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About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 14, 1914)
and Dairy Produce
of til kind! wanted. Writ (or out
TYPEWRITERS, ALL MAKES
Lara, assortment, Hpe-
cIbI 1'rlc... KEMMUON
a. SMITH PREMIF.R. 115 lis.
Machine ehlnued on
I J approval and iurin
V ' by Homo concern,
r ."d Wriu 'or ""Pi o'
Htar work, etatlng make
NoO 11 preferred.
TTPEWRJTEH EXCHANGE, 351 1 WuL Si., Portlaoo, Or.
NEW HOTEL HOUSTON
Dave Houston, Prop. H. B. Thoranoa, Mgr.
Thoroughly modern, 101 Rooms of comfort. Mod-
erate Prtcee, Three mlnulee' walk from Union
Depot. WrlU for ratoa. 72 N. SUA Su NRTLAMO, 01
Depends Upon Your Training
Our couraea In Shorthand, Pan
manehlp, businwa Training and
Telegraphy will equip you for a
aueceaaful bualnew career.
FALL TERM SEPTEMBER 7.
Fourth SUeet, Near Morrison, Portland, Or.
We Guarantee Position" for All
Write Us, No Trouble to Answer.
LOSSES SURELY PREVENTED
by Cutter's Bliokl.1 rim. Low.
priced, freih, reliable; preferred bl
WMtern tunkmen beetle, thee .re-
teet where ether vaeelnee fell.
Write for booklet end teetlmonl.li.
10-dele ,kee. Bluklel Pint 11-09
SO-doee ekee. Bleeklel Pllle 4.00
TJ. any Injector, but Cutter's beet
Tho lunerlnrlrr of Cutter nroriurta 1. due to
fear, of epeelelTtlnr In vaeelnee and serums only.
In.lat en di'tar'. Tf unnhlntn.hl nrder dlrec-t.
THE CUT-TER LABORATORY, Berkeley, Cllllornll
A giddy young maiden named Whltten
Acted frivolously like a kitten.
A young man named Green,
Wanted her for his queen,
But In answer she gave him the mitten,
I could tolerate the butcher
And the orders that he brings,
If he wasn't temperamental
And bo fond of cutting things.
Jobs you can have: Working on one
of those trawlers whose duty It Is to
discover German mines In the North
YOUR OWN DMJOGIST WILL TELL YOU
Try Murine Eye itemeriy for Red, Weak, Watery
Byes and Granulated Eyelids; No Smarting
jusWKye Comfort. Write for Book of the Eye
by mail Free, at urine Eye itemeay (jo., Chicago.
The theaters and the weather man
seem to have a well-defined working
The rose by another name: the kais
er calls the recent retreat of his ar
mies a "practical maneuver."
It was a temDerance cantata. "A Su
loonless Nation," and yet the musical
score was full of oars.
In its probe of wireless wrecks the
government will pull all the wires pos
War is going to kill off the derby
hat, a report says. That's bringing It
right to headquarters.
LIVES A GIRL
Who Suffered As Many Girls
Do Tells How She
Sterling, Conn. "I am a girl of 22
years and 1 used to faint away every
I month and was very
weak. I was also
bothered a lot with
read your little book
'Wisdom for Wo
men,' and I saw how
others had been
helped by Lydia E.
ble Compound, and
decided to try it, and
it has made me feel
like a new girl and I am now relieved
of all these troubles. I hope all young
Cirls will get relief as I have. I never
felt better in my life. "-Miss BeuthaA.
Peloquin, Box 116, Sterling, Conn.
Massena, N. Y. "I have taken Ly-
dia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
and I highly recommend it If anyone
wants to write to me I will gladly tell
ber about my case. I was certainly in
B bad condition ets my blood was all turn
ing to water. I had pimples on my face
and a bad color, and for five years I had
been troubled with suppression. The
doctors called it 'Anemia and Exhaus
tion,' and said I was all run down, but
Lydia E. Pinkham a Vegetable Com
pound brought me out all right" Miss
La VISA Myres, Box 74, Massena, N. Y.
Young Girls, Heed This Advice.
