The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930, December 03, 1915, Image 7

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    ANNOUNCEMENT to our patron!
throughout the Pacific Northwest
J""" placed under the management of
N. K. Clarke, who was for many years
connected with the Portland. Cornelius
and Seward Hotels, and who will 'always
extend to alt a cordial welcome.
Commencing November 1st we shall in
augurate the American plan in connection
with the European plan.
We solicit your patronage
American Plan, $3 to $5 per day.
European Plan, $1 per day up.
N. K. CLARKE, Mgr.
, If you are ailing In anyway, and want help.
J:'nt? mf DR- L-M- DAVIS. 129W Russel street.
Portland, Oregon.
Beauty and Wealth p,vScSer,s 8"ta"'-
, ", ' " ,, Culture show you how to
attain both. Full instructions. Scores of valuable
formulas. Beautify yourself. Start a Beauty
Shop. Start manufacturing Beauty Specialties,
All of these opportunities are open to you. Com
plete system $1.00 per copy. Particulars FREE.
Purack Specialty Co,, S28 Cham. Com.. Portland
Dalles-Columbia Line
State of Washington, for The Dalles daily n,
Sunday 11 p. m. Leave Dalles daily eg. Monday
12 M. Steamers J. N. Teal. Inland Umpire and
Twin CitieB for Upper Columbia and Snake river
points. Taylor St. Dock. Tel. Main 613.
Willamette and Columbia River Towiaj C., Portlud.
A Subdued Vocalist.
"Pa, you sing bass In the choir,
don't you?" asked Bobby Smithers.
"Yes, my son," replied Mr. Smith
ers. "And ma sings soprano?"
"That's right."
"Well, there's one thing I don't un
derstand." "What is it?"
"Mrs. Tompkins says you sing
mighty big In public and mighty small
at home."
A Solution.
"I see that the English newspapers
complain because the British work
lngman drinks a few glasses of beer
and then can't do anything else all
day.". .
"Why In the world don't the English
government make a Christmas pres
ent of a day's supply of that beer to
each German soldier?" Judge.
'InM, Paf.killW 0ur Package contains 88 pieces
AIIIU ravnu&IW of Christmas and holiday nor
cities. Including post cards, folders, gift cards,
stickers, tags, seals and cutouts, making a repre
sentative package which is a rare value at 10c.
Jackson & Co., 328 Cham, of Com., Portland. Ore.
The Entrance Out.
"What does 'exit' mean, mamma?"
asked small Edna, pointing to the
word over the door of a moving-picture
"I know!" exclaimed her little
brother. "It means the entrance out."
For Ordinary Grip;
For All Catarrhal Conditions;
For Prevention of Colds.
An Excellent Remedy
For The Convalescent;
For That Irregular Appetite;
For Weakened Digestion.
Ever-Ready-to -Take
Kitchen Philosophy.
Mr. Bradshaw was In a great hurry
and breakfast was late.
"I wish you'd find out what this
trouble is," he said to his wife.
Mrs. Bradshaw returned from the
kitchen wearing a melancholy expres
sion, ,
"Well, well," demanded the hus
band, "what did she say?"
"She said," responded the wife,
"that 'we all have our disappoint
ments.' " Browning's Magazine.
Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets repfu
late and invigorate stomach, liver and
bowels. Sugar-coated, tiny granules,
easy to take. Do not gripe.
Complete Failure.
"I read a joke the other day about
a man getting the last word with his
wife by bawling it up the speaking
tube as he went out the front door of
the apartment house."
"Tried it, eh? How did it work?"
"Didn't work. My wife must have
read the same joke. She let a kettle
of soapsuds come down the tube just
as I started to whistle up." Louisville
Courier-Journal. ,
Best Proof That
Resinol Heals Eczema
In our file of reports, covering a
period of twenty years, literally thou
saids of physicians tell how success
ful the Resinol treatment is for ecze
ma and similar skin troubles. The
first use of Resinol Ointment and
Resinol Soap usually stops the itching
and burning, and they soon clear away
all trace of the eruption. No other
treatment for the skin now before the
public can show such a record of pro
fessional approval.
