SMILES.
THE INSATIATE flfcA.
„Iles twin Cupid* seek
Lira
tuple* ¡“ her cheeks
kJ
,h t mole* straight »«X •'»
KtuP-uglid^ -*“• ,he,‘ '“r‘
Cruel Tribute Exacted from Fiaher
Folk of Glouwater. Ma»*.
aud they all took bad colds. Nor Is li
only the Arctic regions aud amongst
high mountains that colds are absent;
the same immunity from them Is no
ticeable during long sea voyages aud
when camping out In the desert; aud.
still more utiexiiectedly. In the best
open air sanatoriums, such as Nord
rach. where the ventilation is practi
cally perfect. It is found that patients
do not catch cold. There is, I believe,
plenty of other evidence to show that
there are places remote from ordinary
human life where colds cannot lie
caught whatever the exposure; prob
ably many of your readers cau brltig
forward Instance«."—Literary Digest.
Every year Iu Gluuceste . Masa.. a
memorial service for tisyeruieu lout at
sea l* held in McClure Cbai>cl, iu "An
gel Alley." "During the services,” the
chaplain and manager of the Fisher
men's Institute rweutly said to a writ
er iu the Bustou Herald, "a list of those
who have been drowned 1* read, mouth
by mouth. Sometimes It Is a w de
crew, aga.n a mau swept overboard,
often a single fisherman lost in a dory
which drifted away in a teg and was
uever seen again. The graves are scat
tered over the Iceland Usbing grounds.
Norway, the Grand Banks, the isle* of
Shoals, the Georges, eveu down to
Eastern Point Itself. It is the saddeat
day of the year. I kuow nothing I dread
so much.”
While the chaplain was speaking a
little woman Iu rusty black, with tuin.
white hair and the patient, suQerti g
face of a fisherman's widow, came In to
see the minister on business. She car
ried a package of crocheted riugs tor
pulling lu the trawl Hues, which the
widows aud orphans make aud sell to
the stores.
"Yes." she said, iu reply to a question,
“the chaplain’s beeu mighty good to
me. he aud his wife. They've stood by
uie lu all my trouble, and I've seen a
sight of it. I've lost five meu folks on
the sea—my father aud my busbaud
aud three sons.
"Four times I've seen the ship come
In with the flag at half mast, a id once
It never came st all. I've hud five fun
erals iu my parlor—not like you laud
folks' funerals, but the kind we fishing
folks have, where there Isn't any coffin
or any funeral procession. Aud there
are five slabs in my lot iu the cemetery
that say. ’Born at Gloucester; died on
the Grand Banks.'
“I tried to keep my last boy at home."
the trembling voice went on. "4 got
him a place lu a lawyer’s office, but he
was Just wild for the sea. He’d lay
awake listening to It and longing to be
gone, aud I Just bad to let him go. The
sea's a terrible thing, a terrible thing!
It draws you to It. and then It kills
you.”
Many, many another has watched for
the ships that never have come, or has
seen them come In with lowered colors
nt the mast, for Gloucester alone loses,
on an average, one hundred fishermen
a year.
WALKING AND LONGEVITY.
INDIAN CONJURERS' TRICKS.
.h, IsngM
CupidM ,Wal"
LjJ ,h'”
month inside
. b^^
lie *r r . Band
h,.r r teeth
of &
pearl.
iben st
_ u. erant me this
" h your mu .7 Je.tsy. PlV.
th^ero*y l‘P" k “' .
£’i?’ti* mine, sod «teal awV.
^io.tcr <*■*»“•
_
I»«
l I ] ; ~ t 1 I I I I I F
Gfdiidnid’s Story
I
A Few Negative®.
Never dust off plates with brush that
contains stiff hair or bristles; use brush
with long tine hair.
Never put alkaline solutions tn trot-
ties Laving glass stoppers-they stick.
Never sweep or dust your dark room;
use wet cloths to remove dust and dirt.
Never use trays or dishes for all
work: keep to their proper uses those
for developing, fixing toning, etc.
Never pass your fingers from one so
lution to another without washing, if
you would avoid stains, etc.
Never be In a hurry; move with cir
cumspection In all your photographic
work, although It requires but a small
fraction of time to Impress the sensi
tive plate, go,al results can alone be
had by study of position and a due re
gard to light and shade.
