Image provided by: Hood River County Library District; Hood River, OR
About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 24, 1915)
THIS COUPON IS WORTH Twenty Dollars The VERY BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT lor YOUR BOY or YOUR GIRL it a Thorough Business College Education Thli id la rood for $20 on a complete Business Coarse if uied by Jan. 1, 1910. Save it. and write today for particular!. LINK'S BUSINESS COLLEGE Tenth and Morrison Sts., Portland, Ore, Lumber, Shingles, Lath, Moulding, Doors, Windows and other Building- Ma terial from Sam Connell Lumber Co. Portland, Oregon. Send us a list of what you require for your buildings and we will name you prices delivered at your station and Guarantee to save you Money. Dalles-Columbia Line Winter Schedule, Nov. 25 to Mar. IB. Bteamern J. V. Teal and Twin Cities for Kenne wick. Pun, Wallula, Umatilla. Arlington, The pallee. Lyle, Hood River, White Salmon. Carson, Stevenson. Cascade Locks. Leave Portland Tues. days and Fridays at 11 p. m. Freight and passea trera. Landing Taylor St. Dock. Portland. Doable Tread Puncture Proof Tires Made from your old ones. Last long as Brand New TIRES Write us. OREGON VULCANIZING CO., 650 Washington St., Portland, On, LEARN WATCHMAKING Pleasant, profitable work not overdone: few enonUis' teaming; positions guaranteed: write for references and particulars. Portland Watchmak big. Engraving and Optical School, 218 Common, wealth Building, Portland, Oregon. WEEKS' BREAK-UP-A-COLD TABLETS A guaranteed remedy for Colds and La Grippe, Price 25c of your druggist. It's good. Take nothing else. Adv. How to Be Happy Though Chlcagoans A Chicago couple celebrated their fifty-ninth wedding anniversary some time ago. Believing their long years of wedlock have qualified them as ex pert on the subject, they have drawn np the following recipe for marital happiness and the Chicago "Tribune" prints It: 1. Lore each other all the time. 2. Keep silent when she wants to ar gue. 3. Keep silent when he wants to argue. 4. Use good common sense in times of depression. 5. Don't blame your husband when he's doing his best 6. Don't scold. 7. Have a few children playing around the house. This married couple have lived up to the seventh of their commandments and now that their -own youngsters have grown up they have seven grand children and four great-grandchildren. And we notice this detail of the re cipe: these rules are applied to both parties, not Just to one of them. We haven't yet arrived at that stage of civilisation wherein we honestly apply the Oolden Rule In all life's everyday relations, but applying some part of that Rule at home means having a home. Colliers. Papa's Nemesis. Evelyn Is cowardly and her father decided to have a .serious talk with his little daughter. "Father," she said at the close of his lecture, "when you see a cow, ain't yon 'fraid?" i "No!" with scorn. "Ain't you 'fraid when it thunders f" "No," with laughter. "Oh, you silly, illy child." "Papa," said Evelyn solemnly, "ain't you 'fraid of nothing in the world but mamma?" A Good Player. "Thump-rattlety-bang" went the piano. "What are you trying to play, Jane?" called out her father from the next room. "It's an exercise from my new In struction book, 'First Steps in Music," she answered. "Well, I knew you were playing with your feet," he said grimly, "but don't step so heavily on the keys it dis turbs my thoughts." Canned, . "Is your wife putting up any fruit this summer?" "No, but I've canned a few peaches myself." "You have." "Yes. I've had three different stenographers this year, and not one of them knew half as much about spelling and grammar as she did about the latest fashions." No Room For It. "Will you have a cherry or an olive In your cocktail, major?" asked the host. "Neither," replied the major. "They merely take up a lot of Bpace that might be better devoted to the likker. Cincinnati Enquirer. The Wise Fool. "Truth, crushed to earth, will rise agaijj," quoted the Sage. "Yes," responded the Fool. "But It seldom rises in time to get the num ber of the joy rider's machine." C Gee Wo SneccMfnl Horn Remcditt Hit luceeMful herb al remediM cars all kinds of ailments of men and women with out operation, used from the wonderful Ciineaa barbs, roots. buds and vegetables, which are unknown to the medical science of this country. Write for blank and circulars. Send stamp. CONSULTATION