Resinol Ointment and Resinol Soap
work so gently, and are so absolutely
free from anything that could injure
even the tenderest skin, that they are
ideal for healing the skin troubles of
Infants and children. Sold by all
An Eye for the Future.
Goldsmith Would 'you like any
name or motto engraved on it, sir?
Customer (who has chosen an en
gagement ring) Ye-yes-ura, Augus
tus to Irene. And ah look here,
don't ah look here, don't ah cut
Irene deep. London Punch.
For all external Injuries to horses,
cattle or sheep, apply Hanford's Bal
sam. You should always have It on
hand for accidents. Adv.
Visitor What's that new structure
on the hill there?
Farmer Well, If I find a tenant for
it, it's a bungalow; if I don't it's a
barn. Passing Show.
Valuable formulu, Tricki, Illations,
and HnJ"ho!d Hints in our Interesting
matraztnt for two issues, bent
;i; ioc
0n,t))et? for -
Jekc A O., 32 Chamber i
Comnwti, Portland. Ors.
P. N. V.
No. 4. 1111
I WHEI writes? eo Wtarttarsv tie gsta. I
" tie, tale pager.
(Copyright, 1915, by the McClure Newspa
. per Syndicate.)
Tom Whiteford, once known among
Mb friends as the gay and light
hearted, began to feel .hat his way
of life lay through the proverbial long
lane that has no turning. Further
more, it seemed that behind every
mile post by the roadside there lurked
some form of hard luck. Just at the
time when his business prospects
seemed to Justify his proposing to the
dearest 'girl in the world, otherwise
known as Betty Underwood, the war
scare knocked him out of two of his
biggest advertising contracts; a big
firm at the last minute switched its
contract to his least-suspected com
petitor, and just as he had cinched
the contract for a gigantic mail order
campaign for another firm there came
out a wordy postal ruling making it
impossible to use postage stamps for
the double purpose of stamping and
sealing, without which Tom's unique
mailing proposition lost one of its
chief charms, and he could not inter
est the firm in any of his numerous
suggestions for a substitute.
Soon after all these business mis
haps he went for a week-end houBe
party at Hillcrest Lodge, the home
of Betty's bachelor uncle, George
Wilson. There he was thrown still
deeper into despair by seeing Betty
accept with evident willingness the
chivali;lc attentions of one Charles
Arthur Mowbray, a tall, dark, dreamy
eyed young man, said to have re
turned but recently from a long stay
in the Orient. As the son of her
uncle's oldest college chum, he was In
vited to Hillcrest Lodge, where his
delineation of the legends of the Ori
ent was a chief entertainment feature
for Betty and some of the other girls
in the house party. Added to this
young man's charm of appearance and
conversation was the appealing way in
which he occasionally made reference
between heavy sighs to a tragic ro
mance In his own life while In the
"Another legend, I have no doubt,"
thought Tom when he heard the story.
"When a good-looking chap backs up
his own tale of woe with a lot of ro
mantic stuff about some faraway land
It puts a halo around his head for
every girl who listens to him." ,
The morose mood brought on by
such reflections did not enable Tom to
shine in comparison with the easy,
suave, flattering chivalry of Mowbray.
And Betty, being young and pretty
and fond of novelty and flattery, was
visibly impressed. It seemed to Tom
that no matter where he turned he
found this man with Betty sitting out
dances with her in the evening, walk
ing in the garden with her In the
morning, sitting beside her at lunch
eon, and at all times pouring out in
that deep but' subdued voice legends,
legends, legends.
"I'll bet he's a crook for sure," said
Jack Chisholm as they packed their
suitcases Sunday night preparatory to
returning to town. "When a fellow
purrs like a cat I always look out for
cat's claws to show themselves sooner
or later."
