The Eugene weekly guard., July 13, 1901, Image 9

TWO LOVES OF A SAILOR.
ob .a «W
•at “J b!inked *’ th*
THE YELLOW MAN'S Bl ROEN
IS SAVED BY HIS EYEGLASS.
GOOD
.
.ng o’the »*• »»ng !>*•
.¿’.••i * *
of * mar,B*r l71IJ
11 »ni hi*
*° trne-tha
ho. yo bo. »mg hey.
o'er cre»te*i billow», thro dashing
•pray.
With »ail* a bulging ah» acuda
away:
Away, away o'er the waters gray—
Away i through
------ 'he dylug day!
Sing ho. sins “••>•
ol, Ibe mariuer bold hi. ain love pressd
To hi. heart and her .weet Up. k!.«ed-
gveet HP*
*’,or* ,h'‘> ’
d ' er **
true,
tVh-u he «ailed away i' the mist.
Smg hey. oh bey. yo ho!
Through the aingmg top. the wild
winds blow,
I,,,., tlie dank mist, the ahip doth go.
An I the mariner sings a. he roll, be­
low.
. .
„,
"My love will be true. 1 trow.
Sing bey, yo bo!
CvtumeuUug on tbe remarkable brav­
ery of the Japanese soldiers, a New
York war correspondent says: "When
tbe allle» Uy under tire from the walls
>f Tien tsin, the Japanese held two
rows of huts aloug the south canal.
Betvi c - ju these two rows was au opeu
space, commanded l>y the Chinese tire.
A soldier was started with a verbal or
der across this «one. Within thirty
yards he fell dead. Another soldier in­
stantly dashed out with tbe message,
and he fell likewise. Like clock work
a third soldier ran out, and there was
a roar of cheers from tbe allies as the
brave Japanese made tlie trip lu safe
John Fox Jr., in his sketch of "The
Southern Mountaineer” In Scribner's
Magazine, relate that a travellug evan
gellst, Mr. Bamew, once »topped at a
true.
She lulled hitu to rest on her heaving
tuouutaln tavern and told the story of
breast
•he Crucifixion. When he was quite
An»! her white arms about him threw.
through, au old wotnau who had listen
L . sing
j I n «r bey!
he V ’
Sing ho. yo ho.
««I lu absorbed sllemv asked: "Stran
oue
true
love
Re went to ilia
ger. you say that that liappene«! a long
day.
while ago?" "Yea,” said Mr Barnes,
At peace iu ber arms for e’er
"almost two thousand years ago.”
ay*—
"Aud they treat«Ml him that way when
Lets lasting (be lassie's peace,
he’d come down for nothin’ on earth
say—
She wed with a lump o' clay!
but to save 'em?" "Yes." The old
Sing ho. sing hey!
The white man's burden has le-en described in prose and poetry. The yellow woman was crying, softly, and she put
—fft. Paul Dispatch.
man's burden, greater than bis white brother's, remains to be pictured by historism out her hand aud laid it ou his kuee.
»nd commentator». Chiuam payment of $300,000,00)) indemnity, euormous as this "Well, stranger," slie said, "let’s hope
sum is, cannot be the heaviest weight on the shoulders of the already overtaxed that hit ain't so.”
•
Celestials, says Williamsport (Pa ) Grit. China's credit remains good so long as
Queen Victoria's relations to her long
she has concessions to offer as security. If she display good financiering. China
An Augmented Education
can easily pay this amount or even a larger oue, to satisfy the pecuniary demand» aucceeslou of prime ministers would
of the powers, the while investing large sums tn ueeded iuternal improvements. furnish an luteresüug theme for a large
chapter In the history of her reign.
Tbe yellow ntsu's burden is not a financial one.
