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About The Eugene weekly guard. (Eugene, Or.) 1899-1904 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 12, 1901)
THC THIRD DEGREE. <> TRICKS OF COUNTRY FAIR FAKERS 1/ the Master Master cares v.«.. to judge me by tha th.ag’ that 1 have done, ptere will he no place in heaven for hi« fooliah, erring »on; K the Master-» seen the things that 1 bare wanted most to do, piere 11 be no salvation for uie, for th* devil know» 'em, too! jat I've wanted true to want to do the things I knew were right— gsj. can it be the likes of m«'U have virtue in his sight? SUME ODD RESOKTERS norwnce. of reporters’ meth-sis that yielded my first story, but I had sen« • enough to discover very so. n after that QUEER EXPERIENCE OF A LAND the '.title thing w ukl not carry me any further." LADY AT THE SEASIDE. VYIT I iCentmt ie» of PeopleN' ho Re it Sum* mer Outing .• J • 3 i - « E r t tug ut 111 at I it rUTtTI If there'» any place beside the gate to live a life or ao, I'd like to try it all again, before I'm «ent below; I'd like to try to want to do what'» right, and then, maybe, I'd get to try to do it, and at last I might be free! for a full grown saint I know I ain't, and there's plenty more as bad. But give us time and I know we'll climb and make his heaven glad! —Geiett Burgess in "A Gage of Youth." CROOKED GAMBLING TOOLS SOLI» TO FLEECE FARMERS AS lying tying lazily mz.iiy In the hammock, WAS meditating upon t the falseness of and the womaukind in general g falseness of Dorothy Shepard -in whom I had trusted so fully In par ticular. We had been sweethearts ever since early childhood and were now only waiting for the time when I would be able to provide a home. But the newspaper which had come lu that morning's mail contained an account of the marriage of Miss Dorothy Shep ard to her cousin, Reginald Pierce. I had been jealous of this cousin, the year before, when he was visiting at Dorothy's home. He was handsome and wealthy, while 1 was only an ordinary lookiug fellow and a struggling young lawyer. But my reverie Is broken by a slgli from Mrs. Farley, my portly and moth erly landlady, who for six summers has boarded me in her comfortable home In the picturesque little village of Hopetown. She is in her rocking chair on the piazza opposite me, en gaged In the construction of a fearful and wonderful thing which she calls a "tidy.” Again the heartrending sigh. “What is the trouble. Mother Far ley?" I asked. "Well. Mr. Harry, I suppose you’ll think I’m a foolish old woman, but I'm feelln' that bad this moruln' you wouldn't believe- and all because I can't have my picture took.” "Well, Mother Farley, I didn't think vanity was your besetting sin. Why are you so anxious to be photograph ed?” Then the good old soul told me that her son. who was out west, and whom she had not seen for ten years, had ■ent her some money, and had begged her to have her pk*.ure taken for him. The photographer who bad been settled In Hopetown had "skipped” one night about a mouth before, leaving all bls apparatus In his studio, which be had rented from Mother Farley's husband. The nearest town was ten miles away, and. owing to a weakness in her back. Mother Farley was unable to drive so far; but she was inconsolable at the thought of disappointing her sou Rich ard. In my college days I had used a cam era a good deal in an amateur way. and presently I left the piazza and strolled over to the potato field to in terview Mr. Farley relative to a plan which I bad in miud. "Law!” he ejaculated, “you don't say you kin take pictures, too! My! But won't ma be tickled!" I got the key and went over to the forsaken studio; found camera, plates, paper and chemicals all lu good order, anil early that afternoon Mother Far ley. beaming with smiles and attired in her “Sunday best," came over to pose. How delighted she was when I showed her the proof the next morn Ing, and that evening she carried It to the weekly, prayer meeting and exhlb- l'e.i it to all her friends at the close of the service. I finally yielded to their urgent re quest to keep the studio open for a week, and to make photographs of all who cared to have them. On the afternoon of the last day