FREE. Address Hw C Gee Wo Chinese Medicine Co. 1624 First St., Portland. Ore. Mention Paper. o F. N.U. , No. 61. . fltTBEN writing to aehstlaaare, aiseaa mm- " else tab .,. . . JURRCTED THE Black Hills of South Da , kota and Wyoming, which are In fact mountains rising from - the great plains to an eleva tion of 7,000 or more feet above sea level, were millions of years ago, a small, low Island, surrounded by a vast shallow sea. , This sea extended as far. west as the Rocky mountains, which were mere highlands rising above It, writes Guy E. Mitchell in the Utica Saturday Globe. The average traveler today, much less the bandits and Indians who have in recent years Infested this elevated region, would probably, according to their various nationalities, smile grimly or laugh to scorn the statement that this portion of the country, now so arid and barren, was once the ocean, and later a vast tropical swamp, among whose rant and Ihtii. riant vegetation lurked strange and nuge reptiles, and on the shores of which roamed giant herbivorous ani mals, which were in turn preyed upon by the terrible flesh-eating monsters of the early world. Such, however, is the fact as attested by the vast quantities of fossilized bones which have been found imbedded In the rocks and many of which are now mounted in lifelike attitudes In various museums of the country. Following this age of sea and swamp the whole reelon was unllftnrl t hnn. .sands of feet by the dynamic forces rrom within the earth; the hills be came mountains and the bed of the ancient sea, long since turned to stone, became a lofty plateau. Then the rivers began their slow work of cutting, carving and dissecting this tableland. The result today is that wonderful region of several hundred square miles east of the Black Hills, known as "The Big Bad Lands," where nature has chiseled the soft rocks into thousands of strange of curious shapes. The cloudbursts of spring and summer which visit the Bad Lands cre ate innumerable rivers, from small rills to raging torrents; whose rushing waters cut deep into the old ocean bed layers of hardened sand and clay carrying it into most startling shapes and forms. There Is a bewildering variety, a kaleidoscoplo change from every different viewpoint. The Bad Lands are not, as might be supposed from the name, somber and desolate In appearance. Bad they are for th. unwary traveler's comfort, even in deed his safety, since the watering places are few and far between. Chaos of Rugged Shapes. Different from the titanic carvings of nature, such as the great canyon of the . Colorado, which has been cut largely by a single river running cease lessly through the endless centuries. the Bad Lands present a Sne network of comparatively minute sculpturing, in hundreds rather than thousands of feet, the result of intermittent erosion. Neither does the wanderer's eye rest on any forests, glittering lakes, rr green meadows. Instead, there la a veritable chaos of rugged and gro tesque shapes fashioned by the rains and the winds out of the crumbly rocks, softly tinted with manv hues. The bright western sun reflects the llgnt from thousands of glittering pyramids, towers, galleries, and ca thedral spires, all bare of vegetation, but casting back In subdued Bhades every color of the rainbow. No land of fable could nlctura a greater varloty of fairy castles, with watch towers, battlements and tur rets. Impregnable strongholds built on lofty clilfs, commanding the country arounu, until too domain or tbe next lofty castlo or nestling chateau is reached. The fact that many of these fantastic structures appear to be fall ing Into ruin in no wav detracts from the romantic charm of the scene; such indoed seems in harmony with the si lent, deserted aspect of the region. Fortress after fortress and em battlement after embattlement ment the eye from different positions as uie traveler wanders here and thore through the Bad Lands, some sadly in need of repair long aban doned in the Imagination others standing nut bold and sharp against the clear bluo Dakota sky. Hardly can SAYS WOMEN Writer Is of Opinion They Do Not Realize Their Full Responsibility as Purchsslng Agents, Woman's responsibility as purchas er does not end with her own satis faction, her own economy, nor does It remain vl'.bln her homo walls. Upon this subject Ida Tarbell says, writ ing of conditions in the United States: "Woman argues that her work has no relation to the state. Her failure to see that relation costs this country heavily. Her concern Is with retail prices. If Blie dees her work intel ligently, she follows and studies every fluctuation of pi Ice In standards. She also knows whether she Is receiving the proper quality and quantity; and yet eo poorly have women discharged tbrlr obligations thst dealers for years have been cblo to manipulate prices practically to pleaso them selves, and os for quality and quan tity we have the tcacdrl of American woollen foods, of food adulteration tod fa's measures. No one ot these CASTUC3 there be anything ' more impresslvt than the vast silence and great deso lation of the Bad Lands. Over most of the region few living things can be seen. Here and there, In some favored hollow, a stunted tree clings desperately to existence, and animal life Is equally scarce. A few springs support a little vegetation, viv idly green In contrast with the sur rounding grays, blues, pinks and olive shades of the rocks, while In two or three places animals are found. A high ridge of some extent located near the center of the region,: and representing probably the original level of the old plateau, has sufficient soli and fertility to support a scanty growth of grass and on this live con siderable numbers of the great Rocky Mountain Bighorn, the noblest of American wild sheep. This ridge Is some 500 feet above the rest of the Bad Lands, and is known as Sheep mountain. What a vast amount of washing and erosion of the rock and what endless centuries of time must have elapsed to have cut away the thousands of squaro miles which now spread below this elevated remnant of the sea bed! From Sheep mountain the views in all directions comprise the most notable Bad Lands scenery in the world. Below lies the shattered and fantastic fragment of the once great plateau, curved and cut and twisted into, thousands of queer and eerie shapes. There are groups of great gray birdlike forms; there are things with long necks and heads that resem ble ostriches; there are shapes that might be taken for herds of some mon strous, unknown animalB, and gardens of giant mushrooms; even profiles and full views of the human face that might surely, from their appearance, have been sculptured by clever work men of some forgotten race, so perfect are the expressions of these heroic statues all carved, however, by the rain and the wind blowing the saad particles against the soft rock. Ones Teemed With Life. Absolutely deserted as are the Bad Lands today, except for the occasional traveler, this great plateau. In the very long ago, when tbe world was very young, was teeming with animal life, No such animals are alive today; only their smaller descendants. ' The huge Tltanotherlum, which fed upon the luxuriant growth of almost tropical vegetation with which the Bad Lands were at one time clothed, would have made the largest rhinoceros of the present age look like a suckling pig, This antediluvian monster was 14 fee,t long and stood nine feet high. Other monsters were the Oredon and the Elatherium, while a great cat or pan ther-tiger preyed upon the herb eaters of the time. The bones of hundreds of these animals have been found em bedded in the rock strata of the Bad Lands. The region has ever been re nowned as a veritable storehouse of the fossil skeletons of these pre historic animals which lived hundreds of centuries before the epoch of the nrst man. Priest Forced to Shell Church. Here Is a little story from the front, says La Semalne Lltteralre, which Is absolutely authentic: The church tower of a certain vil lage in the hands of the enemy proved very annoying to a particular portion of the French trenches. It was de cided accordingly that it must be de stroyed, and a good artillerist was chosen for the purpose. He addressed himself to his task, and having taken careful aim, succeeded eventually In leveling the tower by a well-directed shot. Congratulations followed, to which the gunner replied: "You would felicitate me all the more perhaps, although there Is lit tle need for congratulation, If you knew what I am in civilian life." "How do you mean what are your "I am a priest." The Main Thing. . "That young actress has the face ot a seraph." "That's all right, but has she the backing of an angel?" FAIL IN DUTY things could have come about in this country if