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About Washington County news. (Forest Grove, Washington County, Or.) 1903-1911 | View Entire Issue (July 13, 1905)
OLD PEOPLE VEH RAN MILWAUKEE ED IIO R DEAD. Their Pains and Ailments A n y taint e* the blood quickly shows itself with old people, and troubles, which a younger, more vigorous con stitution holds in check, take possession of those of ad Such a Mistake!— Physician— You« vanced years. A mole, wart or pimple often begins to in ailment Ilea in the larynx, thorax and flame and fester, terminating in a sore that refuses to heal. Wandering _________ paint ____ epiglottis. Hooligan— Indade! An' o f a rheumatic character are almost constant, the joints get stiff and the muli^ me afther thlukin’ th' trouble was In d es sore, while sleeplessness and nervousness make life a burden. The nat me throat ural activity of the body is not Long Distance Appreciation.— Mrs. so great in old age and all the , 1 s •?**** ,attack,of L * Grippe, which left me j„ n A ...___ j.v almost a physical wreck. To add to my wretched g s get dull and sluggish, condition, Rheumatism developed. In a short failing to carry out the waste time after beginning S. S. S. I was relieved of the matters and poisons accumu- pains and have gained in flesh and strength and lating in the system and they mT general health is betterthan for years. I heart- are taken up and absorbed by uy r«commend S. S. a for all blood diseases, the blood, rendering it weak Dnlon' & C’ B- F' g * * go * v . and unable to properly nourish the system. There is no reason why old age should not be as healthy as youth if the blood is kept pure and strong. S. S. S. ‘ s purely vegetable and is the safest and best blood re * purifier and tonic for old people, because it is gentle, but at the same tim e thorough in its action, purify* ing the blood of all poisons and foreign matter, strengthening it and toning up the entire system by Its fine tonic effect. A lm ost from the first dose the appetite increases, tho general health begins to im prove and the pains and ailments pass away, tV : l THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., ATLANTA, CA. item o f All i'lay*. I do not care for problem plays; give me the kind of play In which the girl is just as pure as are the flowers in May; The play in which in time of need the hero’s right on deck, And where the scheming villain gets it alwaya in the neck. W asn't A s h a m e d . She was a member of a North Side church, and she was trying to impress the fact upon the mind of the friend who rode out with her on a late ele vated train the other night. “ I ’m as good a church member as any one, and I don't care who know* it,” she said in the course of her talk. "W ell. It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” said the friend. “ I was also one* a church member, and I never was ashamed to own up to It.” “ Ashamed! Who says I am asham ed?” shouted the first woman, until every one In the car turned to look. "Ashamed ? Well, now, I rather guess not. I'm a good church member, and who dares say I am ashamed o f It? The person who told you I am ashamed o f It is a liar. There!” “ Why, no one told me you were ashamed o f it,” said the friend. “ Well, then, why are you saying It?” “ I didn’t say It.” “ You did!” “ Well, then, I suppose I did.” “ Well, I ’m not ashamed. I ’ll give you to understand that, and you can put It In your last summer's bonnet that I am not.” And then as the train stopped she added: “ Good-by, dear. I get off here.” Jordan— Did you ever bear my daugh ter ting, Mr. Johnson? Mr. Johnson— Oh, yes; I only live five blocks from your house, you know. Baby, the Biggest.— Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and Baby Bigger, which of this interesting family Is the big gest And why the biggest? A n s w e r- Baby Bigger, because he Is a little Bigger. Excused.— I say. If you are so aw fully smart at problems, tell me how far off thunder Is when you hear the lirst roll. Calculator— I can't do that, sir. Crawfoot— You can’t? Calculat or— No; I ’m the lightning calculator. A Puu?