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About The Eugene weekly guard. (Eugene, Or.) 1899-1904 | View Entire Issue (March 8, 1902)
•SPECT. with!» ’h< L”"'n ! rendera It unsafe-and it stands con- I uemned.** He was very pale, and there was a peculiar light In bis eyes. His words Crtab the* held a subtle meaning, which seemed to anger Kate. ■fthe nirht w< ■* A ou are hard and unjust.” she said, • , |)M >■«*• and there was a sound of tears in her “ ¡,.r face, 111 n*er Kiantiy <*he voice which she was too proud to allow to the surface. L ,,f that only dance, il.ni through the hall, 'Harshness la not always cruelty. j *u k,re’s my,tlC Some things require It.” be said in the ife tu *J* «»thrall. same rapid, repressed tone, and turning »oft «* »ilkea tto“’ on hia heel walked quickly to the lower lip* uf carmine hue; end of the ball, where be disappeared .,1 "Alone for you. in Succumbed that fateful night, In the library. "So that is young Austen, of whom I „Hl, trilled a »train Ti|d. sni| within that light have beard so much!” exclaimed Amy. L.ged that 1 remain. as soon as the door bad closed upon „„have tied, yet mem ry dear him. "Well, I can't say much for bis te, the dead for me; manners* He never even saw me. 1 is up a grave no aeer have ofteu beard my uncle s{>eak of j read of mystery. him. It seems he has risen to such rt. i. though we lived, and I prominence in the architectural world > f.rtb to wed my art. within the past year that great things (e—sell, time will testify, are expected of him in the future. 1 i,I balm to heal the »mart, bt within the open grate, wasn't aware you knew this wonder Kate.” ¿ice again recall rtunes of a cruel fats, "Yes, I have known him a couple of fine embers fall- mouths. He has been doing some work ¡Jelphia Record. for papa, and spends one or two even ings here every week going over drafts and plans. 1 have been quite Interested in the work. You know I always try Matter of Opinion to keep abreast of everything in which I papa is engaged.” When the outer door closed upon her friend Kate went back Into the draw IERE are degrees In friendships, ing-room, and dropping into an easy >ut there are no degree« in love. chair before the open grate stared wita unseeing eyes at the glowing coals, her He either love or we do not.” v was a tone of finality in Kate hands clasped tightly in her lap, and a n's voice—a depth of conviction— pucker of pain between her drawn brows. [•rested her friend’s attention. Hugh Austen's words were ringing , speak as if you and love were quaintances, Kate. If I didn’t In her ears and pounding on her brain: how you keep all your admirers "A single flaw in the construction con is’ length, 1 would think you had demns the whole structure." Her heart surrendered that proud citadel, was throbbing heavily—each beat a stab—and through It all she saw a pret «art" ight had fallen; the room was ty smiling face in a down town store— shadows, and the crimson wave a happy, innocent face, whose posses overspread Kate’s face, painting sor was Hugh Austen's affianced wife. She had known of hfs engagement irs and neck and brow a vivid lie. was lost upon her companion. from the first-he himself had mention Id not reply for a moment When ed it early in their acquaintance—but d. her tone was low and even as It had never seemed a vital thing to her until that morning. She was doing a foolish Amy!" she said, trying some shopping, and while waiting for ak lightly. “1 wish you would her change her attention was drawn to jff weaving romances aitout your a sweet faced girl by overhearing one s. Believe me, real, living char- clerk remark to another: “Yes, Maggie does look happy. She's are not nearly so satisfactory as eommodating puppets of the nov- a lucky girl! You know she’s engaged braln. The heroine in a novel to Hugh Austen, the architect He's s does the proper thing at the one of God's noblemen; there Isn't a • time, and in the end either mar better man In the city. 1 believe they’re ie prince of her dreams, and lives to be married some time this winter.” “One of God's noblemen!" Kate re- y ever afterward, or nobly and Ishly gives him up to the 'other peated the words softly to herself, then and is sweetly resigned all the addl'd In a whisper, burying her burn I her days. Which would you do if ing face in her hands, “And my king!” No word of love had ever passed be ere in the heroine’s place?" iy, I’d marry the prince, of course! tween them, but eyes have a way of rand