The Eugene weekly guard., August 16, 1902, Image 9

KING EDWARD AND HIS FAMILY
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he who knows a book .
With ataff In hand snd dusty shoon.
1 walked from morning till high noon;
Then rested for a little while
I'pon the green grass by a brook,
And with a morsel and a book
Forgot me many a mile.
And then upon my way I strode
With bending back beneath the load.
I'ntil the night beset my way
With cheerful thought on song and ti
And no I fare by hill and vale.
Contented day by day.
For he who knows a book to read
May travel lightly without steed
And find sweet comfort on the road.
He »hall forget the rugged way,
Nor algh for kindly company,
Xor faint beneath his load.
—Leslie's Monthly.
THE EVOCATION,
j
E had been talking of spirit-
uallsui, telepathy and black
magic;
the
conversation
turned to apparltlous and mediums.
Among us all, meu and women, assem­
bled in the drawing-room after a long
and formal dinner, there were several
who were skeptical, two or three vagu«*-
ly credulous, w ithout certainty cue way
or the other, and my friend Francois,
who was an ardent believer in what we
not of the faith agre«?d to call spirit­
ualism. In bls mind there were vast
differences In tbe meanings of terms,
but for me splritunlisiu covered tiieir
alL One of tbe young women, making
illusion to the recent experiences of an
English medium, asked:
'Is It true that M. Urooka lias si-eu
and touched the spirits, or. rather, tin*
material forms of tbe dead?”
M.
Crooks Is a very learned man, they say.
If be has not b«ten tbe victim of an il­
lusion or an Imposture, I must confess
that his testimony would have great
Influence on my own faith.”
“It Is certainly a mystery," said
Francois, thoughtfully, "and a mystery
which those who have never had any
experience are willing to deny exist­
ence to. But if this man has not been
mistaken or deceived; If he can, as he
■aya, prove aeleutlflcally that souls sur­
vive tsMlles, preserve their identity,
their ix?rsonallty, tlielr memory, ami
have the power to tx-come material
•nd vialble to living people, wlint a rev­
olution It will mnke In philosophy!”
“Oh. bow I wish I might have some
experience of the kind.” slghid a young
«M.
"Well, 1 don't," respond«>d one of the
men. “I would fear for my reason if 1
should see the phantom of my mother
come at the call of a mixllum. And, on
the other hand. I resent the Idea that
my own «oul, when It Is fre«xl from
my body, must be obliged to clothe It-
•elf in visibility at the command of a
living person.”
"One of my friends," «aid Francois,
"tried th« experiment, and It cost him
4e«r."
"Tell us______
, ________________
about It/*
cried the women. |
drawn by the Instinctive delight in the
•“PcrnaturaL
Francois responded: "It Is not a very
*>*PPy story, but It may tw interesting
It abowa that It Is not always safe to
Interfere with those powers w hich gov-
•m the unseen. Here is the story,"
• nd be related tbe follow ing:
Pierre Frnnckel was one of the best
friends of my childhood. I saw him
•lain when he was 20 years old. a pale
young man with blonde hair, eyes a*
Nue as th« sea. singular eyes, large and
died, lit as by an Interior light, the
n*s of a girl, somewhat unusual in tbe
free of a man. YVIth a drlli acr of <-ol
®r'ng. a slightness of build ami a soft
•weetne«s of voice the beautiful eye«
Fave to my poor frleml a charm almost
effeminate. But he was a manly fel
1,,w and bad a great many Mends
was 23 years old when be met
Madeline Meurice At a ball given in th?
chateau of Cbaugls. Thia young girl
poor but brilliant ami well b rn.