China is to-day practically without government for her 400.000.000 of people. That she was not at all partial to Mr.
royal family is divided, the Empress working sgainst reforms necessary for Gladsome is well kiiown. "He talks
HE friends of Marcia Egremont The
the perpetuity of the empire, and tlie Emperor being powerless to caTry out such
often wondered which she knew improvements as he considers advantageous for the nation. Imperial authority i to me as If 1 were a public meeting.”
the most about, vocal training or lacks power to execute its ordinary orders even, neither Empress nor Emperor she Is reported to have said. With Dis
I raell she was on the most cordial terms,
love-making; she had enjoyed so much
having civil officers of sufficient loyalty or armies of sufficient strength to oppose
Such obedience as is secured, even of personal and almost Intimate
of both. As a consequence of this over­ the powerful viceroys and crafty mandarins.
springs from policy more than from anything else.
Dishonesty, corruption, friendship. He was an adroit courtier,
abundant preliminary education In both
treachery, and worse crime exist in the highest as well as the lowest official and aud said in the last year of his life to
lines her friends also predicted great
circles. Civilization in its true sense is not appreciated by the average Matthew Arnold: "Every one likes tint-
dlfticulty and delay in tbe matter of her social
Celestial who is an example of a decaying race. China's real burden is to arrest tery; aud when lt comes to royalty,
•settling down"—either to a career or decay, reinvigorate and elevate its 4(H),000,000 people, a burden which no other
you should lay It on with a trowel."
a peaceable inn. tied existence.
nation has to bear.
Once, when an enthusiastic young
Marcia, for the present, judged all
It is true that the payment of $300.000.000 indemnity will not make China’s
chairman at a large ni«>eting In Har­
lovers, apparently at least, by their vo­ burden tin.v lighter, no matter how favorable the conditions of payment. It is also
lem, New York, was making an earnest
true that unaided she cannot begin the process of regeneration necessary for her
cal qualifications. As a heart-search
further existence as an entirely independent nation
But the indemnity may au«l alncere but very flattering apeeeli
Ing love affair Is supposed to be "devel­
in Introducing the lai«* Henry George,
oping” to the human voice—espe­ bring this necessary assistance, since financial obligations will continue inter the latter wriggled and writhed as
course with some nation or nations able to give direction. Still, tbe conditions
cially of the tenor variety—Mar­ are not such that foreign assistance can easily be accepted, a fact that disclose» ! though his character was being as
cia may be supposed to have rendered
1 persed instead of praised. Unable to
the worst phase of the yellow man's burden.
large numbers of rising tenor sing­
I bear It longer, he suddenly leaue«! for-
ers valuable assistance on the road to­
! ward ami poked the chairman In tbe
ward fame. She had grown rather press his admiration, she slipped from tiers suffered for clothing. Buckskill I back with a walking stick he had
weary of this pastime— and of tenors— the waiting room aud out Into the side was sufficient while the weather kept found tieside him. The chairman, In a
when Philip Derwent madp his appear­ of the hall to listen to him, as he real­ dry, but there was one great objection flood of bellow lug eloquence, choppetl
ized with a thrill.
to it as a rainy day garment.
ance In her world.
| off In the middle of a »ord, looked be-
At first this knowledge threatened to
One afternoon a certain Jimmie, who
Most music-lovers went wild over
hltul him. had a w hispering conference
hamper
and
bold
back
his
(lowers
of
ex
­
had
not
I
h
-
cu
long
In
the
country,
was
Philip, praised him unreservedly, but
with the philosopher, turned back to
pression. His heart beat like that of a out with a surveying party, when there
Marcia tossed her head In disdain.
the audience, and said, quietly: "Mr.
"Cold as the polar regions, that child expecting to be chidden, or of a came up a drenching rain. Before they George don't wnut me to get tbe rest
novice
facing
au
audience
for
the
first
could
reach
shelter
the
buckskin
voice!” was her verdict. "Not even
of that off," which tickled the 11 swill-
wine would take the chill off those top time. 11c would not look in Marcia's breeches of the men were thoroughly binge Into spasms of laughter.
direction; lie dared not.' Then suddenly saturated. A hospitable house, ren­
notes.”
Rajah Surau. who was oue of the
"Ixive?" suggested the friend who a thrill of shame swept through him— dered delightful by daughters and enrli«*st rulers of India, overran the eti-
to
be
afraid
of
a
girl
who
had
stead
young
lady
guests,
opened
Its
doors,
had most Intimate knowledge of Mar-
tire East with the exception of < 'bina.
cl»'« igimerous but not perhaps utterly fastly refused to consider him as any­ and the surveyors took shelter.
