Bohemia nugget. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1899-1907, December 26, 1902, Image 4

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Bohemia nugget., December 26, 1902, Image 4

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Newspaper Page TextBohemia Nugget M'.i: VMtnNUV. rdllor and l'rouT. COTTAGE GROVE. . . .OREGON. Health brings wealth moro often thnii wealth brings health. A philosopher U n lnnn who rnn sco how others mnlic such Mr mistakes. Birds of a feather Hock together nnil so do Jailbirds of tlio same stripe. Those nighty parlor matches enn never lip depended on. They lose their bends bo easily. has Its merits and its domorlts. The pranks of students nro seldom. If ever, Vicious. Tlmt Is why the school ot regulation docs not believe In repres sion. The pranks nro often violations of laws they frequently disturb tlio public peace, nnd result In the destruc tion of property. That Is why the school of repression thinks regulation Is Inadequate. In France, Germany nnd Ilussla the civil authorities have to Interfere with student activities more-frequently than In the United States, for In Europe revolutionary movements arc fomented In tlio great universities. Interferences there means an net of self-defense by the existing j government; nero it means only tno suppression of an ordinary and usually thoughtless breach of the pence. millions for iuveii UPPER MISSISSIPPI IN NEED OF VAST HUM. Ills Projects Undertaken tijr Resident of Valley Prominent Men Interested In tho Improvements Urua Develop mint of Navlitntlnn nnd Commerce. Itafgjiltm't try to show off before strangers." -No wonder sonio people prefer dogs to children. Tho greatest man In tho world Is probably wondering what he con do to-morrow to Keep up tho bluff. Down In Mississippi the children havo quit being afraid to go to bed In the dark. They know there arc no bears there. Mario Corelll Is screeching at tho United Stntcs for having such quanti ties of money. Mnrlc Corelll Is mad because she Is not getting moro of It. An actress swallowed her w-atch while asleep. We fear that the lady who sings next door to us will swallow tho music rack some day when taking high It. Tho man who wrote "The Mocking Bird" Is dead. He got (33 for the song. The publishers made $3,000,000 out of It lie has been sufficiently punished. M. Jussornnd, the newly appointed ambassador from France to this coun try, sees In tho United States n "world power." Clearly the gentleman has his glasses properly focused. Judgo Ilognn, of Chicago, has decid ed that this Is a free country and that girls may smoke cigarettes. Sure, they may! Hut they ought to be obliged to have their breaths laundered afterwards. A New York "gent" who rose In two years from office boy to the Presidency of n trust company has been sent to the penitentiary for fraudulent opera tions. It appears that it Is still possi ble now and then to be too bright Hurled deep In nn old chest I found, tho other day, among other boyish trinkets, an old-fashioned almanac. Itow the ghost of happy, olden days walked the halls of memory nt the sight of that old almanac. I remem ber where It hung In Its place of honor over tho wood box behind the llttlo kitchen stove. There were no "kitchen ranges" then. It was a part of tho furniture, as were the little cracked mirror and the towel rack, where, after ablutions at the pump outside, I be took me to comb a towslcd head. There It hung from Jan. 1 to Jan. 1. Father got It at the drug store. lie put In his order to tho drug storo early In December. Or If he forgot It. mother said: "Now, pa, don't forget to get an almanac up nt the store before they arc nil gone." Turning over to tho first Inside page I found, where I knew It was. the "signs of the Zodiac." Those signs with their Latin accom paniments were to me as weird as tho Klcuslnlan mysteries to the Greeks. nnd are to this day. for that matter. Kven the preacher could not explain their full significance! And here nro the advertisements of the pills nnd blood restorers with nil their old-tluio frankness and Infallibility. I knew tho names of the deponents nnd the towns where they lived, by heart And nt the slightest Indisposition I felt every symptom they described. And the Jokes at the bottom of the pages. Some how they do not make such Jokes-now adays. They were durable Jokes. They lasted an me year, like the honest blue Jeans