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About Newberg graphic. (Newberg, Or.) 1888-1993 | View Entire Issue (June 9, 1904)
U. S. SENATOR FROM SOUTH CAROLINA Recommends Pe-ru-na For Dyspepsia and Stomach Trouble Mother Goldfish— Where hare yon boon, W illie T WUUo—Only Joet around the globe, ma.— Ohicago News. Bmellne— Baza and I can hardly un derstand each othgr orer the telephone. Edgar— W ell, talk one at a tim e “ K now hlm? I should u y so! W e are huabanda-in-law.n “ Eh?" “ Our w ires w ere divorced from the same at O ther Has These Rem edies Do N ot Reach the Seat o f the D ifficu lty, W hich Is R eally Catarrh. “ She told me that I might hope.“ “ B etter look out! I'v e known girls to say that when they intended to accept a chap.” — Puck. “ Smith has lost his Job, an4 Pm hustling to get him another.“ “ You are* “ Yes. I ow e him ten dollars, and Fm afraid he’ll be needing I t “ — Pack. f . Stranger—Seems to me this crowd ed street is a Queer place for a hospi Bean the Signature of tal. N ative—W ell, I don’t know. T w o trolley lines m eet here.—N ew York W eekly. “ H ow did you get your black eye. Sambo?“ ' “ W ell, boss, yer see I waa out a-lookln’ fe r trouble, and dls 'ere eye was de fast to find I t ” — Yonkers Statesman. Philanthropist— Why did yon change the title o f “ T h e Ladles’ Home” to “ Old Ladles' Hom e” ? Mrs. Du Goods — f t was becoming too crowded.— N ew York W eekly. H e who is guilty of equivocation may Cotton exports for 1908 were 9378,* Parker—W e’ r e moved again. Barker well be suspected of hypocrisy.— Maun- 000,000; more than a million dollars a — You have? Parker—Yes; the chil day. dren w ere so noisy that w e couldn’t stand w hat the neighbors said about them.— D etroit Free Frees. Yeung lady— I can always tell your work the instant I artist (delighted)— C in you, really? Young lady— Easily. The women all look alike.— New York Weekly. “ W oman Is naturally o f a clinging nature,” observed he. “Yea,” rejoined his w ife, “ but she isn’t to be compar ed w ith a man when It comes to hold ing on to a 95 bill.” — New Yorker. Sam Shinbone—Fse thlnkin’ ob m arrying dat youngest Jackson gaL Mose Johnson— Don’t do It, nigger— |on’t do I t W hy, (lat gal never kep’ a Job fo r over tw o weeks In her life.— Ex. Prospective Benedict—Are yon w ill ing to become everything or nothing for my sake? Prospective Bride— Yea, i f yon leave out the “ nothing“ part o f the proposition.— Baltim ore American. * “ B ring, me some coffee,“ said Mr. Nurox. as he finished his dessert “ Demi-tasse?" inquired the waiter. “ Sure, I f that’s the best you g o t end say, bring- one o* them little pots fu ll of i t ” — Philadelphia Press. “ You are always more or less skep tical about what you aee In p rin t” “ Yea,” answered the man who baa his own Ideas about things. “ Truth may be at the bottom of a w ell, but it isn’t an ink w ell.” — Washington Star. Husband (o f popular author)— Do you mean to M l me, doctor, that my w ife la Insane? Doctor— No. not ao bad as th a t but she ^ h op elessly fool Husband— W ell, that’ s a relief. a ish. I was afraid her usefulness as a w riter is was impaired— Life. A prison visitor recently asked one o f the prisoners how he came to be L yd ia E* Pinfcham 's Vegetable Compounds there. “ W ant,” was the answer. « D ear M tul PnncHAsc:— Ignorance and neglect are the canse of “ H ow was th at pray?" “ W ell, 1 want untold female suffering, not only with the laws of health but with the ed another man’s watch. H e wasn’t of a cure. I did not heed the warnings of headaches, organic w illin g I shotUd have I t and the Judge rm.lnn, and general weariness, nntil I was well mgh prostrated. I knew I wants me to stay here five years.” — had to do something. Happily I did the right thing. I took Lydia E . Tit-Bits. BA-M inAlVK and was rewarded in a few weeks to find that my aches and pains dis appeared, and I again felt the glow of health through my body. Sinoe I have been w ell I have been more careful, I have also advised a number o f my sick friends to take Lydia E . Pinkham ’s Vegetable Com pound, end they have never had reason to be sorry. Yours very truly, Mug. M a t F a i r b a n k s , 216 South 7th S t, Minneapolis, M inn." (M rs. Fair- s. P i n k h a m :— F o r over two years re than tongue can express with idder trouble. M y physician pro trouble catarrh o f the bladder, il&oement of the womb. I had a re to urinate, and it was very pain- is of blood would pass w ith the bad backache very often, riting to you, and receiving your itter, I followed your advice, and L ittle W illie, who is a Philadelphia boy, bad been watching a dog chasing his tail fo r three mlnntee. “ Papa,” he asked, “ what kind of a dog la that?” “ T h a t” wild the father, “ la a watch dog.” W illie was silent a moment “ W ell,” be Anally said, “ from the time he takes to wind him self up I guess be must be a W aterbary watch dog.” — Philadelphia Ledger. • Mrs. Househunter—This bouse does not seem to be very substantially b u ilt Even the floor shakes when w e walk on i t Agent— But, madam, thla floor is— er—the very latest thing In spring dancing floors. All the newest honses have them. Mrs. Househunter— And the stairs creak terribly. Agent— Oh. w e don’t make any extra charge for those patent burglar-alarm stairs, m id im .