Jimmie was not acquainted with the killed innumerable sultans with Ills
unselfish efforts Iu behalf of risiug sing­ thing uioiv than the merest of ac­
quaintances! Shame! He faced her vagaries of buckskin, and on alight Ing own hand, an«l married all their daugli
er».
daringly,
his heart beating faster tliau from his home lie was distressed to find tero It Is said that when the CI i I uimm -
"Perhaps,” replied Marcia, enigmati­
heard of his triumphant progress, and
cally. "but It takes a lot of trouble to ever, and almost lost bls breath over ills feet enveloped In tlie slimy folds learned that he had reacbetl their fniu
tbe
great
surprise
which
followed
his
of
trouser
legs
which
had
mysteriously
do some things.”
tier, they became much alarmed. The
Then she went quietly on with her movement. She was Hatching him lengthened, and become iis unmanage­ enqieror called a council of his generals
own life and enjoyment, using her fine anxiously, eagerly, her eyes dilating able as a Jellyfish. So lie took out Ills and mandarins, and upon the advice
voice and eyes so well that Philip Der­ with something like fear as he stood knife and cut off the extra length.
A rousing tire had lieen built in the of a crafty old mandarin the following
went wns soon desperately iu love with there, hesitating. The orchestra rum­
great
open tireplace, and the isiys drew strategem was carried out: A large ship
bled
out
the
prelude
to
his
soug
again,
her. or fancied that he was. But still,
was loaded with rusty nails, trees were
according to Marcia, the chill retnaln- anil this time he lifted up his voice and up in front of It to dry their clothing. plant«*d on the deck, the vessel was
As the buckskin dried It l>egan to
sang.
Something stlrnsl in tbe back of his shrink, and the breeches made a per manned by a numerous crew of ohi
men, and <llspat<*ho«l hi the rajah's eapl
throat, aud It seemed as though bands, ceptlbly retrograde movement.
Jim perceived It, and. bending down, tai. When It arrived (the most won
hitherto unrecognized, were loosened;
derful part of the story is that It did
something stirred under bis heart and stretched them, to the lll-coneealvd
arrive) the rajah Hent an officer to ask
amusement
of
those
who
had
witnessed
he felt like a god rather than»a Ilian.
how long It had taken the vessel to
Tlie marvelous burst of song that fol­ the amputation. But the buckskins
make tlie trip from China. The China
lowed was but the natural expression were on the retreat, and presently had
■lieu answered that they had all been
of this new joy and freedom. Ami all put an alarming distance h»IWH'D their
young men when they set sail, and that
the “chilliness” had vanished from lower edge and the top of Jim’s shoes.
on the voyage they had planted tlie
He did uot wait for the rain to stop.
those wonderful top notes.
seeds from which the great tns-s had
He, too, was recalled three times, and Ho got out liis horse and rode away.
grown. In corrolsiratlon of tlielr story
he reached the waiting room again, tbe
they pointed to the rusty nails which,
Electric Eel's Victim.
last retail over. In a state bordering
At the Zoological Gardens n largo they said, had been stout Iron bars ns
<m what would have been exhaustion
electric eel was swimming in its tank thick as a man's arm »lien they start
had he not been so uplifted aud happy.
with more activity than usual, when a ed. "You can see,” they concluded,
Marcia met liini. cheeks flaming, eyes
big cockroach fell into the water, mid "that China must tie a very long «Ils
sparkling, yet moist and dewy, lips
in Its efforts to get out mnde a dis- tjince away.” The rajah was so milch
parted lu generous commendation ami
turban.«1 of the surface, which attract­ impressed by these plausible iirguimsils
■incerest praise. And Philip, still un­ ed the attention of the eel. The eel that he concluded he would not live
der the spell of that wonderful exalta­ turned round, swam past it. discharg long enough to reach China, and aban
tion. caught her in Ills arms and drew ed its battery nt nliout eight Inches doned bls projected Invasion.
her head down to his breast.
off. and the cockroach Instantly stop­
Every Animal Its Own Din-tor.
