The news=record. (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Or.) 1907-1910, January 06, 1909, Wednesday Edition, Image 2

The news=record., January 06, 1909, Wednesday Edition, Image 2

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Newspaper Page Textt ... .--,iVxn',iM'? jt s r T" . ? cr: 5 ff" , CMC 3 lxCCDC o , S- - 5' a 2 o 5 (Twice-ale.r - s ; fe S i?he. fetlSha?" Kewa? estabsl Birei gajcir S, JiK..J -, .; - I g &' ?,? "a? fgriferpnSe J3rWoS 6y0 T E2 hiTERPRTSS FESS a East gidj' 'ortote;('fciiar a 'Eat. c ST o ,...5- ....... 5 is Uilim:g4i.-ij iiiuh.ci . a !; Newsi-tecord , hiQ be8Tr-$J2 J" i,ea? tt'SUbscriptlAn lo the TwicFJ S 5. afihS' JffaDer vWI Oie $2.23 a yeai lgbiSt six moltf. lnvadiibly cas: sJn ajvohce. Jl'ffe new rigTViU B effect Kelicuarv 1. 1 J ju-.i. LTiili flf-ft' J! . . . Ti JTT . JnJt " ...in i. s iflat' uma snua:i kjlioiis win uc ;-ijeifceuy a V"!i yetr. i m i"" -? $idfti63 tlQ oei comic supplt t 50 r-; j. BERTY LbL p. ?rgn Phlladelphli North America; o fhe North American would be thi " list to advocat-5 a y.oldins to ever, equeat for the Liberty Bell to b jent hither and yon as a sort c sideshow attraction for unlmportan .ocal celebrations. But there ha come a plea for its preie:iee fro; across the continent which we thin should be heedel. Since the time when Seward va called "the fool of a century" fo paying a few mil'.ions to Russia fo Alaska, then deemel a barren, icj worthless wilderness, there ha grown a wonder city beilde a hai bor in which all the navies of th earth might lie in snug anchjragt And through that splendidly typica American city of Seittle there pans3 every year the go!den harvest o Alaska, a thousandfold greater a.i nually than the cost to America fo all that territory. And all the wh'li, southward o Seattle, Portland has been growing in size and stability worthy th name eastern touris's give to it "the Phlladelphli of the West. Benlde the Coljmbla river, whos pure flood makei the Mlsslssipc ugly and the Hudson petty and ur. impressive, with snow-cappod mowi talna in sight of the city's streots with every home the center of i garden, bowered with every varlet, of bloom, Portland la as proud of it' beauty as it Is of Its commercla strength and conservatism, and ibove all, of its Americanism. Those two cities are to celebrate their arrival at full stature unions American cities. Next summer thej invite Americans who know only thi iast and Europe to look upon ou. west. And, therefore, we thliil ill at- this plei which como3 t Philadelphia deserves the most re syectful and frUndly consideration To His Honor, the Mayor, the Se loct Council and the Commot Council, Philadelphia, Pa. Gentlemen: The Portlnnd Ros9 Festival nn the Alaalta-Yukon-Paclflc Expos! tlon of Seattle are extremely anx lous to have the dear old Libert, Bell brought to the Pacific coas In June, 1909. This sacred mem orial. whoje thrllllntr tones In spired our forefathers, has neve visited the great golden West We feel that it would prove a val ubie elucator to the rlalng gener atlons, and ins.lre them with thf patriotism that proves a sheet nn clior to the windward and a bill wark to our civil and rellgloun liberty. It you, honorable gentlemen, wll pass an ordinance making it los slble for us to secure the pres ence of the Liberty Boll, we wll Immediately arrange the financial details connectod therewith. Wt will send a guard of safety to meet the Bell and its guard ol honor at the state line, and watch over it care'ully until It lias passed out of our state confines Already the Mayors of hundred of cities and towns along the l"s slble routes the Bell might travel have volunteered to give the von Diablo and worshipful relic a wel come worthy of the importance Tens of thousands of school chll dren would gret the bell and smother it wl'.h flowers as they sang patriotic songs In coinnienio ration. In the event of a visit by the Liberty Bell, we asiure you that progress through the land will be the