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About Coquille herald. (Coquille, Coos County, Or.) 1905-1917 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 7, 1913)
HE COULD PLAY BILLIARDS. 1 ROMANCE OF A RIFLE. TH E SK O O K U M R ESTA U R A N T Rooms ill Connetion Alexson Building B ait End Pirat St. GEO. C. T HERAULT PHOPRIETOH Envelopes, o Letterheads, C ards, Circulars, "billheads, (, Statem ents. YOU WANT THEM AND WE PRINT THEM Call and see us or telephone and we will call and see you. If we don’t do your printing wo both lose money. The Old Farmer 8urprieed Boheefer end Hung Up e Record. •‘Some years ago." said a sporting man, “when 'W izard' Jake Schaefer kept a billiard room In New York city, he was always ready to play all comers wbo desired a game. Many strangers and people unknown to Schaefer DHturally strolled In—many, too, wbo probably did not kDow him. But It made no difference to Schaefer. Sometimes strangers would desire to pluy for money, but this Schaefer would never do. To all such propo sitions he would say, ‘No, I w on't play for money, but I’ll tell you w hat I will do—1 will play a game, the loaer to treat the house.’ “One day an old farm er entered the place, and after wandering about look ing at the pictures on the walla and examining the tables be asked If there was auy one present who would like to play blm a game of billiards. Schaefer, as usual, said th at be would pluy tbe stranger. - 'How much shall we play foe7* asked tbe farmer. “ T never play for money,’ replied Schaefer, ‘but I will play you for the drinks for the house.’ ’’ ‘All right,' said the farm er. ’How many points shall we play T “ ‘Oh,’ replied Schaefer demurely tn all tbe consciousness of bis euperlor powers, ‘we'll Just play until you are satisfied, and we will call th at a ga me.’ “The crowd smiled as the players prepared for the contest The bells were placed on the table, and Schaefer brought out bis favorite cue, and It fell tc bis lot to open the game. “Tbe opening shot In a billiard game Is a som ewhat difficult one, as most players know, and Schaefer, probably through Indifference, missed i t He not only missed It but left the balls close together near one of the cush ions. It was what la termed In bil liard parlance as a ‘set up.’ "The old farm er carefully chalked his cue and after deliberation m ade the sho t He then gazed at tbe balls a moment, looked curiously at Bcbae for for a few seconds, laid down bis cue and exclaimed: “ ‘I am satisfied.’ “Tbe score was then 1 to 0 In favor of the old farmer, but as Schaefer hod agreed to make tbe gam e as long or short as tbe farm er desired he had to be satisfied. Schaefer of course bad to Invito all present. Including bis conqueror, to partake of the hospital ity of tbe house. As tbe crowd laughed and drank Schaefer rem arked that the game was the shortest he had ever played and probably tbe shortest on record." That Letter— You never received a reply to It. and you wonder If It was delivered or If It was lost. If your name and address had been on the envelope It would have been returned to you If the addressee could not be found. Let us show you how cheap we can print $00 or 1,000 envel opes We will also print letter heads. The material, workman ship and price will be right. Str. Elizabeth Regular as the Clock San Francisco a n d Bandon First-class fare only................$7.50 p p freight, per ton.................. 3.00 E. & E. T. Kruse 24 California Street» San Francisco For Reservation* Better Than Wisdom. There are more quarrels smothered by Just shutting your mouth and hold ing It shut than by all tbe wisdom In the world.—Henry W ard Beecher. Before and After. An unusually conceited man, who prided himself on being a Judge of character and had declared that when be selected a wife he would make sura that he secured a gentle and devoted woman, was past thirty when he m ar ried. An old acquaintance, meeting him for the flrat time afterw ard, said: “Well, John, I bear you have taken a wife at Inst? Itlght sort, of co u rse- gentle, devoted, obedient T' “Yes," drawled John dubiously—"she wasT' Hit the Danger Spot. A tippler with a very red nose got a day’s work as a laborer tn a boiler works. The same day he appeared be fore the surgeon at tbe hospital w ith his nose smashed. "Good