Tom refrained from the profane ac
quiescence he felt with merely,
"Should not be surprised."
He had made up his mind to have a
few minutes alone with Betty before
he left, and he hurried downstairs aft
er his packing to find her one of an in
terested group listening to yet another
legend of Mowbray's. When the story
ended the talker was drawn into a
conversation with his host and Tom
lost no time In capturing Betty.
"I've scarcely had a glimpse of you,
Betty," he said. "May I steal you
away from the others long enough to
show you "the prettiest October moon
on record?" Out on the broad porch
Betty clapped her hands rapturously
as she saw the great golden disk hang
ing just above the horizon and throw
ing weird shadows through the bare
"Oh, isn't It lovely?" she exclaimed.
"Lovely enough to have an oriental
setting instead of commonplace mod
ern landscape gardening and archi
tecture." "Commonplace! Gee whiz, Betty,"
protested Tom, "look at that sweep
of brown fields on the left and that
mass of tree-studded hills in the
right, and this big, comfy home on
the highest hill of them all. Anything
commonplace about It all?"
"There Is a certain rugged beauty
about it," agreed Betty, "but It
doesn't suggest romantic legends like
oriental lands must do."
"Oh, I don't know," said Tom, who
had learned from his advertising work
not to let any personal anger get in
the way of landing a contract and
he realized that he was now trying
for the most important contract he
ever hoped to land. "Can't you im
agine some Iroquois maiden and her
heap big hunter trysting hereabout
when It was the land of the red man?
You know, we're too busy leading
lives today to concern ourselves
much with legendry, but In its own
good time our land will have its leg
ends." "But isn't it a pity that ours is such
a prosy age?" asked Betty.
"Prosy? But is it? Modern men
are fighting dragons .and conquering
difficulties as never before."
Betty did not reply and a moment
later Tom continued. "The same old
moon that shines on those faraway
lands condescends to shine on ours,
and not quite the same, but a better
sort of love grows up In the hearts
of our men for our women. Betty, I
hadn't meant to tell you yet, but my
heart is bursting with love for. you.
I'm fighting dragons for you every
day. When I've conquered enough of
them to take care of you safely, will
you let me claim you?"
Betty'B eyes were dreamy and her
bands were unresisting as Tom took
them in his own, but just as she be
gan to lift her eyes to meet Tom's de
vouring gaze the hall door opened and
the tall, slender figure of Mowbray
emerged. With catlike swiftness be
saw the couple at the end of the
porch, and with cat-like silence he ap
proached until quite near them. Thea
in his purring voice he reminded Bet
ty that she had promised to play his
accompaniment while he sang "Be
side the Shilamar."
Betty and her mother remained at
Hillcrest after the other guests de
parted, and Monday evening after din
ner, when the ladies had finished their
coffee in the library, George Wilson
lighted a fresh cigar and joined them
"Well, we've seen the last of our
oriental guest, I hope," he began, and
Betty shot him a surprised look from
where she sat toasting her toes before
the wood fire. "You see, Mowbray
came into my office last week with a
tale about being here to get local
color for a novel in preparation, and
while I saw at once that he was not
without weaknesses, 1 didn't suspect
tha,t he was the degenerate I've since
learned he is. His faultless manners
were- sa like his father's . that I as
sumed he had some of the deeper good
traits of his father, and so invited him
out here. His evident uneasiness
when I mentioned Judge Morton's hav
ing recently come here from his home
city convinced me that he wouldn't
care to have Morton tell what he
might know about his home life. I
made it my business to make inquiries
today about Mowbray of Judge Mor
ton, who is a professional associate
of mine." George Wilson flicked tho
ashes from his cigar into the ash tray
on the arm of his chair.