heroics for me!" returned betraying secrets sometimes. She knew his heart was bers even though his promptly and decidedly. ► it the other girl loved him very word was pledged to another—and she and her life was cramped and exulted in the possession. He was so different from the men she r. And if you had everything else world to make you happy? Don't met In society that he interested her link it would be your duty to re from the first. He was quiet, with that Im to her when she bad only that reserve which betokens strength of character as well as strength of will. ing-and you bad so much?" She remembered the day she first met hands were clasped tightly in her id her voice bad grown earnest— him. He was in the library when she went in to get a book, and her father In te loved me. I’d marry him. I troduced him. He acknowledged the not think the other girl would introduction by a curt little bow, hard limit he loved me! And, besides, ly giving her a glance, and continued lldn’t be fair to him. His hajtpl- the discussion with Mr. Gordon as if she had not been present. Site felt tight to be considered, too.” .1 if he were brave and noble and piqued and snubbed—a novel sensation I? To such a nature would not for the heiress—and she determined to mowledge of having fulfilled a show this rude young man tliat she was at whatever cost of pain to him not altogether devoid of intelligence. Kate was an only child, the idol of 'ring happiness?” i are getting beyond my depth,” her father’s heart. She was bls friend and comrade—bls companion In the my, shaking her bead. he had known her first, and had true sense of the word. She possessed content and happy until he met good Judgment, and had always taken Kate demanded with strange In a live interest in his artialrs. He often ce. "Would it be right for you to said she had a l>etter head for business ler all when you already have so than half the meu he met. Determining to understand the sub i are illogical, Kate. You do not ject thoroughly, she hunted up all the ier the happiness of the prince, books in the bouse treating on archi niy point of view, It would slm- tecture, and spent her spare time In * sacrificing two lives instead of studying and making notes. When Mr. Austen came again she had 1 give him up.” no, no, no!” Kate cried, striking the* satisfaction of seeing a look of sur .nds together with sudden vehem- prise creep Into bis eyes as she occa sionally made an apt suggestion. He turned and looked at her several iy, Kate, one would think the real, and you its heroine!” ex- times during the evening, when some 'd Amy, laughing. "You have unusually bright remark of hers arrested 1 your vocation. What a pity that bls attention-a remark showing n clear re the wealthy Miss Gordon—ex- and intelligent understanding of the e. fastidious—else you might question under discussion. The few women be knew were of the domestic a sensation on the stage!” maid turned on the light as Amy order, who rarely gave a thought to o go. and in the sudden glare of anything outside the petty round which c light she was startled by the constituted their world. And that a so ciety belle should be able to discuss In f suffering on Kate's face. te. you are ill. And I have tired telligently and originally the living «t with my long visit!” she cried Issues of tlie day—the vexed problems that make life the complex thing it is— compunction. My bead aches and the weather amazed him. He had begun by feeling—If he had wwhat depressing.” She pushed ilr back from her temples with a any feeling at all In the matter—that ir nervous movement that told of the beautiful heiress was no more to ss'd feeling of some kind. “I him than any one of the many other * 1 shall see you at the Grant- pieces of bric-a-brac in bls employer's io-tiiglit? she said, accompany- bouse. She was a beautiful statue nothing more, nothing less. But when f friend to the door. bey stepi>ed into the ball they met the statue woke to life he discovered I who had evidently Just come in that It possessed a rare and delicate the street It was raining, and charm an Indefinable something that was a suggestion of dampness attracted and held him. And gradually ti» clothing. the evenings be spent at her father's ^afternoon, Miss Gordon!” he house liecame the bright spots In his “ * quick, eager tone, hia dark rather colorless existence. Kate did not know how long she bad ■ ghtlng and softening on con sat there when she hoard the door open was no light