Image provided by: Hood River County Library District; Hood River, OR
About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 14, 1914)
t OULTRY and Dairy Produce of til kind! wanted. Writ (or out CASH OFFER Pearson-Page Co. TYPEWRITERS, ALL MAKES Lara, assortment, Hpe- cIbI 1'rlc... KEMMUON a. SMITH PREMIF.R. 115 lis. Machine ehlnued on I J approval and iurin V ' by Homo concern, r ."d Wriu 'or ""Pi o' Htar work, etatlng make NoO 11 preferred. TTPEWRJTEH EXCHANGE, 351 1 WuL Si., Portlaoo, Or. NEW HOTEL HOUSTON Dave Houston, Prop. H. B. Thoranoa, Mgr. Thoroughly modern, 101 Rooms of comfort. Mod- erate Prtcee, Three mlnulee' walk from Union Depot. WrlU for ratoa. 72 N. SUA Su NRTLAMO, 01 SUCCESS Depends Upon Your Training Our couraea In Shorthand, Pan manehlp, businwa Training and Telegraphy will equip you for a aueceaaful bualnew career. FALL TERM SEPTEMBER 7. BUSINESS COLLEGE. Fourth SUeet, Near Morrison, Portland, Or. We Guarantee Position" for All Our Graduates. Write Us, No Trouble to Answer. BUCK LEG LOSSES SURELY PREVENTED by Cutter's Bliokl.1 rim. Low. priced, freih, reliable; preferred bl WMtern tunkmen beetle, thee .re- teet where ether vaeelnee fell. Write for booklet end teetlmonl.li. 10-dele ,kee. Bluklel Pint 11-09 SO-doee ekee. Bleeklel Pllle 4.00 TJ. any Injector, but Cutter's beet Tho lunerlnrlrr of Cutter nroriurta 1. due to fear, of epeelelTtlnr In vaeelnee and serums only. In.lat en di'tar'. Tf unnhlntn.hl nrder dlrec-t. THE CUT-TER LABORATORY, Berkeley, Cllllornll A giddy young maiden named Whltten Acted frivolously like a kitten. A young man named Green, Wanted her for his queen, But In answer she gave him the mitten, I could tolerate the butcher And the orders that he brings, If he wasn't temperamental And bo fond of cutting things. Jobs you can have: Working on one of those trawlers whose duty It Is to discover German mines In the North sea. YOUR OWN DMJOGIST WILL TELL YOU Try Murine Eye itemeriy for Red, Weak, Watery Byes and Granulated Eyelids; No Smarting jusWKye Comfort. Write for Book of the Eye by mail Free, at urine Eye itemeay (jo., Chicago. The theaters and the weather man seem to have a well-defined working agreement The rose by another name: the kais er calls the recent retreat of his ar mies a "practical maneuver." Or ' It was a temDerance cantata. "A Su loonless Nation," and yet the musical score was full of oars. In its probe of wireless wrecks the government will pull all the wires pos sible. War is going to kill off the derby hat, a report says. That's bringing It right to headquarters. IN STERLING LIVES A GIRL Who Suffered As Many Girls Do Tells How She Found Relief. Sterling, Conn. "I am a girl of 22 years and 1 used to faint away every I month and was very weak. I was also bothered a lot with female weakness. read your little book 'Wisdom for Wo men,' and I saw how others had been helped by Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegeta ble Compound, and decided to try it, and it has made me feel like a new girl and I am now relieved of all these troubles. I hope all young Cirls will get relief as I have. I never felt better in my life. "-Miss BeuthaA. Peloquin, Box 116, Sterling, Conn. Massena, N. Y. "I have taken Ly- dia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and I highly recommend it If anyone wants to write to me I will gladly tell ber about my case. I was certainly in B bad condition ets my blood was all turn ing to water. I had pimples on my face and a bad color, and for five years I had been troubled with suppression. The doctors called it 'Anemia and Exhaus tion,' and said I was all run down, but Lydia E. Pinkham a Vegetable Com pound brought me out all right" Miss La VISA Myres, Box 74, Massena, N. Y. Young Girls, Heed This Advice. Girls who are troubled with painful or irregular periods, Backache, headache, dragging-down sonsations, fainting pells or indigestion, should immediately seek restoration to health by taking Ly dia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, P. N. U. No. 41, 1914 WHEN writing to adrertleera. pla tioa Iku pnp-r. r rst-'aZ' -ofi- t DEAL HUBBIES THESE FINDING OF TWO MEN WHO MET AND COMPARED NOTE8. Respective Helpmeets Assure Them selves That They Hive Captured Prlzel In the Matrimonial 8ea Have Theyt Mra, McFee