COFFEE BREAK
8B — THE OBSERVER & BAKER CITY HERALD
THURSDAY, APRIL 23, 2020
Deepening dementia causes
Let Your GRADUATES’
awkward social situations
Accomplishments SHINE!
DEAR ABBY: During the past year,
my wonderful father-in-law was wid-
owed and became unable to live alone. He
lives with us now and is part of our daily
life. However, he has dementia. He is still
quite social and verbal. If you met him,
you might not realize that his short-term
memory rarely functions or that the fi lters
this well-educated and proper
man once had no longer work
24/7.
Recently, he has started
ogling women and making
comments about their physical
attributes when we go grocery
shopping or take a walk. He is also starting
to confuse the women’s roles in our house-
hold (me, my daughter, daughter-in-law
and niece), which has become even more
awkward. My daughter confi ded that he
made a sexual comment about me. (I’m a
middle-aged, no-nonsense kind of woman.)
How does one approach such a situa-
tion? We don’t want someone slapping him
— or worse. I can say, “That’s not appro-
priate,” then defl ect or laugh it off at home,
knowing he won’t remember what he said
20 minutes later, but how do we make the
best of these circumstances without dimin-
ishing his outside social experiences?
Moving him to a senior living community
is not an option at this point for fi nancial
reasons.
— CAREGIVER WITH A PROBLEM
DEAR CAREGIVER: It’s time for you
to contact the Alzheimer’s Association.
It offers guidance for caregivers like you.
Changes in behavior caused by Alzheimer’s
and other dementias are challenging. It’s
important to remember that these behaviors
are the result of a damaged brain and not
something the person is doing purposely.
If inappropriate behavior occurs in
public, be consistent and kind, but fi rmly
remind the person that the behavior is not
OK. It may help to distract the person from
the immediate situation by directing their
attention elsewhere or giving them some-
thing else to do. Caregivers can create
“business cards” stating briefl y, “My com-
panion has dementia. Please be under-
standing.” Caregivers would give these to
hosts and hostesses when entering restau-
rants, or discreetly hand them to sales-
people if situations start to deteriorate
because the companion exhibits unusual
behavior or lack of a verbal fi lter.
Be transparent with family and friends
about the person with the disease. When
they understand what’s causing these
behaviors and that the individual needs
their help and compassion, they tend to be
less reactive or judgmental. The Alzhei-
mer’s Association may be reached online
(alz.org) or via the toll-free helpline at 800-
272-3900. Please don’t wait.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a teen living with a
foot in each world. My par-
ents are religious and don’t
DEAR
approve of my sexuality (I
am bisexual), and my peers
ABBY
stereotype my beliefs. I feel
rejected by both worlds, and
I’m trying to make it until
I’m 18 so I can leave the situation. Lately,
things have taken a turn for the worse. Both
sides won’t accept me until I am completely
Christian or completely not Christian. Is
there any advice you can give me?
— TEEN IN TURMOIL
DEAR TEEN IN TURMOIL: Just this.
You are a teenager. There are better days
ahead for you. Your current circumstances
may be unpleasant, but they won’t last for-
ever. If living your truth will result in your
being shunned, do whatever you must to
survive for now.
DEAR ABBY: I am 49. I have never mar-
ried, and I am having a hard time fi nding
the right woman for me. I have tried dating
sites, dances, etc., and it seems like women
are not interested in a gentleman anymore.
I am about to give up on women because
I don’t know what else to do. They like the
bad-boy type, and I’m not one of them.
I should mention that 25 years ago I
thought I had found the right one, but I
caught her cheating on me. Now women
reject me. They say either, “You are not my
type” or, “I just want to be friends.” Can
you help me?
— LONELY IN ARIZONA
DEAR LONELY: I’ll try. When a
woman tells you you’re not her type or she
just wants to be friends, what she’s trying
to convey is that the romantic chemistry is
wrong. Having never met you, I can’t guess
why that might be. Perhaps some of your
close friends or family members could tell
you if you need an image makeover.
I will, however, offer this: Younger
women are usually the ones who are
attracted to the “excitement” (stress) that
bad boys provide in abundance. Older ones
would welcome a man with more tradi-
tional values and who treats them well.
In other words, you may be fi shing in the
wrong pond.
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