HOUSE.
THREE NEW SHIRT WAISTS.
to the centra! station after
WHY THEY DID NOT GO I returned
we SMILE. I
passing through the radiators of the ' suppose
”*J <r0’,n e*r
”
the rose and the Ulac grew.
'•*.1 i Twaxen chalice
bliif'»une tbe »“unuer’* .de<'
*b‘‘
REASONS MEN GAVE FOR STAY.
ING AWAY FROM CHURCH.
deep ■>“ the rOUi“1 1,0>r’
at ¡J* »ill, is coiuiug. g»-
One Had a Grievance Against a Mem
J«*'
ber and
When He Was
window .nd open door.
bon* *> J°a grle" *’ me“
„nld»ed things that
were
w7rt1’i/’"'*'1» 10fe WM °“e ti“e
TaVpne -W
C0B,e b‘Ck n°
rj-» o<de,j “the din
%on;«fp«^:ga“dt<°roibi5‘h
„‘turned dust? Ab. t
eth!
by tbe path 1» » ««>• b'"'
th. .unsbine a fragile f«<*-
« root that »»me dead
^blXin the dear home place.
cht they whom the old bouse
ft'^nld fade »» the leave, that
'¡id their d.y «nd .re all forgot-
flower hs. outlived them all!
iviiikee Sentinel.
A SACRIFICE
ock ool
ndiy m
-etwewi I
atch tol
rerninf I
econfira
ersons w
. th ’ sortii
Fire, trta
and tn
crini lei
rv in pm
Patirai«
i the pl
roved. 1
in chiraa
ompatudl
d the là
uge o( M
■nt«L
2J.-Ü«
ring the 1
irailroad I
ers toff“!
The J
suit witil
mayor a
ng the «
Eastern »
ore
ith the A
i move oí fl
ograph i’fl
r -y-tei I
on toseR
ulty «J
e until R
the E** I
’tkis.
pite of
tines*1**
retarti
palace. &
hunting
nr ■«« ’
I coop. r
e I
eign
precatS*
i.-an
Utile"
■ ' I
; -tat*- **5
pan-A?J
HE young man stood with his
Mek to the fire and his bauds
Ibnlgt into his trouser pockets.
Unglej sat on the loungo sob-
hpterieally. Her busbaud. Col-
Langley. strode up and down the
angrily displacing various chairs
hl’s, »bile the boy’s cousin, for
s not much more than a boy in
tried to pacify the trio.
r !>t, sir; go your own way; go
way and be ---- The last
was lost as the door slammed be-
the Irate Colonel.
Ted! How can vou be so fool-
said Mrs. Langley, brokenly,
can you dream of marrying a
r, uneducated dancer?"
itber," replied the boy. sternly,
re Madge Baptiste, and whether
e a dancer or a duchess, a million-
i or a retired shopkeeper’s daugh-
it can matter to no oue but my-
jif 1 really love her.”
« mother recommenced her hys-
»I cries. The cousin, a fair, pretty
about his own agg. went to him
rested her hand on his shoulder.
Idy. say no more now, but come
tue. Let us think the matter over
dy."
ie next evening Gwendoline stole
tly from tbe house and drove to
theater where Madge Baptiste
ed nightly.
was dusk when she arrived. She
up her card, telling the commls-
lire that her business was urgent,
xuroed with the information that
] Baptiste would see Miss Harper
la tew minutes. Thou she found
ktiaa small and dainty dressiug-
■ Clouds of soft, silken petticoats
[here and there. A large jar of
lers itoorl on the mantelpiece, ami
[dressing table was cover«l with
)r powder boxes, scent bottles, and
ke-up" utensils. Photographs of
rs, painters, and poets stood in
y available corner; old programs
■ooden frames and oue or two etcLi-
■ hung on tbe walls.
Bfore a large mirror stood Miss
ige Baptiste arranging her hair.
Ih. come in. Miss—Harper. Excuse
■ untidy »tate of the room. 1 think
111 And a chair. Let tne see. I don't
Ik 1 have met you before- perhaps
I »re a Journalist, or---- ”
l'o. I haven't ever met you before,”
■mered Gwendoline, “I—came—I
U yon know my cousin. Mr. Lang-
T She felt her face growing red.
