Cottage Grove Sentinel
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THURSDAY | JANUARY 21, 2021
Humor at the Speed of Life
Pet Tips
‘n’ Tales
James Kazad — (Remembrances of life before COVID)
Open contempt
for those in better
shape is first step to
a healthier you
L
ike millions of Amer-
icans, I recently
stripped down, prepared
myself for the worst, and
stepped onto the scale.
Soon after, I retrieved
the scale from the front
yard and accepted the
fact that, yes — it proba-
bly was defective.
At my wife’s sugges-
tion, I tried our neigh-
bor’s scale. This led to
the discovery that, of the
23 scales I tested with-
in a five-mile radius of
our home, every single
one was off by exactly
11 pounds. Being a jour-
nalist, I had to wonder:
Was this a widespread
problem? Were we being
duped into needless ex-
ercise by faulty scales?
I immediately brought
this to the attention of
my editor, who, realizing
the implications, told me
to stay out of her candy
drawer.
The truth is, I have no
one but myself to blame
for putting on these ex-
tra pounds. This is why,
every year around this
time, people just like me
make a commitment to
start going to the gym.
I know this because I
recognize most of these
people from last year.
We all have the same
expression: grim deter-
mination mixed with
a sense of purpose in
knowing that, afterward,
there’s a KFC right across
the street. We come
dressed with headbands
and towels over our
shoulders even though
we spend most of our
time wandering around
the gym looking for our
water bottles.
After making this real-
ization, I was motivated
to do things differently
this time. Never again
would I splash water on
my face, then stand close
enough to someone to
appear as though we are
workout partners. It was
time to get serious about
fitness by accepting the
fact that the closest I’ll
ever get to having buns
of steel is if I happen to
leave the bread box open
overnight.
I’m 54, married and
have four teenagers; what
do I need washboard abs
for when I know perfect-
ly well that my wife gets
more turned on by me
doing the laundry?
With these things in
mind, I put together a
list of goals that will mo-
tivate me because they’re
actually achievable.
First: Buns of steel are
out. Instead, I will settle
for buns of aluminum
foil; as long as they can
hold their shape and
don’t leak, I’m happy.
Second: I understand
that my metabolism is
slowing down and, as
a result, my body’s fu-
el-burning
efficiency
is similar to a Humvee.
Unless I’m careful, I will
also weigh as much as a
Humvee.
Third: I will no longer
waste my time compar-
ing my body with anyone
else’s, especially if theirs
is better. This should
make my workouts twice
as productive since I will
be avoiding eye contact
with everyone else at the
gym.
And lastly: I will stop
using the scale as my
measure of success.
What’s the point, real-
ly?
They’re all wrong any-
way…
Bohemia Mining Days elects board, plans for 2021 festival
At its Jan. 5 meeting, the
BMD Board of Directors
elected its 2021 officers:
President Don Williams,
Vice President Dave
Johnson, Secretary Sylvia
Kitterman and Treasurer
Linda Oxley.
Former Festival Coor-
dinator Cindy Weeldrey-
er was appointed to the
board and joins direc-
tors Skye Hefner, Jimmy
Schaper, Linda Sexton,
and Wanda Mosegard.
At its Nov. 11 meeting,
board members appointed
Cottage Grove City Coun-
cilor Kenneth Michael
Roberts as its newest Bo-
hemia City Marshal, suc-
ceeding the late Bob Ehler.
Roberts becomes the
fourth marshal since the
annual event began in
1959. In addition to Ehler,
the previous marshals
were Henry Isaacs and
Gary Williams.
Not knowing if a large-
scale community celebra-
tion will be permitted in
mid-July, the board creat-
ed a “bare bones” admin-
istrative budget of $4,452
for this year.
Research is underway
to create an add-on bud-
get to produce a modi-
fied, smaller scale 1- or
2-day event (without cre-
ating Bohemia City) on
July 17-18, if the current
COVID-19 restrictions
on large-scale events are
lifted.