march of a conquering hero triumphant in a great and noble cause. With the sincere hope that you may grant our roquet we have the honor tj anbscrlbc ourself, youra very sincerely. The Portland Rose Festival. We can conceive of no more In 8pl ring lesson lv pUrlollsm than would be provide I by that Jealously guarded Journey of the Bell from the Dataware to Pugn sound and the Columbia. It Is wise and proper to ko?p that .o.ial relic from becoming a cheap ened, ever-traveling trinket. it should never leave Us shrine save dfl XTT. I OTP" !T U)j$-!t acrotug jmty'- p nftlk n f UMillTfc P&ll lepTuSl aaJJ fac t3l sota 3!s2. 9Vn; ,Jock& and over the ?1 c e Spanish ad let the Bell lonor, to thP fathers one the strongei )1W I rfntgre oivel, guarded !j jfi-er on earth over a disputed de ree of latitude. Let those ne.v geieratbns o, trong Americans ses for once thi acred thing which to them is bui name. Among tens of thousand: reverence will be inspired and r ..itiment Inculcated more dea; han we of the East can conceive rown careless as we have through cnualntance during generations witt ie concrete reminders of the na on's birth. ' The fostering of that spirit is eed of the nation now. Purely sen imeital as the results would be, tht hole country would find ultimate rofit in the sending of the Libert) .ell to lliwe Pacll'i-j el ls. Fever Sores. Fever sorei an 1 old chrjnic sores hould not be h-aled entirely, bu' iionld be lie;)t in heilthy condition 'his can bo done by applying Cham orlaln's Salve. This salve has nc uourior for thh purpose. It Is al :o most excellent ior chappec and dis sale b ands, sore nipple a, burns ise.i of the skin. For iurnatigh & .Mayfield. ADMINISTRATOR'S NOTICE. n the County Court of the State o Oregon, for Wal'owa County, i the Matter of the Estate o Murcha J. Brown, Doceased. Notice la hereby given, that the un erslgned, the administrator of th istate or Martha J. Brown, deceased ms li ed his final account of hit dministratlun of the Bald estati vith the Clerk of the County Cour l and for said County of Wallowa nd that the County Court of said allowa County, by order duly mad( ,nd entered, has fixed Thursday, Feb uary 4th, 1909, at the hour of ler 'clock in the forenoon of said day. 13 the time, and the County Court oom in the County Court House ii he City of Enterprise, in said coun y, as the place, to hear objections o said final account and settle thf ;ame, All partle3 Interested In sak Jta.e having objections thereto, il ;ny there be, aro notlflod to pre ;e:it the same, In writing, at said ime and place. Dated tills 4th day of January 909. J. A. BURLEIGH, Ulmlnistrator of the Estate ol .Vaitha J. Brown, Deceased. RESTORATION TO ENTRY OF LANDS Ir Nutioiiul ForcHt Notice is heroliy g-ivei hat the Uuula (UtHcriheri twlow. embracing- 112 icrea, wi'.hin the Wnllowa Nutiunul ForeHt, Ore 0:1. will lie Mubjvct to tiettlenient und entry unde he prtivk'iunM of the homestead laws of th JniUil Slates unit the act of June 11, liHKS (S !tat 23.11, at the Uniliil Suites lund ollke at U iraiiilnon Murch 4. liHKi. Any aeltler who Wfe ictuully and in iruod fuith claiming any of sail ai.dn for agricultural purposes prior to January 1, l:Hrti, und has not abandoned same, has a pref. -rence right to make a homesteud entry for thi umiB actually occupied. Suid lands were lister ipon the applications of the perHons mentioned low, who tiuve a preference right subject to tht trior right of any such settler, provided sucl iettler or applicant isquulitled to make homesteau tntiy ai d the preference right is exercised prioi o Murch 4. llHitt, on which date the lands will bt tultject to setl lenient and entry by any qualiflei jerson. The lands are as follows: The KVs 01 Wl. Sec. 1. of NWk Sec. 3B. T. 8 N.. K. 18 K., liMcd upon application of Maggie S. Beecher, if Enterprise. Onwon. NV4 of SVVtd, Lec. , iKW of NKW. HYM of SEW. Sec. 30. T. 2 S.. R. 17 E.. application of Adam K. Sheets, of Joseph, )reg.m. NEW of SK1-.. Sec. lil. SMi