Hillsboro independent., March 01, 1907, Image 2

m. m - . t sat ki r r . w 'm m saw ' saw am w . v . fa w
Topics of
j tne l lmes
That passeth Into history the em-
bakued Uxnato and the Minted railway
paaa, -
lir lii time the aver.ite ma.i
achlvrra iu-cmi he 1 too old to ap
preciate it
hm li. muat "root" at game.
nues, however lafltfuU nla Inters- lu
them; DJUat defend we wu""
stroke of the crew, error on
mood and on the gr'.Jiron and at hu
xmiat scud bl son to be edi-ted
where be wa educated himself, even
If In hi Judgment some other co.lege
would be better. Unlea he d.ea all
h. .hin m 1th enthuauiun "
thought to be a cburlih fellow without
-college ai)lrlL"
DDDTdPHADl
OPINIONS OF GREAT PAPERS ON IMPORTANT SUBJECTS
The "old red cbool bouse" of fancy
I, fast becoming- a reminiscence In thla
country. The day when tue u.r. .
.... . i -i - i,,.rfajit part In
every rural community ia ton P-
Koiuehow a mau la unable to get ths
Idea Into bla bead that a girl with a
dimple can be In tha Intellectual clan. ,, i,te. f dividing a town-
,' , , I .hip up into fairly regular aecilona. In
Bay. a writer; .uu ia a - ea-ll of mtlk.h WH. to be a "uoui
c
cenalty." We hope the men wuo sirui
around, feeling Ilk a luxury, will
thla.
New York now clalina to have more
than 2.000 mlllloralre. We ruiitht add
that ve'y few of them grew up In Nw
York.
. i ntiii i n i in i
ii a Tnirresaive one. I
en motif those whose own educa
tion waa scanty, but whose Doi.es ior
their children were high. The preaent
tendency toward the conaolldation oi
I.. .11
h.U In the country duea noi iu.
oate a backward tcp. It polnta rawer
toward irreater efflcleJicy. Tue ayatem
waa all right when It wa plaimed. The
prenent trouble la that there are iew
pupil. The country people, line vmr.
city klnafolli, have amall funililea,
where the aettlera of two jceneratkma
.... . I i t i A Tf la no 11 n-
. ..ii.. ... .11 fim rivtr im renreo lurue uiwv. .
A. nroiiuoi ieii u ium. i - - .,, ...v
of the world will dry up In 1IM.T. We common thing to bear
the day when an ciare. uen i .
fifty of ua atteiuiing me
If the Caar were any eort of polltl
dan, be would be making aiawchea at
the worklnginan'a friend Instead
dodging bomba.
of
never expect to ai-o
the propheta will dry up.
Fih have been found In Guatemala,
i ...c.i ith n nnlra of eyes. Thla
offaeta tlwae eyeleaa flU in the Mam
moth cave. Nature generally evena up
thluga.
After a while It will be Just as bard
to recall the name of the miner who
waa burled for fifteen daya aa It ! to
recall the name of the woman who
wrote that book on trial marriagea.
The robber who were "going to re
form" after cracking one more aafe are
now In the claa with the man who I once aroe( notably that of tranRporta
dintrlct. Now there are only xen pu-
Dll. representing three or four fatnl-
Vh..n three acbool aimiora
found thonwelvea meeting to arrarute
for a teacher for balf a doaen puill
and for coal or wood and Janitor ser
vice, and tbn found by comparing
notee that their nelghbora In the ad-
Joining district were facing the same
situation, It was easy to consider a
proposition to unite the two school
under one teacher, thus saving expense
and adding to the rent of teacher and
pupil alike by the inspiration of larger
numbera. Certain new Questions at I
going to
drink.
"swear off" after one more
If our scientists have at laat settled
rha aucstlon whether It was an apple
or a lemon that Eve handed to Aflam,
we can turn our attention to minor
matters.
The Houston Post reproaches the
paragrapher. for overlooking the fact nd (
that a Mr. Cobb. ha. been elected to i w
the Texas leglnlaiure. We acknowl- flre(j wUh tbe tw Kbuola
edge the corn, Cotibs.
President Castro of Veneetiela start
ed In life aa a smutrtfler. The trouble
with moHt sniUKjrlfrs Is that they have
not the desire or the patience to rise to
higher and nobler things.