gracious I’’ exclaimed the sor- NOSLER & NORTON THE HERALD Will Accept à F ire w o o d ----- ON------ LAUNDERING has had Our Careful Attention It is our business, so it is necessary that we use the very best and latest methods to turn out the best work possible Our service i« at your command. If von arc not already a customer we would l»e glad to add you to our host of satisfied patrons. It Is Visible Only Beoauee It Contains Nothing That la Visible. Immediately below tbe lower stars of the group which forms the Southern Cross there Is a black patch In the sky, dark, sack shaped and mysterious. Scientifically accurate astronom ers ex plain th at it Is not a patch, but rather something which becomes visible by reason of tbe anomaly th at it contains nothing th at Is visible. The lay mind, preferring bald reality to abstract truth, Is som ew hat startled to learn th at an object is seen because there Is nothing In It to see. but no one can dispute the fact. Tbe coal sack is visible because it contains nothing tb at Is visible. In other words. It Is a vast bole In tbe stellar system in which there is not even a pinch of stellar dust to shed a flicker of luminosity. It Is typically and absolutely the quintessence of blackness. Because It Is so and in contradiction of all preconceived notions the human eye can see It w ithout the aid of a telescope or other Instrum ent. Between the stars of the Milky way there are many little holes In the stel lar system —little by comparison, th at Is to say—but one m ust have telescopes and patience to find them. One need only cross the line to the southern hemisphoro nnd locate the Southern Cross In order to see the coal sack. The OPTICAL DELUSION. The Story of a Martinet Colonel, a Cap tain and a Sword. Tbe colonel of an Kngllsb regiment, a rigid m artinet. Is sitting at tbe win dow of bis room when, looking out, be sees a cuptrln crossing the barrack yard toward the gate, lxtokiug at him cloaely he Is shocked to observe that, the rules and regulations to the con trary notwithstanding, the captain does not carry a sword. "Captain!" be calls from the win dow. “HI. captain, step up to my room for a moment, will you?” The captain obeys promptly, borrows a aword of the officer of the guard, the guardroom being at tbe foot of tbe atalra, and presents himself to the colonel In Irreproachable dress. Tbe colonel Is somewhat surprised to see tbe sword In Its place and, baring to Invent some pretext for calling Ills suliordlnate back, says, with some con fusion: “Beg your pardon, captain, but really I've forgotten w hat It was 1 wanted to speak to you atmut. How ever. It can’t have been very impor tant. It’ll keep. Good m orning” Tile captain salutes, departs, returns tbe sword to Its owner and Is milking off across the barrack yard, where he again comes within range of the colo nel's vision. The colonel rubs his eyes, stares, says softly to himself: “How In thun der Is tills? He hasn’t a sword to his w aist!” then calls aloud: “Captain! HI, captain! One moment, please!” The captain returns, borrows tbe sword again, mounts the stairs and enters the colonel's presence. His com manding officer stares at him Intently. He has a sword: be sees it; be bears It clank. “Captain," be stnnnners. growing very hot, "it’s ridiculous, you know, but—ha! ha!—I’d Just remembered w hat I w anted to say to you. and now -b a! ba!—It's gone out of my head again! Funny. Isn't It? Ha. ha. ha! Losing my memory. Never mind. I’ll think of It and write you. Good morning." The captain salutes, departs, returns the sword to Its owner and makes for the gate. As be crosses tbe barrack yard the colonel calls his wife to bis side and B ays, "See tbat officer out there?” ’’Yes." "H as he got a sword on?” The colonel's wife adjusts her eye glass upon him, scans blm keenly and says. "H e hasn't a taste of a sword.” The colonel: "T hat’s Just where you fool yourself. Yes, he has.” Trials. Trials teach us w hat we are. They dig up the soil anil let us see w hat we are made of; they Just turn up some of the 111 weeds on to the surface.