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About The Eugene weekly guard. (Eugene, Or.) 1899-1904 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 1, 1902)
motherhood . 1 • night throb* ou; but let me pray, dear Lord! rush off his name a moment from my mouth. o Thee my eyes would turn, but they go back. Back to my arm beside me where he lay— • So little. Lord, so little and so warm! ANCHORED TO A WHALE, GLOUCESTER EISHERMAN IS TOWED OUT TO SEA I cannot think that Thou hadst need of him! He i* *o little. Lord, he cr.nnot sing. He cannot praise Thee; all his life had learned Was to hold fast my kisses in the night. Give him to me—he is uot hsppy there! He bad not fslt hi* life; his lovely eyes Just knew me for hi* mother, and be died. Hast Tbou an angel there to mother him? I say he loves me best—if he forgets. If Thou allow it that my child forgets And runs not out to meet me when 1 come— What are my curses to Tbee? Tbou hast beard The curse of Abel's mother, and since then We have not ceased to threaten at Thy throne. To threat and pray Thee that Thou hold them still In memory of us. See Thou tend him well, Thou God of all the mothers! If he lack One of his kisses—Ah, my heart, my heart. Do angels kiss in Heaven? Give him back! Forgive me. Lord, but I am sick with grief. I tired of tears and cold to comfort ing. Fbou art wise, I know, and tender, aye, and good, 'hou hast my child and he is safe in Thee. And I believe— Ah, God, my child shall go Orphaned among the angels! All alone. So little and alone! He knows not Thee, He only knows his mother—give him back! —Scribner's. -4-+4--H-+++-?*-M-++-i-+-F++-F+++4-++ ♦ NOT TOO LATO t + 4- T was late when George Atwood arrived at Mrs. Halleck's party. There was quite a brilliant com pany present, aud Mr. Atwood stood near the door to scan the throng. Evidently he was looking for some body-yes, for his eyes rested now on a young girl. A girl with a beautiful face upturn ed to a fair, handsome man. bending over tbe back of her chair. She seem- ed in a trance of delight, and wholly unconscious -of anybody's presence iu the brilliantly lighted parlors but the man bending over her. And the girl was George Atwood's promised wife. When bis eyes rested on her an aw ful change came over Ills face, the rich, dark color fled, leaving it white and rigid, and his lips formed a tense line under Ills heavy, dark beard. For days past George Atwood watch ed Ida Challis, bis Intended wife. He knew that Ida loved him devotedly, ml be tried not to watch her; he tried lot to notice Alfred May's attention to her, but as be caught sight of her face when be entered Mrs. Halleck's parlor be knew that be ought to have kept a better watch over her than be did. Alfred May possessed the fasci nation of a serpent, and be had drawn Ida into tbe meshes. George Atwood turned away with an inward groan He loved Ida passion ately: her love seemed lost to him, yet be could not think of giving her up. “Mr. Atwood Is here,” Alfred May said, looking down at Ida Challis, Tbe radiant face grew pale, aud Ida shivered as she looked around her. She had fallen from her world of bliss and she was once more In Mrs. Halleck’s crowded salon. "Did you say Mr. Atwood was here? Where is he?” she asked, iu a low voice. "Yes; be was here a moment ago. I saw him looking savagely in this di rection, but be ha* disappeared; 1 do not see him anywhere now,” and Mr. May laughed bis musical laugh, changed tbe conversation, aud in an other minute Ida's face was upturned aud rosy once more. A quadrille was forming, and a gen tleman came to claim Ida for tbe dance. Away from Alfred May and the glamor hi* presence cast over her partly vanished—she thought of her lover. Where was he? Did he no tice anything wrong in her conduct to ward Alfred May? If be was in the room why didn't be come to her? These thoughts flashed tbrough Ida’s ¡mind as she waited for tbe tirst figure o be called, and happening to turn her J •ad, she saw her lover standing ou the opposite »Ide of the room, bis eyes fastened upon her. One glance at hl* livid face and everything In the illum inated parlors seemed whirling round her. The dance was over. Ida never could tell bow she go ttbrough It. The heat of tbe room was suffocating her, ami hen her partner left her. after leading her back to her seat, she rose and stag gered over to one of the windows that opened out upon the balcoDy. A* she stepped Into tbe deep recess of tbe window she let the curtains fall behind her, shutting In tbe light and heat and whirl. How delightful and ool It was out here. Tbe shining stars looked down at her