"My darling! M.v dearest!" The ped stone dead. It did not even move
MARCIA s Tl’HS CAMK FIRST
Animals get rid of their parnsltes liy
stage employe, waiting a call In the its antennae after. Tbe eel then pro
ed to shadow the all but perfection of corner, smiled, sighed, and considerate
using dust, mud. clHy, etc. Those suf
those tipper notes. And then came the ly departed. "My sweetest girl. I know ceeded to swallow its victim, and the ferlng from fever drink water, and
narrator goes on to point out tlie cu­
night of the charity concert.
sometimes plunge Into It. When a dog
you love me-as you know that I wor­
Marcia was still undecided as to what ship you. We have told each other all rious circumstance tiiat the tisli. lias lost Its apis-lite It eats that spei-les
weighed
alsmt
twelve
jMittnds.
which
to do with her voice and her wonder­ to-niglit in our singing."
of grass known as dog's grass, which
should find It worth while to fire its
ful vocal training; the friend who knew
acts
as au emetic ami a purgative. Cats
And the friend who knew most of
her best was more puzzled than ever. Marcia, coming to the waiting room to heavy artillery nt a creature an Inch also eat grass. Sheep and cows, when
half
long,
when
It
could
easily
and
a
But. for the time being, she was all en­ congratulate and accompnny her home­
III. seek out certain herbs. An animal
thusiasm about her tnuslc. The pure ward, was treated to the greatest sur­ have swallowed it sans faeon Ghani- suffering from chronic rheumatism al­
enjoyment of singing possessed her prise of her life. For Marcia lay in bers’ Journal.
ways kee|>s as far ns instslble 111 the
night and day. She appeared in the Philip's arms quite meekly, ami the
An Abstainer.
sun. The warrior ants have regularly
little ante-room of the big hall early on light of a new born gentleness and af­
Briggs—Well, I have had to ghe up organized ambulances, Latreille eut
the night of the concert, dressed to per­ fection almost transfigured her face.— flirting.
the antennae of tlie ant, ami other anta
fection. all radiant and sparkling and Chicago Tribune.
Griggs Why?
catue and covered tbe wounded part
charming delightfulness from satin
Brigg»—I found It was affecting my with a transparent fluid secreted in
Hurpr »Ing Shrinkage.
•lippers to shining hair. And her color
heart.
___
their mouths.
A writer on old Texas says, in "The
came and went In a fashion which set
If a chimpanzee Is wounded. It st<qsi
ap
Don
’
t
depend
on
your
|>ersonal
Philip's heart beating wildly, as they Evolution of a State." that In 1K37 the
the bleeding by placing Its hands on the
pearance
earning
your
salary.
waited silently side by side for their re­ winter was cold and wet, and the set-
Wound or dressing It with leaves and
spective numbers.
grass When an anlmnl has a wounded
Marcia’s turn came first, and Philip
leg or arm hanging on, It completes the
•lipped Into the side of tlie hall to ELECTRIC TRAIH WHICH
amputation by means of his teeth. A
listen. She sang as one translated,
HILL RUH 100 MILES AH HOUR dog on ts-lng stung on the muzzle by a
•he looked as one transformed. The or-
viper was observed to plunge Its bead
ch -stra engaged for tlie occasion was a
repeatedly for several days Into run­
magnificent one; tbe music swelled out
ning water This animal eventually re-
mightily In wonderful, soul-stirring
covered. A terrier hurt Its right eye.