of the times. The Jokes nnd tho Jeans were wash goods. And the Jokes bad about them the flavor of eternal humor. Yet, somehow, as I try to read those ancient Jokes I do not laugh. The tears get In my way. Maybe If I could go back thirty years the Jokes would be funny. And not only the tears, but the faces that come between, the faces that are folded In the yellow leaves. They arc like the faded faces In the old daguerrotypes. Somewhere those Tho Mississippi Itlver problem Is oho of tho oldest nnd most difficult with which Congress lias to deal. It Is many sided Hint subject to constantly changing conditions. Years of discus stou nnd millions of money have not completely solved It, for the old father ot waters Is decidedly human In his chnrnclerlstlt-s and Is mulcted with tho frailties, the perversity and vlelousuess of humanity ns well as possessing many of Its virtues. To reform his habits and hold his mighty power In subjection to the will of man, to re quire him to surely nnd safely carry the commerce of an empire, nre some of the details of what Is known ns the Mississippi Itlver problem. Upper Division Neulcctel. The appropriations In the river nnd harbor bill show that the bulk of mon ey appropriated for tho Improvement of this great water wny has been nnd Is belug expended on the lower division of the river from Cairo to New Or leans. The Inadequate work upou the upper division, northward from Cairo to St Paul, has resulted In a gradual ly lessening of the depth of the chan nel until at the present time only small steamboats of light draft ply north of Cairo. Big packets like those between St. Ixtuls and New Orleans have nl most vanished from the upper Missis sippi, and In periods of low water navi gation for freight transportation pur poses lieoomes uncertain by reason of long stretches of unimproved river. These conditions have aroused public locks. Two men operate tho locks and It Is nn Impressive sljht to see n tow ering steamboat enter tho lock, tho gate close, the water subside, tho oppo site gate open and tho boat pass out, nit uuder the control of two puny hu man Instruments. The Keokuk ennui offers tho difficul ty ot a long and shallow channel In terrupted by three locks. Twenty min utes' time Is consumed nt each lock by the passage of n large bunt, while the compensating ndvautnge Is nbsoluto safety and certainty. A movement Is afoot which Is n part of tho general plan of upper Mlsslsslp pi Improvement, no mention ot tho river nitd In commercial nud In-1 P dustrlnl enterprises In tlio upper Mls-'N . slsslppl valley. Tlio only part of the POETIVT VED8U8 bvJIUNCE. mlUt Dora Bllsiued by Hldite) .1....- .I.-. I... I. .... on....! . viu"niiun. ,reV.H t filJn "'" Mo was no St. Paul to Itcd Win. Minn. Just ort' butA V'n co.,!,,1 n k HttMA .ti.il.tlM.l.ul ! IfMr,.. .n. .. sheet of water nnd occupies tho ;".,,'. ' -"" vnii.,.. fr.. id., i.i . i ft Century." Ho was tho guest nt of tho river tho Improvement :"" ""n.eneoii ni vnoso .I,,,.... ., ,.. ..v.v UIUVIB Ul IIIU I'llllll. ,uu milium euiuiiiiiiiiiH nun inu nbovo liko Peplu tho river Is now broad entire that part works results obtained havo been very suc cessful. While tho river (hero Is thu smallest In volumo than any other place In Us course and tlio channel li only 300 foot wide, there Is n contln wnys Joko so effectively ns In tho In Half din tnblo among tnem ono who was greatly Interested In natural history. As tho mnn rodo ills hobby to denth, he was tho prlnc of bores, and his entraneo was there fore viewed with something like con :. although there was nous good channel tho year roiitid-fnr ,, 8"wU, ' but his pwuLrltv "wis soon nny specific detail by , better. In fact, than Is sometimes found I"arlty oii tho recent river convention, to replace the present rannl with and Its Hire locks by a single targe lock adequate for all the needs of the largo steam boats and tows which nre the develop mom of modem navigation. This proj ect also Includes n dam clenr across the rlvr, converting tho rapids Into deep pool, on which boats may ply at nny speed without hindrance. It Is claimed by engineers who havo luve tlgitted these proposed Improvements an added advantage of such n da would be that, while by substituting n quicker nnd more convenient passage of the rapids, it nlso would develop great water power with n fall of from twenty to twenty-two feet nnd n vol ume of water sufficient to