Image provided by: Hood River County Library District; Hood River, OR
About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (May 5, 1916)
U. S. Government Homesteads
COLVILLE, WASHINGTON, INDIAN RESERVATION. 1,000,000 ACRES
In the Famous Columbia River Basin and Okanogan Valley. Fruit,
Dairy, Farm and Timber Land. Map showing Roads, Lakes, Rivers,'
Creeks, Mountains, Indian Allotments and Mineral Land. Book of
Description, shows How to Locate anv Homestead of 160 Acres on
the Reservation WITHOUT THE EXPENSE OF A LOCATOR.
PRICE, POSTPAID, $1 00
OREGON HOMESEEKERS INFORMATION BUREAU,
504-5 McKay Building, PORTLAND, OREGON
NEW PERKINS HOTEL
Fifth tnd Waahington SU., Portland, Or.
The homelike stopping place
for those who appreciate the
dollar's full worth.
Room with Bath. . .
Room with Detached Bath
Breakfast and Luncheoa
PORTLAND Y. ML C. A.
will fit any ambitious young Man or Wom
an for high-cIasB position in
Bookkeeping. Stenography. Salesmanship
To men this IncludeB valuable athletic,
aquatic and membership grivilesreB. al
though tuition cost is less than elsewhere.
Valuable courses can also be' had in
Grammar grade and College Preparatory
Subjects. WHITE FOR CATALOG.
Business necessity every Mer
chant buys on sight. Big profits.
Exclusive territory. Free samples.
Sells from $5 to $100. Write quick
for territory. Sayers. 637 Railway
Exchange, Portland, Ore.
LADIES, THE PROBLEM IS SOLVED
Make your own HAIR TONICS and TOILET WATERS
with "Tonico Tablets," the Sensational Invention.
Send 20 cents for sample package; makes one
pint, which otherwise costs 50 cents to $1.50 (4 for
60 cents.) Money returned if not satisfied. Want
Exclusive Representative each county to manu
facture and sell. Big Profits. TONICO SALES
CO., Multnomah Station, Portland, Oregon.
DON'T EVER- FORGET
When you are dissatisfied with others, there
always remains the old reliable
Hazelwood Co., Portland, Or,
Make us your next shipment of Cream.
Eggs, Poultry and Dressed Meats.
Wo Can Satisfy You.
1 I A
Indian Curr dwellings
No Accounting For Jurist.
Many verdicts of a strange, curloug
and humorous nature find birth not in
frequently in coroner's juries and jur
ies in justice's courts.
Uncommonly intelligent are the cor
oner's juries in Mississippi. Twelve
men in Warren county, in that state,
returned a verdict several years ago
which read: "The deceased died by
the will of God or some other disease
unknown to the jury."
Another verdict, equally as solemn,
reads: "We are of A Pinion that the
Decest met with her death from Vio
lent Infirmation of the Arm, producest
from Unoan Cauz."
An old story, oft repeated, is that
an English jury in a criminal case
once brought in the following. "Guilty,
with some little doubt as to whether
he is the man."
Another is told of a Welsh jury,
which reads: "We find the man who
stole the mare not guilty." Docket.
HAWTHORNE AUTO SCHOOL
The only Automobile School on the Pa
cific Oast maintaining a Gas Tractor
Dept.. Using Holt Catterpillar, C. L. Best
Tracklayer and Wheel Tractors, both in the
school and operating field.
445 Hawthorne Ave., Portland, Ore.
Double Tread, Puncture Proof Tires
Made from your old ones. Last loniar
i as Bran New Tires. WE ALSO BUY
OLD TIRES. We pay as high as 10c
f per lb. for such as we can use in Double
Tread work, and the highest market
lor junk. Ship your Tires at once or write us.
OREGON VULCANIZING CO., 550 W Vngioa St. Pordud. Ore.
DAA1ra UVna Treatment and Prevention
HtC 0f Contajrious Abortion.
Treatment and Prevention of Calf Scours, Host
Sanitation. Poultry Diseases. Clip thiB ad and
mark an X in front of books wanted.