Development and all the operations
of the dark room can only move at
proper speed to produce satisfactory
results.
Never console yourself with the Idea
I
s TOKY!" excla.med grandma
I H ‘ .be looked over her glasses
■ Zni at the boy uu^ «lrl Pervbed at
$
f^ptase. 8 rvalljr' ,ruljr
fl war'story, with some 'go' In it."
Ijjed To«
■ -\ery »ell." said grandma after a
“I believe 1
A, laouieuts’ thought.
Eau picas* you both.
I I- wa* in a log bouse, such as the
I t settlers lived In. that a girl of
r '.ut 15 rears of age was bending over
I* rtrepl.ee busily engaged In broiling
I es'of venison. Another girl about
J sr older was spreading a coarse,
l.uiespun cloth on the table and pre-
f ' . t for the evening meal.
f - father Is late.’ said the girl at the
Ire. as she ruse. What can be keeping
| yews from the front that he ia so
Lniious to bear, perchance. 1’oor fath-
T it Is a sore trial for him that he Is knew well bow to handle. They had not
Lsble to go to Washington’* aid. and long to wait. The soldiers came through
Ls uo sous to send. If I were only a the streets killing the inhabitants and
burning their homes, headed by Arnold
|lt>v dow T
I -Her black eye* sparkled and her himself. Elizabeth saw her poor old
Lbeeks grew red at the thought.
father shot down before her. and Dor ,
| - Would you go. Elizabeth?’ asked thy fell In a faint across his prostra «■
body. Quick as a Hash she raised her
Lite other.
I •• Indeed 1 would. I do so long to do musket and. aiming straight at Arnold,
Lmethlng for our country.’
fired, but the shot missed and before
| - But war Is dreadful,’ said the oth- she could try again it was wrested
L and her cheeks grew pale at the from her ami she found herself in the
Lry thought. ’1 am sure I never could power of two stalwart soldiers.
’’ ’So you would shoot the general.’
F • Thee would not need. Dorothy; said one.
Lome one would have to stay with
** ‘I would kill a murderer and a trai
ftther. thee knows. Thee Is a dear tor!’ answered she. scornfully.
Lhlld and 1 am sure thee love, our
’’ ‘You shall pay for that, you hussy.’
country as much as 1.’
he cried.
' -The mother of these girls was a
"But over Arnold’s face swept a
lyuaker. and the elder often used the flush of shame.
What his thoughts
were as be looked at the face of the
girl no one knows, but Ills better nature
conquered.
“ ’Unhand the girl!’ he commanded.
’I give you your life,' he said, turning
to Elizabeth, ’and remember that Bene
diet Arnold can appreciate bravery,
even In an American girl.’ and he rode
on with a wave of his hand.”
"Are you sure that is a real, true
story, grandma?" asked the girl.
"Quite sure, dearie, for Elizabeth told
It to me herself, and Ellziilieth was my
grandmother.”—Detroit Free Press.
“'YOU SHALL PAY FOR THAT,
HUSSY!’ HE CRIED.”
YOU
I
quaint form of speech when talking to
tlie younger. It came front her as a sort
of a caress.
"Just then the door opened, and t'le
father entered.
He was a ntan well
past seventy, with hair as white as
»now. His bright eyes were not yet
d.tn. and there was a very striking re-
semblance between him and his elder
daughter.
•
" What news, father?' asked Eliza
beth.
■“Nothing. Nothing new. except that
the English, led by the traitor. Arnold,
have been raiding the country again.
That Is old now, but a runner Just came
with a fuller story.’
"Elizabeth’s eyes flashed fire at the
mention of Arnold, for the colonies
«ere very bitter against this man that
Lad been false to them.
" 'I wish I could go.’
‘”1 wish thee could, child.’ answered
| the father, as he took his place at the
table.
’’The next morning after doing the
usual work Dorothy took her knitting
»nd sat by the door, while Elizabeth
brought the wheel from the corner and
began to spin.
‘"When these are finished there will
be six pair.’ said Dorothy, as she held
up a sock she was working on. They
«ill help some poor soldier next win
ter.'
’Yes we can help that way. and
glad they will l>e. I am sure,’ answered
her sister, as she started the wheel
buzzing.
