V
1
TAKES ON NEW LIFI
San Francisco's Business Rcsimi
Iny Normal Condition.
lilG BUILDING BOOM HAS BEGUN
When Insurance Companies Pay Up
Reconstruction of Metropolis
Will Proceed In Ruih.
Han Francisco, July 1 2. A Ithnugli
the city building laws were in i
chaotic Btatn during the month of Jane
building permits were IimuimI to the
value of tl.HOO.OOO, and In thin sum
are not Included those one story tern
porary structures which may he erected
for a time without special permit.
Now that the building ' has been
promulgated, reconstruction will take
ill real (tart. It In hampered solely by
the alnwnesa or the Insurance com
panici.
Up to the present time hut lift, 000,
O00 has been paid out in insurant e
ere the various companies to loosen
their purse string as the situation de
maims, nan rrsncisco would at once
enter upon a building boom such as
has never ben known before. As it
is, plans at this transitory stage are be
ing drawn for a dosen tall huildiiiKS to
he erected In the heart of the burned
district.
An Oakland department store, nb-
nerving that it was unable to meet its
augmented trade hy the small order
system, determined to place an order
for a train load of good in the Fast.
A few days hefore the goods arriv.wl,
the proprietor of the Oakland store he
came slarmed, fearing he had placed
an order beyond his capacity to handle.
lie telephoned to a large department
etore in Kan Fram-ixco, aftklng to he re
lieved of half of the consignment. The
Han Francisco firm consented.
When the. goods arrived, the Han
I ranciscan dinpof-ed of them hefore he
had fairly placed the goods on the
ehelves, telephoned to his Oakland
friend, purchased tue rest of the con
signment slid disponed of it with the
same alacrity as he had done the flret
part. This simply illustrates that San
tiancisco is nut to he displaced as the
main trade center.
The bridging of the hay, which whs
a put scheme of some of the eailier
railroad magnates, is now to ho put
through. President Harriman has or
dered that woik begin immediately.
I!y this improvement freight will not
le brought across by lx lit from Oak
land, hut all freight trains can be de
flected south around the loop and
brought direct into Kan Francisco. In
connection with this work (he railroad
is also building a rut-off into Han Fran
cisco for its coast trains.
ADMIRAL FATALLY SHOT.
Chouknin, Suppressor of Black Sea
Mutiny, it Wounded.
Ht. Petersburg, July 12. An attempt
was made at 1 o'clock this afternoon at
Hevastopol to assHssinate Admiral
Chouknin, commander of the 15 lack sea
fleet. The admiral was wounded and
taken to a hospital.
The would-be-assassin Is a sailor,
who hid in the bushes and shot at the
admiral as he was walking in the gar
den of his villa. The culprit has not
linen apprehended.
Admiral Clmuknin's condition is ex
tremely serious. The builet lodged in
liM lungs, inuking breathing difficult.
The doctors hold out no hope of his re
covery. The admiral's assailant is thought to
lie one of the sailors of the battleship
Otchakoff and his act is supposed to be
in revenge for the execution of Lieuten
ant Schmidt, the revolutionary leader.
Admiral Chouknin was unlvcrcally hut
ed by his sai'ors and at the time of the
execution of Hchmidt the revolutionists
condemned him to d.'ath, 00 of their
number pledging themselves to carry
out the sentence.
Rebate Inquiry at Jamestown.
Jamestown, N. Y., July 12 Inves
tigations into the charges of violations
of the interstate commerce laws by the
Htandard Oil company and the Penn
sylvania railroad re'ative to rebates at
Olean began yesterday afternoon before
Judge Hazel and a jury in the First
district court. According to the find
ings of the commissioner of labor and
commerce, the Htandard company laved
$116,000 In 1004 by its rebates from
the Pennsylvania railroad for oil ship
ped from the refineries at Glenn to
Rochester.
Article Was Improper.
