ÍWO LIFELONG LOVERS.
Highest of all in Leavening Power.— Latest U. S. Gov’t Report
Powder
A B SO LU TELY
PURE
B a ro n e s« R o th s c h ild .
The Barouess Rothschild paid a pret
ty if somewhat exaggerated compli
ment to a prinia donna the other day.
She invited the young lady to dine with
her and after dinner asked her to try
the ton-j of her piano. Not a sonnd
came from the keys when touched. “ I
WHAT HE WANTED.
had the instrument unstrnng this morn
N o S h o r t E x p r e s s io n « o f L o r e W o u l d I>o ing, mademoiselle,” said the baroness,
“ that yon might see that the only pleas
P o r ti l « G ir l.
"Yon keep rings here, don't you?” he ure l promised myself from your pres
asked in a Woodward avenue jewelry , ence this evening waa the pleasure of
your society. ” —London Tit-Bits.
■tore.
“ Certainly,” replied the clerk.
L a w f u l.
“ Something for yourself?”
CrimsoDbeak
—
Is pitching pennies
“ No. I'm thinkin of gittin somethin
fur my girl. Got anything fur about considered gambling?
Yeast—Yes, I believe it is.
$ 8 ?”
“ Well, I see a New York dry goods
“ Yes, I can give you a plain ring at
that price. Here is something very store has two cologne fountains as at
tractions. ”
n eat ”
“ Certainly. ”
“ I guess that would fit her all right.
“ Well, why do they allow them to
Kin I have somethir. < ngravedon to it?”
throw up a scent?"—Yonkers States
“ Of course. What is it?”
“ Waal, I want you to put on i t : ‘From man.
Thomas J. to Helen H ., who is not only
N o t t o B « T r u s te .! ,
the best lookin but the smartest girl in
the state of Michigan. My love will
never, never grow oold, and should
death overtake me my last thought
would be of you. Be good, and you’ll
be happy, and please a.vept this as a
token of love. ’ That’s what I want yon
to put on. ”
“ Good gracious, but you can’t get all
that on a ring!" exclaimed the clerk.
“ Must have it on or I don’t want a
ring!” was the firm reply.
"B ut the usual way is simply to en
grave ‘T. to H. ’ with the date after it. ”
“ The usual way may be all right
with some girls, but it won't work with
“ No, she can’t keep a secret. The
mine. Wnat she wants is sentiment— othei day I confided to her that I was
heaps of sentiment So you can’t get it going to marry her uncle, and the silly
on?”
thing went and told him. ” —Life.
“ Couldn’t possibly do i t You’d want
I t H a s a D -.a w b a c k .
a surface as large as your hand to get
that on.”
“ George,” she said—and the way she
“ Say!’ exclaimed the young man aft wrinkled h-r pretty brow showed that
er a moment of reflection. “ I have it! she was troubled—“ do you know any
I'll buy her a silver belt knuckle in thing about motocyclee?”
stead of a ring, and I ’ll have ’em put
“ Very little, dearest,” he replied as
on all I said and add to it: ‘Yon are he drew her closer to him.
never absert from my thoughts, and a
For a few minutes she remained
vision of jo u r dear face rises up before bnried in thonght, and then she looked
me a thous tnd times a day. Be true— np at him again and said:
be true! Virtue is its own reward, and
“ Yon don’t know, then, whether the
your mother kin live with us after we motocycle principle is applicable to
are married. No more at present— sleighs, do you?”
goodfcy!’ ” —Detroit Free Press.
“ No-o,” he answered slowly, " I
don't, bnt I don’t think it is.”
H e P r e p a r e d H im s e lf I n A d v a n c e .
"Then there would be no moonlight
Colonel A. T. Vogelsang, the attor sleigh rides with the motocycle,” she
ney. is regarded as one of the best ra suggested, half inquiringly; “ no nar
conteurs of the legal profession. In the row little cutter with a high back and
Palace grillroom yesterday he let out a a high dashboard and a great big buffa
string of excellent bar anecdotes. He lo robe that almost hides you from sight
said a ’»v weeks ago that Dennis Spen and makes everything seem so nice and
cer, the Napa luminary, was called up cozy; no gliding over the white snow
on by a Chinaman one evening, when so smoothly that you hardly feel the
the following dialogue ensued:
motion and decide that yon would like
" ‘One Chinaman kill another China to go through life in just that way,
man with a hatchet; how much you with just that one person beside yon?”
charge make him clear?'
“ I ’m afraid not,’’lie said regretfully.
“ ‘I 'll take the rase.' said Mr. Spen
“ No big sleighing parties,” she went
cer, ‘for $ 1 , 000 .'
on; “ none of the lovemaking that is so
“ ‘Allee rig h t,’ said the Chinaman, particularly identified with the sleigh?”
‘I be back after while.’
"N o .”
“ In a'oout a week he returned to Mr.
She was silent again for a few min
Spencer’s office and laid down (1,000 utes. Then she looked trustingly into
in gold coin on his table. Mr. Spencer his eyes as she said:
sw ept the money into the drawi r.
" I don't think much of motocycles
“ ‘Well, the Chinaman, he dead. ’
after all, do yon?”
“ ‘Who killed him?’
“ Not for winter nse, ” he replied.—
“ ‘I did.’
Chicago Post.
" ‘When did you kill him?’
E x p l a i n i n g H im s e lf .
" ‘Last night.’ ”
There was some curiosity on the part
Judge Henry Howland tells the story
of the audience for further light on the of the embarrassed bnt generous hearted
disposition of the (1,000, but Mr. Vo young man who felt called upon to re
gelsang immediately spun off on to an lieve the sndden cessation of drawing
other story.—San Francisco Call.
room conversation, which oftentimes
overtakes even the most brilliant social
H ow H e M ode I t P ay.
circles. With the* blushes surmounting
“ Ain’t a dollar pretty high for a his cheeks he timidly turned to the
meal like that?” asked the tourist.
daughter of the hostess, who was not
" I don’t mind ownin up that it is,” present in the room, and inquired:
said the landlord of the Cowboys’ Rest,
“ Ho-bow is yo-your mo mo-mother?
