p la in t th a t the w ife ’s cooking co n stitu te d in to le r able cru e lty. —o— We tru st th a t the illne ss o f Bob by C lark, gre at com edian, is t r iv ia! and that, above a ll, the doctors w ill never m ake h im give up cigars. —o— GOTHAM BUGLE & BANNER Cole P o rte r has indorsed a beer . . . “ Kiss Me, K e g ” . . . A ll the m unitions stocks have been strong since Olsen & Johnson re tu rn e d . . . Ye ed w atched the p a ir on video and got pow der burns . . . “ H a r vey ' is being played in Wales . . . w ith a Welsh ra b b it, o f course . . . We know a fe llo w who is going to reverse the rou tine and appeal his case fro m the suprem e c o u rt to the lo w er trib u n a ls . . . They seem to th in k c le a re r down there. LOVINGLY, TEMPLE By Richard H Wilkinson C o rn er T E M P L E : I was indeed D 'g EAR la d to le a r n th a t you h a d ob tc conditions w hich s tirre d to life dowed w ith at least a fra c tio n the slu m b e rin g rom ance th a t lu rks of your fa th e r’s good sense. tained such a s a tis fa c to ry position. w ith in the breast o f e ve ry m an, or BY IN E Z G E R H A R D I t Is m y w ish tha t you im m e d I am sure tha t you w ill m ake a it m ig h t have been the sim ple de ia te ly send me the nam e and T ltV IN G M A N S F IE L D , young pro- m ost e fficie n t secre ta ry. F ra n k ly . I sire of a m an fo r a m ate. At any address of th is boss of yours. * ducer at C olum bia b ro ad cast have been e n te rta in in g some m is rate A aron took M iss D aniels in his I shall w rite to h im at once.” ing. proves th a t lig h tn in g can g ivin g s about you r future . S erving a rm s and kissed her and whispered Aaron had hoped th a t th a t night s trik e tw ice. He conceived and in the ca p a city o f g u ard ian to m o d nonsensical things th a t somehow he would fin d h im s e lf courageous produces the trem en do usly suc ern young ladies is. a fte r a ll. h a rd ly seemed to fit the occasion. enough to o ffe r a proposal of m a r cessful “ A rth u r G o d fre y's T ale nt in m y line, although I was o n ly too • p I IE N E X T M O R N IN G he found ria g e to M iss Daniels. Y et when S couts;” using a d iffe re n t tw is t 4 another le tte r fro m Tem ple again they were seated on the c iifl glad to l o o k on the same idea, he cam e through on his desk. “ Dear w a tch in g the moon come up out of a fte r the daugh C reighton w ith the new h it show. “ This I ’m sorry, but com the ocean, his courage failed . te r o f m y close G u a rd ia n ; Is B ro a d w a y.’ ’ also on CBS. He f r ie n d . T om mands and dem ands fro m folks Heavy-eyed he went to the office began in ra d io In 1943 as coordina C re igh ton, when like you don’t m ean a th in g when next m o rn in g to fin d a le tte r a w a it to r of the F red Allen show, then, he so unexpect a g ir l is in love. And y o u r little in g h im fro m T em ple C re ig h to n “ D ear G u a rd ia n ; You were rig h t edly passed away. I Im agine you T em ple Is c e rta in ly in love. I ex are qu ite a grow n up young lady pect s h e 'll be proposed to in the He is n 't the m an I thought he was now, though it is h a rd fo r m e to ve ry n e ar fu tu re .” A p p a re n tly he has ju s t been amus A aron buzzed fo r M iss Dan visu alize you In any o th e r fo rm in g h im se lf, w ith no idea o f asking iels. “ Dear T em ple: This