Dallas, Tex., July 12. Mrs. Carrie
Nation was arretted at Clebourne late
this afternoon by a United States dep
uty marshal, on a warrant charging her
with having misused the mails. She
was brought to Dallas, and, after a
hearing, was released on bonds of 2,
500, The examining trial is set for
July 21. The warrant comes from
luthrie, Okla., and charges that she
deposited in the postollice a publication
containing an Improper article.
Alaska Gold la Stolen.
Seattle, July 21. Over $100,000
consigned to the Alaksa-Pacific Express
company here has been stolen from
aboard the steamer Ida May and no
clew has been obtained to the robbers.
The shipment was sent from Fairbanks
and was transferred at Nenana. The
Ida May was to transfer it to the Sarah
at Fort Gibson and it was there that
the lost was discovered.
JOHN BULL IN GLASS HOUSE.
Disgusting Conditions In Sausage and J
J.im Factories.
London, July 1 1 .The Britishers,
who have hi en so virtuous recently
over the Chlrngo meat packing revela
tions, were tixlay confronted with the
annual repot t of the inspector of fac
tories and workshops, which shows
that the conditions here are quite as
revolting as anything alleged of the
Western packing rente's.
Dir'y factories and disgusting im th
ods seem to he the rule, instead of the
exception. Jam factories, baketies and
saussge makers are all censured as be
Ing npially filthy, and the description
of one fits most of the others. Mere Is
the report of a typical Jam factory:
"The boiling factory lay between the
yard and the stable, and the horses
reached the latter through the boiling
room. The sanitary accommodation
was hardly separated from the rooms
where the fresh frutt and uncovered
jam were kept, and the floors were dir
ty and andrained."
Another factory Inspector found jam
pots leing washed in "liquid like dark
soup, which smellwl abominably.
The manager informed the inspector
that the water was changed "about
once a week." When Ashed out of
these evil-smelling tsnks the pots were
allowed to stand until dry, when they
were considered ready to refill.
Insptctors of bakeries found that it
was a frequent custom to bathe the
children In them alter the close of work
on Saturdays, and the family's weekly
collection of dirty clothing was sorted
in the bakeries for dispatch to the
laundry.
The sausage factories, rays the re
port, are mostly owned by Germans,
are small, dilapidated and poorly lit,
and are infested with rats."
UNCLE SAM'S GUARANTEE.
Roosevelt Offers It for Government
Inspected Canned Meat.
Sheffield. Kngland, July 11. The
irocers' federation, whose annual con
ference is proceeding here, has received
communication from Ambassador
Whitelaw Held, enclosing a message
from President Roosevelt, as follows:
"Yon are at liberty to inform the
irocers' federation that under the new
law we can and will guarantee the fit
ness In all respects ol tinned meats
bearing the government stamp. If any
trouble arises therewith, protest ran at
once im niS'le not merely to the sellers
of the goods, but to the United States
government itself."
The secretary of the federation "tated
that Mr. Roosevelt's message was in
reply to one sent by him on 'ehal( of
the federation, saying trade was almost
paralyzed and that dealers must be as
sured of the wholesome character of
tinned goods, or otherwise they would
have to stop stocking up with Ameri
can brands. The speaker hoped the
publication of the president's message
would lead to a revival of the trade
He said the loss to the members of the
federation in the canned meat trade
bad been very heavy.
Drastic resolutions were referred to
committees, one of which pledged the
grocers not to stock with American can
ned meats until the packers have initi
ated an inspection system guaranteeing
the wholesomeness of their output.
MITCHELL IS FREE.
Slayer of Holy Roller Leader Is Ac
quitted by Jury.
Seattle, Wash., July 11. George II
Mitchell, who shot Fran Kdmnnd
Creflield, leader of the Holy Rollers,
on First avenue, May 7, was acquit
ted late yesterday afternoon. After
nearly an hour and a half in the jury
room the 12 men who have listened to
the testimony in Mitchell's trial tiled
buck and announced their verdict:
'Not guilty."