Girls who are troubled with painful or
irregular periods, Backache, headache,
dragging-down sonsations, fainting
pells or indigestion, should immediately
seek restoration to health by taking Ly
dia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound,
P. N. U.
No. 41, 1914
WHEN writing to adrertleera. pla
tioa Iku pnp-r.
DEAL HUBBIES THESE
FINDING OF TWO MEN WHO MET
AND COMPARED NOTE8.
Respective Helpmeets Assure Them
selves That They Hive Captured
Prlzel In the Matrimonial 8ea
Mra, McFee and my wife are bosom
friends; that Is, they are close friends;
or, at least, my wife is close. They are
as bosomy bosom friends as It Is pos
sible for friends to be, remembering
as we do that the Siamese twlni were
the only successful, sure-enough bosom
friends that ever lived. And belnt
such friends, they often have either
McFee or me on the grill.
Strange to record, each one insists
she captured an Ideal husband, yet
each thinks the choice of the other
unwarranted. Peculiar creatures, wom
en; well, curious, at any rate.
Mrs. McFee says an Ideal husband la
one that never wears out Meaning
bis affections, obviously,
My major fraction adds to this: One
that never wears out his clothes.
Meaning that thereby he has more
money with which to buy his wife
shimmering, sun-showing slits.
Remarks one: The Ideal husband
never complains at expense. Sub
Joins the other: Only his own.
Says one: The Ideal hUBband will
stand the acid test. And comes the
acquiescent amendment: Even when
the acid Is In Ills coffee. (Well, some
might be glad to.)
The Ideal husband, take It from one
of the wives, never makes his wife
feel small, except to quote the other
when he promises to keep her in
his mind while she is on her vaca
tion. They agree on this: The ideal hus
band Is rare.
And McFee and I are ideal hus
He and I sat together the other
night and compared notes. He told
me what hi3 She told him and my
She told her of me, and I told him
what my She told me his She told her
of him. And then we swapped yarns
of what our She told us of the other's
He, and what our She told ub of our
selves. We began the session with
in epigram, broadened it to a squib,
widened it to a short story, and length
sned it to a serial, to be continued
at euch times as we felt the need of
rest from the domestic entanglements.
We have proceeded far enough with
the theBis to be able to get its gist.
Simply, we are merely married men.
To avoid quarrels and discussions, we
let our wives have their own way. Our
wives are wise wives. Frequently they
flaunt the battle flag; then we yield
That's what makes an ideal hus
band or else one of them does not
know anything about it. Ideal hus
bands may be rare, but they are not
rare long. Their wives usually and
quickly do them brown to a turn
Chlmee at Night.
There Is one nocturnal noise which
moBt of us, when we hear It, contrive
to tolerate. That man would have no
music In his soul who should grumble
at the ringing of the midnight chimes.
Do you remember the experience of
'Henry Ryecroft?" "I once passed a
night in a little market town where
I had arrived tired and went to bed
early. I slept forthwith, but was pres
ently awakened by I know not what;
in the darkness there sounded a sort
of music, and, as my brain cleared,
I was aware of the soft chiming of
church bells. Why, what hour could
it be? I struck a light and looked at
my watch. Midnight. Then a glow
cama over me. 'We have heard the
chimes at midnight Master Shallow!'
Never till then had I heard them. And
the town in which I slept was Eve
saw, but a few miles from Stratford-
on-Avon." From the London Chron
icle. "Our Books the Best of Us."
George Meredith said this, refusing
an Interviewer who wished to account
of his personality to the public. May
not the nation as a whole echo the
saying T The books that the nation
gives to the world are the best of It-
when Indeed the books are true ones;
and alas! when they are the other
sort, shall not he whose pen was con
cerned regret that he sided with the
worst of his countrymen? Here is
why the Anglo-Saxon may stand firm
In hope. Whatever the faults of in
sularity, provincialism, of spread
eaiileism or whatever you will, the
great books written in the English
language speak the best of these na
tions, and give reassurance of that
which lies at the heart of each. Mary
Activities of Women.
Russia has over 40 female priests.
St Louis has a woman's law college.
The Japanese newspapers employ
Women are most preferred as mili
Three women of France have vol
unteered to serve in the aviation
corps. They are experienced avia-
trices, holding pilot's licenses, and
two of them Mile. Marvingt and
Helen Dutrlen have done scout duty
since war was declared.