thing than a g ir l in p ig ta ils and short me to m a rry him . I do wish you'd has gone fa r enough. It's a pity dresses—” ta lk to h im . H is nam e is Aaron B ell you rn u ld n 't have been en A aro n Bell, 34. lo okin g 10 years L o v in g ly . T e m p le .” younger, a b ru p tly ceased d ic ta tin g and stared h a rd at his stenographer. IAST WEEKS The stenographer. M iss Daniels by nam e, was sm all, d a rk, viva ciou s ANSWER and exceedingly a ttra c tiv e . She had come to w o rk in the law office of A tto rn e y Aaron B e ll tw o weeks p re •ACROSS DOW N 19 La rge vious. She was a capable g irl, yet fo r 1 School 1. F r u it o f roo fing some un explainable reason Aaron IR V IN G M A N R K IK I.D the palm gra du ation slate h a d n 't been able to get used to her. 5. A prophet docum ent 20. Taken by In 1944 and '45, produced the M ilto n T hat is to say, he fe lt nervous ( B ib .) m outh 2 Measure B e rle p ro g ra m . R ealizin g what w henever he was d ic ta tin g le tte rs o f land 9. W a te r 22 In d e fin ite the y had, CBS assigned h im to cooler 3. A n g e r a rtic le D u rin g the next few days o rig in a te and develop new comedy (d ia l.) 10 W agon 23 R iv e r I A ir .) Aaron began to gel an inkling m id v a rie ty shows, and he cam e 4. U p rig h t 11. A m e rry 26 Food Rsh of w hy it was th a t he fe lt un throu gh w ith the G od fre y gold 6. D ivision fro lic 28. M asu rium easy when d ic ta tin g le tte rs to (nine , w hich m ade its fir s t appear !.’ I -t of a i sym .) M iss D aniels He began to w on ance on the a ir on J u ly 8, 1948 p la y A n s w e r ! • P a i r l e M e . 10 14. Set 29 C om pletely d e r if heretofore he hadn't been close 6 D isfigure I A p ric k e r a tte m p tin g to evade an Issue, tog ether, 7. C onstella 32 M a rry 37. Male duck W ell, “ The F ountainhead” ar lie asked h im self, sec re tly . If tio n as the teeth 34. H a b itu a l 41. T a rt riv e d , was seen, and proved M iss D aniels was becoming to 1« M e ta llic 8 Begin d ru n k a rd 42. Treeless to he d isap pointin g, despite m ean m o re to h im than just a rock 11 La rge ladle 35 P resident o f tra c t o f land the e xce lle nt east and the mon- s e c re ta ry . 17. Haw aiian 13. Sign o f A rg e n tin a tE n g .) ey lavished on the pro du ction. bird zodiac 36. A pp e a rin g 44. E m ploy •p W O DAYS L A T E R Aaron was As w ith “ A rch of T riu m p h ." 18 C ity (O nt., 15. G oblin as I f eaten 45. L ittle boy “ ru d e ly swept out of the re a lm a good hook ju s t was not good Can.) screen m a te ria l. of ecstasy <a state of m in d brought 21 l i dependent i 4 » » about by his d in n e r date w ith M iss y // state, A t luncheon in New Y o rk m onths Daniels», by re ce ivin g another lct- S E A rab ia 9 // , • go M acdonald C arey announced te r fro m his ward. % 24 Obstacle "D e a r G ua rd i M y boss is real- th a t a second v is it fro m the stork ! ty /) ll 25 T e rro r i was slated fo r his home. E lizab eth *v qu ite lo vely, and has been dis- 27. The W i M acdonald C arey a rriv e d J u ly ' p la yin g an unusual am ount of In- whole «4 fc * range 12th, ending a long, tedious so- terest in me since m y last le tte r. r/S Y Journ In bed fo r her m other C arey ! 