from their deep flue setting tbrough tbe open window. But Ida did not shut herself out In tbe iarkness to gaze at tbe stars. She threw herself Into a chair which occu- tied the recess and buried her face in >er band*. "Ob. what a wretch 1 am!” oaned. "George suspects I think •lore cf another man than I do of him. leaven help me! How I* this going o eod?” Little Ida dreamed that before many llnntes she would know bow It was olng to end. As she asked herself hat question voice* came to her from he balcony without Id*'* head was erect In an Instant. A ady and gentleman were speaking on he balcony. Ida did not wish to sit d l.stso te whs? tv -ot intended S Startling was th» experience of Charlev Decker of Gloucester. Ma**., on ths last cruise of his fishing schooner, the Maxine Elliott. Decker, while fishing peacefully in the waters of Sheepseott bay, found himself anchored to a whale, which suddenly took a notion to tow him out to sea at a rate heretofore un- dreamed of in dory navigation, The Maxine Elliott lay anchored under the lee of Lower Mark Island. The fish were running freely in the mouth of the Sheep scott and Decker, with the other men from the boat, was engaged iu hand lining over the side* of dories stretched between the Cranberry ledge* and Sister rocks, each covering a favorite locality for cod. Decker let down bis anchor when about midway betwee* Lower Mark and Griffith's head, on a spot known to be shoal—about twenty-five fathoms being charted there. He baited a Jigger aud threw it overboard, and while it was running out set to work on another. He had let his anchor run easily, aud when it brought up he had lifted and low ered it several feet to make sure it was on bottom. Suddenly his dory careened, whirled half around, and started ahead at a rate, that was dragging his cod line and jigger far behind. Decker was almost paralyzed with astonishment and uot a little fright. Ilia hair was beginning to stand on eud and his flesh was creepy all over as he thought of some mysterious "sea devil" dragging him out to sea. Just then a big whale came to the top to blow, just ahead of the dory, aud Decker w as relieved to see hi* an. hor fast in rhe monster's blow hole. A whale was something that he was used to. His fright vanished and he promptly cut the tow line and released himself from peril. When he came on board his mates refused to believe the yarn, and asserted he had cut the line because he was too lazy to lift the anchor. for her ears, but the man’s voice held her spellbound, and «lie leaned forward to catch every word that fell from his lips. "Wbat absurd Ideas, to be sure!" the man was saying, iu his lightest tones. "Absurd! How can you say so?" said the lady's voice, hotly. "Anybody can see that you are trying to come between George Atwood and his in tended wife.” "Trying to come between them!" aud Alfred May laughed derisively. "Ab, you mean that you have already accomplished it! Yes, everybody says that you must have fascinated Miss Challis—that she loves you is no long- er a secret.” "She loves me! Then more fool she for her pains, for, my dear, I have no affection to waste on anybody but your own sweet self.” Ida listened to no more, For days she had been under a spell, but It was shattered at last. She fell back in her chair, buried her bead in her hands once more and groaned aloud. At that moment the heavy curtains parted and George Atwood stepped iutb the recess. "Ida, what ails you?" and he rested hi* ham! lightly on her shoulder. "Oh. don't touch tue—dou't speak to me!” she cried, drawing away from him with a shiver. "George. I'm not worthy a kind word from your lips.” "Heaven forbid. Ida. that a word should fall from my lips but in kind ness to you. It is too late to censure,” and the strong man's voice quivered— "it Is so hard to give you up. If Al fred May was a good man-----” "Alfred May is a scoundrel! and I hate him I bate myself! Oh, George. If you knew how wretched I am!" aud Ida burst into tears. "Ida!” cried George, In joyful tonlshment. "1 thought you loved fred May!" “George, I've acted foolishly—I've done wrong, but oh, I'm so sorry,” said Ida. between her sobs. "My darling!” and George clasped her in his strong arms. "Let us for- get the past few weeks of our exist ence.”