.
”A few moments later the door was
darkened, and as they looked up In sur- |
Pri»e at the breathless man that stood
there, be gasped out:
’’ The fort is attacked, and If It falls
the town will t>e sacked.' and before
they could say a word he was gone.
’ What shall we do?' moaned Doro
’hy. but Elizabeth was at work. She
hastily collected what few valuables 1
’bey bad and made them Into a small |
bundle Then, running a short distance
from tlie house, she bld them In the
hollow of s tree.
I do not think they will find them
here, she said. ‘Cheer up, Dorothy, '
't>p fort has not yet fallen, and many '
,r»ve and true men sre behind those
»»Ila'
I bey could not work, but sat In the
' srway waiting and watching and
1 L ng to tbelr nelghliors. who were
•
anxiously waiting
soon their father csnte In. his face
drawn and pale, but his eyes were
‘ '
•' pry went up ns a soldier
" running through the streets.
'•'«1 help the town? be cried. The
ft baa surrendered and the British
- mnr lereii tl>e general and nios’
me i The traitor, Arnold. Is in
command”
T • re was confusion at once Every
r*°n able to hold a musket got
-• ’ha- they ktf* *
' old lie useless, but they looked for
m»r. y. ,nd they determined to sell
jt’-.r I tea as dearly as possible. Doro
t ,. '**
fainting from fright,
».betb follow««! her father’s
a“'ple and took down a gun that th*
that to .imply "touch the button“ com
prises the whole art of photography,
and that when failure follow* you can
«lake good your want of success by
i blaming the maker of the lens and the
maker of the plates.
Never forget that a weak, flat nega
tive Is probably due either to over-ex
posure or too weak a developer; that
one with too great contrasts is due ei
ther to under exposure or too rapid or
too strong a developer.
Never be saving of developer; It coats
but a trifle compared to the plates.
Vse a liberal quantity to fully cover
plate.
Never expect success from snap
shots In heavy and deep shadows. Pho
tography does wonders in these days,
but It will not give you a picture of de
tails found only In dark corners.
Never expect good results from old
plates, from which only flat and un
satisfactory results can lie expected.
Just how old may be old It Is difficult
to state; one year Is quite enough to
lead to suspicion.
With Many Centenarian* It Was the
Favorite Form of Exercise.
Some of Them Probably M orketl
Hypnotizing Observer*.
• mn’S KTX Mart« CUT.
qUABTWBK» oak CUT.
The ■susrul eshSe has but a faHM tastwtai rTs*
'
and quartered oak really are. X. ., matter of fart the secret be. eat.rely 1» th.
method of rutting <>r ».win«
tint »-r
The bird's-eye figure in maple 1« produced by ruttine irnnod tod around
the log and eon’inmn« nn’d the log * used op. A hue*» ku.fr. and not a MW. '■
,i.ed for the purpose, and the wood is really peeled off It ke a <rrat »having, hru»*»
proluce tbi» figure,
bird’s-eye vmeer* yard* in length are mad*. Few
That obtained from the • igar a
• i® the finest in thia country.
Curly walnut ia the root and that p >rt cn of the trunk just sb-«’» th. gross«!.
The log a aa<»d n the ordinary w aj I urly ws nut is obtained from al! the
’’bartered oak ia produced by .a wins the log into qo.rter.-ben,,-the name,
fhe^ quarter» are then -awed m’o board, from the nrmmfereme toward h.
enter and ’has •
**
f,‘: 1*Br* '“
1 "•k. ’ b
out. The wa.'e canard by th., method of sawing >a what make* tha qsAtsr-
aawed timber so expenai’».
riesssnt
Incidents
Occnrrinu
H>s
XX or Id Over— Kay in*» that Are Cheer
ful to Old or
Young
Funny Selec
tions that Everybody Will Enjoy.
"You say she I* a good business
woman?"
"Oh, splendid. Incomparable. She let*
absolutely nothing drive business out
of her head Why. just before Harold
started for Europe he pro|v»sed to her
by letter ami asked her to telegraph her
answer.”
"Well?"
“Well, most people would have tele-
graphed ‘Yes’ or "No.' but she had
enough of a buslnes* head to wire: 'It
affords me great plettaure to say yes
to yon.' thus preventing the telegraph
company ir-un getting any advantage
of her in charging for a ten word mes
sage."—Brooklyn Eagle
In the Cheap Cafe.