and my wife are bosom friends; that Is, they are close friends; or, at least, my wife is close. They are as bosomy bosom friends as It Is pos sible for friends to be, remembering as we do that the Siamese twlni were the only successful, sure-enough bosom friends that ever lived. And belnt such friends, they often have either McFee or me on the grill. Strange to record, each one insists she captured an Ideal husband, yet each thinks the choice of the other unwarranted. Peculiar creatures, wom en; well, curious, at any rate. Mrs. McFee says an Ideal husband la one that never wears out Meaning bis affections, obviously, My major fraction adds to this: One that never wears out his clothes. Meaning that thereby he has more money with which to buy his wife shimmering, sun-showing slits. Remarks one: The Ideal husband never complains at expense. Sub Joins the other: Only his own. Says one: The Ideal hUBband will stand the acid test. And comes the acquiescent amendment: Even when the acid Is In Ills coffee. (Well, some might be glad to.) The Ideal husband, take It from one of the wives, never makes his wife feel small, except to quote the other when he promises to keep her in his mind while she is on her vaca tion. They agree on this: The ideal hus band Is rare. And McFee and I are ideal hus bands! He and I sat together the other night and compared notes. He told me what hi3 She told him and my She told her of me, and I told him what my She told me his She told her of him. And then we swapped yarns of what our She told us of the other's He, and what our She told ub of our selves. We began the session with in epigram, broadened it to a squib, widened it to a short story, and length sned it to a serial, to be continued at euch times as we felt the need of rest from the domestic entanglements. We have proceeded far enough with the theBis to be able to get its gist. Simply, we are merely married men. To avoid quarrels and discussions, we let our wives have their own way. Our wives are wise wives. Frequently they flaunt the battle flag; then we yield Instantly. That's what makes an ideal hus band or else one of them does not know anything about it. Ideal hus bands may be rare, but they are not rare long. Their wives usually and quickly do them brown to a turn Judge. Chlmee at Night. There Is one nocturnal noise which moBt of us, when we hear It, contrive to tolerate. That man would have no music In his soul who should grumble at the ringing of the midnight chimes. Do you remember the experience of 'Henry Ryecroft?" "I once passed a night in a little market town where I had arrived tired and went to bed early. I slept forthwith, but was pres ently awakened by I know not what; in the darkness there sounded a sort of music, and, as my brain cleared, I was aware of the soft chiming of church bells. Why, what hour could it be? I struck a light and looked at my watch. Midnight. Then a glow cama over me. 'We have heard the chimes at midnight Master Shallow!' Never till then had I heard them. And the town in which I slept was Eve saw, but a few miles from Stratford- on-Avon." From the London Chron icle. "Our Books the Best of Us." George Meredith said this, refusing an Interviewer who wished to account of his personality to the public. May not the nation as a whole echo the saying T The books that the nation gives to the world are the best of It- when Indeed the books are true ones; and alas! when they are the other sort, shall not he whose pen was con cerned regret that he sided with the worst of his countrymen? Here is why the Anglo-Saxon may stand firm In hope. Whatever the faults of in sularity, provincialism, of spread eaiileism or whatever you will, the great books written in the English language speak the best of these na tions, and give reassurance of that which lies at the heart of each. Mary Stanhope. Activities of Women. Russia has over 40 female priests. St Louis has a woman's law college. The Japanese newspapers employ many women. Women are most preferred as mili tary spies. Three women of France have vol unteered to serve in the aviation corps. They are experienced avia- trices, holding pilot's licenses, and two of them Mile. Marvingt and Helen Dutrlen have done scout duty since war was declared. Among the prominent American