2B
|
APRIL 15, 2021 | COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL
Humor at the Speed of Life
James Kazad — (Remembrances of life before COVID)
I’m spending in right
field. I think Patsy
Sullivan from DeSoto,
Texas, summed it up
best when she asked:
Have you quit yet?
As I told Patsy, I’m
not a quitter. In fact,
I expressed this to my
teammates during a
recent huddle, when
we found ourselves
down by two runs
heading into our last at
bat, which inspired me
to throw my hand out
and chant, “I WON’T
QUIT YOU!”
After an uncomfort-
able moment in which
all 13 of my teammates
guzzled beer simulta-
neously, we decided
to stick with “RUNS!”
as our chant. After-
ward, we also decided
I would be required to
submit all chants on
paper before any team
huddles.
Craig Pearson of
Lake Powell, Ariz.,
wanted to know how
we’re doing in the league
standings. Currently, we
are 3-3 after losing to
our local radio station’s
team. I should mention
that KXCR is undefeated,
thanks to a hard-hitting
line-up, ironclad defense
and a team of players
committed to avoiding
any mistakes that could
send them back to Cuba.
To our credit, we did
manage to keep things
close — at least until KX-
CR’s timely clutch hitting
sparked a 12-run rally
late in the bottom of the
first inning.
Answering your
painful questions
about my softball
season
L
ast summer, I joined
a men’s softball team
after not participating in
anything athletic since
(conservative estimate)
the golden era of dodge-
ball in the early ‘70s.
In response, I received
letters and emails from
readers offering encour-
agement, support and,
in an isolated incident, a
lucky athletic cup from
someone named “Derek.”
Admittedly, I was cu-
rious as to what quali-
fied this particular cup
as “lucky.” His response
should be a lesson to us
all regarding the dangers
of continuous baseball
usage.
“I used to get hit —
there — almost every
game,” Derek explained
in a note. “Sometimes
two or three times. But
my [censored] never got
hurt.”
Though he didn’t men-
tion it, I suspect Derek
also has a “lucky” batting
helmet.
Regardless, many of
you have expressed an
interest in knowing
how the season is going,
whether I’ve had a hit yet,
if jock itch has been an is-
sue, and how much time
Attention Hunters!
Now is the time to select your 2021 hunts
Complete your Controlled Hunt Applications
Online at MyODFW.com
Until then, it was pretty
much anybody’s game.
Nancy Smythe of At-
lanta, Ga., asked how I’d
rate my personal perfor-
mance so far this sea-
son. I can answer that
question in two words
that, coincidentally, just
happen to be my official
softball nickname:
“Rally Killer.”
That’s right. When our
team is tired of running
bases during a two-out
rally, I’m the man they
turn to. In our last game,
the outfielders actually
left on a beer run when
I came to bat. I’m happy
to say I made them regret
that decision by connect-
ing on a line drive that
knocked over their bev-
erage cooler.
To answer a question
from Pete Schuster of
Cleveland, Tenn.: We’re
not the best team; we’re
not the worst team.
However, I’m pret-
ty sure we’re the only
team with a certified
horticulturalist in the
line-up.
This is very helpful
because, in addition to
being a good ballplay-
er, this individual also
knows that chopped
beach grass, distrib-
uted evenly within a
beverage, can cause a
person’s throat to swell
shut for as long as three
to four inn…
I mean approximate-
ly an hour.
Hey, he only men-
tioned this so we could
recognize the symp-
toms; just in case one
or more of our oppo-
nents suddenly drop
to the infield clutching
their throats; possibly
even during the play-
offs.
Until then, I’ll keep
standing in right field
with my glove held high.
Who knows? Some-
thing might even land in
it?
To our valued readers:
Help small businesses affected by
coronavirus right now, including ours.
Businesses of all sizes have been hit hard in this challenging new age of
social distancing and self-isolation, but the blow has been catastrophic for
small operations that rely on in-person transactions. There are many ways to
help, like purchasing gift certificates or memberships, and yet there are many
service-type businesses that don’t have that option.
As we look to a new year, we’re celebrating what connects us as a community,
and what we can do to support our local businesses!
THAT’S WHY WE CREATED THE SUPPORT LOCAL TOGETHER CAMPAIGN.
The Support Local Together campaign will help local businesses who have to
choose between promoting their business and paying the electric bill. It will
also help support the Cottage Grove Sentinel, who has seen a strong decrease
in advertising revenue, but an increase in readership.
Don’t wait to apply this year.
IT DOES TWO THINGS.
1. Funds advertising dollars for local businesses
Your financial support will go directly to fund advertising that our local businesses need to stay top of
mind.