of NWW, .MW W of SWW. Si-c. 22. T. -i S., R. 47 E., applica .ion of tieorge W. Fifher, of Summerville. Ore Cnn. W ol SW W. Sec. 17, Ey of SEW, Sec. Is, P. 2 S.t U. 47 E., applicition of i'erry A. Foster, if Joseph. Oregon. NEW. Sec. 18, T, 2 S.. R. 4i application of George Kellogg, of Joseph, Jregon, N'of NEW. SWW of NEW. N WW 01 JEW, Sec. 7. T. 2 S It. 47 K.. application ol Walter Vatidcll. of Elgin, Oregon. SWW of NEW. ,VWof SEW. NEW of SWW. Sec 6. T. 2 S. K. 17 E., application of John tlray. of La Grande, .Iregt n. Freil Dennett, Commissioner of the .ieueral Land Ollice. Approved Dwember 211, dH8, JeKse E. Wilson, issistunt Secretary ol .he Interior. Lists UKU, l'JOS. 19tJ, 11H17. PUBLIC LAND SALE. Department of the Interior. U. S, Land Office at La Grande, Or egon, December 8th, 1908. Notice Is hereby given that, as di rected by the Commissioner of the General Land Office, under provls Ions of Act of Congress approved June 27, 190G (31 Stats., 61"), we will offer at public sale, to the high est bidder, at 10 o'clock a. in., , oil he 28th day of January, at this of fice, tho following-described land: WKj SE'.i Sec. 29, W4 NE4 Sec. 32. T. 1 N, H. 43 E. W. M, Serial No. OlSl. Any persons claiming adversely the above-described land are advised to file their claims, or objections, on jr before tha time designated for sale. F. A. C. BUAMWELL. Register. A. ROBERTS. Receiver. GAME LAWS. Any person knowing of any viola tlon of the game or fish laws of tht state, or of persons not properlj keeping screons over lrrlgatloi ditches, are requested to notify JOE CLEMON3, Deputy Slate Game and Forettr Wanlen, Zumwalt, Oregon. 41tf J whttre whitejnan he Iijfilanshen la.it f Jed, i ilk tLSiJi fe-'-i niia (Ml (Iica were "tha i X . r.,.w,.. ... .u j z whlcbho I II nri. n i meir lause For Thanks. By Charlotte Crrulher. Copyrighted. IMS. by the Associated 4' Literary Press. 4 mtAAvi When Dick Warinj? suddenly mar ried pretty Linda Mills, to whom, he had Just become engaged, Uncle Hen ry Waring danced wrathfully on the hearth rug and uttered direful predic tions. "I don't blame you for wanting to marry Linda," he said angrily, "but you should have waited another year before taking a wife and setting up housekeeping. To my certain knowl edge, Dick, you haven't got $500 out side of your salary, and" "I have my two hands," Interrupted Dick, with a dramatic gesture, "and I assure you. Uncle Henry, my wife shall not suffer." "Folderol!' snorted Uncle HeDry. "Your wife has two hands also, and I'll warrant she finds a use for them In a thousand ways yuu never thought of. Why, If you were to meet with an accident or have a long illness what Tveuld you do?" "I v.ould go to work then, Mr. War 'n::," said Linda, with spirit. "We will manage very nicely. Un cle Henry," said Dick haughtily. "I am sorry you feel angry about it; but, ns I have explained to you, after Linda's nunt died she was practically homeless, and I persuaded her to mar ry me at once. It's my fault." "That doesn't better the matter, you young Idiot!" retorted the choleric old gentleman. "Linda could support her self by her music for a yeur or two till you could earn enough to support a wife. As It is, you will suffer pov erty and deprivation and be sick of each other before a year rolls round!" Having delivered himself of this sentiment, Mr. Waring glared angrily at bis adopted son, and Dick, inherit ing the same family characteristic to a degree, glared back at him. Then, tucking his little wife's hand In bis arm, he left the commodious "SO HEBE YOU ABE," SAID CNCLE HENBY. and comfortable abode of his boyhood and sought a home of his owe. Uncle Ileury, left alone, polished his eyeglasses vigorously and looked up at the picture of Dick's father which hung above the chlmneyplece. "I've douo the best I could for him, Jimmy," he murmured huskily. "He'll have to paddle his owu canoe now." The next day he wrote to Dick and offered the two young people a home with blm. Linda