women who are assisting in Red Cross work in France are: Mrs. W. K. Van- derbilt who has a private hospital In Paris; Mrs. Van Allen Shields, Mrs. Potter Palmer, Mrs. Caroline Frank and Mra. Clarence H. Mackay. TALKING OF POOR MEMORIES There Wii Resemblance, But It Was Not Exictly Flattering to the In quisitive Lawyer, They wore talking about poor mem ories at a smokofest in Washington recently when this story was told by Capt. John H. Glennon, of the United States navy. Among the witnesses in a civil suit that was tried In the Lone Star State some time ago was an elderly woman. During the recital of her testimony she was BBked to recall the appear ance of a certain party. "I can't do It!" answered the wit ness. "He has been dead more than three years." "You can't do it!" Irritably returned the attorney. "If your memory Is so bad that you can't go back three yeara let's try to refresh It Now think again! Did the party referred to look anything like meT" "Why, yes," answered the witness, with a brightened expression, "when I come to think about it he did have the same sort of a vacant look on bli face." Philadelphia Telegraph. NOTHING DOING. -Is Woodson So your son Is a lawyer now. I trust ho has a long and nut, ored career before him. Brotison Well, it promises to b( long. At any rate, there's nothint 'brief" about It so fnr. An Explanation. "Every now and then we read about a lot of quail following a hen up tht road," said the summer boarder. "Yes," replied Farmer Corntoseel. "How do you explain It?" "Various ways. Sometimes the phe nomenon Is due to' the fact that lots ol people don't know the difference be tween a quail and a young brown leg horn." Humane Suggestion. Suburbanite (phoning to neighbor at 2 a. m.) This you, Jones? Say, your dog Is in a bad way. Neighbor (angrily) What do you mean by that? Suburbanite Why, he's been crying for the last hour; don't you think you'd better get up and walk the gar den with him? Puck. Reassured by Bill, Mrs. Casey Och, Pat, whin the doc ther told yez ye had something wid Latin name to it a yar'rd long dldn it scare yez? Casey Shure an' it did, Norah. But whin he only charged me a dollar for It I knew It didn't amount to much. BoBton Transcript. Thrift. Settlement Worker (visiting tene ments) And your father is working now and getting $14 a week? That1 splendid! And bow much does he put away every Saturday night, my dear dear? Little Girl Never more than three; quarts, ma'am! Puck. Inconsolable. Dear Friend Try to console your self, my dear. Remember that your late husband was very, very old, and he left you a fortune, you know. Young Widow Yes; but it was on on condition that I should nev never marry again. New York Weekly. Different Gorge. "How about the beautiful gorge you advertised ?" "Yonder it is," said the landlord. "Did you ever see a more wonderful ravine?" "Bah! I thought a gorge meant great big meal." Kansas City Journal Would Solve the Problem. "I wish I knew how to mako Dora popular with her set," mourned mam ma. "Well," said papa, "I suppose I'll have to buy an automobile and let her learn to drive it." Sure It Was Wasted. "You say the man who attempted to swindle you was a man of wasted cheek? The prisoner is a fat man.1 "Yep, but that's him. I only meant his cheek was wasted on me. One of Nature's Laws. "Doctor, according to what law do the germs propagate and destroy hu man life?" "Through the law of eminent pto maine. Rather Scared. "Did that war correspondent write the articles he said he was going to Indite on the field?" "No, but I believe he made some running notes." (1 oLU-A, t- m mi rVHEN CALMNESS GOES TALCS OF EXCITEMENT THAT AO COMPANY A FIRE. Old Man Peaslee'i Story Probably the Beit of Good Ones Related After tho Conflagration Had Been 8ubdued, The little village of Dllmouth had Buffered from fire Ethan Nudd'i low er barn, where be bad stored hli farm ing tools, had burned flat, and a large part of the community had gathered about the ruins. The men were busily recounting their own exploits, and vig orously criticizing the behavior of othera who had gone home. Jed Glp- ion was speaking. It reelly takes a tire to bring out the last mite of foolishness there li a man," he asserted, with convic tion. "F'r Instance, did any of you folks notice one of