l*autlful, vtvacioua and gracious. H i t
f**t black eye« spoke ekeiuently
fr« blue eyes of l’l«-rre, ami he w.-.s
J**d with an enthusiastic sod sin re
10’* For her. He had Ix-en a
, t
ao
•object of tore, ao U.at It cam-
W
FAMOUS OLP PRISON
aud acted like dem is. Finally theae
outbreaks got to tie so serious that th«
public bunging« wen* given up. and
sluce then they have been held luslde
NEWGATE,
LONDON, AND ITS
Newgate. « black flag being hoisted on
MEMORIAL HORRORS
the roof at the moment when the drop
«. This Is tlie custom still, aud on
ex* utlou days small evrowda collect,
wall until the dag goes up and then
disperse, As for old Tyburn, not only
have all true«"« of the old execut Ion
ground b een swept away, but Its site is
now* one of the most fashionable parts
Grim, forbidding old Newgate pris-
of arii stix-ratlc Hyde Park. Every one
on. i.uuduii, wblcU iu the course
ils
of Hie ■ handsome
Uandsouie can luges passing the
lung period uf existence has boused *
Marble Arch nnd entering the Long
many men aud »omen condemne<l
Drive rolls close to the spot where once
destruction, aud around which have c
stood the busy gallows.
curved many remarkable sceues of hor
72,000 Ihiiyr.l in One Kciifit.
ror, is at length to be toru down. Sev
How old Newgate Is no one knows.
eral times before tbe historic prison's
It was used as a prison as far back a«
luipeuditig doom was announced, but
1188, and prbably antnlaies that period
now the work of demolition has actual­
by many years. Many limes has it been
ly begun. Old Halley, the scarcely less
rebuilt, the last time follow ing the “no
famous court house, which adjoins
popery" rluls of IT”:*, when the struc­
New gate, »in also be raxed, and upon
ture was plundered and burned, the
the whole site thus obtained uew court
prisoners ix>lng set free, to join tbe
buildings of a modem type will t>e
maddened mob. During the reign of
erected.
Henry \ 111. liistoriaus say Unit 72.ik>>
Newgate's history is packed nnusual-
executions too* place at Newgate Sir
ly full of horrors, even for a prison
Thomas More w rites In bls I'topla that
which di<! duty lu such cold-blooded
twenty thieves might be seen hanging
times as the early part of the eigh­
from a single glblx*t and hangings
teenth century In England. Then a.i
were almost of daily occurrence, lu
execution was n'gnrdetl as a sort of di
these good old days, w hieb some of our
version—only that then" was no good
misguided modernera w ould wish to re­
humor aixuit It. When a hanging was
call. tlie theft of a loaf or tbe snaring of
a hare on a game preserve was punish
<d with death! Torture, too. was re­
sorted to. and men and women, strip­
ped naked, were put upon tbe rack un­
til the bones and Joints w«re torn asun­
der. There were many other metliixls
of terture, aud brandings and mutila­
tion were of frequent wcurreuce.
Executions at Newgate were carried
out often in a bungling manner. Often
the condemned would not l>e strangled
and the e\ei utloner wrould catch hold
of tlie victim am! add Ills own weight
to that of the suspended unfortunate.
Tills usually made tbe crowd uilarious.
Nor was It the rabble alone who eu
Joyed the degrading spei-taele. People
of fashion would pay as high as $25 for
a goixl vantage point In a window* op
posit!" ami fn-quently would «|x*nd tile
night there so that no detail of the
spectacle might escape.
It was a ribald, reckless, combative,
brutal mob who wltni"ssed tlie exeeu
tlous. Fights were commou and spec­
<lue at Newgate—they were held lu the tators often hail their limbs broken and
opeti. Just outside the walls crowds their teeth knocked out! These dread­
used to camp out all night ou the steps ful public ex«>cutions were carried on
of the buildings round about. Gin was until 18H8.
to him with all the force of a new ex- the spirit of the dead womau to maul
perleuce, und she had nothing to lose fest Itself.
by being compared to former obj«*ets of
"Oh, my sister.” said he. "my un
adoration. She was the first to enter known sister, departed from this earth,
tils heart, and she took entire poss«?s- come back for one Instant in the ma
sioti. She returned his love and ac<?ept- terlal form you once took on. Appear,
ed his proposal of marriage.
evoked by faith and love. Come! Mad
It took I'lcrre some time to talk his eline!” His voice rose aud grew ar
family into consenting to the match, dent, while tbe medium became con
sold even on the steps of the scaffold,
but after they had seen and talked with vulsed with trembling movements.
