FOREST GROVE PRESS, EOREST GROVE, OREGON. THURSDAY, JULY 3, 1913.
HE WAS GERMAN
Hans, the Cobbler, the Name He
Answered To.
Short Items of Intereit Concerning people you
may be interested in.
Irvan Noble, o f the Grove,
visited at the Roe farm at
Wapato last week.
Orvil Hutchins, a clerk in
Russell’s Shoe Store, visited his
parents in Fir Grove Sunday.
Nevin McLain and son Cenith
have returned to their home in
this city after a three months
visit in Canada.
Justice Hay o f Kansas City
section was in Forest Grove this
week.
Ivan Noble left last week for
Portland to work for the North
West Trust Company.
Mrs. H. Sessman and nephew,
o f Vernonia are visiting with
relatives in the Grove this week.
Mrs. Rose Olmsted and child
ren returned home last week
from a two weeks visit in Port
land.
Elmer Hamilton o f Cansas city
was in tuwn Sunday.
Mrs. C. Hagele o f Idaho has
moved to this city to stay with
her sister—in —law Mrs. Rags
dale.
Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Good, Car
mel Good and wife and Mrs.
Ragsdale and daughter of this
city took an auto trip to Hillsboro
Sunday.
Miss Edna Blanke of this city
left for Timber last week to visit
her sister.
Miss Ruth Haines has returned
to this city after her visit at
Gearhart.
The Misses Grace Thomas and
Helen Boldrick o f this city visit
ed at Abraham’ s farm in Patton
Valley Sunday.
Miss Liola House left for Port
land Wednesday to attend the
State Christian Endeavor Con
vention.
Mrs. F. C. Taylor o f this city
was in Portland Friday attend
ing a Missionary Convention.
William Weitzel o f this city
visited at Portland Monday.
R. W. McNutt and wife of
Cornelius visited with C. S. Mc
Nutt and family o f this city Sat
urday.
Paul Baker and wife
of
Brownsville are visiting friends
in this city.
Miss Helen Bishop of this city
is visiting friends at Corvallis
this week.
Mr. and Mrs. W. A. Sargent
o f Gales City were in this city
last week.
D. D. Sage and family have
moved to the Hubbard farm near
Dilley.
Hon. Ira I'urdin and daughter,
o f Thatcher, were Grove visitors,
Tuesday.
Orval Hutchins, has bought
the Alexander property on Sec
ond Ave.
Thompson of this city was in
Portland this week visiting his
profiler Marion I hompson who
BREAKS
INTO
SOCIETY
f ou vhlll fflf a l*®tle party 1 ▼hill bring
* her oop und we shall haf more fun
----------- --
ash seven goats und a monkey. You
But Dinkm an’* Phono0raph Ruins His can Inwlte ten peoples, und dot vhlU be
Reputation st Home and Abroad, «odety. Go und speak to your w ife
’
Uk:!Mi!!ti!i!>l!)!i!l!.,i!!lltl; llili!!lllll!Jln:!,'!liliil!! lilHlll!llltll:Ulllllll!!!<!i IlllUIUdlliiUllUiliilllUil
Special Rates
Via
Oregon Electric Railway
John C. Wilson, o f Fir Holm
was a business visitor to this city
Reduced Trip Rates to A ll Points
Then H ans Shows How Thoy Troat >boudt her ”
Tuesday.
“Shokers“ In tho Fatherland.
|
Mr- Dinkman Speaks.
Byron Smith, was a visitor to
I talk mlt my w ife for half an hour,
Fourth of July
B y M. Q U A D .
und she says It vhas all righ t A fter
the metropolis, the last day of
IC opyrlgbt, 1913, by A ssociated Literary washing and Ironing all day und mind
the week.
P ress)
ing der dog und der baby she likes so
Tickets on Sale July 2, 3, and 4th.
Final Return
O M ETIM ES I belief I vhas one ciety In der envenlngs. Dot pleases
Mark Cox, o f Gales Creek,
Mr.
Dinkman,
uud
Ice
cream
und
big
fool,
ebust
ash
my
w
ife
was a business visitor to this
Limit July 6th.