"And were your suspicions well
founded?" asked Mrs. Underwood,
i "Yes, and I mention it only because
it will forewarn you and Betty not to
be at home should he call. After
spending his widewed mother's money
Mowbray married a girl who had
a snug little fortune. Their bridal
trip to the Orient, which was to equip
him with the material his genius was
later to weave into immortal poetry,
used up most of the fortune and se
riously impaired the health of the
wife, who died shortly after their re
turn. Soon after he married a widow
of means, who kicked him out after
supporting him in idleness for a while.
Then he went back and lay around
his mother's home until she died, and,
with the money secured from the sale
of her home he equipped himself for
social conquest, doubtless with the
expectation of Inducing some other
girl ttdevote her fortune to the de
velopment of his genius."
The telephone rang just then, and
George Wilson answered it himself.
Betty and her mother sat silently be
fore the fire and heard Wilson's part
of the conversation. i
"Hello. Good evening, Mr. ; Mow
bray. Yes, quite comfortable. Yes,
Miss Underwood and her mother are
both here, and I've just been telling
them a tale told me today by Judge
Morton, of whose ability to tell Inter
esting tales you doubtless know. No,
you're not Interrupting; the story had
been finished and our conclusions
drawn, and there will be no sequel to
it." The receiver clicked into its
holder and George Wilson returned
to his armchair by the fire. A few mo
ments later he addressed Betty.
"Betty, I've been Interested for
years in Indian folklore, and my
clients, the Brown and Martin Real
Estate company, have finally got a
clear title to that large tract of land
known as the Iroquois Triangle, and
supposed to have been the scene of
many a wild Indian escapade. They
purpose to divide it into small tracts
for residence and to enhance Its value
by weaving some of my Indian folk
lore into their advertising. Wouldn't
you and your mother like to motor
through that country with us tomor
row and help fit the folklore into the
landscape, as it were?"
"Oh, we'd love It, wouldn't we,
mother?" To which the mother re
plied in the affirmative, and asked how
many others the party would include.
"Just Mr. Martin of the real estate
company and Tom Whiteford, who
mailed the contract today for the ad
vertising." And it was on that motor trip that
Tom's long lane that had seemed to
have no turning turned abruptly Into
a lane that led to success and happi
ness and Betty.
It Lacks the Punch.
Imported lit burger cheese, that fra
grant viand whose slightest whiff
causes strong men' to turn away, has
been bottled up In Germany by the
British embargo, and thousands of
German-Americans are Inconsolable.
Here In this country the factories are
turning out a cheese which is called
llmburger, but although it is reminis
cent of the winter quarters of a me
nagerie and suggests the recently va
cated kitchen of a Chinese boarding
house, it still lacks the essential
punch, eays a New York correspond
ent of the Pittsbur3h Dispatch. Real
llmburger must instant'y recall a tan
yard in July or a private drain pipe
of a fertilizing Btudlo. American llm
burger is lacking In both particulars.
One of the most reprehensible fea
tures of the American product is its
complete inertia. Where the old
cheese, over a level surface and with
favorable winds, could travel half a
block over night, the 1915 model bare
ly Btirs. Even in hot weather,
which used to send the Imported ar
ticle skidding on its way, the substi
tute just trembles violently and sticks
around. It is entirely unemotional
It has no temperament.
Making Good.
"How's your new preacher getting
along V
"First rate."
"His theology is acceptable, then?"
"I don't know anything about his
theology, but his looks please the
women of his congregation and his
game ot golf Is highly spoken of by
the men."
Its Name.
'What do you think Nellye calls
the album with her admirers' photo
graphs in It?"
"Her 'him' book."
For Both.
"This Is strange. Here Is an aviary
built beside a hangar."
"Oh, that's all right. The hangar
Is for the airship and the aviary for
the blrdmen."
Largest Direct-Current Dynamos.
