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About Bohemia nugget. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1899-1907 | View Entire Issue (March 28, 1902)
P PI 1P1 '-T-J
Night has quite closed In. a night ex
ceptionally wild and violent, when once
more the sound of wheels upon the grovel
without catches Vern's car.
Perhaps idle had been listening for It
In even In n measure prepared for it,
lull even If bo, this does not present the
sudden agitated chance that overspreads
her face ns she hours It. Her pulses
quicken unpleasantly and she half rises
to her feet.
An hour, two hours, pass, and she is in
her room dressing for dinner, when a
i-ervant brings her a note.
"1 have to thank you for the kind in
vitation which Griselda gave me. Husl
ness matters have compelled me to come
here again for the last time to-night;
to trespass, for the last time, upon your
hospitality. I beg you will not let my
presence disturb you; my stay will be so
short that I dare to hope you will not
mark the coming or going."
A quick wave of color dye Vera's
face; she lays the letter with studied
slowness upon Uie table near.
"My compliments to Mr. Dysart, and 1
hoiM! he will dine with me to-night." she
says, calmly, but with an unconscious
touch of hauteur. How does he dare to
treat her like this, to persist in believing
or rather, to pretend to believe that
his presence is to distasteful to her?
What is he to her, one way or the other,
that she should care whether he was In
her house or out of It?
At dinner, however, she will have an
opportunity of widening his knowledge
tomcwhat. It will be the simplest thing
to let him see how utterly unimportant
an item he Is in the scheme of her exist
ence. There is a brilliant light in her
eyes as she turns to receive the woman
who has now come back with an answer
to her message to Dysnrt.
There Is a timidity in the woman's air
that worns her.
"Mr. Dysart's compliments and thanks,
madame, but he has already dined in
"Fasten this bracelet." says Vera, hold
ing out her arm. She is aware that the
woman is watching her, curiously if ner
vously, nnd she so moves that the sudden
pallor of her face, the sole thing that
shows her Indignation, shall not betray
her. "That will do; you can go," she
says after awhile. She sweeps down
stairs almost in the servant's footsteps,
and into the green drawing room, a
smaller apartment than the usual recep
tion rooms, and now looking delicately
cozy beneath the touches of lamps and
firelight, and with the perfume of many
flowers hanging around it.
The wind, the thunder, the lightning,
still rage, but the rain has ceased, and
!n the murky heavens above, a pale, sick
ly moon is striving feebly to break a way
through the dense clouds. Suddenly the
door Is thrown open by an agitated hand,
and the woman who had attended her
upstairs comes hurriedly, without cere
mony, into the room.
"Oh, madame, I thought you would like
to know that you should be told " she
ctops, frightened by the expression on j
"Well?" says Vera, going a stop nearer
"There is a ship in great distress, ma
dame somewhere out there," pointing
vaguely in the direction of the ocean,
"upon the rocks, they say! There is
scarcely any hope"
'IBut the life-boat?" cried Vera, sharp
ly, forgetting everything now but the aw
ful thought of death and death so near
ut there upon those cruel rocks, with
the boiling, murderous waves leaping to
receive their prey.
"Yes, madame, but that accident yes
terdayyou will remember it? they say
it has disabled six of the men, and it is
almost certain death to go at all, and the
hands being short, there must be volun
teers, and who will risk their lives "
the townbred girl stops short with a
quiver, and covers her face with her
"Volunteers! W'iere is Mr. Dysart?"
cries Vera, suddenly, with prophetic In
stiuct. "Speak, girl!" turning fiercely on
"Gone down to the beach, madame, to
see what can be done."
"Gone!" says Vera, slowly, as if dazed,
and then again, "gone!" A little convlu
Mvc shiver runs through her It Is the
final breaking up of any lingering de
celts, tiny last illusions, that she may
still have clung to.
"Order the carriage," she says, after a
minute or two, during which mistress and
maid liuve remained silent. This sudden
wakiug-up has been so far a shock that
it has killed all immediate nervousness.
She feels chilled, calmed, strengthened.