Minimum charge 50 cents.
shpeak a leetle politics, his w ife und
says.
city, Monday.
1 like to be a bit swagger, und phonograph, und I haf eight more
1.00
Forest G rove to Portland and Return
Ulla Hanna, was attending to so I haf some gas meters put Into my peoples. After we haf som e beer und g
tee cream und shpeak a leetle politics
business matters at the county cobbler shop to make him a swell Mr. Dinkman stands oop und says:
W o rld ’s Christian Citizenship Conference. Tickects on sale
place, uud she rhus In only six days
seat, Monday.
“ Ladles uud shentlemen, dis party
F inal return limit July 7.
June
3 0 to July 6.
▼ lien a man com es In uud looks at her vhas glfen by Hans und his w ife to be
Earl Batman, o f Gales Creek, mit a candle und says:
In society und haf more shoes to cob
was a Forest Grove visitor, Mon
“ Vbell. cobbler, 1 take feefty cent ble. She vhas a phonograph party,
Forest G rove to Salem and return
$ 2 .5 0
from you for gas."
day.
und vhen she vhas oafer Hans vhlll
Salem Cherry Fair. Tickers on sale July 2, 3, 4 and 5.
I paid him. und be goes avhay, but
Andrew Boos, o f Seghers, was In one week another man comes in surely be In der sw im ."
Final return limit July 7.
D ot makes me und my w ife und
greeting his friends here, Satur shust der same und says dot bill vhas eaferbody else feel good, und Mr.
45 cent und he must c o lle c t 1 paid Dinkman stands out som e more like a
day.
him. und he snys all right und goes leetle mans und snys:
For time of trains or other information ask any
Howard Lilly, o f Gales Creek, uvliay. hut la three days dot third man
"W e shall now listen to dot song o f
Oregon Electric Railway Agent or
traded with the local merchants, com es lu und says der gas bill vhas GO ‘Der Sweet By and By,’ nsh sung by
cent. 1 don't see bow she vhas, und my friend Hans a few dnys ago. I like
Monday.
I don't vbant to pay, but be points bis to haf eaferbody keep still und shed
J. E Pal mer,
W . C . Wilkes
Mrs. Vannoy o f Dilley, was finger at me uud yells out:
Ag<*nt Oregon Electric Railway,
A . G . F. F. and P. A .
some tears."
“ i f you don't pay, oudt comes dot
lie stands back, und der ma'cbino
B. H. Crozier
Forest Grove,
shoping in this city, Monday.
meter, uud I sue you nine tim es!"
goes off. und in ten seconds my hair
A . G . P. A .
Orego
Mr. Callahan, o f Gaston, was
Dot scares me. und I pay. but I go , tnlld„ w p
Dot w olce vh a i shu8t Ilke §
to
dot
little
tailor
und
tells
him
about
looking after business affairs in
my w olce, though It sings some songs
It it nil ask him how she vhas.
I neffer heard. It vhas all about how
this city, the first o f the week.
“ Huns, you vhas some chum ps!” he I met som e yoong womans by der
l.iiii!iiiiiiiii;iii!!iiiiiiiiiii:iiiii:'!!!iiiiiiii;!i!i!Hii!:iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.iìiiii<i:iiii:!!ii;!:::ii;iiiiiiii:ii!iiiiiii:iiiiiii!iiiiittiiiiiiHiiiiiiiii!
C. L. Perry, o f this city, who says. “ X opody com es for der gas bill i moonlight und der elder mill und how
but once a month. Dose chaps vhas my heart vhas breaking If she doan’t
was operated upon a couple of
j fly avhay mit me. Und vhen dot song
weeks ago in a Portland hospital
| ends opp It makes me say dot my old
SUMMERING AT
for appendicites was compelled
[ womans vhas crosseyed und redhead-
i ed und I like her to fall down a well.
to undergo another operation last
Eaferbody looks at me und can’t make
Friday. From latest reports he
! him o u d t und der old womans says
is now past the critical stage,
she will see me later about dot moon
light peesness.
and will doubtless soon be restor
W o r s t Y e t to C o m e .
ed to health.