which 1 was to spend In the studio 1 was mounting some photographs of an old maid with a hooked nose and cork screw curls when 1 beard a gentle tap at the door. I called "Come In.” and a very pretty girl, dressed In a neat bi cycle suit, entered. "Good afternoon.” she began, with a bright smile. “My friend and I are on a wheeling tour, and would like a tin type taken with our wheels. If you are not too busy.” "I shall be glad to oblige you. and am at liberty to do »o Immediately," I sa id. "Well, then.” she said, "would you please bring in our wheels for us? M.v friend Is at tbe door with them, but I am afraid we cannot manage to get them up the stairs.” We went down together, and there on the doorsteps sbxid Dottie! Before either of UN eould speak the other young lady exclaimed "He « ill ■ arry our wheels up. Dot, and will take our tintype« right away." Dottie paid no attention to her. but came forward, all »miles and blushes, with outatretched hand. "Wl.y. Hal. she said. “I never dreamed that you had gone In the photo business' I knew you were in H .petow n. of -nurse, and when Nell anggeet«* that «e should wheel down here and see her auntie, who lived In this neighborhood. I consented, and didn't write to y u last week for fear I should let out the •ecret. for I wanted to eurprl«e you. Tbia la my future busband. Mr Oak ley. Mise Curtis, and now Cvme vn. let'« get those t.n yp-A V 'ulj bill HE country fair is the harvest time for the genial faker. The faker is not a husbandman and he sow« not, and neither does he gather up and into bundles, and yet, when the harvest season is over the faker has more money than the honest farmer who has tilled many golden acres. For the faker gets up early in the morning and goes to bed late at night, and he makes money all the livelong day. The temptation to get something for nothing, or at least much for little, to flirt with coquettish fortune, is irresisti ble. Though a man knows full well that the faker is not at the fair merely for the sake of bis health or for a pleasant out ing. anl that his tricks put to shame those of the heathen Chinee, still the vic tim will take the one chance out of a doesn t million of beating the game. He ! beat it, for the game wasn’t rigged up so that he eould beat it. Still he is will- ing to take the chance, and he ■ suffers no disappointment when be fails. Chief among the catch-penny attrac tions of the faker is the cane rack. The cane rack outfit does not cost the faker much. A net rack may be bought for from (15 cents to $1.25 and a canvas one for front 50 cents to $1.30. Canes cost front 50 cents a dozen to $1.50 per dozen. Rings cost 05 cents per hundred. With this outfit and a permit the faker sets up his rack on four stakes, which are purposely- loose, so as to allow the rack to sway slightly. Then he plants bis canes. The cheaper ones predominate, but canes with swelled heads are occasionally seen and here and there are crooks, some reproducing a miniature, a lower member missing, the torso of Venus. The rings vary from one and one-qquzrter to one and three-qurters inches inside diameter. The heads of some of the canes are al most as great in diameter, and those with crooks are turned in such a way that it is almost impossible to ring them unless the ring is dropped immediately upon them. It is difficult even to ring the smaller canes, for they stand loosely 1U the rack, and a side blow tips them so that the ring slides off. Next in favor is the knife board, A board costs from $1.50 to $3.50, and a complete outfit—board. 100 rings and eighty-four knives-may be had for $14.50 and upward. Knives may be ha 1 from 30 cents a dozen to $3 Us a doz, n These knives, the cheaper predominat ing and costing about two and a half cents apiece, are conspicuously display- e<l with all the blades open, an ! therein lies the se ret of the knife board. The cunning faker arranges h:s kuife board bind so that the ring« slide over them as water does a duck’s back. The wheel of fortune seems as fair as any game can be, yet the arrow has a "sneak" and the *faker can stop it at any numi*er or article he desires. A wheel may be bought a« low as $10, in cluding 230 pieces of jewelry, but this