Queen V ictoriil's Husband.
Madeline they succumbed to the charm
.’-Il at once Pierre crf«*d. "Listen! ami It was no uncommon thing when a
Writing of Prince Albert In an
criminal
who
had
committed
some
par
­
of her iH*rsoniillty. They w ere married Listen! Tbe sonata of Mozart!”
de In the Century, on "The 1
A harmony, light am! soft as a sigh, ticularly outrageous offense was led out Family of Englund," Professor t
and be took her away Immediately to
a house be owned in the country, where floated from the motionless keys of the for the mob to tllug themselves ou him Browning says:
they livid aloue aud reveled In the pure piano, which stood Just within the pale and half murder him before the rope
"From the tlrst the Prince Identified
could be put around Ills neck. Earlier, himself with the Queen In all Iler la
aud happy love they bad found in each stream of moonlight.
"She is coming." said Claymore, sol when the prisoners who were kept In Ixirs. They had one mlud and one
other.
Newgate were executed In Tyburn, soul. Rising every morning with the
Then, suddenly, death broke the emnly, stretching out his baud.
"Madeline! Madeline!" cried Pierre, there were even more revolting seelies dawn, the Prince went Into hla work
dnaiu. Mme.• Franckel died without
i Men and women who were being hang room, where ti.elr two tallies stood
any preparation for death, without suf­ falling on bis knees.
I am telling you what I saw—or ed were howled at mid pellet! with side by side, ami rend all their corre-
fering, while she was seated at the
piano playing a sonata of Mozart's, on thought I saw. The room was dark stones and dirt. Others were set upon spondeuce, arruuglug everything for
the Queen's convenience when alle
a beautiful moonlight evening of sum save for the one thread of moonlight on the road to the gallows.
should arrive.
He knew all her
Almost Cheutcfl the llufiuman.
mer.
Her husband stood leaning which touched the piano and traced a
One of these was Mrs Brownrigg thoughts ami assisted ull her ac Uous.
against tbe window listening to the line upon the floor. Suddenly the mys
She was notorious for her brutality vet so adroit ami self saerlticlng was
music and breathing the fragrance of terious music ceased und In tbe moot
tbe night. Tlie music stopped nt the light, before tbe piano, tlie whiteness to her girl apprentices, but finally Ills conduct that nil the merit and pop­
precise moment that the soul left the seemed to thicken and slowly to form eclipsed even her own record by strip ularity came to her. The people bad
Indy, nnd Pierre, surprised at the pause, itself Into the contours of the human ping one young girl to her waist, fasten no Idea tliHt be Interfered with public
affairs, yet. had they reflected, they
turned to find ins wife dead, n smile on body. More dlstlnce It grew until I Ing her hands to a ring in Hie celling
must have known that It waa Inevit­
saw
sitting
there
a
woman
dressed
li
and
flogging
her
so
mercilessly
that
wli--
her lips, her bend resting against the
able. Once during the Crliuenii war,
a
long,
flowing
gown
of
white,
her
head
died
from
the
effects.
While
Mrs
back of her chair and her fingers still
back against her chair and a smile on Brownrigg, who was captured while when the notion got abroad that tbe
touching the keys of the piano.
trying to get out of the country, was Prince had Intervened, tliere were
For several years the poor man shut her pale lips.
Pierre
had
sprung
to
his
feet.
being taken to Tyburn she was pounc­ talks of treason and of sending him
himself up nnd would see no one, bid­
“
It
Is
you.
my
beloved!"
he
cil«x1.
and
ed
upon by a mob of women who came to the Tower; yet on th«" day of the
ing bis suffering from the world as be
Prince's death, on that cold, lee bound
had hidden bis joy. One day 1 called with outstretched arms he moved to within an ace of cheating the hangman S.itilrday. Charles Kingsley said to the
Its
ward
the
white
tigure
and
fell
at
of
her.
to se«‘ him. and on account of onr old
present writer: 'He was King of Ku
The scenes around the Newgate gal
frieudsliip 1 was nduiltted. 1 found but feet.
gland for twenty years, and no one
off
At the sound of the fall I threw
lows grew more violent as time went
a shadow of the young man I had
knew It.' ”
known. His hair was gray, and his W’lth a great effort tbe spell which held on. In 1807 80,000 people gathered to
me
and
ran
to
him.