“ Nature’s Playground” as (hsse beaches have been called,
I feel dot I like to be a t'ousand
Frank Johnson, o f the Watt
are
now open for summer victors.
New hotels, with all
| miles avhay und hit Dinkman mlt a
club.
But der baddest vhas still to
section, was a business visitor to
modern conveniences, cosy cottages, camping grounds and
come. Der machine winds oop by any-
this city, the first o f this week.
I Ing dot Sing Sing vhas my home, und
Nels Johnson, o f Spring Hill
dot I don't care for nobody nor not
tings so long ash I can get nil der
farm, was a Grove visitor, Tues
Leaving Portland daily......... .............................. 8:45 A. M.
whisky I like to drink. I vhns so mad
day. Mr. Johnson was at one
“ •
“ E .cep t Sunday...............1:20 P .M .
1 like to go oafer und kick It all to
time mayor o f this city, but
pieces, but my old friend Schmlt steps
oop to me und says:
has lived on his farm for the
5 Hours
"Ilan s. you vhlll sit dow n some more
past few years.
und keep a lectle still. If you vhns
Business men can leave Saturday afternoon and arrive at
some villains In disguise, und it seems
Mrs. McRobert, o f Gales Creek
beach points in time for dinner, spend the evening and
like you vhns. It vhns time der poobllc
Sunday with the family and return to Portland Sunday
was shopping at the F’orestGrove
knows about her. I haf known you
night without loss o f time from business.
stores, Monday.
feefteen years, und I belief you vhas
a
Rober.
hardworking
mans,
but
it
M. S. Allen has moved into his
ROUND TRIP FARES FROM PORTLAND
“ 1 HAK TO KICK YOU TEN TIMES."
seems I vhas deceived. I like to go out
new quarters in the I. 0 . 0 . F.
Season tickets on sale daily . . . $4.00
some sharpers, und you vhas swindled, und get a policemans und haf yoa
building on North First Avenue. hut If any more comes you shall give sent to shall!"
W eek End (for return Monday)
. $3.00
Und den Dinkman puts In nnd says
This new building is one o f the 'em der boot."
Corresponding
low
fare3
from
other
points.
Vliell, dot“ 'vhas all right, und I go he hears me shpeak a poem Into dot
handsor.est business blocks in
avhay und sat dow n lu my shop. No- | machine at 12 o’clock at night, vhen I
Call for our brand new folder “ Tillam ook County Beaches”
F'orest Grove, and Mr. Allen has i body com es for ten days, und den a should be borne und In bed mit my
an ideal location for his hard man walks in mlt a caudle und looks ' wife. Dot poem vhns called “ Bingen
Folders and full information from any S. P.
on der Rhine.” und he says I haf tears
Agent
or at
ware and implement business. ; dot meter In der eye und says:
"Cobbler. I haf to make dot bill for | In my eyes ash I speak him. lie likes
enferybody to listen vhlle dot machine
The new bungalows of Attor t.(HX) feet ills month."
City Ticket Office
"D ot vhas all K. O.," I says nsh 1 goes ahead. Maybe 1 vhas not sooch a
ney Graham and J. E. Loomis,
bad
mans
dot
I
cannot
be
reformed.
stands oop. “ und I haf to kick you ten
£0 Sixth Street, Cor. Oak
located on South Main street are times for a swindler."
F e lt L ik a F a in t in g .
nearing completion, and are orn-
Vhell,
dot
machine
goes
along,
und
1
*
JOHN M. SCOTT
A L a w y e r C o m e s.
General Passenger Agent
a nents to that part o f the city.
I g if him some boots, und he goes tell you I vhas like fainting avhay In
my chair, it vhns sooch awful lan
Portland, Oregon
Sam Short, o f upper Gales avhay, hut lu tw o hours a lawyer guage dot enferybody turns pale und
, comes uud says It shall cost me $10
|
stands
oop.
und
vhen
I
calls
out
to
stop
;
Creek section, was down in the for kicking der gas man. I send for
her Carl Schmlt stands oop und w afes
valley, Monday, trading with the i dot little tailor, und he comes un(j I his
bnnd to me und says:
] says;
Forest Grove merchants.