—Spur geon. Scrap Book When Sheridan Made a Hit. One often hue amusing experience» writes Murk Sheridan, the actor, in th Loudon Strand, the humor of whir only ztrlketi one afterw ard. Such one occurred t me a num ber o: years ago at very small hal In the province where the stag accointnodntln i was so Mrnlte i and of surh prim itive k in I tbnt some of u had to use th back of the slug as a dressing M.18TENKD A MOMENT room, our able Mona after tbe show being sometimes performed lu a basin or a garde i bucket placed on u chair. One night 't was winter, and tbe uudleuee was Slmost as chilly ns tbe w eather—I bud finished my turn and. stripping to th. waist, was “ablutlng” violently In th old tin basin when somebody made a mistake, nnd. Instead of lowering the curtain, tbe back sheet wns pulled up. disclosing me to view As I had my hack in that direction I dhl uut at first renllze whnt bail hap pened, and, hearing shrieks of laugh ter, I listened a moment and re marked through the folds of the towel in which my f a c e wns burled, "My w o r d , so ill e- body's making a hit!" Getting no reply. 1 looked e<fc up, to discover IN T O X VIEW OK that my erst while compan THE AUDIENCE. ions hnd vanished and that, with drip ping mane, I wns standing In full view of tbe audience! I wns pressed very much Immediate ly afterw ard to enter for the 100 yards in the following year's theatrical sports, as It was thought that 1 might establish n record. The Present. Seen by memory's magic Yesterday Is golden. Hope illumes the morrow. Eyes are only holden From some fnlr Illusion When they view today W illi its mist o f morning Bitter blown away. ,Sl K nowlton , President m it G eo . A. R obinson , Vice-Pres. R- H. M ast , Cashier. Farmers and Merchants Bank COQUILLE, OREGON Opened for Busmes March, 1890 CORRKSPONDENTS; Ladd & Tilt< n Bank, Portland National Park, New York First National Bank, San Francisco First Trust & Savings, Coos Bay 6 €>«t€ € :» » » » € € € € • € < € OLD RELIABLE—EQUIPPED WITH WIRELESS [Jj STEAMER BREAKWATER ALWAYS ON TIME t Sails from Portland at 8 P. M., Every Tuesday Sails from Coos Every Bay Saturday at Service of Tide Tickets on sule to all Eastern points and information as to routes and rate» cheerfully furnished IM. L. K0LM, Agent HK OiriiT B IT ONUB. geon. “How did you manage to get your nose smashed like that?” “Oh.“ cried the snlTerer. “I put my nose through a hole In the hotter for a sniff of fresh air, end the man out side with the hammer mistook It for i redhot rivet! And be only hit anee that's all.” A Great Mualotan. Willing to have Ms neighbors think he was a fine mtialclan. Brown In stalled a mechanical piano near a front window of hts home, w here he spent hours each day pedaling out melodise. “Tour father Is a great piano player. Isn't h e f one of the neighbors ed to Brown'« boy William one noon. ’’Yep.” replied W illiam, “but It his feet awful sore.“ BU TTER W RAPPERS AT THE COQUILLE LAUNDRY & ICE CO. H ERA LD O FFIC E | V ' * ÎJ * Phone Main 181 i; ’ 00000000000 <> 00000000 <> 00 <x Fred Von Pegert C. I. Kime KIME & VON PEGERT MECH A N ICAL K S H O P Ge n e r a l Blacksmithing, Wagon .Making, Machine Work, Pattern Making and Casting, Automobile Work. Ru.eburg-Mcrchfield Auto Stage Via Ccquille and',Myrtle Point Lcav d Marshfield.......5 a. m. Arrives Rose burg 1 p. m. Leaves Rose b u rg 0 a. m. Arrives Marsh fit Id afternoon. Make reservations in advance at Owl Drug Store, Marssfield. Yet of all the morrows That from me are hidden. A ll the bright days ended Coming back unbidden. None or was or will be Richer In Its way Than this open handed, Slightly prized today. —M argaret E. Sangster A Quick Answer. Stages, M jrtle Point to Roseburg, Carrying Baggage and United States Mail An English tourist was sightseeing J. L.* LAIRD, Proprietor In Ireland, anti the guide hud pointed out the Devil’s gap, the Devil's peak Office at Laird’s Livery Barn, Myrtle Point, Both Phones and the Devil’s leap to him. "F at,” K n ew F a th e r’s Game. he said, “the devil seems to have a great (leal of property la this district." Mark Tw ain’s daughter Susie kept a A. J. SHERWOOD Fra*. R. E.SHINE, V .