THEDA liUOS.. Dekum Bids., Portland, Oregon.
See our stock of FORD De
livery bodies. Shipped any
where. Ourown make. Guar
anteed. Write us. Carl Pe
terson, 121 Grand Avenue N.
East 1433. Portland, Ore.
Boucht, Sold, Rented and Repaired
WALKER ELECTRIC WORKS
Bumside, cor. 10th. Fortland, Ore.
HIDES, PELTS, CASGARA BARK
We want all you have. Write for prices and
hipping tags. THE H. T. NORTON CO.
" 53 North front St.. Portland, Ore.
Brown and Green were discussing
dogs, and Brown declared that any
body could take the fight out of a
savage dog by sitting down and star
ing straight at him.
"Yes," agreed Green, I once had
occasion to try it. The dog was com
ing at me as fast as he could, and all
that I could do was to sit down and
look him right in the eye."
"I am glad to hear you say that,"
was the rejoinder of Brown. "It is an
actual confirmation of what science
"True," answered Green, "but 1
should have added that when I sat
down I chose for a seat the top limb
of a ninety-foot tree."
His Golden Wedding.
Up and down the village street
walked old Tompkins, dressed all in
his Sunday best, and with a clean col
"Hello, old fellow!" a friend hailed
him. "Aien't you working today?"
"No," replied the old man proudly.
"I'm celebrating my golden wedding."
"Reallv? Then you've been mar
ried 50 years!"
"Yes, I have."
"Then Where's Mrs. Tompkins?
Isn't she celebrating, too?"
"The present Mrs. Tompkins," the
old man coldly rebuked the idle ques
tioner, "has nothing to do with it"
The Department of Farm Crops,
University of Idaho, has received dur
ing the snrine. shipments of seed from
the following foreign countries: Can
ada, Sweden, Denmark, Australia, and
Japan. The Bureau of Plant industry
of the U. S. Department of Agriculture
has also sent samples of clover and
other leguminous crops for the pur
pose of co-operative testing experi
ments. Vain Regrets:
"Never write letters, young man,
that you'll regret in afterlife."
"You speak as from experience?"
"I do. In early correspondence with
her who is now my wife I signed my
self 'Your obedient servant.' 'An
swers. Unobservlng Fate.
Full many a flower is born to blush
'And waste its Bweetness on the des
Or else to nod above the gasoline
Within the auto of some lady fair.
"She froze him with a glance."
The man read this aloud from a
"Try that on the ice cream, my
dear," he suggested. Louisville Courier-Journal.
"This is a toy tea set my little girl
got for Christmas. She likes to serve
make-believe tea and make-believe
sandwiches. A harmless fancy."
"Perfectly. I've been to grown-up
affairs where they did it" Louisville
You Can Get Rid of
That Itching Rash
There Is Immediate relief for skins
itching, burning and disfigured by ec
zema, ringworm, or similar torment
ing skin-trouble, in a warm bath with
Resinol Soap and a simple application
of Resinol Ointment. The soothing,
healing Resinol medication sinks right
into the skin, stops itching instantly,
and soon clears away all trace of erup-
tion, even in severe and stubborn
cases where other treatments have
had no effect. After that, the regular
use of Resinol Soap is usually enough
to keep the skin clear and healthy.
You need never hesitate to use Resi-
nol. It is a doctor's prescription that
has been used by other physicians for
years in the treatment of all sorts of
skin affections. It contains absolutely
nothing that could injure the tenderest
skin. Every druggist sells Resinol
Ointment and Resinol Soap. (Advt.)
Wife Cured by Lydia E.
"What zone is this v. 3 live in? You
may answer, James," said the teacher,
"Now, what is meant by a 'temper
"It's a place where it's freezing cold
in winter and red-hot In summer.
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
The Touch P-e-Emlnent
A cosy picture, eh? A man lolling
in an easy chair and his beautiful wife
leaning over him to light his cigar."