The
tigure
van
six*
the
execution
of
two
men.
and
n
movements betrayed him to be suffer­
For all Important bouses nowadays
ing from a nervous disease. He soon isbtxl nnd I raised my friend, to timi the crush twenty-eight were killed mid
spoke of bis sorrow and gradually that lie had breathed Ills last at the seventy Injured. After the bangings a careful plan Is drawn up for the pro
feet of Ills dead wife. He hail paid were over the executioner used to sell posed position of every Important piece
opentd bls whole heart to me.
face the rope which lie had used at a shil of furniture, with color drawings
"The questiou of immortality Is con- the price for the vision. On bls
Hug or more the Inch.
where necessary to allow the effect,
stantly In my thoughts,” lie said. "For was an expression of purest ecstasy.
There was a long pause when Fran
Jack Sheppard was confined at New­ and by this means F.dward and Alex
live years 1 have searched philosophy,
st tidied hypotheses and questioned reli­ cols tinlslieil his story, which told the gate after Ills first capture, but soon andrn were aide to judge of the result
gion. and 1 am still divided between deep effect he hail produce«! upon bls escaped. He was recaptured, loaded beforehand. It was Mrs. Astor who
faith anil doubt, which Is killing me. hearers Finally tbe young woman who with chains and made fast to a staple tlrst Introduced the Interior plan Idea
Even then he got free, among Americana with splendid house
If Madeline's soul exists it will inabl- had been most eager In her request to In the floor.
forced six doors, burrowed through a 1 hold furnishings, her own Newport and
fest itself to me. 1 look for her con­ hear the tale said, In a low voice:
"Please let’s talk of something else." wall, and then went back to Ills cell io New York mansions always being thus
stantly, waking nnd sleeping, and I feel
—Translated from the French of "Gil get a blanket by means of which be let arranged to a dot. Having once deter
that she must come. 1 would give all
himself down from the roof to the mined on the most advantageous Coin
the years of life that remain to me to bert Dore.”
street. They captured him again, how position of a drawing room, for In­
see her for one Instant In all the sweet
MORGAN BUYS VAI (IABI I PORCFI AINS ever, and he was hanged at Tyburn stance, woe betide the servants who
n«"ss of her youth an 1 Ix-HUty.’’
while over 2RO.OOO jeering |M*ople look misplace an article or “discompose”
1 tried to turn my friend’s thoughts
i f-tl on. In Newgate Mary Edmonson the harmony of the tableau Boston
from this idea, for I feared his reason
also was jailed, bile was banged fur , Herald.
would give way. But be persisted In
the murder of her aunt, bill many sti«
H.opped by Caterpillar..
his hope, one day be asked me If I
pected that she was letting herself lie 1
knew a certain Claymore, a Scotch­
destroyed In place of her lover, w lio | A railway train was recently stopped
man, who lind made quite a stir lu Paris
was supposed to have done the deed, i near Ithelms, France, by the numlier
as a medium. He was a peculiar man.
lie was present at tbe execution and of < aterplllars that fell on the track.
undoubtedly sincere, and I bad enjoye«l
kissed the girl on the gallows. After- i The rails grew too pasty ami slippery
meeting him several times.
ward be confessed that be had killed for the wheels to adhere until cinders
“You must introduce me to him," said
. the woman but was reprieved, as the were thrown on them.
Pierre. “He has evoked spirits luto
authorities were afraid to let It lie
r.lially, we feel an oppression tie­
material form, and if he <*an bring Mad­
known that they had taken the life of cause of a lot of little things we have
eline’s to me 1 will owe him more tliau
an IntKX'ent person.
neglected, blit which might have been
Acted Like Ilemons.
my life."
easily disposed of.
rliow THK OAnLAMD COLLECTION.