I did not know why she blushe I,
[this vivacious, beautiful girl fright
fl her. She had exp«'ted to find
p a different woman—a vulgar, ill-
B woman.
fir Langley? T«ldy! O. yes, I
|w him well. So you are his cousin?
psed to meet you—be is not Hl, I
Ie?"
Ko. he ia not 111.”
b. that's all right. Ted and I are
A of each other, you know; In fact,
think of getting married soon - at
R. be thinks of it. I didn't know
h* I a cousin, such a pretty cousin.
! with a laugh; “he kept that a
I really came to speak about It—
pt this marriage," said Gwendoline,
ftously. “You know bis people---- ”
p"' Madge Baptiste turned sharply
P regarding herself In tlie mirror.
II understand! They have heard—
MP’ he told them; he said he
Rid They object—ah? And you?"
drew a chair opposite the girl, nnd
Idoivti. and rest«! her arms on her
P* with her face between her hands,
only bis cousin—we have been
»always. I .»id I would see you,
[tell you that bis father and mother
.
that he was merely a boy
ye»—I 1 know— - don't go on." She
led Gwendoline up and down, Sue
her youth; she guess«! the real
of her visit. “Ted 1» a boy in
I know, but he Is a man for all
*• He is 22 and I am 23. Besides.
■ only a dancer, and he is Colonel
rj s son
Please understand I
no-wiab to—marry hlm-if hit
* object. I will tell him he must
y *nJ n»t see me again. I shall
• ,n at first. 1 expect. A dancer'i
i " * lonely one. you know. She
.
friends, and unless she----
Jo’re 1» the call boy. Well, good
“J 'I I don't see-Teddy-again-
to hlm-for
nie "
h.. «. by ...........
..
me.
fl n o Harper had risen, and was
*. tan ” Baptiste'» hands lu
tears ran down her
i
?' ',oo t P|p»»e! How cruel
laiir'*1
a,e* * didn't mean to—
'
n *■ But his mother was so
IteK^i
y0U **** a~
1 ,,r*am yon really cared
*** »hall marry you! I know
the
Other
W a.
Surfeited
Young -Observation,
of a Country Minister.
consumers, with a eooipiiratbely small
loss In temperature.
One occaslou In an Ohio town, with
over two mile, of uialns. Hnds that the
loss In temperature Is only 35 degreed
wheu water la sent out at a tempera
ture of DM degrees.
The temperature of the water circu
lated is modified to suit the weather
conditions. When It Is very cold the
temperature of the water sent out from
the c tri tral statlou la made higher, and
■ the pumps which force It through the
mains are made to work faster. In
this manner a uniform temperature Is
maintained at all times, despite mark
ed changes In the weather. The com
pany guarantees to maintain a giveu
temperature
within 2 per ceut
I
Of course the freedom from dirt,
ashes and other Are troubles are also
desirable features. As the water Is
used over and over again the central
company, particularly If the system is
conducted as an adjunct of a power
station, can furnish the service at a
comparatively moderate price. In the
latter case, says the Philadelphia Rec
ord. the exhaust steatu furnishes near
ly If uot all of the heat required.
1
■ LITTLE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO.
He was a young minister whose
charge la in the country, and he was
talking aliout the decline In church at-
tendance.
"It is we preachers In tbe rural dis
tricts," said be, “who have a chance to
get at the real reason» why people stay
»way. Of course, we have no data
that would help solve tbe problem as it
presents Itself In the cities, but. beiug
privileged In the country to talk to oue
and all, we get reasons at first band.
Some of them are Interesting and when
analyzed they are more likely than uot
The new
shirt wai,ts show «»«t ‘»riety of style. Many are cut with yoke
,
.
Many are cut with yoke. to resolve themselves Into personal dis
but almost aa many are without. Borne have the yoke both m front and ba k.' | like to churehgoing or to some one tn
The fashionable shirt waist Is unquestionably the white one. both th,, k and thin
the church.