Walter W'at yer goln’ ter have?
Customer (undecided)—Oh, I don't
know.
Walter icalllng back to the kitchen)—
One hash.
The
Dustman.
He—My wife Is strictly orthodox In
her religious beliefs.
She— Is that so?
He Ye«; she thinks I am made of
"dust."
Never Stopped.
by
Walking appears to be the form of
The conjurer threw a woman, almost
physical exercise most favored by cen nude. Into a kind of cataleplc state
tenarians. It is related of one Mac of rigidity.
Four of our officers’
; Donald, who died In Highlands, Scot swords were then fixed, points up-
land. In 1701. aged 101: "He was a ■ward. In the ground. The woman was
great pedestrian, and the year before laid with her elbows on two sword
lie died, at the age of 100, undertook points, her heels on the other two.
on a wager to walk ten miles iu two Three swords were then removed, and
hours and a half, which lie performed. ' she lay, horizontal and rigid, »upport-
He was accordingly presented to the ' cd by one elbow, on one sword point.
king at Windsor."
My friend and the surgeon of the reg
Colonel George Perkin*. of Norwich, iment examined her carefully, feeling
Conn., who died thirteen years ago, all around her body, but they could
aged list. made a practice of walking ! discover no supports.
four miles a day until within a few
The Emp. ror Jeliauglr Is not tlie only
years of his death. Mary Wilkinson of , recorder of the rope trick; an eye-wit-
COLDS MAY BE INFECTIOUS.
Yorkshire. England, who In 1788 died j ness of the thirteenth century describes
But
Medical Man Gives Reasons for Sup at 10!». walked to Ixvndon when she | it in Col. Yule's "Marco I’olo.”
posing This to Be the Case.
was past 90. The distance was 230 he admits that a friend standing be
We all speak of "catching” cold, and miles. She made It In five days and side him saw no rope, aud no man
the belief that an ordinary coltl is three hours. Mary McDonnell, a vig climbing It; so. probably, this Arab ob
"caught” In the same sense as an In orous old woman of Magberatempany, server was hypnotized, as Klin. In Mr.
fectious disease and In no other way Ireland, in 1784, w lien 117, walked Kipling’s book, was not. when he was
seems to be gaining ground among fourteen miles.
told to see the broken vase made
Sally Morris, who recently died near whole. But It neetlevl all of Kim's res
medical men. Dr. II. Willoughby Gard
Parkersburg. W. Va.. nt the age of 113. olution not to see whilt he was told to
ner writes In The I.ancet:
"Colds are almost unknown In the had. up to two years previous to her see. A lady, well known In literature,
Arctic circle, not on account of the death, walked twenty miles to town has told me that Indian conjurers oft
en ask the spectators to watch a mon
action of the continuous cold, but be and back one day In each week.
A conspicuous number of centenari key's polished skull being swung round
cause the greater part of that region
Is uninhabited.
When Sir William ans have enjoyed their favorite sports liefore they Ivegin to perform, and she
Conway aud Ills men were exploring and pastimes even In tbelr very last thinks that the watching causes a kind
Spltzbergen. though they were exposed days. Sieu Dason de Veger of Lour- of glamor. 1 have not elsewhere heard
to great privations aud were almost day. Frame, who died In 1744, aged of this.
The Pawnees are said by an official
constantly wet through, they never 118. "rode hunting fifteen days before
caught a cold, but directly they came bis death." Bartholomew Rymer, a eye-witness to do the mango tree trick
down to Andree's settlement on the Yorkshire gamekeeper who ended a unalze doing duty for mango treel
coast, where some forty men were liv century of vigorous life in 1791, “shot without contact, so that palming Is im
ing In almost constant intercourse with game flylug iu Ills 99th year.” One possible. This rather needs corrobora
the mainland, they all developed vio Hastings, an Englishman, dying In tion. Andrew Laug in Longman s.
lent colds. Nansen and Ills meu never 1(150. "rode to the death of a stag when
A <’<s»tly Dog.
caught a cold during all the three near 90." In the last century of his
The other day my wife and I made
years of bls voyage, notwithstanding life he was a fisherman and swam the
the pretext of an errand the excuse for
the utmost exposure, but directly they river after be was 100.