You haven t seen the companion
picture to it, have you?"
"It's the same man savagely chew
ing the end of his cigar and writing a
Des Moines, Iowa." Four years ago
I was very sick and my life wai nearly
spent. me aocwrs
stated that 1 wouia
never get well with
oat an operation
and that without it
I would not live one
year. My husband
objected to any
operation and got
me some ol Lydia
ble Compound I took
I t and commenced
to get better and am now well, am
tout unrl able to do my own housework.
I can recommend the Vegetable Com
A anv woman who ia iick and
run down as a wonderful strength and
health restorer. My husband says I
would have been in my grave ere this
if it had not been for your Vegetable
Compound." Mrs. Blanche .itrrt
80N, 703 Lyon St, Dei Moines, Iowa.
xt.tnr. uhmittine- to a surgical opera-
if wia to tnr to build np the
female system and cure IU derange
ment with Lydia E. Pinkham'i Vege
tahle Compound; It hat saved many
men from surgical operations.
wrtt to the LydU E. Pinkham
Medicine Co., Lynn, Mast., for
advice It Willi connaeniMu.
What Dreamt Are Made Of.
Dillydally (a chronic procrastlnator)
I dreamt last night that I er ah
proposed to you. I wonder what
that is a sign of?
Miss Lingerlong (desperately) It It
sign that you have got more sense
when you are asleep than when you
are awake. Tit-Bits.
about It Hanford't
MONG all the historic spots in
the Southwest none is quite so
thrilling and entrancing as that
along the old Santa Fe trail.
Among those towering granite hills,
buried in the silence of the Rockies,
are to be found the ruins of Spanish
palaces spacious and stately in their
day. Here lie the bones of daring
scouts like Kit Carson. Here lingering
tribes cling to pueblos and till the fer
tile valleys In the most primitive
fashion. Here live the cliff-dwellers
a remnant still wandering through
rough-hewn granite halls deserted by
their fathers in the long ago.
Pages might be filled with the
stories of the pioneers and frontiers
men of the miehtv Southwest. No
more picturesque character ever trav
ersed this wilderness than Augustlnl
anl the Hermit of Old Baldy.
John Mary Augustinianl was a her
mit because of pious inclination. A
nobleman by birth the product of
Italian aristocracy he was born of
the nobility in Sizzarlo, Lombardy,
Italy, in 1801. Under the impulse of
religious zeal, he turned his back upon
all tho wealth and luxury of his Ital
ian home, only to become a wanderer
in strange and distant lands. Of this
there Is a legend, common in some
fashion to the beginning of every re
former's life. One day he was strolling
in the garden of the estate. Suddenly
he saw an apparition the finger of the
Vlrein pointing toward regions far
away. He must therefore lead a soli
tary life in life far from his native
home. No cave-dweller in the Orient
ever more certainly followed the path
After three years of earnest medita
tion, and at the age of twenty, with
only staff in hand, he set out on foot to
Rome. Seven long years he dwelt m
the caves of Italy, and for five more
years he wandered on foot all over Eu
rope. About this time Ms tnougnt
turned toward a new continent, and he
landed on the shores of Venezuela.
Here, still afoot, he traversed the Bra
zilian, Chilean and Argentine coun
tries. He then sought out his abode
near the dangerous Orizaba volcano in
Old Mexico. In all these wanderings
he became famous as a doctor and a
priest among the wildest Indian tribes.
Banished to Cuba.
While doing his priestly work
around the city of Orizaba, he was ar
rested by the. civil authorities. A
charge was trumped up against him
and conviction followed. He was ban
ished to the Island of Cuba. From
these shores he set sail for New York.