The moon has In a measure conquered
the clouds, and now shines out with a
pale, wutery luster, that rather adds to
than takes from the weird wildnees of
the night. The thunder still rattles over
head, and vivid flashes light the black
ness. Here and there, as the carriage
passes by the outskirts of the wood, these
Intermittent bursts of light show where
u tree has been felled, or the road ripped
up, or a small bridge carried bodily
away by the force of the swollen cur
All through the deadly crashing of the
storm a booming sound may be heard at
long intervals. Half , maddened by it,
and by that other greater fear. Vera lies
back 'in the carriage, pressing her fin
gers row to her ears, now to her throb
bing brow, that feels as if It were burst
lug. Arrived at the entrance to the village, a
drive of about a mile from Greycourt,
bhe Btops the carriage, and opening the
door springs to the ground. A sudden
gust of wind passing by almost dashes
her to the earth, but by a superhuman
effort she defies It, and half blinded by
the flashing lightning, and bewildered by
the raging storm, she turns aside, and
runs panting, struggling, down a side
pathway that she knows leads to the
The wild scene that moots her sight
strikes terror to Iter heart. Thr mad
roaring of the waves that, mountains
high, rush impetuously inland to dash
themselves to pieces ugninst the granite
rocks; the cries of the women; the hoarse
calls of the men; the II inning, rostlosw
torches that fling a weird light upon the
picture; all serve-tn unnerve her.
And now a shout from the bench! A
dark object being dragged forward, a
valiant cheer, porhups meant to reach
those miserable souls hovering on death's
brink, and so give courage to their falling
hearts; It is the llfo-bont, and now
A tall tiguro has suddenly become
prominent; ho seems to tower aboe all
those around him. lie is evidently ad
dressing them with passionate words, and
now he springs into the boat, and with
renewed eloquence seems to compel those
present to follow him. His voice. In Its
vehemence, rises even above the storm.
Not that the stricken girl crouching with
in the shelter of her rook needs that tes
timony to know that it is he whom her
Vera staggers to her feet and stares
blindly into the semi-darkness. A hearty
cry goes up from those crowded together
ou the beach. The mists have cleared
away from the moon, and she can sot
as well as those eager watchers that the
five black spots that wore upon the rig
ging are no longer there.
They have been successful, then, so
far. They have taken those five half
dead creatures into the blessed lifeboat.
Surely, If the resouors could go through
such a sea in safety, they can return.
A blessed relief comes to her, so sharp
ly, so unpreparedly, that she almost given
way beneath it. The good ship, indeed,
is goDe! Where the black. Indistinct mass
stood a minute since, now all is bare
there Is but sea and sky, and the memory
of it! Hut the lifeboat still lives.
Kvery onward dash of the tempestuous
waves drives the lifeboat the more sure
ly into shelter, until at last It touches
ground. A hundred eager hands are
stretched out to prevent the returning
wave from carrying it backward, some of
the men, more adventurous than the rest.
rush into the surging tide up to their
waists and seize the boat and drag it for
cibly into safety.
Dysart, springing to land, helps out the
rescued men, now exhausted by fear and
exposure one of them, indeed, has faint
edbut there are kindly arms open to
receive them nnd kindly voices to bid
them welcome and to praise the God of
sea nnd land for their delivery from
death this night.
With a hurried wave of the hand he
turns abruptly away from the cheering
crowd and the dancing torchlights, and
makes his way through the heavy dark
ness toward the small pathway that will
lead to the road above. Stumbling, un
certain, and feeling altogether exhausted,
he nevertheless finds it, and puts out his
hand to grope for the rock that he knows
stands at the right side of it, where the
"Good heavens, what Is this? He
starts violently, and then his fingers fast
en with almost convulsive energy over
the small cold band that has been thrust
into bis. A sharp little cry breaks
through the darkness, and then the cold
hand is hurriedly withdrawn, and two
arms are thrown round him, and cling to
him with passionate vehemence.
"It is you you! And you are safel
Oh, Seaton! Ob, thank heaven, thank
Whose voice is It? Not Vera's? Vera!
and yet the clinging arms are warm, liv
ing, and genuine; the sobbing voice is
real; a small disheveled head is very close
to him very! What has happened? Has
he gone mad?
He is ghastly pale, white as the death
from which he has but just now bo nar
rowly escaped, and across his right tem
ple there Is a slight streak of blood, still
wet. This adds to his pallor. Vera, see
ing it, shudders violently, and involun
tarily, almost unconsciously, lifts her
hand, and presses her handkerchief to
"Speak!" says he, and now the word
Is a command. It rings sharply. There
is a very anguish of doubt In his tone,
and his eyes, burning into hers, are so
full of desperate question, that they ut
terly unnerve her.