woman had taken her busi ne8s as a consumer with anything like the seriousness with which man takei his as a producer." American Clothing In England. Large quantities of warm clothing have been Imported Into England from American factories in readiness for the winter. Londoners have long dic tated men's fashions for the world, and are not at all pleased with the style and finish of the imported gar ments, which for the most part were designed for the home trade In the United States. They have to take them or nothing, however, because the usual sources, of supply have been cur tailed or cut off as a result of the war. The Reason. "Why Is It that hot soda Isn't mors popular with the ladies in cold weath er?" "We have tried hard," explained the druggist, "but can't perfect an' war to serve Ice cream In It" THEIR CHANCE TO STOP WAR eaee Agitators Meeting In Back Room Given Opportunity to Bring Conflict to End. The peace agitators were meeting In the back room. They had lust de clared the war must be brought to an end. "It's all up to us," the Impassioned chairman shouted. "If we do our duty the thing's accomplished." At that moment the door opened and a military aid in full uniform ap peared on the threshold.. , "Fall In," he cried. "You are now a part of the first company of the Sec ond regiment of the Black Brigade. You start for the front this afternoon I Forward march!" ' , And the little band tramped forth to end the war. Cleveland Plain Dealer. - An Achievement. "Are you sure you thoroughly un derstand that question you attempted to decide?" "No," replied Senator Sorghum; "but I fancy I expressed myself In terms sufficiently obscure to prevent anybody else from taking enough In terest to call me down." IN COLD HANDS. "She returns my love." "When you get it back you will lint that she, being a Boston girl, i has chilled It through, and you will bava to warm it over." Point to Consider. . "I'm afraid Qrabson thinks too much about the material things ot life." "Perhaps so, but we need a few people In the world like htm." i "Yes?" "If everybody spent his time In reading poetry, admiring works of art and listening to soulful music, who'd donate the money to build li braries, art galleries and audito riums?" x Wistful Waiting. "I passed a man sitting In a broken down motor car while taking a trip through the country this morning." "Did he seem worried?" "Not particularly. In fact, he had a far-away look In his eyes." "Maybe he was thinking of the place he hopes to reach some day," Twould Seem So. "Trolley car conversation Is about on a par with street corner gossip." "I think It's rather above." "Why so?" "Considering the difficulty of mak ing oneself heard on the average trol ley car, the person who talks thr must have something worth while to say." Just a Theory. "Good heavens! Whv does that young woman playing the piano next aoor sing so loudly I "Maybe her conscience hurts her." "What do you mean?" "She probably wants to drown out the racket her mother Is making in the kitchen washing dishes." Indifference. "Which do you prefer, summer or winter?" "I've no preference," replied Mr. Growcher. "It is equally depressing to me whether I put In a large por tion of my time reading about the hottest day ever, or the coldest day ever." Doubtful Aid. "My barber is a Frenchman. Every day while he's shaving me he gives me a little lesson In French." "Fine. But don't you find it rather difficult to make replies?" "Yes, to a certain extent, but the lather that gets Into my mouth seems to help my accent." Carefully Proportioned. "How were your crops this year?" "Jea' about right," replied Farmer Corntossel; "not big enoueh to mean much work or risk an' at the same time sufficient to make the summer boarders think that they was llvln' on a sure-enough farm." His Preference. Oldham Are you going to hear the lecture tonight on "The Girl of To day"? Youngun I should sav not. fh girl of tonight Is far more attractive, Professional Humorist DIMS Your friend the flnrtnr 1. a funny fellow, Isn't he? Biggs In what way Is he funny? Diggs Why, he Is alwavs taklne- somebody off. She Fixed It Husband Why In the world do you have our bills come In weekly instead of monthly? : Wife You told me that you didn't want them so large, didn't you? Quite So. "That aviator looks rather rlila-nt. dated, doesn't he?" "Somewhat so, but then It la ni. natural for a bird man to look seedy." Just It "Excuse me, my friend, but vrtm violent utterances will simply eacour age lynch law." "I don't care a hangl" FAMOUS OLD CLOCK Invention of John Muir That Was - a Wonder. Not Only Effectually Aroused Sleeper, but Could Be Arranged to 8tart Fire and Deliver Books " When Wanted. 