is of the cheapest kin I. rings, for exam ple, being quoted a* low as one cent apiece. With this cheap wheel the fir*t profit at 10 cents a whirl, without any sneaking, amounts to $15. and th»* busi- ness "requires no previous experience.” A full outfit of 2.’»o pieces of jewelry costs but $5. thus making a gain of $20. and some fakers make as much as $50 a day. The higher the cost of the wheel the more easily and quickly the money is made, as they are fitted with large pins to separate numbers or colors, and the arrow point has a screw feather, making a certain winner of any desired number or color anl avoiding ail possibility of dispute. Nothing is more tempting than the striking machine, and nothing looks fair er. B it these striking machines are in genious arrangements, and. in the words of an advertisement of a new kind now on the market, "can be manipulated without a helper.” One of these may i»e had for $30. while prize cigars are offer ed to the fakers for $10 a thousand. Red. white and blue is a dealing game. There is a "layout'’ with three shield ou it, one red, one white, one blue, A boz and sixteen ball«, five of each color and »1er « percentage" g >e« with the one "dealei outfit, l’layer« place their money on a given shield, a slide open« in the box. and out pops a ball, It the ball is of the same color the player puts his money on he wins. If not he loses, If this was a fair game the player, by the law of chance, would stand some show of win- ning, but as the box is "fixed the dealer can produce a ball of auy < »lor he de sires, yet any one not in the secret can examine the box at any time and find it . ___ . square, apparently yet it is a tricky box. There are half a hundred tricks work ed with cards, and all of such » nature that they can be worked without the slightest fear of detection. But the visitor to the fair is looking for fun. The faker and his outfit enter tains him and he doesn't b<*gru lge the money. Dorothy has been my wife for two happy years, and I have only one se cret from her. That is, that 1 thought, even for a moment, that she had beeu false to me—my own loyal darling! Reginald Pierce has taken the house opposite curs. “The twin Dorothy».” as we call our wives, are Inseparable friends. be Is plums! to the ground with an ar row. But the moat effective method is what the Indiana call the rain bunt As soon as the steady downpour of summer rain begins every Navajo who can walk repairs to the prairie deg vil lage with hoes, sharp ati< ks or any d g glng Implement. With these they hol low out treuches. that will lead the storm water Into as many burrows as possible. Soon a little stream is pour ing down each small home, and the in- mate, much disturbed pops out to see what the matter can I*. Many of the animals remain under ground until they are drowned, and their l>odles float to the surface. After such a hunt, in which many pounds of pra.rie dogs are generally secured, there is a feast for many days In the Navajo huts T TRAPS TO CATCH TIGERS Powerful Steel Snare« that Hold the Brute« Securely. Capturing tigers by a novel meth.si la now » being adopted in Sumatra and is proving almost invariably successful, As soon as a tiger's lair has been found uao-.c are employed to construct a natives wooden fence nine feet long and four w< feet wide a short distance away from It and iu thia Inclosure Is then placed as a bait a dog. which is tied to one of the fence posts. A narrow entrance leads into the Inclosure anil there, deftly con cealed under earth, leaves and boughs of trees. 1» placed a strong steel trap which is so designed that any animal that places its foot on it is certain to be held captive. This trap Is of recent Invention and consists of strong steel plates and equally strong springs When It Is set tbe plates form a sort of platform and aa soon as the fixer which has t>een lured thither by tbe dog »eta bi» foot thereon the springs are released and the cruel steel gri|m the leg and hold« It fast. Powerful a« the tiger la. he c.rnnot free himself from such bondage and as those who have set the trap are never far away tie is in a short time either killed or securely caged. At the same time the dog Is released