’•ves. Marcia leaned her voice on Its
It remained under a counter, avoiding
beauty and grandeur and sang as one
light anti beat, although It habitually
•Ing» only once or twice In a life­
kept close to the fire. It adopted a gen­
time. Something, she knew not what,
eral treatment of re»t anti abati lienee
took possession of her that evening ami
from food. The Imai treatment con
glorified every note. The faithful old
»Istmi In Ib klng the upper surface of
•inglng teacher, who had prayed for
the |>aw. which it applied to tbe
her to fall madly In love and suffer
wounded eye. again licking the paw
•harply in order that the power might
I* brought out and fullest expression
A < urion» l<egi>< y.
made possible, would have wept with
A wealthy gentleman of Otleua left
l°y to bear her. Three times did the
g iMWi.issi ruble» to 1>I» four nl«*ce», with
enraptured audience Insist upon her re­
tlie provl»o that they must «••ch work
turning. Thrice did she repent her in
Railway travel at the rate or
io England io the not
fifteen mouths ■• doiiiestb « b«*fore ob­
l?lal triumph, with no shadow of fall- as the motive promise* to I* tl
D I Liren ool »re to
taining tlie Inheritance. They have al-
'ng off or failure. And Philip Derwent.
future It I* now almost rertsia
rea<ly a*-rved nl-e- month», ami during
h»t»nlng and watching, felt something
that time have received thousand» of
••ake within him which was different meot. I-*«’ y*«f
•’
marriage proposals.__________
from any feeling or experience he had exiatiag railway» betwe
Safetv bv tbe «ingle ra
Ptevionsly known.
Washington*» Navel.
>vrrrd
Tb» gavel which Washington u»*-«l
An orchestral numtier separated hi» ■ iid the tram is kept fr
The whole di»taB r
0 < • rs r<
when he laid the | oruerstone of the
•"ng from her nnmtier. and while it m nute« withou
national «-apltol la In the possesalon of
*»ted he looked at her dumbly, unable on th<- plan of
PotoBia«' leslge of Masons, f It la in a
*•/ a word of all that he iouged to • nJ will be Ofs-i
iii v**n( i> > q
perfect state uj pri setvation.
otter When. Jnat
tbe last strong built will revol
^»“-rd vibrated. b*- open***! Li* Up» to ex-
M Behr, a ho i»
Oh the laiwie ashore forgot her man.
But bi-« sweetheart, the »ea. proved
T
I
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
I ngllahman Won Favor ot A»bant»v
Chief will« HI« MoniH-'e.
There ba» Just arrived lu Imndon
from the Gold Coast Walter I.. Bennett,
a getitleuiau who had au esperienee
during the Ashautee rising which re-
• .ill* Rider Haggard's story of "King
Solomon'» Mines" and tbe uiaglc eye­
glass of Captalu Good.
Mr. Benuett la a land surveyor by
profession ami was at Bibiauibs. a
place on the bouudary between Sefwl
and Ashautee. two and a half days to
the west of Coomassle. Tbe only white
mail near him was a young tuiuiug
prospector at Akrwkerri, a mlniug
camp.
These two Euglishmen, far apart and
yet feeling themselves to tie neighbors,
learmst of the Asiiautee rising by the
wholesale desertion of tlielr black men.
The milling prmqiector went to Ebea-
hln for protection. It was promised to
hlui by the chief of the village, who
gave him a beautiful meal of chicken.
When dluner was over the villagers
rushed iu and battered the Englishman
Into unconsciousness. Then they cut
off Ills head. Mr. Bennett heard this
terrible story as he wsa atsmt to move.
He was |siw erics« for reprisals and ex-
l>eetant of a similar fate. Ou the ad­
vice of au educated uatlve be
tlie head village of the chief >f the
Dunkoto and made a dash
>r the
chief's hut. He was well rece ed and
fed and promised protection, But so
was the other Englishman at Eliealiln.
While tbe situation was still critical
Mr. Bennett, who 1» Inseparable from
his eyeglass even on the Gold Coast,
put It In Ills eye to think matters over.
The "glass eye" highly amused a shiny
little black boy, one of the chief's sous.
He roans! with laughter. Mr. Bennett
grinned at him and let the monocle
drop. The effect was great. The Duu-
kotoa made a circle round tlie English
man. greatly mystified by Hnd delight­
ed with his extra eye. "I had to do
monkey tricks with that eyeglass."
says Mr. Bennett, rather shamefully,
"and I coniplef'etl the conquest by
managing to screw It In the eye of one
of the chief's wives, who strutted
round proud of her distinction.”
