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About Bohemia nugget. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1899-1907 | View Entire Issue (March 25, 1904)
I Topics of g I the Times On the stage of llfo tho leading lady li usually tlio cook. A woman never tires of shopping as long as lier linlr stnys In curl. In n successful matrimonial firm the husband Isn't n "full" partner. Sermons would ho shorter if they had to tie practiced before they were preached. War would probably bo the most horrible thing In tho world If It were not for the comle valentine. Uujoy tho plcnsurcs of llfo when you havo a chance, or when you get ready to enjoy them you may And them missing. Localization of hostilities' and 'ad ministrative entity" are two more de lightfully vaguo verbal morsels to roll under the diplomatic tongue. Ono advantago of depending upon the Missouri mula in war Is that no disguised Jap would dare to get near enough to blow him up with dynamite. rhyslcians are constantly discover ing some popular pastlmo or mode of attire that Injures health. Hut the nv crago of human life remains about the same. The "llmouslno" Is described as a cross between an automobile and a deeping car. There must be something dnliiir when a llmouslno goes Into a muck pond. We are glad to Icurn that this new germ, kunzlte. Is not a mysterious af fair at all, but Just a spodumcne, some times known as trlphane, and perfectly harmless when not hungry. President r.oosevelt says the editor Is necessary and useful. Now let him prepare to lose tho votes of "Veritas," Tro Bono Publico," "One Who Knows" and old man "Vox ropull," not to mention space writers and all egotistic correspondents to whom the editor is always an ldlotor. M. Ilocbc, French ex-minister of commerce, estimates that In the event of a general European war France must expend $0,000,000 per day during Its continuance. In 1S71 she bad to pay not only the cost of her own armies In the field but to contribute a "mill iard" of francs, or $200,000,000 as an Indemnity to Germany. For crushing the freedom 'of the Boer republics, for the dubious profits of turning uneasy neighbors Into sullen and Impoverished subjects. Great Britain spent upon the South African war $20 for every acre of the two republics. The Civil War cost the United States the additional of $2,700,000,000 to her public debt air, onco thought to be so pernicious to consumptives. Is now regarded as ono of tho host remedies. Tho treat ment Is heroic, but It works for an ap petite, and this, coupled with nourish ing food. Is sure to mane goou which Is exactly what tlio patiem wants. In fact, cold air seems to no a popular remedy Just now for many Ills. Not far from Wcllesley College Is a hospital for crippled and otherwlso de formed children. Tliese cniiurcn are living In a bamllke shack, and while nrotccted from draft they are allowed free exposure, especially at night, to plenty of pure, cold air. Tne oxpen tuent Is novel, but so far the Improve ment In the anaemic children has been marked. It may bo that civilisation will have to take a step or two linen ward In order to advance In the right direction; that some of tho luxuries now enjoyed by tho rich are not so desirable after all, and that health and tho happiness which comes rrom health are to be bought more easily than most of us dream. 4 Opinions of Great Papers on Important Subjects w It Is no longer tho fashion to blame the dime novel for the exploits of run away boys. Indian flghtiug and gold digging arc no longer the gilded paths to glory. The up-to-date- way is uu fcrent A New York letter tells that a fond uomam nioiuer unu mr mu boys restored to her nfter they hail been away for two wholo days. The boys are 14 and 10 years old respective ly. The mother blames Andrew Car negie, Charlos M. Schwab and John W. Gates for their csenpaue. -inej-had been reading," sho explained, "how Mr. Schwab started in life with a single gallus, carving cheeso In a country delicatessen shop, and how af terward he made a million a minute. Carnegie and Gates yellow literature was also attractive to them. If Mr. Carnegie could accumulate such a be wildering number of millions by start ing on a 30-ccnt capital, why not they? Not having an Iron works to sell to a shipbuilding company, the boys started to