Ze’ /"n
T‘
r
’tHrt "‘i-'
m'dr“
‘■•'•»T '*aen ha.
"There was an old farmer in one dla-
hick h. t
"
f“** ,r* n,a'1' W>th >wia,*<*1 ’“>■’»• ’'th plain yokes at the
back, but the majority have no yoke nt all. The waists are all made to give the | trlct where I preached who had tbe
reputation of never going to ebureh. He
Tmr'Vl’t Th e /“t! ‘D fr°Ut’ The’le*ve*
« little larger than those of 1.«
Tear and tbe fullness is arranged at tbe top to give the broad »bouldered effect. was a p«'ullar old fellow who seldom
lbe more elaborate waists are attractive, and most of them button in tbe had much to »ay. but one day 1 went
back, jliey have lace collars, while tbe cuffs are finished with a little edge of to »ee him. and In the course of tbe
lace and are really nothing but a band around the wrist. All kinds or stitching
conversation ask«i w hy be never came
tucking and fancy buttons are used.
to hear my sermon».
"He was silent for a minute, and then
he loves you---- ” and then she burst wines are served to Chinese as well as said: 'I did go to church once, and I 1
wasn't treated right and I ain't t>een
out crying.
American customers, together with the
“Miss Baptiste! Curtain's waiting! finest and most expensive foods, In there since. It was wheu they was hav-
Hurry up!" yelled a small youth at the average Chinese restaurant in In' revival up in the white schoolhouse,
and things were getting pretty warm.
the door.
those cities good board can be had by
“Let it wait; can’t come!" replied the the Chinese for from $15 to $30 a I went there one night and sat next
the window. After awhile they got
dancer, curtly. Then In a soft gentle month, and these restaurants are large
to the shoutin’ part, and one old wom
voice to Gwendoline: “Don't cry. dear, ly patron zed. As a rule, the China
an got to runnln* up and down the aisle,
you have been ever so kind. 1 know men are compelled to lodge In mean
shoutin' and askin' everybody to come
you meant well in coining. But I don’t quarters; but In New York and San
up and pray.
think I had better see him again; you'll Francisco there are a number of well-
make a much better wife than I---- ” appoint«! homes occupied by the fami “ 'I sat there and look«1 on till I saw
she was tnnkln' for me. nnd then 1 look
There was a suspicious break in her lies of well-to-do Chinese merchants,
ed for a way out. Tbe window was
voice.
which the American seldom or never open, and the first thing I knowed I was
“No. no," said Gwendoline, between sees. In New York there is an apart-
goiu' out of it. As I struck the ground
her sobs, blushing violently; “I never nient-liouse. up-to-date In every re 1 heard old Elder Abbadusky. that sat
thought of that—I only care for him spect. occupied hy Chinese families. right across the aisle from me. about.
as a sister,” but as she said it, »lie The Chinaman sticks as closely as he "There goes the devil out of the win
realized that she lied.
can to the traditions ami customs of dow." Now 1 don't consider that a re-
“Come, dry your eyes—why. I'm be Ills country, which are strange to the sp«'tful way for one man to speak of
ginning now! What a pretty pair we Occidental, and. therefore, a subject another, and I never went itack again,
are! Poor Ted! Why here are two for comment and often for derision.— and I don't Intend to till old Abba
girls each trying to make the other Forum.
dusky goes to glory.'
marry him---- "
“One day I went to see another man
HE HAD NO CASE.
"You—you—will marry him. Prom-
who was a very good man. but never
Ise! I shall never forgive myself—If The Judge Gives Reasons for Ruling went to church. He was a Scotchman
Against the Farm Bands.
you don't. I did not know you were
and when I asked him why he did not
so good and so beautiful---- ”
Justice does not always frown, to: attend he said: 'Young man. if you
"Why, how do you know It now? now and then a Judge will unbend and keep on going to church the way you do
Perhaps I am only humbugging you." Illuminate his decisions with the light now all your life, and if you live to be
"You are not—I see it in your eyes. of humor. Sterling B. Torrey, judge of 100 you will not have been to church as
tbe Circuit Court of Jefferson County, much as I have.’