Despite the advance warning of the
court that no demonstration would be
permitted, irrespective of the verdict,
roar of applause greeted the an
nouncement ami the court otneers were
powerless to still it. The courtroom
was crowded, but aside from thope who
sat in the front row, directly under the
eye of the presiding judge, the spectat
ors applauded almost unanimouley
when the clerk had read the words that
freed Creltield's slayer.
Turmoil Grows In Strength.
Odessa, Russia, July 11. Agrarian
outrages and politico-industrial strikes
occur daily, and are alarmjngly ppread
ing in the Southern provinces. The re
volting peasantry are now evidently or
ganized and led by profesisonal propa
gandists. In an interview today a mar
shal of the nobility of Kherson ex
pressed the firm conviction that the
situation is inevitably and rapidly
drifting to a colossal and calamitous
uprising of the peasants against the
landowners and that the movement
will be supported by the soldiers.
Last of Coal Mine Strike.
Philadeplbla, July 11. Virtual set
tlement of the strike of coal miners in
the bituminous coal field, which began
laBt April, was made in thin city to
night at a conference between repre
sentatives of the United Mine workers
of America and the operators in that
Held. The principal terms of the set
tlement are a 5.65 increase in wageB for
all tuineworkers over the scale which
existed before the strike; application
of the check-off system to miners.
Black Sea Fleet Mutinies.
Sevastopol, July 11. It is reported
that the Ironclads Pantelemon and
Three Saints have joined the garrison
of the Ilatoum forces, which has been
In mutiny. Tbe Three Saints hoisted
the red flag and the mutineers are forc
ibly detaining two other ironclads
which had refused to Join them.
BARKED BY BRITONS
No American Canned Meats Al
'lowed On Tlielr Warships.
SAILORS REFUSED TO EAT IT
Admiralty Yields and Will Feed Them
On Australian and Argentine
Canned Goods.
London, July 10. As the result of
the refusal of one of the ships of the
ISrltish attacking fleet to take on Amer
ican tinned meats during the recent
naval maneuvers, the Admiralty directs
that ships' companies be supplied with
Australian or Argentine brands in lieu
of American. The remainder of Amer
ican tinned meats now on hand is being
returned to the victualing yards and
will be no longer a compulsory ration
(or the navy.
Winston Charchill Spencer, under
secretary of the colonies, in an official
communication to William Redmond,
Nationalist member of parliament, says
he is informed that special care la ex
ercised by the New South Wales gov
ernment that only absolutely healthy
beeves are slaughteiel for food and
that every precaution is taken at the
(reexing and canning works to insure a
cleanly method. Where any breach of
the regulations regarding cleanliness is
proved, licenses are immediately with
drawn. Persons slaughtering a diseas
ed beef are liable to imprisonment for
two years and the seller of diseased
meat is liable to imprisonment for a
longer term. Government inspectors
report weekly. Twelve hours notice
must Im; given of intention to slaughter,
and where no such notice is given a
penalty of $25 a head may be imposed.
RECIPROCITY THE NEXT ISSUE.
Congress Will Be Asked to fcnlarge
President's Powers.
Washington, July 10. Tariff reci
procity as the beginning cf tariff revi
sion may be made tbe chief issue of the
short session of the 59th congress. It
is more than likely that after the elec
tion in November steps will be taken in
tbe direction of the passage of a general
reciprocity law. Whatever reciprocity
there is must be by a new law, because
the reciprocity feature of the Dingley
act expired two years after its passage,
and none of the treaties negotiated un
der its provisions succeeded in securing
raticfiation by the senate.
The reciprocity of the future must be
statutory, that is to say, the president
must be authorized in some way, either
by the separation of a maximum and
.minimum tariff or by a horizontal re
dnction, to promote trade relations
with tob re countries This would not
mean revision of the tariff if reciprocity
could be accomplished on a percentage
basis, that is to say, by the application
of a more general principle of the prea
ent law without disturbing tbe rates
themselves, thus provoking a general
tariff discussion.
ROOT DODGES PROBLEMS.
Speaks at Banquet at San Juan With
Diplomatic Reserve.