work in a laundry at $3 a week. They were agitating n vat of soiled clothes with a stick when the police found them for me." Run ning away from home to work In an honest employment Is a good many shades better than running off to Bght Indians or hold up stage coaches. Car negie and Schwab are not perfect mod els. There Is plenty In the careers of each to be criticised. If tho lives of these two men have any practical les son at all for the average boy of this commercial age, it Is that the boy and the business must grow up together, each a part of tho other. This-pair of runaway boys whom the police found "airltatlng a vat of soiled clothes with a stick" had found an opportunity and knew what to do with It If the police Ago of Retirement. E live rapidly In tho telephonic age. It has boon truthfully said that we can crown mucn more work Into the day than our most Industrious forbears did. luventlon has given us many hands. Timo and spaco have .neon coiiquereu. so ui the modern man of 00 has accomplished Infinitely more than the man who lived to tho patriarchal ago. and, from this point of view, has earned the rest which his grand father would not have dreamed of enjoying at threescore. Whether this bo so or not. many of tho finest achieve ments in business, statesmanship, literature, in all ac tMtlos, have been wrought by men long past 00. No strong man will accept 00 ns the arbitrary limit of his ambi tion and working ability. Writers who have discoursed most knowingly on the obligation of the nged to leave the active scene havo not undertaken to itlx the year for retirement. The youth who Is anxious to push his way Into the working world thinks that n man Is old at 40 and should be preparing to go on the retired list. In the fierce competitions of modem llfo It it probable that tho ago of retirement Is gradually fall Inc. The theorv Is worth tho Investigation of tho curious statistician Asked when he considered a man to bo in tho prime of life. Palmerston replied: "Soventy-nlne. but as I have entered my eighty-third year, perhaps I am myself a little past It." Such Is the view of old men on this deli cate subject. Many men retire too early, and, like the old war horse, yearn for tho march nnd the battle. Tho habit of work holds us to the accustomed cares and tasks. This ex plains why the great lawyer or the multl-mllllonairo mer chant remains nt his post long after his prime. The powers of men whose lives have been very active are likely to de cline rapidly In retirement, the result of Idleness and ennui. "Nothing Is so Injurious as unoccupied time. The hu man heart Is like a millstone: If you put wheat under it. it grinds the wheat Into flour: If you put no wheat It grinds on. but then 'tis itself It wears away." Philadelphia Ledger. constantly apt to attribute a stale of things to ono par ticular condition or mischance-, which, sooner or later, must have happened from some Inherent weakness and openness to attack. It may be noted that, where men themselves attribute 111 success or mischance to separate distinct nils takes-as. for Instance, to the choice of a certain advisor, or the engaging In some special speculation -those who have to observe them trace nil to.charaotor. They see that. If failure had not come at such a Juncture. It must Irnvo come at some other from certain (laws In the man's na turethat mistakes simply mark occasions when he was tested. We see In a career a hundred chances thrown away and wasted, not all from accident, though the actor, looking back, does not know why ho chose tho wrong ho being the lust to remember that a crisis Is the occasion for hidden faults nnd predominating Influences to declare themselves, so that his mistakes were, In a manner. Inev itable. William Mathews, In Success. It Is announced that the United States recruiting statlonss will con tinue to accept young men 5 feet 4 inches high as recruits nnd will not for the present require them to touch the mark at B feet 7 Inches. It Is pleasant to know that three Inches makes not the slightest difference In a man's ability to discharge a Krag Jorgensen, and from time Immemorial hasn't It been maintained that a Uttlo man Is more pugnacious than a big one) Llttlo men are more high-tempered; they will fight quicker and longer. It Is easy to comprehend why they do