— A man driving lu the coun try lost a nut off his wagon wheel. Meeting an Italian, he asked if he had a monkey wrench. The indignant Italian wratlifully replied, “ Me no keep a monkey ranch; me keep u sheep ranch.” Convincing.— “ Certainly, I am sure It’s a counterfeit note,” said the re ceiving teller. " I t has one very notice able flaw; It’s In the paper.” “ But, my dear man,” protested the depositor, "In these days you can’t bellsve every thing you see In the paper.” A H in t— Mr. Hlghllve (looking up from the paper)— Well, well! Won ders will never cease! They’ve got so now that they can photograph In col ors. Mrs. Hlghllve (glancing at his nose)— I think, my dear, you'd better get your picture takeu before the old process Is abandoned. Exemplary Punishment.— A mother brought her little son for his first time to school, and said to the teacher; “ This boy o' mine Is very delicate, as he Is afther a fit of harmonia on the loongs; but If he does anything bould, an’ I know he will, bate the wan next to him, an' ’tw ill frighten him.” H e Won Easily.— Mr. Subbubs—• You know you’re only talking non sense. What do you want a couple of new gowns for? Mrs. Subbubs— Why, Mrs. Playne has got a dozen gowns, all of them much handsomer thau the two or three that I ’ve got. Mr. Sub bubs— Yes, I know. But a homely woman like that needs rich attire in order to attract attention. Seizing the Opportunity.— “ Always,” advisee the pompous person who has accumulated several millions, “ always say, ‘I will.’ Never allow yourself to be dismayed by the outlook! Over come the outlook! That's the way to succeed.“ “ One, then,” comments the poor person to whom he addresses this homily, “ should always say, ‘I will’ ?” "Yea, sir.” “ And you always say It?” “ I do.” “ W ill you lend me hnlf a million to get my airship In running order?” Proved Hls Teacher Wrong.— Little W illie’s father found hls youthful son bolding up one of hls rabbits by the ears and saying to him: “ How much Is seven times seven, now? Bah,” the father heard the boy say, " I knew you couldn't. Here's another one: Six times six is how much?” "W hy, Wil lie, what In the world are you doing with your rabbit?” nsked the father. W illie threw the rabbit down with disgust. “ I knew our tencher was wrong,” was all he said. “ Why, how?” asked hls father. “ Why, she told us this morning that rabbits were the greatest multipliers In the world. William E. Cramer, aged 88, editor In chief of the Evening Wisconsin of Milwaukee, died recently o f pneumo nia. Mr. Cramer had been for over half a century one o f the leading fig ures In the affairs o f Wisconsin. He had been in the editorial harness con stantly from 1847, when he went to Milwaukee, until hls death, although for over forty years he was almost blind. Mr. Cramer was the last o f the old- line editors. For fifty-seven years he directed the policy of the Wisconsin, going to the office every day. Though sadly handicapped by blindness and defective hearing, he kept closely In touch with the events o f the day. and up to the last not only took an active part In the publication of his paper, but few issues went to press without Tm Growing O ld F a st And you know why, too. It’s those gray hairs! Don’t you know that Ayer’s Hair Vigor restores color to gray hair? Well, it does. And it never fajls, either. It stops falling hair also, and keeps the scalp clean and healthy. Do not grow old too fasti ** I hare used Ayer’s Hair Vigor for many snd I should indeed be sorry to be ob- J eers Iged to do wlthoet It. It keeps my hair from turning grey, and »Iso keeps my scalp clean and healthy.’*— £. 8 . 1‘ k n v ik l d , Canyon City, Oregon. A i/ers Made by J. C. Ayer Co., Low ell, A ir so -------- ~ ' uanuikoturere of y W a sted SARSAPARILLA. PILLS. CHERRY PECTORAL. E n ergy. N o t th e K in d . “ I had an uncle uie up In Vermont Inst week,” said the Boston man, "and, though there Is nothing so very queer about an uncle dying, this relative of mine didn’t have a fair show.” "A s how?” was asked. “ Well, when he was 20 years old a tin peddler advised hi in to always car ry snuff around in his pocket to throw Into a mad dog’s eyes. In case he met one. He carried that snuff for forty years and never used I t ” "W ell?” "One day, after he had carried It for thirty years, he was crossing a field and an old bull got after him and gave him a toss. When he came limp ing Into the house and told us about It I said: “ ’Why didn’ t you throw snuff In hi» eyes. Uncle Jerry?’ “ ‘Why, that peddler told me to use the snuff on dogs, and that If ever a bull got after me I was to use ground cinnamon. I hadn’t any of the blamed •tuff with me!’ ” HI* Prefw onc©. W ife— Which of these photographs of mamma do you like best, dear? Husband— Let me see. Why— er— I think I prefer this small one. Wife— Do you think it is a better like ness V Husband— Oh, no; bnt It shows her dressed in a traveling costume. Sometimes head and heels work well j together, but it was not ao In a case Each Day’s Supreme Event. | reported In the Yonkers Statesman. Every day’s work should be a so. Cam, a colored man, was an hour late, and bis employer asked him to ex preme event In every life. We should come to It ns carefully prepared as the plain. “ Yes, sah, I ’ll explain, tah,” Sam re prlmn donna who U trying to hold th» f love to hear the girl refuse the villain's world's supremacy In song comes be plied. gold te take, fore her audience. Then our work “ Well, what excuse have you?” And eay that raga are royal dude would breathe out tho vigor and vi ” 1 was kicked by a mule on my way when worn for virtue’s sake; tality and freshness which we put Into here, sah.” W IL L IA M E. CRAMER. I lore to see her beaux decline to heed “ That ought not to have detained It. Then life would be glorified, and the rich man’s beck, something on the editorial page from you an hour, Sam, If you were able to the work of the world lllumlnnted, And swat the villain with a club athwart transformed.— O. 8. Mardeu In “ Suc hls pen. hia ugly neck. come at all.” cess Magazine.” Mr. Cramer was a lawyer by pro “ Well, it wouldn’t have If he’d only 0 not for me the Gallic farce, the Ibsen fession, but hls leaning toward news kicked me In dls direction. You see, fol-de-rol. Malli Makaroff, only daughter of the paper work led him to become a writer boss, he Wicked me de other way.” Where man is but a jackanapes and Russian admiral, who was drowned by woman is a doll; on the Albany Argus, where he was on the sinking of the warship Petropavlovsk, I ’ll take the sturdy plot In which the Cannot Reduce a Rate. Intimate terms with Martin Van Bu- has been chosen maid of honor to th* villain tries to wreck ren, Horatio Seymour and other Dem It is stated in Washington, that un Czarina and to the dowager empress of The hero’s life, and in the end just gets ocratic leaders, State and national. In der the Townsend rate bill, if a rate is Russia. Her mother, a woman of Polish it in the neck. 1847 he went to Milwaukee on the In fixed by the commission it cannot be origin, ia a profound linguist and accom —Louisville Courier-Journal. vitation of prominent Democrats and lowered by a railroad. Should an em er-, plished musician. She has dabbled ill oc purchased the Courier, the name of gency arise calling for a decreased rate, j cultism and his written books and plays. T h o s e L o v i n g G ir ls which was soon after changed to the the railroads or shippers would have to At present she is engaged upon a biog Miss Elderleigh— You may not believe raphy of her husband. It, but I refused offers from three dif Evening Wisconsin. The paper was appeal again to the commission, there j ferent men last month. being no latitude allowed,'whatever the Democratic, but when the Civil War Miss Youngbud— Oh, I don't doubt it broke out Mr. Cramer became a war circumstances. Hitherto a maximum But what were they selling? Democrat and enthusiastically support rate has been the rule, but no such her First Class H ot“ l an I Room A corn - ed the Union cause. Since then the pa concession is made under the proposed iTMMlati IN PORTLAND du rin g thu Plso s Cure fs a remedy for coughs, colds legislation. EXPOSITION apply a: once and i-emt per has been Republican In politics. And consumption. Try it. Trice 25 cents, your reservation lee of f ’ 2 . 