You will marry him—won't you?"
“Wliat will 'father and mother' sa.v ?” Kentucky, is such a magistrate. Here
”1 ask«l what he meant.
“0, I’ll interview them,” laughed is the decision which he render«l In a
“ 'My father was a Scotch convenan-
suit brought by a farm hand against ter,' he said, 'and when 1 was a little
Gwen, drying her eyes.
“Even as you Interviewed me? Yes. his employer to recover damages for shaver we need to go to ebureh In tbe
I will marry Teddy If you really wish having poisoned himself with Paris morning iind stay all day. I would sit
it, but not else. I couldn’t hurt such green, which lie was ordered to put ou on those hard benches and listen to ser
potato-bugs. It was a hot day, and mons that I didn't understand. My
a good little thing as you.”
And then both women began to cry tbe man had turned back his shirt at legs would dangle over the floor till
the throat, exposing his eliest to the they ached.
again, holding each other's hands.
“ 'If I went to sleep there was always
The manager had to announce that poison. The Judge said:
The plaintiff exceeded the scope of a deacon or some one else to poke me
Miss Madge Baptiste was unable to
his employment in sprinkling Paris in the ribs and whlsperlngly Inquire If
perforin that night.
And Miss Gwendoline Harper also green elsewhere than on the potato I wanted to go straight to hell. That
announced, in Colonel Langley's draw vines. as bls special and ¿‘xcluslve was on Sunday.
“ 'Then there were prayer-meetings
ing-room. that Madge Baptiste and her agency was to kill the bug» Basking in
cousin Ted were quite right to marry tbe shade of said potato-vines; tbe during the week and one or two extras
each other, and that she would help plaintiff s act in allowing the defend of different »oris between. There was
ant's Paris green to come in contact always more church and more sermons
them through the ceremony.
And Ted kissed her and said she was with ills flesh. Instead of with the flesh when I would have given my boots to
a brick, and the Colonel hoisted tbe of tbe bugs, was unauthorized and ultra be out bunting.
vires; the mental and physical suffer “ 'That thing went on from the time
white flag.
And after it was all over, Gwendoline ing of which the plaintiff complains I was big enough to remember until I
sat in her bwlroom holding a photo of was the result of Ills own wrong In was 21. I made up my mind long be
her cousin in her band. And her tears misapplying the defendant's Paris fore I reached the latter age that when
splashed dismally on the fadeJ por green to purposes other than those for It came there would be no more church
trait. “I hope she will love him—as which he was employed to apply it, and for me. and there wasn't I haven't
much as I love him.” she said softly.— besides. Is damnum absque injuria; the been since. Now, really, dominie, do
plaintiff, in opening bis clothes and ex you wonder nt ft?’
Madame.
posing himself to the Paris green, was
"And." concluded the dominie, ac-
guilty of contributory negligence; tile cording to the New York lime», "1
EPICUREAN CHINAMEN.
plaintiff knew as well as the defendant can't say that I did."
Their Tables Have the Best the Ameri that Paris green wns poisonous. If he
can Markets Afford.
PASSING OF THE CASCO.
did not know thnt Paris green was a
The food bought by the Chinese liv poison, this suit should not have been
ing In America Is often quite as ex brought In his name, but by a guard Ancient Filipino Craft that Lighters
Will Soon Supplant.
pensive as that of the whites. Instead lan.
“The march of progress Is undoubt
of living almost altogether on rice and
Milk Kept In Frosen Chunks
edly going to be a great thing for the
chop auey, as Is the general Impres
There
are but few cows In Labra Filipino one of these day»." sa'd a
sion, Chinamen, being quite as fond of
meat as Americans, buy pork, beef, dor. No wonder. The nntlves procure man who got back from the islands
and chickens. Chop suey Is made to tlielr milk for tbe winter and then kill not long ago, to a New York Sun re
sell to curious white persons who visit tlielr cow». The milk Is kept In bar porter. "But one of the prices he's
Chinatown. In Hie vicinity of every rels. where it freezes nnd never threat got to pay for it Is the gradual wiping
ens to so i<- throughout the entire sea jut of picturesque customs and tradi
lnrge city where there Is any consid
son. When one wishes ntiy milk he tions of many centuries' standing. A
erable Chinese colony, there are truck
gardens devoted to raising vegetables has simply to go to the barrel and cut good example Is the passing of the
Filipino casco before the Improved and
exclusively for Chinamen from seed out a slice.
wholly
unbeautified lighter of western
Jefferson
Memorial
Road.
brought from their native land. These
Citizens of Albemarle County, Vir commerce.
vegetables are unknown to Americans.