It It Is because they won't be "put on." They fear that you labor under the Impression that because they are small they are not as likely to maintain their rights with the same firmness as a bulkier man, and they mean to undeceive you. with a stick." Here's luck to this pair of boys arj the hope that the police may never nnd them in a worse dusi-ness. HANDY POCKET MEASURE. When In doubt consult your mother. That advice applies to children, gen rally, but It applies especially to girls. "four mother, young woman, has had the advantage of experience which you lack. Sho knows the ways of the world, which you do not know. You sco things from your point of view. It U necessarily a narrow point of view. Your mother knows. She has gone by the way you are coming. Happy that daughter who confides In her mother. Happy she who can go ,0 ber mother With ber little secrets and misgivings her girlish hopes and fears, and talk Of these, freely assured that mother will understand and advise tenderly ind sensibly and rightly. Happy that mother who has won and kept her laughter's confidence, who knows bow Important It is to listen sympathetical ly to her daughter's doings and plans, Happy the mother who has not driven ber daughter away by speaking of the girlish notions as "silly," and "prepos terous," or by scolding the girl's petty delinquencies. The bond between mother and daughter should never bo broken. The bond of comraderle be tween the two is a natural one. If It binds them together tho daughter's problems become the mother's prob lems and tho solution will be a wise one. "A son la a son 'till be gets wife; a daughter's a daughter all the days of her life" If tbo bond holds true. Tho old song says: "A boy's best friend Is his mother." That's true. But a mother is In a peculiar sense the best friend of a daughter. And the girl who forgets this la likely to make a mistake in lire, ask your mother. It begins to look as If consumption had had Its day. Without waiting to note what effect X-rays or any of the new forms of light may have upon de stroying It, It Is evident that tho most serious scourgo of our northern latl tude Is already more or loss under the control of physicians. In New England, whero the registration has been fairly accurate, tho decrease of tho death rate from this disease baa been 60 por cent In tho Inst half century, the rate of decrease being far more rapid In rocent years. The reports from New vrt nra to tho same effect. Where i,wks of houses were- formerly infect ed with tuberculosis conditions are so changed that the city has been nblo to reduco Its ueatn rate irum -easo nearly oue-half in tho laa.t twenty years, Strange to say, cold outside 0 Mistakes In Life. NE of tho most unprofitable ways of spending time Is the practice, to which many persons are ad dicted, of brooding over the mistakes one has made in Ufa. and thlnklnc what he might have been or chleved if be had not done, at certain times. Just what he did do. Almost every unsuccessful man, in looking over nis past career, is Inclined to think that it would havo been wholly different but for certain slips and blunders certain hasty. Ill-considered acts Into which ho was betrayed al most unconsciously and without n suspicion of their conse quences. As he thinks of all the good things of this world honor, position, power nnd Influence of which he has been de tprinus. inexplicable way. ho has no never found boys doing worse than patCnco with himself: nnd, as it Is painful and humiliating this, there might be rosier hopes for ,Q dwen lonR upon one-8 0,vn follies, It is fortuuate If he the world's future. Nobody in the ,joe9 not implicate others friends and relatives In his world has as good a chance to become 1 . snnoliituients. Tertians, ns education has never been a master of the laundry of business j free fronl mistakes mistakes, indeed, of every kind he as the boy who Is not afraid to begin imputes the blame to bis early training, in which habits by "agitating a vai 01 suutu ciuim- of thoroughness and accuracy, or, again, or seir-reiiance and Independence of thought, may not have been Implanted. Perhaps a calling was chosen for him by his parents, with out regard to his peculiar talents or tastes and preferences; or. If he was allowed to choose for himself. It was when his Judgment was Immature and uuflt for tho responsibility. The result was that the square man got Into the round hole, or the triangular man Into the square hole, or the round man squeezed himself into the triangular hole. Now, the fact Is that. In nil these mishaps, there Is nothing exceptional. They are Just what befall all, or In The uses to which a rule or tape measure can be put by those In cer tain lines of business are almost num.