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About Coquille herald. (Coquille, Coos County, Or.) 1905-1917 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 7, 1913)
HE COULD PLAY BILLIARDS. 1 ROMANCE OF A RIFLE.
SK O O K U M
R ESTA U R A N T
Rooms ill Connetion
B ait End Pirat St.
GEO. C. T HERAULT
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WE PRINT THEM
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The Old Farmer 8urprieed Boheefer
end Hung Up e Record.
•‘Some years ago." said a sporting
man, “when 'W izard' Jake Schaefer
kept a billiard room In New York city,
he was always ready to play all
comers wbo desired a game. Many
strangers and people unknown to
Schaefer DHturally strolled In—many,
too, wbo probably did not kDow him.
But It made no difference to Schaefer.
Sometimes strangers would desire to
pluy for money, but this Schaefer
would never do. To all such propo
sitions he would say, ‘No, I w on't
play for money, but I’ll tell you w hat
I will do—1 will play a game, the loaer
to treat the house.’
“One day an old farm er entered the
place, and after wandering about look
ing at the pictures on the walla and
examining the tables be asked If there
was auy one present who would like
to play blm a game of billiards.
Schaefer, as usual, said th at be would
pluy tbe stranger.
- 'How much shall we play foe7*
asked tbe farmer.
“ T never play for money,’ replied
Schaefer, ‘but I will play you for the
drinks for the house.’
’’ ‘All right,' said the farm er. ’How
many points shall we play T
“ ‘Oh,’ replied Schaefer demurely tn
all tbe consciousness of bis euperlor
powers, ‘we'll Just play until you are
satisfied, and we will call th at a
“The crowd smiled as the players
prepared for the contest The bells
were placed on the table, and Schaefer
brought out bis favorite cue, and It
fell tc bis lot to open the game.
“Tbe opening shot In a billiard game
Is a som ewhat difficult one, as most
players know, and Schaefer, probably
through Indifference, missed i t He
not only missed It but left the balls
close together near one of the cush
ions. It was what la termed In bil
liard parlance as a ‘set up.’
"The old farm er carefully chalked
his cue and after deliberation m ade
the sho t He then gazed at tbe balls
a moment, looked curiously at Bcbae
for for a few seconds, laid down bis
cue and exclaimed:
“ ‘I am satisfied.’
“Tbe score was then 1 to 0 In favor
of the old farmer, but as Schaefer
hod agreed to make tbe gam e as long
or short as tbe farm er desired he
had to be satisfied. Schaefer of course
bad to Invito all present. Including bis
conqueror, to partake of the hospital
ity of tbe house. As tbe crowd laughed
and drank Schaefer rem arked that the
game was the shortest he had ever
played and probably tbe shortest on
You never received a reply to It. and
you wonder If It was delivered or If It
was lost. If your name and address
had been on the envelope It would have
been returned to you If the addressee
could not be found.
Let us show you how cheap
we can print $00 or 1,000 envel
opes We will also print letter
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E. & E. T. Kruse
24 California Street» San Francisco
Better Than Wisdom.
There are more quarrels smothered
by Just shutting your mouth and hold
ing It shut than by all tbe wisdom In
the world.—Henry W ard Beecher.
Before and After.
An unusually conceited man, who
prided himself on being a Judge of
character and had declared that when
be selected a wife he would make sura
that he secured a gentle and devoted
woman, was past thirty when he m ar
ried. An old acquaintance, meeting
him for the flrat time afterw ard, said:
“Well, John, I bear you have taken a
wife at Inst? Itlght sort, of co u rse-
gentle, devoted, obedient T' “Yes,"
drawled John dubiously—"she wasT'
Hit the Danger Spot.
A tippler with a very red nose got
a day’s work as a laborer tn a boiler
works. The same day he appeared be
fore the surgeon at tbe hospital w ith
his nose smashed.
"Good gracious I’’ exclaimed the sor-
NOSLER & NORTON
F ire w o o d
has had Our Careful
It is our business, so it
is necessary that we use
the very best and latest
methods to turn out the
best work possible
Our service i« at your command.