"The casco Is a craft for coast and
Rut the Chinese also consume large ginia. have organized the Jefferson
quantities of the finer kinds of Ameri Memorial Road association for tbe pur- river commerce, and at the same time
|M>se of building a public boulevard the permanent home of its crew and
can vegetables.
The Chinaman has a sweet tooth, between Charlottesville ami Monticel commander, or patron, tbe former liv
also; and In the tiest Chinese restaur lo. where President Jefferson Iles ing forward and the latter aft. It is
a long, crude looking structure, hood
ants In San Francisco, New York. Chi burled. The road will be two miles
ed or covered with bamboo, and under
cago. and other large cities, the best of long, and Is expected to cost $20,000.
the manipulations of expert tmatnien
is capable of rather surprising agility.
Manila 1» not a city of good wharves,
nor Is Manila bay a deepwater har-
lx>r. lienee when big ships arrive their
cargoes must lie lighter«! ashore, and
this has been the casco's work for
ages.
The larger cascoes have a tonnage of
from 2i) to 100 tons and the smaller
ones, or casqtiltos, of from 8 to 20
tons, ami they range from 20 to Do feet
In length with a 12 -foot extreme beam,
nnd when loaded draw only 2!4 feet of
water. They are built of a light tough
wood grown In the province of Batatn.
which resembles teak and will last for
centuries on hfnd or water.
“Cascoes arc usually propelled by a
bamboo pole eighteen or twenty feet
long. In the hands of the husky Fili
pino river men. The (sdes are spiked
and padded ao the crews may place
them against tlielr shoulders to give
force to their pushes The crews num-
t>er from five to ten men. and they and
their families live almost wholly on
rice. flab, oysters, clams and shrimps.
Their pay Is a peao a day. about 50
cents. At night the low I« cleared
Ostrich» can travel at «rest speech This bat ioni lem known. anJ tbe -lay
and the deck spread with palm mata,
and on these nten. women and chil
sulkies and other light vehielea.
* "y
"
dren lie down like sardines In a bos.”
in Florid» and proved fro. tbe ___ rery^;
; and intelligent.
OSTRICH DRIVEN TO SULKY
sä
can-lag1* he del not “bock or kick.
ba< ked between the sbart« of a c—-----
-
young bora, ia apt to do. but stood ato 4iy aa though hi» ancestors
tions bad been obedient t. the bit and bndle After be was hsrnes
go..!
o.e .'»cl
«i while
while to
to impress
mpre on
on a
h s > mm.,
m nd the
f.ic. : that
.... hewouldI not ~ •[>">
f.st over country r.ad. and street» •• be wo.
k a
red
•
«
v
»r ’hem if* pr^piriuj to truo
rf th
farm«
im rass. tod some or n‘ n >r k K ie fiat i rire between u»rr
-
that sack ■ «port would eertmal» bee-.ae popu.ar-
y > c
a*’. .
• »
HOT WATER FOR HEATING.
Hosse Kept at a t nitorm Temperstsrs
During Cold Weather.
The supply of hot water for public
besting systems from a central station
Is growing In favor tn smaller towns
and It would seem to be the Ideal and
most economical method of heating,
even in large cities The hot water is
Feats that Seem Easy that Cannot Ila
Ac com pllshed,
A man cannot rise from a chair
without liendlng forward or putting
his feet under the chair or outside of
It. Many a man will back himself to
give another a start of fifty yards In a
race of 100, provided the man having
the start bops all the way. But uo
ruuner. however swift cau give that
amount of start to an ordinary man.
For the first five yards they go ut prae-
tically the same pace.