San Juan, Porto Rico, July 10. Eli
hu Root, the American secretary of
Mate, who arrived here on tbe cruiser
Charleston on his voyage to Rio Ja
neiro as the representative of the
American government at the Pan-
American congress, was entertained at
luncheon tonight by George C. Ward,
at the Union club.
Auditor Hyde, of Porto Rico, pro
posed a toast to President Roosevelt.
In responding Mr. Boot said he fully
appreciated the difficulties attending
the island s adjustment to the new con
ditions resulting from its separation
from Spain and the severance of rela
tions between church and state. The
United States, Mr. Root said, was
greatly interested in the welfare of the
island aud in holding its friendship,
and strongly desired for Porto Rico the
utmost prosperity and happiness.
Mr. Root avoided all reference to in
sular problems, such aa the question of
citizenship, the coffee growing industry
and the presence ol troops.
Sealers Put In Chains.
Victoria, B. C, July 10. Advices
from Japan state that three Americans,
one Britisher and one Japanese sealer.
who were imprisoned for 16 months at
Vladivostok, have returned to Japan
after being released. One of the Amer
icans was loaded with chains, while in
confinement. The Americana and the
Britisher, who are distressed, are being
maintained at the Seaman's institute
at Yokahoma. They were members of
the crew of the Japanese sealing
schooner Kyoichi Maru, which waa
sunk by Russian cruisers in 1003.
Form Democratic Cabinet.
London, July 10. According to
the
St.
correspondent of the Times at
Petersburg, it is the concensus of opin
ion there that the Constatutional Dem
ocrats will be invited to form a minis
try. One of their leaders said there
had been indirect overtuns with that
end in view, and that they were await
ing the next move from Peterhof. An
other leader said the Goremykin cabinet
was certain to go and that there will be
Moitromtseff cabinet.
Castro Again Supplants Gomez.
Caracas, Venezuela July 10. Vice
President Gomes yesterday transferred
to President Castro the presidential
office, which the latter temporarily re
signed In April last.
CANNON AIDED WEST.
Speaker of House Blocked Diversion
of Reclamation Fund.
Washington, July 10. Thanks to
Speaker Cannon, the Harishrough bill
diverting 11,000,000 from the reclama
tion fund to drain private swamp lands
in North Dakota, was riot allowed to
come before the house at the recent ses
sion. Had the bill been given consid
eration it would almost certainly have
become a law, for it had already passed
the senate, was Indorsed by a majority
of the house committee on public lands,
and only a handful of Western mem
bers were in a mood to oppose the bill
in debate.
' Speaker Cannon was the man who
defeated this onslaught on the none too
large reclamation fund, and his posi
tion was altogether unexpected, too.
When congress was framing the recla
mation law, and in the yeara previous,
Cannon was one of the strongest oppon
ents of the proposed legislation. He
believed it would deplete the treasury
and interfere with other government
work; furthermore, he contended that
Irrigation of arid lands could he carried
on by private enterprise under the Car
ey act, and therefore saw no necessity
for utilizing public land receipts in this
great work.
Since that law was written on the
satute books and has been put into op
eration, Speaker Cannon has traveled
through the West, has observed the
vat benefits that are resulting from it,
and today he is as staunch a friend of
the law as any man from the arid West.
He has proved himself a better friend
of the law than many men who helped
to frame it.
In the closing days of the session an
effort was made to rush through the
senate a bill to take a part of the recla
mation fund for draining the Dismal
swamp, but the bill was refused con
sideration, a number of Western senat
ors having been aroused to a realization
of the danger that lurks behind bills of
this character, and notice was served
by Senator Fulton that no more distri
butions would be made from the recla
mation fund for the benefit of states
that do not contribute to that fond.
Tbe senators behind the bills provid
ing for the drainage of the Dismal
swamp, the Florida Everglades and the
big swamps along the Mississippi river,
on the other hand, are determined to
force through thsir respective bills.
and it is to be expected that they will
unite at the next session.
The West 't not strong enough in
numbers to outvote the Soutn, which is
sure to stand together on these drain
age propositions, and tbe only hope, so
far as the senate is concerned, is in
arousing adverse sentiment among men
from the Northern and EaBtern states.