and. Ind>-ed. he could not I* removed from the inclo- sure as long as the trap was set, since this instrument, strong as ft Is. never theless Is so delicate that ths pressure even of a dog'« foot would release the springs and cau«e the animal's leg to l>e crushed In a twinkling —Ixvndon Telegraph. INDIAN PRAIRIE DOG HUNTS. The Little mat« * re'teeesel Delntr I»e«lrable Quslltle« in an < »pal 1. In judging ao opal, color 1» of tbe greatest importance. Red fire, or re«l In combination with yellow, blue and i green, are the best Blue by Itself is quite valule««. and the greet: epa! la not of great value unle«» the color is very vivid and the pattern very good. The color must tie true; that 1« to say. It must not run In streaks or patches, al tematlng with a i-vlorless «r if, quality. 1'attern Is described a« being an im|>ortant factor, the several varl etles being known as pin fl re.” when the grain la very small; ' har'equln. " when the color Is all in small squa the more regular the twtter. an, ' flashtire." or "flaahopal,” when color shows as a single flash, or iu t large pattern. Harlequin la the common, and la also popularly co ered the most beautiful. When squares of color are regular and ' aa distinct, minute cbe- ks f red. yel low blue and green. It Is consider« magnificent. Some st<mes sb w better on edge than on top M'KInley's F irst The first dm: McKli was his bart pre Lord I’z ported Dish bribe N««ajo^ The Navajo Indian, while be canDot be prevailed upon to eat a rabbit. Is greedily fond of fat pral cotumunltiea of these abound on tbe western Navajo baa resorted to methods for trapping t coveted daln e aid of a bit ty. One of them Is by •n’rance to a royal of mirror placed at tl.i nal ventures When tbe anl burrow, underground from bl« bedroom, Jeep mo< king him _____ be sees a familiar Im hurries out to at tbe front d<x>r. end confront tbe Impm ident intruder when Morie« ut Odd L. »l^vr». The eccentricities e who euuie to mj y w u small volum< a landlady to t e pre»« r whims and pc ubarli ¡t igh iucredlblc. am I now bow to gitter w lieu 111 ijr d patrous. A tasl aau of some forty take my best roou. did uot like the averred that it un ugly." aud I aecot u auotber gla«s ah' She accotnpauie room Inspecting 1 eventually decided ti cm was sufficiently •r requirements. I dut out that the lctoking g but such wa fact, ft would have uuuinu indeed that t have r< fe.r ures •' ..i'i'' lady «xpreaaed herself del the apartment«, but flatly take them w lieu »lie learnwi that then were some g •utlemen lodger» lu ' house. It seemed that sb«- made it ■> rule to lodge n establishment» v none but women »ere admitted, aud undoubtedly she was In «•arch of •» nunnery and not a sea» de lodgii‘1» house. Such eases as th s are rare, for in most Instances there 1» a pr>«b' lletlon in favor of male society, and one lady last season aUmdou.d the Idea of coming to me when she «a« In forme«! that 1 had only one mascnlme ;>atron at the time. A stout mi ■ -,r.' Individual who staye.1 four weeks at my house insist.»1 on pasting i>olitlcal tracts all over the walls of his room, and It ucvde.1 strenuous effort« on my part to restrain him fr»tn f. similar tactics in the dining Ing room*. Seeing tliat h> de¡ without paying for his fl: 1 * lodging. 1 have »Ince that t oped a strong antipathy to display a tendency to violet bias. An old gentieman • with me for several week» traordinary mania for I H new spaper* and per.-* - *• ofteu bring In quite a though I am »ure that he ' • thin! of ’he same. When the house I counted t few journal* scatter.sl In his n»>m. many of wl ly never b«»en opene lodger I ever had »' man. who occupied a on.l t1...r f.* three me the whole of hl* *t*F hl* mouth on any one oce*** f whatever request* be \vbe ward were made in In w tn. Mr tg he be aa sa d “4 wa« leaving e fi r«t 1 nie WS» ___ and tfc- that ’ of bl« vulce. ; heard 1 the «oc vr rote to me ♦»n- »iik ng f.vr hi« extra- afterward, naxfr » ä Kl : a««!gn:ng no rea- ordinary »11« »on therefor, Many year« ag» vben I bad a house lo«e to the beseh, one of rn ng at my lodger» wroukl r1«e q o'clock and. arm ns ’ hllBMtf < ’■ X a •ea huge pall, would «ally rfow" *•' with. He and bring ba k water f, dosen would repeat tbe pr«1 full. time« until th« re-T n the though why he d.l i ree. ”— ,-e.n it-df 1 n Ixtroit Free WISDOM 1 bi V Ä u th c S'. tar of < >xf d. ’ t, w > of Huiuuu Nature I'hases Graphically l'or- U H» 11 n "Oh. I know that But by that time I will V "V b w- much uiy hotel bill ¡"-Judge. Wei»ihe<l in the Halanct. A Budget of > ua. “I bave found out oue thing about tny busliand." said th.