them' Bentley twins, to see what he was doln'1 Didn't, hey? Well, I did, and he wai over at that dry well, south of the barn, with a pall and a rope, tryin' to get water out of It and there ain't been a drop of water In that well for more'n ten year!" "Sho, now, Jeddle!" soothed Mr Peaslee. "Don't be ha'sh In your Jcdg- ment. Mebbe the twin didn't know It was a dry well." "Course he knew it! scoffed Jed Impatiently. "That well went dry when Bentley blasted out for that deep well of his cut into the vein and sucked Nudd's well dry as an ash heap. No, sir! It's Jest as I tell you a Are brings out all the foolishness there is In a feller, and he'll do things there ain't a mite of sense In. You notice, and see if I ain't right." Bentley's twin didn't do all the foolish and useless things that was done there," broke in Wendall Cooper, for to my mind the capsheaf of fool ishness was when that passel of lunk heads from the lower road broke into the farther end of the barn and dragged out that old hayrack full ol bean straw. They got it Just outside the barn, and then they dropped the pole and left it there right where it would ketch. Course it wonld have burnt in the barn, but It wouldn't have burnt any quicker than it did where It was. They might Jest as well left it in the barn!" Here Caleb Peaslee's mild old voice Interrupted again. Under strain of excitement, same's at a fire," he observed, moderately "I've noticed. Jest as Jeddle says, that folks do things that mebbe they wouldn't do If they was ca'm, but I've noticed this besides and it don' seem to have struck Jeddle at all the things they do any time like that ain't things that hender or help much. That 1b to say, even if they do seem to be useless and foolish, the chances are they ain't right down hurtful they're Jest cases of poor Jedgment." He twirled his ash stick in hlB hand a moment and then went on again as If he had not stopped talking. Folks like that," he ruminated, as If to himself, "always put me in mind of old Aunt Dllly Peterby, the time her husband had that fit. Folks down on the river road heard her Bcreechln' and came up to see what the matter was, and they found Aunt Dilly bend- in' over him, ticklln' him underneath the chin with a Btraw. Doctor White was there, and he asked her what her Idea was, and Aunt Dilly told him that she reelly wa'nt sure what she was doln' it for. But,' says she, real decided for her, 'I wanted to do somethin', and knew that if that didn't do any good, it couldn t do a great deal of hurt.' Youth's Companion, The Cupboard Was Bare. The late Doctor Masters, who was formerly a missionary In Canton, China, afterward lived in Berkeley, Cal. His friend and fellow-missionary, Doctor Boone, returning on furlough was expected to arrive in San Fran cisco on a certain day. Doctor Mas ters crossed the bay to the city; he meant to meet Doctor Boone and his party, and, after spending the day In sightseeing, to take blm to dinner at a well-known restaurant. The steamer, however, had reached port earlier than had been expected and when Doctor Masters got to the dock his friends had left He made inquiries at the principal hotels, but could not find them. In order to notify his family In Berkeley of the neces sary change In plans. Doctor Masters sent them a telegram. Here Is the somewhat damaged message that Mrs Masters finally read: "Can't find the bones. Will come home to dinner." Youth's Companion Mysteries of Krypton. It Is usually supposed that at great heights the pressure of the air is al most negligible, but the application of an Ingenious method indicated by Ramsay glveB interesting results. Ho asserts that the green line character istic of the spectrum of krypton re mains visible under a pressure of 0.000035 millimeters of mercury. Now this green line is found In the spectrum of the aurora boreal Is and It seems to be well established that this exists frequently at altitudes between 100 and 200 miles, and even sometimes up to nearly 600 miles. But krypton is one of the heaviest gases in our atmosphere. It would teem, therefore, that the density of the air at these altitudes is by no means negligible, as, whatever the cause may be of the presence of kryp ton there, it could not remain there unless the air possessed an appre ciable