All these instances, says the Roches sailing on the blue waters of Shnna-
reached civilization on the coast of
Norway, though still within the Arctic ter Post Express, prove the value of shank Bay. and engaged old Captain
circle, they all suffered badly from out-of-door exercise as an aid in the Little, nt the customary price of 50
cents an hour, to take us across to a
colds. The weather Is not always keen prolongation of life.
village on the opposite shore. With
and bracing in the Arctic regions; dur
Division of Labor.
the Captain always went bls dog Tas
ing the summertime In Franz Josef
Helene—How long did you stay In so. ns Indispensable companion, rather
Laud, at any rate. It Is exceedingly Paris on your trip to France?
than ns necessary crew. Arrived at
damp, aud raw. mist-laden east winds
Emma -Oh, a week altogether.
the village, the errand wa* promptly
prevail; yet the menders of the Jack-
Helene- But. surely, you could not
sou-Harmsworth
expedition
never take In everything In such a short j done ami we were ready to depart,
! but the dog could not be found. We
caught a cold there, though all but two time'.
called and whistled, and sought him
cf them did so directly they reached
Emma—But we did all the same. You
civilization. More noteworthy still see. there were three of ua. Mamma high and low; until at last, at the end
were Conway's experiences In the took In the picture galleries, I studied ’ of a good half hour, lie strolled on to
Himalayas While amongst the moun the shops and things, and papa exam the dock, calm and unruffled, and
tains lie and his men. notwithstanding ined the local color in the cafes.—New without a suspicion of malevolence In
eye or action. The sail was thereupon
great exposure, never caught cold; nor York Times.
I resumed, aud the captain, who Is a
did they even when they visited the
When a woman has company, she good skipper, after lalwrlously pushing
small remote native villages; but once
they came down to a village where apologizes for every thing she put* on us off a snnd bar on which he had In
there was a smnll European settlement the table, and when no one is there but advertently grounded, finally drew up
at the w harf, at the end of three hours
In communication with the outer world her family, she defend* It
from the time of departure. "Well,
captin,” we said, "you have given us a
good sail. How much Is It?" "Waal.”
said the captain, 'Tt ll t»e a dollar and
a half. We've been gone Jest three
hour*. Ye aee." he continued, "It took
us half an hour to look up that dog.”—
Harper’s Magazine.
“CURLY” WOOD AND QUARTER SAWING.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Gver 1 dropiHsI my watch In the riv
er and didn’t recover It for three days.
It kept on running, though.
Myer I’shaw! A watch won't run
for three days.
Gyer of course not. 1 was speaking
cf the river.
inGmfii.ti.o
PIRC HAS RAVAGED FORESTS.
First Senator— Something seems to ba
-----------
troubling Jones
T*** Tremendou» Wasta In Forty Tsars
II c Coll, agtx See that woman with
the eyeglasses aud the stern smile lu
’le r*‘I*ort of the examination of tba
the gallery?
"Cascade Range and Ashland Forest
••v , » ••
Reserves and Adjacent Itegloaa," by
"That’s his w Ife. and he’s got a worn J. B. Lei berg. Is a part of the twenty-
an suffrage bill In his po- kt-t. lledoesn't first auuual report of the L'ulted State«
know whether to introduce It and get Geological Survey, and la edited by
roasted or to alt still aud m<-et her when Henry Gannett, geographer.
The region discussed lu this report
the session's over.”
Is lu Southern Oregon. It contains
"What w ill he do?”
"Oh, he ll introduce IL"—Detroit Free nearly 8,uuo square miles, 4,tJ7»J,3UO
acres, comprising the central aud up
Press.
per areas of Rogue aud Klamath river
Feminine Trio.
basins and a small part of the water-
"The most troublesome member of slied of the upper South Vrnpqua river
my flock." said the parson, "Is the and Is divided Into two nearly equal
young woman who wants a husband.” portions by the utalu range of the Cas
"My most troublesome client," said cades.
the lawyer, "is a mkldle-aged woman
The eastern and western slopes have
who wants a divorce.”
many dissimilar characteristics, the
" The most troublesome patient I country dropping ou the west lu long
have." said the physician, "is a spin spurs to the valley of the Rogue river
ster of uncertain age vv ho doesu’t know and on the east lu steeper declivities
what she want*."—Chicago New*.
to the Klamath lakes and the great
plains stretching eastward from them.