- IfT' 1.1 , . pnrt-every man who Is born In n clvlllied country. No habit with machln-1 .,rcUm8tances under which any man has been born and lsts, carpenters and a cnreer haT0 entIrcr linppy. . . , In others always to . , . (v,i,irni!nns. It has been tustlv said that to see a man, poker In hand, on a wet day. dashing at the coals, and moodily counting the world's mistakes against b m. Is neither n dignified nor engaging spectaclo; and our carry a measure ot this kind with them while nt work. There are limitations to the nse of both the rule and tape measure, however. In the dls- rocKETMEAsmE tance they will cover, nnd ns It Is not always convenient to carry a big line, a neat little pocket In strument has been designed to fit the need. This device Is so constructed that It will measure all flat surfaces by simply drawing It over them, Indi cating distances rrom one-eigmu nn Inch to twenty-flve feet, or by in creasing the sire of tho Instrument slightly even greater distances can oc measured. It will be seen from the Illustration that the hand traversing the outer dial reads up to twelve inches, while that on the Inner dial runs up to twenty- flve feet One particularly convenient use to which the Instrument may be put by machinists Is In measuring tho surface speed of the work in a lathe. In this connection it Is only necessary to put the measuring wheel In contact with the revolving surrace ror a mic tion of n minute, when the length of surface covered will lie found Indicat ed 'on the dial. This device Is smnll enough to carry In the pocket without inconvenience and Is much more easily operated than a foot rule or smnll tape measure, with the naueu auvuiiuigv that there is nothing to fold up when sympathy flags with the growing conviction that people are On tho Uso of tho Imng'nntton. IN a practical ago the Imagination Is apt to got less than Its duo. Wu want naked fuels, or we think w e do. and lin nslnntlvo People Insist upon clothing thorn In gay ap 1 parel; consequently whenever we lose sight of n fact we suspect tho Imagination of having run oft with It. and raise the hue and cry with a tine Indignation ngalnit tlio deceiver. Yet to the art of living, ns to every subordinate art. Imagination Is tho one Indispensable quality, l'or lack of It wo full not merely In sympathy and courtesy. In toleration, In all the minor graces, but even In actual truthfulness of thought nnd doniounor. So far Is It from reality to consider Imagination ns the enemy of fact, thnt without It no fact can be properly apprehended, much loss shured with our neighbors. The greatest fact of soolnl life Is the fact that wo are nil different, and It follows from this that without the power to picture a different mind from our own we are Incapable of communicating the simplest feeling. ... If you define Imagination as the faculty of seeing what Is not there, you may take away Its character without contradiction: but this Is tho perverse description of statisticians; the poet that lives In each of us knows better. . . . And If we come down to tho amenities, the small change of life, tho Imagination calls to us ceaselessly for employment. Formal courtesies are base money, passed alwmt nmong stupid peoplo only until they are found out: the courtesies that will stand every test, nnd pass current In all emergencies, must Io the fruits of a genuine trnfllc between mind and mind, In which every Interest Is active and every want Is taken Into account. And this can only bo got by sending tho Imagination on Its travels for us. Ixindon Guardian. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS I'AHAQUAI'HS FROM 1HU OOMIO I'AI'EHB. ricasiint liicldtnW (IvcurrliiB " World Over-Kujfliiu'Umt Are (.'liter fill to Old ur Yuiniu -I'uiiiijt Hclrc Hum that livery lml Will Kujoy. A painful Interview had Just been pulled nit In the woodshed. 