Mr. Bennett was saved by his eye-
glass, It became a sort of fetich. The
chief entertained him aa an honored
guest and hel|ted in the search for the
aasaaaiiiated prospin-for. Mr. Bennett
was given an escort, and, after many
days of privation, arrived safety nt the
coast, where lie gave Information to
the ottl ials which led to a punitive ex­
pedition to Ehealiiti l.ouilon Mall.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO-
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelcta that Are Supposed
Bo Have Been Recently Horn
Saying«
and l>oing«that Ar» old, V ur.cni* and
Laughable
The Week'» Humor,
Cape Col Life-Saver Who
lllmarlf n Hero.
Brook y h Lover»* War*.
She So this le the end of our eu-
gagement?
He—It may be for you, but It will
take me a year yet to pay the billa.—
Brooklyn Life.
Self Bi y.
Ait
"I see Jack Ketcham has been mar­
ried to Miss Gohllrox."
"Yes, and I win very »orry to see It."
"Sorry? For her sake or bls?"
"For mine. 1 wanted her."—Phila­
delphia Press.
ImportHiit One.
"Thompson has made a discovery.”
I n ( htcago.
"ludeed?”
Doctor Oil! I'll pull you through!
"Yes. He says that he has discovered
Patient That's right, doctor! 1 want
that the more buttons there are on a to be included lu tbe next ceuaua. —
woman’s coat the greater the prolmbil Puck.
Ity that It really fastens with hooks
A ( Ivar Interpretation.
and eyes.” Puck.
Pastor—I am palued to see,
brother, that you will sleep tu church
on Sunday.
Parishioner Of course. Why
Isn't Sunday a day of rest?
Tlie New Baby.
Happy Father We've got a
baby up at our house.
Friend So? Wliat do you call
II. I’. We don't call him; he
all the calling himself.
llow t* Get Thriu to »lois
Suburban Floral Festivals.
"Yesterday was sweat-pea day out at
our house."
"Lt bloom already?’’
"No, my wife stood over me while 1
weeded them.”
A Blow to Kspretstion.
Mrs. Dobbs You toid me Mrs. Hobbs
was highly Intellectual.
Mr. Dobbs Didn’t you find her so?
Mrs. Doblis When I called we talked
n solid half hour ala>ut clothes.
Where W a. lie Al?
There are some people 1 like
anti some I don't like.
lie What alsiut me?
She Oh, present company is always
excepted.
Passenger (having caught the
a demi rum Suppose 1 lutti
my footing and had a leg cut
run
for
Information from llea<lquarter«.
Cleverton laiok here, have you lieen
ninklng love to Miss Summit?
Dasha way Yes, sir, 1 have.
"Well, do you know that I have lieen
making love to that girl?”
"So she said.”
Color« Kun Mel.
WIPING OUT A SLUR
A
XVorth Mor».
"A penny tor your thoughts, Rig­
gle."
"Worth more, weally; make it a
fwank.”
"A franc? Nonsense! Why?”
"Wui thinking in Fwench, ye know,
of you, don't ye know.”- Harlem Life.
Proved
Circumstances singularly pathetic i
surround th«- loss which befell the crew
lived within
of file Peaked Hill life saving station, '
near Provincetown <' h ( h >C o <I. Kiwper
Atkins of tills station was tine of tbe '
true and trusted veterans of the ser­
Unit young
vice. But one stormy day In winter, 1
after twelve hours’ exposure on the ,
He doesn't
lieuch, exhausted by futile effort« to
launch the »urf-boat, he and Ills crew
lunl the mortification of seeing the res­
Cumr Back Virwie«*.
cue they had attempted made by n crew
Mrs. Gusbington I suppose. now that
of voluuteers
It mattered not that yon have been abroad, you have your
these had untie no previous exertions, own views of foreign life.
that they had come flesh and uuwear-
Mrs. Newrlch No, we ain't got no
led u | miii the scene; Keeper Atkins and views. We didn't take no camera
lit a crew had to take from the commun­ along. It's so awful common. Phila­
ity » hat. In the staid, old fasliloued delphia Iteeord.
speech of the Cape, Is known as the
I ticrensl ug the Chances.