The largest two direct-current dy
namos ever built have been completed
in Germany, each with a capacity of
about fifty thousand lt-candl poww
, rgSlong the
; , 1
THE quaint, delightful coast coun
try of Cornwall, a favored haunt
of peace and quietness, yet
where some of the most im
portant English naval stations
are now busy, is described for the Na
tional Geographic society by Florence
Craig Albrecht. At points along this
coast, England holds concentrated
great battle fleets. Here, west of
Lands End, are the Scllly islands, and,
beyond Cornwall, further up the chan
nel, lies Plymouth, military harbor and
great naval base. The charm of this
old-fashioned, picturesque land of
fisher folk and peasants Is told by
Mrs. Albrecht, who explored its coast
before war clouds recalled a martial
stir to Cornwall, for the society in the
following bulletin:
"Here are rock and headland and
cliff, now green, now golden with
gorse, now bare and rugged; inlet bay
and harbor, with here and there an
Isolated house, a tiny village, a pre
tentious town, a great port. An un
friendly coast? Yes, with heavy seas
and winds, with thick sea-fogs a dan
gerous one; rocks ever ready to tear
holes In the stoutest vessel, currents
ever ready to drive them on. But a
picturesque coast; a wonderfully beau
tiful coast, both upon summer days
and in winter storms; a coaBt with
many harbors, none too easy of en
trance by reason of rocks and tides,
and many Impossible for any but the
smallest craft."
All Have Splendid Memories.
There are splendid memories re
maining to all of these ports, the wri
ter says, for too many fleets have
sailed up and down the channel since
history began not to have visited all
these places with the task of making
history. Fishing fleets have kept the
foreground of the picture through lat
ter years, but signs of war prepara
tion have never been absent from
Cornwall's waters and huge squadrons
of grim, gray men-of-war have regu
larly come and gone and gathered
there. The writer tells of Penzance,
the sunny pleasure-loving little sea
city where the most picturesque 'of
pirate types originated; of Newlyn,
the home of the true old sort of fish
ermen, and the Mecca of artists; of
Marazion, the old, which, according to
Cornish history, was an important city
visited by Phoenician merchants in
the days of Ezekiel the prophet; ot
Fowey, once one of the greatest sea
ports of the land, which sent scores
of boats to the crusades, to the siege
of Calais, to the plundering of Nor
mandy, a one-time warlike city whose
glory has long since faded. Fowey
sent more than twoBcore men-of-war
to Calais 770 men. How pitifully
small are the figures today, when one
modern battleship requires a larger
than did that fleet 450 years ago.
t . ::,.y,.'-1f...-i'.f:v.-.y,,'.J
Cliffs near
Insane Man, as Strict Sabbatarian,
Could Not Think of "Working"
on Sunday.
Orvllle L. Klpllnger, chaplain of the
Michigan City (Ind.) reformatory, tells
the following instance of a scrupulous
"Some years ago an Insane patient
was given to the immodest, not to say
expensive, habit of tearing his cloth
ing from him and converting jeans,
ticking, denlra or whatever the clothes
were made of, Into carpet rags.
"The prison physician remonstrated
with the shredding nut as follows:
"'Say, old man, you're certainly
making a lot of unnecessary trouble
for us. We don't think It's fair.
Wouldn't you like to make money?'
"The Insane man , emphatically
averred his willingness to earn ready
"'Well, I'll tell you what I'll do," re
sumed the doctor. 'I will give you ten
cents every day you don't tear your
clothes off. Kb?'
?. .... .... ffy 1 i
, :Wrr?i i
Not fifty ships of modern type could
find place In Fowey harbor today, but
for smaller craft submarine destroy
ersIt affords admirable shelter.
' Polperro Is Picturesque.
To the eastward of Fowey is Pol
perro, the most picturesque, the most
unspoiled of Cornish flBhlng ports, re
taining all Its ancient dignity of life
and labor unfluttered by summer
villas now beginning to crowd tho
cliffs above Its head. Polperro's chief
catch is mackerel, crabs and conger.