At its Jan. 27 meeting,
budget assumptions for
the smaller scale event
will be finalized and the
2021 budget will be ad-
opted. By early May, it will
be clearer if a community
celebration can happen so
the board set May 1 as its
“Go-No Go” date for event
planning purposes.
Tax deductible dona-
tions to support BMD can
be made by check, mon-
ey order or credit card.
Credit card donations can
be made online at www.
BohemiaMiningDays.org
or by mailing a check or
money order, payable to
BMD, to PO Box 1297,
Cottage Grove, OR 97424.
ODFW invites artists to compete in annual wildlife stamp art contest
Artists in Oregon and
throughout the world are
invited to compete in one
or all three of ODFW’s
2022 stamp art competi-
tions.
The winning artist in
each contest receives a
$2,000 award and winning
artwork is used to produce
collector stamps and oth-
er promotional items with
sale proceeds benefitting
Oregon’s fish, wildlife and
their habitats.
For more information
on contest rules and to or-
der art prints, visit www.
dfw.state.or.us/stamp_
contest/index.asp
Stamp art contests:
• Habitat Conservation
Stamp — Art entries must
feature an eligible species
from the Oregon Conser-
vation Strategy in its natu-
ral habitat.
Species include birds,
mammals, reptiles, am-
phibians, fish, inverte-
brates, plants and algae.
See contest rules and
entry form with a list of
eligible species.
• Waterfowl Stamp
Contest — Art entries
must feature the North-
ern Shoveler in its natural
habitat setting. See contest
rules and entry form.
• Upland Game Bird
Stamp Contest — All en-
tries must feature the Chu-
kar partridge in its natural
habitat setting. See contest
rules and entry form for
more information.
Entries will be accept-
ed between Aug. 27 and
Sept. 24, 2021 by 5 p.m.,
at ODFW headquarters,
4034 Fairview Industrial
Dr., SE, Salem, OR 97302.
Artwork can be mailed
or hand delivered. Pack-
aging tips can be found on
the final page of the con-
test rules.
We welcome all ages
and skill levels to partici-
pate.
A panel will judge art-
work based on artistic
composition, anatomical
accuracy of the species
and general appeal.
All artwork submitted
will be showcased at a free
art show open to the pub-
lic.
Collector’s stamps, art
prints and other promo-
tional materials are pro-
duced from first-place
artwork.
Proceeds from product
sales are used for wildlife
habitat improvement, re-
search projects and con-
servation efforts.
Interested artists are en-
couraged to visit ODFW’s
stamp art competition
webpage for more infor-
mation on the contests
and to view entries from
previous years.
from ODE and Oregon
Health Authority is pend-
ing.
• There will be no Crow
Middle School sports this
year.
• The county is still ob-
serving the corners on
Stoney Point. Please con-
tinue to follow the speed
signs, slow down, and stay
in your own lane.
• Utility work continues
on Cottage Grove-Lorane
Road for 4-5 miles from
about 1 and 1/2 miles
east of Lorane to just over
the hill towards Cottage
Grove.
Be alert and prepare to
slow or stop as flaggers
advise. Workers are along
the road.
• Lorane Christian
Church will continue to
hold drive in church and
inside to meet the needs
of their members and the
Community.
All wear masks and
maintain distancing. It is
a spot of normalcy in this
day of COVID-19 where
so many churches are
closed.
Thank you.
LORANE COUNTRY NEWS
Contributed by
Lil Thompson
for The Sentinel
• The CAL District asks
for patience as they begin
to prepare for returning to
the classrooms.
The state is expected to
release new guidance on
Jan. 19. Our district wants
to make sure a correct de-
cision is made based on
the guidance, the needs of
the families, and the safety
for all.
• Any high school stu-
dents interested in partic-
ipating in sports should
look at the District web-
site or the weekly BUZZ.