could assume charge of the household, and Dick might take his old place as the favored son. Dick made no reply for a we;'k. r.:ul then he merely scribbled a few lines to say that they had furnished a Litle house at 5 Clement street, where they hoped Uncle Henry would come and see them. But Uncle Henry did not go. A year later Linda Waring was put ting the final touches to her dinner table. It was Thanksgiving day, and Dick was home for the holiday. She could see his dark head bent over a book in the next room. Presently Linda crept In and sat down on the floor beside his chair. "What Is the matter, Dicky?" she asked softly. "Something is bothering :rou." "It's Uncle Henry," confessed Dick fraukly. "I have felt beastly mean for the last twelve months since we have been estranged. He has been like a father to me, and well, I'm ashamed of myself." He reddened under her loving gaze. "Why didn't you say something be fore, dear?" asked Linda after a little pause. "You know I spoke to you about asking Uncle Henry to spend Inst Christmas with us. but you said he would not come, so 1 gave it up." "I was a fool, Linda." said Dick forcibly. "Time and again I've felt that I must be friends with him once more, and after the bank closed 1 would take a walk. Intending to stop In aud sec bliu. but the minute I got within sight of the house all this cursed Waring obstinacy would rise up and scud me past the house like a hot." "If that la the case," tald Linda, arising and bending over him, "I shall put on my things and run around and drag Uncle Ileury here by main force. I have laid a plate for him and" it is our place to go to him, Llndn." said Dick soberly. "Let us go to gether." "But my lovely dinner:" protested Linda, with a wistful glance toward the kitchen. "Let us take it with us. I want Un cle Henry to taste your pumpkin pies," replied her husband. Jumping to his feet. In half an hour the toothsome din ner wits snugly packed in two baskets, and the Waiings turucd their backs on 5 Clement street and boarded a trolley car. When they reached the Wariug man sion Dick ran up the steps like a boy ami pressed the bell button. After a long wait tho door opened, and the displeused countenance of Mary Michens, the cook, was thrust forth. "(Jood evening, Mrs. Michens." said Dick pleasantly. "Is my Uncle Henry at home?" "He is not!" replied Sirs. Michens souiiy. "Queer doings I call it when a lady bus cooked as Que a Thanks giving dlnuer as ever I see for him to set before It a minute and then Jump up and order It all to be packed in baskets: And him aud William has went away with It and me a-prouilslng my sister she should have a taste of that turkey and all I" Dick hesitated. "Perhaps he has pone to see us," he said In a low tone to Linda. "In that case he will be but k before long. Let us wait for him." Within an hour Mr. Henry Waring entered his house, very dejected and slightly irritable. "Take the baskets away, William. You and Mary Mich ens can divide the contents between you. Take your evening off, both of you. I wish to be alone:" Whereupon Uncle Henry flung open the library door and stumbled upon his nephew and Linda sitting before the cozy fire. "So here you are:" said Uncle Hen ry, blowing his nose violently. "Just been around to your place nobody home." Somehow no one could explain afterward Uncle Henry found him self sitting on the couch with nn arm around each one. "You were right about some things. Uncle Henry," said Dick humbly. "I can see that if I had waited a year Linda would not have had to work so hard. Most of the burden of econo mizing has fallen to her share. Show him your hands, Linda:" "Won't:" said Linda saucily. "But we managed to get along somehow. Uncle Henry. It took lots of love, but we were well provided with that com modity. And now we have brought our dinner! Shall we eat lt,togethcr?" "By all means," said Uncle Henry briskly. "The servants are all away, and we can have the place to our selves." ?'If