1 nn> no* * little fla tte re d by his at- 31. H um ble 2c 9 33. Slat in sta lle d a te le visio n set In the I ten tion and v e ry m uch th rille d . In 34 Exceeded, as bedroom to e n te rta in his w ife fact, I believe I could fa ll in love 1» 24 rt 21 speed lim it H e com m ented sadly that she d id n ’t w ith h im very e a s ily .” 38 T ow ard A aron ran g fo r M iss Daniela care to watch fo o tb a ll games and 2» 27 St 29 21 Io 39 O ver ip o e t.) he did “ Dear Tem ple I dem and tha t you a /e 1 40 S liding, resign fro m y o u r present position ll 12 U bo xlike On the lookout fo r new actin g at once It's s illy and absurd to - - com partm ent M «• V* ta le n t. C o lum b ia has signed Benno th in k o f a g ir l yo u r age fa llin g In 48 Edible Schneider as top dram a coach. He love, especially w ith a m an who H 40 4. gam e 42 la rehearsing a group o f players, m akes love to e ve ry stenographer I flsh some o f whom w ill be selected fo r he e m p lo ys.” 41 46 Seed o f -M * » /S /s screen tests M eanw hile R ich a rd T hat n ig h t Aaron suggested a //// the oak Quin«, a ta le n t acout, is to u rin g d riv e throu gh the co u n try and was 4* 47. Bonea 4® the sum m e r theaters In Denver, d e lig hted when M ss Daniels ac la n a t.) O m aha. C hicago and the East He cepted. I t was a b e a u tifu l June eve 48 Slay 49 to re ce n tly co produced and co- ning. w ith a fu ll moon and a cool 49 Require d ire e te d “ L e a th e r G loves” for in g breeze blow ing olT the ocean. I 50. W h irlp o o l C olum bia It m ig h t have been the atm ospher- I STAGE SCREEN RADIO ra n puzzi e PUZZLE NO. n .»’.EWE A LITTLE WEAPY OF TENNIS AFTER WINNING THE 1949 SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA DOUBLES C H A M P IO N S H IP . IT TOOK THEM 135 GAMES TO BEAT’ FANCHO'GONZALES AND HUGH S TEW AR T. THE SCORES WERE 3 6 -3 4 ,3 -6 ,4 -6 ,6 -4 ,1 9 -1 7 , AND THE MATCH TOOK FIV E HOURS TO P LA Y ! ti?HE NATIONAL LEAGUE H AS OFFICIALLY BAN NED THE PLAYING OF THE S O N G T h REE BLIND MICE’ « TOO MUCH OF A POKE AT THE UMPIRES. SPORT LIGHT- Cards, Dodgers Rule the Roost By GRANTLAND RICE. •H E N A T IO N A L L E A G U E is a 1 baseball c ir c u it where p ra c tic a lly a ll the pennant p la yin g la te ly has been by the C a rdin als and the Dodgers. Once in a ra re w h ile some in te r lo pe r, such as the B raves of 1948, breaks in to the p ictu re . B u t fo r the g re a te r p a rt o f the tim e it is the C a rdin als and the Dodgers ro llin g tog ether down the stretch. Once they get in to the w orld series the C a rd in a ls are a fa r d if fe re n t team . The W * .... a '-w>” T Cards have won a flo c k o f such post season pastorals w h ile tl the Dodgers have y< ye t to come --à T s a f e 1 y : through. B u t they can s tir up a lo t o f dust try in g . In the la st eight - - - if . . . . • years only the Cubs G ra n tla n d Rice „ , .. and B raves have each slipped throu gh once, p ro b ab ly when the C a rd in a ls and Dodgers were not looking. Now we get the same s to ry in the steam y y e a r of 1949. The B raves and P h il lies m ay be ra te d a chance, but the bet is tha t e ith e r Dodgers or C a rdin als w ill take over the A u g ust and Septem ber stretch. Last spring it looked as if the N a tio n a l League would have m uch the be tte r race. Now w ith the .Athletics and the Red Sox s till busy, w ith C le ve la n d ’s In d ia n s beginning to act in a ho stile m anner again, the A .L . race m ay be m uch the be tte r show. I t is about tim