Among the prominent American
women who are assisting in Red Cross
work in France are: Mrs. W. K. Van-
derbilt who has a private hospital In
Paris; Mrs. Van Allen Shields, Mrs.
Potter Palmer, Mrs. Caroline Frank
and Mra. Clarence H. Mackay.
TALKING OF POOR MEMORIES
There Wii Resemblance, But It Was
Not Exictly Flattering to the In
They wore talking about poor mem
ories at a smokofest in Washington
recently when this story was told by
Capt. John H. Glennon, of the United
Among the witnesses in a civil suit
that was tried In the Lone Star State
some time ago was an elderly woman.
During the recital of her testimony
she was BBked to recall the appear
ance of a certain party.
"I can't do It!" answered the wit
ness. "He has been dead more than
"You can't do it!" Irritably returned
the attorney. "If your memory Is so
bad that you can't go back three
yeara let's try to refresh It Now
think again! Did the party referred
to look anything like meT"
"Why, yes," answered the witness,
with a brightened expression, "when
I come to think about it he did have
the same sort of a vacant look on bli
face." Philadelphia Telegraph.
Woodson So your son Is a lawyer
now. I trust ho has a long and nut,
ored career before him.
Brotison Well, it promises to b(
long. At any rate, there's nothint
'brief" about It so fnr.
"Every now and then we read about
a lot of quail following a hen up tht
road," said the summer boarder.
"Yes," replied Farmer Corntoseel.
"How do you explain It?"
"Various ways. Sometimes the phe
nomenon Is due to' the fact that lots ol
people don't know the difference be
tween a quail and a young brown leg
Suburbanite (phoning to neighbor at
2 a. m.) This you, Jones? Say, your
dog Is in a bad way.
Neighbor (angrily) What do you
mean by that?
Suburbanite Why, he's been crying
for the last hour; don't you think
you'd better get up and walk the gar
den with him? Puck.
Reassured by Bill,
Mrs. Casey Och, Pat, whin the doc
ther told yez ye had something wid
Latin name to it a yar'rd long dldn
it scare yez?
Casey Shure an' it did, Norah. But
whin he only charged me a dollar for
It I knew It didn't amount to much.
Settlement Worker (visiting tene
ments) And your father is working
now and getting $14 a week? That1
splendid! And bow much does he put
away every Saturday night, my dear
Little Girl Never more than three;
quarts, ma'am! Puck.
Dear Friend Try to console your
self, my dear. Remember that your
late husband was very, very old, and
he left you a fortune, you know.
Young Widow Yes; but it was on
on condition that I should nev
never marry again. New York
"How about the beautiful gorge you
"Yonder it is," said the landlord.
"Did you ever see a more wonderful
"Bah! I thought a gorge meant
great big meal." Kansas City Journal
Would Solve the Problem.
"I wish I knew how to mako Dora
popular with her set," mourned mam
"Well," said papa, "I suppose I'll
have to buy an automobile and let her
learn to drive it."
Sure It Was Wasted.
"You say the man who attempted to
swindle you was a man of wasted
cheek? The prisoner is a fat man.1
"Yep, but that's him. I only meant
his cheek was wasted on me.
One of Nature's Laws.
"Doctor, according to what law do
the germs propagate and destroy hu
"Through the law of eminent pto
"Did that war correspondent write
the articles he said he was going to
Indite on the field?"
"No, but I believe he made some
(1 oLU-A, t-
rVHEN CALMNESS GOES
TALCS OF EXCITEMENT THAT AO
COMPANY A FIRE.
Old Man Peaslee'i Story Probably the
Beit of Good Ones Related After
tho Conflagration Had Been
The little village of Dllmouth had
Buffered from fire Ethan Nudd'i low
er barn, where be bad stored hli farm
ing tools, had burned flat, and a large
part of the community had gathered
about the ruins. The men were busily
recounting their own exploits, and vig
orously criticizing the behavior of
othera who had gone home. Jed Glp-
ion was speaking.
It reelly takes a tire to bring out
the last mite of foolishness there li
a man," he asserted, with convic
tion. "F'r Instance, did any of you
folks notice one of them' Bentley
twins, to see what he was doln'1
Didn't, hey? Well, I did, and he wai
over at that dry well, south of the
barn, with a pall and a rope, tryin'
to get water out of It and there ain't
been a drop of water In that well for
more'n ten year!"