Diamonds are reported to be going
down In prl-e. This Is probably due
to the fact that general prodperity baa
made It possible for so many people to
have diamonds that they have become
oominon.
A fashion writer nnnounccs that
tUrma will be worn by ladles In the
theitert next season. Well, even when
general prosperity prevails, few ladles
re likely to be able to afford tiaras
that will seriously obstruct the view
from behind them.
The government Is going to buy 27,
000,000 stsmps dally. Perhaps you
think you have done good day's work
whan you have licked a few doten lit
tle stamps, but try and Imagine how
tired you would be If you had to moist
en the mucilage on 27.000,000.
If a rich man's son Is lacy and dissi
pated It Is not always his fault It
may be due to the life his father and
bla money Impose. These self-made
men often have strange Ideas concern
ing society. Ienled It In their youth,
they put a falaeestluiate upon Its value
and so constrain the natural ImpuUes
of their sons and niaks them Idlers In
spite of themselves.
tlon, a thing not always easy during the
winter mouths. If the school privileges
formerly enjoyed near home were made
more remote It was only fair that the
children be carried to the more distant
location. But this did not prove a seri
ous dlfllculty or one of prohibitive ex
pense. A little experience showed a
saving In every way In the case of the
single school with1 one teacher, one
con-
hen
compared with toe two scnoois witn
two teachers, two Janitors, two bills
for heating, and no provision for trans
portation. Nor was combination lim
ited to two schools, for often cones
arose where tbe arrangement of tbe
roads made It possible for successful
union of several small schools In one
largo one, with much better equipment
and teaching staff. The plan ban been
steadily growing In popularity, so that
It may be regarded as the practical
thing to do in the majority of country
districts with fairly limited territorial
area. iJesytte a veto by Gov. Yatea the
Illinois school authorities were enabled
to give it a trial in several counties,
and with good results. When It Is
shown that the cost per pupil In some
of the country schools reaches $92, aa
compared with leas than $20 In the city
schools, the saving by combination Is
readily apparent If combination meant
retrenchment In the facilities for in
struction 11 would rightfully be unpop
ular. Hut where It means better schools
and better equipment there is every
thing In its favor.
EARLY MASONIC LODGE BOOM.
Many persona will be surprised to
learn, ss they may from a report of
Ootiaul-Oenoral Michael of Calcutta,
that moat of the finest rugs which are
shipped from India to the I'nlted
States are made In factories controlled
by American capital, and on designs
which have been worked out In Ameri
ca, to please the American customer.
One firm alone controls ten factories
and employs fifteen tliousand lunula,
divided between spinners and weavers.
This firm would prefer to do Its rug
making In the I'nlted Ktatea, but it Is
Impossible to Induce the bent Indian
rug-makers to leave India, and Ameri
cana will not make rugs by band.
;V
STILL A CHAJfCE FOB TTII POOB BOY.
I HOAKEKS are forever saying tuat the aver
age American Doy w nn Homing but hi r
baud, bla bralua and his pluck Oo 0nter
has chance. Ooue, so the croakers lMUJut
are the good old days when merit, U&
"Excelsior" on its banner, could prea up
ward to the heights. Somehow, tlm natn
to success is supposed to be fenced up at Its very .tart
lug point; and all thut the poor youth of today i, ex
pected by the croakers to do Is to alt down outside th
fence and. bewail bis sad fate all bis day.
Isn't It strange, then, that when consp,.Uout
dies and tbe story of hi life comes out. It , itllI to
ofteu found that no silver spoon was lu bl muutll ,t
birth?
Alexander J. Cnssatt, president of the Penimyifgnla.
and a such guurdlan of a billion of property and em
ployer of lSO.OfQ men, who died the other day, fuiiud
hi first employment as a rodman. The first lesou be
earned in real life was to work. He knew what It
meant to drag tbe chain through brush and
over the
hillside. Then, step by step, he worked upwardi bl
only advantage being superior capacity and a determina
tion to do particular tanks better than others. Cassatf
successor Is Jame McCrea. What waa his start Al
as a rod mun.