'Now. sir." said tun stem parent ns ho hung the old trunk sirup on a null, "you stand corrected." "I ,1 do," sobbed the youthful victim, "n nnd I w won't bo n able lo sll ceor rccted for a w-wook." Nlit Vi. a Hustler. "George." snld the lo.ip your girl who mount business. "I love you dourly Will vnu bo iny husbnnd?" Why er- thin Is so s-sudileti," stammered George. "(1 glvo me tlmo to think." "Well," she rejoined, as she looked at her watch, "think quick. The last car 1s duo In llftwn minutes." A ltefnue. Ill, jou fellows, couiu nnd havo a game. Here's a liorso uiai can 1 uu his tnIL" Nn l-'ntlll of liar. Mrs. riatlelgh I was surprised to hear that you didn't keep n girl. Why Is It? Mrs. Suburbs 1 don't know, I'm sure. I hlro enough or tiieui. uui wiey Iniply refuse to stay." w Tho Chief language. 1TII the Increasing Intercourse of tho natlom the old question of a unhcrsal language comes up at least In the Germnn mind affording n topic of discussion. Tho tendency toward a common tongue Is and has been for years most strongly marked by the spread of the Kngllsh language. Mulhall's statistics of n dozen years old (being the latest available) show tho spread of languages for tho first ninety years of tho last century. At the beginning of tho century tho languages of Europe were sjiokcn by lui.OOO.OuO people. In 18'JO they were spoken by 40t.ono.0u0, an Increase of nearly 100 per cent. The four principal languages In IK01 were French. Russian, German nnd Spanish. The French amounted to 10.4 per cent nnd tho Spanish to 10.2. English-speaking peoples amounted to only 12.7. But In 1850 the standing was: Kngllsh, 27.7 per cent; Russian nnd German, each IS 7 per cent; French, 12.7 per cent; Spanish, 10.7 per cent, and tho remainder divided between Italian and Portuguese. The number of Kngllsh-spenklng people had grown from 20,520.000 to 111,100,000, Oerninu and Ilusslan-speaklng peo plo from about 30,000.000 to 75.OiiO.O0O each, and French speaking people from 111,450,000 to 61, 00.010. Tho Kngllsh language hnd risen from fifth to first place, and was spoken by at least 50 per cent more people than nny other Kuropenn tongue. Of the Increase of about 01,- 000.000 Kngllsh-speaklng people, about 70.000,000 were In the United States. Indianapolis News. H-H-H 1 I !"K EXPLORING THE NIGER. In connection with certain French military maneuveta In the Sudan the question was raised not long ago of tho practicability of revlctuallng an army in the region south of the Sahara by means of the Niger. Theorists disa greed. Lieutenant Hourst who had come down tho river, said it could not be done. Captain Toutee, who hnd gone up, said It could. There was but one way to settle the dispute. Cap tain Lenfant was ordered to take ten thousand boxes of provisions and two thousand of equipment to the mouth of tbo Niger, load the material Into bateaux, deliver sev enty tons ot supplies on tho bank at Nlamo, whence It would bo borne over land to Colonel Peroz at Lake Tchad, and with the remainder to revlctual all posU along tho river from Say to As ongo, the latter about two thousand ratios up and above tbo last Important rapid. For this tremendous task Captain Lefant was assigned two lieutenants and about forty negroes, but was able carried seventy-three hundred feet In three minutes and twenty seconds, nnu accomplished In a few hours what had taken a mouth In ascending. On the second trip Captain Lenfnnt was seriously ill; but although there was a hospital only a few hours down stream, and the nearest up-stream doctor was sixty days nhead, he fought off the fever and accomplished his mission. - On his route and In a canoo trip on tho upper river he collected a mass of vnlunble Information, charting the floods apd examining soils nnd crops. He visited cities that were populous three centuries ago, and nro Just recov ering from tbo prostration which fol lowed when the slave trado swept away their people. Ho found them Say, OaoGao, and many others eager for commerco with tho outside world. the measure has been taken, rhe rcc-1 m wag reQUlrtK, to fortlf a ora can uibo uu uiurukw In metric measure, If desired, nnd when the full twenty-flve feet have been measured It will automatically repeat. Golfer Burprlcd, A golfer, with a bundle of golf clubs base of operations at Arenberg What tho Intrepid soldier undertook