1 mprovement.
"Don't you think," I Inquired of ’he 1 lie mean elevation Is tl.iXMJ feet. The
prosperous looking man w ith the heavy character of the Cascade range Is vol
mustache ami watch chain, who was canic, the coues and peaks being of
dressed In the 14-lncb balk line suit, different ages, and extinct craters
alHiundlng utuong them, the one con
"that the world Is getting better?"
’ Sure!" he n-plled, w ith the frank en taining the famous Crater lake.
The Ashland forest reserve consist*
thusiasm of sui t es*. "Not ouly better,
of SKklyou peak, or Ashland Butte,
but easier."—Puck.
luvarly 8.000 feet above sea level, and
Goinu to Extremes.
contains over 22.000 acres. The ob
Bloblia—Wigwag is a great stickler
ject of this reserve Is to maintain the
for harmony.
volume nnd purity of Ashland creek,
Slobbs—Yes. he’s even going to mar
the water supply of the town of Ash
ry Mlaa Oldglrl because lie think* she land
The Siskiyou mountain range
would go well with his antique furni forms a connecting link betweeu the
ture.—Philadelphia Record.
Coast range aud the Cascades.
In this region the same general con
Not in His Liar.
"William, wake up!" she whispered. ditions prevail as In the Mount Rai
"I’m sure I heart! a burglar downstairs. nier reserve. The crest of the range
forms a dividing line between two
You'd better go down and see."
"My giMHltiess, woman," he replied, vv Idely differing set* of forest condi
sleepily, "what a low opiulon you must tions. Upon the west, with au ample
have of me! I'm not In the habit of rainfall, the forests are fairly dense
hobnobbing with burglars "—Catholic mid the undergrowth luxuriant. Upon
the east, where more arid conditions
Standard and TTinea.
prevail, the forests are open, with uo
Well Brought Up.
underbrush.
Grateful Parent -What can 1 do, sir,
Fires have widely ravaged this re
to show my gratitude? You havs gion. says the New York l’ost. Of the
savetl tny daughter from drowning
forested area examined, lu round num
Rescuer Don't thank me.
Thank ber* 3,900,900 acres, Lelberg estimate*
yourself. She owe* her life, and 1 owe that 2,975,000 acte* or 99 99 per cent
mine, to the filet that you brought her are fire marked; am! that of this tlre-
up In Boston.
niarked area, 587.000 acres are badly
"Eh?”
burned. That Is to sny, within the
"It Is very simple. Most girl* would last forty years, settlement clearings
grab a rescuer by the neck, and both not Included. 7,000.000,000 feet of mer
would be drowned, but your daughter chantable mill timber ha* been de
modestly waited for an Introduction.— stroyed by Are.
New York Weekly.
Friendly Tip.
"Oh. dear!" exclaimed the girl at the
ribbon counter, “rm so tired. I do
wish I could sit down somewhere.”
"1 wish to gtxMlni’ss you would go
over and sit on that frosh floor-walker,”
said the hairpin demonstrator.
Horrid Fear.
"Well." said the girl’s father, sternly,
after the timid suitor had finally stated
his ease, "do you think you could sup
port a family, young man?”
"Gee whizz!" exclaimed the youug
man. "have you lost your Job?”
Didn't Do 'I Itin*» by llnlve*.
One Way of Putting It.
Nell Have you heard the news about
Ethel? She has got a position as a dish
washer.
Bell You don’t mean It!
Nell Yes. I do; she is going to marry
Charlie Thompson.
Tried to Explain It.
Mr. Flatlelgh Yes; l’ui a self made
man.
Professor Studioala—Er uni get the
material at a bargain sale?
"Ixvt's take a sail.”
’’No; let's take de whole boat”
The Brutal Hex.
“Johnnie 1s such a strenuous boy."
remarked the fond mother. "He hasn’t
Mt still a minute this whole blessed
day.”
"Hull!’’ growled her bachelor brother,
"If he was my kid he wouldn't be able
to sit at all for a week.”
Gave Themselves Away.