- bride who hud tn eu marrie,! before, “that surprises n e greatly ” Her friend moved up a lltt,e uearer. » > th.it they could whlsi-er. nu.l i-ked •'What is It?" "His salary Is just a« big as he told me It was.” Chicago Record Herald. tl :lhly HU > H Laughable tmmeul Word Artista wf trajed by tn I Odd, Curious and Our Own Day y U I rt) cd I STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY Mto OF THE PRESS. At Ike ►bore, She It will take us half an hour to get l»n‘*k to the hotel. He And In that time I must know my fate. ••Rut I < annut give you my answer Farmer llar»h<Te The pap»r» have ill quit blow i’ about Aguinaldo'» abib e fot captured. Farmer Hayri ek Well, they orter. I . . . nt udy i‘ military e-on<>mi<s Buuii'M Imt a I in it tat enough of a scrlmiiia^t price of W ¡eut 2 <vnt.<— l.tivrlinr»«, Lou V u < Il tm anlng but ar m c, u' iiu iily ( of w hat. under «liulbir >r. Bishop prod. S.i i i i lit 1 U ilbvr e. wo lid have violle. At las I he »aid "An hdeacoti. you remind me of the Witch of Fn<|. >r. for you are not con unletui you raise the ghost id Sa muvl.” At a pi ize giving which he attended at a sciio d in Oxford, after bls fame : a hietorm n was assured, the head nut t, r expre —evi bls great H scuse of lll.b'bt- «h'pess lie only hoped that the fulfil- in, nt <>f such engagements did not so Intrude on tile bishop's leisure as to dl tnluish ti e pros|»eet of his publishing another great lsH>k. Tbe ■ ¡shop. In acknowledging the kirdly tribute said that far from writ lug I mh ■ks. In- s arcely had time to o|»eu a book "When I say that.” lie added, “there is one Issik which a« a bishop I must study it inly I need hnnll.v say that the tiook to which 1 refer" (here a «1111- ik - ss fell on the audlem-ei "is Brad »haw.“ There w a* a ripple of laughter at his tn, uti lung the lt.i.lw ay Guide, every- I .«ly bail ex|m*teil him to »ay tbe Bi ble. Bishop Stub' « wa« a firm friend, am! knew very well bow to defend bls frieud« »tan-lily and wittily Some one «aid to him. "There's that Bi»hop of Manchester. h< u jM‘rf«M*tly lovelyf Oatwlfe, with enthusiasm, a spare l^lntom built w walla, like stationary • w !” Detroit Freee I’rvaa liutfr ”■ iixce««. First Bsnqueter That was a lil-eat dinner. Svonil Banqueter F.l> .ant I haven t felt •<> nni-vinfortnble for a 1 utf time, l'lillailelpbia li A llarti Problrm. Elr^t Scieutlat Thia Is a puzzling case. Indeed. say «o. Second Scientist amateur Why. this would lent ist Her irii«*d aa 1 thr-r W|! r state. J'.u-nai i nerf th* m*a«io*i Preforr uce. First Summer Girl If you conld »¡»«•nd the winter Just where y<»u cboee w t>*re would you hk«« to K”? S«»eon<l Kummer Girl lu tlm Isle of M.ui. of course Somerville Journal. - •-. c Confirm r«l Habit. Mrs. !<a Salle I« always cluing lug husbands. He Yes She tolti me she was wed- ded to married life Ulte Stuart Set. Teacher Now. Bobby, suppose you ate two apples, and then ate three more apples, what would that make? Bobby Make me bust. I re. kou. I nstn ■■ t Ion. Swes-t Young Thing By the way. Miss Wellaloiig. do you remember the "year without a summer?" Miss Wellalong I don't remember that I ever beard of It. When was It? Sweet Yvtiug Thing It was the year lbl'k 1 think Chicago Tribune CoBldn't * H ir t It, "Darliug." exclaimed the happy hus band. after the minister had pronouuc c<l them one. T am not worthy of your stone love.“ i r«e for “Of course you're not," she replied, . and I - ; S “but at my age a girl can't afford versal Ion let even an op|»>rtunity like this by.” _______ SPAS ARDS IN A HOLE. A Gratis Hint. "Do you always preach without notes?" I tn i u I r. si the io-.» vestryman. "Yes," replied the old minister “Don't you think you might do better If you preached with notes?” "Undoubtedly I would If they were five or ten dollar notes." Philadelphia Press A Bright Outlook. Clam These autumnal days make me sad. Clarence Oh. cheer up. dearie; we’re got half a load of coal left over from last year. Sitiatrur krhearaal. Hsr First Football Game. % Car* Fest Peri orra» 1 Iho’phin. !