—New York News. HIS BETTING CLOTHES. Superstitious Young Mun Explain* Cuuse of Hi* Losses. "Perhaps," was the Innguld reply. "But do you know, some of us sporting men are very superstitious. Don'tcher think so?” "You a sporting man!” Interrupted the actress. "Why,” she said, "1 took you for a musician. Don't you play?" "Only the race*." answered tbe new boarder. "Now. for Instance." contin ued the new boarder, “to show you bow superstitious 1 am. I never play a boss on Friday. I lost $13 the first Friday thnt I ever bet on tbe races, and I made up my mind that 1 never would bet on Friday again. And you uotlce, too, that It was $13 that I lost.” "And do you know,” begau the young man again, "I have learned that a man should never play tbe bosses in clothe* that he has lost In. Now. for instance, 1 always used to lose in a suit of green plaid. 1 lost on bos* after boss In those clothes and finally a friend told me that they were boo-doo clothes and that I ought to wear something else. Well, do you know, I wore an old suit of black cheviot aud I made $400 ou a 1(1 to 1 slioi " “Color makes all the difference In the world In betting. Then, too. a man wll always lose If he bet* In a poolroom In the same street with an undertaker's establishment. I used to lose right along at a poolroom in fitii avenue until I found out that there was a under taker two doors up the street. “A white boss is luckier than a black boss. Whenever there Is a black boss up 1 always bet on him, especially if 1 have on a light suit. The fat boarder was about to leave the table, says the New York Tribune, when he turned and said: "I dou't think I will do much betting at that rate. I haven't enough clothes to go around, and I doubt very much If you will have, young man, if you keep on.” The waxened mustached young man again plastered down a curl, but said nothing. Holding for a Klar. Ex-Congressman Cable of Illinois has a charming young daughter who is re ceiving her education In France. When she wa* several years younger than she is now her father took her on his knee one day and said to her: "To-day a man asked me If I would not sell little brother. He said be would give me a w hole room full of gold. Shall I let him have little brother?" The child shook her head. "But,” persisted her father, “think how much money this room full of gold would be. Think how many thing* you could buy with It. Dou't you think I'd better let the man have little brother?" "No,” said the daughter, “let'» keep him till lie's older. He'll be worth more then."—New York Times. There is a new boarder at the board Ing house. He wear* a new pair of Scotch tweed trousers, a mile too wide across the beam, and an embryoulc waxed mustache, which he loves to train into the form of a grapevine ten dril. When lie Is not twirling hia ten- drilou* mustache or taking another bitch in Id* trouser* he plasters down with bis hand his straggly growth of tow-colored hair and coniine* it a* best A Little Dense. he can behind tbe rims of his small "Sousa's band played before King ears. "Do you know.” said the newcomer, Edward.” "Indeed? That wasn’t court etiquette, "that 1 am the most superstitious fel low you ever saw? Now, really, I am.” was it?" “What do you mean?" “I think that we are all aupersti- "You said Sousa played before the tioua.” said the actress, who sat across from him at the table, and who was Klug The King should have played one of tbe ballet in “Beauty and tbe first, shouldn't he?"—Cleveland I’laiu Beast.” Dealer. NEW AIRSHIP EOR WHICH GREAT PROMISES ARE MADE It of is tup- The owner of tbe machine eiaima it wilt do many évolution* unknown to the tirine machine of Santo* Dumont Tbe Streator inventor declare, his Eagle, for that « wbat be cali* it» could be dricen from Chicago to New tor* at ths rete of 1<»> miles an hour, and 'bat it could be aailed around a tower i ¡th its »■hing thè atro are at ail time*. He also contenda that the Eagle ewuld ned aro a l all l<y ¡s 'be earn* spot .a tbe sir It is plaaued ta ivBetruct a mat Mme at as expena* of I10/AÄ). Science ® . vention I an All rivers of Africa have a marked l>ecullarity. They seek the ocean far thest from their source. The loftiest tableland In the world Is that of Assuay In the Andes. Ati area as big as Yorkshire lie* at a height of 14,500 feet. The Alps cover a apace of 90.000 square miles. In them rivers have their source, flowing into the North Sea. Black Sea and Mediterranean. Norway’* coaatllne is 1,700 tulles in a straight line, but over 12,000 If followed round the fjords; 150,000 Islands haxe been charted in her belt ot Island*. Au anemometer, or wind measure, consist* of four cups at the end of arms. It 1* so constructed that it make* 500 resolutions while a mile ot wind passe*. Twenty-four tons seaweed yield one ton of kelp. This gives about eight pouuds of Iodine. Seven thousand tons of kelp are made yearly on tbe shores of Great Britain. The ocean used to l»e considered about a* deep