The strain of the past terrible hours
has been too severe, and now she sinks
beneath it. She bursts into tears.
"Oh, yes, yes, yes!" she cries, giving
him thus vaguely the. answer he requires.
In a moment his arms are round her,
crushing her against bis heart. To him
those incoherent words are full of sweet
est meaning. Yes, she loves him. Who
shall tell the joy this knowledge brings
him joy that Is almost pain?
"Darling, darling!" whispers he, softly.
And then after a little while, "I am too
happy. I do not know what to say. I
cannot speak." And then again, "May
I kiss you?"
He does not wait for permission, bnt
presses his lips to hers dear lips, that
kiss him back again, with honest, heart
The British marquis working before
the niast has turned up In St. Helena
on a sailing vessel plying between En
gland and Australia, according to the
St. Helena Guardian. It is the Marquis
of Graham, eldest on nnd heir of the
Duke of Montrose, 21 years of age. He
wants to And out all about the mer
chant marine and to earn a master's
Japan Imports American springs and
manufactures clocks so cheaply that
only the very lowest grades can be Im
ported. Live only for to-day and you ruin to
J2 - .v.-. --r
AMERICA Willi ENGLAND AND JAPAN.
Il- V. S Senator SlcfDI H. Ciifom.
The alliance bo
tvteou Kiiglinid Hid
Japan to protect
ilio territorial intog
III of t'liina .Hid
I'orea I regard lit
a formal adopt Inn
of the policy of the
I o'tfil States In
.-.imection with the
eastern question. It
is in lino with the
policy or the I' tilt
ed Statot sot rorth
in the Hay unto to
the powers of Juno II. 101KI, In which the
position of the I' it it oil States was sot
While we are not permitted under our
form of government to form alliances of
this kind with foreign powers, we lire
permitted to announce our declaration
of principles on questions as they arise.
If other powers see the wisdom of adopt
ing our suggestion and carry out the
Kiiropenn custom of forming alliances of
offense nnd defense, that it not our af
fair. In the present instance fours hae
boon entertained that certain powers
wore looking with lustful eyes upon cer
tain territory in the fur Knst. Such a
taking over of territory might bo Injuri
ous to American Interests, commercial
! and otherwise. At an opportune moment
. our government took a firm stand in he
I half of American Interests without vlo-
lilting any of the tixod principles of diplo
matic Intercourse, nnd at the same time
maintaining a dignified neutrality.
I The attitude assumed by the I'ntted
States was right and proper, its subse
quent events demonstrated, and now, at
n further vindication of our contention,
Knglaud and Japan have formed a
friendly alliance to prevent the divition
of China by designing power. We do
not propose to interfere or bci-onio invok
ed in a forelgu war. but we reserve the
right to assert our rights and see that
our Interests are protected.
HOW TO AVOID TAKING COLD.
Iiy C C. Sheer. 1. D.
A cold mny be in
duced by exposure,
of proper mid sutli
clout clothing, or
lack of nourishing
food. Taking cold
Is more a matter oi
than of tempera
ture; that is
some of the worst
colds are contract
UlU l. l. blu.bi.
without cause. Fatigue und a run-down
condition of the system causes more se
vero colds than all the blasts from Medi
cine Hat. If a man has pure blood,
steady nerves und n good digestion, lo.w
temperature or a slight draught doesn't
often nffect him unfavorably.
The cause of the sensations of cold 1
more ofteu internal than external, nnd
those who go shivering about under or
dinary circumstances can't remedy mat
ters much by putting on an extra supply
of heavy clothing. Warm clothing will,
of course, help to offset u low tempera
ture, but it will not make you warm if
there's some Internal reason for the chil
liness. Most people wear too much heavy
and improper clothing in winter. Many
swathe their throats when it's warm
stockings they need. Clothing should be
warm, but not extremely heavy, and the
practically air-tight suitings often worn
are an abomination. Under these the
skin is unable to breathe, and when the
skin is out of breath the owner of the
skin will be cold if he's clad in furs a
A man who seems perfectly well, but
who shivers on slight exposure to cold
has something wrong with his circulation,
or his blood is impoverished by Imperfect
digestion. Tuke care of the body and
encourage circulation; eat plain, whole
some food that will make pure blood,
breathe pure air, take plenty of exercise,
indulge in frequent bathing and ventila
tion of the skin and avoid air-tight
clothes as you would the smallpox.