1 The famous clock of the late John Mulr, tbe noted naturalist and ex plorer, which not only woke him up in the morning, but dumped him out ot bed; which delivered his books to him in regular sequence when he was studying and which lighted his fire In the morning, has Just been presented to the Wisconsin State Historical so ciety's museum at Madison by the Wisconsin Alumni Association of Northern California. The Milwaukee Journal gives the following account, with Illustration, ot that extraordinary clock: The clock was used by Mulr during his school days at Wisconsin univer sity In tbe early sixties. Because of his desire to work, he kept late hours and found It hard to get up. First he tried tying a string to his toe and having the janitor pull It at S a. m. j This worked until sdme of the students nearly pulled him out of bed. Then he built a clock which would do the work. He built a bed ot pine boards with three legs, two at the head and one at the foot. The leg at the foot was in two sections and operated on an el bow. ThiB elbow was held by a peg so that if the peg was released the bed would drop to an angle of 45 de grees. A strong cord, fastened to the peg, led to the clock; on the end of the cord near the clock was a large stone. Before retiring the cord was attached to the clock and at five the clock would do its deadly work. The noise of John falling out of bed and the falling stone awakened everyone in the building. While teaching In a country school house he used the clock to start a fire before he arrived at school. The clock upset a tube ot sulphuric acid Into a mixture ot chlorate ot potash and sugar placed under the kindling and wood tbe night before. Instant com bustion took place. . He also used the clock to open and shut his books when he wished to 0 John Muir's Clock, Set for Delivering His Books In Order, study. By arranging his books In a small car which operated on his study table they arranged themselves. In a certain order and were placed before him at a stated time by the move ment ot the clock. Material for Briquettes. . Peat and chalk are being extensive ly used, It Is reported, for brlquetting In Canada, The peat Is mixed with coal breeze and then pressed into briquettes. Such a fuel has been found efficient and economical, Chalk, also, of which there are large de posits In Canada, can be pulverized and then combined with a certain percentage of breeze and solidified tar, the mixture being compressed Into small briquettes or pebbles about the size of an egg. The briquettes burn with perfect satisfaction. The fuel "has the advantage of being smokeless, Has a bigh calorific value and burns freely. Madame Joffre. She, who had never been separated from her husband, not even for a day, Deiore tne war, bas since the war broke out, never been to see him, al though tbe general staff's headauar- lers are scarcely a couple of hours putsiae or fans, it is against the rules for a soldier to see his wife, nr for a wife to try to visit her husband at the front, therefore, although Madame Joffre has every facility for doing so, she will never go to see her husband. She does not avail herself of any privilege granted through her position, but makes a point of setting? the example. From a Paris Letter. Power In Japan, The great dictator In the legal ad ministration of Japan Is not the min ister of Justice or the chief Judge ot the court of cassation, but the chief general public prosecutor of the su preme court, Klchlro Hlranuma, Hogaku-hakushl. Doctor Hlranuma Is the strength and embodiment ot the procuratorlal system as It works In Japan today. He Is a man of fifty, has been an official ot the department ot Justice since 1888, and In 1912 was appointed chief procurator. No man's word carries greater weight In tbt courts of Japan. Sea-Fighting at Long Range, The fight In the North Sea began twelve miles away. When the Blue cher was struck, she was ten miles from her English enemy. When von Spee and Craddock fought off Chile, they opened fire at a distance of 12, 000 yards, and Craddock had old fashioned obsolete ships. If old-fashioned