The beaten paths to success may be fenced again"
the boy without capital, but there are always way, acros
lots and over the hills. Ho whose Ideals are stars
swung high In the heavens needs no benten path to guld
blm. He who has learned to lubor and whom heart
thrills with aspiration and resolve has the best capital
there Is and the bent chance. The silver spoon in the
mouth at birth Is greatly overrated as a factor either
for success or failure. There are lots of rich young men
whom wealth ha not deHdened. And lots of poor one
who It would not have helped. Kansas City World.
AN IRREPRESSIBLE CONFLICT.
, Oil a time it was supposed that the relutlons
between tho States and the nation had been
permanently adjusted by the Civil var. It
has iutcly been Impressing Itself 0a tbe
minds of the people that the war decided
only the Indissolubility of the fuun, and
that the old conflict between the national
power and state rights Btlll continues.
It I of great importance that the men of the present
and coming generations should glvo serious thought to
these things, so that when they vote they may express
their opinion with Intelligence. The general question Is
between a centralized government, supreme In all mat
ter thnt concern the people of the whole couutry, and
control in local concerns by the State governments, even
when the whole people are Interested In the decision.
How far can or ought the nutlonul government to go
In the regulation of large corporations chartered by one
State, but doing business lu other States? Should It
Interfere In the management of manufacturing as well
as transportation companies? If international compli
cations arise because a State refuses to exerelne its pow
er over affairs within ita borders, shall the national gov
ernment, acting for tbo generul good, step in md try to
set things right?
a I
F
am
and
to nullification In the time or i t".- .
finally to secession in lSi.
On the whole, the nstlo.,.1 power ha been greatly ex
tended as tbe result of suecdve contest yet ery
U esnmn will -Unit that there must be . limit beyond
which the national authority cannot be carried, or the
,url-dU-tlon of the Stat governmen t. restricted, lb.
iuestlou Is, where Is that limit, and It Is upon that that
Irtles have divided from the beginning, and will Ion
continae to confront each other.-Youth'. Companion.
TRAVEL BY BAIL AND SEA. '
EVEUAL hundred ship. wer. lost at sea last
year, but they were nearly all sailing ves
ael. Such steamers as fouudered were
small and antiquated. No flrst-ciasa steam
ship such as tboNe which make up the
fleets of the greut transatlantic companies
wa. ever so much as in danger. -
Tbe peril, of traveling by sea have been almost
eliminated, Modern oceangoing ship, are bandied
with perfect skill and discipline, and one who
takes passage In any of them Is a. safe a. he
would be In hi. own bed. But railroad travel 1. nd safer
than It was thirty year, ago indeed, It may be doubted
whether It is a. safe as it was then. There bave been
frightful accidents of late and person, making railway
Journey consequently have come to feel that tbey are
taking their live. Into their hauda when they enter a
train.
The peril, of the sea are tremendous, but men have
conquered them. The perils of lund are none, and the
dangers of a railroad Journey are all self-created. If
railroads were managed as carefully as steamship line,
there should be no accidents. Tbe trouble I. that rail
roads now seem to be in the hands of Wall street specu
lator, who are more Interested in big dividend on
watered stock, than In Improving their roadn.
Itallronds will some duy be almost as safe a. steam
ships are now, but that time will not come until men
of conscience are placed In charge of them. To-day
tbbse who use tho railroads of the United States take
risk, such as ought not to be demanded of human be
ings. Chicago Journal.
P
mi
PROSPERITY'S CONTINUANCE.
ROl'IIETS and the sons of prophets, prog
nostlcators, star gazers, "financial experts"
and other persons who are manifestly not in
that class, are still disputing as to the con
tinuance of prosperity during 1907. The
alleged lugubrious prediction of Rockefeller
and the gloomy views of Stuyveaant Flub
are quoted on the one hand. On the other, the cheerful
prediction, of a Iirltlsh Rothschild and numerous Amer
ican men of affairs are printed to show that there 1.
nothing whatever the matter with the United States.
The every-dny citizen nmy wisely conclude that the
opinion of one man respecting the future Is Just about
as likely to be correct as that of another, and that bis
own best course will be to apply himself with diligence
to whatever trade or occupation he is engaged In, not
forgetting the fact that it Is always advisable to keep a
certain amount of funds available for squally weather.