— Chicago News. Dick— Say— seen a letter o f mine lying around, gray envelope? Sweep M ops making the bed)— Do you mean a letter starting off, “ Dearest Dickie,” and asking you to come down and spend Sunday, and telling you bow lonely she has been all the week, and ending up, “ Your own little Gladys” ? Dick— Y e—ts. Sweep (going on mak ing the bed)— Then It’s in yonr top chifloaisr drawer.— Tale Record. m. U OUILUK. I f you do not derive prom pt and sat isfactory results from the use of Pera na, w rite at once to Dr. Hartman, g iv ing a fu ll statement of your case, and he w ill be pleased to give you his val uable advice gratis. Address D r. Hartman, President of The Hartman Sanitarium , Columbus, Ohio. Apply to NATHAN BICKFORD, »14 P St. hundred to wun ovah to Lnnnon? Washington, D. c. 6 th N. H. Vols., 1*61-66. F a ta « •What’s the object? “ Golf. “ Good! I f you learn how to play golf, “ Oh, I don’t want to play It. I want to learn how to pwonownee it.” W E W ANT AGENTS $150 and up per month to ener- ^ " town in Oregon Washington and Idaho. Dignified, hon orable, permanent and immensely profit able employment at home or on the road; something new; send stamp or call at office for details. SQUARE DEAL BROKERAGE CO. 129 Seventh Street, Portland, Oregon CURE Horses of HEAVES, Diatesnper, Pink B j t o r Indigestion. A great BLOOD PURIFIER ARB CO I MTIOHCa and a sure care for all ailments from which heaves arise. C U R K D 9 A M O9 9 9 9 . I t o r . kam using Prassten H w n Powder, the p u t right month* and In that Um« ha, s in d || hors— o f B a n s . 14 o f Distemper tad 0 o f Chronic Cough. Tbs Premia ■ tm .iUn k in gelnsS a great lepnteMos ln täte ttsB aa—B rass Sshncks, »«w a sh ,» . 1 PRICK! A T DKALMUS, M et BY M A IL , SO* warning * symptoms; will soon ? prostrate ‘woman. She thinks womans ^safeguard Footlnltt (energetically helping at basaar)— W on’t you put In for a ralfie for this cushion? V isitor— Ch. no, thanksl Footlnltt—O f coarse, It’s rather useless and gaudy, and so forth; and personally I think the design’ s rotten. But do put In fo r It l V isitor— ' No. thanksl I made lt l— Punch. E z U . 8. Senator M . 0 . Bntler, from Sooth Carolina, was senator from that state for two terms. In a recent letter to The Perana Medicine Co., from Washington, D. C ., says: ••I can recomm end Perana tor dys* sta and stomach trouble. I have a using y ou r m edicine fo r a short period and I fe e l v e ry much relieved. It la indeed a wonderful m edicine be sides a good tonic.” —M . C. B utler. The only rational nay to cure dys pepsia is to remove the catarrh. P e rana cores catarrh. Parana does not produce artificial digestion. I t cores catarrh and leaves the stomach to per form digestion in a natural way. This is vastly better and safer than resorting to artificial methods or narcotics. Perana has cored more cases of dys pepsia than ail other remedies com bined, sim ply because'it cores catarrh wherever located. I f catarrh is locat ed in the head, Perana cures i t . . I f catarrh has fastened itself in the throat or bronchial tubes, Parana cares it. When catarrh becomes settled in the stomach, Perana cares it, as w ell in this location as in any other. Perana is not sim ply a remedy for dyspepsia. Perana is a catarrh remedy. Perana cares dyspepsia because it is generally dependent opon catarrh. K In Use For Over 3 0 Years. Pinkham ’s Vegetable Compound faithfully, according to directions, D igestive R ei Been Invented r i B i v h v u u i d an a v o u i u u i i u u u g . a u u lu u ru •re various kinds of it. Many plates never were right. Others are properly made, bat the mouth la not put in proper condition tor wearing the plate. W ,.j , * a n If yonr platoa are In an; we* will be gled to mate an examination d tell you the cause of trouble. We extract teeth wholly without pain and nil work is at lower than reasonable rates. H H H H H H I H H Extracting free when platee or bridges are i>tL M. A. « u s ordered. ’ISE BROS., Dentists Open evening till • u a i. r. m - , *— Sundays from » to 13 Oregon, Main 'MJtt mmsmm W rite fo r Catalogue and P rices IV E B ETTER satisfaction than anything on the market at any thing like the price, because they are made of good material to stand “ Oregon roads” —iron corners on bodies, braces on shafts, heavy second growth wheels, screwed rims. G ttltS ttt I f yon want to feel sure that yon are getting yonr money’s worth, ask for a “ Bee Line” or a M itchell Buggy. WE GUARANTEE THEM.