Apply Now at MyODFW.com
Prepare for unexpected
power outages with a
Generac home standby
generator
2. Supports local journalism
By becoming a supporting member, you are helping to replace some of the advertising revenue the
Cottage Grove Sentinel has lost due to the pandemic.
REQUEST A FREE QUOTE!
877-557-1912
FREE
HERE IS HOW TO SUPPORT:
7-Year Extended Warranty*
A $695 Value!
Off er valid February 15 - June 6, 2021
Special Financing Available
*To qualify, consumers must request a quote, purchase,
install and activate the generator with a participating
dealer. Call for a full list of terms and conditions.
Subject to Credit Approval
One solution for oxygen at home, away, and for travel
• Call 541-942-3325 x 1200
• Make a donation of your choosing.
• Choose a specific local business that you would like the advertising credit to go to, or leave that blank
and we will designate it to a business we know needs help.
Introducing the INOGEN ONE – It’s oxygen therapy on your terms
No more tanks to refi ll. No more deliveries. No more hassles with travel.
The INOGEN ONE portable oxygen concentrator is designed to provide
unparalleled freedom for oxygen therapy users. It’s small, lightweight,
clinically proven for stationary and portable use, during the day and at night,
and can go virtually anywhere — even on most airlines.
Inogen accepts Medicare and many private insurances!
Reclaim Your Freedom And
Independence NOW!
Call Inogen Today To
Request Your FREE Info Kit
1-855-839-0752
© 2020 Inogen, Inc.
All rights reserved.
MKT-P0108
BACKED BY A YEAR-ROUND
CLOG-FREE GUARANTEE
CALL US TODAY FOR
A FREE ESTIMATE
15
%
OFF
+
YOUR ENTIRE
PURCHASE *
1-855-536-8838
10
%
OFF
SENIOR & MILITARY
DISCOUNTS
Mon-Thurs: 8am-11pm, Fri-Sat: 8am-5pm,
Sun: 2pm-8pm EST
+
5
Our community is small but generous and we recognize there are many great organizations, like ours,
that could use your help.
We believe the vast majority of our readers have always shared our view of the value and necessity of a
strong local media and are
willing to provide support
Yes, I would like to become a 2020/21 Support Local Together Sponsor
equal to two or three cups of
Call 541-942-3325 x 1200
coffee a month to secure its
Mail sponsorship form to: Cottage Grove Sentinel Supporter
future.
PO Box 35, Cottage Grove, OR 97424
Thank you in advance for
doing your share to secure a
strong local economy in the
community we are proud to
serve.
%
OFF
TO THE FIRST
50 CALLERS! **
| Promo Number: 285
*For those who qualify. One coupon per household. No obligation estimate valid for 1 year. ** Offer valid at estimate only. CSLB#
1035795 DOPL #10783658-5501 License# 7656 License# 50145 License# 41354 License# 99338 License# 128344 License# 218294
License# 603 233 977 License# 2102212986 License# 2106212946 License# 2705132153A License# LEAFFNW822JZ License#
WV056912 License# WC-29998-H17 Nassau HIC License# H01067000 Registration# 176447 Registration# HIC.0649905 Registration#
C127229 Registration# C127230 Registration# 366920918 Registration# PC6475 Registration# IR731804 Registration# 13VH09953900
Registration# PA069383 Suffolk HIC License# 52229-H License# 2705169445 License# 262000022 License# 262000403 License#
0086990 Registration# H-19114
Gary Manly
General Manager
gmanly@cgsentinel.com
541-942-3325 x 1207
$10
$20
$50
$100
Other Amount _______
Name __________________________________________________________
Address ________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
Phone__________________Email ___________________________________
Check
Credit Card
Name on Card:______________________Expiration date:_______________
Number:_______________________________________________________
Billing Zip Code: _____________ 3 Digit Security Code:_________________
BEST OF HAWAII
FOUR-ISLAND
TOUR
$
2,599
2,349 *
12 days, departs
year-round
TM
Do you have a specific business you would like to sponsor:
FROM
$
1-888-817-0676
promo code N7017
* Free date changes anytime up to 45 days prior to departure for land tours, up to 95 days prior to departure for cruise tours.
Deposits and final payments remain non-refundable. Prices are per person based on double occupancy plus $299 in taxes &
fees. Single supplement and seasonal surcharges may apply. Add-on airfare available. Offers apply to new bookings only, made
by 6/30/21. Other terms & conditions may apply. Ask your Travel Consultant for details.
COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL
UNITY WITH OUR
COMMUNITY
List here:
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
We will send a gift card to the business(es) of your choice with your
name. If would like to remain anonymous please check here.
*This sponsorship is not tax deductible.