in the hall, and softly and a quick, nervous step com *» went no farther than Kate’s Ing toward her. Rising, sbs stood facing e was oblivious of Amy’s pree- him as he came up. His face was flush ed. and there was an eager light In bls Tour father in? I must see him eyes. “I could not go away without apolo “ 1 h*T« discovered a flaw I am afraid will necessitate a gizing to you for what 1 said a while 'Way in the work. Part of it ago," he said, speaking breathlessly, as *'• to be constructed on a Dew though impelled by some Inner force He had caught her bands In his. and ' »ill find papa In the library. Mr. was holding them crushed together In ’ 1 color bad come back Into both of bls own. “I did not mean you and her eyea were there are no weak point» In your na ' 1 drafts and plans seemed ture. You are good and pure anti stead One little flaw may not sig fast. 1 was thinking only of myself!” » much.” They sto<»d for a full minute looking • must be no weak spot«. A »In Into each other's eyes read.ng each o the contructloa condemns other's souls. TTien Kate gently with •tructure.” drew her hands, and walking over to ieA* in a rapid, repressed tone. the mantel said rather unsteadily: • We cannot Judge bums’: beings by , ’ “I edifice be condemned the same standard by which we Judge ’r 'n* ‘mail weaknessr inanimate things. There are weak r* «nd she held her spots in every nature—but out of that erect. very weakness grows the beautiful I flower of humility.” "Thank b' you." he — murmured rt «hutments *.“',‘nt* may “*y be »olid solid and | I -man« “- --------- in a " * flaw la the construction broken whisper, and started toward the nJ« «•' 1 door, but before reaehiug It. turned. 1 and catching her Itaiids in bls crushed them against bis lips- and was goue. Kate did uot go to Mrs. Grautley's that night. She complaiued of not feel ing well, and she certainly did look ill. ■ Human faces are Nature's highest type of etchings, and heartache is the keen needle that traces the finest lines. Her father was alarmed, and willingly con sented when she begged to spend the wluter with her aunt in Florida. It was like driving a uall Into her own coffin, this wrenching away from the very sun of her existence. But It was the only thing to do. There w as no other way. “1 am so rich In other things—and she had only him!" site told herself -ver and over again, when her heart rose In rebellion against the sacrifice. Hers was an intense nature, possess Ing a rare capacity for suffering, but also possessing a noble disregard of self. It was impossible for one of her disposition to accept happiness pur chased through another's pain. The long, colorless days and blank empty years stretching before her frightened and appalled her. But she did not falter in her decision. Hugh Austen s wife never knew how perilously near shipwreck her frail bark of happiness bad been. That it sailed successfully past the Jagged rocks of temptatlou out into the deep ocean of content was always a source of thankfulness to two persous.—Wa- verley. REV DR. NICHOLS. The New Arbiter of Society and His Reinarkuble Pedigree. Rev. Charles Wilbur De Lyon Nich ols, who lias leaped into instantaneous notoriety by constituting himself the arbiter of social distinction in America, has one of the most re- markable pedigrees in the country. He Is a lineal descendant of KI tig Robert 11. of Scotia ti <1 , through three ma ternal lines of an cestors. Dr. Nich ols also traces his pedigree in a double line to the Mar quis of Aylesford. On bis father's side he is descended from the royal bouse of Bruce. Ills American ances tor, Sir Richard Nichols, was the first English Governor of New York. Dr. Nichols Is a Roman Catholic priest, and preaches to a charge in the town of Nichols, Conn. Those upon whom he has put the stamp of his approval think well of Ills peculiar classification, but competent critics who have no axes to grind think otherw ise. THE BROOKLYN’S LOOP WAS LET US ALL LAUGH. NOT A MARKER I OR I HIS. ÇrjQHE much discussed loop of the jU Brooklyn at the battle of Sant: i- '■* go was a minor matter compared with the loops and evolutions of war ships propelled by sails in the days prior to steam navigation. The drawing given herewith Is copied by the Toledo Blade from the United States Military Magazine, for November, 1840—a i>ert odical published for a few years In Philadelphia. Mr. George A. Chase, of Toledo, lias the bound volume for 183U and 1840 wh'cb he kindly loaned for tbe purtvoses of this article. The diagram la of the action between the United States frigate Constitution Commodore Bainbridge, aud the Brit ish frigate Java. Capt. Lambert. ibis fierce sea tight occurred on Wednesday December 30, 1812, lu tbe Atlantic, off the coast of Brazil. The wind was from the no.