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About Bohemia nugget. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1899-1907 | View Entire Issue (June 5, 1903)
TOPICS OF THE TIMES. X soft nimver often mnkcth n man lick. .- Thomas A. Edison's ptpo still seems (o bo burning. Women will toll yon that they "aim' t truth. Perhaps that is why they do tiot tilt the target. Tho first clgnr and the first baby nro alike you wondjr why othtr people levin to like them. If Hcttr Green hait only been Bus sell Sage's wife, then both of them would now bo satisfied with lire. "Speaking of unhappy lots." remarks tho Ilaltlmoro American, "what about tho graveyardr Usually tho fence. The Chicago police raided ten get rich-ouick concerns In one week. What a strenuous job, this keeping the fool and his money together. When revolutionists kill n President In Honduras they cnll It an accident. probably because of the well-known fact that accidents will happen. It must have come easy for Adam when he wished to flatter Kve. Ho could call her tho fairest of her sex without bothering, his conscience In the least. ' There are a few people who strug gle nil their lives In the hope that some day they may be wealthy enough to exude aphorisms on how to attain suc cess. Tho typical American public official never seems to doubt that he Is chosen to make a judicious selection of which laws ought to be enforced and which Ignored. Every sheriff or police chief Is his owu legislator nowadays. Love of gambling In one form or an other seems to be In the American blood and the American boy Is easily led astray by temptations to "take cliances" on the various gambling schemes that bavo been allowed to bo come a part of tho ordinary merchan dise of the shops that he frequents. These things should be put out of the reach of our school children. Marksmen are born, not made, as Horace might have said. A man who had been In the navy only three weeks was a member of one of the crews manning a six-pound gun on a recent target practice cruise of the Texas. Ho aimed tho gun the first time be had ever done such a thing and hit the target at a thousand yards. Then, just to show that It was not luck, he hit the target nine times more in succession. Henceforth he was John Green llriuly. To make n long story short, the boy went through the grades and high school nt the head of his classes. Partly by his own efforts and aided partly by J ml go Green, ho went through Yale College. Then he was sent as a missionary to Sitka, Alaska. Ho became the tcst loved man In that country and was appointed Governor. Hoy, young man, whoever you arc: Turn toward tho world a brave and smiling fare and hold up your chin! And woman: Tho turning of that street waif "llrady" was a nobler mir acle, and as great, as that which turned the water Into wine. OPINIONS OF GREAT PAPERS ON IMPORTANT SUBJECTS Working Without System. MAN who does forcible work must dismiss n sub' ject from his mind when ho Is done with It. This Increases tho grasp and power of tho mind and keeps It ol,vlr for (Minpotitrntlrili im.m th.t thlhir mulct. itn. Not so long ago an Instructor at an ,ulcratIon. Nothing can bo accomplished with half a mind; A eastern university said to his class, "Always have a good book by you to read when you ought to bo doing some thing else." This, like many other epl grams. Is not n rule rigidly to be fol lowed. Tho Idea finds fuller cxpres slon In somo recent advice from Sen ntor Hoar: "lie diligent In your busi ness, but not diligent to the exclusion of everything else. Head, Take some good author and soak yourself In blm. The mail who does but one thing well man." It Is not right to read when one ought to be doing something else. but It Is right to set aside some part you must concentrate or focus nil your powers upon the thing you are doing. This you can never do when things by the score nro half settled In your mind, continually obtruding themselves for consideration, and hindering the thought of present problems. When you have anything In hand, settle It. Do not look at It, lay It down, then look at somethlug else and lay that down also, but settle things as you go along. It Is a thousand times better to make nn occasional mlstnke than never to settle anything, but be always balancing weighing and considering