“ but them meals cost me 76 cents N-not th-that I gi-give a d —n, bu-bnt it
apiece. ’ ’
ma-makes ta-talk. ” —New HaveD Reg
“ But I happen to know that you sell ister.
a ten meal ticket for (5. ”
A F o re c a s t o f th e F u tu re .
‘ * Yaas, I know 1 dc, but about half the
“ Ah 1” cried Joan of Arc.
fellers that buys them tickets gits kill
The Maid of Orleans drew herself np
ed before they have eat two meals. ” —
prondly.
Indianapolis Journal.
“ I will live in hiHtory as the first fe
male to wear a coat of male, and” —a
T a le « o f T r a v e le r « .
First Traveler—While in Africa I gleam of triumph shone in her eye—
faced two lions, a tiger and three ele “ the nether garments to match !”
In her exultation she caused her barb
phants in the same jungle—and I'm
ed steed to prance till the rivets rattled
alive .vet.
Second Traveler—Huh ! T hat’s noth in her cast iron bloomers.—Pick Me Up.
ing. While in Texas I bowed to a girl
P a in f u l S u rp ris e .
that three Mexicans were in love with.
Mrs.
Goodkiud
— I presume. Miss
—New York Weekly.
Flyppe, that in the course of your long
sojourn in France you learned to speak
C a ttin g
Mr. Sauer (to his wife)—How horrid the language like a native.
Miss Flyppe—To speak it? Why, I
of you to be always looking as sour as
a crab apple! Just look at Mrs. X----- even became accustomed to doing my
over yonder, the very picture of cheer thinking in French.
Mrs. Goodkind—How very shocking I
fulness.
Mrs. Sauer—You seem to forget, my —Chicago Tribune.
dear, that Mrs. X----- is a widow.—
f lo w A b o u t H e r E a r s ?
Nene Welt.
Mary and John sitting on the sofa.
Mary—Cease your flatteries, or I will
V e ry S e rio m M a tte r.
“ Your friend seems to be in trouble.” put my hands to my ears.
John (wishing to be complimentary)
“ He is.”
—Ah, your lovely bands are too small.
“ Wbat’s the matter?”
"H e came in tocollectflO (hat I owe —London Tit-Bits.
him .” —Chicago Record.
N o t h i n g t o B e A s h a m e d O f.
Gotham
Girl—How do yon New Eng
T h o s e F o r e i g n C h a p s G e t T h e r e E v e r y T im e .
landers get over the fact that your an
cestors believed in witches?
Boston Girl—We call it hypnotism.—
New York Weekly.
Puguacious and Jealous Party (in
road)—There sits that imported poodle
th a t’s breaking the hearts of all the she
degs in the neighborhood. He even
weaned my pet setter's affection rrom
me. How I ’d like to have him out here
in the road for just five minutest
(Walks slowly away, growling, and
waits at the corner. )—Truth.
H a D i d n 't G o T h e r a .
Fond Mother—Dear me, w hat’s the
matter now?
Married Daughter—Boo-lioo—my hus
band has deceived me.
Fond Mother—The brute 1 How do
you know?
Married Daughter—He—boo-hoo—he
said he was—wss going to the ohnrch
fair last night, and—and he didn't. He
went somewhere else.
Mother—Who told you he went some
where else?
Daughter—Nc one. This morning I
found some some money in his pockets
—boo-hoo-boo!—New York Weekly.
A B c n te o c o O v e r h e a r d I n t h e N t r e t A ss
■ s e n t l i . <11(1 C o n u n d r u m .
Tired by a long day's work and feel
ing a bit “ bine" over some matters
which bad gone counter to my hopes, I
was walking down Broadway one night
last week, on my way home. It was
after 10 o’clock and the down town
streets were almost deserted.
As I turned through Sixteenth street
I noticed an old lady and an older gen
tleman walking slowly, arm in arm,
evidently husband and wife. He was
apparently abont 70, r.'ie perhaps five
years younger.
They seemed very fond of each other.
There was just the least little inclina
tion of the head of each toward the oth
er, and they were strolling along so
slowly as to suggest the thonght that
their pace was regulated not somnch by
the infirmities of age as by the desire
and pleasure of being alone together.
They were talking earnestly.
It had rained earlier in the evening
and the sidewalks were still wet, so
that I had put on my rubbers before
leaving the office. Consequently my ap
proach was noiseless. Just as I overtook
and passed the old people the man turn
ed to his wife aud said, as if in answer
to some remark she had made, “ Bnt,
my dear, I like to think God sent 70 a to
me. ”
From a lover to his sweetheart or
from a young hnsband to a young wife
the words might have sounded semi
mental, and would certainly hnve seem
ed commonplace, bnt from a hnsband of
three score and ten to a wife of 65 they
bad a weight and dignity which made
them sweet to bear and wholesome to
recall.
Here was the whole s'ory of two lives
told in a sentence. Heiewas the answer
to the old question about marriage. For
them it was surely a divine success.
Here at ler-st was proof that tho writers
of fairy tales and of old time novels
spoke truly wlieu they said that “ they
were married and lived happy ever aft
er. ” —New York Herald.
KOREAN CURIOSITIES.
A ll t h e
T o o l« M a d e b y B a u d a m i N a tiv e
I r o n U se d .
Frank G. Carpenter, writing about
the peculiarities of Korea, says among
other things:
“ One of our ponies had to be shod,
and another time we pnt shoes on the
bull which carried the baggage. The
pony was first thrown to the gronud, and
his four legs were tied together so that
he couldn’t possibly kick.