While severe draughts are always to
be avoided, foul air is worse than
draughts: indeed. If one is in prime con
dition ordinary draughts are little to be
feared, while lack of ventilation is al-
SHE IS ONE OF FOUR.
A Surviving Widow of the ItcTOhltloil
The war for American Independence
began 128 years ugo, and, remarknblo
as It may seem, tbo United Stutcs
government Is still
as a result of that
course, nono of
the soldiers who
participated In the
war under Georgo
still alive, but
there survive four
widows of revo
uiis. iAKuY jum.ii umj these aged
women draw pensions of $12 per
month. These venerublo pensioners
nre -Mrs. Itebecen Mayo, Newborn,
Vn.; Sirs. Ithoda Augusta Thomson,
Woodbury, Conn.; Mrs. Mnry Snead,
PnrkHley. Vn.. and Mrs. Nancy Jones,
Jonesboro. Tcnn. Mrs. Jones has In
terested Congressman Walter H.
Hrownlow, of Tennessee, nnd ho hns
undertaken to have the $12 pensions
Increased to $25.
Mrs, Jones Is the. widow of Darling
Jones, q soldier of the Revolutionary
War. When they went married he
wns 70 year and she 10. Ho lived
ten years nfter they were married nnd
their son. William, lives In Joneslinro.
Mrs. Jones lives on n tiny farm of llvo
utres In a three-room cottage built
nearly forty years ago. She hits n gar
den and a vegetable plot, and raises
I bhNATUIt 11 t.l.vlU
miijs it menace The body needs n pure
air Imtli just as It needs a water bath.
Few people midci'statid how desperately
the skin require tentiliition, and ninny
do not expose their entire bodies to the
nlr onoo from September to Juno. In
cold weather the warm tub bath should
bo used sparingly, nnd never immediate,
ly before going outdoors, but a sponge
bath followed by vigorous friction, every
body should have once a day. Speaking
of the sponge bath, I don't mean to use
a sponge; It'. a germ ami tilth currier.
I'se your hand or it coarse wath rag,
nnd boll the rag nfterwnrdt. The thought
less uiiclonnllnost of some decent people
It entirely beyond comprehension, l.aim
dry blllt will prevent tunny who are not
plutocrats (nun changing midcrweir
daily, but It nt least mny be ventilated
every twenty-four hours, one suit being
nlred while the other I worn.
Kxerolte In the open nlr, dross sensi
bly, out plenty of plain, wholesome food,
don't neglect the witter bnth or the air
bath; sleep enough, don't worry, nnd
ton to one you won't take cold on every
THE ART Or MAKING A LIVING.
Iiy touts r. rosr.
It may seem queer that a man
of my nbility In making money
should presume to tell you how
to make a living. You might
naturally conclude that Mr.
Carnegie, who lint amassed a
fortune of unknown millions, or
Mr. Schwab, who hn.t risen to a position
which pays u salary of $l.(MHI.0Ol) a year,
would bo mure nble to tell how one enn
make a living. Hut that supposition is i
not altogether true. The mini who know
the theory of any practice cannot always
carry out his ideas.
Now. what Is the present stote of liv
ing in this country? 1 am not a pessi
mist, but I must say that condition are
fearful. A young mini who leaves col
lege to-day to earn a living hns a hard
tune of it. He hits one chance In Ml,
000,000 to become President of the coun
try and about as good a chance to become
rich. He has a little better show of
amassing a fortune, but the chances nro
few. It is all the time said that there
is room nt the top, and so there Is. The
whole society hat been divided Into two
classes the great class at the bottom and
t1L. mtle class at the top. The ordinary
man has no chance at all. It is only the
extraordinary man who can get to the
top. He must have little regard for any
thing save victory.
Wages have fallen during the Inst thir
ty years to an alarming degree. Thirty
years ago a stenographer could get $1.
500 a year readily; now- he can get $20
a week with ditliculty. In other lines of
work it Is the same story. The rich be
come richer ond the poor have their
In the mining district In Pennsylvania
the children, from 0 years of age, begin
to pick dirt out of coal. Then they go
Into the mines and work until they arc
old men nt -ir years. Then they return
to the screens nnd pick dirt with the
thlldren of another generation until they
die. Their life Is void of all save work.