many things nt n time. i.. ..i . i i. . ..... i ... ....,.... ..,.,. I. nnlv n nl,nJ1rml mi.n nr n,l " " UIUUKIU u.e.l w.i.Ml. it. m.jcct men .... ... . Is handled, so to speak, with the tips of the mental lingers, never amounts to anything. You must selzo and grasp with nil your might the thing you nio attempting, and do It of the waking hours, when the mind """ ""r " ' ",s ,u "r "" Is fresh enough to grapple with good of sI'orlorlty when completed Another defect In your Ideas, and use it In work of a different work; h,h1 "'"V01" ,1,e, ")nU '"r"1 "ed' ls uro ,0 kind from Hint which wo do for llr. ,,u'"nl '"K- ir me impress in iiicuiu i.w i,i .n.. pleteness, and seems nlways to lows something, tlon Is Intellectual, this secondary ,f M overcome these defects you might be suc work should be labor with the hands. hri. for you really possess great ability, but lack ilotl- But for most people It might well con- 'Htf"s. i-viuenuy your mum nns not iieen trained to slst In reading good magaxlnes or c"udc. There has been carelessness In your education hoot. Thoro nro.o.nnnvri.p.mimrt. somewhere. It may be partly the fault of your teachers et editions of standard works that the or vour I""1'" "t calling your attention In early life equipment for such reading Is neither to ,hoso deficiencies. If this had been done tho task of expensive nor cumbersome. One's wrr"-"uu "oulu ' otsier imp u is now. out me principal occupation Is supposed to fill fau,ts war 8,111 overcome If proper diligence bo usod.- tho pockctbook. That other pocket ou-s- book, a copy, of an English classic. Is a treasury always full. This reading, then, ls not merely the lighter sort done for relaxation In the hours of rest. It la work of an Important kind Every man owes It to society not only to earn bread, but to be an Intelligent citizen, with Ideas on life and knowl edge of affairs. To fulfill this duty he reads, and to make the reading cf OUJt UUDtJKT Otf JOT, HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO INGS HERE AND TMLHB. and clear. In hrrgo factories. It ls stated that nn unpleasant day will reduce the output by It) per cent. Again, con tinued hot weather Invariably brings forth n crop of crimes of passion, whllo tho summer Is nlso the season most pro lific of suicide. Italu seems to exert a deterrent effect on weight. Jukes mid JnkrlcU that Are Funimncil to IUto Hern Itcreiitly Iliirii-Hujliius unit Hi, Inn" Unit Arutllili Cur. mis mid l.ituuliitlile-Tlie Week's Humor. Postal Clerk -You'll havo to put mi' other stamp on that letter. Miss Pert- Why! Postal Clerk-llecauso It's over- Th Clever Cabbr. It Wits n busy thoroughriiri) In Kitlii litlrgli, null ns tho old Inily was ex hausted with tho stir mid hustle shu lialli'il n passing cnli, Tho driver was at her side In a iiioiui'iil, Opiuliig tho door, he stood back Id allow tho lady to enter. Mho made otio or two weak efforts, I inn was uniiiiiiT in minim mi) "it'll, and nt last, looking imploringly at mo driver, she said: "Help mil In, my good man, for I am very old." The driver gently assisted his faro Into tho cab, mid then tin gallantly said: Well, mem, nao matter what ago crime, and fewer deeds of violence nro committed on cloudy dnya than on bright ours. Whatever there may be said to tho contrary, tho fact Is undeniable that climate Inlltiences to n remarkabla degree character and conduct. -Medical Heoord. Miss Port Hut. graclmisl Another you are, yuu dlnna look It." stamp would make It still heavier. Miiguslno of Humor. Si His fare was Increased by n shilling when the old lady reached her ilestl tuition. And ho deserved It. Answers. Ultra Cn re I ii I with Ills Ail In. Jnliii.mil is verv careful how he Cartful Tniiiiitjr. handles his new auto. Isn't hoY" 'Toiumyl" cried 'lummy mollier t'nrcfut? Why. lie's positively foul- from the window, "iinili l l ten you tsh Unit wnv. lie's gut so ho won't not to all down on llituiniup grtiuniw run over a large liiilli beniuse of the "Yes, inatnma," returned Tommy. "I Improved Country Life O.MIi of the most actlvo and hrnlny business nud l.mfncatminl tiuti In fli. nttlita oimii, illl-n.it fl-imi tllil farms, without capital save healthy minds and stem-'Jolt to the iniiehlnery."