"Cobbler, 1 demand dot you keep
s
$
Tillamook County Beaches
Doi&la D a lly Train Service
Beaches Reached in
“ O f course.
Vhnt a fool you vhas!
quiet! Now dot 1 aee vhat a villains
you vhas, I vonder dot you don’t
cut your w ife's throat some night!
Keep it oop. Mr. Dinkman. Let us
know der worst about dis mans!”
Und Dinkman vhas so tickled dot
he can't stand still. Dot phonograph
makes me slug und sw ear some more,
uud It makes fun at all my friends
und says 1 shall run avhay from my
w ife next week. It sings und swears
uud whoops uud yells, und by und by
It calls out to all der peoplea In a loud
voice:
“ Hello, you crow d o f Dutch dufTers!
only some cabbage head. I goes by How you vhas? I like to see how you
dot little tailor und tell him, und be you would all look In som e dime mu
seums!”
say»:
Mit dot eaferbody shumps oop to
‘ Vhell, I neffer see sooch hayseeds.
Can’ t you tell some swindlers vhen go avhay, und my old womans falls
you see him? If somelxjdy else comes dn" * ' und wants to die right off. My
mlt a package you shall gif him der frt,’ uds Dinkman like to go avhay mlt
grand bounce.”
der rest, but I catch him by der neck
I goes home und puts on some In ! ,,nd Hn7 ‘-
“ My friend, I vhlll now speak some
wtslhle patches, und In four days n
man comes In ag'ln mlt a package nnd more Into dot phonograph. She vhas
a wonderful machine.
Y’ ou vhas a
a tmok.
"V here vhns dot Hans, der cobbler?" shoker. und dot machine vhas a shok-
er. Ha. ha!"
"R ight here." says I.
Rsbukos the Joker.
"Vhell. you sign dis book und g if me
50 cents for a package from Boston.”
“ H ow you mean?" says Dinkman.
“ You vhas a wlllaln," 1 says, "und
"I meant dot I vhas som e shoker,
I shall g if you some grand bounce to too. und 1 now g if yon anodder song.
■1o you good.”
She vhns called ’ How Dinkman Goes
Outdoors.' und I show you how she
M a k e s A n o th e r M ista ke .
I hit dot man on der chin nnd pull works."
his hair und boot him. nnd be don’t j Und I take dot shoker by der neck
light linck. In one hour 1 know he again und slam him around und bang
vita» all right, nnd dot package vhas him oop till he yells for mercy nnd
sole leather, und If 1 don't gif him says he vhns sorry und vhlll neffer be
sefen dollar I vhns In state prison for j tunny again.
life
Vhen 1 see dot little tailor I
,Ie ,e,la * M der peoples dot It vhas
blows him oop. hut be laughs und onlT 8ome shokes, but nobody believes
says:
him. nnd dot my w ife vhas fainting
" i f you can't tell soniepody from "vh ay almost all der tlmei It vhas aw-
somepody you hnd better hang your
tul bad for me. I doan’t get Into some
»elf!”
society, und I doan't haf som e shoes to
Miss Groce
Roswurm, of Vim don't do nottings to some swln-
! dlers. but vlieu der honest man comes
Council Grove, Kansas, is visit you kick him. You vhas a lucky man
ing at the home o f her uncle, to get out o f It for $10."
Some other day a man comes Into
Walter Roswurm, in this city,
my shop mlt a package und a book.
and will remain during the sum 1 nnd he calls oudt:
mer. Mr. and Mrs. Iiooswurm
"V has dis Flans, der German cob
have taken the young lady for bler?”
“ She vhas,” I says.
several trips around through
“ All right. Sign ills book nnd glr
Washington county, and she is me 70 cents for a package from Chi
charmed with our pine clad hills cago by express.”
lie gets his money und goes avay,
and verdant valleys.
uud vben 1 open dot package she vhas
Mr. and Mrs. Sam Wiest and a
party o f friends, o f Portland,
motored out Sunday and spent
the day with Mrs. Wiest’s sister,
Mrs. L. M. Sparks.
H. G. Johnson and family o f
...
_
A ,
,
_
.
Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Adams,
the Grove were to Vancouver Qf
Vancouver,
Washington,
over Sunday visiting h.s brother. motored out to this cityi Sunday>
YV. McEldowny has dug out his for a ahort call. Mr. Adams was
poplar tree in order to build.
at one tjme engaged in the rmr-
Miss Bernice Via o f Buxton is cantile business in this city. He
visiting her grandmother Mrs. I js now president o f a bank at
Via, in this city.
Vancouver.
Charles Kelly and family have Miss Marie Staehr, o f Portland,
moved into the ( ipe house on Spent Sunday with her parents.
Second Ave.
Mr. and Mrs. K. N. Staehr, in
Miss Mabel Patton is visiting this city,
at the H. De Boest home at
„ „
Jam f, Teecanlo„ a„ d
urn'
^
Mrs. Amos Mead, of Green
Mountain, was a guest the past
week o f the Roswurm and Van-
Antwerp families in this city.
HE
“B ut how can I he society7" I says.
“ Shout ash easy ash grease. Do you
know vbat some phonographs vhas 7”
“ Seems to me I bear aboml her, but
I dunno. Does she Hafe 10 per cent In
fuel?”
“ No, no. She vhas som e machine
like a Corn shelter. You shpeak In der
hopper, und your wolce com es back to
you. I haf one at my house, und If
son, Charles, o f Yamhill county,
^ave been visiting Mrs. Tee-
jfnrden’s parents, Mr. and Mrr.
u arry Nauffts, in this city, the
|)ast fortnight.
Professor J. M. Garrison,
Hogue Sexton, who has been
keeper o f the capitol grounds at wor|tjnff the past few months
Salem, was visiting friends in ¡n the Independance county,
this city the last o f the week. came Saturday to visit his par-
» William VVevton, o f Portland, ents. Mr. and Mrs. Al Sexton, in
this city.
was in this city over Sunday.
Den my old frendt Dlnkmsn com e to
say to me:
"Hans. 1 tell yon vhat vhas der mat
ter. You don’t make society enough
Society means peesness. I>er more so
rlety der more peesnees. i f y0n enter-
tain society In der envenlncs society
brings you shoes to mend by d a y lig h t” I
® end next d*-T- und Carl Sfhm lt •*YS
I l«>se my reputation nnd brings up In j
Pr**0" foe der rest o f my days.
j
”
Puisfing Answer,
“ Have yon sold all those stockings?"
“ No; I have them still on my hands." j
—U pplncott'a Magazine.
Great Red Plague
Help Fight the
Citizens o f the state are urged to inform themselves regarding this
plague which is causing great suffering among boys and young men and
especially among the innocent girl? and women o f the state. Parents are
urged to protect their children, and provide clean, wholesome information
in place o f the unclean misinformation they cannot now help getting.
Such instruction will be found in the following
Free Circulars
For Young Men
Circular No. 2 — The Four Sex Lies.
Circular No. 9 — Sex Truths for Men.
For Older Boys (13 to 18 yrs. of age)
Circular No. 8 — Virility and Physical Development.
For Younger Boys (10 to 13 yrs. o f age)
Circular No. 7 — The Secret o f Strength.
For Girls
Circular No. 4 — A Plain Talk with Girls about their Health.
For Young Women
Circular No. 1 0 — Physical Development, Marriage
and Motherhood.
For Parents
Circular No.
Circular No.
Circular No.
Circular No.
1 — The Need for Education in Sexual Hygiene.
3 — When and How to Tell the Children.
5 — A List o f Books for Use in the Family on Sex.
1 8 - How One Boy Was Instructed in Sex Matters and
What Happened.
Illustrated.
Send 2-cent stamp with your address to
Department D
The Oregon State Board of Health
720 Selling Building, Portland, Oregon
A p plicant* are k in d ly asked to select o n ly th ose circ u la r s fo r which they have a
defin ite use. T hese w ill be » la d ly sent.
Contractor
House Moving
and Repairing.
E. A. DIXON
We have the best equipped
outfit in the county.
Pitone 876
Foresi Grove, Ore.
Brick. Sloe* and Concrete Work
Let us figure on your work.
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