He reached St. Louis In the opening of
the sixties. These were the opening
days when the intrepid pioneer blazed
out the Santa Fe trail. Augustinianl
began to dream of priesthood among
the Indians in the distant West
He walked to Kansas City and on to
Westport. By invitation of Gonzales,
a wagon-train king of the historic trail,
he found his way to Las Vegas, N. M,
On reaching Las Vegas, he found a
cave-home In Kearney's Gap, west of
town. The people thought him super
human, but their coming broke the
auletude he so much longed for. With
only his bag of meal, his books and hi
staff, he began his long journey toward
the Owl mountains. There Is a well-
worn path on the very summit of. Old
Baldy about which there gathers a le
gend of the hermit priest From
breast to breast the story nas passed,
and to this day they tay this It the
path of the pious patriarch at he
walked to and fro in hit devout medi
tations. Amidst the snowt of thlt Im
mense altitude Augustinlana lived In
pious solitude until the last tragic hour
of his life In tho summer of 1867.
About the base'of this famous peak
lay the trading station of the Santa Fe
trail. Old Baldy overlooked the vast
outstretching leagues of the Baublen
Maxwell land grant, equal to three
states the size of Rhode Island. In the
very shadow of these heights, plied In
such wondrous beauty, stood the Max
well place, where frontiersmen like
Kit Carson, Dick Wootton, Don Jesus
Abreau, Colonel St. Vrain and ex-Governor
Boggs made their rendezvous for
years. Amidst Old Baldy's fastnesses
were the famous hiding places of sucn
desperate outlaws as Griego, Poncha,
Clay Allison, Chunk, Coal Oil Jimmy,
"Lone" Taylor, and scores of other
bandits equally wild and fierce. Thus
was Augustinianl environed by a mot
ley and reckless citizenship.
Story of the Hermit.
Near the summit of Old Baldy there
is a perennial spring whose cold and
sparkling waters leap from beneath
its very crown. About these gushing
mountain waters there lingers the
story of the hermit. It Is said that
when he first reached the summit,
searching fot a cave In which to live,
he was almost famished on account ol
thirst. With his staff he smote a rock
and from it sprang this beautiful
stream that has not ceased to flow
since that day.
Though many thousands of feet
above the valley, numbers sought his
cave. Augustinianl erected fourteen
huge crosses, the ruins of which still
stand as silent monuments of his de
votion and zeal. From among his curi
ous and devout visitors he formed a
society called the Brotherhood of the
Holy CroBS. His only exaction was a
nllgrlmage In May and September.
They must ascend the peak and say
Drayer around these crosseB.
In the May pilgrimage of 1867, he
made a farewell speech that crushed
the hearts of his followers. It was
then he revealed to them the hand ol
destiny in his call to the land of Old
Mexico. Before his departure he vis
ited Father Baca of Las Cruces, who
presented him with gold for his long
iourney. He sought meditation ioi
the night in the Oregon mountains
Taking his farewell of Father Baca, he
"Tonight I will be In my cave and
will build my last fire on the peak tc
tell you good-by. I will pray the rosarj
and I want you to do likewise with
your people on the roofs of youi
houses. If you do not see the fire you
may know that I am dead and may
come tomorrow and get my dooks ano
No fire was kindled on tne peau tnai
night. The next day a company as
cended the heights. Amid the very
clouds they found the body of the good
old hermit, stricken through with
many an arrow flung from the bows ol
the bloody Navajos.
A young man who had been snub
bed at the theater door decided to get
even with his girl friends.
The girls occupied the first lour
seats in the sixth row and the young
man had the fifth. They paid no at
tention to him. On the program was
monologist who began to talk of
love to get a few laughs, as those ar
tists often do. He said: "All the girls
who are in love, please stand up."
Turning to the girl next to him, the
young man who had been snubbed
"Please let me out."
Naturally, the entire four had to
rise. When they were on their feet
ttje young man sat down, while the re
mainder of the audience roared In glee
at the four. Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Recognizing the Profession.
"Was your father a pirate?" asked
young Fltztop Of the girl of his choice
at a clandestine meeting, after the old
sea captain had urged his exit from
the family mansion on the hill by the
use of his pedal extremity.
"No, my darling," was the reply.
"Whv do you ask?"
"He seemed to me to be a good aeai
of a freebooter," said the young man.
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
For the Human System.