-ivnn;is i;ny inn tuning u. i vtiptu . m wnu achs nud strong ambition. Heine eager and able. Journal. n towel before I sal down. -I llta- they have worked their way to the top. And yet tho fact bi leprosy. an medical surprise follows another. What seemed more unlikely than that mosquitoes arc the cause of malaria and yellow fever? And yet such Is the fact now universally accepted. And who would have thought that the foremost cause of leprosy, the most dread ed of diseases. Is the eating of unwhulesomo fish? And yet, when this cause Is once suspected n multitude of "" . . ... I. , . fectlvo he must approach It as serious V " "I " .w " i. . fact. It seoms that where leprosy prevails, as In Palestine. Norway, Nova Scotia and Hawaii, fish Is a large Item of food. This does not mean that tlsh. fresh or well cured. though joyous labor. Politicians declared twenty years ago thn thn rofifm nf thrt rlrll snrtrlm nn the lines urged by the advocates of tho !s unhealthy, nor that leprosy Is not. In a. way. contagious; merit system was impossible. Party lut n,,ercly ,Int flsh ,)mIly cumI ,s a uIsI")ms cause of organizations were necessarr. ther " ' ""i jw uvcunie said, and such organizations could not 1 maUf.r ot V, . c:" !?CP' ,1,ut " ' one of ,luwe . mi.nini .iih,i n.tn.. .- suggestions which have possible validity and which will the nartv workers were not to be ro. bo Vxe occasion of very careful luvestlgntlon. with the i, ,i, . , m .. good Hope that another dreaded disease will be first under ...v. iu.,iuv, n.iu uiiiuiii-u. 1 u.ii in iviial we liave In large measure done with typhus fever and ycl contrary to the genius of American 'v fe"r' .an,d " poc ,0.do wl,n malttrla and consumption .,; , ...... 1 . , . cw York Independent, lmi.vui lusiuuuuua. vuij iul' luvel crate spoilsman, of whom there are must not be lost sight of that all country boys who go to the city do not succeed. Pomo of the poorest of tho poor In tho city nro from the country. In tho slums will be found those who abandoned fnrm life under the Impression that n mere move In the city would mean good living If not wealth and ease. Such iiorsons would not succeed any where. They have not the capacity fur success. I.tfe In the country, on the farm, however. Is not so Isolated nnd cheerless ns In former days. Good roads, the dally newspaper, the bicycle, tho rural free delivery of mall, tho Improved country school, tho telephone, tho neigh borhood church, hare each contributed to lightening nnd brlghteulng ltfo In the-country. Tho farmer and his fam ily are now enabled to keep In touch with tho outsldo world, and ns a matter of fact are generally better In formed with respect to current events of tho world than the average city family occupying relatively n similar position ns respects I limine and social status. Those who live In the country read nnd remember. Those who live In tho city oftener than otherwise rend nnd forget, because there are so many things to demand their attention. And the Improvement of country conditions Is steadily progress lug. They are much better now than they were ten years ago. nnd they will be better ten years hence than they are now. This ought to have the effect of decreasing the drift from the country to tho city, nud It 110 doubt will do so. Meanwhile, we say let the country boys of brains and capacity come to the city. There Is room and n demand for them. No city ever hnd too many country boys of the right sort. They are the mainstay of the country. May the rewards of their merit never bo Icssl-Savnunah News. When street railways begin to run sleeping" cars they will have invaded every Held occupied by the steam rail ways. In some parts of the country freight ls carried In trolley cars; In New lork City express cars are run nnder a street railway franchise; and last month a Massachuscttsstrcet rail way owner ordered a combination par lor, sleeping and dining car, which Is to be run over the street railway tracks. He expects soon to be able to go to New York and to Iloston by trot ley. The startling statement is made In Minneapolis that of the forty-one prls oners In the Hennepin County Jail not one ls above 23 years of age. The condition that brings about this state Df affairs ls worth while Inquiring Into. A Hennepin County Judge, comment ing upon the situation, says that be be lieves the Increase of crime among young men Is due to their being forced out of many sources