furnish now cr for nil the manufactories within 100 miles ot the rapids. Another Important recent Improve' ment Is the government dry dock nt Keokuk, built In 1889 nt n cost ot $1:5,000. It Is 400 feet long. 100 feet wide and Is entered from tho cnnnl Unlike most dry docks, no pumping Is required to empty It of water, for the situation Is such Hint by opening sluice tho water falls by gravity dl rectly Into the river outside, of the canal, which Is an enormous saving 1 the cost of operation. This dock Is used for repairing the fleet of boat HIVEIl IMPROVEMENT. In suggesting that our army officers should not marry until they are ma jors. Major General Corbln overlooks faces BbIne. doubtless. In eternal youth. ... ,.uro.u..j i ........ u uui i cannot sec theml There are al- gets to bo a major Jie may not want to manacs a nlentv now-tnn, nf .hm marry, and If he docs nobody might but I have been too busy to keen track sentiment In the unnor Mississippi val want to marry mm. 0f the moon's phases nnd rend tlm ! in f-,. r ,in,n.wii nr.o,,..nt Jokes. And oh, weary and worn spirit Improvement of the upper river ade- oi man, now i sometimes yearn for quate for the needs of commerce nnd those days when "we were so happy Industry In that reslon In particular ami so pore, ror the homely and hap- nnd for the benefit of the country In A court has decided that there Is no law against women smoking cigarettes or even big, black cigars. Now all we need Is a Blmllar decision in favor of the clay pipe, preferably the short, black one of the peasant woman, and the emancipation of woman will be complete. py days of the old almanac! general. This sentiment found form and expression In n large and repre sentative convention held at Qulncy, In which twenty-four river towns were Tho power of a nation of 70,000,000 people, with such enormous advant ages of soil, climate and transportation facilities. Is almost unthinkable and makes It Inevitable that the United States shall control the world's mar kets, unless Europe should unite her various peoples In the zollvereln so often suggested. Considering the dif ficulties of the different languages, re ligions and social customs, to say noth ing ot conflicting interests, such a unlou Is Impossible, but wo already have It in the United States. Itow the World Laughs. nigh mentality Is shown In a laugh, according to Answers. There are sav- represented by men prominent In the ages In Africa who never laugh; they commercial and Industrial life of their grin, that Is all; and this lack of the communities. quality of laughter Is a symptom of Fifteen millions of dollars Is the sum their low mentality. they ask Congress to appropriate, and The Chinaman has no hearty bursts to secure this they have organized the of laughter. He titters cynically tit- first Upper Mississippi Itlver Improve- ters over the misfortune of an enemy ment Association ever formed. These or the clopmcnt of a daughter of a men represent an enormous constit friend. He cannot laugh. When he Is uency In the upper Mississippi valley delighted, or amused, or happy, bo and they will base their claims upon Just looks calm. the broad ground that the contempla The Frenchman has a reserved . te" Improvements In the upper river engaged In river Improvement work nnd also for any private boat In need of urgent repairs which does not re quire more than two or three days to complete. The government exacts small fco for Its use by private parties. There Is only one other dock of the kind In the United Stntcs, and that Is nt Louisville on tho falls of tho Ohio, but the latter Is much smaller. The Hock Island rapids have been Improved by excavating a channel through the rocky reefs from 200 to 400 feet In width with a minimum depth of four feet below low water. Since 1874 the government has been Tho moral influence of soda water Is sold to be very apparent In the Philip pines, -wncro a man can raise n thirst," and where. If unable to get that the women have n cnltlrnti mi, temperance drinks, he too often turns slcnl "ha-lia-hn ." that thov in .f. to something less wholesome. Not laugh, one which he holds well In hand. Being a great stickler for dig nity, be Is afraid that a loud and hon est laugh would Injure his deportment would demean him In the eyes of the world. You will not hear much more laughter in- Paris, though It Is true only nre substantial profits made on the soda fountain