“ Then the blacksmith pounded hoop
iron shoes on his feet with a rnde iron
hammer. It was the same with the bull,
thongb one man had to sit on his head
while he was being shod. The iron
seemed to be very good, aud it comes
from the mines in the northern part of
the country. The tools of the country
are made of it, and the farming tools
are very ingenious, the throe and four
pronged hoes being qnite as good as
anything we have in America. They
were making tools in this blacksmith’s
■bop, and all the tools and plows are
made by band.
“ The blacksmith had a rnde bellows,
which was worked by a boy who stood
on a seesaw aud by moving np and
down pumped the fire into a blaze. In
other places I saw bellows which boys
worked by palling a stick in and out
like that cf a rqnirtgnu, and everything
is rnde in the extreme.
“ Sometimes horses are shod by being
strapped np to poles, so that only two
of their feet can rest on tne ground,
and the band which goes around the
belly holds the horse np while he is
shod. ” —Roxbnry Gazette.
R u n n i n g t h e G a n tl o p e .
The following extracts give further
Information concerning this punish
ment :
“ In running the gantlope, the regi
ment was formed six deep, and the ranks
opened and face« inward. Each man be
ing furnished with a switch, the offend
er, naked to the waist, was led through
the ranks, preceded by a sergeant, the
point of whose reversed halbert was pre
sented to his breast to prevent his run
ning too fast. As he thus passed through
the ranks every soldier gave him a
stroke. ” —Grose's “ Military Antiqui
ties,” Volume 2, Page 108.
Bnt the oldest notice I have seen is
given in "Monro: His Expedition with
the Worthy Scots Regiment (called
Mackey esKegiineut), levied in August,
1626, etc. London: Priuted by William
Jones in Red Crosse-Streete, 1687:”
“ Other slight punishments we eu-
jovne for slight faults, put iu execution
by their camarades; as the loupegarthe
(rrnniug the gantlet; Swedish gantn-
lopp, to run through a hedge made by
soldiers), when a sonldier is stripped
naked above the waste, and is made
to runne a furlong betwixt 200 soul-
diers, ranged alike opposite to others,
leaving a space iu the midst for the
sonldier to rnune through, where his
camarades whip him with small rods
ordained aud cut for the purpose by the
Gavilliger (provost marshal), and all
to keepe good order and discipline. ” —
Notes and Queries.
T h e C oal M an.
“ The train was late,” tho traveler
said, “ and when it got to the place
where we were to get supper everybody
was tremendously hungry, and every
body, or almost everybody, made a wild
rush for the restaurant. A cool man was
one of a few who did not hurry, and
who, when they got into the restaurant,
found that every seat was taken. Here
was a situation to test a man's nerve.
Only 20 minutes for the meal, and with
the train late, (hat time sure nut to be
prolonged, and it was the last meal of
the day. There would be no more eating
■tops until morning. ¡Some men would
have fret ted r.ud fume:’ and made ihern-
selves unhappy over this, aud that is
jnst what one or two of the others with
out seats did, bnt the cool man remain
ed fr.icctly calm and nndisturbrd. In
fact, he seemed rather to enjoy looking
on at the scene of activity. Bnt calm as
he was, he was none the less alert. With
unerring acuteness, though iu a casual
sort of manner, he stationed himself
near the quickest eater, aud when that
gentleman had pitchforked himself full,
which he did iu abont ten uiinntes, the
cool man took his seat, the first one va
cated. There was still ten minutes, aud
bow lie profited by it could be told by
the added touch of serenity observable
upon his countenance when he lighted
his cigar in (lie smok’tig room of the
Bleeper. ”—New York San.
A D iv id e d J u r y .
A man was on trial in Lake connty
recently on a charge of grand larceny.
He was accused of stealing a hog. An
old randier, whose interest in tlie case
was due to the fact that lie owned a big
drove of hogs, listened attentively to
the impaneling of the jury and then left
the courtroom with an undisguised dis
gust.
“ What’s the matter, Sam?” inquired
an attorney,
“ That ju ry ’s goin to disagree,” be
declared emphatically.
“ What makes you think so?”
“ Think? I don’t think nothin about
it. I know it. ”
“ Well, then, bow do you know it?’’
“ Why, they've got six hog men that
raise hogs and four men that I knows
has stole hogs on that jury, and nobody
A L a k e o f B o il in g L a r a .
Manna Loa, the gigantic Hawaiian ever know’d a bog raiser an a hog thief
volcano, has two critters cr openings, as would agree on a hog case.” —San
one of which, Kilanea, is the largest Francisco Post.
active volcanic crater in the world. The
I t W a s a G o o d O ld P a r a s o l.
mountain is 14,100 feet high, and K i
A draper's assistant was showing a
lanea is situated on the eastern side, lady some parasols. The assistant had a
about 4,000 feet above the level of the good command of language aud knew
sea. This marvelous crater is really a how to expatiate on the good qualities
vast lake of boiling lava which rises a::d and show the best points of goods. As
falls continually by the action of sub he picked np a parasol from the lot on
terranean fires. In toesing to and fio the counter and opened it he struck an
like a troubled sea of molten mc’al the attitude of admiration, and holding it
lava is dashed against the cliffs and np to the best light that could bo had
hardens there in the form of long, glassy said:
filaments, gigantic knobs, miniature
“ Now. there, isn’t it lovely? Lo k at
trees, aud in imitation of grass, leaves, that silk. Particularly observe the qual
etc.
ity, the finish, the general effect. Feel
Another form of glassy filament t ) it. Pass yonr hand over it. No nonsense
be fonnd along the shores of this fiery abont that parasol, is there?" he said as
lake is in the shape of queer bunches he handed itovor to the lady. “ Ain’t it
and tufts of lava made up of an aggre a beauty?”
gation of vitreous threads which the na
“ Yes,” said the lady. "T h at’s my
tives call “ Pele’s hair,” Pele being the old one. I jnst laid it down here. ” —
goddess to whom the mountain is dedi Liverpool Mercury.
cated. These glassy threads appear to
be caused by the passage of steam
A T r a m p C r ie s .
through the molten lava. In so doing
It was simply an everyday incident of
small particles in the shape of bnbble- city life, bnt it attracted tbe attention
like balloons are thrown into the air, of one passerby.
leaving a tail behind like 1 comet.