at Its deepest as the high est mountains are high. It has now been proved to be half as deep again, that Is, 4d.23(> feet. The common lizard changes its color like the chameleon. It will become black after remaining upon black soil for about half a minute, but ui*>u an old fashioned wooden fence the animal soon assumes the motley gray hue of a weather-worn rail. Upon a green leaf the same lizard will take on a greenish tint. All readers of the Arabian Nights" will remember the thrlling conse quences to the mau who, while eating date* aud carelessly throwing the stones about accidentally put out the eye of the invisible sou of a genie, No similar peril would attend the degnata tlou of li specie« of date mentioned In recent French scientific Journals ns having been discovered by M. Riviere in an experimental garden, and which possesses no stone or pit whatever. This new kind of date tree Is said to he very fruitful, and means of cultivating ami perpetuating the species are being sought. The little planet that rides next to the sun, bearing the Latinized name of the god of the winged foot In Greek mythoi ogy. Mercury, has always been more or less puzzling, even to astronomers. Al though Its discovery antedates history, such details as its size, its rate of rota tion and the presence or absence of an atmosphere clothing Its surface are not ’ .vet ascertained with certainty. Tlie latest measurements of the diameter of Mercury, by Dr. T. J. J. See, of the United States Naval Observatory, make the planet considerably smaller than do j the estimates hitherto generally re ceived. The mean diameter, according I to Dr. See. is about 2.(158 miles. This j is about 350 miles less than the figure I gven, for Instance, In Prof. Young'* | "General Astronomy," edition of 18'JS, , where It Is set down at 3.000 miles, "not [ differing from that more than fifty mile* either way.” their couches and stretcher* and bath chairs. It was heartrending. Above the prayers, aud even alsive the tinging of the huge crowd, which formed an Immense oval above the powerful voices of the preachers and itltove tbe stentorian supplication* of Father Marie— rose the whimpering of a crippled Idiot boy. They were drowned suddenly by the tremendous roar at the conclusion of the ceremony a* a crippled lad. who is said to have lost the use of his leg* for many years, dragged himself from the friendly arms which had been support ing him and ran. Was he really pa* alyzed? Will he t>e so to-morrow? There are four doctor* here, of w bom one Is an Englishman, and they believe that miracles do occur. To-night the church and the crosses oil the billside present a falry-like spec tacle, and a* I dispatch this message a torchlight procession numbering many thousands of persons is windiug along the tortdous pathway ot. the mountain side.—Correspondence Lou- fiuu Mall. t TRUSTS IN EUROPE. Large Degree of Publicity iu tion of Corporation«. Forma In Austria. Germany an I France It I* stated that the combinations would probably have taken this form more frequently had It uot been for the fact that the corporation laws require a large degree of publicity In the forma tlou and organization of companies, a* well as tn tbe regular conduct of the business. Moreover, iu Germauy par ticularly, the courts have beeu so fa vorably Inclined toward ordinary agreement* on prices and output that this further step, which ha* seemed ueceasary iu tbe United states, has not beeu taken. In all three of the continental conn tries, also, taxation Is particularly high upon corporations, this being perhaps especially true In Austria, where they pay more than 10 per cent of their in come. Not merely do corporations pay a higher tax than do ordinary firms engaged in the same line of business, but. what is perhaps of equal conse quence, owing to the careful govern ment supervision, there is no possibil ity of the corporation's evading auy part of the tax. Private individual*, on the other baud, or a firm may In many cases, through the various de vices known to taxpayers In all civil ized countries, manage to evade a Cou siderable part of the burden that would otherwise be Imposed upon them. In England the combinations seem to have followed the example of the Unit ed States, and quite generally to have taken the form of single great corpora tions. This has been particularly true during the last two or three year*. At the present time, especially iu the man ufaeturlug district* about Manchester, Birmingham, Bradford and similar cen ters. we find great corporations among the calico printers, the dyers, the fine cotton spinner* and