and Ice cream parlor In the Manila building of tho Young men s Christian Association, but these nttentlon. The German's laugh Is cavernous. It comes from far down somewhere In his stomach. The laugh of the Irish- accessories do on amount of good that man. Is. upon the contrary, rather ' make for the general Improvement of the entire stream from Its headwaters to the gulf. It must not bo taken for granted that the government has wholly neglected the upper division of the Mississippi. On the contrary. It has recently np proved of a project for Improving that division, but -has failed to provide a sum which tho people of the valley consider sufficient The present avail able appropriation for the upper dlvls Ion Is $200,000 a year, while on the lower division tho appropriations are about $2,000,000 a year, or ten times money could hardly measure. Is there soprano, not a stomach laugh, nor even ' Breater. A Jarge part of the latter any moralist so severe that he would a chest laugh, but a head one. crmcizc una memou or checking a bad The English and the Americans habit by tho substitution of a harmless laugh the best Their mirth Is so nat- one? If so, he ought to bo reminded that no crimo was ever committed urn dcr tho Influence of orange phosphate. and that over-lndulgenco In Ice cream never deprived a family of bread, urally and heartily and musically ex pressed that you cannot but rejoice on hearing It. Cruel Slaughter. When you see a woman with a band After a lapse of 2,400 years tho Per- of white plumage almost Invisibly elan ambassador has found his way to tinted with blue and green and more the court of Greece. Some Important strongly with golden brown ornament- chnnges have taken place at Athens in '"S hat, know that from ono to six that time; In fact, a good many things I of these harmless, lovable, sweet- of Interest havo occurred in the world voiced llttlo grebes were stripped to nt largo since Darius so Insolently dls- supply It. And when you see thnl poneu unuseir at mo expense of the I otuer woman wearing n cape the col Greeks. In some parts of the world I 'ar of which reaches above her ears to women voto for trustees of tho Statu bo made up of almost Indiscernible University, nnd In other parts they car- sections tho size of your hand, know ry tnmgs wmi a mgn liaud and drive that each sections stands for the life tneir husbands out of tho family tent of ono of these charming llttlo chat wucn uiey tiuo nusbnuds) are drunk tcrers. and disorderly. It would worry old Darius uot a little to come back and sco the changes. Hut we nre glad dip lomntlc relations havo been resumed The breast of the grabo Is Its curse. Its feathers are so tiny and fino as to be almost spineless, so thickly set hey stand on end. and so delicately between Greece nnd Persia; It shows colored as to render ndequato descrlp' tlon Impossible. Crest grebes are kill ed without mercy for this little patch ot rare feathering, and tho little ones do not escape. There Is no bird slaughter for plum- nge more wanton, unless It bo that of us cieariy mat segregation Is short lived. Not long ago the governing board of one of tho Eastern colleges said In Its annual report. In discussing the "pranks" of the students, that "the ar- the etrret which akes th. iif. nf , J r"" " f" iimiiHm,. I , ,, .. 7 1 . wi iuitu icti iiuuib tun vuiur Ull uoais amount, however. Is used for tho con structlon of levees made necessary by noous. Project Now in Hand. The upper river Improvement proj ect, which has been npproved by Con gress, calls for a channel of four and one-half feet In depth, to be Increased to six feet This Is on tho basis of the extreme low water of 1854. which docs not occur at periods of more than once In ten years. It practically means a low-wnter channel of six feet nt ordinary low water, to bo Increased to eight feet, In carrying out this project the Des .Moines rapids at Keokuk have been overcome by a canal with three locks 80x350 feet Tho depth of the cnnnl was placed at five feet below extreme low water. The Des Moines rapids are Immediately above the city of Keo. kuk, Iown, between the States of Illi nois and Iowa, with the State of Mis sourl a few miles to tho southwest and beyond tho Des Moines Itlver. Tho canal extends along this west or Iowa shore between Nashville and Keokuk. It was opened to navigation In 1897. It Is seven and one-half miles long nnd surmounts a