oXcmploymcnt by girls. The one thing certain ls the fact that there are more young men occupying) cells in Jails and pen! ten tiarles than there were a few years Bgo, and It behooves those persons who Interest themselves In criminology to Inquire Into the conditions that have brought about this Increase In the criminal tendencies of young men. The cost of extra knots of high speed was elucidated by recent experiments with a new armored Urltlsb cruiser. Cape of Good Hope, of 14,100 tons. On her eight-hour trial sho made a mean speed of 23.05 knots. Her coal expenditure for various speeds was plotted with surprising results. To go from 11.5 knots to 23 knots needed, roughly, 20,000 additional horse power, whllo tho last knot nlono absorbed 8,021 horse power. That Is to say, to progress from 22 to 23 knots needed as much power ns tho total required to drive tho ship at about 10 knots; or, to put It In still another way, the power needed to drive the Capo of Good Hope at full speed would propel two similar vessels nt about 10 knots. The coal consumption at full speed was, roughly, twenty-six tons per hour; at 10 knots, about 11 tons per hour. Again, at full speed tho ship would steam 0.85 knot for each ton of coal burned, whllo at 10 knots the dis tance would bo doublo for a similar consumption of fuel. John Green llrady, the governor of Alaska, has never known the name of his father or mother. Years ago when ho was a street gamin In Now York city, selling newspapers and blacking shoes, ho wns Just "llrady," So tho other street arabs called him. One day with a carload of city waifs ho was hipped out West Judge Green, of In diana, saw the carload of boys and told his wife nbout tho Invoice of youngsters. Bho thought they ought to take one. "Very well," said tho Judge, "I'll pick out tho toughest speci men of tho lot." -Ho selected "Brady," Now, In homely phraseology, "y0u cau't never tell what may become of a lousy calf," Mrs. Green got hold ot tho boy's heart Her refining Influ ence soon had Its effect on tho young barlmrlau. Ho saw tho world would give him n chauco. Ambition spoko to few left, holds this view to-day. So great ls the change that has como about In the sentiment, not only of the politicians, but of the general pub lic, that little attention was attracted As to Climate ond Character. LI MATE has an undoubted Influence on the charac ter. Persons take from atmospheric conditions nnd surroundings many of their mental attributes; tlicy seem to absorb Into their bclni; Roir.eihlnir nl.-h. in 11,.. iu u,e miuuuiivciinui u me uuuuuai .Miniate ami environment. Tuoeborn nnd reared In a rucired Civil bervlce Commission that it had Hd and bleak country arc generally rugged, hardy and stern extended tho rules so as to cover Into themselves, while those brought up Itf a rich, warm and the classified service all appointive po- cental cllmate-and surroundings are tlu.mm.l. c,,n. , n...vua " -4..oo.j vwUuiu u, renpfivus. easv-coinr naiure. 'ine iintinn rrim nr. utm.t. The first Civil Service Commission put lrd. of a recent date, discusses the subject and says: "In less than U.000 places In the classified lands of the sun. where the earth offerj the necessities nnd service to bo filled by competitive ex- luxuries of life almost without labor, man Is sapped of uuiiuauuu. uuuiuvt uaa grown i energy, anil leads a lotos existence. No effort Is demanded until more than 112.000 were so filled af him. and the canacltv to do dwindle within hi... n prior 10 uie mini rcruuuu 01 me rules, lolls sensuously In the lap of nature, a materialist and wuicii umi lui-reuBi-u wo uumoer uy without ambition. some tnousanas more. A slmllnr re- A temperate, bracing climate Is the riiost healthy, both iu uiuiuK uiipwui- ior uouy ana minu. The strong air Imparts force of char- ineuw nan uet,-u Boiug on in many ictor as well as nower of limb. No one In Biin.rinr n n.m. cities and 8tates. resulting In the pherle conditions: It affects all. though sometimes uucon transformation or tno executive ofM- sclously. Investigations In schools show that ....mi. tcio 11 iui"i iuuukcis, ur eui- auie to ao Hie r best work when tho wemlier u nni.i --I... IMUJUiCUl ufctruia, iuiv vuicieui UUU11D19- I trators. AH concerned hnvo profited by the change. Besides freeing the ex ecutive officers from the