The merry pupils of one of the dis
When the scene of these miuiatnre steam trict schools were romping in the play
eruptions is near a rock or the shore all ground, nothing distracting their atten
solid and cool surfaces are found cover tion from the sport, bnt from without a
ed with bunches of “ Pele’s hair. ” This man, a tramp, with ragged coat and un
“ hair” was formerly nsed in mystic kempt appearance, was peering through
native ceremonies, and of late years the iron palings.
has been gathered in large quantities
Nothing was said, but when tbe chil
by curiosity seekers. —St. Louis Repub dren were called back to work, he turn
lic.
ed away, brushing a tear from his sod
den face with his ragged sleeve. An or
H o w to R o a s t th e S u c c u le n t O y ste r.
Select large oysters ai d have them dinary incident, bnt one with pages cf
scrubbed thoroughly, then dace them in history behind it.—Cincinnati Commer
the oven in a large tin with the ronnd cial Gazette.
side of the shells down, so that when
F o r W o m e n W h o D r iv e .
they open the liqnor will not be lost
“ Yon can drive me to the water,”
As soon as they do open remove the up said the horse bitterly to the woman in
per shell, sprinkle them with salt, pep the bnggy, “ but you can’t make me
per and chopped parsley, add a little drink—unless yon let down my check
butter and serve hot as possible on a bed rein.” —Chicago Tribune.
or water cress. Oysters served in this
way make an excellent first eonree nt
There never was any party, faction,
dinner if accompanied by thin slices of sect or cabal whatsoever in which the
brown bread and butter.—Ladies' Home most ignorant were not the most violent,
Journal.
<
for a liee is not a bnsier animal ¡ban a
blockhead. —Pope.
E x p l a in e d .
“ Pa, what is a trip hammer?”
In Kentucky poker games the strength
“ It's the hammer, my son, that yonr
T h e C ause.
lies in the draw—of both gnns at the
ma
leaves
o<
the
carpet
when
she
hangs
First Debutante—My cheeks are all
earliest possible moment.— Pittsbmp
up a picture. ” —Detroit Free Press.
on fire.
Pispatch.
Second Debutante—I thonght there
G la z in g T e n s .
was a smell of burning paint.—Town
On© W a y o f O b t a i n i n g P a y m e n t.
The glazing of pens, in some varieties
and Country Journal.
“ I ’ll see abont it,” he said, as he
considered an important operation, is
done with la? dissolved in naphtha.— handed the bill to the collector.
T h e S tir r e d a n d S y m b o lic P a l i n .
“ I t ’s only £5 and ’—
Los Angeles Express.
From the very earliest times the palm
“ I ’ll see abont it, 1 told yon. ’’
tree has been recognized as a symbol of
C a t h e r i n e * c f F o w l« D e n ig n a te d .
“ And we need money. It would be a
victory. Among the Greeks and the
The following is somewhat technical, great favor.”
Romans palm branches were used to but may be of interest to others besides
"D id n ’t I say I would call?”
decorate the buildings and streets of sportsmen. “ Double Barrel” writes:
“ Yes, bnt when?”
their cities in honor of the relnru of a “ I 11 yonr usnally accurate columns I no
“ Look here,” said the debtor, ns he
victorious army. This custom appears tice that you fall into the common mis rose np. “ Do you mean to insult me?”
i to have been taken from the eastern take of speaking of a ‘covey’ of pheas
“ No, sir. I mean to go down to the
nations, bnt from what one in particn- ants. I know that mauy other people do newspaper offices aud get them to put
lar no one now knows.
the same thing. The term is wrong as in a notice that yon will soon depart for
At a very early age the Hebrews were applied to snch game. It may be inter India. Good day, sir.”
accustomed to t arrv palm branches on all esting to yonr readers to know what are
“ Here, come back. Here's yonr mon
occasions of rejoicings. This custom the proper names to apply to assem ey. Do yon snppose I want 500 collec
having been observed on the entry of blages of birds, aud I therefore send yon tors making a rush on my office? Please
Christ into Jerusalem, the tree has come a short list of them : A covey of par receipt the bill. Sony I kept yonr folks
to bear a special symbolism among tridges ; a nye, liide, or nest of pheasants; waiting for i t . ” —London Globe.
Christians. The primitive church nsed a herd of swans ; an exalting of larks ; a
The strangers who go np the railway
it to express the triumphs of the Chris watching of nightingales; a team of
tian over death through the resurrec docks; a muster of peacocks; a bevy of to Vesuvius, in spite of the long journey
tion. As early as the second century qnails; a flight of doves; a flock or gag (eight hours there and back) and ti e
A. D. it became the custom to carve gle of geese; a spring of teals; a fall of high price (£1 ), number about 10,000
palm branches on the tomostones of woodcocks; a pack of gronse; a sedge of yearly
those who had died for the faith, and herons; a shoal of rooks; a trip of
Life is to 1 « fortified by many friend
about the same time all pictures of mar widgeon; a wisp or walk of snipe. sh’ps. To love aud to be loved is th<
tyrs were figures holding representations There are many others, bnt these are the greatest happiness of existence.—Syd
of palm branches in their hands.—St. principal.
ney Smith.
Exchange.
Louis Re *■«-
PESSIMISTIC LABOUCHERE.
HIT ON THE BATTLEFIELD.
NO
G e n e r a l M ile « T e l l , o f t h e S e n s a t i o n . P r o -
d u ced by G u n sh o t W ound«.
Ha
“ Yon have been wounded several
times, general. How does it feel to be
shot?”
“ That depends npou where the ball
strikes you,’’replied General Miles. “ If
it passes through the fleshy part of the
body without hitting the bone, it is a
half mile away beforo you realize that
you are shot. If it meets with resist
ance, however, yon get the fnll force of
the bullet, and it strikes you like a
sledge hammer. I was shot in the neak.