Therefore, tbe runner, to go nlnety-
five yards, would have to run more
than twice as fast, and It would lie a
weak man who could not hop forty-
live yards at a pace equal to twenty
aceoiids for 100 yards and that would
mean that the runner. In order to win,
would have to beat all previous rew
ords.
If a man boasts that his penknife is
particularly sharp, ask him to cue with
one stroke of the blade one of those
yellow ribbons, mostly of silk, which
are around bundles of cigars. In inr.i
cases out of 1,000 the knlfo Is not
sharp enough to do tills. It will cut
through all the ribbon except tbe laut
strand and that will pull out long and
the more he tries to eut It the longer
it will pull out.
No one except a blind man, says the
New York Herald, can stand without
support of any kind tor five minutes at
a stretch. If he Is thoroughly blind
folded. without moving his feet. If ho
does not move his feet be Is pretty
sure to topple over In aliout a minute.
WAS ALMOST A HERO.
Didn’t
Rescue Anybody, but Nearly
Broke Ills Neck.
"I know how it feels to be almost a
hero." said a young man with a black
eye, an arm in a sling and a patch of
court plaster adorning hla features. “I
live near the Barrett residence at 40th
and Pine streets, Which was burned
out the other day. I happened to know
that Mr». Barrett was 111 In bed, but I
did not know that she had been quiet
ly removed by the back way to a
neighbor's house before I arrived on
the scene.
•'When I got there a colored servant
girl wns out In the street pointing fran
tically to the upper pnrt of the house1,
shouting unintelligibly nnd generally
acting like a crazy person. Tbe Interior
of the1 bouse was already In flames
and I Immediately Jumped to the con
clusion that her mistress wns In dan
ger of loalng her life. Without waiting
to question the girl I rushed Into the
house and In groping my way through
tbe smoke succeed«! In pitching head
long down the buck stnirs. I had sat
isfied myself, however, that every one
had gotten safely out of the house.
"When I reached the street again,
choking for breath and pretty well bat
tered up." continued the young man,
according to the Philadelphia Record,
"the servant girl was still wringing her
hands and screaming at the top of her
lungs. I asked her what she was car
rying on that way for. Pointing to a
window on the top floor she walled:
‘•'See dnt room up dore? Dat'a my
room, an' my two week»' wages la lu
iny trunk up dere burnin' up.'"
llrath Came with the Mong.
It is not often that a musical festival
closes so pathetically as did au Elstedd
fol at Colwyn Bay. Wales.
Welsh choirs were competing melodi
ously, as usual, anil when the time
came for his choir to make Its “ffort,
Henry Hughes, a quarry man. mounted
a chair to lead It. lu a few moments
he tottered and fell. Ready arm» car
rl«l him into an anteroom, and the
choir. led by E. T. Davies, a clerk, sang
on, continuing tlielr melody amid a
round of admiring cheers.
No other choir excelled the company
of songsters whom Hughes had vainly
attempted to lead, for they won the
prize, and the sounding cheers broke
oue again.
It was these cheers of triumph that
rang In the ears of the falling conduc
tor as he lay In tbe anteroom, for he
was dying. Every effort was made to
save him, but In vain; and not the
least sad accompaniment of this pa
thetlc Incident was the fact that the
dying conductor’s own «in and daugh
ter were singers In the victorious choir
A gloom spread over the great audi
ence as the sad news spread, and the
Eisteddfod when the end was reached,
closed with deep sorrow.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant
Incidents
Occurring
the
World Over—Haying» t hat Are Cheer
ful to Old or
It Never Came Rack.
"Take my advice. Don’t lend Bar-
roughs any mouey."
“I never did."
"Why. you used to. I’m sure, b*-
cause—”
“No; I used to think I was lending It
to hltu, hut I soon discovered It was
purely a gift”
Young-Funny Helec-
Hnmewhal Different,
IIIx—Windig evidently Is not a man
who hides hla light under a bushel.
Dlx—You bet he Isn't On the con
“I want a piece of bine ribbon that
will tie nicely Into a hangman'» knot.' trary. he considers himself the whole
Mid the sad-looklng man. addressing electrte power house and imagines the
town would Ite In total darkness If bs
the saleslady.