There are few, if any, conger-eel In
American waters; they are to some
people a most unpleasant-looking fish,
Cornwall esteems them highly and
makes them into pie with much cream
and parsley.
Cornwall, Mrs. Albrecht explains,
makes any number of things into pie
and calls the product Invariably
"squab pie," though all things but
squabs are among the materials.
"Squab pie" gave rise to the following
Cornish story repeated by the writer:
"The devil came one day to the
banks of the Tamar, the rippling river
that divides Devon and Cornwall, and
looked over at. the rocky land beyond.
His majesty considered the swift cur
rent and shook bis head. 'No!' he
said finally. 'No, that's no place for
me! Everyone who goes there Is
turned into a saint and everything
else into squab pie. I'm fit for neither
one nor the other.' And he stayed in
Just beyond the Cornwall bound
ary Is Plymouth ot Mayflower mem
ory, a city which has never allowed
her growing commerce to interfere
with her position as a fortress of the
first class and a naval arsenal. Ports
mouth, considerably further east upon
this coast, is also a strong fortress
and an important garrison town, and
its great dockyards and repairing
docks are likely over-busied now In
the work of "keeping the sea that is
the wall ot England."
Substitute for Rubber.
Successful attempts have recently
been made to manufacture a substitute
for rubber tubing' out of masses of
solidified glue. These tubes are even
better than those of rubber for certain
purposes, according to Technlsche
MonatBhefte, since they are more Im
pervious to gases and more resistant
to heat. It is also clamed that they
do not grow rotten so quickly as rub
ber, and that when incased in a suit
able envelope they will withstand high
pressure. Moreover, they are very
cheap. The Inventor Is Prof. J. Traube,
and he states that they are peculiarly
suited for conductors ot petroleum and
gasoline as well as gases. However,
they are attacked by water, which ob
viously limits their uses.
"The offender assented eagerly, and
started in to make good. Tuesday
his clothes remained Intact; Wednes
day, ditto; Friday and Saturday the
same. His reformation was the talk
of the institution.
"But on Sunday morning the gar
ments the crazy man had worn all
week were torn into strips and thrown
ti) the four winds of his cell.
" 'What docs this mean?' asked the
indignant physician. '1 thought I bad
you hired to keep your clothes on and
be good!'
" 'Well,' said the prisoner, Innocent
ly, 'you didn't suppose I was going to
work on Sunday, did you?' "Judge.
Another Solution.
"I have solved one problem. I won't
have a lot ot soiled dishes on hand
when my wife gets home."
"How's that?"
"I've broken most ot 'em.
Teacher-"Wbat a tiny little chap
your brother is." Tommy "I guess
that's 'cause he's only my bait broliv
the dough
You may use an old favorite recipe
- careiuiiy, tne oven may De just right, yet you will have a failure if -The
Power behind the Dough" is not the right one to leaven it properly
ana nuute u ugm, aigestmie, wnoiesome.
Good baking without good baking
" v."Tf' wuuuciiiu
u ura uowi ana u mo oveo
Take no chanctt
and have "good
At au
No Longer Responsible.
The dangers of travel by sea at this
time have played havoc with the
nerves of timid passengers.
Early one morning recently there
was considerable commotion on the
decks of a coastwise vessel plying be
tween Savannah and Baltimore, when
a scantily clad man hurried from his
stateroom and dashed toward the up
per deck. On the way he ran into
the captain of the vessel.
"What's the matter, captain?" he
managed to gasp. "Have we been tor
pedoed?" "Calm yourself, my dear sir, and be
prepared for the worst," answered the
"Oh, don't tell me we're going
down!" moaned the other. "Quick,
where are the life preservers?"
"They wouldn't be of any service at
this stage," explained the captain. .
"Too late?" quavered the despair
ing passenger.
"Yes," said the captain, solemnly.
"We've done all we can for you. You'll
have to look out for yourself from now
on. You see, we've just tied up to
the dock."