I tell you that the people who tell you
there is a good chance to make a good
living in this country are fools. Now you
will say that I am a pessimist, but I say
that I am an optimist, because I see the
HOW TO CHOOSE A WirE.
By Rer. J, W, lauahtln.
One of the earliest methods of
selecting a wife was by barter.
Later it was by enpture. To
day marriage Is supposed to be
based on the consent of both
parties. Under the blessed in
fluence of the gospel woman
stands on an equal plane with man, und
her likes und dislikes must be considered.
No man should ever think of choosing
a wife without making It a mutter of se
rious prayer. John It. Gough und Mary
Whltcomb were betrothed, but so earn
chickens for sale, by which means slid
manages to eke out her little Income.
"My only nmliltlim Is to wive money
enough to bury mo decently nnd have
u nlco toiubstono over my husband
nnd myself." sho says.
Visitors to tho section of Tennessee
In which she Ihes always go to see
Mrs. Jones, nnd she hits timny re
quests for her nutogrnpli. These she
Is compelled to refuse, ns sho cannot
write. She !s nearly 00 years of age.
Talking nt Hon.
The marvels of wireless telegraphy
nre great enough to render a recent
use of the system not sufHclcntly won
derful to be extraordinary, perhaps,
yet tho Incident reported by Chnmbers'
Journal Is one which nppculs to the
Two Ciinard liners, tho Lucnnla and
the Campania, were crossing tho At
lantic In opposite directions. Knch,
knowing tho date of the other's sail
ing, could innko n calculation as to
the hour when they would most likely
meet. When tho hour came, (ho ves
sels were too far apart to sight each
other Presently, however, tho wnm
Ing bell of the wireless telegraphic ap
paratus In the Cnmpanln tinkled, and
the message wns spelled out: "Are
you there? Lucanln." ,And then the
two vessels, still Invisible to each oth
er, nnd, as It was found, thirty-six
miles npart, talked for sonio hours, ox
changing experiences as to tho weath
er nnd finally parting with tho word
"good-by," when they wero a hundred
and forty miles asunder.
Such a conversation curried on be
j n i i . i i
( ,i ,ii i.. i lii ,M'i. 'i,.' i
est wore they to have divine guidance
John said he forgot to Ulss Mitry until
after they wore married.
There nre IiuiiiIioiIh of men who hnve
worked out or debt, paid for their homes
ami made money who, If they wore l
toll the story of their lives, would give
the i re, lit to the wife who lolled nt tholr
Duo essential In a good wire Is common
sense just plain common sense, and Willi
Hint she will soon learn not lo sew on
while biittoiM Willi blnck thread, and
to make biscuits and pancake Just like
jour mother used to iiinke them.
Another essential Is religion. Itollglon
softens und soothes mid lunkos agreeable.
It warms the heart and quiets Hie tongue.
For the position or wire mid mother
there Is n demand to-ilny for the best
trained women the best colleges can pro
duce. She who Is ambitious to bo an
ideal wife anil mother will lit herself for
the broadest lire possible by a thorough
THE LDUCA1I0N Or GIRLS.
Iiy Hr. Jefferson fMM.
The most favor
able moral educa
tion a girl can have
Is the exnmplo ol
her mother. If she
ruth, justice, sill
ness, n large char
Ity for oilier -
that Is, If she
leads a Christian
lire, It will impress her child more than
any dogma thai can bo iiiciilcatcd in her
In lengthy lecture, tr. added to this, the
mother hits the self-control to notice the
child's little rails and fancies and treat
them respectfully, ami if the child be ill
lowed the largest liberty consistent with
the proper enre of her, there will bo little
to fear ror her future. .Most girls will
sedulously avoid errors which their moth
ers do not dnlly commit. A good exam
nle is the tirnctlcal demonstration of n
moral theory, and Is worth more than all
the sermonizing one ran utter.
Too many mothers forget good manners
In Intercourse with their children. I hey
do not use the little elegancies which, If
forgotten toward a stronger, they would
consider unpardonable. 'Ibis obviously
is wrong. The linblt of trusting children
to the care of servants in the nursery In
the formative period or their lire is n
very vicious one, no matter how trust
worthy the servants. No one can give
a chllil that close attention which l
prompted by n mother's love.