-theast, and the arrow in tlie diagram shows Its direction as to the vessels. Tbe action began at 2:10 p. tu. The position of the two frigates was broadside on. as repre sented in the lcwer left band corner of the diagram. The course of each ves sel is shown, and their relative posi tions at the various critical pointe of the engagement, until the surrender of tbe Java, at 5 25 p, m, when their po sitions were as given at tbe right hand top of the diagram. Ut course, in tbe various evolutions, the wind was tbe only motive power. This being tbe case, the efforts of the old-time fighters were largely directed to destroying tbe masts and sails of the enemy s vessel w hich, if the effort were successful, put her at the mercy of the other and to getting Into such a position that all of the guns on one side could bj trained on the enemy’s deck from one end. thus raking it from stem to stern with a ball of missiles, and disabling more men at one broad side than could be done In any other way. The diagram shows that Bain bridge was the better sailor, for he maneuvered the Constitution into such a position with regard to the Java no less than five times during the fight, while the British did not secure that advantage even once over the Yankee ship. The destructive effect of this raking fire on thy Java’s decks is clearly show n by the losses on board tbe Brit ish frigate There were do killed, and 101 wounded out of a erew of 400, w hile tbe Constitution lost but l> killed aud 25 wounded among the latter be ing Comm.si ire Bainbridge himself, who was shot twice during the engage ment. but plucklly kept at bis post uu- til the victory was won. The effect of tbe American fire uj»oa the rigging of the Java was no less re markable When the British com mander stru -k his flag, his vessel had not a single spar standing, and floated, in unmanag »able wreck, upon the sea. l’lie British tire damaged the Constitu tion’s sails very much, but fortunately none of her »pars was cut. The pris oners and their personal effects were removed to the Constitution and the Java was blown up. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA RIOUS HUMORISTS. Incidents World Over Occnrring the Say iiigs that A re Cheer ful to Old or Young— Fun», Selec- lioue that You Will Eitjoy. flave they enough money to live on Jlt-ir Income?" “Why, they have enough to live be yond IL” A Sufficient Reueon. Bramble- We’ve Just lost our cook. Slic’d ts-eu w ith us thirty years, too. Thorn«» Did »lie die of old age? Bramble No. tint she heard my wife refer to her as un old family servauL and it made her mad Mrs. I.eary 1 am going to return this tsmuet; It's uot bec-umtug, aud I don't want it. Mr. Leary Didn't I hear Mrs. Strlngly tell you that you looked charmlug in It? Mrs. Leary Yes, that’s why 1 am going to return it I llogicat. Rens the colonel says he Is a Ken tucky man and that he has always lived A Sacrifice Accepted. Clarence—Clara, If I let you buy a In that State. Shaw Then ills stork’s do not agr<*e. new winter coat I 11 have to wear my He tohl me that he was tk* yenra old. old oue. Clara Oh. you dear, sweet, lovely, and that no one had ever shot him. generous old boy! IVetrott Free Tress. An Eye-Opener, Novelist 1’ui so sleepy I can hardly ke.-p my eyes open, and 1 must finish this chapter to night. His Wife W alt till I get tbe butch er’s bill; l'ui suro that will open your eyes. True Politeness. Mrs. Wederly Why dou't you talk more w hen we are together? Wederly 1 don't like to interrupt you, my dear.