At this young woman's execution, a.
I used all my power of persuasion
Many a tnan would lie glad of the
J. P. Morgan purchased the Garland well ns those of Fauntleroy, the bank­
against this decision, but he was firm,
nnd finally 1 gave in. I first went to collection of oriental porcelains, the er. and Greens« re. who murdered his opportunity to chew all he could bite
Claymore, however, and told him mv tlnest collection In the world, which sweetheart, surging crowds gathered off.
friend's history and begged him not tixj han lieen on exhibition at the Metro
abuse a credulity brought about by ex­ poilt'O Museum of Art lu New York
for many years
It was announced
treme suffering.
"1 can give him what be wants." re that a London dealer bad purchased
piled the Scotchman. "Take me to tbe collection from the Garland estate
for Idoo.ooo and would take It to Eu­
him. You may trust me.”
"Will you permit the presence of a rope, Morgan decided that the collec
tlon should remain In America. ’ What
witness?”
he paid Is not known, but It Is I sup-
"Certainly.”
The next «lay Claymore, accompanied [sised that be gave considerable more
by a mixllum. entero«! the bouse where than the amount offered by tbe Ix>n-
Mme. Frauckcl had dte J flv« years t>e don dealers.
fore.
Psrtii'ulsrly Out.
It was in June 11 • villa, with Its
An acquaintance caltod on some • la
. loMd B
- »ei l r I >" 'h'-lre to
keep out the soft beauty ami warmth «lie» who bad been much wearied I by
of the night air Inside the bouse all an endless succession of callers, The
was dark nnd chilly. As Pierre met us door was opened to her by Pom|H»y. tbt
fsltliful ol«l servant.
he shivered.
"Are the la«1i«*s in, Pompey?” »ah!
"If Iler soul live«," he said. "It 1« In
this hmbii .” Hia vol**« shook with min­ tbe young lady.
"No. ma'am, tbey'se all out ma'am."
gle«! .toy «“'• t^ar.
"For the last time.” said I. "do not responded tbe old retainer.
"I'm «o sorry I missed them." replied
commit an act at once sacrilegious ami
Here is a simple experiment, and one «b
dangerous.” Put be did not e.en hear the visitor, banding In her card« "I
particularly wanted to see Mrs Hell " in< of centrifugal force. Take a hag atrip of
me.
the middle, fa.ten the upper eud of it by mei
"Y ob , ma'am, thank ye. ma’am
Tbe jnedium waa a young woman
of a «»ine bottle. Next faateu the tower en«
TYiey'se all out. ma'am, and Mn B»||
which la only half the aise of Ibe «tb.-r ou«
pale and slender, who fixed ber Idol
Is particularly out. ma'am.” was the
looks on Claymore's face. Tl
eardt»>ard mast be perfectly uniform and th.
Izlng ------
reply that greeted her hearing ss tbe
‘ it.
light In tbe room was
*
is to make use of It. This I»
he ne xt th«
visitor Opemd tbe gate and the front
from
ter to run «iver ft. The roller,
door rloeo.1
e the flriqilsce.
11 ria swiftly from the highest
Ixo-n opened wide at
r tbroigh tbe loop and never
sheet on H««« -s.
came faintly In. Th,
>. If we want to run n rnr, nil
The Brazilian «xMst city of B tela baa
cnrdboard no as to prevent the
out tbe camlle snd le«l
elioni 3U0.IJÜU inhabitants, wbu live lu
an Into s dark '^>m
17.1AA) buns«
Then In a tow. solemn
A TABLE LOOP-THE-LOOP.
LET US ALL LAUGH.’
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA-
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
Pleasant
lacidcata
Occarrlaa
th«
W or Id Over—Si) tags that Are Cheer­
ful to Old or
Youna-Faauf Balee-
liona that Yoe Will Knjo>.
Another Good War.