00 , to apply At druggists. In 1809 Mr. Cramer married Miss on rent of vour n om. Rooms lu all Method In Hia Madness. t Hrts of the city. .r*oc to $ • o pnr tiny. Harriet L. Barker, who survives him. T h e P o l i t e E d it o r . Candles— I was reading in the paper R f SERVE YOUR ROOMS WITHOUT DL- While visiting Europe Mr. and Mrs. this morning of a man who sleeps in the Frobably the youngest general in the LAY AND GET YOUR CHOICE. W rite tor Caller— I have a little poem which----- lull iutom iHtion to Departm ent 1, Cramer were beleaguered In Paris at stable with his horse every night. Editor (busily)— That gentleman ever world is a nephew of the late Shah of eXPOSITION ACCOMMODATION BUREAU Persia, a boy not yet 14 years old. He the time o f the siege during the there, sir. Mrs. Candles— What’s the matter with The Only Official Bureau of the Lewis & Clark Fair Caller (genially)— Is he the literary holds the rank of full general in the Per Franco-Prusslon war, and went him— is he crazy? Goodnough Building, Portland, Oregon sian army. critic? Caudles— No, I guess not. A horse through the scenes o f the commune. Editor (politely)— No; he's the boun can’t talk, you know. Mothers w ill find Mrs. W inslow’ s Soothing cer. HAS TRAVELED 2,421,600 M ILE8. Syrup the best rem edy to use for their ch ildren — S w a p p i n g C om pi i m en ts. d u rin g the teething period. W h y T h e y C fim o L a t e . G r e a t D is ta n c e C o v e re d b y a B u rg e o n “ I have just invented a new sau Husband (in hat and overcoat)— Good on T r a n s -A t la n t ic L in e r s , C r it ic is m . sage,” said the butcher, handing some gracious! Haven’t you got your coat on Dr. J. Foumess Brice, surgeon on to the poet for 1:1m to try. Joe— What do you think of Miss Gob- yet? one o f the great trans-Atlantic liners, "A h !” exclaimed he, "it Is a poem! W ife— It’s all fixed except tucking in bleton? Fine intellect, eh? Fred— Yes; but her intellect isn’t in it has crossed the ocean probably more By the way, have you read my latest my dress sleeves so they won't get muss with her conversational abilities. times than any oth poem ?" ed. I'll be ready in half an hour. er man living. He “ Indeed, yes,” replied the butcher One Good Feature. r i T Q Permanently Cured. N o fits or nervousness has lived on ocean with a light o f appreciation In his Jimson— I f there’s one tiling I dislike M i d a fter first day’ s use o f D r.K lin e’s Great N e rve Restorer. Rend for F r e e f t 2 trial bottle and treatise. more than another it's a shallow man. l i n e r s for over eyes; "It is n sausage.” — Houston Her I>r. K. U . Kline, Ltd., 931 A rob St., Philadelphia, Pa. Samson— Yes, but there's one thing in fifty y e a r s and ald. his favor. though be Is now N o T im o L e ft . Electric lig h ted room*. Baths and m odern conveniences. Room s 50c, f l and $1.50 per day Jimson— I ’d like to know what it is. “ Winter wheat looking well?” he 79 years old he A new, permanent hotel, directly opposite Samson— A shallow man doesn’t re asked of a street car passenger who m ain entrance to Fair. A ll streetcars for Fair hopes to m a k e His Health W as Wrecked quire as much watching as a deep one. land you at Hotel door. looked like a farmer. many more trips. Pe-ru-na Gave Mew Life “ Dunno,” was the brief reply. He has crossed the To Break In New Shoes. “ Good deal of snow out in the coun Atlantic 835 times, Always shake in Allen's Foot-Ease, a powder. It cures hot, sweating, aching, swollen feet. try?” or a total of some Cures corns. In grow in g nail* and bunion« At “ Mebbe.” 2,421,500 miles. all druggists and shoe stores, 2fic. Pon't accept DR. J. F. BRICE. any substitute Sample m ailed FREE. Address ‘T ric e of hay gone up any?” It Is quite prob- A llen 3. Olmsted, lx 1 Roy, N. Y. Wcidarful Hcn.a “ Can't say.” able that he has exceeded this by “ But ' aren’t you a farmer, my many thousands of miles, for In hls Treatment Banin Old Plaint. friend?” fifty years on the Atlantic the steam This wonderful Chi The Lady— It seems to me these ber nese doctor 1* calhd “ Yes, I'm a farmer; but this winter ers on which he sailed were not con great because he cures ries are rather small. people without opera I ’ve been courtin’ a wldder woman fined to any particular route. The The Peddler— I'm sure they have got tion that are