—Chicago News. He Didn’t Take the Hint. "Why don’t you get married. Herr Zapf? There are many happy mar riages. ’ "Certainly! But in all the happy mar riages that 1 kuow of tbe women are already married!” Lust Igo V> elL Bad Break, Mrs. Wauuta Noe — Why did you charge so much more for milk during the cold spell? Water Euchalk (a milkman) — You A Help to Literature. see, ma'am, the pump was frosen, and Higgs Dobbs is running for Congress we had to carry water more thau two and Is making a great bld for the liter miles. ary vote. Hottie Mistake, Sure. Boggs In what way? First Oyster—Where are we? Biggs lie promise* to Introduce a Second Oyster—In the church fair bill to reduce the rates of postage. stew. First Oyster — There must be some Conclusive Evidence. What do they want with Lawyer My great-grandfather was mistake. both of us? a famous pirate. Client Then there Is something in Needn't Come Hound, heredity, after all. The Rival Dere’s only one ting dat keeps me from doing me worst ter him an’ dat’s de dorg! WND.N.E. The I’ercentagr. The Wife You only give me 5 per cent of your time. The rest you spend at your club. Th«' Husband But, my dear. 5 per i-ent of your fortune Is all that your father allow s me for my use. Handy with Hie Toe. Chid -What kind of a chap did you flml the pa of your new girl? Skid (who had been forcibly ejected at 12 p. m.> I found him a regular freebooter. Diplomatic. CONSTITUTION AND JAVA. SHIELD FOR WOUNDS. Invention Which Will Likewise Pro tect Boils und Carbuncles. The purpose of the invention shown In the Illustration is to provide a shield for attachment to a surgical splint or to be used In connection with plaster of paria or other form of bandage for the treatment and protectionof w ounds, and also for the care of bolls, carbun cles and tbe like. In the case of a se- vere flesh wound it Is not desirable to re move the splints nt each treatment, and It is the office of this shield to facilitate access to the wound direct. With Its Ing rapidly aud each seemed to be In different to the course of the oilier. She touched the Chinaman all right, and if the good luck Incident to the act of touching Is measured by the vigor and force of the touch good fortune ought to shower on her whole family. It was a fierce collision. Tlie girl was embar rassed, and from the capers cut by tlie Chinaman he evidently thought a freight train had struck him. Yes. In deed, this business of touching a China man is a regular fad now. and If you see a girl rushing wildly and aimless ly down the street, watch her and see If she doesn’t brush the clothes of a Mongolian gently in passing. Richmond How do you manage to have your flat so comfortably heated? Bronxborough We rent one of our rooms to the Janitor's brother In law. She—Why inis Crooksby left your cir cle? He—He wasn't square. Turn Alton*. “Old Barnes Tortner lias deserted the stage, 1 understand.” "Tit for tat He used to make the She Knew It. public desert the auditorium.”— Phila “George Goalln declare« that he delphia Press. wouldn't marry the beat woman alive,” The Reason, remarked Mr. Spatta. Hallie-I suppose you know why “Well, he wont,” assented Miss mother whipped you? Frocks, “for I have refused him.” Tommy Because I wasn’t big A New Ecu ture. enough to whip her. Fame. He Skipllug's Indian tales are fine, aren’t they? She Yes. splendid. Have you evet read otic? He No; have you? She No. ' ■ Clever Maid. 01 Of SI LIVING STONECUTIER. Here is the picture of a union stone cutter nearly 100 years old —Robert Bailey, of I.a Crosse. Win. The Stone cutters’ Journal says that, after working at bis trade more than seventy years. Brother Bailey is still hale nnd hear ty. and able to use the chisel and mal let as skillfully as many Journeymen half bis age. lie was born In Coun ty Wexford. Ire land. In 1803. and came to this coun try with his parents when 3 years old. Well Fised. Pleasant De»i*erste. A School in Arabia. During my stay at Nakhl, says a writer in the Geographical Journal. I visited some of the schools, of which there-are five here, and saw the chil dren Imbibing instruction in the usual Moslem style repeating aloud sentences of the Koran or rules of grammar read out by the tnollab. They attend In the morning and may be seen at an early hour hurrying to school, boys and girls together, some with "mlnfa." or wood en Koran stand, on their heads, some with a painted board or camel shoulder- blade, on which they learn to write, under their arm. The instruction given is of a very elementary character reading. writing Arabic grammar, the Koran, and a little arithmetic being the only subjects. But the boys of the learned and wealthy are often educated at home by a tnollah, and advanced j further. The lack of method Is partly compensated for by the precocity and tenacity of memory shown by the boys. Nakhl deserves attention for the com paratively advanced state of education among the people, there being a larger proportion of persons In this town able to read and write than In any other in Oman. There is a good numtier also of professional scribes. Books, conse quently, are not so scarce here as