pest of place hunters, tho reform has opened the door of public service to every young man capable of doing bis work better than bis competitor. He does not have lo follow a party leader about and plead for appointment, but after he gets on the eligible list he Is likely to be selected to fill the first vacancy. In any list of bloodless revolutions the I a 10 inin WILLIAM K. VA London weekly big handlrnp to 1 to nmbltton ns n As to Inherited Wealth. VNDEItllILT Is thus quoted In a paper: "Inherited nenlth Is a happiness. It Is as certain death rocnlue Is to morality. If a man makes money, no matter how much, he finds a certain happiness In Its possession, for In the desire to Increase his business ho has constant use for It. Hut the man who Inherits It has none of this. The first satisfaction and the greatest, that of building the foundation of a fortune. Is denied him. He must labor. If he does labor, simply to ndd to what may be an over-sutllclency. " Why should Inherited wealth be "a big handicap to. hap piness?" Why must the possessor of it labor "simply to add to what may be an ovcr-sulllclcncyj" Why should a tu.m who gets millions from his father be unable to make himself the architect of his own happiness? Great wealth Implies great care. It also Implies nn opportunity to do good that Is denied to people of inoro restricted means. Tho opportunity to do good Implies tho certainty of a re turn In the truest and most lasting kind of happiness, the happiness that Is born of doing unto others even ns you would that they shou'd do unto you. Instead of being "cer tain death to ambition" Inherited wealth ought to glvo to ambition the very highest nnd noblest stimulation. It ought to encourage men who can think nt all, to think less of themselves nnd more of others, to Invest their mon ey not with the des'jo of simply adding to what may be an over-sulllclency. but to ndd to, the sum of humnn happl ncss and contentment by lessening the sum of human misery and Ignorance. The rich man who spends his money, acquired cither through Inheritance or thrift, entire ly upon himself nnd upon his Immediate family, deserves to feel that the hypertrophy of his bank account Is "a big handicap to happiness." If he wants to feel differently he may do so through a very simple and obvious cholce. IJrooklyn Eagle. A Mutter nt Wslulit, burg Press. Union Ilia Ural. "Ill order tu bo sucecsnful these days," ri marked tho west side philosopher, "11 young man should apply hlmn'lf constantly." That's me," rejoined the youth with the short nliT salary. "Po been call ing nil an lu-lrras every livening fur three iiiuutlis." MUllitilaratnod, "Sir, you look like nn optimist. Yuu have n I nippy countriiiiuce. IaiiiiI mo a dollar." ".My friend, do you know why I look happy? It's liecnuso I haven't any wealth to bother mo."Clovelund Plain Denier. She Have you derived much bene fit from cycling. Mr. Pounds?" lie oh yes. Why. I'm much thin tier th.in 1 was!"- Punch. A Writer of Nnmeiise. "My dear friend, allow 1110 to Intro duce to yuu .Monsieur X., n man who writes more nonsense than anyone living." "1 see, he's a Journalist!" ".No. he's 11 legislative sleuogrnpher.' Paris Plgtiru. (loud Practice. Mr. Gunner I tell you this automo bile Is hard to control. I should have tried to manage souielhlng unruly bo fore I called myself it chauffeur. Mrs. Gunner (sweetly) -Why didn't yon try the rook? Tn Ita Ilatrlmtilt. "One thing can h mild ntKiut our nperti houses." remarked the Obavrver of Events and Things: "too much at tention seems to havo been given tu the acoustic pru'rtle of the boiea." Yonkers .Statesman. Pete Might Have Proved an Alibi. Ah doan' b'lleve In convlctln' any man on suhcumstanshal evidence," said the deacon to a New York Trlb- man. Dnt'a rich " .ill ITnclo Xml. "Ah establishment of the merit system In fcnowed of n case mahsclf when Ab tho United States civil service should was a young man, mnny yeahs ago, where an Innerccnt man was sent tn T. I,,,,,,. - . I J 'III IU DICU1IU CUIIKIUXS WUUI H U IUI. The 250-mile trough of Lake Erie lies an,udder Puon. Ills name was approximately In the direction of the t . , -fT' ,u, wa mc1u raa" west to southwest winds which pre- " ... ...'., . .... 