"Sho, now, Jeddle!" soothed Mr
Peaslee. "Don't be ha'sh In your Jcdg-
ment. Mebbe the twin didn't know It
was a dry well."
"Course he knew it! scoffed Jed
Impatiently. "That well went dry
when Bentley blasted out for that
deep well of his cut into the vein
and sucked Nudd's well dry as an ash
heap. No, sir! It's Jest as I tell you
a Are brings out all the foolishness
there is In a feller, and he'll do things
there ain't a mite of sense In. You
notice, and see if I ain't right."
Bentley's twin didn't do all the
foolish and useless things that was
done there," broke in Wendall Cooper,
for to my mind the capsheaf of fool
ishness was when that passel of lunk
heads from the lower road broke into
the farther end of the barn and
dragged out that old hayrack full ol
bean straw. They got it Just outside
the barn, and then they dropped the
pole and left it there right where it
would ketch. Course it wonld have
burnt in the barn, but It wouldn't have
burnt any quicker than it did where
It was. They might Jest as well left
it in the barn!"
Here Caleb Peaslee's mild old voice
Under strain of excitement, same's
at a fire," he observed, moderately
"I've noticed. Jest as Jeddle says, that
folks do things that mebbe they
wouldn't do If they was ca'm, but I've
noticed this besides and it don'
seem to have struck Jeddle at all
the things they do any time like that
ain't things that hender or help much.
That 1b to say, even if they do seem
to be useless and foolish, the chances
are they ain't right down hurtful
they're Jest cases of poor Jedgment."
He twirled his ash stick in hlB hand
a moment and then went on again as
If he had not stopped talking.
Folks like that," he ruminated, as
If to himself, "always put me in mind
of old Aunt Dllly Peterby, the time
her husband had that fit. Folks down
on the river road heard her Bcreechln'
and came up to see what the matter
was, and they found Aunt Dilly bend-
in' over him, ticklln' him underneath
the chin with a Btraw. Doctor White
was there, and he asked her what her
Idea was, and Aunt Dilly told him
that she reelly wa'nt sure what she
was doln' it for.
But,' says she, real decided for
her, 'I wanted to do somethin', and
knew that if that didn't do any good,
it couldn t do a great deal of hurt.'
The Cupboard Was Bare.
The late Doctor Masters, who was
formerly a missionary In Canton,
China, afterward lived in Berkeley,
Cal. His friend and fellow-missionary,
Doctor Boone, returning on furlough
was expected to arrive in San Fran
cisco on a certain day. Doctor Mas
ters crossed the bay to the city; he
meant to meet Doctor Boone and his
party, and, after spending the day In
sightseeing, to take blm to dinner at
a well-known restaurant.
The steamer, however, had reached
port earlier than had been expected
and when Doctor Masters got to the
dock his friends had left He made
inquiries at the principal hotels, but
could not find them. In order to notify
his family In Berkeley of the neces
sary change In plans. Doctor Masters
sent them a telegram. Here Is the
somewhat damaged message that Mrs
Masters finally read:
"Can't find the bones. Will come
home to dinner." Youth's Companion
Mysteries of Krypton.
It Is usually supposed that at great
heights the pressure of the air is al
most negligible, but the application of
an Ingenious method indicated by
Ramsay glveB interesting results. Ho
asserts that the green line character
istic of the spectrum of krypton re
mains visible under a pressure of
0.000035 millimeters of mercury.
Now this green line is found In
the spectrum of the aurora boreal Is
and It seems to be well established
that this exists frequently at altitudes
between 100 and 200 miles, and even
sometimes up to nearly 600 miles.
But krypton is one of the heaviest
gases in our atmosphere. It would
teem, therefore, that the density of
the air at these altitudes is by no
means negligible, as, whatever the
cause may be of the presence of kryp
ton there, it could not remain there
unless the air possessed an appre
The Paper Strategist!.