No mother can esrnpo the dreadful re
sponsiblllty of the moral education of
her daughter. I confess to being unable
to give any formula for Its performance
except solf-nbiicgntlon and eternal vigi
lance. Ultra fashionable mothers may
say: "I am too busy to devote myseir to
my children." True, perhaps, but why?
'Hie child has a natural and first claim
to her mother's sedulous attention during
the formative period of her life, which I
think Is from birth to the twelfth or fif
teenth year of her youth, and the claims
or society should be secondary to this
PUBLICITY A CURE TOR DIVORCE.
By Juilffo Henry ttlschott.
There can lie no doubt that
publicity would be a strong old
In Impelling a firmer belief in
the indissolubility or the mar
riage tie. The tendency or di
vorce legislation to-dny Is to
ward increasing rather than dis
couraging applications ror judicial sep
aration. New grounds or divorce are
constantly being Incorporated Into our
law notwithstanding that the general
public sense has been greatly shocked by
the ease with which divorces may already
be obtained. With many It is only a
question or financial ability and n few
months of leisure to Insure success in ap
plication for divorce. They nre fnellltut
ed, too, by the secrecy with which di
vorce Iltlgutlon Is so frequently conduct
ed. Publicity In nil 'divorce proceedings
would undoubtedly chock their frequen
cy. It would direct public attention to
the evils of divorce nnd create a strong
reeling against it. Sometimes instances
occur where the Interests of the children
justify secret divorce proceedings, but no
interest of public policy require this.
The home, which Is the unit of the na
tion's strength, should be protected.
tween vessels In the open ocenn, srp
aratcd by such a vast stretch of wa
ter, and out of sight of each other, Is
an Impressive Illustration of what
wireless telegraphy means.
Imw to I'romoto Honesty.
"Wo have an old statute In Arizona
making It a misdemeanor for a hotel
or restaurant keeper to sot out viands
on his bill of fare that lie Is not actual
ly able to serve," said Clarkson South
aid, of Illsbcc, "and It might well be
udopted here. It was enacted many
years ago when prospectors and others,
returning to tho towns after months of
privation, wero deluded and enrinrnil
by elaborate bills of faro, to find after-
wurd that the only articles they could ' Hnii?" Aorons "Oh, he vas on dor
really get to eat were bacon and beans, Jury." Ufc.
us usual. So many shootings resulted "Hut, inummn," said the bountiful
that this law wits enacted nnd for n South American heiress, "do yon ho?
time was strictly enforced. The neccs-' lleve I will have liny trouble In belui
slty for Its enforcement has long since received In society In the United
passed, but It has never, so fur as I Htntes?" "I don't see why," answered
know, been repealed." Philadelphia her mother; "you have plenty of mon
Times. ey, and you can make tho best of them
At Ilurenln Hut en.
"Charles," sold tho uffectionnto little
wife, "didn't you tell mo thoso blue
chips cost $1 apleco?"
"Well, hero's n whole box full of all
colors that I bought n't a bargain couu-
tcr for 75 ccnts."-IIarlem Lllo.
Some or the old classics nro so hot
that n person really ought to handle
thcra with a pair of longs.
It's what you do, not whnt you say
you are going to do, that counts,
An Insinuation: They claim to bit
riMiuecleil Willi sotne of Hie bisjt fam
ilies." "Iiy telephone'"- Philadelphia
Sarah- She's worth a million. ul Jusl
the right ago for you. Jerry-Any girl
worth a million In Ilio right M for
inc. - London Tlt-lllts,
llrciitiHC you nre belter llinri Ike man
you desplho does not menu UiS you
are not worse tliiiu Ihoso wh sWplHn
you.-- New York Press.
Kdlth Von say Mr. (loldley deprived
Kdllh dreadfully about Ids ugo?
Gladys- Yes, poor girl! After they
were man led he confessed thut ho wns
only sixty Instead of Hovolily-Uvr.
CiiNsldy-Why don't ye ate yrr din
ner? Casey - Sbtire, this Is Frnlday, an'
Ol'm woiiderln.' Cnssldy-What are yn
wonderlu'V Casey Is tnille soup llsh
whin It's Hindu out o" vealV Philadel
Guest (Impatiently)-Hay, waiter, how
long have you been employed here?