In treating wounds containing dirt,
always wash them out with warm soft
water and eastlle soap, drying before
applying Hanford's Balsam of Myrrh.
No Warning.
Petro had drifted down to Florida
and was working with a gang at rail
road construction. He had been told
to beware of rattlesnakes, but assured
that they would always give the warn
ing rattle before striking.
One hot day he was eating his noon
luncheon on a pine log when he saw
a big rattler coiled a few feet in front
of him. He eyed the serpent and be
gan to lift his legs over the log. He
barely got them out of the way when
the snake's fangs hit the bark beneath
"Sun of guna!" yelled Petro, "why
you no rlnga da bell?"
nT HealUiy, Strong, Deantlfal Bye
Oculists amirehyslelnua used Murlue Kje
Remedy many years before It was offered as a
Dumestlo Eye Medicine, llurlne ie Still Com
pounded by Our Physicians and guaranteed
by them as a Reliable Belief for Eyes that Need
Care. Try It in your Ejes and In Baby's Eyes
No Smarting Just Bye Comfort. Buy Murine
of your Druggist accept no Substitute, and If
Interested writ for Book of the Eye Free.
Illuminating Comparison. -
She entered the department store
and complained about a lamp she had
purchased, demanding that it be taken
i "What's the matter with it, mad
am?" "It has all the faults of my husband,
and none of his virtues."
"Please explain yourself."
"Well, it has a good deal of brass
about it; it is remarkably brilliant;
requires a great deal of attention; is
unsteady on its legs, flares up occa
sionally; Is always out at bedtime,
and Is bound to smoke."
WRITE ST0RIFS! For Movl"i' Pr-
niXHL OIUIUU. auwrspny from Sv!5 to S10O
each for Photoplays. Interesting and fascinatine-.
No experience nccesHary. Work in spare time.
Full particulars Free. Purack Specialty Co., 329
Chamber of Commerce, Portland, Ore.
Polite Substitution.
"What makes you keep sayin', 'Oh,
War! Oh, War!'" asked the paper
hanger. "Don't you know a synonym when
you hear it?" asked the man who had
just moved into a new house.
"Is that one?"
"Certainly. Everybody knows what
war is. I just hit my thumb with a
hammer and I dasn't use profanity
around the house." Washington Star.
Hanford's Balsam has been success
fully used since 1846. As a liniment
for domestic animals It is unsurpassed.
Proves Itself.
"You must never forget, my boy,
that about one-third of all success 1b
pure lnck."
"But how can you make sure of this
"Why, by being successful,"
An Expert
"That new coach of ours Is one of
the greatest football strategists in the
"How do you make that out? The
team hasn't won a game this year."
'"I know, but he can think up more
reasons why we don't win than any
man I ever saw."
In Fashion.
"I have never owned any automo
biles," said the man who hadn't yet
paid for his home, "but I can say one
thing in praise of them."
"What is that?" Inquired Hender
son. "Thev have made mnrtpneo r.
spectable." Judge.
Mn. Addl Curltlnttr, ot
Ctdar it, Cairo, III., wmtt
Doctor Pluto u hllowt t
"I send 81 cento for your 'Com
mon Sense Medical Adviser' for
my daughter who has recently
married and 1 k now tho book will
beof much value to her. lhave
read and used fur it years the
valuable treatments contained
In the "Medical Adviser and
have taken many bottles of Dr.
Pierce's Favorite PreeerlDtieB.
and have been restored to health
each time 1 used It. It is a great
remedy for women aea strenath
ouuaer, nne tor tag
general health.''
and the best of materials and make it
powder is out of the question.
leavenins power, and ihe daub
maKei good lesulu doubly cerlaio.
of failun us K C
lack" toary tint:
Congressman Takes Money.
Patrolman Patrick J. Walsh of the
South Englewood station, Chicago,
was looking for some young trees to
plant around his bungalow. Near
there -he came across a man clad In
khaki, seemingly a laborer, hard at
work in a grove.