density. WINCHESTER "mem m A Ask 8oeeaeoesocx8CP99oooeoreooooe. The Paper Strategist!. While the war lasts mathematical warriors will balance corps against corps and ship against ship In the newspaper columns, but in a real war all the paper strategy counts for noth ing. That poor little Prussia, in 1758, could not possibly make head against Austria, France, Russia, Sweden and Saxony was as demonstrable on paper as that two and two make four. But the Seven Years' war was decided by a factor quite outside the range of mathematics namely, by Frederick, with a vial of corrosive sublimate in his pocket, and In his heart a black determination to fight while he had a regiment left, and then commit sui cide. Revolutionary France had no show on paper, but In fact overran all Europe. In recent times our brush with Spain is the only war that has shown the least respect for the pro grams laid down for It in advance. It the Spanish army In Cuba had been capably led and really determined to fight the ending would have been the same, but the Btory would have been different If war could be determined on paper there would be no war, for a nation fights only when it haB Bome hope of winning. Snturduy Evening Post. W. L. DOUGLAS YOU CAN BAYS HONEY BY WEARING W. L. DOUGLAS SHOES. VorSl veAra W. L. Douvlae haa n-uarantMd the -value br having hla name and the retail price Bianipea on ens sole DBiore we inwi i.kvb we lac tory. Thla protect, the wearer affainet high price for inferior ahoea of other makeo. W. L. Doutflne .hoe. are alwaya wortb wliat you pay tor them, ir you oould are how oaretully W. L. Doiigl.1 ihoei are mede. and th. high erade leather, need, you would then nnderetand why they look better, nt better, hold their aliaue and wear longer than other make, for the price. If th. W. I Douirla. .hoe. are not for aale In your Tlclnlty, order direct from ractory. Shoe, lent every where. PoetaKe free In the U. S. Write Tor lllue (rated Citiilo.; iliowlnR how to order by mall. w l uuuuLJto, uu opara Bt.,nrouaion,aiaaa A War Dictionary. Destroying the morale Getting the enemy's goat. Evacuate a position To beat It. To delete To cut out. To reconnoiter To give the once over. A strategical maneuver To hotfoot it. Official news bureau The Ananias club. A bayonet charge A stick-up. A bombardment Tearing off the lid. A private dispatch Highly imagin ary fiction. The aviation corps Military high fliers. A moratorium I. O. U. 30 days longer. The arm chair strategists have con cluded some one miscalculated In the present war. Only one guess Is al lowed. Putnam Fadeless Dyes color in cold water. Give it Up. To the Editor In a fight between the Austrian battleship "Nyiercgyhazy Sczatmar" and the Japanese battle ship "Noguchl Hyuchimacuchi" which In your opinion would win? A SUBSCRIBER. The One Who Suffers. Figg The way of the transgressor is hard. Fogg Yes; but the trouble Is it is generally hard on somebody else. Boston Transcript. Shears to Rip Seams. Recently patented shears for rip ping seams work In the usual way but have vertical cutting edges that pro ject in opposite directions from the arms. Caught In the Act. Alkali Ike And so Slippery Sam died with his boots on, eh? Broncho Hill No, he died with my boots on. That's how he came to die. Boston Transcript. Nail-Holding Machine. For the convenience of carpenters, there has been invented a machine which, held In one hand, feeds nails into the position In which they are to be driven with a hammer held In the other. Taxes for Sanitation. Tbe Venezuelan government has de cided to use 1 per cent of the import duties collected for a fund for sanitary purposes. The dentists have discovered a new way to stop the pain. Perhaps they apply it when presenting their ML MEN'S I WOMEN'S M'! $2.50, $3, $3.60 Pil. l'J5, ,3'75,d$5uo4'50 rK Jifr $'22!, MM J'lilifcMCa $3.00U3.80JJi(tfXjfw w' Over AWH . ,'XaH Sim Smokeless Powder Shells "LEADER" and "REPEATER" The superiority of Winchester Smokeless Powder Shells is undisputed. Among intelligent shooters they stand first in pop ularity records and shooting qualities. Always use them for field or Trab Shooting. Your Dottier For Them. DENTAL HEADQUARTERS TOR OUT-Of-TOWN PEOPLE People from all pert of Oregon and Wiuhlnf ton constantly vUlt ou utile for dental treat ment. Our