given up wuth $8,000 and I haven't had any their full growth, ma’am. greater part of the time he sailed be to die. l i e cures with those wonderful Chi time to fool around with snow or hay tween New York and Liverpool, and The Lady— Possibly; but I ’m quits nese herb*, roots, buds, barks and vegetables or anything else.” — Chicago News. sure your quart boxes haven't got theirs. the routes between these points vary that are en tirely un from 2,000 to 3,000 miles or more. The. known to medical ecl- •nco In this coiintiy. Through the use of those H O M E O F M ACBETH U NCH ANG ED listance between Boston and Liverpool harmless remedies this famous doctor knows the action o f over 500 different remedies which Is not as great, but there are times C a w d o r C a s tle S t i ll M o c k s tile Tooth he successfully uses in different diseases. He when those steamers take routes long guaraiit'o-H torur«'t iriarth, M thm a. I King, throat, o f D e v o u r i n g T im e , rheumatism, nervousness, stomach, liver, kid Hamlet’s castle at Elsinore, which er than those sailing from New York. neys, etc.; has hundreds o f testimonials. Charge* moderate. Call and see him. Patients still remains precisely as In his day, is So that In the case of a man who has out o f the city w rite for blunks ami clreuiar*. Rend stamp. C O N S U L T A T IO N K K K E . not the only habitat which still mocks sailed the Atlantic for more than fifty ADDKKH8 the tooth o f cormorant devouring time. years, and crossed It 835 times, a few The G. Gee Wo Chinese Medicine Co. The castle of Macbeth, thane of Glamls thousand miles does not cut so much 251^-253 ALDER ST., PORTLAND, OREGON and o f Cawdor— Cawdor castle— built of a figure. g s T Mention paper Making the most conservative esti In the year 1448, also still stands Just outside o f the village still called “ Caw mate, Dr. Brice has sailed enough dor,” at Inverness, In Scotland, says miles to take him around the earth HON. JOHN TIGHE T h e K in .I Y o u H a v e A lw a y s Itn u irlit lias b o rn e th e signa Shakspeareana, and If It does not hap about ninety seven times. The longest tu re o f Chas. I I . F le tc h e r , a n d has b een m a d e u n d e r his Assemblyman Tithe’s teller should he distance around Is at the equator, the pen to rain when the tonrist ap person al su pervision fo r o v e r HO yea rs. A llo w n o one proaches It (and It sometimes does not , circumference o f the earth at this reuu i>t every Lrui.t w o ik er ad d ing a s tre i. t o d ec e iv e you in this. C o u n terfeits, Im ita tio n s an d uous life. rain In Scotland) he will exclaim ns Iioint being about 24,899 miles. As “ J n st-a s-go o.l ” a re b u t E x p erim en ts, and en d a n g er th o lion. John Tighe, No. 98 Kemsen 8t., suming that on each of his trips across h ea lth o f C h ild ren —E x p e rie n c e a g a in s t E x p e rim e n t. Duncan did, “ this castle hath a pleas- : Cohoes, N. Y ., Mcmlier of Assembly the Atlantic I)r. Brice traveled 2,!»oo ant seat, the air nlmoly ami sweetly | from the Fourth district, Albany coun miles, he could have gone around the recommends Itself to our senses.” ty, N. Y., writes as follows: earth 97V 4 times. During Its many centuries 6f life, C astorin is a harm less su bstitu te fo r C astor O il, P a r e “ Penn a lias iny hearty indorsement Cawdor castle has accumulated many g o ric , D ro p s a n d S o o th in g Syrups. I t is P lea sa n t. I t as a rcstor. t vo tonic of superior merit. T h o C a s e o f ,ltin . contain s n e ith e r O piu m , M o rp h in e n o r o th e r N a rc o tic wings, “ outer walls” and new Inte Maw’s callin' from the milkhouse. At times when I have been completely substance. It s a g e is its g u a ra n tee. I t d e s tro y * W o r m s riors, and so the great hall where the broken down from excess of work, so Callin' stern: and allays F everish n ess. I t cu res D ia rrh o ea a n d W in d deed of dreadful note was first resolv "Jim, yer lazy good fer nuthin', that my faculties seemed actually at a C olic. I t re lie v e s T e e th in g 1 T ro u b les , cu res C on stipation ed may not be at present located (and, Come an' churn.” standstill, I’eruna has acted as a heal a n