fall of twenty feet, which is tho slope of tho river from the head of the canal to the foot. At high water boats go down outside of tho canal. but when tho river recedes to n stage rest and conviction, of a few bumptious brooding bird for a few feautlful fcath- youths, followed by their prompt dis missal from college, would provo an object lesson In citizenship of Incalcul able value to tho entire student body," Tlio nuthorltlcs of soino other colleges wink nt what they regard as tho over flow of animal spirits among tho stu dents, nnd attempt to restrain the youths from too flagrant disregard of the conventions of society rather than to suppress nil "prauklslmcss." Thus wo hnve tho two schools of discipline, ono of repression and tho other of reg ulation. Just as wo have two schools of medicine, two great divisions In tho Christian Church, two political parties, two parts of tho day, light and dark ness, two sides ot tho enrtb, and so pn through the various dualities. Each ers found on tho shoulders only at nesting time nnd leaves tho young to dlo as they may. Arctlo Humor. 'I think that man Is rather suspi cious about me," remarked the seal, Indicating the Eskimo hunter ap proaching In Ids kaynk. "Suspicious?" queried tho walrus. "les, I think he's Inelliicd to take mo for a skin." Philadelphia Press. Evidently Not Ilecomlnir. 'I wonder why Tom Is raising a beard?" "Don't know, unless It Is because ho can't raise the price of a shave." Philadelphia Bulletin. pass through tho canal. In tho opinion of tho government en glueers this canal has been tho means ot preserving navigation on tho upper Mississippi for the past twenty years. During that tlmo tbero lias been a gradual cheapening of freight rates and the decllno In that particular In connection with tho heavy charges nec essary to transfer freight over the rap Ids by rail or by flat boat when the water was low would havo been a greater tax than tho traffic would bear and as a result river navigation would havo fallen Into disuse. Keokuk Cumil I, cks. Tho locks ot tho Keokuk canal are massive structures of solid stone and tho gates are operated by hydraulic pressure from the central point of tho .osssjor- nulLPIMO A WI.IO PA II. making Improvements of various kinds on the upper Mlsslslppl, and altogether slnco that date has expended about $9,000,000, which has been of vast bcnefilt System nf Improvement. In Improving some sections of the upper river the work has been dono by means of shore protection, closing dams nnd wing dams, constructed of brush and stone, which nre found In abundance on the banks of the river. By this method of Improvement all the side channels arc closed by whnt are termed closing dams, thus conll- . c.wecu n.ro an, i. ns, nr er tno, ..Tllm(., 0 no talk at all unless you rlvi.r lin riwlvi.t tli.t trlttiilnrt..,, fur ... : " ' . , . ............... ... cn mnnK0 , oor mnii.. ,,, l)ll0 0 . y m ui , TO.,rse. uieiu.i ug .u t,10 nle ,0 8nh ..(,., ,- M iMtfiitlH i'M,li la km till,... HM tin, .&.. - v sissippi useir. so inr mo wont none, i . n ,, , ,,. has been very local In character, and although with some doubt, for there H.ii.nmiiiviii. iiutu men iimmi punei-, Wns not telling to what branch of hi ..ii.j in iimiii, wncru expeneura nns crotchet the bore would turn. mown uiey were iiccueii num. ineso. ilio d tutor limrnu. Tim ..n nr Improved places are often disconnect- customary toasts such as "Tho Queen.1 wi py nines ot unimproved river, ami -riio Church," had been honored, nnd in urn uninii.nneu pini-vs Kiiuiuinni sun mere cnuie n lull which wns tliu bore' develop which glvo trouble at the low opportunity. wnti.r mmumi I .... ... ........ ........... . ..,,, . .. ,, , . .... ... ..ii. ..ii-11111-iii.-TJii, snui ue, unvo you seen the pamphlet written by my friend, Professor Dickenson, on tho OHIO'S CENTENNIAL. Commonwealth lias Ccletiraled lOOtli rellinrknblo Site of the eyes of A com Aiinncrmroi its stale iioimi. moil liouso-llyi' Tho sons of Ohio tho world over re-' The nrchdenenn courteously said ho ceutiy ccicurntcd tlio cvutetiulnl an- nan not had the privilege, and In spll uiversary or their native State and In of tho discouraging looks on thu faces Chllllcothe, the first capital of Ohio, of tho guests, tho bore pursued his ad a tablet was unveiled commemorating vantage: me signing of thu State's constitution. "I can assure you It Is a most In On the site of tho present