when, with twenty bateaux, bo began the ascent of the river, can best be un derstood when ono realizes that the Niger for a thousand miles fulls over rapid after rapid. Its waters are torn under his arm. was hurrying along a o 6cas of fonm by lnnutncrabIo rockSi side street to the links when a house wife standing at her door accosted him "Man, but ye're late," she said. "Yes," said the gol'cr. a little sur prised, "but I'll have tlmo for one round yet." "Ay," said tho woman, "but ye maun mind there's twa." "Two what?" usked tho golfer, In astonishment "Twa chimneys. Are ye no' tho sweep?" Too Bluoh for Poor Lo. and the channel Is often lost among dividing Islands. Many of theso rap Ids aro In deep gorges, and In some of them tho river fulls ono hundred times ns rapidly as tho Mississippi lo Its usual flow. Starting up stream at low water, when tho rapids aro nt their worst, Contain Lenfnnt urged his boats for- wurd with oars and sails and setting poles. Guided by negroes who proved themselves trustworthy, competent, and nt times oven heroic, nnd aided by numbers of friendly blacks pulling An Indian caught bis first glimpse 011 long tow lines, no conquereu iuo uu- . 1 A ta ,!,, i stucles without nil ncciuenr. am uio WUY UU UU BUUIIUlJU, graphed tho dangerous places, and made a report which would enablo an near the territory lino. Ho looked into tho stove and all he could see was a pile of red-hot bricks, through the crevices of which the blue flames were curling. He said nothing, but before starting home he went to a yard nnd bought a lot of brick and hauled them home. Ho burned up six boxes of matches and nil the dry wood his wlfo bad cut trying to get tho bricks to burn and finally hauled tbem back and told the yard taan they wero "no ; Rood." army to follow where he had gone. At Arenberg ho divided his stores, nnd having assigned his white aids their tnsks, went on against the rising flood to Nlamo, put tho seventy tons ashore, and then, with his chart to guide him, shot the rapids down stream to his base. At the falls of Patassl, where his colored guide, Lanclne, took tho boats through In turn, they wero WITH HUMAN BAIT. Captnro of a 5Ian-Katln Tlaer In an Kant Indian Junsle. Major L. J. Iluck, during a visit to Calcutta a fow years ago, was Inform ed by the natives that a ferocious man- eating tiger had terrorized tho Calcutta district. The villagers had named It tho "Striped Death," and Major Ileck became anxious to see the remarkable beast, especially as he had recently re ceived a letter from n famous Kuro- pcan animal dealer who wanted a largo malo tiger, and who commissioned him to procure ono for him If possible. In the IJoston Herald Major Heck tells tho startling story of securing the beast. He employed Kemachunda Dhnss and his brother Ghunga, noted huntsmen, to help hlra. For two weeks we worked In vain, snys Mr. Hock. At last we sot up n great trap In the Jungle. It was on tho same plan as a mouse trap wherein hangs bait to tempt the mouso to enter. When the weight of tho mouso presses on the floor of tho trap tho door springs shut and makes him a prisoner. Tho tiger trap was a hugo wooden cage. Tho bait was to bo a goat, hung up In tho cage by the hind leg. The Bound of Its bleating was expected to draw the Striped Death to the spot. I doubted the strength of the trap, so Ohunga, after fastening the door open, stepped Inside and, began to strengthen the bars In their sockets. I withdrew several yards distant and sat down In tho shade. Ilcmachunda rested ueajj me. Then came tho tragedy. A gleam of tawny fur shot out from the side of tho yungle farthest from us. Before either Itomachunda or I could soring to our feet tho Striped Death had sprung through the proppod-open door upon Ghunga Dtiass. Tbo village wept over tho dead man. All except his wife. "It Is tlmo to weep when tho slayer Is ruptured," she said. "Tho Striped Heath must bo cap Hired, not slain. Let him be made cap tlvo and grlnucd nt In n cage. That Is worse than death to such as he. It Is my right to catch htm." Then sho unfolded her plan. Tho trap was to be strengthened, and a par tition fastened midway across It. On tho side nearest tho open door a laml was to be bung. On tlio opposlto side tho widow was to sit with her child In her arms. Tlio Idea scorned Uo horri ble. She 