Chiinmj Wot’a de best way to teack
a girl to sw im1
Johnny Well, yer want to take her
gently by de Laud, lead her gently
down to de water, put yer arin gently
'round her waist und
C'hlmiuy- -Ob, cut It out. It’s me sls-
ter!
Johnny- ■OLI 1‘usb her uff de duck!—
Puck.
Kn<l«
"I notice." said the wrathful musi­
cian. "that In your review of niv per­
formance last evening you sjx-ak of my
technique Ix-lng faulty.
Will you be
kind enough to tell me w hat yuu Ullder-
stand to lx* the meaning uf ■teeli
ulque?' ”
"Surely, sir," repl list the golf editor.
who had acted temporarily as musical
critic, "you don't eX|x-«-t me to tell you
lu the presence of these two young la
die«:" — Chicago Tribune.
l.earnnl Hi* Mistake.
Farmer Hay Bill—-Did you ever buv
a gobi brick?
Farmer Ostia ml Never did! But,
begosb, I bought w hat I thong lit w as
one ouct
“I think I have heard," said the ten­
derfoot, "that th«" man you called Kat-
tlvsnake Ram came to mi unbWtnnato
end—hanged for horse-sti*allng.
horse stealing, or
something uf that kind."
"YVuss than that, jiard." replied the
cowboy, shaking bls head with ineffa­
ble sadness. "He was killed by bein’
tlirowed fr'ui a boss."—Chicago Trib­
une.
Huw llim First.
Mrs DimpIctoU 1 am to see the doc­
tor today, snd I know he will Insist
U|H>n my going abroad.
Tile Hon John No. he won't. I met
him yesterday and told him If bu sent
you abroad I couldn't pay ills bill.
Fa'ruin g.
"Hey, where's that valise I gave you
er quarter ter carry for me?”
"It's all right, mister. Me little brud-
der', cornin' wid It Just as fast as he
can."
How Cruel of Him.
Mrs. Mann William, why do you
race off to the dub every evening right
after dluiier?
Mr. Mann I want to make up for all
the evenings I List while 1 wus court­
ing.—«'lulsea Gazette.
Neighborly Ailvice.
Mrs. Nexdorc — My daughter's getting
She- So you fought In the Philip- to be quite an enthusiastic piano
ptlii'H? Were you ever shot?
player.
mum I w us shot twice
Tramp Yes.
'
Mrs. Pepprey- Yra; why don’t you
once, and I half shot twice. Chicago
get her to Join a union?
American.
Mrs. Nexdore— Join a union?
Ills Miss on.
—Yea;
Mrs. (’«•ppi'ey—
Yes; alie
she wouldn't
"1 wonder w lint's ever beeom«» of our work mor«" than eight hours a day at It
old friend Hremer.*who talked so much thea.—Philadelphia Press.
of devoting himself to the uplifting of
Answer« the
mankind. I suppose he's an uviiugelist
Mrs. Tlirixip (exeltisily)—Bridget,
now," •
"No; lie's an elevator man In the Sky­ then' s a i«olIcniiiu ringing at the front-
door lx*ll.
reach Building.”- Philadelphia Press.
Bridget (<"oolly>—Well, ma'niu, yez
Would Work Well.
can tell him Ol in not In.
Mrs. Street 1 have l>een very careful
Polite-
with my daughter. 1 have told tier
Jones John, there are burglars
w believer she Is going to apeak to stop
stairs!
and listen how It sounds.
Join;« (sleepily)—You go down.
Mrs Lane You ought *.c tell her to
They wouldn't dare strike a
follow the same rule when she is about
to slug. Yonkers tttateeinati.
The Unattainable.
Woman These tisb don’t seem very
fresh.
Fish Hawker (growlingly) Wot you
wants Is tish caught tomorrow and
'live 'em to-day.
Wltson— Yes, sir; tills summer I ex
peat to <>wn my own home.
Kidder - How long do yuu think your
wife will lie a way?
she W «■«n't There.
He Knew.
Teacher James, you may tell when
the Heclaratlon of Independence was
signed.