-Pres. Annotated Music. “He has. str," replied the guide; "b u t diary at one time in which she noted I. H. HAZARD, Caihlar 0. C- SANFORD, Asat. Ctshier The unmusical man If he takes a cu sure, he's like all the landlords—he the occurrences in the family an 1, among other things, the saying of h »r rious Interest tn music very often fn- lives In England.” parents. On one page she wrote th it vors “program ” music. And the rea ‘‘father sometimes uses stronger words son is not far to seek. If the music Spoiled the Effect. O P C O ÿ U lliliB , O R E G O N . snys nothing to him the “program ” The story Is told of the late Mr. when mother isn’t l»y and he thinks we don’t hear him.” Mrs. Clemens does. He thinks of the “program," Auguste Van Blene that once as he therefore, as m aking music more hu was going on the stage hts manager came across the book and showed it .o Transacts a General Banking Buainest- man, connecting It w ith life, giving it handed him change for a twenty pound her husband, who afterw ard kept a a definite message to men. As a m at note that he had wanted cashed. The watch on Susie’s diary. But one dry Board of Director. C.rr.ipond.nts, ter of fact, however, the “program” Is money was In gold, nnd the actor slipped his eye caught the following entry: never the essential thing (I mean by it Into his pocket and harried on to *‘I don’t think I’ll put down any R. O. Dement, A. J . Sherwood, National B ark o Commerce. New York Ci thing more about father, for I think L. Harloeker, L, H. Hazard, J Crocker Wonlworth N’lBank, Ran F rau ii “program ," of course, the official liter take his call. ary explanation). The “program ” does In the course of his part he had to he does things to have me notice him. TeaUh Hacker, R. E. Shine. I Flrat N at’l Bank of Portland, Portland. not Interpret tbe music. It Is the mu speak the line. "I am penniless—1 and I believe he reads this diary.”— Kansas City Journal. sic th at lends som ething of Itself to color and emotionalize the "program.” Music Is the universal native. It Is A Mean Trick. never the foreigner w ith the literary F’oter the G reat particularly delight THE person for Interpreter.—Glasgow H er ed in draw ing teeth, and he strictly ald. enjoined his servants to send for him when anything of th at sort was to be Couldn’t Fool Him. done. One day his favorite valet de A witness from the country had been chainbre seemed very melancholy. The czar asked him whnt was the matter. sworn nnd bad taken the witness stand, and the prosecuting attorney, settling ‘‘Oh. your m ajesty,” said the man. “ray wife is suffering the greatest ag down for the examination, asked aa a starter: ony from toothache, and she obstinate is now fully equipped with modern ly refuses to have the tooth taken out.” “W hat Is your name, sir?” faces of type and accessories "If th at Is all,” said Peter, ‘‘we will The old m an Instantly became angry. soon cure it. Take me to her at once.” Leaning far forward, he exclaimed: for the execution of When they arrived the woman de "Now, see here; you can’t run any of dared th at she was not suffering at this monkey business In on me! I all; there was nothing the m atter with beard you tell the clerk to call my her. name, and so I know you know It all "T hat is the way she talks, your right, blame you anyhow!” — Chicago m ajesty.” said the valet. ‘‘»She is suf News. fering tortures.” ‘‘Hold her head and hands,” said thu Looking Forward. czar, ‘i will have It out in a minute.” “And. darling,” snys the bridegroom, And he instantly pulled out the indi “you are going to put your bridal cated tooth with great dexterity amid gown nwny tn a Trunk In the attic, I profuse thanks from the husband. suppose?” * W hat was Peter’s indignation to dis “Yes, Indeed!” the bride says. W cover a little later that his valet had “Manrnm alw ays laid If yon saved used him as an executioner to punish anything for seven years you would his wife, who had never had an un ve J V k have use for It again.”—Chicago Post. " I AM p e n n i l e s s !' sound tooth in her head. am penniless!" nnd raise Ills handker in a style unexcelled and at prices Getting Used to It, to his eyes to wipe away the Clothes and the Man. “How are you getting on In society?” chief tears. equally as inviting as can be It is doubtful if Uncle Joe Cannon “Pretty well,” replted Mr. Cumrox. Unfortunately he forgot all about tbe ever owned a silk hat. Nobody around obtained from others “I am much more at home In my own handful of gold be hnd stuffed In his W ashington remembers seeing him house than I used to be. When we pocket, and when nt the second “I am wear one. Next to his cigar, nothing have a reception now people very sel penniless” he pulled out his handker is quite so fam iliar to his friends as dom drag me up and try to Introduce chief a shower of gold cam e with It. the type of black soft hat which he has me to tny wife and daughters.”