“goading slur.” The keejier made no I
attempt to answer Ills critics; but grad- | Once It encouraged a boy to be told
unity, ns that season ami the following that lie might become President of the
summer »'ore away, a settled hsik of lulled Staten Home day. Now It Is
determination lieesine stsinpeil oil Ills necessary to change the promised prize
face, and his bearing t<sik oil a dignity to Presidency of u trust. New York
almost tragic. When, nt tbe <q>eulng World.
of the next season, his wife, as he left
I Baiateti.
his home for the station, beggtsl him
"1 understand Hint Frailman Ims
not to expose himself to needless dan- come to the conclusion to contest his
ger, lu* replied:
Wife's Will.”
"Before this season Is over 1 will
"Well, what Is there courageous about
have wiped out the 'goading slur.' ’’
that; she's dead, isn’t she?” -Richmond
Reaching the station, he call«*d hl* Dispatch.
crew alsiut hint, and Informed them
A Long Htory.
that, no matter at what peril, a rescue
Ned If you »ant to marry an heir­
would I h * atb-nipb'd at every wreck
ess, why. why don't you promise to
within the limits of the station.
That winter a storm of almost mi pre* Miss Elderly? She’s rich.
Ted Yea; hut 1 object to her past.
i-isleuUd fury burst over th«* coast, and
Ned Why, 1 thought that »he was
a vetuM'l was swept upon the Peaked
Hill bars, A surf Isiat, launched by alsive reproach.
Ted It la; but there’s ao much of It.
siM'iiiliigly suiH-rhunian |s>»er, put out
from itbore. But neither di-Mperatlon, —To» n and Country.
nor evt-ii madness, could ke«-p a Isiat
Trrlnu to I ecelve Her.
afloat 111 «in'll a sea; and when, one
"No,” aaid tlie landlady, "we cannot
after another, those who had braved It aeeoniUKHlate you. We only take iu
were <-a»t U|sm the lieacli, tlir«»e were single gentlemen."
dead. < )m* of these was Kto per At­
"Goodness," re|i|led Mr. Mnrryat,
kina lie had wiped out the "goading "»tint makes you think I’m twin»?”—
slur.”
Philadelphia Rei-ord.
Of such stuff are tlie heroes of the
life saving service. Century.
or Two Evil. Ilie l.esaer.
Papa Didn't I tell you, Willie, If I
To Cure Insomnia.
cnuglit you playing with Tommy Jink
A pliyslclail quoted by the Bostou
again I would whip you?
Transcript says that acute Insomnia
Willie Yea, air.
may Is- promptly cured by the practice
Papa Then why were you playing
of deep breathing. Draw Into the lungs with him?
as much air as iHmsllile. ami do not ex­
Willie Well. 1 got loucHoiner than 1
hale It until obliged to, and then as
thought a lickin' would hurt, so I Just
slowly ns isisslble. It la somewluit of
went over and played with him, that’s
a task when the night Is oppressively
why.
warm, but If iH-rslsbal In Is fairly sure
Easy for Her.
to relieve that byis-raemla of the brain,
Mrs. .Muggins .Mrs. BJom-s la very
which everyday folk call wakefulness.
The tricks of tlie sleepless to Induce regular In lier attendance at the moth­
sh*vp are many, but none Is found to be ers' meetings Rhe never misses one.
Mrs Buggins Why should she? Mbs
more Immediately efficacious than thia
plan of forcing the lungs to take the hasn't any children to keep her home.—
Philadelphia Record.
burden off the brain and nerve*.
A Gigantic Map.
The largest map In the world Is the
British ordnance survey map. contain
Ing over lus.issi slieeta and costing JI.-
insi . issi ■ year for twenty years. The
scale varies from ten feet to one truth
of an Inch to the mile. The detail* are
an minute that iii » im having a scale of
'Jo Inches "show every hedge, fence,
wall, building ami even every Isolate«!
tree In tlie country. The plans show
m>t only tlie exact shape of every build­
ing, but every |s>r« h. ar«*a. d<s>r step,
lamp post, railway ami fireplug."