you like. Uncle Henry, Linda and I will break up and come and live with you." said Dick slowly. "You are sure you won't mind having a wo man In your bachelor paradise?" Unde Henry looked from Linda's sweet face to Dick's stronger and more manly and with a deep content in his eyes. "Folderol!" said Uncle Henry, with vehemence. Makes Brave Men Cowarda. It has been proved that the compara tively harmless bombarding, so far ns wounds are concerned, of a besieged town is terribly demoralizing to the bravest men. When a shell bursts nenr a group of twenty men It may kill one and wound two, while the remaining seventeen escape without a scratch. It will be found, however, that many of these are never the same men again. No matter how Iron nerved they were before they are now irresolute and timid, and all their faculties are weak ened. Very often they are jeered at by their comrades because of this change, but this Is utterly unjust. In fact, their brain and spinal cord have been In jured by being violently shaken against the walls of their bony cavities. The same thing occurs In railway colll-tlo-.s. People who were robust become t.ul.e feeble and nervous, though they my not have received a scratch. This vui'locj state in the case of soldiers is well recognized by doctors under the name of the mental injuries of explo sives. The Injuries are really cmite ns physical .as a shattered leg, for they consist . of a kind of bruising of the very delicate tissue of the spinal cord and brain. A Roman Fortune Teller. A fortune teller of a lower order who lives In a dirty and obscure house Is constantly applied to by Jeal ous lovers. A girl who has a hated rival sends the latter under the veil of friendship to consult the fortune teller, who la prepared beforehand to fright en her from her pursuit of the man she loves. While the has mixes the cards and the girl wateliea three knocks are heard at the doer. "That is a bad sLju," says the witch. "It means tiat yau are not be loved." The fortune teller continues to lay Uie cards several times, but always wlti a bad result. Tba girl is told that the uiaa she loves has no Intention of marrying her and Is advised to have recourse- to all sorts cf magic, for which she pays a considerable sum. The rival who has seut her also pays the witch, who thus earns a double fee. The objects sold by the witch ns charms are many aud various. One Is a bit of ra?, another is a purse con taining salt, a bit of hay, some barley and some ual's. Tasse,chnrms are said to lose tlfeir power after a month or two. when they must be replaced. Chambers' Journal The ' Scrap Book A Doleful Future. Two ladles, who bad known each other In years gone by, met on the street. Both of them were married to musk-inns. One of tbem, who had been married for some years, was pushing a baby carriage in which were three Cue triplets, nil girls. The other ludy had been In the bonds of matrimony a couple of weeks. "What beautiful children!" exclaim ed the newly married one with Inter est nfter the two friends had exchang ed greetings. "Yes." replied the proud mother, "and It was the funniest coincidence. At our wedding supper the boys who played with my husband In the or chestra serenaded hlru. und they played Three Little Maids' from 'The Mika do." Isn't that queer?" j The uewly married one gasped for breath aud turned pale with horror, i "Merciful henvens!" she gasped. "At ' our wedding supper a couple of weeks ngo Tom's friends serenaded him also, and they rendered the sextet from 'Lucia.' " WOMAN'S SPHERE. Tliey talk about a woman's sphere As though it had a limit. There's not a place In earth or heaven. There's not a task to mankind given, There's not a blessing or a woe. There's not a whisper, yes or no, There's not a life or death or birth That has a feather's weight of worth Without a woman In it- Then He "Caught On." A prominent politician at a dinner recently was Joking about his repeated attempts to be elected to office. "After a time," he said, "I shall be In the position of the man, somewhat the worse for wear, who came into a dance lu Texas. The floor manager saw blm ni:d led blm out. He came back. Theu the floor manager pushed him out. He came back again. Final ly the floor manager kicked him out, and he rolled down a flight of stairs. At the bottom of the stairs be consid ered the matter. 