She—And I tint really and truly the
first girl you ever kissed?
He—Do you doubt It. darling?
She—Yes; your mtutner savors of long
experience.
He—How do you know It does?
He Hpnke from Experience.
Nothing Lacking.
Bobby l‘n. what do they call a man
who has two wives?
Pu—A bigamist. Bobby.
Bobby l*n. Hiip|H>se he Im* more
than two wives; whnt Is he then?
I’ll A hopeless idiot! Now don't
bother me with any more questions.
Miss Millyun One can be very happy
In tills world with health ami money.
Young Dtslbroko- -Then let's be made
one. I have the health and you have
the money. London Tit Bits.
llrr Hide of It.
That Altered (lie Case.
'
j
I
1
Stern Father Didn’t I tell you not to
call iignln. sir?
Suitor I know; blit 1 didn't call to
see your daughter. I came on belnilf
of our firm nbout that little bill
"
Stern
Father Er it call again.
please.
Makin« It Heavier.
“I wonder why the humorists do not
write any Jokes almut the sou In law,"
observed tlie curious person.
"For the simple reason." replied the
mother of the bride, "tlmt a son In law
Is no joke."
An L'nplraannt Precedent.
Manager I'm afraid this piny Isn't
quite heavy enough.
Playwright Well, we might Increase
the wait between the arts. I'hiladel
pill» Record.
Had I'romi«.<-«l to Be.
Hurry Was Hint your sister I saw
with you last evening?
Dlek Worse than that. She lias
promised she will be. Boston Tran
script.
“All the members of the English roy
An Undesirable Job.
nl family have been vaccinated."
Weary Willie Say, Tatters, how 'ml
"I wonder if that establishes a prece
you like ter la- a angel?
dent ?"
Tired Tatters Nay, nay. Weary Not
"What sort of a precedent?”
"One which forces the King's family me.
Weary Willie—'Coe why. Tatters?
to bare arms " Cleveland Plain Dealer
Tired Tatter»-’Cos den I’d have
Through Ills Nose.
wings an' It 'ud be too much like work
‘‘(’holly Llglitpnyte has changed doc a flappln' 'em nil tie time.
tors."
'What was the trouble with the ol<l
Certainly • < onductor.
one?"
John Philip Sousa, tlie bandmaster,
"Cholly thought what ailed him was usually wears hl* uniform at all tlmra
smoking clgaroots on tin empty ittoni- and seiisonn, and prefers that bl* men
acb, but when he asked the doctor do the same. A Buffalo paper My*
Royal Family of Boxers.
Boxing is a favorite sport of the Dan almiit It the doctor told him It was that the practice ha* led to some very
ish royal family. Prince Yaldemar be smoking them through an empty h<-nd." amusing ex|>erlence«, and gives the
ing the best boxer among them When — Chicago Tribune.
following as an Instance;
he challenged the late Emperor Alexan
tine night Mr. Sousa was standing in
Had Reached the Limit.
der 111. of Russia, however, be met
Mickey Wot made yer quit yer Job. a railway station, on the platform,
more than hts match. King George of
waiting for a train. A belated traveler
Jimmy?
Greece Is also skilled with the gloves.
Jimmie Cos do l»oss lui'l a record of ran up to him ami aslrevl excitedly,
The present Emperor of Russia, on his all me relations wot dlml Inst sum "Ila* the nine three train pulled out?"
travel* around the world, used to have mer. an’ lie wouldn't let me use none of
"I really don’t know." responded Mr.
a bout with Prince George of Greece
’em over again. If I don't git a new Sousa.
every morning on the bridge of the job I can’t see no ball game* Judge
“Well, why don’t you know?" shout
| steamer.
ed the traveler. “What are you stand
Fnnting the Hill.
ing here for like a stick of wins!?
Ixtwest Temperalere Mark.
Tell tor (Just getting on train with va
Teisser* ne de Bert, the Frem h aero llsei What do you want now? Do you Aren't you a con<Ju<-tor?"
“Yes." »aid Mr. House, pleasantly,
naut. has aecured the lowest tempera aupfiose 1 11 stay In this town sftrr Ito
"1 am a conductor."
ture mark on re >n1 72 degrees .entl Ing tarre-1 ami feathered?