'was determined, however, nnd nt lust wo yielded. That night tho huge trnp was fixed In tho clearing, and tho woman with n fretful child In nrms crouched within It, soothing her baby's cries with 110 more fear In her volco than If she uad been safe at home. From n trectop wo watched, and ai last tho Striped Death appeared. At sight of the trap and Its human bolt, which ho had doubtless tracked for miles by scent aim sounu, ne gauiercu himself together for n spring, and launched himself full at tlio cage. Ho did not note tho cloning of tho door behind him, nor tho struggling Inmb that almost brushed his nose ns ho passed. Ills only thought was o the woman nnd child, as he leaped madly against tho barrier. Cunningly nnd deftly uomncnunun began to pass a rawhldo rope through tho bars about tho tiger's struggling body, and In half an hour tho Striped Death was bound, enmeshed and help less. ltv I.min ami lloumti (Iyer Time will probably go much faster this year thnn It did last Mjer 1 lent uso why? (Iyer lleciiuso this Is leap year, Sec? A Htiilileu CliMiiut. Hlgglns Do you believe thnt any person's hair ever turned gray In si rn.ii- night? Wlaler Oh. I don't know. Slmuli think It might linppon. Onco I knew young woman's hntr which turned from nil tn guidon In n single day. It was the day shecamo Into a fortune. Huston Trnusorlpt. A JWnll .Man. Three women stood before him and glared at the paper ho held In front of his somcwimt sanguine face. At length ho half arose and said: Take this sent, muilain." Tho threo- women looked nt ono nn- other. "1 mean the elderly lady," ho added. All the women turned tlielr eyes upon the advertising cards nnd lux-amu Intently Interested In tliiir contents. Then the man slipped IkicIc mm his sent and resumed his rending. Cleve land Plain Dealer. Not at All "-trunire. There Was a Lapse. Commander Wulnwrlght, who was on tho Mulno when It was blown up off Havana, tells of n vivid account of tho disaster given by one of tho "Juckles." Tho snllor hnd been wound cd, nnd was In tho hospital at Key West. Ho was asked what ho know of tho explosion. "Wen, sir," replied tho sailor, "I can't say that I knows much of It. I was n-corkln' It off In mo hummock, sir, when I hears li of n nolso! Then, sir, tho nurso says, 'Sit up an' take this.' " Now York Tribune. Sluilo No Dirfi-renoe. "I suppose Llzzlo Olotlmer Is glad It Is leap year," said tho aoft-spokon Hclolso. "I don't suppose It makes much dif ference to her," replied the mellow- toned Irene, "fiho has been Jumping nt every chnnco she saw for fifteen years." Judge. l'rndiidt of Moat and Grain. Since 18-10 the world's production of meat has Increased 57 per cent and grain 420 per cent A 0..,inlMllilll HnlllUCP. Pessimist Thou ynu still hiivo fiilth In Immunity? OntlinlMt--()f nilliso: llieio lire mi,- IKHUKHI people. In this country, and I .... . . .. ... .. ...I... I... still nn vo ruiin in iiiii nun", played mo any menu Hicks. "Trill... Miss Inqulsltlvc-What uio you Inughlng nt? Mr. Illiint Nothing itiisoiiuciy nothing. Miss Inquisitive Olll liu mi re lieved. 1 f wired you wrro laughing ut me. Mr. Illiint Nuvcr four. I seldom laugh nt Hi III-. An ICmi-Pilln ICwotor It Is always Into that If you want n thing well ilouo you must do It yourself. Knox llnw about an operation upon yourself for nppcmllcillsT Philadel phia Press. To Culcli Ilia l.adUa. Shoo DcillcrDldn't I loll ymi (o mark those ladles' shoos down ono hutf? Now Clerk Yes. sir; I wits Just look ing to see what the original prices w ore. Slum Dealer Prices? Who said any thing about prices? Maik down tho hIsi-s. Muko the "slurs" "throes" and so 011. Philadelphia Press. (Wrrliranl nn Ilia I'ond. K nn 1 1 Don't you think n man Is slow when he takes fifteen mlnulns to fasten on a girl's skntcs? Her Friend Well, If the girl Is pret ty I should say ho would bu slow If he didn't take thnt lung. Unpopular, ltnddlck Thoy suy tho Indies In that apartment house nro not pleased with those patent spring doors that won't statu. Van Albert -I should say not. They hnvo no way of displaying their tem pers. ((at IWaaon. Gunner I son soiuu woman's chili Is going to dispense with men when dancing. Guyor That's easily explained. They cnu't find any who care to dalico nny more. Com iiilllrd. "Hut." sntd tlio merchant to tho ap plicant, "you