Worrying over the possibility or "reaction" In advance
of definite signs of their coming Is not unusually a re-
Hnch are some of the recent form. In whlck this old
nolltlcal question reappears for decision. It s J.,'nunertlve bnbit Sticking at honest work Is apt to be
issue on which Thomas Jefferson defeated-3objjil I much more conducive to useful re-ults.-I'hlladelphla
IHI
for the presidency In 1S00. Tbe conflict ove It led
lletln.
t EXPENSIVE GIFTS.
Socrates used to teach that sin Is Ig
norance. In many caws the Identity Is
evident without philosophic explana
tlon. Recently the United States Civil
Service Commissioners received an II
literate letter from a candidate for
the place of rural carrier In a small
town in New Yprk. The writer naive
ly hoped that the gentlemen would find
his papers "sadlsfactor," and said,
will be pleased to make you gentlemen
a preaent of two hundred dollars If you
will make it In my favor." The next
thing lie knew he had been fined two
hundred dollars and sentenced to day
In prison for attempting to brttie
government officer. The fact that this
unhappy offender put his offer in writ
Lug and addressed it to a public officer
shows that he wsa not a deep-dyed sift
ner, but a foolish man who btdleved
the sensational char gas that moat
not all public offlcars are corrupt
The two girls were talking of Christ
mas gifts, and Dorothy asked Helen
who of all her tribe of relatives and
host of friends seemed to have the
keenest Intuition as to her longings.
"I'm nnt rure about that," said Helen,
after a short period of reflection, "but
I know whose gift I always find saves
me from embarrassment all the next
year Aunt Mary Colburn's.'
"Dear me, that sound mysterious,'
laid Dorothy. What does she give you?'
She gives me a liberal check," said
Helen, "and on the envelope which
contains It she always writes, 'For my
niece Helen to mount and frame pic
tures, supply cushions, and otherwise
finish the gifts she receives.' You see,
people are lovely about embroidering
things for me and giving me valuable
photographs snd sketches, but it costs
The unplcturesque ruin illustrated good deal sometime, to get them In or-
herewith 1. at Williamsburg, Va., and! dor; and yet if you don't, the people
wa. once a Masonic Lodgo, the first who give them to you seem to think
headquarter, of the order In the State you don't appreciate them, and What
of Virginia. It has Iwen unoccupied for I makes you look so queer. Dorothv? Ton
many years, but steps have been taken never gave me an unfinished present"
to rescue It from total decay. Patrick "No," said Dorothy, In a vojee muf-
llulirv m... . . . . I . . . V. I , 1 I AaA IbV li ... .n 1, MAI. u .
..vu,; um m uii-iuifvr ui una louge. 1 v .iiu.iikt-n.-ijitri, out I was
thinking about one somebody gave me
BEATS LAWYER IN REPARTEE. two ago some beautiful mull
nanus; ana 1 ve never been able to f.
W it.,.. k.wi rroaa Ezamlnar Hal rru the dresa to put them On. I haven't
Kaowa Wfcara Ha l.lvaa. I Auni iiary LolDurn. you know"
A veteran member of the Baltimore onght tq have been ashamed r
sr tells of an amusing cross-examlna- myself," said Helen. Youth's Comn.n
i.. i.. . . .... . .. . .. it
" in a cuun or mat city
Tbe cost of being a loyal college
graduate I. Increasing every day. In
dd!tl to ry'n for "directories.
"booklets." "eatalojrues," "student pub
lication." sod various forms of "-lana"
there are class dinner to be subscrib
ed for, clase dormitories to be built
class professorships to be endowed.
prize, scholarships, fellowships and 11
brary foundations to be established.
There I. also a moral aa wall as
financial drain upon the resources of
the alumnus. He has to remain faith
ful even though bis college slay. him.
He must be ready to approve the polk-y
and even the speeches of his college
president He must praise the currVw-
lon.
Taaayaon'a Aatronomr.
Tn Tin i m -iin.i. . .
... - . ...... . i nam or Art" iw,
i lie lines;
She saw the snowy pole, ,nd moong of
The wit
ness had seemed disposed to dodge the
question of counsel for the defense.