While the war lasts mathematical
warriors will balance corps against
corps and ship against ship In the
newspaper columns, but in a real war
all the paper strategy counts for noth
ing. That poor little Prussia, in 1758,
could not possibly make head against
Austria, France, Russia, Sweden and
Saxony was as demonstrable on paper
as that two and two make four. But
the Seven Years' war was decided by
a factor quite outside the range of
mathematics namely, by Frederick,
with a vial of corrosive sublimate in
his pocket, and In his heart a black
determination to fight while he had
a regiment left, and then commit sui
cide. Revolutionary France had no
show on paper, but In fact overran all
Europe. In recent times our brush
with Spain is the only war that has
shown the least respect for the pro
grams laid down for It in advance. It
the Spanish army In Cuba had been
capably led and really determined to
fight the ending would have been the
same, but the Btory would have been
different If war could be determined
on paper there would be no war, for
a nation fights only when it haB Bome
hope of winning. Snturduy Evening
W. L. DOUGLAS
YOU CAN BAYS HONEY BY
WEARING W. L. DOUGLAS SHOES.
VorSl veAra W. L. Douvlae haa n-uarantMd the
-value br having hla name and the retail price
Bianipea on ens sole DBiore we inwi i.kvb we lac
tory. Thla protect, the wearer affainet high price
for inferior ahoea of other makeo. W. L. Doutflne
.hoe. are alwaya wortb wliat you pay tor them, ir
you oould are how oaretully W. L. Doiigl.1 ihoei are
mede. and th. high erade leather, need, you would then
nnderetand why they look better, nt better, hold their
aliaue and wear longer than other make, for the price.
If th. W. I Douirla. .hoe. are not for aale In your
Tlclnlty, order direct from ractory. Shoe, lent every
where. PoetaKe free In the U. S. Write Tor lllue
(rated Citiilo.; iliowlnR how to order by mall.
w l uuuuLJto, uu opara Bt.,nrouaion,aiaaa
A War Dictionary.
Destroying the morale Getting the
Evacuate a position To beat It.
To delete To cut out.
To reconnoiter To give the once
A strategical maneuver To hotfoot
Official news bureau The Ananias
A bayonet charge A stick-up.
A bombardment Tearing off the
A private dispatch Highly imagin
The aviation corps Military high
fliers. A moratorium I. O. U. 30 days
The arm chair strategists have con
cluded some one miscalculated In the
present war. Only one guess Is al
lowed. Putnam Fadeless Dyes color in
Give it Up.
To the Editor In a fight between
the Austrian battleship "Nyiercgyhazy
Sczatmar" and the Japanese battle
ship "Noguchl Hyuchimacuchi" which
In your opinion would win?
The One Who Suffers.
Figg The way of the transgressor
Fogg Yes; but the trouble Is it is
generally hard on somebody else.
Shears to Rip Seams.
Recently patented shears for rip
ping seams work In the usual way but
have vertical cutting edges that pro
ject in opposite directions from the
Caught In the Act.
Alkali Ike And so Slippery Sam
died with his boots on, eh?
Broncho Hill No, he died with my
boots on. That's how he came to die.
For the convenience of carpenters,
there has been invented a machine
which, held In one hand, feeds nails
into the position In which they are to
be driven with a hammer held In the
Taxes for Sanitation.
Tbe Venezuelan government has de
cided to use 1 per cent of the import
duties collected for a fund for sanitary
The dentists have discovered a new
way to stop the pain. Perhaps they
apply it when presenting their ML
MEN'S I WOMEN'S M'!
$2.50, $3, $3.60 Pil. l'J5,
,3'75,d$5uo4'50 rK Jifr
$'22!, MM J'lilifcMCa
Over AWH . ,'XaH Sim
Smokeless Powder Shells
"LEADER" and "REPEATER"
The superiority of Winchester
Smokeless Powder Shells is
undisputed. Among intelligent
shooters they stand first in pop
ularity records and shooting
qualities. Always use them
for field or Trab Shooting.
Your Dottier For Them.
TOR OUT-Of-TOWN PEOPLE
People from all pert of
Oregon and Wiuhlnf
ton constantly vUlt ou
utile for dental treat
ment. Our kill It ac
knowledged, and our
iiromptneea In ftnUh
ing work In one day
w hen required U appre
ciated by out-of-Uiwa
Dr. Wine la a falne.
tooth expert. Thrre la
ALWAYS ONE HHST
in every calling, and
Dr. Win lays claim to
u. . ,J T 1 Wine lay. claim I
-i, . ! t lhl, di.tincUcm n On
t- - 1 n, 27 Wi' naaam
wnat wo can't guai
ari tee we don't do.