don't furnish any refer ence from your Inst place." "You needn't worry nliout that," re plied thn man with the close cropped bond and prison I'nllnr, "1 wouldn't I mi hero now If II hndu't been fur my good bchuvlor In my Inst plan-" Philadel phia Pre. He ratUd lllm Down. Mr. Kinisty - So ymi want to be my Miii lii Inw, eh? Charley Well. I'm not so particular about that. All I wunt U to marry your daughter. Too Manx "Do you read innny novels?" nsknd our lady correspondent of her vlsllor from tlio country. "Oh, yes, n guild many," wns tho reply. "Hnvo you ever rend 'Ten Thousand n Year?' " - "lird bless us, inn'ntn, no," an swered the astonished visitor. "I nev er road ns many ns that In iny wholo life." HoHtou Traveler. "Why. William, I'm. surprised!' "It's mutual, ma; It's mutual," Ilia Own I.I 1 1 lei I'alllr. HI Tragerdy You don't look very well this morning, old innii, Ixiwo Comordy No, I was the vic tim of a flro pnulc Inst night HI Tragordy What! I hadn't heard of It I)we Comordy Oh, no. You see, I experienced tho panic when I heard 1 was going to ho fired, but I learned this morning thnt It was a mistake. Philadelphia Press. Accounting for It 'I can't understand love at first sight." 'Why, It Is duo to tho fact that love la blind." Judgo. A Natural Mistake. The passenger has been lying back In his seat half dozing, for an hour or so, whon tho train slowly pulls into the yards at tho outskirts of the great city. Btlll In tlio bordorland between sleep and waking, tho passenger looks from tho window. His glnnco fulls upon a hugo freight cor on n siding, Ono look at tho display of foot-high let. ters on tho freight car Is enough. The passengor fumbles In his pocket nnd yells: "Hero, boy! Ilrlng mo ono 0' thosu extras." Judge. Vary Nervy. Star Hoarder Tho lundludy objects to you complaining ubout tho faro. Sho says all the food she serves Is ncrvo food. Mr. Kicker I don't doubt her asser tion. It takes a great deal of ncrvo to serve such food ns this. BeK-I'rot.ctlon, Tom Whatl Eating onions? thought you detested them? Jack So I do. Tom Then why nro you eating them? Jack I'm going to a leap year ball to-night Boo? Chicago News. Not Hafe I'.tsii Thru. "Did old Gotrox kick ynu out of the house whon you asked for his daughter?" "No, but ho broke my oar drum." "liir drum? Why, ho surely didn't kick ynu In tho lirncIV" "No; I asked him over tho tele phone." Cincinnati Times Star. Tfirae lllisr Huts, "Smllhers says ho hasn't got up to glvo his M-ut to n lady In a street cur for a month." "Ami I always thought Kiullhcrs tho most pollto mini nllvo." 'Oil. he's (Hillto cuuogh. He Just hndu't hnd the scut to give." Cincin nati 'limes Star. (Irnvo I'lltrra. "Sir," said tho mnii whoso knees shook when tho train entered a tunnel, "do ynu know the most dnugcrous thing on n rnllroud train?" "Yes," responded the guy drummer, "It Is tho clgnrs the train boy sells." Vivid limiuliiiitlnn, Sho So you are 11 professional hu morist? How delightful It must bo to eurn a living writing Jokosl Ho Yes, er I always Imagined It would be, I'utiirs Alillllj. "Wo'vo got a Hue new talking ma chine up ut our house." "That so? Hun by n spring?" "No; by nlr. It's a girl baby." Cin cinnati Times-Hlar. i:iullu Marblo. In ono account of Homo tho nulhor mentions tlvo or six slabs of elastic marblo us being In the possession of the Piliico Horghese. Helng sot 011 end they bend buckwurd and forward. When laid horizontally and raised nt oud they form a curve. If placed on n talilo and n piece of wood or any other BUbstnm-o is laid under them thoy fall Into n kind of curve, each end touching tho table. Tho Abbo Fortls wns told thnt they wero dug up near tho town of Mondrngon, lit tho king dom of Nuples, Tho grain Is like that of lino Cnrrarn iiiurblo or pcrhnps of tho finest Greek, Thoy tteem to hnvo suffered somo attack of lire. A Hluli of murblo similar In every respect to Ihosa described nnd highly polished has been exhibited for yours nt tho llrltluh Museum. M. Flciivinn do Hoi vao uucccdcd In making common gran ular quartz completely lleillilo by ex posing It to n certain degree of , heat In Lincoln cathedral, Kuglnnd, thorn Is nn arch built of whlto marblo which Is qulta clastic, yielding to n heavy tread nnd returning or rebounding to Its original position 011 truo cIuhUo principles.