If von arc not already a customer
we would l»e glad to add you to
our host of satisfied patrons.
It Is Visible Only Beoauee It Contains
Nothing That la Visible.
Immediately below tbe lower stars
of the group which forms the Southern
Cross there Is a black patch In the sky,
dark, sack shaped and mysterious.
Scientifically accurate astronom ers ex
plain th at it Is not a patch, but rather
something which becomes visible by
reason of tbe anomaly th at it contains
nothing th at Is visible.
The lay mind, preferring bald reality
to abstract truth, Is som ew hat startled
to learn th at an object is seen because
there Is nothing In It to see. but no one
can dispute the fact. Tbe coal sack is
visible because it contains nothing tb at
In other words. It Is a vast bole In
tbe stellar system in which there is not
even a pinch of stellar dust to shed a
flicker of luminosity. It Is typically
and absolutely the quintessence of
Because It Is so and in contradiction
of all preconceived notions the human
eye can see It w ithout the aid of a
telescope or other Instrum ent.
Between the stars of the Milky way
there are many little holes In the stel
lar system —little by comparison, th at
Is to say—but one m ust have telescopes
and patience to find them. One need
only cross the line to the southern
hemisphoro nnd locate the Southern
Cross In order to see the coal sack.
The Story of a Martinet Colonel, a Cap
tain and a Sword.
Tbe colonel of an Kngllsb regiment,
a rigid m artinet. Is sitting at tbe win
dow of bis room when, looking out, be
sees a cuptrln crossing the barrack
yard toward the gate, lxtokiug at him
cloaely he Is shocked to observe that,
the rules and regulations to the con
trary notwithstanding, the captain
does not carry a sword.
"Captain!" be calls from the win
dow. “HI. captain, step up to my
room for a moment, will you?”
The captain obeys promptly, borrows
a aword of the officer of the guard, the
guardroom being at tbe foot of tbe
atalra, and presents himself to the
colonel In Irreproachable dress.
Tbe colonel Is somewhat surprised to
see tbe sword In Its place and, baring
to Invent some pretext for calling Ills
suliordlnate back, says, with some con
fusion: “Beg your pardon, captain,
but really I've forgotten w hat It was
1 wanted to speak to you atmut. How
ever. It can’t have been very impor
tant. It’ll keep. Good m orning”
Tile captain salutes, departs, returns
tbe sword to Its owner and Is milking
off across the barrack yard, where he
again comes within range of the colo
The colonel rubs his eyes, stares,
says softly to himself: “How In thun
der Is tills? He hasn’t a sword to his
w aist!” then calls aloud: “Captain!
HI, captain! One moment, please!”
The captain returns, borrows tbe
sword again, mounts the stairs and
enters the colonel's presence. His com
manding officer stares at him Intently.
He has a sword: be sees it; be bears
“Captain," be stnnnners. growing
very hot, "it’s ridiculous, you know,
but—ha! ha!—I’d Just remembered w hat
I w anted to say to you. and now -b a!
ba!—It's gone out of my head again!
Funny. Isn't It? Ha. ha. ha! Losing
my memory. Never mind. I’ll think
of It and write you. Good morning."
The captain salutes, departs, returns
the sword to Its owner and makes for
the gate. As be crosses tbe barrack
yard the colonel calls his wife to bis
side and B ays, "See tbat officer out
"H as he got a sword on?”
The colonel's wife adjusts her eye
glass upon him, scans blm keenly and
says. "H e hasn't a taste of a sword.”
The colonel: "T hat’s Just where you
fool yourself. Yes, he has.”
Trials teach us w hat we are. They
dig up the soil anil let us see w hat we
are made of; they Just turn up some of
the 111 weeds on to the surface.—Spur
When Sheridan Made a Hit.