On a fair presentation of the case,
the men from the West ought to be
able to win out, but they can only win
by standing together, and those who in
the recent session voted tor the Hans
brough bill will have to renounce their
former vote and declare themselves
against all legislation that will deplete
the national reclamation fund.
BIG STORMS IN COLORADO.
Dry Creeks Become Torrents and
Much Damage Is Done.
Denver, Jaly 10. Cloudbursts and
lightning did considerable damage in
this section of the state today. In
Denver a wall of water 10 feet high
came down Dry creek in the western
part of the city, carrying away foot
bridges and damaging the bridge of
the Denver A Internationa! railroad.
Two boya were fishing under the bridge
and were rescued with difficulty.
In Boulder a wall of water six feet
high came out of Sunshine canyon and
spread itself over Pearl street and
other etreets in that city. A mile of
the Sunshine railroad was destroyed.
Considerable damage was done in the
city.
At Florence late this afternoon a
cloudburst in Oak creek undermined a
big bridge at Rockvale. A heavy storm
destroyed telephone communication be
tween Florence and Pueblo.
Fay Powers, aged 17, was killed by
lightning near Colorado Springs.
The Carnegie library in this city waa
truck by a bolt of lightniDg during the
storm, but no other damage resulted.
Root at San Juan.
San Juan, P. R-, July 10. The
cruiser Charleston, with Secretary
Root and party on board, arrived here
this afternoon. Tbe Charleston estab
lished a record run between New York
and San Juan, making the distance in
3 days and 19 hours. As the Charles
ton neared the harbor she received sa
lutes from Moro castle and the Italian
cruiser Umbria. Governor Winthrnp
and his secretary went on board the
cruiser and after an extending of greet
ings the secretary's party came ashore
in naval launches.
Salvador Will Give Right of Way.
Mexico City, July 10. Reports from
Salvador indicate that the Pan-Ameri
can railway will Boon be granted a
concession and a subsidy for the exten
sion of the line through that country.
M. Neeland. vice president and gen
eral manager of the road, is in Central
America. He has received every assur
ance that the concession asked from the
government of Salvador will be. granted
as soon as the present disturbance in
Guatemala ia settled.
No Yellow Fever in New Orleans.
New Orleans, July 10. Dr. Tames A.
White, surgeon in charge of the marine
hospital here, issued a statement to
night that aa far as he ia aware none of
the marine hospital surgeons at New
Orleans bad given out any atatement
that there ia yellow (ever in New Or
leans, and neither ia there nor baa
there been any ferer exiating in thia
city.
TRUMPET CALLS.
rtam'a Horn Sonnil a Wnrnlnf Xot
to the I nrf ilrr inril.
I IKY who Seek
the loHt always
find I Hi love.
Little llHtl glvo
the devil Ills best
lmnd holds.
The w o r I d's
work lias no
grenter foe than
the whlncr.
The religion
t tin t Is not giving
Is usually groan
ing.
Opportunities sre only hole knocked
In the walls of difficulty.
Heaven can always become a closer
environment than earth.
All culture must 1m; measured by Its
contribution to the soul.
Regeneration Is spiritual heredity
overcoming that of flesh.
True parenthood Is a perfect sermon
ori t lie tut tier In Heaven.
We can always have Ills face near
er to us than our failures.
You cannot live right when you are
feeding your mind on folly.
Almost all things we get for nothing
cost more than they are worth.
With many the wisest thing to do
H to say nothing and stick to It.
Keep your heart fallow and you can
be sure of fat crops from God's seed.
When the church Is a refrigerator car
It Is traveling under fn!.e pretPiisos.
A man need to pray for himself
when the offering spoils the sermon.
It's the man who Is always crowing"
who Is most likely to have to eat crow.
There Is no promise that the Holy
Ghost shall come to the ghostly church.
They who have tbe Joy of finding the
lost never desire the pleasures of the
lost.