'Sir," admonlslieu the counsel stern
ly, "you need not state your Impres
sions, w wsnt facts. Wa am nulta
nu-ni ro rorm our own Imnres- tw ,..( su . ,
Rlona. oW. r. anRWPr ma mtotmr. I tn mi.l i u
- - -- i ". 1 1 iG mart-iiMi a
K'iy." This at first look llfc- -
From that time on he could got little allel to Swift's well kn. ......rnP"
more than "v.." mA . .k. . .i ... nunou.
Witness. Preaentl. v.n,l .wi . ! .nm... . . lne s,ar-
10U UT thai rrm llv. X.w.. I .-ui,. r.. . '
W mc a s I ill n ill iiM a n nil 1 1 1 n i an .
the defendantr Cevlon. mini. m, ..... ' f1.
II. l urner quote. It In "lfu(,Prn A "'
omy" a. having bee written In 5
This, however, annear n,, ...
the case, for Mr. Stevens Z ?J T
nee tn t ki. .. ' er-
Ian-.. " . ' 1' ot ltl late D
"J ie present Loi T :
n ha j found the note: "The t
if
"Yea."
"To the north of him?"
"No
"To the south r
"No."
"Well, to the east, then?"
"No."
Oh!" sxclalmed the lawyer sarcaa. of Mar.' I. tK J 7th 'Moon.
Uoally. "w. are likely t last to a here. All fh. ZJl '"1
down to the one real fact You live to a century old. iwiT-J ?T thnn half
Poet
ny
rUYlVk
bus not anticipated by Tennyson l
the mention of Martian Mi"
Aaiiira. -
A Bitter pWrk
tTI, - . .
iiiinry iv. Ailn r t.i
aetective, replied to the tosst rwV
tlon. at a dinner In lt-
' "UIHIIH
."pecnes, pregnant
in k i ..
the west of him, do you not?"
'No.
How Is that, ttr " the astonished it
torney asked. "You My you live next
door to him. yet be live, neither to the
north, south, east nor west of Ton
nai ao you mean by that sir?"
W hereupon the witness "csme back."
I trmuirht rmpKir.. .
, , nmipav i"1'"' iirrtnant . i.w
tent to form the Impression th.t often heln th det - . m'nln
In . M. 1 .1 .k i. . . I .k .. "
. -"uv. . " Aaair. 'fft
'but I Mt I mnt Inf.irm .. k.. L.lllftrh nf .li.. . Vtttn
. . ... ,,u nini ami " . 1 ,. ii i or fi.n .
live, next door above m." New Tnrw volumes. wl" re-
Time. I "Thus I enca u v..
T.Ik with any . Un, .,Wugh'.na Vll. I Zt
be will tell you of an omsirtunitv h. .t.-. .n to her b!i.!,..
overlooked for making . b:f bunch Isr K, yor
"V you PuJZ r.ll?1 1. do
irw wordr
ISTHMIAN E0AD IS IN 0PERATICN.
Icxxlir
i 0r
ftp
Genr rorflro Dlax, President of the Republic of Mexico, and Sir Weet
man Pairaon recently nominally superintended the unloading of the
first ton of freight from the steamhlp Venture and saw It loaded Into a
'reljcht of ready to be transported across the Isthmus of Tehunntepec on the
Teliuautfj Notional Railroad to Coatzaeoalco. ready for reshlpmcnt by
steamer to New York. In doing so they commercially brought San Francisco
11.C27 inllni nearer New York. The distance around the Horn I. 10,532 mllea,
while that via the Isthmus of Tehuantepec Is only 4,025 miles.
Th Tehuantepec highway, the competitor of ilie Panama Canal, Is now
opened to tli traffic of the world and the dream of Herman Cortes almost
"0 yean ago enme true. Eight years before the possible completion of the
Panama Canal, there Is opened from one ocean to the other an American
Isthmian Mute.' Thirty-five millions of dollars gold bave already been ex
pended Inrfectlng this project, and $15,000,000 more will be expended before
U Is completed.
TWO SUES TO TE0TJBLE.
Mrs. Ph. had lust returned ftoui
lslt to her brother, Colvln Jones.
h had recently l"t the power of
"Peeh through paralytic stroke. "We
mi't chew your mother np all we can,"
Mr. lt.n hnd marked to bis daagh
tPr. -8hl lwgy8 .et conslderabte by
c"lvln. and this affliction that has come
upon him win be apt to upset her com
pletely." Eut. contrary to their expectation.