Wullrr 'limit n week, snh. Gtirsk-Oh,
Is that nil? Then I must huv give
my order to some other waiter. Chi
cago I tally News.
Pleasant While It LnHled: "What
would you do If you woke up soinn
morning to tlml Hint you had Inherited
a million dollars'" "I'd turn ver tm
the other side and try to drran It
again." Chicago llecord Herald.
The Author's Privilege: An snthor
wrote to his publisher: "Can I hope for
any royalties from my book this yenrV"
Tho publisher replied: "Yes, you ra
hope. There's nothing In the world lo
hinder yoii."-Atlnntii Consiltutlon.
The Test In Harlem. Giizztim (after
he bus succeeded In waking bis nlfe)
Open the dorsh! Mrs. (inr.zum (bead
out of the second-story window) Am
you sober? Gn.znin - Yesh. Mrs. Giiz-znin-Tlieti
say reciprocity. Ilurleu
Collapsed llulldlng: "Kane alive,
Mike! We're rest'iiln' ye." Voire (frets
the debris) Is big Clancy op there wld
ye? "Sure he Is." "Ast III lit nnd li
bo so kind us f step ulT the rooliis. I've
enough on top at me wldout him."
Why lie llcturiioil: "Did you rome.
back for something you forgot?" aski-d
Mrs. Hurley, when her husband return
ed to the house n few minute after
leaving. "No, my dear," replied he, "I
enmo back for something I rcmomlior-ed."-
"What Is the mutter'" nsked the lit
erary man's friend. "I don't know
what I um going to do about (his
week's work." "Whnt is the trouble?"
"I enn't think of nny Interesting ijties
linns to ask myself In my Answers t
Correspondents column." Washington
He My dear, wo hnve ennss for
congratulation. I have Just recrhrcd
notice of an unexpected Increase f
ten dollars per month In my wages.
She--You dear, sweet, lovely ld hoy.
How perfectly charming you nre whe
under the Inllueiicu of the X-raUe.
Doctor (finding patient emptying a
bottle of wine) Here, here, my good
man, this will never tlo. That's the
causa of all the trouble. Facetious
Patient-Well, then. 1111 yonr claws.
doctor. Now wo'vo found the cne,
the sooner we get rid of It the better.
Detroit Froo Press.
In n t nnd Kurlous. Ilnckstop I'm
glad to sen that you are making a
inline for yourself ns nn anther, old
mini. Scrlblet (modestly) Yen. lien
ors are being heaped on inr. Why, it
was only yesterday that I learned that
my latest book hud Ih'cii throw cut
of the Boston Library. -Ilnznr.
Composite: Diislmwny (jullldrtver
seems to be a fellow of extremes-one
who writes awful slush and sublime
prose, and who Is nt the same time m
Idiot und n genius. Clevcrtnn Where
did you get such an Idea? Dnshawiiy
I ve Just been rending the reviews of
his latest book.- Harper's lla.ar.
Pnpu's Consent. Him Isn't It love
ly? Pupa consents. He Does be, real
ly? She -Yes. He wanted Is know
who you weie, und 1 told him yon were
upe-elerk tit Scrimp A: Co.'u, and lie
seemed real pleased. Ho I am delight
ed She Yes, und he said we could
be married Just as soon as yo were
tnlten Into the linn. New York Week
ly. Quite another matter: Anrons "Did
you hour dot latest aboud KlukelstnlnV"
Jacobs "No. Vat vas It'" Aarona
Vy, he gave twenty-live tousand dol
lars last Friday to dot leedlu poy vut
viis run over nilt dcin street cars."
Jacobs "Is Flnkclstcln gone grxr.y al-
ready? Vot alls him dot he do such a
look like small change when It comes
to being a daughter of the revolution."
Ills face was pinched nnd drawn.
With faltering footsteps he wended his
w,ly "",0"B 11,0 m,Htll"K tliro"K' Ano
1,0 I,nu"1' "Klml 8lr." he "claimed,
"wl11 not Kvo "l0 n lo,,r "r UrcnA
for my wlfo and llttlo ones?" The
stronger regarded him not unkindly,
"Vttr 1,0 " from ,no" ll! rejoined, "to
tako advantage of your destitution.
Keep your wlfo nnd Utile ones. I do
not want them," And, turning upon
bis hod, ho strodo away.