'Ill n nnfil 1 ta fnr r 1 1 L I n r a nn' i fnrmns vail In that part of the country. Thus the lako offers an excellent opportuni ty for studying the effects of the wind upon a large body of enclosed water. and very Interesting these effects sometimes prove. Itliythmlc gusts produce a rocking motion, and great blows from the west or southwest. like that, for Instance, which nccouj' panlcd the Galveston hurricane In September 1000, sweep tho liquid body of the lake eastward, and some times cause a rise of eight feet or more at Buffalo In the courso of a few hours. As soon as the maximum force of the gale has passed, the wa ter swings back. Continued rocklngs are observed on days when the strength of tho wind fluctuates. a appetite fo chlcklngs, an' n farmer In de neighborhood bad do chlcklngs. Wal, de farmer missed chlcklngs cbery wunst In awhile, an' ho kep' his eye peeled, but he cudn't find out Jes' who tuk 'em, only ho 'spected Pete, caso he was de neares' nlggab. But one night when de farmer kem out of his house wlf a shotgun he seen a man Jes' gwlne away from do chicking coop, an' ho chased him. But do man was spry an' de farmer didn't cotcb him, an' ho los' sight of him somewhercs In do dark, an' when he kem to de turn In do road he didn't know which way to go. nut putty soon he seen a man runnln' an' be follered him along de twlstln's an' tu ruin's of de road till de man kem to Pcto Jackson's house. Do farmer kotcbed htm right at de door- do man was Pete Jackson an' ho yanked lilm along an' bad him Jugged. But Pete hadn't no chlcklngs wlf him do farmer away ;ot skcercd on' run, an' got sep'rated in de dark. Den de farmer mus' hab lost sight of do man he wns chasln', an' den he sees Pete an' chases an' cotches lilrn." "But why didn't yo go up an" re late de real state of de fac's?" "Wal, Ah didn't s'pose dey'd b'llovc me, nn' Ah was skcercd dat If Ah said Ah was wlf Peto dat night Ah might bo wlf him fo' do nex six mont's." "An' bow do yo' account fo' de qhlck Ing what Pete's wlfo was cook In' de nex mnwnln'?" "Wnl, dot chicking nn' nnuddcr one Pete stole from an entlahly dlffrlut coop do night befo' he got In trouble, so his wife had chlcklngs to cook fo' two days hand runnln'." "But doan' do hull affair t'row somo doubt on de prowallln' opinion dnt de let' hind foot of a rabbit am lucky?" "Ah doan' know ns It does. De Jedgc only gave Peto two mont's, an' ebery body fought he'd get six." A VERY IMPOLITE DOQ. He It Wedding Anniversaries. Wedding anniversaries; First year. cotton weuiiing: seconu rear, nnrinr wedding; third year, leather wedding; wlien he was cotched, an' do 1 fifth year, wooden wedding; seventh t'0USht, mebbe, he was skcercd year, woolen wedding; tenth year, tin Irom uc coon uet0 no Bl an' wedding; twelfth year, the wedding of "Hut when do farmer zamlncd do silk and tlue linen; twenty-first year, coop uo maue 'sure (ley was chlcklngs china wedding; tho silver wedding inissln' f ronl do day befo'; an In do comes at me cnu or tho twenty-fifth mawuiu- ue went to rcte iiouso nu year; the pearl wedding Is the thir- "ore was missus jncKson gittln' n tlcth anniversary; the ruby wedding chicking ready fo' dinner. Do farmer is tho fortieth, and tho golden wedding cudn't undcrstan' how sho got dat tho fiftieth; tho diamond wedding Is chicking so quick from Pcto, case Peto the sixtieth. aiun 1 uavo tunc 10 go into ao uouse . when he was cotched, but dein was do Kegro Olllinrcil Horn White. fnn'n In do cnan. nn' rntn mil onl tin. In a contribution to tho Itcvuo En- Ho done tried to 'stnbllsh a nlleyby. cyclopedlque, a German physician who but doy wudu't listen to him. Bo Pcto had spent several years at Kllen-Popo, did time fo' stealln' dem chlcklngs In the African Togolaud, says that the what ho nebbah stole." stages of color through which negro "Am yo' shuah.ho wa'n't guilty?" babies pass In the equatorial regions asked tho deacon. aio as follows: At birth they ore the "Shuah. Ah was wlf him dat night, same color as European infants. Af- an ho didn't steal no chlcklngs nt all. ior iwu ui ureo mourns mo sum turns Ho was In a graveyard gittln' do lef' a lilac color. Ten days later It Is a hind foot of n nhlili. nn- im ta m ' light chestnut shade: and It Is nnltr u u'i.n u-n ,i. t,, ... lilm. He clung to tho name of Brady . at the end of three or four months flint t,orn n nni t .i -t... pud left all his old life behind blm. the skin