e the o th e r six clubs in the N a tio n a l picked up m o re steam. The crash of the 1 »rates was a heavy disappoint m e n t- as m uch of a jo lt as the d ° " n faU o f the Red Sox was up th ro u g h J u ly F o u rth . The m ain idea seems to be th a t a n yth in g can s till happen in baseball. —o— "Don't Piay Out A Nine" addressed to the ge n ia l host of high handicap golfers. God bless ’em ; w ith o u t them the re w ould be no lu sh green fa irw a y s , bordered w ith sky blue lakes and sta te ly pine trees; no h e a lth fu l and beau t if u l outdoors bro u g h t to y o u r d o or step. They are the m a jo rity . "F re q u e n tly they, o r ra th e r you, p la y w ith low handicappers, b u s i ness associates and oth er frien ds, and su ffe r m en ta l anguish because you know they would p re fe r p la y in g w ith b e lte r golfers. You are d e fin ite ly rig h t, but fo r an en tir e ly d iffe re n t reason than you th in k. Seventy and lo w 80 shooters do not m in d i f you carve out a neat 105, but when you bo ther th e ir gam e by not observing the sim plest rules, they feel lik e cro w n in g you w ith a n ib lic k —and you do not alw ays observe them . “ A good g o lfe r only wants to be p e rm itte d to play his ow n gam e, undisturbed. Here are a few sug gestions: (1) . “ Do not de la y the gam e. This is the m ost com m on fa u lt, and th is alone is enough to ru in the concen tra tio n of oth er m em bers of your foursom e. (a) “ Be in a position to p lay when i t comes you r turn. <b) “ Do not take a lo t of p ra ctice stro ke s; pre fe ra b ly none, (c) “ Do not p a in sta kin g ly play out a nine or oth er high score when you are com p le te ly out of the contest. Pick up. O thers w ant to get on w ith the gam e. Id) "D o not ask everyone in you r foursom e w hat club to use. (2) . "B e quiet, m otionless and look at the p la y e r address in g the b a ll u n til he has played. (3) . "M a n y d u ffe rs cuss out th e ir own m istake s, loud, long and con tinu ou sly. D on’t do it. O thers are tr y in g to co n ce n tra te on th e ir own ga m e.” A p p a re n tly a nu m be r of golfers are g e ttin g m uch slow er than they w ere some tim e ago. Ju s t as we were try in g to w ork up a message, the fo llo w in g a r riv e d fro m F .A .W ., an em inent There have been a flo c k o f gre at g o lfe r and also a hot ro o te r for b a llp la ye rs around N ew Y o rk and M ic h ig a n 's fo o tb a ll team against B ro o k ly n in the last tw o days. T h e ir a ll com ers. tongues, as usual, w ere busy. The T h is seems to cover the fie ld f ir s t top ic was Joe D iM a g g io and co m p le te ly — his spe ctacular re tu rn to his best “ People love g o lf and I love peo fo rm w ith no chanc-' ■ get in top ple. and so to d a y’s re m a rks are shape. I t seems he did. Joe Surprises B y T om G regory WHEELBARROW S TU N T s in k S r v A iN t a IF YOU INSTALL A S i N k , STRAINER. IN THE BOTTOM OF A WHEELBARROW THAT IS USED FOR CARRYING VEGETABLES, YOU CAN WASH THE PRODUCE RIGHT IN THE WHEELBARROW WITH A HOSE THE STRAINER ALLOWING THE WATER TO RUN THROUGH THE BOTTOM YOUR DOG CHASE CARS 7 ONE WAY TO PREVENT DOGS FROM C HASING CARS IS TO attach a s m a l l rubber b a h to one of the dogs fro nt legs , the ball w ill prevent THE DOG FRO M R U N N IN G FAST S tR 'O U S ACCIDENTS HAVE BEEN CAUSED BY DOGS CHASiNG CARS