One often hue amusing experience»
writes Murk Sheridan, the actor, in th
Loudon Strand, the humor of whir
only ztrlketi one afterw ard. Such
one occurred t
me a num ber o:
years ago at
very small hal
In the province
where the stag
was so Mrnlte i
and of surh
prim itive k in I
tbnt some of u
had to use th
back of the slug
as a dressing
M.18TENKD A MOMENT room, our able
Mona after tbe show being sometimes
performed lu a basin or a garde i
bucket placed on u chair. One night
't was winter, and tbe uudleuee was
Slmost as chilly ns tbe w eather—I bud
finished my turn and. stripping to th.
waist, was “ablutlng” violently In th
old tin basin when somebody made a
mistake, nnd. Instead of lowering the
curtain, tbe back sheet wns pulled up.
disclosing me to view
As I had my hack in that direction
I dhl uut at first renllze whnt bail hap
pened, and, hearing shrieks of laugh
ter, I listened a
moment and re
the folds of the
towel in which
my f a c e wns
w o r d , so ill e-
body's making a
hit!" Getting no
reply. 1 looked e<fc
up, to discover IN T O X VIEW OK
that my erst
while compan THE AUDIENCE.
ions hnd vanished and that, with drip
ping mane, I wns standing In full view
of tbe audience!
I wns pressed very much Immediate
ly afterw ard to enter for the 100 yards
in the following year's theatrical
sports, as It was thought that 1 might
establish n record.
Seen by memory's magic
Yesterday Is golden.
Hope illumes the morrow.
Eyes are only holden
From some fnlr Illusion
When they view today
W illi its mist o f morning
Bitter blown away.
,Sl K nowlton , President
G eo . A. R obinson , Vice-Pres.
R- H. M ast , Cashier.
Farmers and Merchants Bank
Opened for Busmes March, 1890
Ladd & Tilt< n Bank, Portland
National Park, New York
First National Bank, San Francisco
First Trust & Savings, Coos Bay
€>«t€ € :» » » » € € € € • € < €
OLD RELIABLE—EQUIPPED WITH WIRELESS
ALWAYS ON TIME
Sails from Portland
at 8 P. M.,
Sails from Coos Every
at Service of Tide
Tickets on sule to all Eastern points and information as to routes
and rate» cheerfully furnished
IM. L. K0LM, Agent
HK OiriiT B IT ONUB.
geon. “How did you manage to get
your nose smashed like that?”
“Oh.“ cried the snlTerer. “I put my
nose through a hole In the hotter for
a sniff of fresh air, end the man out
side with the hammer mistook It for i
redhot rivet! And be only hit anee
A Great Mualotan.
Willing to have Ms neighbors think
he was a fine mtialclan. Brown In
stalled a mechanical piano near a front
window of hts home, w here he spent
hours each day pedaling out melodise.
“Tour father Is a great piano player.
Isn't h e f one of the neighbors
ed to Brown'« boy William one
’’Yep.” replied W illiam, “but It
his feet awful sore.“
COQUILLE LAUNDRY & ICE CO. H ERA LD O FFIC E
Phone Main 181 i;
’ 00000000000 <> 00000000 <> 00 <x
Fred Von Pegert
C. I. Kime
KIME & VON PEGERT
MECH A N ICAL
H O P
Ge n e r a l Blacksmithing,
Wagon .Making, Machine
Work, Pattern Making and
Casting, Automobile Work.
Ru.eburg-Mcrchfield Auto Stage
Via Ccquille and',Myrtle Point
Lcav d Marshfield.......5 a. m.
Arrives Rose burg 1 p. m.
Leaves Rose b u rg
0 a. m.
Arrives Marsh fit Id afternoon.
Make reservations in advance at Owl
Drug Store, Marssfield.
Yet of all the morrows
That from me are hidden.
A ll the bright days ended
Coming back unbidden.
None or was or will be
Richer In Its way
Than this open handed,
Slightly prized today.
—M argaret E. Sangster
A Quick Answer.