Boss terestlng pamphlet, setting forth par- County courthouse, In the city ot Oculars, hitherto unobserved, as to tho Chllllcothe, stood the historic old stona unusual site of that eye." courthouse In which wns adopted the "I deny tho fact!" said a volco from original constitution ot tho State ot tho other end of tho table. Ohio. All smiled save thu Ixinv The story of the rlso of Ohio Is of, "You deny tho fact, sir?" said he. Interest to every American. It wns "May I ask on what authority you tho first State to bo admitted to the condemn tho Investigations of my most union out of tho great Northwcs Tor- learned friend r ntory, nnu in the Hundred years of Its "I deny the fact." replied tlm tni Htatenooii it has increased Just ono which wns Sydney Smith's: "snd 1 hundred times. In 1800 Its poputa. baso my denial on evidence wedded to lion wns Borne 40,txx). At tho present Itiimortnl verso well known to every nine ii mis over -i.uuo.ikiu People, and scholar, nt lensl. nt in InM.. " ranks ns the fourth State In the I'll-1 The emphasis laid on scholar nettled ton, sew lork, Pennsylvania and 1111- the naturalist by Its Implication puis holding the first, second nud third "Well, sir," ho snld. as calmly ns lie Places, respectively. was able, "will you have the kindness nut wiutt stirs the pride of a natlvo to quote your nuthorlty?" of Ohio perhaps more than Its growth "1 will sir. The evidence Is those In population nud material wealth Is well-known, I may sny Immortal, Hues: tier contribution of great men to the "'Who saw him die?' nation. Five of the twenty five PresI dents of the United States wero born In Ohio, nnd six nre regarded by tho 'I. said tho fly. 'With my little eyo!' The guests roared, and during thr citizens of this Stnto as their own. rest of the dinner nothing further was the five that belong to Ohio by untlvl- beard on the subject of natural hlstorr ty were Grant, born at Point Pleas. . ant. April 27. 1822; Hnyes. born nt Delaware, Delaware County, Oct 4. ' 1822; Garfield, born In Orange Town ship. Nov. 10. 1831; Benjamin Harri son, born nt North Bend, Aug. 20, itvu. and McKlnlcy, born nt Nlles, Trumbull County, Jan. 29, 1813. Tho I Thunder Is rarely. If ever, heard at President who Is regarded by' Ohio-, JI"nt,C0 t"an v'kMi'vu ,Mvt ans ns theirs by adoption wns W.i.- lam Henry Hnrrlson. Although born In Virginia, Harrison made Ohio Ids home, nnd before ho wns elected tho ninth President he had been a mem ber of Congress from tls Slate, a State Senator and a United Stntcs Scuntor. On the United States Supreme bench Ohio hns nlso had five representatives. I hey were John Me Lean, Nonh II, wayne, Salmon I. Chase, Morrison It. Wnltc and Stanley Matthews. Of these Chase and Wnlte were Chief Justices. Other national characters who have The wife of the Governor of New Borneo has a baby rhinoceros for n pet. There nre but nine subscribers to the post office telephone In Swansea. Wales. The moose deer has the largest horns of nny animal. They often weigh from fifty to sixty pounds. Beetles In the East and West Indies nre so brilliant lp coloring that they aro beautiful as gems. Denmark has the largest army In proportion to her size. She hns 187 The problem of what to do with out millionaires Is being rapidly solved by the nutoiiiomblle, Saturday Evening Post. "Mho seems to have lost her head over that young man." "Yes, I saw It on Ills shoulder." Philadelphia Evening Bulletin. Largely Supplied, "Aro you n mnn of family, sir?" "Yes, sir! my third son-in-law moves In today." Detroit Free Press, Pat "An' so yo shtruck fcr shorter hours?" Mlko "Yls. Wo want tacit wnn to consist nv for-rly minutes. b- gorryl" Puck. Fractional "Where tho wlfu Is tlio better half, whnt la tlio lnubund?" "Perhaps he la what Is meniit by tlio submerged tenth." Detroit Journal. Just In Time. "Wns your lust book a success?" "Oil, Immense. Tho pub lishers sent the entire edition up to my housu Just as we ran out of coal." Ex change. First M. D. "What a lot of thing have been found In the vermiform ap pendix," Second M, D, "And look at the money Hint has been taken out ot It." Life. Mrs. Dearborn "They tell me your cook Is nit angel." wMrs. Wabash "I reckon she Is. She tried to light tho tiro with kerosene this morning." Yonkrrs .Statesman. A High Testimonial. Lady (engaging a innld) "Wns your last mistress int. stled with you?" Maid "Well, mum, she snld she was very