doublers, the thread manufacturers, the wall paper manufacturers, the velvet manufactur ers, and so on. In all of these cases a new corporation luis been formed w hich has bought up the various plants entering Into the combination, and which owns them In full right. In sev eral of these cases, say* Prof. 1. W. Jenks In the International Monthly, the combination* Include a very large pro portion. IH) per cent or more, of all the PILGRIMS TO LOURDES. manufacturers who would normally en ter Into competition one with the oth Many Thousands Looking for Miracu lous Cure* of Disease. er. The*e combination* are like In Lourdes, which for ten months out of form to those In the United States, dif the twelve ha* a population of some fering only a* the corporation laws re 1,500, ha* had Its Inhabitants Increased quire a difference. since early this morning to 18.000, and PAYING OIL WELLS OF JAPAN. I by to-morrow some 23,000 persons will l>e gathered In this little Basque village under the beetling brows of th» Pyr Modern Methods of Drilling Have De veloped Petroleum Industry, enees, which tower over It. Mr. Renders of the British consular We are all watching anxiously for miracles, and since we left Pari* In the service In Japan has submitted to the "white train” on Saturday our talk has British Board of Trade a report on been of little else. There were 50U of us the petroleum Industry, which baa of In the long "white train,” of whom 300 late attracted much attention and odd were *lck, and three were dying reached considerable dimension* In when we started. Now one of the latter that country. The only place In which is dead, and if report Is to be believed the oil Is produced In large quantities three of the sick were cured miracu I* In the province of Echlgo, on the west coast, the center of the industry lously. I saw none of these miracles, but being the town of Arnaae, where the those who did declare that a crippled largest oil company ill the country has lad, who threw away his crutches, and been at work since 1888 with machin a consumptive gtrl, who rose from a ery imported from the United States. stretcher and walked out of the Church Here wells were dug In the sea and of Ste. Radcgonde at Poitiers, had Imtli carried above the sea level by a double been sick almost to death some hours ring of piles Riled In with earth. In the northern part of the province oil before. Although it Is but two full days since was discovered In 188!) and led to a we left Paris, I seem to have been mov fever of speculation. In 181)2 there were between IMS) ami ing amid the sick and dying for several weeks. Our Journey was Inexpressibly 700 speculative companies with small pathetic. All through tbe hot day and capital at work In Echlgo, and most of two stilling nights tbe noise of the them failed. Ou their rulu* arose train drowned the irrepressible cries of large companies working on a great our sick passengers as It Jolted slowly scale and with Imported machinery, Hand boring has almost ceased to ex- on. At each stopping place—and they 1st. and with Improvement In methods were very frequent—«weet-faced. gen of winning the oil came Improvement tie-handed nuns, of whom there were in the transport of the oil to the re two to every three carriage load* of fineries. Pipe line* were Introduced pilgrim*, darted here and there with to convey It from the wells to the re water, soup or milk for the patient*. tiñereis and from the latter to the rail White and black robed priests of the way stations, aud it ha* been proposed Order of the Assumption hurried along to construct a pipe line all the way to the train, praying with one sick passen Tokyo, the capital, about twenty miles ger. talking cheerfully with another, away. Petroleum ha* also been found In comforting here, exhorting there—help Yozo. the northern island, and It Is be ful always. No drug* of any kind are allowed to lieved that the supply there Is as rich the passengers Whatever may be I as ft Is In Echlgo. In one place In the thought of the humanity of trundling Island wells have been dug and worked sick and dying people so many hun by hand for some years. Here the oil dreds of miles In the hope of a miracu overflows Into the sen. and In stormy lous recovery, the faith and cheerful weather tioata take refuge there on ness of these [a>or souls were In them account of the «moothness of the wat er. In 1800 the total production of the selves a miracle. I spoke with many of them on the oil In Japan was 18.833.tfl5 gallon*, of way. Including a man who eventually which 18,713.2») gallons were produc died He was in a state of loathsome ed In Echlgo. London Telegraph. decay from the waist downward, American Hops. though only 22 year* old. and one leg American hop Helds employ The hail Iteen amputated at the right thigh about 2lo.