“A nice sort of a conductor. Indeed!"
grade «r 97 •• degrees Fahrenheit. The
Citizen No; and Lhat’s Just why I
reading «»» reg stored <>n a thermome want you to pay this bill. That wa* tny exclaline«! the man.
“Well, you see," smilingly respond
ter In a trial balloon «ent up recently, tar they us«!
ed the musician. "I am not the conduc
a hlch rose to a height of 3M i»»I feet.
Double V ision.
tor of » train, but of a brass band "
Judge—Have I not semi you twice be
Blind Asylum In Ceylon.
Elocution I* more desirable tfiau
It has te-en de« Ided to found an eye fore under th«- Influence of liquor?
hospital and an asylum for the blind
Defendant- If you were In that condi piauo playing, for the reason that with
iss < eylon s memorial to the late Queen tion. your honor, you probably did elo ution. the father of the girl Isu't
I con11>ellml to buy a piano.
a
*
aee me twice i’b.ladelphla Press.
O
There are ns many different dialects
spoken In China as In Europe.
China raises and consumes more
ducks than any other country In the
world.
Titanium Is the hardest metal. It
looks like copper, but will scratch rock
cryataL
It take« 2.800 silk worms to make a
IKvund of silk, and these worms eat 150
IHiunds of leaves before they spin their
eocoon».
In Santa Clam, Cal., there Is a church
constructed from the wood of a single
i oak tree. The building Is thirty feet
w ide and seventy feet deep, yet when
Its construction was completed LLUO
feet of lumber remains unused.
Many of the fruits and vegetables
now eaten In England were almost un
known to our forefathers. Not until
Henry VIII.'s time were either raspber
ries or strawberries or cherries grown
In England, nnd we do not read of the
turnip, cauliflower and quince being
cultivated before the sixteenth century,
or the carrot before the seventeenth
century.
The Belgian consul general at Chi-
cago lias made a re|>ort on the magni
tude of the commerce of cereals there,
from which the following figures are
extract«*!. It Is not every American
who realizes the enormous business
done. In the first place, the Hour ia
expresseil In terms of wheat by calling
one barrel of flour the m]Ulvalent of
live bushels of wheat The figures of
arrivals show that 32LOÜO.U<X) bushels
of grain were received In the last sta
tistical year. Wheat In bulk was re-
eclv e«l to the amount of 31.000.000 bush
els. and maize to the amount of 134,-
UUtl.iW.
Few pcoph* have any Idea of the enor
mity of the Insurance business of the
l'ulted States. It not ouly exceeds that
■>f any other country, but Is twice as
great as that of all the rest of the world
combined. At the present time there Is
In tlie United Htates about *12JXM).0(X),-
<»») of life Insurance In force. Including
assessment business. Tills means over
JliiO for every man, woman and child
in the country, or $■•*<) for every family.
The annual risks written by the fire
Insurance companies are estimated at
100,000,000,000, which is 1250 per cap
ita. or fl.250 per family. Thus it will ba
seen that every family In the country
on an average has Insurance assets of
over »2,000.
A Kansas Oetosenarlan.
Squire L. D. Chaddon. of Wellington,
Kan., who celebrate«! his eighty-fourth
birthday recently, when a boy used to
go Into the woods after squirrel* with
Roecve Conkling. He chewe«l tobacco
for half a century, and then quit. 11«
finds bls pipe « comfort. He never
took a drink of red liquor at a liar.
After sixty years of married life, Mrs.
Chaddon still does all her own house
work, except the fnmlly washing, an«!
the squire says he has to rea<! the riot
act once In a while to head her off from
doing that.
Met Their Match.
Clarence Well, were your friends.
Mrs. Hobloi and Mrs. Dobbs, cong«-u-
lai?
Clara—Oh. Clarence, each found an
opportunity to tell me that the otb»r
was the biggest talker she had ever
met I »etrolt Free PreM.
H|>a«l*‘* M««le n*,ni H«»r»r»hoe«».
Chinese spade* from British burse-
■ hoes sounds like an absurd statemeut.
but the fact I* that sbiphvaiU of old
horseshoes leave I^vndon for China.
All these come tiack to I.oodon In the
form of »pa«les. having been ao trans
formed by the ing<*nl<>us natives.