Many are willing that God should
lend them If they may show Him the
way.
A man does not secure the wedding
garment by tils fidelity to the mode
here.
A good deal of our faith in revival
ists Is to cover our failure to do thtlr
work.
The men whu proclaim the ign of
i:iv in nature often forget It In their
souls.
Mmiv sheidicrds never go after the
one until they have sheared the ninety
and nine.
TRAGEDY UNDER THE SEA.
Fate of a Diver Whose Helmet
MtranKelr Came I'nfaatened.
An uccideut which U described as
without precedent la the history of
diving operations has been the subject
sf magisterial Inquiry at Slmonstown,
Two divers, Kraming and Macphall,
were at work at some levels on the new
dockyard works at Sluionstown. Tbey
ere working at a depth of about fifty
feet, and, though they did not go down
together, they met under water, and
wore, It appeared from the evidence.
discussing by signs the position In re
ard to tbe levels on which they were
working.
According to tbe statement of the
jurvlvor, Macphall, he saw his com
panion's helmet suddenly fly off. In
this desperate position the drowning
man clung to Macphall, who gave the
dgnal to the boat overhead to haul In,
and the two men were drawn up to
Ithln ten feet of the surface. At this
)olnt the hauling ceased, the men lti
the boat being unable to raise the
lieavy weight further, and Macphall
was comiiellod to loose his hold of his
drowning comrade, who sank to the
bottom. The other uian reached the
'Mat, and Immediately went down
sgain, but Kraming was lying face
downward on the bottom, and was dead
whou they finally got him to the sur
face. No explanation was forthcoming of
how It was possible for the man's hel
aiet to come unfastened. It was stated
to have been adjusted properly when
tie entered the water, and the two
divers were said to hare been on per
fectly good terms, no question as to
the possibility of foul play being
raised. The verdict was simply that
the man was drowned, but the- magis
trate confessed that the manner la
which the helmet became unfastened re
aialnod a mystery. Cape Town Corre
Ioudenee London Chronicle.
I'rehUtorle Incubator.
The use of Incubators la the hatching
of eggs Is not a new process. Ou the
contrary, It dates back to the ancient
Egyptians who often hatched eggs of
various fowls In clay .ovens heated to
the proper temperature.
With the dying out of the Egyptians,
the science of lucubutlon, like so many
of their others arts, went with them,
aud It was thought that It was one of
the lost arts until Reaimir regained It
In the last century.
Stereotyping,
The first attempt at stereotyping In
America was made In 1775 by lSenJamln
Mecoin, a printer at Philadelphia. Pre
vious to this time the Dutch had stereo
typed u prayer book In 1771.
The first printing press In America
was established In 1UW at Cambridge,
Muss.
C'lvlllaatlon Shorten ICqulne Life,
The life of the horse Is said to have
been reduced by civilization. At the
age of -o" the domestic animal Is as old
as If It had lived thirty years la a free
state.
There Isn't much fuu la making love
to a gin ii sue kuows you really mean
lit
Upper-Ten Child My pnpn Is nhroniL
la yours? Lower-Ten Child Yep. Mine
Is at large ng'ln. Now York Weekly.
Jack How Is It you lavish so riiuchj
affection on those dumb brutes? Kiln
For want of something better. Judge.
IjwJy Customer (In baker's shop, to
ship girl; Are these buns to day's, be
cause what I bought yesterday wereu'L
Punch.
Woman's Ages. He: "They say a
man has seven ages." She: "Women
are more stable. They have one age
and stick to It."
Well Answered. Mistress: "Do you
like children?" Applicant for Nurse:
"I yes Ixpect to git a Roosevelt fer
four dollars a week?"
"Mamma, Is It possible to hate any
one you have never met and don't know
personally?" "Certainly, darling;
don't we all hate 'Central?' "Life.
Suspicious. "What Is the prisoner'
reputation for truth and veracity?" "I
dou't know, except that I have fre
quently seeu him go past with a fishing
pole."
Mose Johnson Ixan yo' hate to see
woman's haniJs covered wlf rings?