kill It ac knowledged, and our iiromptneea In ftnUh ing work In one day w hen required U appre ciated by out-of-Uiwa natrona. Dr. Wine la a falne. tooth expert. Thrre la ALWAYS ONE HHST in every calling, and Dr. Win lays claim to u. . ,J T 1 Wine lay. claim I -i, . ! t lhl, di.tincUcm n On t- - 1 n, 27 Wi' naaam wnat wo can't guai Ore- at ari tee we don't do. LOW I'KH'KS FOR HICII-GRADE WORK. Good Red Rubber Platre. each fo.M The Unit Red Rubber IMatn, wrh 7.ftfl 22-Kara! (.old or Porcelain Crown WISE DENTAL CO. RELIAlll.E PAINLESS DENTISTS. FKonea Main 2029, A 202. mVt Third Street. Failing Hldr.. Portland, Ongoa 8. E. Cor. Third and Wavbinston. Germany's Invisible Aeroplane. An Invisible aeroplane that may play no inconsiderable part In the Euro pean war was invented by a German, engineer and demonstrated shortly be fore the great conflict opened. In stead of having cloth fabric or other visible material used for covering, the planes this aeroplane is construct ed of a sort of transparent celluloid that is also fireproof. These celluloid wings let the light through, leaving only the light framework of the ma chine apparent, and when at a height of 3000 feet It Is practicably impossi ble to detect the aeroplane at all. The machine Is fitted with a silent motor, which is also valuable In enabling an airman scouting over an enemy's po sition to escape detection. A further' advantage Is that the aviator's view is not cut off by the planes. Ameri can Boy. You Can Get Allan'. iW-rae TRCC. .Write Allen S. Olmsted,! Boy, N. Y.,lor ree .ample of Allen's Foot-Ka.e. It curea metUlug. hot Bwolleu, aching feet. It niakea tew or tight ahoea easy, A certain. cure lol ninti. inifiowing nail, and bunion.. All drug (tain .oil it. U5c. Don't auoept any lubutituUl. Chicago's Good Example. Chicago reportB a marked revival of business during the last few days. Trades seriously hit by the European war are said to have shown a pro nounced activity and the Inference la that the tear which the beginning of hostilities occasioned and which im mediately oppressed business Is pass ing. It ought to be. Brooklyn Stand ard. Made In Aemrlca. The "made In America" Idea Is be ing eagerly seized by many of the re tail merchants in the city. In con spicuous positions in many stores are slgnB which ask the customer to re quest American-made goods, and to favor American productB bo far as the comparative qualities will permit, Boston Advertisers. A United StateB government engi neer has patented and dedicated to the public easily transported appara tus for mine rescue work in cases where the regular hoisting apparatus has been damaged. Helping Kidneys By Clearing Blood A Function Greatly Assisted By a Well-Known Remedy. I Moat renders will bo IntercntM to mor clearly understand why analysis of urlno la so Imporlunt. la tiie tme of M. K. K. to purify the blond, It. action la a stimulant to the myriad of line blood vessels thai mnke up tho constructive tissues of the kidneys. All the blood from all over tlx body must pass through the kidneys. They act as testers and ansuyers. And according to what they allow to pass out lit the urine, both as to quantity and materials, tho health of the kidneys and tbe quality of the blocd Is determined The catalytic energy forced by H. 8. H. Is shown la the urine. It Is also demon. frated la the skis. Ami as the blood continues to sweep throughi the kidneys the dominating nature of H. fl. K., acting as It docs through all tho avenues of elimination, shows a ai.rked decrease of dlaea.e manifestations at dem onstrated by urine analysis. This assist ance Is a great relief to the kidneys. Thsj body wastes are more avenly distributed to the emunctorles; their elimination la stim ulated by the tonic action afforded the liver, lungs, skin and kidneys. Thus, la cases of rheumatism, cystitis, chronic aore throat, huaklneas of mice, bronchitis, sath dii and the myriad of other reflet Indica tions of weak kidney action, first purify your blood with rl. H. ft., so it will ensbl the tissues to rebuild the cellular itrengtlt and regain the normal health. 8. 8. 8. Is prepared bv Ttie Swift Bpeclfls Co., 527 Swift Hldg., Atlanta, fla., and If you have any deep-seated or obstinate blond trouble, write to tuuir U.dlutl Ueyk luf frea advice. 3