"I'd like to have a few of these
young trees," said Walsh.
"Help yourself," replied the man in
Walsh uprooted several trees. He
said he would like to leave them there
until tomorrow, and the other replied
that would be all right.
"Fine!" exclaimed Walsh. "For
whom shall I ask?" and he handed a
quarter to the man in khaki.
"James R. Mann."
Representative Mann of the Secoud
Illinois congressional district, minori
ty leader in the house, pocketed the
quarter as a souvenir.
btcatue the entire tytttm
become$ permeated with
injuriotu acids.
To relieve rheumatism Scott's
Emulsion is a double help; it is
rich in blood-food; it imparts
strength to the functions and sup
plies the very oil-food that rheu
matic conditions always need.
Scott a Emulsion has
helped countless thousands
when other remedies failed.
No Alcohol Rehn Sibititatet.
Well Supplied.
"I'll take two cards," said the man
on the right of the dealer.
"Three for me," said the next man.
The dealer gave each one what he
had asked for and then picked up his
own hand and looked it over.
i'Tve got enough," ho announced as
he cast a proprietary look on the chips
in the middle ot the table.
"I should say you have got enough,"
remarked the man opposite. "Count
ing the two you've got up your sleeve
and the three that are sticking out of
your shoe, it looks to me as if you've
got enough to play the game all by
yourself. But before you do so I'm
sure you won't mind if the rest of us
take our chips out of this jackpot."
If your horse goes lame, rub on and
rub in thoroughly Hanford's Balsam,
A Careless Person.
Lawyer Judge, I want you to fine
this man who was knocked down by
my client's car.
Judge Fine him? Why?
Lawyer He had a nail in his
clothes and it punctured a new tire.
Topeka Journal.
Perfectly Willing.
"That boy of ours Is a lazy, good-for-nothing
loafer," growled the head
of the family. "He doesn't seem to
want to do anything at all."
"Why, Father!" said the boy's moth
er, reproachfully, "you do Alfred an
injustice. You know as well as I do
that he said It you'd buy an automo
bile he'd be only too glad to drive It."
Let us tell you FREE of 24 new waya to make
money. It may tie the beKinninir of financial in
dependence. Addrt'BS, Puriu-k Specialty Co., 3'di
Chamber of Commerce, Portland, Ore.
Quite Likely.
"I can't understand it," said the fair
customer in the shoe store. "You say
these are No. 4s, and they pinch
dreadfully. The pair I had before
wcr 3s and they never gave me any
"tt'inaps the 3s were marked
down," suggested the salesman.
When a horse is calked in deep
snow, apply Hanford's Balsam of
Myrrh. It will quickly relieve. Adv,
Horrible Mistake.
The New Maid If you please, mum,
these flowers come for you w'en you
was out, an' I put 'em In water.
The Mistress Good heavens, girl!
What have you done? Why, that's
my new hat! London Sketch.
Scares 'em.
"How did you get rid of that life
Insurance agent so quickly?"
"Oh, I'm always prepared for those
fellows. I keep a large bottle of cod
liver oil In plain sight on my desk,
and when an agent calls I greet him
with a hollow cough."
WOMEN who are restless, with
constant change of position, ' fidget
iness," who are abnormally excitable or who
experience fainting or dizzy spells, or nervous
headache and wakefulness are usually sufferers
from the weaknesses of their sex.
Favorite Prescription
Is the soothing, cordial and womanly tonic that
brings about an invigorating calm to the nervous
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Tour dealer In medlclnee Bella It In Squid or eager
coated tablet form: or you ean send 60one-cent ataatpe
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tablets. Address Dr. V. M. tierce, invalids' Uotel
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Dr. Pierce's Plauaai Fellett Refalste uj lavlfaraie
Steetece, liver sad level, Sefar-Ceeted Tan fiaaalu.