The ball cut along the side of mv
throat, under my ear and passed on. At
Chancellorsville a ball struck my waist
belt plate, and then, deflecting, went in
to the body. The blow paralyzed me. I
could not move i'or weeks from my
waist downward, and every one thonght
I would die. I Was taken home to Mas
sachusetts, and after a few days I sur
prised the doctors by moving my right
foot. They took this for a sign that the
ball was in the opposite side of the body
aud probed for it, laying the bone of my
hip bare. They fonnd the bone broken
and took out nine pieces, leaving one,
which they failed to find. They fonnd
the bullet several inches farther down
than these pieces of broken bone.
“ At another time I was wounded in
the shoulder by the half of a bullet. I
was holding my sword np to my shoul
der when the bullet struck the edge of
tho blade and was ent in two, one half
of the bullet flying on and the other go
ing into my shoulder. At another time
I was wounded in the foot, the ball
striking a Mexican spur tbat I was
wearing and going off into my foot.
By the way, I think I have the spur. ”
Here the general opened a draw er iu his
desk and pulled out a big Mexican spur,
which was broken on one side. The
break was caused by the bnllet striking
the spur.—Bloomington (Ills.) Panto
graph.
_______________
It has been observed from time i n
memorial that a enrious perversity of
climate—so we have been accustomed
to consider it—generally provides one
sort of weather tg match a precisely op
posite sort of clothing. Thus a walking
stick will generally attract rain and an
umbrella will produce sunshine.
Indeed the principle of perversity
governs every department of life.
Should sunshiue be necessary it w ill be
wet. Documents of no importance are
never mislaid. We invariably meet the
people whom we are anxions to avoid
and miss those we especially wish to
meet. A woman generally loses her
heart to the wrong man ; a man gener
ally marries the wrong woman. Every
ene will he able to add to these exam
ples almost indefinitely from personal
experience.
There are no accidents whatever in
life. Modern science has established
that every incident is governed by an in
variable law. Careful observation and
the study of statistics prove beyond the
possibility of doubt that clothes do very
materially influence weather, a discov
ery which should lie invaluable not only
to the farmer, bnt to every member of
the community.
Recent science, moreover, has erro
neously adopted the theory of the surviv
al of the fittest. The primal law which
governs every qjrcnmstance of life is
the survival of the unfittest. For in
stance, if a man is to inherit a fortune
from a relative, the latter will survive
to extreme old age. Iu literature and in
art the man of talent fails, the charlatan
attains fam a Iu finalice aud in com
merce the swindler makes a fortune and
becomes fashionable, tbe bone 6 t man is
driven into bankruptcy. An enemy is
sure to flourish. The pattern Sunday
school boy is cut off iu bis youth ; the
truant grows to manhood, marries hap
pily and dies respected and regretted by
all. The worthy youth never marries
the woman he loves; she marries his
utterly worthless rival. —Loudon Truth.
FRANCE AND ENGLAND.
A n n ih ila tio n o f th e B ritis h E m p ir e F ro m
a F r e n c h P o i n t o f V ie w .
T h in k , th e P r in c ip ia o f P e rv e ra lty
G o r e r n n A l l D e p a r t m e n t « o f L ilo .
NOT
ONE.
aa
T h ere is n o t a h u m a n being p h y sic ally
p erfect. M uch o f th is im p erfectio n com es
from h eritag e, m u ch m ore from accid en t,
neglect o r igDoranoe. A ll o f th is m ass of ]
m o rta l snfferiDg is m a n ife st in ach es an d
p a in s o f m o re o r less in te n s ity , o r in som e
k in d o f u n n a tu r a l d ‘stre*s.' H en ce a ’l
striv e for relief.«»T he sim p le st a n d su rest
is o f co a rse tb e best, a n d tru e eco n o m y de
m a n d s to h av e it ala-ays a t h a n d . W h en
s e know tb a t a n o rd in a ry s p ra in m ay
m ak e a c rip p le for life, we sh o u ld seek th e
best rem ed y a t once, an d a t on e we know
t h a t it is fo u n d in a b o ttle o f S t. Jacob*
till. T h o se w ho in an y w ay d o u b t th is can
exj>erim ent a n d be su re o f cu re. T h o u
sa n d s h av e d o n e so.
Fils
Cure®
She—What Is a burlesque? He—A lake off.
She—A take-off of what? He-OI Ciolhes, gen
erally.
a
IIE A P N K S S
CANNOT
BE
From r.S.Jo*nml t MmHHm
Frot . W . H. P eek e, w ho
m a k e s a s p e c ia lty o f
E p ile p s y , h a s w ith o u t
d o u b t tre a te d a n d c u r
e d m o r e c a s e s th a n a n y
li v in g P h y s i c i a n ; h is
s u c c e s s is a s to n is h in g .
W e h a v e h e a r d of cases
o f jo y e a r s ' s ta n d in g
_ _
C IR ID
le o f hi« a b s o lu te c u r e , f r e e to a n y s u ffe re r«
*’ho m s v sen d t h e ir r>. O. a n d E x p r e s s a d d r e s s .
»Ye a d .*i*e a n v o n e w is h in g a c u r e to a d d r e s s
T o t W X.PET&X, F -P - ,4 Cedar St., V ew T srk
HERCULES
GAS‘AND «GASOLINE
...E N C IN E S ...
by local applications, as they rann^. reach
the diseased portion of the ear. There
only one ^vay to cure Deafness, and that is
by constitutional remedies. Deafness is
caused by an inflamed condition of ihe
mucous lining of the Eustachian Tube.
Waen this tuoe gets inflamed you have a
rumbling sound or imperfect hearing, and :
when it is entirely closed Deafness is the j
result, and unless the inflammation can be
take out and this tube restored to its nor
mal condition, hearing will be destroyed
forever; nine casts out of ten are ex -*ed by
catarrh, which is nothing but an in
flamed condition of the mucous surfaces.