"This piece will answer your pur happened to break down.
pose. 1 think.” replied the young lady.
Retort Courteous.
"How much do you tvqulre?"
"It Is to adorn the n«k of my wife's
pet dog," repll«i the s. 1. m.. with a
sickly smile, "so please cut It accorJ-
Ingly.”
______
tions that E ver y body Will Enjoy.
Saved by the Hignal Service.
Longlelgli Then you didn't propose
to Miss Gotrox. after all?
Shortlelgh No.
My knowl«lge of
the signal service «xle saved me from
Elephant—W hat did the cauiel »ay
making a fool of myself.
when the monkey referred to bla
Ixinglelgh—Well, put me cm,
Shortlelgh Just as I was about to bumps?
Giraffe— He said bs didn't want any
«Miitnlt myself she hoisted tbe cold
back talk.
wave flag.
None the I lest of Him.
In A. D. HMML
Blobba—BJonea has a suit of clothes
First Automobile Girl Why do they
have n wooden Indian outside of a cigar for every day In the week.
Slobba — So have I. I've got It on
»tore?
S«-ond Automobile Girl -I give It up! now.—Philadelphia Record.
Why do they have a wooden horse out
More Important,
side a leather goods store?—Puck.
“Tea." said tbe old doctor, you should
try to have your own curriage, by a.l
No After Ueaulta.
means. Because when you want to get
to a patient quickly-----”
"O!" interrupted the young M. D., “I
don't think any patient who sent for
me would l>e likely to die before I
reached him."
"No. but he might recover before you
got there.”—Philadelphia Post.
Courtship Too Expensive.
Tess -You don’t menu to say they
have broken off their engagement?
Jess —Yes.
Tess Why. I thought they were per
fectly devoted to each other.
Je^w So they are. You see. they
have broken off the engagement so that
Was Overweight.
"I wish I knew of a good way to lie may save enough money to enable
raise bread." remarked the wife as she them to get married.—Philadelphia
tackled one of her biscuit» at the Press.
breakfast table.
“A Poor Ktcnne-"
"Why not try a derrick, my dear?"
“What Is his excuse for not niarry-
suggest«! tbe brutal other half of the Ing?"
combination.
“Says he doesn't want to wear darn
ed socks.
Iler Opinion.
Mr. Quinn 1 never gazed upon such
beautiful brie a brae as the Harwoods
have In their parlor. And they’ve had It
for years.
Mrs. Quinn (contemptuously) Oh, It
Just shows that they can't afford
keep a servant.
If they hud
maid that brie a brac would never
there so long. Chicago News.
The Octopus.
“What!" ejaculated the man. "Four
bun lr«l dollars for that dress?"
"Yes.” answered the wife, soothing
ly, "It is the train that makes it so
expensive."
"Ab h-h!” groan«l the husband, "that
cut's«! railroad trust aga'u!"
"How's thnt?”
"Aw, rubbin' n three thousand dollar
“What do you think of the new min policy on a $2.000 barn!”
ister's Hermon?" Inquired Mr. Uuiu-
Ordinary Effort Wasted.
rox's wife.
Clara -Is It true that Mabel Is suing
"Well," he replied. “1 gu<*ss it wasn't her husband for divorce?
very good.”
Maude—Yes. and I don't blame her.
“Upon what do you Imae your opin She was handicapped right from the
ion?"
start
"I understood every word of It anil
Clara —Why, how was that?
really interested." “Washington
Maude Her husband had Indigestion
before they were married.—Chicago
Newt.
The Reverence for Obscurity.
The had Par*.
Hatteraon—What! You've had
fourteen cooks In three months!
Mrs. Patterson Yea. And I didn’t
please any of them.—Life.
Justifiable.
“John! Didn't you swear off swear
tng the first of the year?”
John (who has Just stepped on a
tack)—I did, and I'm swearing off
again now!
Biggs -I see your friend Cutting has
engaged In a new business. He ad
vertises himself as a man milliner.