•** 3 a hr the She It Is a rough game. Isn't It? He Why, yes, but you dhin’t »xpect see It settled by arbitration, did you? Fu k benaational F.p sode, u •'I>ld you hear atmut the sensational s< ra¡»e old Gayboy got Into at Atlan tic City? lie wan seen kissing a wom an on the hotel plaxza ” “Nothing strange altout that.” “Not at first sight, but they discov ered that It was his wife.” Baltimore American. w nicy -rased I.drew tireak- ITewntly i ie r»-»t. «tea ied I nk k tid be against •ome- a riled act* Too M.nr Htadi ind Tber was a ral In »ad Patient'« W ife If you < snoot decide iebt, «o the «uppoaltlon wa« I what 1« the matter with my busbaud. ti a« tryiug to knock the «leu ' badn t you bettrr call In some other upport» from under IL But pbyahiaua for consultation? presently her buaiue«« wa« plain to Family Doctor- Merry, no. tnadnnt. ».;bt. At one end of the bridge there My Ideas are roufused enough already. wa» a «bort tunnel; Into thi J« a train bad —New York Weekly. hurried and »topped, bar ng escaped Her Point of View, the «olid «b»t with which the l*olpbln Husband Do you know that every had attempted to «trike It It wa«. a« angry ■be a tlds a I «ay. a «hurt tunnel When the en I time a woman gels <lnrer bad bi« lo<-ouioti ve hidden, the new wrinkle to her face? Wife No. I did not; but if it I» so, t and rear of the train waa «till when the cwoductor ordered him for I presume It Is a wise provision of uature want •» a« to over the rear, the loco- to let the world know what sort of a York motive a far a* Its t»e|| projected frmu I husband a woman the tunnel'« mouth Thus the 1 Milpbin Weekly kept it dodc ng until a »hell to the rear | torr np rail i and tied. and another to ' THE REPORTER’S FIRST STORY. the front data, bed a piece of the bill am! «ruffed the tunnel'» mouth with It. Scored a Becaaee He IhJ Not Having la.tually put the enemy In a know U hen to Drop It. bole, the l»olphln turned t-ack to the “When I broke into the new<paper flagship and reported that «he bad cap- Du* in»«»." mi id the veteran New Y»*rk rund found It tmp>o«ibl» to ■d a pr.zr. pr'.ae. but fvu < orrevpoodeDt of a l»l< Western daily. tow ■ It to port. "I made a h:t oo uiy very firvt aMl<n ? uri (¿a» al Low Pr»« e. ment. and. «»Lily enough, my ••ccvna .11 a an due entirely t • my nf mr Hoboken Inventor, Chai A Kuehl«*I. a»*erta be can pr-»!uee a dry. * a D<»Drxpl<»» ' e gaa made from eighty five (Marta of air and fifteen parts of kerr> .. . > petroleum bum ng for nak ng steam has been the long-«ougbt Yea. Miss we raised this b>»ney right problem. The i<b-a Is not new ami more ber»» on the farm ” than :■•■ patent» for Inventions to that -Indeed’ Th<*n y«»u keep a bee?” end are on file at Washington. Tbe h « I b aim has been to bum tbe oil with Kettln« Hl« Blakt. 11 I wo Now aud He- Tsbaw: There's nothing remark enough air to make It more economical r an '< get mater than coal or any other fuel. Mr. Kuen able In knowing bow to cook ! - t»MÌy w ie xeI says It is only a few weeks since Rhw That's all you know atx»ui It. st a late fire bave a cu be hit on hl« prtxvti for manufacturing There ia everything In the making of when 1 got 1 red let a highly inflammable, nonexploalve dry bash Chicago NVw» le paper St ten lint gas large > • iq.r,-«s,«l a r mixes! n<»>n w up ref No T me to I.« with only fifteen parts of petroleum. f»rt«*r President tof mine» Advertí«* that sn.me estimate of tbe extraor'l.nary we have a few share« of new at<>< k to that a eBeapne •«« of this gas may he formed. •ell at >1 a share •One says the - Black Diamomi, when It Is de Clerk W ben shall I put the ads In? iii* ’1* clared that from a alt gle gallou of kero .. pwi "At mce We've got to get enough ¡HMtal sen,- mixed with hot compressed air money together to pay the neat divi IJks? cubic feet of tbe gas can t*e pro dend."