<»»> men. women and chil- before he started dren as pickers alone, for there are 72.- "I received extreme unction before I IHMI.IMS) hop vines to be stripped, and started.” he said, "and If the Holy Vir the crop In a good season Is worth $1(1,- gin does not cure me 1 hope to die at Lourdes.” The poor fellow's last visit 000.000. Pay of Germ an Army Officer«. was doomed to <1 -appointment He died Tbe pay of tbe otberrs of the German yesterday, an hour before we left Poi army Is very small, anti no one can ob tiers. At the tomb of S'» Rsdogonde at lain a commission miles* he has a suf Poitiers. an<! also at the grotto here, to flcient private fortune io yield him an which all the sick are carried itnmedl income of at least *125 a year. ately the trail* srrlie. and at the pas Dyspepsia from tn sou nd Teeth. sage of the boat among tbe sick, which A German physician declares that took place amid great pomp this after 72.5 per cent of dyspeptic* have un noon, there was frenzied eagerness sound teeth among the crippled and Imoptent wor It Is almost Impossible for a business ■hlpera to get nearer. All hoped agaiuat top*' for a miracle to raise them from man to write a sentimental letter. Easily Traced. OUR BUDGET OF FUN. Mrs, Winks Wliy In the world didn't you writs tn me while you were away? Mr*. Mink*—I did write. Mr*. Winks—Then I presume you gave the letter to your husband to mall, ami he 1* still carrying It •> >und In bi* pocket. Mrs. Minks—No I posted the letter myself. Mrs. Winks—Ah. then. It 1* in my husband's pocket—New York Weekly. z HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND INGS HERE AND THERE. DO- Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have lleeu Recently Horn- Sayings aud Doings that Are Old, Curious aud Laughable—The Week's Humor. Midnight Medicine. Struggling Pastor Nearly all the congregation has subscribed liberally for the building fund, and 1 feel sure that I can also have your hearty co operation. How much will yoti— Mr* Leader Let me see. Oh. I am the only member who has it carriage und coachman. 1 think. "Ye*. The rest are poor." "Well. I will drive around and collect the subscription*." New York World She iratber wearily)—It must ly to be a man. He (a late stayer)—Why? She—A man can spend the with whom he pleases and not entertain anythsly that come* New York Weekly. Obliging. evening have to along.— Her Little Scheme. "I bear that Ml** Oldtime refused Skinner, aud now Is encouraging him again?” "Ye*, he was her tirst offer." -Chl- cago Record Herald. Hi« Little Game. Sandy Pikes Yer are pretty lucky, Billy. Do yer go right up an’ ask tie women folk.* for pie? Billy Coalgate No. I asks fer a cake of soap Dat daze* dem so dat I Just walk in and help myself to everything before <ley recover. Chicago News be love Au Important Consideration. I She- So you do not believe In early marriages? You think a man ought to have made his way tirst. I suppose. He—To tell the truth, what weigh* chiefly with me Is that the later one marries the less time one has to out live one's Illusions.—Life. Lessening Appreciutiou. Mrs Newlywed—Oh, mother! John suld till* morning I was one woman In a hundred. Her Mother I see in that no cause for tears. Mr*. Newlywed But, mother, used to say I was one woman tn a thousand!—Puck. Equalizing Matters. Culler Don’t forget lo tell Misa May I called ? Servant I’ll go up ami tell hor right away. No Doubt VV hntrvrr. Mistress l>|d you tell the Indy I was out? Servant Girl—Yea. ma'am. "Did she seem to have any doubt about it? “No. ma'am; she said she knew you wasn't." Glasgow l imes. Wortb .Makes the Price. "Divorces." said the man who want ed to talk and philosophize, "cost more than marriages." "Certainly," said the practical man. "Why not? They are worth more?”— Life. Knox Don't you believe In telling your wife everything that happens? Proxy—Well—er—I can't say that, but I do believe in telling her some tilings that dou't happen Philadelphia Record His Hallucination. Ex-Juryman—There was one mem ber of the jury who wasu't quite right In his mind. Friend—You don't mean It? Ex-Juryman—That’s a fact, thought he knew what the experts were talking about.—Judge. Insult to Injury. Sidney Patches— I tell you. Weary, I don't particularly object to having a flog set on me, for it Is one of the risks of the business and I am willing to take my chances, but when that dog I* a water spaniel It's just a little too much. Wetting Patiently. lie Wouldn't Tell. First Broker Did you win or lose In that big drop In stocks today? Second Broker (loftily)—That's my business, sir. Say, can you direct me to a flve-cent lunch counter?