obsolete ships open fire at 12,000 yards, what the superdreadnoughts can do, may be guessed. What they can do, experts say frankly, Is throw a 2000-pound projectile twenty-five miles with such accurate range-finders that the deflection will be only twenty yards for six miles. In fact, the im provement and change In naval equip ment has been so swift and revolu tionary that the life of a battleship has been rated first rank for only five years. In speed, In size, in armor proof, and bie nun fire, the changes have come so fast since 1905 that tbe nations had either to fight it out or cripple themselves financially building Digger ana Digger monsters of tne sea; and oddly enough, the changes all date from a little "cheese box on a floating saucepan," the Monitor of Civil War fame. From the time the Monitor and the Merrlmac spat out their fire-cracker shots at each other, it has been a race among the nations for speed, ar mor proof, big guns, and long range. Those best informed declare that the big gun and speed have rendered sec ondary both armor proof and subma rine; but these are disputes that will be finally settled in the present war. Neither side has had any monopoly of courage. The courage of- both sides has been magnificent, almost (terri ble, but speed and the big gun have won. From "What Sea Power Means to England," by A, C. Laut, in the American Review of Reviews for De cember. .... , , , THAT COLD YOU HAVE may bring sickness, doctors bills and loss of work; you know that serious sickness usually starts with a cold, and a cold only exists where 'Weakness exists. Remember that, t - Overcome the weakness and nature cures the cold that is the law of reason. Carefully avoid drugged pills, syrups or stimulants; they are only props and braces and whips. , It is the pure medicin al nourishment in Scott's Emulsion that quickly en riches the blood, Strengthens the lungs and helps heal the air passages. And mark this well-i-Scott's Emul sion generates body-heat as protection against winter sickness., Get Scott's at your drug store to-day. It always strengthens and builds up. 14-51 Scott Sx Bowne, Bloomfield, N. I. Sure of Help, ' The boy was very small and' the load he was pushing In the wheelbar row was very, very big. A benevolent old gentleman, put ting down his bundles, lent him a helping hand. "Really, my boy." he puffed. "I don't see how you manage to get that narrow up the gutters alone." "I don't," replied the appreciative Kia. ueres always some jay a-standln around as takes it up tor me." A Problem, Little Elizabeth and her mother were having luncheon together and the mother, who always tried to Im press facts upon her young daughter, saia: "These little sardines, Elizabeth, are sometimes eaten by the larger risn." Elizabeth gazed at the sardines In wonder and then asked i "But, mother, how do the large fish get tne cans open?" ., , Insulted. "I don't see Grlggsby at the club any more. He used to spend nearly all his time there." "Yes, but when some of the other boys suggested that he ought to spend something else besides his time once in a while he got mad and resigned." Extraordinary, Kind Old Lady I'm sure you won' mind my asking you, but are you relative of Cantain Jones, of Mnrlfnrrl The Officer Madam, I am Captain Jones of Murlforrl Kind Old Lady Ah, then, that ac counts for the extraordinary resem- oiance: i.onaon upinion. J - :v;.i ; ; Not Particular. , Brown Did I leave an umbrella here yesterday? Barber What kind of an umbrella? Brown Oh, any kind at all. I'm not fussy. Boston Globe. Spoilsport, "Young man," said the magistrate severely, "the assault you have com mitted on your wife was most brutal. Do you know of any reason why I should not send you to prison?" "If you do, your honor," replied the prisoner at the bar, hopefully, "it will break up our honeymoon." Phil adelphia Ledger. NEW MODERN DANCING. E. Fletcher Hallamore, the leading- Dancing Ex pert and Instructor In New York City, writes: "1 bava used ALLEN 'S FOOT-EASE, the antiseptic powder to be shaken Into the shoes, for ten years, and recommend It to all my pupils." It cures and prevents sore feet. Bold by all Drue and Depart ment Stores, 26c. Sample FREE. Address, Allen B. Olmsted. Le Roy, N. Y, Not Guilty. "Do you know that that young man who Is going to marry your daughter Is an Inveterate gambler?" "Nothing of the sort. He merely thinks he Is. Why, I