We will gi e One Hundred Dollars for
any case of Deafness (caused by catarrh)
that cannot be cured by Hall s Catarrh
Cure. Send for circulars, tree.
F J. CHENEY A CO., Toledo,0.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
IN C R E tS E
YOUR
IN C O M E
N O T E D F O R ...
B y c a r e f u l I n v e s tm e n ts b y m a il th r o u g h
a r e s p o n s i b l e firm o f l u r g e e x p e rie n c e
S IM P L IC ITY
and g re a t su ccess.
W ill s e n d you p a r
STREN CTH
tic u la rs
fre e , s h o w in g
h o w a s m a ll
ECONOMY
a m o u n t o f m o n e y c a n b e e a s ily m u l t i
S U P E R IO R W O R K -
p l i e d b y s u c c e s s f u l I n v e s tm e n ts in g r a i n
M A N S K IP ...
H ig h e s t B a n k r e f e r e n c e s . O p p o rtu n itie s
IN EV E R Y D E T A IL
e x c e lle n t. 1 a ttls o n & I n . , B a n k e rs an d
B r o k e r s , R o o m P . , O m a h a B u i l d i n g , ; The«© e n g in e s a r e a c k n o w le d g e d b y e x p e r t
e n g in e e r* to be w o rth y o f h ig h e s t c o m m e n d a
i h ic u g o .
tio n fo r s im p lic ity , h ig h g ra d e m a te r ia l a n d s u
p e rio r w o r k m a n s h ip . T h e y d e v e lo p th e fa il
D IS A S T R O U S F A IL U R E !
a c tu a l h o rsep o w er, a n d r u n w ith o u t a n e le tr i e
Np&rk b a t te r y ; th e s y s te m of ig n itio n is s im p le ,
in e x p e n s iv e a n d re lia b le . F o r p u m p in g o u tfits
We can m onth n no failure more di--a troua fo r ir r i g a ti n g puri*oat*s n o b e tte r e n g in e c a n b e
than th at of phi slcai enemy. It iuvmves the fo u n d o n th e P acific c o a s t F o r h o is tin g o u tfits
partial Ku-p, m iou of the digestive aud ,.a»lmi- for m in e s th e y h a v e m e t w ith h ig h e s t a p p ro v a l.
latlve p-oceaaea. aud em ails the retirem ent F o r in t e r m i t t e n t p o w e r t h e ir e c o n o m y is u n
from business of the liver and kldnets. Oulv q u e s tio n e d .
As a specimen of rabid writing in the
IMPRESSIVE GLITTER.
French press I give a passage from an
T h e M e t a l l i c S p l e n d o r o f t b e D ip lo m a ti c
article I once read in Le M atin:
through the good office» oí H odetter's St > bi -
C o r p s o n N e w Y e a r ’« M o r n in g .
“ The English empire in India is now
.c h B irera can the restoration of Its form -r
a spectacle of extortion, rapine, famine
Washington’s most picturesque fea vigorous slstuH be hoped ffor. When this aid
ha« liesn secured, a resumption of actlvl v in
and bankruptcy. All crumble into ruins ture, the diplomatic corps, never gets in the
atom-ch liver and bowels may he relied
STATIONâRY HD MARINE EMUES
—towns, villages, reservoirs aud public to action nntil the reception at tbe upon. Tre B t.er» e :q lers malaria and kid
ney
troubles.
----- MANtTFACTURKD «Y------
works, temples and tombs; the railways White Honse on New Year's day, al-
pass through deserted villages and d i ! though the individual members w ill be
American Type Founders’ Co.
lapidated towns; the ordinary highways seen ont in society for a month or more
are impracticable—it is impossible to before the recognized social season. At
P O R TL A N D , O R .
nse a carriage 12 miles outside of Cal the New Year’s reception, however, the
B end fo r c a ta lo g u e .
cutta. The English have made a purely diplomats come ont strong, and the pro
superficial conquest of these vast regions. cession of the mem tiers of the foreign
They do not live there; they are only legations aud embassies from the White And p ain s o f r h rn m ip s m can he cured
encamped ; their children die there, and Honso to the home or hotel of the secre by rem oving th e cause, lactic arid in th e
with their gross bodies—all flesh and tary of state, where the diplomatio blood. H oo d 's .Sarsaparilla cures rh eu
blood—they cannot acclimatize them breakfast is served, is one of tbe gala m atism by n eu tralizin g th is arid . T h ra -
selves there. India is for them a place sights of the year. Many of the popula s a n d s o f people tell o f |ierfect cures by
I M ild r h y m e . O n e P i l l f a r n Do«©.
of exile, a tropical Siberia, which they tion of Washington stay np a'.! night in
movement of tbe Ixm.-l« enrb day ta tieoeeeary fa*
Ith. Theee pilla «opp y what tb«* ayatem leaks ta
escape from as soon as possible; they are order to get a place on the White Honse
ilar They c ¿re lleadacbe. bnjthtes thfc
ar tb e C o u j xion better than rrm alim
equally detested by the Hindoos and fence where they may s:eethe procession
. -------sr gripe nor sicken. To ooi - tuk -« you, WS
Mnssnlmans. The flame of this implaca pass as soon as it has been received and
©ill mail «ample free, or full box f * 2fic. Sold every*
©hare. DR BObANXO MED. CO.. Philadelphia, I V
ble-hatred poisons the lives of the con properly attended to by the president.
querors. The day when Russia blows
After this reception the entire organi
upon this castle of cards it mnst fall zation lines np and pnts ont on foot for
immediately, aud England of the British the home of the secretary of state. As T he One T ru e Blood Purifier. $ t ; six for »V
MRS. WINSLOW'S S os ° ytrhu V no
-
F O * C H IL D R E N T E E T H I N G
«
channel will perish through India. Asia they pass from the White Honse grounds H n n r l ’q P i l l s • ot h a r m o n i o u s l y with
F trM lc k y a llllra tfb tà .