— Tile pieces rolled all over the stage. made famous. It recalls on amusing W ashington Star. Van Blene stood staring at them In Incident that occurred In the old Ar amazement while the audience howled. lington hotel a few years ago. Mr An Invitation. Cannon strolled into the place one ”1 suppose,” he ventured, “tbat you evening with his secretary. L. White An Invalid's Craving. would never speak to me again If I Speaker Champ Clark has a friend Rusbey. Now. it happened that Butbey were to kiss you?” who struck W nshlngton In bad health wns always a good deal heavier on “Oh. George!" she exclaimed. "Why nnd funds. He beenme so 111 dress than his chief. This particular don't you get over the habit of always that without Mr. Clark to a hospital. night he wns immaculate. looking at tile worst side of things?”— A few days Inter sent the him speaker received A man In the lobby wns showing h London Tit Bits. visitor the sights. this letter from the Invalid: “There’s Uncle Joe Cannon.** he said, Dear Champ—I am much better. Please PRINTED PROMPTLY Rathar Ambiguous. bring me some magazines. Please bring nudging the stranger. AND ACCURATELY the makings, bag o f tobacco, and book Mother (admonishing)—Don't let the of me cigarette “You don't tell me!” exclaimed the Please bring me some men come too near you when court o f Sir Walter papers. visitor, looking at Bushev. "Who 1s 8cott*s novels. ing. D aughter—Charles and I have s P. 8 - P le a s e bring me a pie. that old slouch with blm?’*—W ashing El chair between W - Judge. —Wnshlngton Star. ton Star F IR S T N A T IO N A L . B A N K PRINTING & E very Part of the Art of THE COAL SACK IN THE SKY. AN Coquille H erald Agents, Coquille, Oregon SUBSCRIPTION It Linked a Soldier W ith Two W ais Twonty-two Y ear. Apart. While Mr. Frederic Martyu was serving lu Africa with the French For eign Legion there came under his no tice an Incident that he records In “Life lu the Legion.” The legion had advanced against the Dahoiuan arm y ind was In pursuit of the Black w arri ors. A Dahomau w arrior w as killed in the act of leveling his gnu at Captain Buttreau of the legion from behind a cotton tree on the side of a nearby hill. As be fell his rifle clattered down at the offleer’a very feet. Captain Bat- treau saw th at It wns an old chasse- pot and picked It up out of curiosity. Suddenly be became very much Inter ested. He examined It carefully and at last exclaimed w ith a gasp of aston ishment: “Well, this Is a miracle! Here is tbe very rifle 1 used In 1870 duriug the war with Germany! See th at hole in the butt? T hat was made by a P rus sian bullet at Ralnt-Prtvat. I could tell the gun from among a million by that m ark alone, but here's my num ber stam ped on It as well, which Is evidence enough for anybody. Wbo would have thought It possible that I should pick up in Africa, as a captain, a rifle that I used In F rance us a ser geant twenty-two years ago? It Is In credible." Captain H attreau was able to prove that tbe rifle bad Indeed been bis, and he received permission to keep It. IC a u t I r i r f a P O L K ’ S' OREGON and W AS H IN G TO N ( n Business Directory A D irectory of each C ity, T ow n an d V illage, giving d e scrip tiv e e k etch of each place, location, population, tele- g rap h , sh ip p in g and b a n k in g po in t; also Claaained D irectory, complied by business an d profesalon- n. l roi.K a co.. srA vrt.B Have you paid the printer? CHICHESTER S P IL L S W irv T H E DIAM OND BRAND, a l a d lc s l Auk yom « kl-rheB-tcp'R Dl. n i l s in R rtf -m l hoses, seslr-l with T a k e wo o th e r Hwjr nr ? u D m cfisL Ask for C ll l t IP •i.T E lf* DIAMOND H R IM ) IMI I «*, f r i *arsknown as Best,Safest, Always Keluhle SOtDBVDRLGfilSlSLVLMHil* incorporated. M anufacturers of The CelebratedBergmann ¿H oe The Strongest and Nearest Water Proof shoe made for loggers, miners prospectors and mill men. 21 Thurman Street P o rtla n d , O rmon Work entrusted to us will receive the personal supervision of a practical printer who takes pride in the proper execution of every detail El Give Us a Trial Order