trimmed him out ot fifteen dollars myself at stud poker the other night" Not Gray Hairs tret tired Eyes Mike sis look older than wa are. Old as. and Dull to-tals! SaT OfT. OilOs-s, For Every Kind of Lameness r RufchMa4 Rub baa, ThoroutU HAN FORD'S Balsam of Myrrh For Cuts, Burnt. Bruises. Snraina. Strains. Stiff rWlr. ChilbIaJna.LarnRjir1r Uldaoret. Onen Wonnrla. arir all External Injuries. Made Since 1846. .k1! Price 25c, BOe and $1.00 AllDealsrs'HSA' TYPHOID Is no more nactssarw than Smallpox. Arm experience bas demoojtrited the almost miraculous ffU cacv, and htrmlMmeM, of Antityphoid Vaccination. Be vaccinated MOW by your phrslclan, yen and Four f amllr. It Is more vital than house insurance. Ask your physician, druggist, or send for "Hava on bad Typhoid!" telling of Typhoid Vicclnt, results from use, sad dsnger from Typhoid Carriers. IrX CUTTER LABORATORY, BEMtLEV, CM. rsosuciss vsccmii s siauas sania v. s. am. ucsase Pay $10,000,000 for Poodles. "The most astounding extravagance of the women of America is that we spend , $10,000,000 each year for poodles." . Mrs. R. L. Barker told this to the delegates to the annual meeting ot the Women's International Missionary union in New Orleans in describing how American women make the money fly." She continued: "We spend more for bats yearly than It takes to support the army and navy and Several Other federal depart ments. We also spend $107,000,000 for soft and cooling drinks and $178, 000 for 'candy. It is time to call a halt and to return to the sane ways ot our mothers," He Was The Iv.an. A colored man called at Mrs. Bai ley's looking for work. "What is your name?" she asked, after hiring him. - "Mah name 1b Foe, ma'am," was the answer. "Poe!" she exclaimed. "Perhaps some of your family worked for Edgar Allan Poe; did they?" The colored man opened his eyes wide with amazement "Why why, ma'am," he said, as he pointed a dusky finger at himself "why, Ah am Edgar Allan Poe!" Not A Thought Promoter. "You must admit that my speech has stirred a lot ot people up," re marked the orator. . 'Yes," replied his Mend, "you have stirred 'em up all right Your appeal to sentiment and emotion ought to set them to thinking." "That Isn't the purpose. Remember I am an impassioned leader. I depend' on unquestioning obedience. My method Is to get 'em so excited that they can't think and will take my word for It." Washington Star, Very Simple. "How can you sell these shirts for 98 cents if they are worth two dol lars apiece, as you say they are?" "It's like this. The goods were so popular that the manufacturer could not make them fast enough to supply the demand, so he failed, and we bought his entire stock at a sacrifice." Provoking. The Professor Humph! Dear me! t gave that young man two courses on the cultivation of the memory and he's gone away and forgot to pay me, and I can't for tbe life of me remem ber the fellow's name. How provok ing! Strenuous. ' Abner Well, Jay, how d'ye like It up f the city? Jay Aw, it was all rlghtf enough most ways, but what bothered me most was tryin' to look at everybody I met on the street Puck. ' ' Relaxation. . "What did your husband think of the ball game?" "Oh, he doesn't go there to think. He Just hollers." V w 1 Stop to all Distemper CURES THE SICK And prevents others having the disease no matter how exposed. 60 cents and 1 a bottle, 15 and 110 a dozen bottles. All good drug (lets and turf goods houses. SPOHN MEDICAL CO., Chemists and Bacteriologists, Ooahan, Ind., U, 8. A. Had to Follow. Jim had looked In at the country livery stable in search of a job. He seemed promising and was set to work greasing the axles of a carriage. In a remarkably short space of time he reported the task finished. "Look here," said his new boss, "d'ye mean to say you've greased all four ot them wheels already?" "Weel," rejoined the new hand, "Aa've greased the two front ones." "And why haven't you greased the two hind ones?" "Weel," exclaimed Jim, calmly, "se lang as the two front ones gans all reet, the two hind ones hev to toller." Apt Title. "This collar stud Is my own inven tion," said the Cheap Jack, "and the name I have given it is 'Fault.' " "Because everybody has faults?" suggested the red-nosed man in the crowd. "No, my dear sir; simply because It's so easy to find." After the Movies aad Murine yourtysaV Two Drops' wlllrMt, rttfreah and Hav.il bandy. teal, lees slabs Its assaweaest.