else where. The higher position of learning here is attributed to the influence of the Persians, who occupied this part of the country during the time of Nadir Shah. Hia Rope In Eternity, Ascimi How did you come to know your wife In the flnit place? lien peek I didn't know ber then, our do I now. Furthermore. I bops 1 shall nut have to in the last place. PBOTECTOB FOB BOIIZ AMP CABBUSCLKB. aid it 1» possible to prevent contact of the sore part with anything liable to injure or bruise It In any manner, and there 1» no danger of dislocating n small plaster or cloth laid over the wound. The cut shows the device at tached to the arm to protect a boil, with straps to bind it on the arm. Tbe protecting corer is thrown back to ex pose the interior for treatment A latch is provided to bold the cover in a closed position after treatment In case of iHsly wounds the straps may l>e re placed by strips of adhesive plaster, which are laced through the eyelets and fastened to the skin. Edward A Critical Case. Shears, of Lakota, N. D.. Is the in Perambulating Pete (solicitously) Lady, will you kindly tell me the Ingre ventor. dients of an' the method In which you 8HE TOUCHED A CHINAMAN. made that pie you gave me thia morn Bad I netead of the Ki pe< ted Good Luck In'? Mrs. Boe rum Place (flattered»—Cer Resulted from the Encounter, tainly. Why do you wish It? It Is a very common superstition that Perambulating Pete-Your pardon, to rub tbe hump of a cripple’s back is lady, but I have to tell It to my family sure to bring good luck, in some parts physician, so's he can know what to of tbe country women Isdieve good for gimme for an autidote.-Brooklyu tune may l»e assuretl by touching a Chinaman while passing film on the Eagle. street, and the women of New Orleans Trade with Brazil. seem to have gone daft on the subject. During last year Brazil told Ger Of course they endeavor to create the many 32’W22.334 and bought from her impression that they do it playfully, f 5 122. In the same time the Ini but they never neglect an op|s>rtunlty ted States bought from Brazil 358,073. to touch an oriental as they pass him. 437 au<l sold her $11.578.110. A young girl at one of the railroad sta tions a few evenings ago figured in a Music. “1 think It's a great pity everybody ' rather embarrassing Incident on ac count of her ambition and her effort to doesn’t like music.” touch a Chinaman. The oriental had "You do. eh?” drifted into the station and was evi “Yes; because they have to stand a dently bent ou an out-of-town trip, and lot of It whether they do or uoL”- be was going at a rather rapid rate, Puck. probatJy fearing that be would miss bls train. As soon as the girl spied him Negro Creeks. Of the 16.0**» people belonging to the she Jumped up and made a quick dart, Creek nation, according to tbe latest evidently for tbe purpose of crossing tbe Chinaman’s path at a certain point report, oo leas than C.OQO are negroes and Just brushing him as he passed. When a man says bls beuie la "go Here is probably where she made a Ing like wildfire, it ia safe tv say be a mistake. At any rate either the girl or advertising. the Chinaman erred. Bota were walk General Furlong and the Doll. At tlie risk of temporarily driving Gen. Furlong away from tlie Amen cor ner of the Fifth Avenue Hotel I am tempted to tell a little story of human interest. All vvlio know him know that bis heart is bigger than the bodies of most men. nnd always was so. His benefactions are many and always un obtrusive. On Tuesday afternoon lie was passing a department store, when a conversation between a woman and her little girl of about 8 years attract- I ed him. Tlie child was pointing to a doll ami the mother was saying to her: “No, tnammn can’t buy it to-day dearie.” The General spoke to tbe child aud asked the mother to do liim a favor to let tlie child stay nnd look lit the window a few minutes. He went inside and came out witli a doll similar to the one In the windew, and giving It to the child, lifted his lint nnd passisl on. When the story was told ou the General Inst night he grew red and said: "Tut, tut, nonsense!” Then he strolled out. nnd Barney Biglln re- marked: “I’ll bet he has his pockets filled with quarters now nnd he’s off somewhere to buy out nil the ls>ys who are stuck with their evening papers. Some good woman lost an Ideal husband when tbe General wns allowed to re- Imnln a bachelor.”