Itlggs—Well, what of It? You cer
tainly wouldn't expect him to pose ns
a woman milliner, would you?—Chica
go News.
Other l.'ses.
Mendicant-Please, lady, will you
give 10 cents to a poor man to keep
him from starving?
It Must Have Been.
Miss Flyte— Mercy no. I can't afford
Miss Fisher—Now, w hat would you
It! Why, I’ve got to get my npruig suit
say my age wns?
this week.-Somerville Journal.
Mr. Sharpe- Eighteen.
Miss Fisher (coyly)- How prompt you
No Other Inference.
are. You speak as If you had certain
Bllllcus—The secret of hnpplnesa Is
knowledge.
to mnrry one'» opposite.
Mr. Bhar|>o— Of course, I knew It was
Cynlcus -Then a man must tie a fool
that at one time—Philadelphia Press. to marry a brainy woman. Philadel
phia Record.
Where Ills Genius Shone.
The Latter Part.
“I tell you that poet Is n genius."
"What part of my sermons do you
“A genius? Why, bls stuff Is tbe
enjoy most?" asked Rev. Dr. Long-
worst I ever read."
wind.
"I know."
“The conclusions you reach." replied
“But why do you call him a genlua?"
"Because he auci'eeds lu aeillug IL”— Deacon Kaudld.—Philadelphia Record.
Philadelphia Itecord.
Tbe Higher Education.
“You believe lu tbe higher education
At the Play.
"Where are you going, my pretty for women?”
“Well, I hardly know; hut my daugh
maid?'
ter says that now adays a girl who
“To the play, kind sir,” she said.
"What do you there, my pretty maid?” can't play basket twill and fence isn't
"Slander my neighbors, sir," she said. In IL”
Awful I’oMlbllity.
Telephones Hurt lloads.
“Neither the wide ocean nor Iron
bars will keep me from you, my love!"
he cried, fervently.
"But, Reginald,” whispered the
Judge's daughter, as she trembled with
apprehension, "what If papa should Is
sue an injunction?’
It la an odd fact, but true, that some
steam railroads have complained of the
barm done to their l>est claw of passen
ger traffic hy the longdistance tele
phone. while hotels In Western cities
have also attributed a reduction of
patronage to the same cause. Travel
lietween this city and St. I-oula. for ex
ample. la said to have been appreciably
cut down by the telephone. Snob a re
sult would seem difficult to trace tan
gibly, although one meets people dally
who. to avoid weary trips, have gov
erned themselves on tbe Injunction:
"IkMi't travel; telephone.” But the tel
egraph and tbe mall have also been de
terrents. end If there Is any validity to
the alleged reason the high speed elec
tric travel of the future may restore the
former conditions.—Chicago Chronicle.
Behind the Keene».
"Dear me!” exclaimed the aoubratte,
"I’ve broken one of my earrings. What
Fatality.
"When I began business,” said the shall I do?"
“Telephone for a glazier.” suggested
plutocrat wearily. "I made a vow that
whenever 1 bad earned an even million tbe low comedian .- -Chicago News.
I would quit.”
t p Against It.
"Why. you've done that many times
Smith—What's lhe trouble, old man?
over, long ago." said tbe other man. You look as If a squall had struck you.
"yet you are still accumulating ”
Jones Worse than that, my tmy. I’ve
"That a the curse of It Whenever I just been struck hy twn squalls
think I've made the even million I find
Nmltb Why. how's that?
on figuring it up it's either a little more
Jones- Got twins at our bouse.
or a little leas, and I’ve got to renew
As It should Be.
tbe struggle.”
Bigg» A cousin of mine was married
People often wonder w by a girl mar on tbe west side yesterday.
rlea the most undesirable man of b«-r
D'gga—That's queer.
acquaintance. If they knew he wa>
Biggs—What's queer about It?
the only one to propose they would Do
Digs»—Why didn't be get married no
longer wonder.
all sides while be waa about It?
“D om
With His Feelings,
your neighbor’s daughter
pi«yr
"Play!
flea."
Wings of riches are not wrong
enough to bear away the expensive
tastes they bring.