The district is still un-
sure if sports will be al-
lowed, but students need
to be ready. Pick up pa-
perwork from Cathy in
the office and physicals
need to be completed by
the first day of practice.
Call ahead to keep dis-
tancing.
• Proposals for first day
of practice are as follows:
- Football: Feb. 8
- Volleyball: Feb. 22
- Cross country: Feb. 11
Additional
guidance
By Mary Ellen
“Angel Scribe”
Bumping into a Miracle
Mary Ellen, Whyspurr and Myster E. share their latest
miracle.
I
n December 2020, when COVID was keeping us in-
doors, I drove to Best Buy shortly before they closed
on a mission of purr-chasing a freezer for homemade
cat food. With the virus numbers increasing, I was
concerned that food supplies or meat plant production
might slow. My cats’ household rule, “Do not run out of
food,” always needed to be upheld.
As you know, Best Buy is known for electronics and
appliances — not cat supplies — which makes this an
even more amazing miracle.
Once a freezer was located, the clerk said, “We can de-
liver your freezer tomorrow.” Then he added, “The deliv-
ery company will leave it at your door. They won’t come
in because of COVID concerns.”
“What good is that?” I replied feeling helpless. “I am
70 and won’t be able to drag it in.”
He insisted three times, “That’s the way it is.”
A masked-male customer purr-chasing a refrigerator
close by said, “Here is my phone number. Call me when
it arrives and I will help!”
His act of kindness was a fast answer to a prayer! A
miracle?
Then the clerk exclaims, “Oh-Oh, it can’t be delivered
for two weeks.”
I said, “That won’t work. I have a batch of cat food to
freeze.”
I turned to the masked stranger and boldly asked,
“What are you doing in the next 15 minutes? If I take a
freezer now, it would solve all my problems.”
The tall, broad man said, “I will follow you home.”
Then he added, “You know it is a funny thing. I came
into the store to buy a food saver to package my kitten’s
raw food. The store is out of them and instead I ended up
buying a mini fridge.”
Then like a good pet parent, he pulled out his cell
phone and shows photos of his gorgeous kitten. He then
followed me and the freezer home, hefted it out of the
car trunk, put it over his shoulder and carried it inside.
Within an hour of making the late-night decision to
purr-chase a freezer, with all the paw-tential delays, one
was plugged into my wall!
What are the odds of us both showing up on a cold-
dark Wednesday night, in a store (not known for pet
supplies), at 7 p.m. with sparse customers, both on a
mission for cats’ homemade food?
Cat Angels? Christmas Angels? An act of kindness?
All the above? The cats don’t care as long as they have me
to answer their every whim; a bed to sleep on, Animal
Planet to watch, food in their furry tummies — which
they deserve; of course.
Stay alert: You never know when or where your next
miracle will appear.
Note: The good Samaritan’s kitty story will follow in
a few weeks.
TIPS:
• Atira, a Seattle Tips ‘n’ Tales reader, wrote, “Prior to
discarding face masks cut the ear straps to prevent them
from blowing around dumps, off trucks, into waterways
and strangling animals or make their ability to walk
or feed themselves life threatening. If you see masks
or gloves beside a storm drain, use a produce bag in
your pocket to retrieve the items so they do not go into
oceans, rivers etc. saving wildlife.”
• Steve in Houston, Texas wrote, “The word ‘dumb’
does not refer to animals’ intelligence, it describes their
verbal communication abilities with humans. The Web-
ster Dictionary defines ‘dumb’ as; lacking the power of
speech, mute, inability to talk. Pay attention to your pets’
bodies which are constantly communicating with their
ears, eyes, fur and tails. It is a sign of our intelligence to
pay attention — we don’t want to look ‘dumb’ in their
eyes.”
Pandemic restrictions have made finding stories as
a “rover” reporter difficult, so email your stories: an-
gelscribe@msn.com
I am looking for another miracle. I have 111 pet mira-
cles ready for publishing. Know a publisher? Thank you.
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