pleased when 1 left." Punch. Farmer "See here, hoy! What aro yo doing up that apple tree?" Kid Can't yer see liulhlit'? Ono of )'er sp iles fell off de tree, an' I'm tying It on again!" Brooklyn I.lfo. Mrs. Watts Trumps "Oh, ycsl Ws lind a delightful time. We played cards the whole evening." Mr. Watts Trumps "Nonsense, I.ucyl We only played be- ween anecdotes." Puck, Literary Taste. Cookie "Don't gH the pork sausages nt Brown's, Mary. get them nt Suilthsuira. They do wrp them up In such beautiful love tab i. you can't think." Tlt-lllts. What Doughnut Is. "A doughui t. children," said the practical teacher of Ilgrstlvc economies," Is a round holo In the center of a compound mixture of lyspepsht. ' Baltimore Nows. Lecturer "And what man Is most npt to reach that elevation whence the nrth may bo viewed 'as one vast plain?' " Volco (In the audience) "Tho one that works In a powder ul II L" .Ife. Manufacturing evidence. "I'm sorry to have to mess your faco so, kitty," snld Tommy, as he daubed pussy's face lilt Jam, "but I can't hav- folks sus pecting me." Columbus (O.) Stato ouriinl. The Parting Shot Clara (after a tlffl "1 presume you would like your ring back?" George "Never mind; keep No other girl I know could use that ring, unless she wore It on her thumb." Tlt-Blls. Nothing Lucking. Customer (emcrg. Ing from bargain-counter crush) Help! My leg Is broken!" Floonvnlk- ion wilt find the crutch depart ment, sir, on tho fourth floor In the nr." Tlt-Blts. Scientific and Nervous Visitor (at country hotel) "I suppose there's no ptomaine' In this pie?" Waller (quite equnl to the occasion) "No, sir. We never puts that In unless specially or dered!" Punch. "Itcmembcr, Pat, 'It Is tho hand Hint rocks tho cradle that rules a nation.' " Well, begorrn, yez mny bo rolght, but Ol'm fer thlnklu' mcsllf, 'tis the cart e've got before ther hoss; 'ut's ther hand as cradles ther rocks phwol rules cr nation." Exchange. ' Playwright "You'd better say, n few kind words to the star before tho per formance. She seems dispirited." Man ager "In what way?" Playwright- Well, she says there are moments OHIO'S FIHST CAPITOL AND Dlt. TIFFIN, HEIt FIHST GOVEUNOH nlng tho low water flow to n single channel. Ono bank of this channel Is usually protected from caving by bank revetment and tho river contracted by tho construction of wing dams from the opposite shore. The width ot con traction varies from St. Paul to tho mouth of the Missouri In accordance with the low water discharge of tho river at different places. At St. Paul the prescribed width of the Improved river Is 400 feet; at the mouth of tho St. Croix It widens to 000 feet; below Lake Peptn it Is 800 feet; below tho mouth of tho Wisconsin rIVer, 1,000 feet; at Qulncy, 1,200 feet; from tho Illinois river to tho mouth of tho Mis souri, 1,000 feet. Tho expenditures since 1874 linvo failed to meet the requirements of the people engaged In tho navigation of gone out of Ohio nro John Shcrmnu "'"' ' "cry or uer iK.puin- nil William It. Day, Secretaries of State under President McKlnlcy; I no largest butterflies are tho "bird- Thomas Ewlng. Thomas Corwln and winged f Moluccas. Their wings Charles Foster, who were Secretaries nro sometimes twelve Inches In ex- of the Trcnsury nt different times; I'anse. Lewis Cass, Edwin M. Stanton, Will- A person usually begins to lose lam Tecumseh Sherman nnd Alphnuso height nt tho nge of fifty, and at thu raft, who were all employed lu many ngo of ninety lias lost at least ono and high positions of stnte, Including for a half Inches. one that of Secretary of War. I a wall thirty feet high and thirteen Few outside of Ohio know much of feet broad could bo built all rmiml Chllllcothe, where tho centennial cere- England with the coal atmunlly raised ninny wns held. At the present time n that country. It Is of no grent significant In point i.it. i. .i. ,. ,,.ii,i , of population, having not moro than ,,,.,, , ,rt ....,,, . ' ' 13,000 Inhabitants, nor lu polut of sit- , . ,,, .. , ',. 