James— Please, ma'am, at tbe bot­
tom Indianapolis News.
Boat on Streets-
"Haven't been In Boston lately, have
you?" “Nop." "We've been making
some big improvements there. Widened
one of our streets two luches! Yea,
air."—Clevehnul Phi in Dealer.
Wo mn n (to dry goods clerk who has
been showing blankets for half au
hour) I thank you for your trouble,
but 1 really didn't Intend to buy any­
thing. I'm looking for a friend.
Clerk Well, If yon think she’s in
these bluukets, 1'11 go through them
again.
No Chance to Talk.
Wlgg No. I can't say that Talkalot
Is a friend of mine. 1 merely have a
speaking acquaintance with him.
Wagg Most i.... pie only have a lls-
tenlug aequulutiinee. — Philadelphia
liecord.
Mill on F.iirth.
"You are an angel," asserted the
love-stricken youth, "That's no reason
why you should keep her up to un­
earthly hours," remarked the old man
from the head of the stairs. Philadel­
phia Record.
Nobili!;.
Not Hoperst it Ions.
Teas Hunt you really believe In
dreams?
Jesse No, Indeed, It’s superstitious
to believe In dreams, and Ixvldos it's
a bad sign when you believe III them,
for It usually brings yuu bad lock.—
I'ldladelplilii Press
Illil Hlie Mean VnTtliinu Unkind?
Mr L'pperten I suppose you saw a
great many old ruins w hile In Europe?
.Mrs. Neiirlcb- Yea, Indeed. And sev-
ernl of them Imd the nerve to pro|s>se
marriage.
before he said I
wan
five
an
the delay?”- Judge.
A
"You are
salii th«" repairer to tbe timi watch.
"What have you to say for yourself?"
"Nothing.” replied the watch. "You
sliouhl judge me by my works."
"Well, I will lo«>k Into your ease,"
said the repairer. "ami If I find you
guilty- - ”
"What will you do?” queried the
watch.
"Ret you to work doing time, prof,
ably.” replied the repairer, who had a
license to pose as a judge
Mother (exhibiting first born) Don't
you see a resemblance? Look nt our
faces able by side.
Visitor—Nothing could be plainer.—
Punch.
Revenge.
The Brida There's only one thing
needed to complete our happiness.
The Groom -What Is that, dearest?
The Bride I ib> wish uiy tlrst hus­
band and your first wife would meet
and get married.
No Chance to Repent.
Bllder—You say you married In
baste. Then I suppose you are repent
Illg at leisure?
Glider—No; I'm kept so busy bustling
that I have no leisure.
The task Inipoaalble.
The committee waited upon the ■uc-
cessful mau.
"Your fame has preceded you,” they
said as he entered the room, He
smile«! serenely. “I am rather well
known," he admitted, modestly.
"You have given names to sleeping-
cars. uew cigars, health fooda and
gain«*« names that have pleased th«
public aud your patrons.”
The successful man bowed.
"Well," said the spokesman, "we
A Valid Reason.
have a new baby at our house, and we
"You refuse to saw wood for your have c«me to you to select a name
dinner?
that w III please her parents, sisters
"Yea, lady not that 1 object to the and brothers, grandparents, cousins.
work, but 1 don't want to establish uncle«. aunts and friends of the family,
a precedent."—Judge
and herself, later oil."
The eu<x'«*ssful man frowned sternly.
Wrongly Named.
"Kir,' hi" salti, "I do not undertake
Mrs. Crlmaonbeak What kind of a
impossible.” Cincinnati Commer-
tbe
cigar are you smoking?
Mr. CrluisonlM-Hk That's the latest, clsl Tribune.
dear; it's calhsl a Ping Pong.
A wash out on a railway line is one
Mrs. Olunaonlieak—Well, I can't un thing snd It Is quit another on a
derstaml why they call It that (with clothes line.
her hand at tier noaei. It certainly la not
Many a mau seems dead to the world
adapted to the bouae.—Youkero State«-
wbeu
be la buried in thought.
man.