LOW I'KH'KS FOR HICII-GRADE WORK.
Good Red Rubber Platre. each fo.M
The Unit Red Rubber IMatn, wrh 7.ftfl
22-Kara! (.old or Porcelain Crown
WISE DENTAL CO.
RELIAlll.E PAINLESS DENTISTS.
FKonea Main 2029, A 202.
mVt Third Street. Failing Hldr.. Portland, Ongoa
8. E. Cor. Third and Wavbinston.
Germany's Invisible Aeroplane.
An Invisible aeroplane that may play
no inconsiderable part In the Euro
pean war was invented by a German,
engineer and demonstrated shortly be
fore the great conflict opened. In
stead of having cloth fabric or other
visible material used for covering,
the planes this aeroplane is construct
ed of a sort of transparent celluloid
that is also fireproof. These celluloid
wings let the light through, leaving
only the light framework of the ma
chine apparent, and when at a height
of 3000 feet It Is practicably impossi
ble to detect the aeroplane at all. The
machine Is fitted with a silent motor,
which is also valuable In enabling an
airman scouting over an enemy's po
sition to escape detection. A further'
advantage Is that the aviator's view
is not cut off by the planes. Ameri
You Can Get Allan'. iW-rae TRCC.
.Write Allen S. Olmsted,! Boy, N. Y.,lor
ree .ample of Allen's Foot-Ka.e. It curea
metUlug. hot Bwolleu, aching feet. It niakea
tew or tight ahoea easy, A certain. cure lol
ninti. inifiowing nail, and bunion.. All drug
(tain .oil it. U5c. Don't auoept any lubutituUl.
Chicago's Good Example.
Chicago reportB a marked revival
of business during the last few days.
Trades seriously hit by the European
war are said to have shown a pro
nounced activity and the Inference la
that the tear which the beginning of
hostilities occasioned and which im
mediately oppressed business Is pass
ing. It ought to be. Brooklyn Stand
ard. Made In Aemrlca.
The "made In America" Idea Is be
ing eagerly seized by many of the re
tail merchants in the city. In con
spicuous positions in many stores are
slgnB which ask the customer to re
quest American-made goods, and to
favor American productB bo far as the
comparative qualities will permit,
A United StateB government engi
neer has patented and dedicated to
the public easily transported appara
tus for mine rescue work in cases
where the regular hoisting apparatus
has been damaged.
By Clearing Blood
A Function Greatly Assisted
By a Well-Known
Moat renders will bo IntercntM to mor
clearly understand why analysis of urlno la
so Imporlunt. la tiie tme of M. K. K. to
purify the blond, It. action la a stimulant
to the myriad of line blood vessels thai
mnke up tho constructive tissues of the
kidneys. All the blood from all over tlx
body must pass through the kidneys. They
act as testers and ansuyers. And according
to what they allow to pass out lit the urine,
both as to quantity and materials, tho
health of the kidneys and tbe quality of the
blocd Is determined The catalytic energy
forced by H. 8. H. Is shown la the urine.
It Is also demon. frated la the skis. Ami
as the blood continues to sweep throughi
the kidneys the dominating nature of
H. fl. K., acting as It docs through all tho
avenues of elimination, shows a ai.rked
decrease of dlaea.e manifestations at dem
onstrated by urine analysis. This assist
ance Is a great relief to the kidneys. Thsj
body wastes are more avenly distributed to
the emunctorles; their elimination la stim
ulated by the tonic action afforded the
liver, lungs, skin and kidneys. Thus, la
cases of rheumatism, cystitis, chronic aore
throat, huaklneas of mice, bronchitis, sath
dii and the myriad of other reflet Indica
tions of weak kidney action, first purify
your blood with rl. H. ft., so it will ensbl
the tissues to rebuild the cellular itrengtlt
and regain the normal health.
8. 8. 8. Is prepared bv Ttie Swift Bpeclfls
Co., 527 Swift Hldg., Atlanta, fla., and If
you have any deep-seated or obstinate blond
trouble, write to tuuir U.dlutl Ueyk luf