For cuts, burns, bruises, stiff neck,
sore throat, sprains, lame back and
bunions, use Hanford's Balsam of
Myrrh. It is guaranteed. It Is for
external use only. Always have a bot
tle on hand, ready for accidents. Adv.
You know the difficulty of getting the roots
of stumps out with pullers, by burning, or by
using explosives that merely shatter. You
need explosives that not only shatter but also
lift and heave that tear the roots and make
clearing easy. You can save work, time and
money by using
made by a Pacific Coast company, with SO years'
experience, to meet Pacific Coast agricultural conditions.
More than 2,000,000 pounds used every year by farmers
who have proved they reduce stump blasting costs.
There are two Giant Powders Eureka Stumping
Powder, for use in dry . work, and Giant Stumping
Powder, for wet work". Ask your dealer for them.
Test them alongside of any other explosive. Write us
and we will have our nearest distributor supply you
at lowest market prices with a trial case that will
, prove to you the economy of using Giant Farm Powders.
Five Valuable Books Free
We issue five handsome, illustrated books to help you to blast
cheaper and better books on Stump Blasting, Boulder Blasting, Tree
Planting, Subsoil Blasting and Ditch Blasting. Any or all of these
written by western men for western farmers will be sent on
request. Choose the books that you prefer and write for them today.
THE GIANT POWDER CO., Con., JBS5. San Francisco
"Everything for Blotting"
BRANCH OFFICES. Seattle, Spokane, Portland, Salt Uka Citr, Denver
"Look here," said the indignant
house owner to the agent from whom
he had bought his home on the Install
ment nlan. "The paneling in my din
ing room Is opening so you can put
your finger through the cracks."
"That's all right," replied the agent.
"The house is settling. And that re
minds me. It's about time you settled
up for last montn 8 installment.
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
"An" phwat is your Patsy doln'
these days, Mrs. O'llagan?"
"Ah. he's doin' foine! He's a con
ductor in the opery house, an' wears
a swallytall coat."
"A conductor, 1b It? An' phwat doeB
a conductor do?"
"He conducts people to their seats."
BE PRETTYI I
Try Grandmother's old Favorite
Kecipe or sage lea ana
Hanford's BalBam Is good for blood
A young wife remonstrated with her
husband, a dissipated spendthrift, on
his conduct. "Love," said he, "I am
like the prodigal son; 1 shall reform
by and by."
"I will -be like the prodigal son, too,"
she replied, "for I shall arise and go
to my father."
In Modern Times,
"In the old days, the main element
of a soldier was to know how to act
under fire." "
'And nowadays. In addition, he Is
supposed to know how to act under
water, In the earth and without air."
At the Boarding House.
"Is this beef too rare for you, Mr.
'Well, since you ask me, Mrs. Bkln-
ner, I would like It a little oftener."
"Now." said the lawyer to a rag
nicker who had been arrested for steal
ing some fruit or a venner, tney nave
a sure case on you, and we must play
safe. Have you any money?
"Ten dollars, boss.
"That's good. I will get you out ol
this. To every question, mind, every
one. they ask you, simply answer
The pilferer complied perfectly, and
as a result the Judge angrily ordered
the supposed fool released. Of course
the lawyer eagerly followed him from
"My man, you played It fine. But
for my smartness you'd be In the
works. Where's that ten dollars?"
"Spoons," said the thief, and hur
ried away. R. H. Martin, Ohio.
Keeps You Waiting.
"The time, the place and the girl
are seldom found together."
"True. The girl is usually hair an
hour late." Louisville Courier-Jour
"The word 'reviver' spells the same
backward or forward." It was the
frivolous man who Bpoke. "Can you
think of another?" The serious man
scowled up from his newspaper. "Tut-
tut!" ho cried contemptuously. To
We Get You, Madam.
Mrs. Kawler Did you ever
one of those astrologers?