Stages, M jrtle Point to Roseburg, Carrying Baggage and United States Mail
An English tourist was sightseeing
J. L.* LAIRD, Proprietor
In Ireland, anti the guide hud pointed
out the Devil’s gap, the Devil's peak
Livery Barn, Myrtle Point, Both Phones
and the Devil’s leap to him. "F at,”
K n ew F a th e r’s Game.
he said, “the devil seems to have a
great (leal of property la this district." Mark Tw ain’s daughter Susie kept a A. J. SHERWOOD Fra*.
R. E.SHINE, V .-Pres.
“He has. str," replied the guide; "b u t diary at one time in which she noted
I. H. HAZARD, Caihlar
0. C- SANFORD, Asat. Ctshier
The unmusical man If he takes a cu sure, he's like all the landlords—he the occurrences in the family an 1,
among other things, the saying of h »r
rious Interest tn music very often fn- lives In England.”
parents. On one page she wrote th it
vors “program ” music. And the rea
‘‘father sometimes uses stronger words
son is not far to seek. If the music
O P C O ÿ U lliliB , O R E G O N .
snys nothing to him the “program ” The story Is told of the late Mr. when mother isn’t l»y and he thinks
we don’t hear him.” Mrs. Clemens
does. He thinks of the “program," Auguste
therefore, as m aking music more hu was going on the stage hts manager came across the book and showed it .o Transacts a General Banking Buainest-
man, connecting It w ith life, giving it handed him change for a twenty pound her husband, who afterw ard kept a
a definite message to men. As a m at note
that he had wanted cashed. The watch on Susie’s diary. But one dry
Board of Director.
ter of fact, however, the “program” Is money was In gold, nnd the actor slipped his eye caught the following entry:
never the essential thing (I mean by it Into his pocket and harried on to *‘I don’t think I’ll put down any R. O. Dement,
A. J . Sherwood,
National B ark o Commerce. New York Ci
thing more about father, for I think
L, H. Hazard, J Crocker Wonlworth N’lBank, Ran F rau ii
“program ," of course, the official liter take his call.
ary explanation). The “program ” does In the course of his part he had to he does things to have me notice him.
R. E. Shine. I Flrat N at’l Bank of Portland, Portland.
not Interpret tbe music. It Is the mu speak the line. "I am penniless—1 and I believe he reads this diary.”—
Kansas City Journal.
sic th at lends som ething of Itself to
color and emotionalize the "program.”
Music Is the universal native. It Is
A Mean Trick.
never the foreigner w ith the literary
F’oter the G reat particularly delight
person for Interpreter.—Glasgow H er
ed in draw ing teeth, and he strictly
enjoined his servants to send for him
when anything of th at sort was to be
Couldn’t Fool Him.
done. One day his favorite valet de
A witness from the country had been
chainbre seemed very melancholy. The
czar asked him whnt was the matter.
sworn nnd bad taken the witness stand,
and the prosecuting attorney, settling
‘‘Oh. your m ajesty,” said the man.
“ray wife is suffering the greatest ag
down for the examination, asked aa a
ony from toothache, and she obstinate
is now fully equipped with modern
ly refuses to have the tooth taken out.”
“W hat Is your name, sir?”
faces of type and accessories
"If th at Is all,” said Peter, ‘‘we will
The old m an Instantly became angry.
soon cure it. Take me to her at once.”
Leaning far forward, he exclaimed:
for the execution of
When they arrived the woman de
"Now, see here; you can’t run any of
dared th at she was not suffering at
this monkey business In on me! I
all; there was nothing the m atter with
beard you tell the clerk to call my
name, and so I know you know It all
"T hat is the way she talks, your
right, blame you anyhow!” — Chicago
m ajesty.” said the valet. ‘‘»She is suf
‘‘Hold her head and hands,” said thu
czar, ‘i will have It out in a minute.”
“And. darling,” snys the bridegroom,
And he instantly pulled out the indi
“you are going to put your bridal
cated tooth with great dexterity amid
gown nwny tn a Trunk In the attic, I
profuse thanks from the husband.