—New York Weekly. The Truthful linker, Mrs. Keepluhouse Are you sure this bread Is fresh? Baker Sure, ma'am. "It Isn't yesterday’s?" "No, Indeed. Why. this Is to mor row’s bread."—Philadelphia Press. Hud Seen Better Days. Dirty Dunnigan—Luily, 1 wasn't ways as I am now. Kind Old I.ndy-No? Dirty Dunnigan (gloomily)—No: I oneo bad a wife an’ six children to sup port me. Brooklyn Eagle. Correct. Tom This music critic apnaks of the soprano'* high note* a* as "full of warmth”. 1* thnt correct ? Jack—Why not? They come upper register, you know I ’hlladelphla Pre*». Ills Dialect. She-Mr. Niblack la a very skillful golfer, isn't he? He—I don't know about that, but certainly Is n very fluent golfer. Easily Eluluined, Station Master—What are you sitting here for, my man? You’ve been around the station for days. Unde III I loaned a man $4 in here las' Thursday an’ he tol' me to wait un til he brought it back. Unpaced. Commuter—You Ixmesomecroft peo ple didn't catch the 7:01 train this morning? Other Commuter—No; our mounted policeman, who Is supjtosed to pace us. broke his bicycle Just as we were start ing.—Judge. Information Cheerfully Given. Inquiring Philosopher—To what do you attribute the increasing number of old maids In this section? Astute Native—I couldn't quite say, but seems to me as If It might be due to the increasin' number of old bache lors aliout here -New York Weekly. Modern Monte Cri«to. I* thnt the world?" asked the Mar tian a* their exploring airship changed It* course In time to avoid the earth's attraction. "I think It used to be called that,” said tbe steersman, "but now it Is merely tho private estate of J. P. Mor gan.”—Chicago New*. Not a Miracle, Either. Bobby Skinner Why do they call Mr. E. Z. Marks a "green grocer?" Mrs. Skinner Because he trusts your father. I guess. Away Up. She—I've been living high dis sum mer. He—What doin'? She—Dancin' on a roof garden Larry I’hwas thor iver Inything Iny more wonderful thon th' camel going tho th' eye av th' nadle? Denny—YIs. Ot've sane me 200- pouml ould woman go tro me fist pock et, bedad.—Chicago News. A Presentiment. “I have a presentiment that some thing dreadful is going to happen to my husband," exclaimed the South Amer ican lady. “I* he engaged In another revolu Hase Libel. Hungry Ulggina—What do you tion?" "No; there wasn't any revolution to think? A woman called me an anima day, so he went out to try hla new ted scarecrow this mornin*. Evening Weary Watkins—I’ve knowed you automobile." — Washington ■Ince the early eighties, but I never •tar. seen no animation about you yet.— Why Remain Poor? Stray Stories. There are vast fortunes lying around Dsnser in Delay. In the forests of Venezuela waiting for She—Woubl you hesitate before mar some husky, energetic men from the rylng a wotnnn for her money? north to come along and gather them He—Oh, no. A man who I* marrying In, according to Dr. I.uclen Morlsse of a woman for her money has no time to I.aguayra, who has been doing botan lose Smart Set. ical work for the Venezuelan govern ment. AU the equipment required Is No Heat, No Fire. robust health, an active disposition "Of course you have your furniture aud the ability to pay strict attention Insured?” to business for eight hour* out of ev- "No, I don't see the use of It" ery 24. Thu* equipped aud working “Your flat is fireproof, eh?” s* an ordinary laborer iu the forests "Seems to be. There's never the of ths Orinoco, Dr. Morlsse says he has slightest suspicion of heat Iu IL”—Phil demonstrated the possibility of a man's adelphla Press. earning as much as $241.25 a day on an expense account of $1. At this rate, Hhe Would Have Had More. Wife— Seems to me that since we and on a basis of 300 working days In were married you might at least have every 1» months, a man should tie able to pocket the tidy sum of $72,075 a doubled your Income. "What good would that have done?" year. The doctor tried his labor experiment in gathering sap from trees and be says Had Kvldrncee of Negiert, Mrs. Brown I've Just been to see there are 74.UUO.OUO acres of trees. If tbe doctor's view lie rigbL there Mrs Mwellman's new place. She ha* Is no need of an energetic man remain stalned glas* all tbrough tlie hotise. Mr*. Parvenü—The Ideal Her ser- ing poor. A little pleasant labor In the vants are too lasy to remove tbe ■ la Ina, forests of Vmesuela would jteM as handsomely as a (old ml I suppo*«?-8tray Stork*.