becomes completely black, I aB wan what stole do chlcklngs on' wo Itemlntlcd Lnto Guests that Waa Time for Departure. A man In New York State, writes a correspondent, Is the owner of a small but pure-blooded Skyo terrier, named Itex, whose Intelligence Is remarkable. Somo of Hex's bright performances certainly aro tho result of reasoning power, which used to bo regarded as tho gift of the human family only. Itex sleeps nt the foot of his master's jied, upon a soft rug of his own. lie Is a dog of good habits; better behaved than mnny children, In fact: but, like a child, he Insists' upon his rights; his own spot before the lire, his own corner of tho sofa, his own bed and, what Is most Interesting, his own bedtime. Often In tho evening when visitors remain beyond ten o'clock, Itex enters the parlor, walks anxiously about, and lies down In the very midst of tho circle with n wearied air that cannot be mis taken. If the visitors still remain, ho will rise and yawn, then mildly whine, and with rapidly wugglng tall seek his master's side, and look expectantly up Into his face, us If to nay, "Why don't they go, so that we may retire?" If all these tactics fall, ho will drop his ears and tall nnd walk to tho door, sometimes giving a sharp, cross bark, his whole mnnncr Indicating deep dis approval of such late hours. Twice In his life ho has done more than to hint nt his wishes on occasions of this kind. One wet evening a stranger, who was calling upon Box's mistress, left his rubbers near the hall door. With the privilege of an old friend, his call was extended beyond tho hour for Ilex's retirement. As usual, the dog displayed his sleeplluess and evident opinion that the gentleman was out stnylng his welcome, but no notice wns taken of him until, with nn air of desperation, he marched Into the parlor Willi one of the caller's rubbers, laid It at his feet, and then quickly returned for tho other, which he placed beside it. Then, with a triumphant gleam In his eyes, ho backed off and stood look ing nt tho stranger as If to say, "There! Do you understand that hint?" Ills second exploit wns even moro remarkable. On this occasion n half. dozen people hnd been playing whist wllhah!s master and mistress. When the game was over, between ten and eleven o'clock, they still stood or sat about tho room, engaged In con versa tlon. Itex wns tired, nnd thoroughly out of hum jr. No one seemed to give thought lo him, and nothing that be could do attracted any attention. Thero were too many visitors to urge them all to deport by producing their overshoes, even If they wore them, hut a brilliant Iden came to him. He dashed up-stalrs to the sleeping-rooms, seized his mas tor's nightgown, which lay ready for use upon the bed, nnd dragging It be hind lilm, spread It at his master's feet In the parlor below, In full view of the assembled guests. This stratagem wns a brilliant suc cess, for, amid shouts of laughter nnd the conMernntloii of tho master, the callers said good night. Tin Ileal Article. "Well, Itudolph, you now have the opportunity uf gnilug 011 the great mnii-klller." "But. old chap, I don't sco any Hen gal tigers around her." "Who said niiythlug nliout tigers? That little man on thu corner Is n chauffeur." All Kaslar Chirp. Pint Chick Oh, you nccdu't put on so many airs. Your mother was not a lady. Second Chlck-Huh! My mother was a high-priced Incubator, whllo yours was only a common old hen. What HlArle.l the (crni.. Larry-OI'd hov yex to know thot . Doctor-You will have to stoti menial me Kniniiiaiiirr uivcr suoweu ms neeis work fur n year. on til' batthlelleld. Denny Itednd, thin, Ol suppose he retrnted backwards. A Fprll 11 f I.cltrra. If an S nnd an I ami nn O and a U, With an X nt tin end, six-! I Hit. And nn II nml a Y nud an II pvll an I, i-ray, mutt is the ipellrr to 1I0? Then If nUo nu H nml nn I sad a U And nu II E D spell elite. There's luitlilng much left for the speller lo uo But lo go nml commit SloiixeyeslElicd. riijrlnir Election litis. Curling Htory. An ostentatious curler said to tho members of his rink: "Don't you bother nbout cuttlm- sandwiches. We'll tako tho bounce out of tho other follows. I havo arranged wiin n rarmer to send down a not of insn siew." The dish, to tho envy of tho onlook ers, arrived beforo tho gnmo was fin ished, nnd to keep