d F la tu len cy. I t assim ilates th e F o o d , regu la tes th e for once, tradition has not selected one ing restorer, starting the machinery of Stom ach and B o w e ls , p iv in ff h ea lth y a n d n a tu ra l sleep. o f them). But a chamber where the Paw's callin' from the cornpatch. T h e C h ild ren ’ s P a n a c e a —T h o M o th e r’ s F rie n d . mind and body afresh with new life Callin' loud: deed may have been done there Is In and energy. on o f the oldest parts of the old pile. “ James, yer hulkin’, stupid loafer, “ I recommend it to a man tired in Time yer plowed.” For several years this chamber has mind and twsly as a tonic superior to anything I know of and well worthy been tendered by the present thane of Nature’s callin' from the trout brook. serious consideration.” — J. Tighe. Cawdor—on o f the Campbell family Callin’ whish: Excess of work so common in our (the present owners of the property! as “ Son, yer poor tired, lazy feller, country causes impaired nerves, lead a bedroom for a night's lodging to any Come and fish.” ing to catarrh and catarrhal nervousness artist who will as quid pro quo paint — a disease that is responsible for half upon Its walls a picture o f some Inci Stranger, If we just swapped places, 2, .3, 5, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14. 16 and Pupt it clear. of all nervous troubles. dent of the tragedy according to Shak- 25-H orse P o w er. Satisfaction I Which of all the three a-cnllln’ ■> W + 0 Peruna cures this trouble because it »pea re. Would yon hear? guaranteed. Hundreds in use in j cures catarrh wherever located. That not many artists have cared — New York 8un. I f yon do not derive prompt and sat O regon , W ash ington and Idaho. for such a night’s lodging on any terms T M C C C N T A U M C O W W m T . T T M U R R A Y « T R C C T . N t W Y O R K C IT Y . isfactory results from the use of Peru A C a u tio u s Y o u th . Send fo r Catalogue. we are led to guess from the fact that A very small boy was trying to lead na, write at once to Dr. Hartman, giv only four pictures are on that cham bers walla. Lady Macbeth In her a big 8L Bernard np the road. “ What ing a full statement of your ca se , and nightrobe: Macbeth with the fatal dag- | are you going to do with the dog, my he w ill tie pleased to give you his valu able advice gratis. man?" Inquired a passer-by. PRUSSIAN LICE KILLER k i l l s ger drawn; the brlndle cat that mewed . little PO RTLA N D , O REG O N Address Dr. Hartman, President of ” 1— I'm going to see where— where thrice, and the owl, the fatal belman! | S eattle and Spokane, W ash. LICE The Hartman Hanitarium, Columbus, O. be wante to go. first,” was the breath- aa well as the three secret black anl kill the lice. N ever fail*. Sold by dealer*. 90 c and fi . o c per can. Boise, Idaho. leaa reply. midnight hags over the caldron! f lT A M E D O U T A L L TH E LIC E AN D M ITE S 1905 LEW IS & CLARK EXPOSITION OUTSIDE I N N rßr. C. Gee W o STOVER W hat is C A S TO R S A The Kind You Haïe Always Bought Bears the Signature of GASOLINE ENGINES In Use For Over 3 0 Years. Mitchell, Lewis & Slaver Co. on Poultry. ! Albert Block*r of t ;.snh*sscn. Minn., bought used It thorongh'v fhrtv time* «nti cleaned his do a m it i t e e « » - , B f o r v t if f in g . t b é poo I t r y n . i a lice a n n d d m lG e *f. s ui Pru«wi*n rlu m ia u l.i i,i(Y K i l W *IHl * >vin <>t pou ltry bon«e botiv> entir e n tire ly free from noultrr --- -lire vrith red Uwand mit««. s r « . . » c J U S T TH E T H IN C FO N L IC E ON H O C S. j H. W*Inne o f _ I h o v u . R**d * * - Adel ü«.. d v » IIW W lb ° f can.- *n Lice KL.er ta jnst the Oline *• r O H T L A M D I K K O C O - P o r t la n d . O r - O o __ m I When a couple geta married they Everything else In the house la more qnlet when there la Illness, bnt did ought to be prevented from having you ever notice the Impudence o f Use their plcturee taken with her hand on hls shoulder for one year. clock, which ticks all the louder? No. 2 4 -1 9 0 5 CIMES «N H K A U ( U I »A ID . P. N. U. ln timo. " ' nK^^rrtUng"to^MlYertlsen^Ie!»ael W m e n tio n th is p ap er. I (^oligli îijrruf. * (1***1. U m Hold by d-riggt*«. C O N S U M P T IO N