Mrs. Blunderby No; but my daugh
ter Kate Is Just crazy to have ber
periscope read. Boston Transcript
P. N. U.
No. 18. 1018
fry-HEN vrtttaf to eaVerlieera, ahaa Sa
" tin lata
Fords Fords Fords
1915 TZtTA- $395
1915 rZZ.L, $335
1914 T"Ttt"- $275
1914 MJZM $295
FRANCIS MOTOR CAR EX., .
Eaat I3tk Hawthorn Art.,
APPLAUSE OF VARIOUS KINDS
Always Easy to Distinguish the Gen
uine From the Perfunctory or
With nearly every successful ad
dress applause plays a leading part.
There are several Tarietles or ap
plause. The common variety is me
perfunctory handclap a poor, wu
contribution which makes a butterfly
look longllved In comparison. A sec
ond variety is the charity offering of
an audience to the oratorlal beggan
The speaker ends profound decla
ration with a pause whlca Is next door
to an ODen declaration of war if tha
mlipnce doesn't come across. Or he
works himself up In a series of men
tal naroxysms which Impels tha audi
tors to rush to his rescue before it is
too late. All spellbinders pocket this
Y.rintT of annlause as real coin. Of
course it la nothing of the kind.
Tha eenulne Issue in laudation Is
spontaneous and volcanic eruption of
.nnroval and delight It blows out
violently from the subterranean fires
of (oik. and when It baa reached IU
One Thing Needful,
A Galveston widow says that she
knows one or two places where she
could get a husband, but what she
has always wanted Is a white satin
opera clouk. Galveston News.
cumax mere comes, suddenly an
gorgeously from the midst of It second
and' more terrific explosion, and
this Is reaching Its highest point
third and seismic spasm rockets
through bedlam and overwhelms every
thing and everybody This is the real
thing. It cannot be made to order
aV It cannot be counterfeited. The
prearranged outbursts at national po
litical conventions following the noml
natlcns are pitiable attempts to manu
facture It. Claques and coteries of d
votoes try occasionally to produce
merhanlrally. They never do success
fully. Victor Murdock In Collier's
Rubbing It In.
"The audacity of this laundress!"
"After reducing my garments ' to
shreds she tries to charge me by the
piece." Louisville Courier-Journal.
Almost evervone knows that Sage
Tea and Sulphur, properly compound
ed, brings back the natural color and
lustre to the hair when faded, Btreaked
or gray. Years ago the only way to
get this mixture was to make It at
home, which Is mussy and trouble
some. Nowadays, Dy asmng ai any
lime store for "Wyeth's Sage and Sul-
Dhur Compound." you will get a large
bottle of this famous old recipe, Im
proved by the addition of other ingre
rtlents. for about 60 cents.
nnn't stav crav! Try It! No one
can possibly toll that, you darkened
your hair, as it does It so naturally
and evenly. You dampen a spongo
or soft brush with it and draw this
through your hair, taking one small
Btrand at a time; by morning the gray
hair disappears, and after another ap
plication or two, your hair becomeB
beautifully dark, glossy and attractive.
Wveth's Sane anil suipnur com
pound is a delightful toilet requisite
for those who acBire oara nair aim
vnu thfiil annearance. It is not Intended
for the cure, mitigation or prevention
Miss Wheat, the new teacher, was
earine the history lesson, wnicn
dealt with the career of George Wash
ington. Turning to one of the schol
ars, she asked:
James, what was wasmngions
The new boy arose wltn a prompti
tude that promised well for his an
"Heaven, ma am, he Baiu.
oa . u.s.Pat .otr.
Keep Kids Kleen
Tta nuut rmdical. healthful. Dityflm
BtrmenU ever invenled for children to
8 yean of ige. Made in one piece with
op back, tauty tupped on of on.
Easily wathed. No liuhl daiticbandi
to atop circulation. Made in blue
oVnitn. and blue and white hickory
tlripet for all the year round. Alto
lioViM WMohl fad-rnlna- material in
dark blue, cadet blue, tan or dork red
for umrner wear, all appropriately
bunmra with lait - color oatatea,
M adt in Dutch nec k with elbow
tleevea and high Deck tod long
75c the suit
I J.) . t..M
II ynur J. uin -omiu tuyyij j.