C ea U a k a tll« ,
n
u
u
u
a
r
i
l
l
s
Hood's
San-aparllla.
25
rt*.
|
will cease to be a sterile and withered in their glittering raiment they are the
branch of humanity. Once escaped from showiest things iu Washington aud
the vampires of London, she will revive worth coming miles to see. The lowli
SURE
C U R E p o r P ILE S
and awake to a newT existence. The Rus est attache in the crowd will give curds
i t e h i s c U d B lin d , B lead in « w P rts u u .i.u « PII«** jte M mi mmm u
D R . B 0 - I A N - K 0 8 P IL E R E M E D Y .
>»®h-
sian conquest on the banks of the aud spades to the most showily dressed
»»«. e k a«cW m a ta r« A p a r t i r « ar« . X 3r « |l e r a a r e t fle a . T r i m
M a. V t A u U u a t B a i l .
|» J w i M M A l I k « , P f c l f c x . P a .
Ganges will be tbe signal for the down drum major iu the country aud will win
fall of the Anglo-Saxon ¡lower in both ont with ease. They have gold lace and
N. P. N. U. No. 628—S. F. N. U. No. 70&
hemispheres.
Nothing will remain bullion strung all over them, while the
standing in the parent country—aristoc aigrets, plumes, epanlets, cords, tassels!
racy and ehnrch, commerce and indus aud ribbons of nny one legation would
try, will simultaneously disappear.”
stock a millinery store. Such is the ef
The writer, having thus annihilated fect of this aggregation oflt beauty adU
you w ant a sure relief for pains in tbe back, tide, chest, or
the British empire and distributed her valor on the great American crowd
limbs, use an
colonies “ among the great powers,” gathered without the gates that every
goes on to predict that “ a new hour man in it utters at some time while the
P o ro u s
will then have struck for the human procession is passing, with contemptu
race,” e ta —Xa I .mil Review.
ous emphasis, the remark whieh occurs
P la s te r
oftenest in the naira live of (he adven
T e llu riu m .
B e a r in M i n d — N o t o n e o f th e h o s t o f c o u n te r fe its a n d im i
tures of Cliinimie Faddeu.—Indianapo
ta t i o n s is a s g o o d a s t h e g en u in e .
A mining paper states, us a practical lis Journal.
fact worth knowing, that any miner or
T b . M a n F o r t h e P la c e .
prospector who has a blowpipe, alcohol
lamp aud a few drops of cold snlphuric
Manager—Yes, we advertised for a
acid can in a few minutes determine night watchman.
whether tellurium is present in ores, all
Applicant—Then I'm just the one for
that is necessary being to break off a the place, .'’he slightest noise will wake
small piece of the ore, place it in a me up.—Exchange.
porcelain dish previously warmed so as
to avoid breaking, apply tbe blowpipe
W h e n th e N am e I . C h an g ed .
nntil the ore is at an oxidizing heat,
“ Why.” asked Mr. Ashnry Peppers,
then pnt one or two drops of the snl
plinric acid on the porcelain dish and “ why is the letter ‘k ’ like a wedding?” 1
No one noticed him, but be went on: !
allow to mix with the ore—the reaction
“ The letter ‘k ’ is like a wedding be- j
will immediately follow, if tellurium be
present, by beautiful cnimine and pur tanse it causes a change from cooing^ to 1
pie colors. The metal fnses at abont 500 ;ookiug. ’’—Cincinnati Tribune.
degrees C., and is distilled at a very
© ■
makes
I 'i a n o R e c i t a l .
high temperature. Its vapor is golden
H ■
th e nerves
The term “ recital” was nsed for the
yellow and has a very brilliant absorp
W
strong, and
P J K ' brings b a o k
tion spectrum, while the electrical con first time ill announcing Liszt’s piano
th
e
fe e lin g s o f
ductivity, like that of seleninm, is large forte performances at the Old Hanover
y o u th t o th e pre
ly influenced by the temperature previ Square rooms. The pianist indeed in one
m atu rely old m an. V
ons to heat, increasing after exposure to >f his letters writes, "L e recital, e’est
It re sto res lo s t vigor. |
light, though not to the same extent a.- moi. ” —Academy.
Y ou m a y g a in ten
does seleninm. Tellurium burns, when
pounds in ten d a y s.
ft
N
E
W
W
A
Y
E
A
S
T
—N
O
D
U
S
T
.
heated iu the air, with a bine flame,
GUARANTEED
evolving white vapor of tellurium diox
Go E a s t from P o rtla n d , P en d leto n . W alla
ide. It is insoluble in water and carbon W alla via O. R . A N. to S p o k an e a n d G reat
TOBACCO HABIT CURE.
disulphide, but dissolves in cold fuming N o rth ern R ailw ay to M o n ta n a, D ak o tas, St.
P aul, M in n eap o lis, Chicago, O m ah a, 8 t
Go b u y an d tr y a b ox to -d a y . It
sulphuric acid, imparting to the sola Louie,
E ast an d S o u th . R ock ballast t r a c k ;
ooete o n ly «1. Your o w n d ru g g ist
tion a most pleasing carmiuo color fine scenery; Dew e q u ip m e n t; G reat N orth
w ill g u a ra n tee a cure or m o n e y re
which almost immediately passes into u -m P alace sleepers an d D in e rs; F am ily
funded. Booklet, w ritten g u aran tee o f cure
purple. The compact form is a silvei T o u rist ' ’a re; B uffet-L ib rary C ars W rite
and sam ple free. A d d re ss n ea rest offloe.
A B C. D s n n is to n , C. P. *fe T. A., P o rtlan d .
white, resplendent metal of markedly O regon, o r F . I. W h itn e y . G. P . A T. A..
T H E S TE R L IN G R E M E D Y C O .,
crystalline structure.