Mrs. Peter, returned home in a cheer
ful frarn, Bltnd.
"Tour untie ! ff01 nP'tn- 'h
'1 in rjnse to her daught.-r' ln
1'ilrles; "h, eats and sleep, well. Of
" hs wn't talk, and that', a
Jful hard thing to bear, especially
with Jones,
"When man came to the village
on. when we were little, and exam
ined our hea.ia a phrenologist, he was
-be said be never saw larger bump, of
'""gunge h, hg life than Calvin ani I
h"('- Hut ,f course that don't bc'p
clvia any now, but I tad real
good visit with him, and I ihn!I go
often."
"Wasn't it dreadful dull for you, Just
sitting quiet there?" Questioned Mr
Peters.
"Quiet?" Mrs. Peter, looked at Dim
In surprise. "Quiet I Oh. well, of
course Calvin couldn't talk, but he
hasn't lost his hearing, and I rcgird
that as a great mercy. He enn har.
And for the first time In my fe i waj
able to speak my mind fully and freo
ly, and to be certain that I was under
stood and sympathized with, and that
It wouldn't go any further."
Mrs, Peters paused for a moment and
then concluded, "Yes, Calvin', affliction
may be hard to bear, but all my lift. I
have been wishing for a true friend
who would listen to what I had to any
and wouldn't repeat It And now I've
found that friend In Calvin,
"There are alway. two aide, to trou
ble, look at it a. you may." Youth'.
Companion.
A Icieait.
They tell me you're In love with
your employer', wife."
"Nothing In If
"Rut you take her about a great deal.
don't you?"
"That", a bluff of mine to get myself
a stand In with the boss. He hoies
I'm golntf to lope with her." Cleve
land LieadeT.
All Chaxrd.
"How about Mis Sneering?" inquir
ed the returned traveler. "I suppose
you are still friend.?"
"No, indeed," replied Snarley. "Why,
we've been married over a year."
Philadelphia Ledger.
As If .aemed to nrldt.
Mrs. Puton Now that I have engag
ed you, Irld;;et, I am going to begin
right away to give you a little train
ing In the art of waiting on guests.
You see my daughter 1. coming out
next mouth
Rridgot Indade, mum 1 An' how
long wa. alio vlnt up for?
Ten Years Aftrr.
Wife I came acros a bundle of
your old love letters to-day.
Husband Did you read thein over?
Wife Yes.
Husband And whut wa. the effoct
of tho perusal?
Wife I wondered which wa. the
bigger fool you for writing them or I
for marrying you after receiving them.
ItOBlahted I'aopla.
"Some perple," said the talkative
bore, "are alway. making mistake.
Strange, ain't It?"
"Oh, not so trango," retorted Knox.
"Some poople, you know, have never
had the benefit of your advice." Phil
adelphia Pre.
Too Ilavp for Htm,
"If. certainly strange," remarked the
young man, a. the dear girl arose from
the piano.
"What's strange?" she queried.
"You were singing 'I Want to Re an
Angel,' " he replied, "and I can't un
derstand why you should want to be
what you alroady are."
I)ralo Mrturti,
Grace I bear Jack call at your
house almost every evening.
Lola Yea, and I havo tried every
pun I can think of to make hun stay
away, but lu vain.
Grace Why don't you sing for him?
Different Now.
Maynie Clura used to be passionate
ly fond of flowers before she married
old Gotrox, but she doesn't care for
them now.
Edyth She doesn't?
Mayine No ; shonow has an unsatis
fied longing for weeds.
Heavy Coallnaj.
"Russia I. a pretty hard country,"
remarked the man who had been read
ing all the atrocities committed In the
last year.
"No wonder," laughed the buffoon of
the back platform. "Wasn't It Japanned?"
Ia Harmony.
Gunner I met that swell Miss
Flasher and her swell French poodle
on the boulevard the other morning.
She gave me a haughty bow.
Guyer And what did the dog do?
Gunner Why, he gave me a haughty
"bow-wow."
THE MATRIMONIAL DIFFEEENCE.
A marrlud man.
a devoted husband.
I'napproclatlv.
Fond Mother We are undecided
now whether to have Dolly take les
sons In painting or In singing. Which
would you advise?