It wnrm top coats wero put over It. When tho cun sounded "ccaso play" tho party made their way to enjoy tho spoclul luxury, but on lifting tho coats thero was a holo In tho I co tho slzo of tho pot, which had melted Its way through tho Icn to tho bottom of tho loch. The Largest of Cron merles. The people of Lincoln, Neb., boast of having the largest creamery In the world, not only In capacity for butter making, but In tho size of tho plant and tho floor space of tho building. Between tho ages of 10 nml 18. a boy's favorite threat with his mothei Is that ho will leave homo. lis rawi 'But. doctor, my Income would cease. I write short stories for thu maga xlnes." 'Oh, well, you can keep right on nt that." Nlulit Owl.. 'Isn't It ridiculous to call servant girls 'domestics?-" 'Ilecitiiso they're mostly Imtiortcd, eh?" "No. I had In mind thu fact that they never stay nt home at night." Phila delphia- Prius. Ailvertlslus Trick. "Yes," Mild tho circus owner, "put In the program: 'Don't fall tu sco the won- di-rful hippopotamus.' " 'But suppose the hlppoiiotamus doesn't arrive?" sjioke up tho advertis ing agent. Well, I guess you had belter sny 'hip po.' Then If the hippopotamus does not materialize we can say It refers to the hippodrome." Ail AIIArolluit Ink. Helen When you nnd Jack wero sit ting out on the Kireli Inst night what did your mint say? Lnile She mid It was cuol and asked If I had anything nround me. I told her yes; some heavy black cloth. Helen Ah, n shawl? Ernie No, Jack's cont sleeve. He Election time nlways helps my rniiier s business. Shc-Gruclous! What Is his Hue? Ho Ho' In the hat business. Cause for Aliirm. "Suy, doctor," exclaimed 1111 excited man ns he dashed Into thu pill dlspciH- er's private olllce, "1 want you lo make an examination as to my sanity." "What rrnson have you for believing yourself 11 candidate for the padded cell?" nskid the M. D. "Well, I happened to run ncross n pnekagn of letters this morning that I wrote to my wlfo during our court- in the Monil Old Times. Caller Your grandpu must be a verv ship," was tho significant rviilv oiu man, isn't ne, iiiiiioiph? Little Itudolph I should sny so, Why, he remembers when parent used to take their little buys out In the wood' shed to lick them. 1'osltlrelr Ilrutal, Husband I wish I knew whero I could find a burled treasure. Wife Never mind, dear, I'm your treasure. Husband Yes, but you aro not bur led. To Complete Ilia ILL cutlnn. "Where's your boy golug lifter ho leaves tho model school?" "To sumo school that ain't model. I guess, to lenm reading, writing and figures." Judge. Kxplaliuil, Airs, iiuusueep you said tho lob would cost $13. Hero you've scut a bill for $11. Painter Ycs'm. You see, I cot to tniiiKiir over it afterward, and I thought you'd bo superstitious nbout It. I'lillmlelphln Press. Uulck Ileplr. "PIcubo send mo ten 'bucks.'" tdn. graphed the slangy collego boy. The 0111 man rrowuca ana wired buck! "I iloirt own an Indian reservation. Apply to the Carlisle school." Very Hmliur. Tho lanit individual drew his bonv ung up ueiore 1110 iiiiapniated shanty. -wnai-causeii 1110 troublo, strauger?" ho Inquired. "Any fool could seo a cyclouo hnd been along," growled tho native with tho brown pipe. "Excuse mo, stranger. I thoueht nor. baps your wlfo had been houscclenn. lug." Laugiinun. Luugungo Is tho subtlest Instrument over played on, by mnn. Its variations nro llllmltiiblo-that Is, they uro limit ed only by the powers of tho hiiinun mind and soul, In nil posslblo situa tions. Tho power of words or speech exceeds that of music, because, lan guage Is mnro than music nnd even Includes music. Language, In thu hands of n mnster, Is pregnant with uvery meaning. A nation's language Is at onco nu expression and a mold of Its charac ter, reflecting from century to century tho development of Us civilization and Ita advance In Intellectual and moral culture, In learning and refinement. Thu flexible Greek tonguo wns the product and tho Instrument of tho sub. tlo Greek Intellect. Tho distinctive qualities of thu classic speech of thu ltomnn declare tho dignity nnd thu vlrllo energy which wero Inseparable from tho old Itoinan. Tho man who Invests his coin In' a gct-rlch-qulck scheme seldom has to bother about making his will, A crank Is a man with a large hobby and a small conscience.