Th - Pup of Porto Hico,
One result of the war may be the la
troductlon of a new domestic pet In the
shape of the I’orlo It Ico flog. It la not
Spanish at all. but alxirlglnal. being tbe
dencf misfit of the p«-t «log of the atiorl-
glnee of the Greater Antilles, and It la
c|<,nely related to the long haired Ak*o
of Mexico. It Is a little creature with
white silky hair, and a tan patch on
one ear, a particularly affectionate anl
"Have you seen Jack Lillington's new
golf suit?”
"No; It is gay, 1 Imagine.”
"Guy? He looks like a demented
Easter egg.”—Life.
In Earneat.
He (delightfully) Have you really
and truly never lieen engaged liefore?
She Never that Is, not lu the wlu
ter. New York Weekly.
Gardening Espose I.
Mr. Cltlly I should think you would
raise mushrooms; they are very ex­
pensive.
Mr. Isolate (of I,ouleyvllle, mournful­
ly) Everything Is expensive by
time 1 have rained It!” Puck.
A Cru «ili if kJ De-Feet.
- Cincinnati Enquirer.
Ominous
First Bookkee|>er Dobson has been
chuckling tt> himself over bin work all
flay. He must see something very
amusing In the figures he's working
with.
Second Bookkeeper That so? Well,
let's watch out and get away the
minute closing up time comes. Illa 3-
yenr old Isiy has lieen saying some­
thing cute again.
Twine.
"Quite nn Interesting thing happened
at Nupop's house last night.”
"There were two Interesting things.”
“I only heard of one; the arrival of a
son mid heir. What was the other?”
"The arrival of another son and
heir." Philadelphia Press.
The l>oa'« Immune.
Hnobblns I should think you'd lie
afraid of having that big flog around
you all the time. If I had him I should
tie afraid all the time he would go mad.
Nnubblns But he dfiesn't have t*> live
with you, you kuow. Boston Tran­
script
Irregular.
He When I tell you that I have
enough to support you In tbe style In
which you have been accustomed to
live, you must take my simple word
for It.
She But. George, Is that strictly
business?
A Call liown for Mr. M.
Dromedaries Nmoke Tobacco.
Mr. Meat 1 .liould certa nly have
some say as tu whom my daughter
weds
M rs Me.k Not at all. Let her alone,
and alie'll marry Mime old fool Just
like her mother did Baltimore World.
Dromedaries are said to lie partlcu
larly fond of tobacco smoke, and can
lie made to do almost anything while
under Its Influence. Travelers. It Is as­
serted. rely more on their tobacco
smoke for their control over these huge
least« than anything else. When trav
rling on long Journeys the dromedaries
are In many cases required to travel
night and day without rest, and they
are kept tip to their task by smoking
cigars. Tbe driver carries a triangular
piece of wood, which is pierced St one
point like a elgarhohler. This Is In­
serted In the mouth of tlie animal, the
cigar being lit ami pressed Into the
hole, The dromedary closes Its eyrs
ami puffs away through Its nostrils
until the cigar la burned away. The
Indulgence ap|«eare to refresh IL and
the kee|ier has no difficulty In persuad­
ing tlie animal to plod tin without
further rest.- Pittsburg Dispatch.
A LBterarv Oriel»
"Your friend says be lias no trouble
whatever In understanding every para-
graph of that i oluiiilnuus »fate ducu­
nieiit.”
"Yea. I don't know whether to re
gard him with great respect or great
suspicion." Washington Star
Overheard at leonnt.
Tom Does your father know that I
play golf?
Alli* You don't »up|WMie I've told
blui your fallings, do you? Judge.
The Society Mons‘rarity.
"Those folks in the next flat are aw­
fully pretentious.”
Age of Marriage.
"Are they?”
mat.
The average age at which men marry
"Yes. Hhe semis her visiting card
Charity'« argument is sborL but II over two middle names on It when Is 27.7 years, while the average age at
which women marry Is 25^ years.
she wants to borrow butter.’’- Puck.
has a long reach.