Bachelor Uncle Give her lesson. In
painting, by all means. It I. so much
less disturbing to the neighbor, So-
mcrvllle Journal.
Jnat Bo.
'Poverty," remarked the sarcastic
person, "isn't the beet thing In the
world to have." .
"No," rejoined the thoughtful think
er, "but, unlike wealth. It seldom make.
a fool of a man."
Fores-one Tonrlaaloa.
Mrs. Ash John has taken the great
est fancy lately to patting every baby
he sees on the street
Friend What office 1. he going to
run for? Detroit Free Press.
An leo-d Scream.
UuMt"i r.'A - -"ev
W hen Il la Noble.
Little Wllllt Say, pn, what la one
of nature', noblemen?
Pa A candidate for office Ju.t be
fore election day, my son.
Ia 19BO.
"I am thinking seriously of marry
ing," said Miss Strongnilnd, "and with
your permission I'll .yeak to your
father to-morrow."
"Hut." protested young Llghtwate,
"papa Is already married."
One Waa Raoaarn.
"May I kiss your he asked.
"Yes, on the forehead," she answer
ed. "Nothing doing," he rejoined. "The
last time I kissed a girl on the fore
bead I got a bang In the mouth."
an
Tbe average man I. at lean ten
mile behind bis daugh'rr. lu keeping
up with fad and fashions, but this
doesn't make him unhappy If hi. wife
I. tack there with him.
Where He Failed.
Mrs. Harper Your husband I.
txpert accountant, l.n't he?
Mrs. Adder He I. supposed to be,
but be failed to give a satisfactory ac
count of himself when he came home
at 2 o'clock the other morning. N
I. O. V.
Downing What have you named
the new arrival?
t" peon Ira Ormand Upson.
Downing Judging from tbe Initials
he most be a child of promise
Teniae; Famllr Seereta.
Slide We gave our parrot away th.
other day. He hated awfully to go.
Kelly He got even with you, though.
Slide How's that?
Kolly lie, been giving you away
ever .lnce. Detroit Free Press.
Jolt Poaalble.
Muggins I wouder why artlrta al
way. sign their pictures?
Bugglns So the purchaser, won't
hang them wrong side up, I Imagine.
Ahead of the Game.
"There I. a far-away look In your
eyes," said the sentimental youth, "that
lead me to believe you have loved and
lost"
"I may have loved," rejoined the fair
grass widow, "but I didn't lose. The
Jury awarded nie $50,000 alimony."
Illda't Tare for Espeaeee.
"I can give you a bed and bath for
IS cents." said the lodging house clerk.
"Do price ain't no oblect"
the husky hobo who had found a two
dollar bill. "Jlst glmm a hl i.i.,
do bath an' I'll pay de difference."
How She Trapped Him.
She (setting the traDi T h.,,
terdny that you are to be m.M i
the spring.
He (walking Into it) Heln m
make the report true, won't you, dear?
Proof at Haad.
Myer Age doesn't alwava
- . wis
dom, j
Oyer That', no r!ie dreom a
63 year, of age living next door to me
wa. married yesterday.
All la the Family.
He Did I understa id von tn .- -
that you and Mis. PInklelgU are close
ly reiotou?
She Yes. We are sister, to tha
same young man.
Cat Unnrds Thla Baby.
A baby that Uvea in at nllnltf faMa,
ment In the north end ha. a cat for a
owygnard to keep the rat. 'from at
tacking It The cat Is tle.1 t . .t
Post, says the Kanna. City Star.
'w any. ago," said E. T. Rrlg.
ham. of the Helping Hand Institute,
"I visited a small
one of thoso 'dumps' where 'da bonan'
on in front, and where a living
room Is maintained In the rear. On
the floor In the living room lay a baby
i ic.eiea to a bedpost by a
long stout cord waa a cat I .wt
tbe woman who tied It there.
-'Sura.' she said. 'I tie., a.
Keep offa da rat'
"A. we st)d there we rotild .-
rat squealing and rustllne ah,...
the flooring. Occasionally one .tuck
neaa up inrough a hole. The cat
would prick up Its ear. and th- .
movement of the tip of lu tall told
that it wa. watching. Then I saw the
wia-jom or picketing It ao near
The woman told me that If th.
was n4 there the rata wnnM i
bold they would swarm over the baby