W hat was Peter’s indignation to dis
“Yes, Indeed!” the bride says.
cover a little later that his valet had
“Manrnm alw ays laid If yon saved
used him as an executioner to punish
anything for seven years you would
his wife, who had never had an un
have use for It again.”—Chicago Post.
" I AM p e n n i l e s s !'
sound tooth in her head.
am penniless!" nnd raise Ills handker
in a style unexcelled and at prices
Getting Used to It,
to his eyes to wipe away the
Clothes and the Man.
“How are you getting on In society?” chief
equally as inviting as can be
“Pretty well,” replted Mr. Cumrox. Unfortunately he forgot all about tbe ever owned a silk hat. Nobody around
obtained from others
“I am much more at home In my own handful
of gold be hnd stuffed In his W ashington remembers seeing him
house than I used to be. When we pocket, and
have a reception now people very sel penniless” he pulled out his handker is quite so fam iliar to his friends as
dom drag me up and try to Introduce chief
a shower of gold cam e with It. the type of black soft hat which he has
me to tny wife and daughters.”— Tile pieces
rolled all over the stage. made famous. It recalls on amusing
W ashington Star.
Van Blene stood staring at them In Incident that occurred In the old Ar
amazement while the audience howled. lington hotel a few years ago. Mr
Cannon strolled into the place one
”1 suppose,” he ventured, “tbat you
evening with his secretary. L. White
would never speak to me again If I Speaker Champ Clark has a friend Rusbey. Now. it happened that Butbey
were to kiss you?”
who struck W nshlngton In bad health wns always a good deal heavier on
“Oh. George!" she exclaimed. "Why nnd
funds. He beenme so 111 dress than his chief. This particular
don't you get over the habit of always that without
to a hospital. night he wns immaculate.
looking at tile worst side of things?”— A few days Inter sent the him
received A man In the lobby wns showing h
London Tit Bits.
visitor the sights.
this letter from the Invalid:
“There’s Uncle Joe Cannon.** he said,
Dear Champ—I am much better. Please
bring me some magazines. Please bring nudging the stranger.
the makings, bag o f tobacco, and book
Mother (admonishing)—Don't let the of me cigarette
Please bring me some
men come too near you when court o f Sir Walter papers.
visitor, looking at Bushev. "Who 1s
ing. D aughter—Charles and I have s P. 8 - P le a s e bring me a pie.
that old slouch with blm?’*—W ashing
chair between W - Judge.
—Wnshlngton Star. ton Star
F IR S T N A T IO N A L . B A N K
E very Part of the Art of
THE COAL SACK IN THE SKY.
Coquille H erald
Agents, Coquille, Oregon
It Linked a Soldier W ith Two W ais
Twonty-two Y ear. Apart.
While Mr. Frederic Martyu was
serving lu Africa with the French For
eign Legion there came under his no
tice an Incident that he records In
“Life lu the Legion.” The legion had
advanced against the Dahoiuan arm y
ind was In pursuit of the Black w arri
A Dahomau w arrior w as killed in
the act of leveling his gnu at Captain
Buttreau of the legion from behind a
cotton tree on the side of a nearby hill.
As be fell his rifle clattered down at
the offleer’a very feet. Captain Bat-
treau saw th at It wns an old chasse-
pot and picked It up out of curiosity.
Suddenly be became very much Inter
ested. He examined It carefully and
at last exclaimed w ith a gasp of aston
“Well, this Is a miracle! Here is tbe
very rifle 1 used In 1870 duriug the
war with Germany! See th at hole in
the butt? T hat was made by a P rus
sian bullet at Ralnt-Prtvat. I could
tell the gun from among a million by
that m ark alone, but here's my num
ber stam ped on It as well, which Is
evidence enough for anybody. Wbo
would have thought It possible that I
should pick up in Africa, as a captain,
a rifle that I used In F rance us a ser
geant twenty-two years ago? It Is In
Captain H attreau was able to prove
that tbe rifle bad Indeed been bis, and
he received permission to keep It.
IC a u t I r i r f a
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