'I know what it means,' he said. 'They can't fool me. Those people In there do not want me to attend that dance. " Both Sold. Southern hospitality Is proverbially geuerous. In "The Old Dominion" Mr. Thomas Nelson Page recounts an in stance showing that this hospitality was not always appreciated. A guest asked the loan of a horse to carry him to his next stopping place, a town which lay at a considerable distance. The host accordingly lent him his horse and sent along a negro boy it was before the war to bring the horse back. After several days the boy was still missing, and some one was sent to hunt him up. The messenger found blm at last and demanded why he had not returned with the horse. "'Cause dut gent'man done sell de horse." was the reply. "Well, why didn't you come back and sny so?" "Hi! He done sell me, too," said the boy. No Thoroughfare. An Irish author, remarkable for the flatness of his nose, showed such civil ity to an American lady in London that she expressed effusive gratitude to him and effusive admiration of ev erything European. "However," she added, "being a free spoken American woman, I always say what is uppermost, and therefore I must frankly tell you that 1 can't get over your nose." "Bedad. ma'am," rejoined the author, "that's not to be wondered at, for the bridge is broken." Opera House Filled. "Speaking of one night stands re minds me of how I tried to break a long Jump In New England," said an actor. "There was a little village mid way in the Jump that Kahn'a Guide gave ns having an opera bouse, with Joshua Perkins manager, rent $25 a night. It suited my purpose admira bly to He over there one night, and, as I knew there was no other theatrical company In that section, I went con fidently to Perkins to hire the theater. He kept a store and was In his shirt sleeves. I made my request. " 'Well, you cjin't have it, be re plied. " 'Nonsense,' said I, thinking some local entertainment or meeting was to be held. 'Postpone It Buy them off. 1 will give you $50 bonus.' "'Nope. It I'll ye ye can't have it. "'But why not? Why can't I play in the opera house? " 'Because the opry bouse ' full of hay.' " Duty. Duty Is a power which rises with rs In the morning aud goes to rest with us ut night. It Is coextensive with the action of our Intelligence. It is tbe shadow which cleaves to us. go where we will, and which only leaves us when we leave the light of life. Glad stone. By Combination. An Englishman in want of a coach man had an Irishman apply for tbe situation, when the following conver sation took place between them: "You know. Pat. If I engage yon I shall expect you to do things by om ' blnation. For Instance. If I tell yon to j bring the carriage around at a given ! time I shall expect the horses with It, and driving gloves, etc." !."Yes. sorr." said Pat ne was duly engaged and gave sat isfaction. One day his master came to blm In a hurry, telling blm to look sharp and go for a doc-tor, as bis mis tress was ill. Pat was gone for a long time, aud on his master grumbling at him for bis delay be said: "Sure, they're all here, sorr." "All here?" said the master. "What do you mean?" "Didn't you tell me to do things by combination?" "What's that got to do with it?" said the master. "Well." said Pat "I've got the doc tor, the parson and the undertaker." He Won His Case. "So you want a divorce on tbe grounds of cruelty?" asked the great luwyer. "Yes. sir," replied the plaintiff. "What sort of cruelty was It?" "Well, sir, for three consecutive nights my wife took tbe doormat In." "Took the doormat in? How can you consider that cruelty?" "Well, you see, Monday night was lodge night, Tuesday night was a smoker at tbe club and Wednesday tbe annual blowout. 