—Victor Smith, In New York Brens. T< m » M ii < ti lor Him. The other day a young man was pre sented to Senator linnua who wnnted a subordinate place In tbe army. Tbe Senator saw to it that his application wns properly filed. Nothing was heard of the application or the young Irish rnan for several days, until be sent his card through the doorkeeper of tlie Sen ate. Senator Hanna promptly rrs[iond- ed. and, with his customnry democratic frankness. Inquired: "Well, bow’s everything with you. Dugnri?” "I’m In trouble,” an Id the w ould be soldier “I got through tbe physical examination all right, but they’ve downed me on th« cute< Uism.”—Chi cage Tribune. Caller Don't forget to tell Miss May I called. Servant 1'11 go up and tell her right away, sir. An Acquired Hwlna. Asklt — 1 wonder where Rhymer’s poems get such u swing to them? Telllt He writes them In a ham mock Baltimore Amerlcau. An Awful Dream. O'Hoollhan Wake up, Dennis. For th' love av St. Patrick! That was yes groanin' an' moaulu' so for in yer sleep ? O'Callahan (daxed) Och, aure Ol waa (Iresmln' < >i had troyed to umpire a football game Brooklyn Eagle. "Well, Edith has given In, sud, as poor as they are, they arc going to have a big church wedding.” Not Quite Destitute. "Jack says lie’s got It all tiled for the Bennie (seeing a turkey with Its ushers to take up a collection.”—Cin wings left on, banging In the market)— cinnati Enquirer. My! they've taken off all Its clothes except the sleeves! Judge. Expeiiaive Advertising. “My largest Item of expense Is on ac A Distinction. count of advertising.” Her Mother So you think Frederick "I was not aware that you wore In Is beginning to have a clearer Idea of business.” the responsibilities of a married man? "I am not. But my wife reads tbe Mrs. Latelywuu Not that, exactly; ad«, m tbe papers.”—lodlauapuUa he Is finding out the duties of my hus Newt. band. Puck. King of tbe House. No Trust for Her. Friend You have always referred to your wife as your "better half." Now, bow do you designate the baby? Mr Newlyblessed oh, baby Is the whole thing Brooklyn Eagle. "A husband trust has been started in New Jersey,” said Mrs. Bickers. "Don’t care If It has,” replied Mrs. Duds. "I won't trust my busband say further thau I can see him.” Preh letortc. Editor Are you aure thia la an old Joke? Assistant Dead sure Why, I've even seen It on a theater program. Hie First Proflts. Tlie Vlaltor Horrors! The lightning express wrecked and totally destroyed by Are! Young Artist Hurrah! Good! "Are you crazy?" "No. but I expressed a drawing on that train and I valued It at 350. Now ttie expes« company will have to pay f.,r M ’ Life II is Inference. Biggest Bag at One Abo*. The biggest authenticated bag cured at oue shot, of which I bavo ever beard, consisted of one rabbit (tbs cause of the shot), oue beater, one on looker (a French cook), a boy, and a dog. 1 once shot nine snipe at a shot hut tbls waa lu South Africa. They were ou tbe grouud, and they were shot for tbe pot I have read of a sportsman (not Barou MuncbausetM who shot a bumblebee tuid a butterfly, right and left. and. Indeed, sometime* a large bumblebee does, fur an instan taneous second, lm>k uncommonly Ilka a distant advancing grouse—Just as. w hen on tbe alert for partridges, the fieldfares, breasting the bedgs. often cause a nervous twitch of tbe gum. Curious ci rv urn »tan <es sometimes oc cur out sbvot.ng A friend walking la Hue down a turnip field saw a startled hare running fast and straight toward him up a furrow. He stood still, wait ing for her to turn, bnt tbe hare, with Its peculiar vision, did not see him, aial ran her head plump again*! hl* sblu. killing beraelf and very aerloualy bruising bis leg -Loudon Foruugbti/ Lamllonl Pettyvllle Tavern There Is Tongue amt Taste. a six toed mau In tbls village Tbe tongue Is divided Into three re Drummer Ab' 1 presume he 1» the gions of tasle, the first of which Is biggest toad In tbe puddle, as tbe old chiefly sensible to pungent and acid saying goes. tastes, the middle portion to sweets or The Heavy Work Esplsined. bitters, while tbe back Is confined to Bigsby Hunting trips cost too much the flavors of roast meats, butter, oils nowadays and rich and fatty sutaitancea. Bagby Yea, if a man has to buy all tbe game he brings home. Men Dye More than H omen. lllgby That’s so; and 1 have to bny A New York druggist said recently that according to bls experience unu ai»out two dozen extra ducks or turkeys use hair dyes to a much greater extent for my wife to give away Detroit Review. F re* rraaa than w uoieu.