St. P a u l, M in n ., for p rin te d m a tte r an d in
C H IC A G O .
M ONTREAL, CAN.
N EW Y O R K .
Aches
Hood's
Sarsaparilla
A llc o c k ’s
Don’t Tobacco
Spit and Smoka
Your Life
Away!
fo rm atio n a b o u t rates, ro u tes, etc.
“ D r y ( if y t w r s " o f Y e lln w a to n e P a r k .
u m p 'to n I
There are several holes in the Yellow
m y fam ily a u d p ractice.—D -, G. W.
stone park region wnich are locally re In
P attkrsok , In k ste r, M ich .. N jv . 5, 1894
pnted to be “ bottomless. ” Geological
authorities say that they are “ diy gey
F I T S . —A ll F its sto p p ed free by D r K lin e * «
r e a t N e r ? « R e s t o r e r . N o F<ts a fte r th e fir«!
sers. ” Into one of them, known as G
d ay ’s use. M arv elo u s cu res. T re atise an d |2.0('
“ Hell's Back Door,” 10,000 feet of trfsl b o ttle free to F it cases. .Send to Dr. K line
line, with weight attached, has been «1 A rch St., P h ilad elp h ia. Pa.
lowered, w'tnont striking bottom.—St
r*Y O h m « a for b reak fast
Lonis Republic.___________
GASCARETS
Timely Warning.
The great success of the chocolate preparations of
the house of W a l t e r B a k e r f . C o . (established
in 1780) has led to the pla.ing on the market
many misleading and unscrupulous imitations
of their name, labels, and wrappers. Walter
Baker X Co. are the oldest and largest manu
facturers of pure and high-grade Cocoas a^d
Chocolates on this continent. No chemicals are
used in their manufactures.
Consumers should ask for, and be sure that
they get, the genuine Walter Baker X C o .’e goods.
M a c e d o n ia .
Macedonia, the land of the three
streams, Vardar, Struma and Vistritsa,
is hemmed in by lofty mountains, of
which the best known or the highest art
Olympus, Shardagh and Rhodope, the
last named rising to between 8,000 and
9,000 feet above the level of the sea. It
is among the most picturesque countries
of Enrope, abounding in magnificent
forests, which climb hills, fringe rivers
and cover islands; in wild mountain
scenes, wonderful waterfalls, silent sail
less lakes—an appropriate setting for
gems of emerald islets, deep gorges,
dizzy mountain paths, smiling plains
and desolate passes, which ought to
prove an irresistible attraction to the
traveler who regards genuine danger aud
real discomfort as the appropriate condi
meat of pleasure.—Contemporary Re-
E V E R Y F A M IL Y
SH OULD KNOW TH A T
N ^
vegetable
-J " .
P A IN ,«
A -(iV V
The late Canon Harper of Selby, in
Yorkshire, had a certain oddity and
originality, illustrated in one of his ad
vertisements for a curate: “ Wanted, by
an incumbent, wbo means to do as hit
bishop bids him, a curate who means tc
do as his incumbent bids him—subject
to the rule aud law of the established
church. ‘His text the Bible, his com
mentary the prayer book. ’ Daily serv
ice; weekly communion; good choir;
very fine chnrch. An earnest man, w ho
can do without incense or prostrations,
will find mnch work which wants doing,
much ‘room to deny bimself,’ and ‘a
road to bring him .’ Address Rev. Can
on Harper, Selby.” —London World.
DORCHESTER, MASS.
r c TE? NAL
derful in i u quick tc tio a to relieve d iitre s i.
Pain-K iller T h r o n t .
«>111«, DiarrliuR, Dj «en^ry. GrainuV
P *
ilter11T
E BE*T
* P * ain-K
****
e <tr H
known
for "•*
S e *
» -
Mrkneas, 8ick Headache, P a in In the
B a c k or .Side, K lit umn mmm anri Neuralgia
Pain-K iller
M A D E , h briosa
Seeds, Trees, Spray Pups
BUELL LAMBERS 0 N
I M I h l r i t t . . t m t Ttylm
P O R I 1. A N D
-
OREGON
C o n * I?¡¡f
< b o t e r à , and all Bowel CcmpiaJnl».
A T e sty C h u rc h m a n .
W A L T E R BAKER & CO., Limited,
ho(h Ì * rTf-
ose- *nd w oo.
tebn Z .
i z ! Z i i L , ? a°
candy cathartic enre constipation. Purely vegetable, smooth and
e&fir, sold by druggists ?rerjnrhere, guaranteed to coro. Onlj ttc.
WEINHflRDS
WELL-KNOWN
BEER
----- (IN KMG8 O E BOTTI.«B,___
S econ d to n o n « —
T R T IT . .
N o m a iler « Irete from .
PO RTLAND. OR.
a n t permanent rriief
k r e r eCB?r.% S i““ ” ’ r
P a liu K ille r lZ ^ ™ '-*
M p rh a iilp , F a r m e r , P la n t e r , S a ilo r , and
In tact all claaare wanting a tn r d lr io e a lw ij . at
band.and m f e to va. I n t e r n a li, o r e z t e r n n l lr
w it h r e r t a in t r o f r r iie f .
IS R E C O M M E N D E D
B y Fhytieinnt, by M ia.ionariet, by Miniatori h r
Merhunica, by Aurata in JioapUcUa.
BY EVERYBODY.
Pain-Killer
leave po rt w ith o u t a aopply o f It.
.
N® family can affbrd to be without this
Invaluable remedy In the houae. Ita price b ïrtliM
r
It within tha reach o f all. and It wui anni inaljjf
«ay e many Mmee Ita eo n In dem on' Mila.
I MALARIA !
9
DO YOU FEEL BAD? DOF> YOUR BACK
*che? Does every «rep seem m burden? You need
M O O R E ’S
REVEALED
REM EDY.
D O N ’T B O R R O W T R O U B L E . ”
S A P O L IO
BUY
*T!S C H E A P E R IN T H E EN D .