I'ete Persimmons Ah suttlnly does.
Ah'd as soon git hit wlf brass knuckles I
Puck.
As It Ought to Seem. "Hans, how
long have you been married?" "Veil,
dis Is a ting that I seldom don't like
to talk about, but ven I does, It seem
so long as It never vas."
Shocking. "What would you do If
I should give you a penny?" asked the
old lady. "Madame," replied the beg
gar, "I am afraid I should be compelled
to invest it In a nerve tonic."
Miss Debutte Now that you're grad
uated from college, don't you miss the
outdoor exercise? Mr. Green wun Not
especially. You see. I'm serving sub
poenas for a law firm now. Puck.
How dare you laugh at our Investi
gation?" said the irate statesman.
Thought It was the proper thing to
do," answered the financier. "Was told
It would be a farce." Washington
Star.
Regrets. A country paper has thla
personal Item : "Those who know old
Mr. Wilson of this place personally will
regret to hear that he was assaulted in
a brutal manner last week, but was not
killed."
His Hope. Mother: "Oh, you bad
boy. Dirty hands again! I'm afraid
you're a hopeless case." Tommy (eager
ly) : "Oh, ma, does 'hopeless' mean
you're going to give up talking about
It?" Philadelphia Ledger.
Yellow a Peril. "What broke up tbe
Ladles' Debating Society?" "The lead
ing member was told to prepare an es
say on the yellow peril. She did so,
and the opening sentence read: 'Yel
low apparel Is very trying to most com
plexions.' "
Miss Skreecher What sort of songs
do you like best, Mr. Suphrer? Mr.
Suphrer The songs of the seventeenth
century. Miss S. How odd! Why do
you prefer them? Mr. S. Because no
body ever sings 'em nowadays. Cleve
land Leader.
Modern Natural History. The teach
er had been telling the class about the
rhinoceros family. "Now name some
things," said he, "that It Is dangerous
to get near to, and that have horns. '
"Automobiles," promptly replied little
Robbie Bright
"No," he said, "I'm not sure whether
my wife's Christmas gift to me was
neant to please me or to humble my
pride." "What did she give you?"
'She had a crayon portrait of me made
3y an amateur artist." English Illus
trated Magazine.
Miss Watkyns Where Is Mr. Cash
lelgh now? Mr. Wilkyns I don't know
exactly. Somewhere up in Canada.
Miss Watkyns Why, I didn't know-
that he was going away. Mr. W'ilkyua
The bank directors dldu't either.-
Somervllle Journal.
Governor (at the consul's party) I
remember your face perfectly, sir, but
rour name for the moment has escaped
lie. Stranger I am delighted to meet
rour again, your excellency. My name
!s Ivan Petrovltcu Swereczsklski.
Somervllle Journal.
Patient Doctor, I frequently expe
rience a hissing sound la my ears.
What would you advise me to do? Doc
tor What Is your occupation? Pu
tlent I'm an actor. Doctor Then I'd
advise you to get some other kind of
a Job. Chicago Dally News.
First Attempt. "Do J ou keep silk
ollue?" asked Mrs. V'ouugwlfe of the
dry goods clerk. "I am sorry, madam,
but we are' all out of It to-day." "Oh,
what a pity I I did want It awfully.
But If you haven't It, I will have to
make something else answer. Please
give me two yards of eottolene."
"So you can't help stealing?" asked
the magistrate, kindly. "No, your
honor, nu Impulse comes over me that
I can't resist." "To bad, too bad! An
Impulse to send you up for six months
Is getting hold of me. There! It's got
bold. Six months: can't resist. Im
pulse la a wonderful thing." Kx.
Advantages of Yells. Successful
Farmer (whose son has been to col
lege) : "What was all that howlin' you
was doln' out In th' grove?" Cultured
Son: "I waa merely showing Miss
Brlguteyea what a college yell Is like."
Farmer: "Wall, colleges Is some good
after all. I'm golii' Into town to sell
some truck tomorrow. You kin gu
along aa' do th' callla'."