1 got home each morning at 4 o'clock to find tbe door locked and the mat taken In." "But where does the cruelty come In?" "Where does the cruelty come In! Why. didn't 1 have to sleep on the bare step without anything to rest my weary head on?" Even Honors. One of tbe New York delegates at a big political convention was approach ed by an old acquaintance who was badly down In bis luck. Sidling up to the delegates, be said: "Say, Billy, lend me a twenty, will you? I'm short." The New Yorker went down Into his pocket. Ashed out a big roll and band ed a ten dollar bill to the seedy one. "Say. Billy," said he of the touch. ''I said twenty." "I know you did," said the politician, "but 1 think this way is fairer. You lose ten and I lose teu. See?" Suc cess Magazine. The Modest Third. Early lu the congressional career of Mr. Blaine, when Thnddeus Stevens died, who for ten years hud dominated congress, Mr. Blaine, who entered tbe bouse the same year as the late Sena tor Alllsou, remarked to a friend In the rotunda of the capital : "The death of Stevens Is an emancipation for the Republican party. He kept It under bis heel." "Whom have you got for leaders?" queried the friend. "There are three young men coming forward," was Mr. Blaine's reply. "There is a young man to be beard from," pointing to Allison, who was passing. "James A. Garfield is an other." There was a pause, and Ifie friend asked, "Well, who Is the third?" Mr. Blaine gazed up In tbe dome and said quietly, "I don't see the third." Beauties of Nature. Tbe pleasure that we take in beauti ful nature is essentially capricious. It comes sometimes when we least look for It, and sometimes when we expect it most certainly It leaves us to gape joyously for days together In the very home land of the beautiful. We may have passed a place a thousand times and one. and on the thousand and second It will be transfigured and stand forth In a certain splendor of reality from the dull circle of sur roundings, so that we see It "with a child's first pleasure," as Wordsworth said of the daffodils by the lakeside. Stevenson, A Reasonable Doubt. Au Irishman whose band bad been badly mangled In an accident entered the Boston City hospital relief station in a great hurry. He stepped up to the man In cbarge and Inquired: "Is this the relief station, sorr "Yes. What Is your name?" "Patrick O'Connor, sor." "Are you married?" questioned the officer. "YIs. sor, but Is this the relief sta tion?" He was nursing his band In agony. "Of course It Is. How many children have you?" "Eight, sor. But sure this Is tbe re lief station?" "Yes. It Is." replied the official, grow ing a little angry at tbe man's per sistence. "Well." said Patrick, "sure, an' 1 was beginning to think that it might be the pumping station." Going Too Far. When Mr. Volney Streamer wn visiting Mark Twain at his Beddlusr home he remarked on the picturesque appearance of a windmill In the dis tant landscape. It was not a wind mill, however, but the tower of the Congregational church at Redding Cen ter. When the clergyman of that church came to see Mr. Clemens tbe latter told him that one of his guests had called his church a windmill, add ing. "I think that was going a little too far." Putnam's Magazine. A Lunatic's Seme. There Is a place near Glasgow. Scotland, where a railway track runa for some distance beside the fence of a lunatic asylum. Not long ago some workmen were busy repairing the bed of the railroad when an Inmate of the asylum approached one of the la borers and from bis position on the Inner side of the lnclosure began a somewhat twrsonal conversation, n mate-lliwl work that! Laborer Troth an' It Is. Inmate Wblt pa dae ye git? Laborer Sixteen bob a week. Inmate-Are ye main-it? Ln-borer-I am. worse luck, and have six children. Inmate I'm thinking, ma man, ye're on the wrang side o' the fence.