^ duced. and this in the facs of the sol • tranan»«. atxl oft repeated «’ateinent that It *>« ' i»o you know what my wife'« atren pa ew could n t ex .»t If gas rvdm-vsi by law to 75 cents a thou uoua motto 1« during the preaervlni araaoBF’ a«ke<l I'utnao. "N’o,” replied Cawker "What 1« It?” a het’er g»« than New |M»r»*r 1 ng \*r lo centi a tbou , “I can ” about tbe H'»N>ken offl T »«*••« I Keep It Qnlet. Tv would t* for Bluff I'd have you to know, air, that rent :• a tboOMUi't.” be I'm a self made man. ta "But «e arv Gruff Well. I'm sorry for you; but 1 Juet now in mik-1, keep It dark and don't worry, and i » t ite foc L d run- ba i * you'll get along all right D»bl|*< One thing • ntr a < X Di’ on of dwel* Hl. Wise to Afll'.ence. Bjones now has Ida coach and .« newn ce’ibLtb * aorf we tb nk we Why, I thought he was so poor pr ee ef city gna.**. He Is, but be has a baby \ Daring Yntlbor. and tb« fourth kid arrtied last « as uiy that tb* eeene i>i«l rei» in tbe Infernal re . Tbrj I I wi Z WITH • ngli»s ll,,hoi> vv h - Had • Clever ani • Kin II v Tongue. a \ oiume atiki 'lake iulere«tut< Read- I h«ve s ’iled my bands with mischief, so J I've wauted to do more, t was but because I didn't dare, it wasn't done before: behind the dirty deed I did. bebin ! the wish I had. There's been a longing to be straight, a feeling I was bad; Thotigh he alone has seen and known beyond that double sin— Ha knows my soul is somehow say. will he let me in? Clouds Cleared Away A.'artiuent« WEIGHTED HVJIOR OF THE WEEK i F T K» * W* Jfyy ’J > The stag.- direction« are: The Connt seize« Marlon In bls arms and carries her to the topmost cliauilwr of the ruin ed abliey. The fount (to himself) That's the worst of these fat parts. M.sinshlue. A Bright Future. "But what nre your prospects, young linn?" Inquired her father. "1," resp .miisl the Impecunious young man. Impressively, "am the favorite nephew of n wealthy, eccentric uncle who Is exploring the Niagara whirl pool In a steam launch culhal the Fool killer." Brooklyn Eagle. A Havlna of Wood. Hilbscrlber What! no lire In the atuve Hila cold weather? Editor None; but there’s a creditor coming around thia morning who promised to make It hot for me. lauta Constitution. The Limit. ''Suppose. Bobble, that another should strike vour right cheek," asked the Bunday «chool teacher, "wbat would you do?" "Give him the other cheek to strike, M |M -That’« right. Mid the teacher, "Yessnm." •aid Bobbie, “and If he struck that I'd paralyze Bits. No (banca for ’hat ' Madam.” sal«! the Energetic Book Agent, "I haw here a valuable cook ls>ok. which shows you a dozen way» to utilize cold roast beef " "Humph." answered the llanl feat ured Lady at the floor. “It never gets a chance to get cold In this house, timore American. W hat He Controls. Ballfan inferring L- pitcher» What magnificent control be baa? Root- Perfectly marvelous! Why. be baan't called the umpire a single name for over two Innings! Puck Theirs Uv Night, “I wonder why there are <!•< day«, but no cat days." said Mrs. Darkey. "The night belong to the cata, you know,” Mr. Darley explained. No KclueUon. Two well known literary men, one of whom la growing bald, pa.aed a bar ber’s «hop. In the wlmlow of which waa a algti, *'Flr»t-('la«a Hair Cut. 15 Cents.” “That would l>e a cheap place for me.” said the bald headed man. "I've ■o little hair left, they couldn't con- •<Tnitlou«ly charge mv more than 10 ernta” "You don't uml<T»taml the trfgn. ' «aid hl« companion, gravely. “If you bad only three «i>ear» left, yours would al- way« be considered tlr«t-la«« hair, and you will observe It is that kind for Tb*y Can’t R* w hich they demand the 15 cents.” "Do you think. Colonel." she asked. wlfttent young man “ that there !a any danger of our lost! g No other FtplanaGou l*oa«lbla. “! a»k«M| til* ni an Wyllkyna Wbat an ugly cloak that it 1 ought to go for free speech In this country?” Not a bit.” he replied “aa long as she ' Is ---------- rxpeu* woman Is wearing? And ~ there 1» a Kansas woman left!"—Gbl slvely dressed, too.” cago Record Herald. ii atkyna Yes; It must tw fashion. Somerville Journal. To His Morrow. Bigg» I*o you know anything about While I . • ¡:iy ».I t prevent a liquid air? man frota falling In lot.. It la a well- Bogga Yea; I bought some stwk In wu ’ ' 1. r >e interféra with company, and I ■ a lot of philosophy. uu.1 tn.ng aa but air.—Judge.