Vre will Krtd thrm, chawe prepaid
00 receipt of price, 1 x each.
a New FRFF u J1
Beware of Imitationi. Look for
the Two Huriei on the Label.
Levi Strauss & Co., San Francisco
Aw.rdici GRAND PRIZE at thi P.P.I.L
f you are
in purity first
A teacher was giving to her class an
exerclso In spelling and donning
words! "Thomas," she said to a
curly-haired little boy, "spell 'Ibex.'"
"1 b-x." "Correct. Define It." "An
Ibex," answnrcd Thomas, after a pro
longed mental struggle "Is where you
look In tho back part of the book
when vou want to find anything that's
printed In the front of tho book."
is what, you
There are many
Why but try a
can and see for
Portland Y.M. C. A. Auto School
Pay and nisrht claiwei. Expert tralnlnl
In repairing, driving and machine work,
Inciuding-Jonre. lathe, ahaper, drill pr.
trnctorti, etc. Time unlimited. COMPh
TKNT CHAUFFEURS AND MECHAN
ICS SUI'I'LIKD. WHITE, U3.
Visitor Can I see that motorist who
.,i hrnnphf nnrp an nuur kku
Nurse He basn t come to niB
Vlsltor-Oh, that's all nsiit. i oniy
wnnted to sell him another car.
A Grouchy Chap.
"Do vou think any of the girls will
rooiiv nmnnHn this year?''
"I don t know, hui ii iney oo i uupe
ilia men won't elcKle and whisper it
around, as some of the girls do.
Rnralned ankle? Rub on and rub
in Hanfnrd's UalBam thoroughly. Adv.
Start and Finish.
A publisher of this city is credited
with a unique criticism of a story
teller who had begun promisingly, but
soon degenerated into the loweBttype
of "best seller."
"This gentleman's biography," said
the publisher, "can be comprised with
in two questions anu answers mus;
"'How did he begin writing :
'"With a wealth of thought.'
" 'How did he continue?'
" 'With a thought of wealth.' "
Life's Little Worries.
"Can vou wait on me Immediately?"
demanded the richly dressed woman.
I'm In a great hurry."
"Yes. Let me have your prescrip
tion," said the drugglsL
I have no nrescrlutlon. I want you
to look up p. number for me In the tele
"t man vnu're wearina rubber heels.
Don't you find them a great comfort?"
Ynu net I do My WHO never
knows what time I come home from
the club now."
"Is he a typical American?"
"Yes; he likes baseball, has a motot
car, owes a mortgage, pays unmuu,
and thinks the motion pictures hav
grand opera beaten a mile." Life.
That Settled It.
ynu broke off the engage-
ment?" said one young man
Yes, but not brutally, you
But I managed It."
Told her what my salary was.
A Too Willing Worker.
"Yes, the boss said he was losing
money on the things I was malting."
"And what were you making?"
"Mistakes." Philadelphia Record.
"Talking about the total depravity
of Inanimate things
Jimt as we got opposite a road
hotel with a big gun, 'Hta Food a Spe
cialty,' our auto deliberately lurnou
turtle. Baltimore American.
The Usual Experience.
"Have you laid by anything alnce
you took up the prolcsslou of author-
"Yes. about 300 manuscripts."
The. Heroic Mood.
Stella Did he think you bad some
thing of the heroic In your mood?
llflla Well, he proposed on 110 a
week. Evening Sun.
An Adept 8tudent
French Visitor I am learning xe
lansuaee varoy fast. Zat leetle boy
tare spinning his top he's a spinster,
eh T Boston Transcript.
"That waiter of ours has been In
Dili restaurant for 20 years."
"I don't doubt 1L It scema nearly
(hat long since 1 gave my order."
With appetite keen,
digestion normal, and
no fear of any after
helps very materially
In bringing about
such a condition. It
is an excellent tonic
and appetizer. Try it