1 nation, for It Is located In the Interior i . Z'Z Z":'" " ' f tho Stnte, In the valley of the Scioto ' 1 " " , " "',uu'u ' Itlver. Tho centennial ceremonies,' ra niuuro mora tiwti however, recall to the world a time olm.r "" " 11"ml vxcvl1 ' wliotl Phi It lent lift will n rrrnnt fltv na cnniel. A rcwulccr iiiu bceu known to compared with the other settlements ?u" 20? po.uu 1 nt tcn 'n",''' " ,,our. when even she doubts that she Is tho the frontier. In tho first plncc, ""-" " ' irreatcst actress lit the world." Brook. Chllllcothe was the capital of that vast "ll0 world now consumes 0.300,0O0,- lyn Life. stretch of land known ns the Great 000 pounds of tobacco yearly, or 2,812,-1 Heartless Fellow Wife "Ho sure to Northwest Territory, comprising the WO tons. This Is worth $200,000,000. dVertlso for Fldo In BioWnlng news present Stntcs of Ohio, Indiana, I III- other words, tho world's smoke bill ,,,.,. Next day tho wife read as jui w n wees. f0l0W(! , nc,vimi,cr.. 10,ti A Berlin periodical, Dcr Wclnkcnncr, mangy lapdog, with ono eye nnd no tall, relates that when Blsmnrck died about Too fnt to walk. Answers to tho namo 10,000 bottles of tho choicest wlnos 0f Fldo. If returned stuffed, 2 ro- ' were found In his cellars, mostly gifts ward." Tlt-Blts. from friends nnd admirers. They came , Vanity of Vunltles. Our Amoteur from nil countries. tomco (W)10 has tukeii a cottage In tho j But eight Stntes do not now require country, so as to bo able to study with. exnmlnntlon by n State Board of those out Interruption) " 'Arise, fnlrsun.and who wish to practice medicine. They kill the envious moon ' " Owner ot nro Arkansas, Colorado, Kentucky, Itublcund Countennnco (popping bead Michigan, Nebraska, Nevada, South over the hedge) "Beg pardon, zur. Bo Dakota and Tennessee. I you a talklu' to 01, sur?" London Prizes of $1,200, $7C0 nnd $300 for I'mich. the best Instruments to measure wind ' Woo Be to Him. George "I have pressure nro offered by tho Hamburg been Invited to u 'flower party' at tho Marino Observatory to Gcrmnn nnd Pinkies'. Whnt docs It menu?" Jack foreign Inventors. Tho plans must bo "That's ono of the newest Ideas this sent In by April 1, 11)03. season. It Is a now form of birthday Tho Now York City Itccord, nn olll- mr,y Knch J",l'"t ,ml8t c,ld MM clnl publication, owned and Issued by l'l,lkle n o01"!"6' coutiilnliig as mnny tho municipality. Is tho biggest uows- "owers ns sho Is years old, and the paper In tho world. It appears every ,lowcrs mu,i ,mvp a meaning. Study day In tho year, Sundays and legal 11,0 mngungo of flowers before order holidays excepted, and sometimes con- ,nB" Florist's Boy (a few hours later) tains as mnny as 383 pages. "A Bcntleinnn left nn order for twen- Five of tho twenty fellowships re- l f. tl,c"f. ,1.0.wc, 'I.1 "I1'"?!1" rendv nu-nnlml In !. .1.... iiiKie, wnn ma enru. i lorist "Jieil nols, Wisconsin, Michigan and a pnrt of Minnesota, lying cast of the Mis-' slsslnpl. I tilillnunnliv fliilvnullu rP I,.. ............ When Ohio beenmo n Stnto Chilli- ni wnm ,,tv.n . :. :. or ten moro for good measure." Ex. cotho was Its first capital, and hero theso fellowships carry with them nn clm"BC tho sent of government remained, with lucoino during tho ncndcmlc year ot! IVoitdorful Huales. . tho exception of only one short lapse, $r,00 and free tuition, with nn addition. I Tll 8rl,nd balance or scale used In until 1810, when It wns moved to Co- nl $100 for particular research work i tl10 Iln,lk of Kngland Is probably tho la.mltlia 'rill. tirAIMtnt nn.iull..tl .. ' I . , ...... .. . - . . '" iiiunun oi Honesty s a tirevalllnir vlrini.nnmi.n mosi woiiueriut piece or iiiociianisin to Ohio dates from 1850. when tlm 1 u l,rLV""lng irtuonmoiig ,,,', , ,.... Innl draft was amended in soino par ticulars. Homo Doubt About It. "Will you bo engaged this evening "Well, I don't know, Mr. Bright to call," one of my best customers. Add eight most Chinamen. Somo of them, In 1,0 BCC" nnywl"-'ro' lt "tnmla nbout meir native towns and cities, ofton v"-" "v ""-. ii"" lenvn their l.lnees nf lni.li.i... i. tWO tolls. Tills SCnlo Is SO perfectly od ed whllo they go off for holf-aii hour JusUd Vmt " Citt" Wclf'' " Kral" 0( Why Ho Failed. Loss of volco wns oho of tho reasons given by a Loudon auctioneer for bis Insolvency. or moro. Should customers arrive In I half expect the meantime, they find tho prices of goons pinmiy marked, select whnt they want and leave tho in one," for them. lt Is one sign of ngo when a woman Imagines she Is looking sail, and soma one tkg why she Is looking so sour. dust or 400 pounds of gold. A postage stamp piacen on one or tho two weigh ing portions will movo tlio Index six Inches. If tho weight placed upon the scalo Is beyond Its capacity an electric bell Is set ringing, the maelilno declin ing to execute a task of which It If lucapable.