T t I the Times I "Ideals In America are as high ns anywhere else," says .Mr. Br.vee, and a good many things nre higher. The scientific world Is taking the monorail seriously. It Isn't as If It were advanced by Nikola Tesla. Ambassador Bryre sees a great fu ture for the United States, and Is oth erwise making himself agreeable. Harry Orchard doesn't set up the claim that he had to do It because of the high prices of groceries. Let us bo just. A Kcw York court has decided that on oyster Is a wild animal. Those who have hunted hi in in the soup have often remarked bis wildness. Bernard Shaw claims that he has read every line Mark Twain ever wrote. Tl.en It Is a wonder he got time to write anything himself. Andrew Carnegie reports that Esi peror William has a BWeet smile. An drew has never Insisted that William should raise a similar amount. Once In a While some girl who has1 never been In a chorus succeeds lu get ting a rich husband, thus showing that there are exceptions to all rules. The wife of a rblladelphla clergy man occupied her husband's pulpit on a recent Sunday, and the audience came away well pleased with the hat she wore. It Is scarcely probable that the thoughtful, more conservative element among the Japanese people would be lu favor of licking another nation for & year or two at least ' Mark Twain probably would have waited a few years before beginning his autobiography, but he had an uneasy feeling Unit Murat llalstead was about to take the Job off his bands. "Fate couldn't conceal him by nam ing him Schiultz," says the New York Evening Mall. Some concealment was jiossible, esteemed contemporary, until he was deprived of the Ituef that shel--tew filnr. Sir William Preece, the scientist, de clares that he can hear the clash of electric storms on the Burface of the Bun. And when he was a boy It was probably hard for hhn to hear his another calling him to get up in the morning. Mrs. Totter rainier ridicules the ru mor of her engagement to the Earl of Munster on the ground that she doesn't know the gentleman. She is evidently going to set her sisters a good example by getting acquainted with a man be fore the marries him, K . r Tho favorable Impression which Jap anese make upon people of other na tions Is largely due to their courtesy, good manners, ami the taste they dis play In doing the most ordinary things. When the crews of the Japanese war nhlps which lately visited New York were allowed shore llhefty, they had their choice between spending the day on. the llowery, the delight of every sailor's heart, and visiting Orant's tomb. They went to the tomb. Is there any other nation the sailors of which would use their Bhore leave. In paying their respects to a national hero of the people they are visiting? The English government has been en gaged In the auction sale of some most costly notional toys. Instead of selling a lot of obsolete warships to recruit the navy of some second-rote power the government has chosen to knock them down, guns aud all. under the auction eer's hammer,, to be broken up by the purchasers. Among these pretty na tional playthings Is the famous first class battleship Sana Parell, of 10,470 tons, which cost $3,032,005 to build and was knocked down for $84,000. The whole lot was sold off at the same or greater depreciation from the original cost. It Is cstlmoted that the warships of the nations rapidly become so obso lete that In twenty years they are fit only to be broken up for more useful purposes. A few months ago It was announced that the Italian government hod con sented to a proposal of Prof. Waldsteln of Cambridge university that there tumid be au International excavation of Herculaneum. It appears that, on further consideration, the government has rejected tho proposal, ami no for eign aid will be accepted for, the exca vation of these or any other ancient ruins. This Is much to be regretted, as Italy Is not In a financial condition to provide funds for an effective prosecu tion of the work. Although Hercula neum Itself may not suffer by the delay. there are other sites which cry aloud for speedy excavation, for valuable evi dence is In their case being destroyed dally by the "march of modern Im provement." Truly life Is full of peril. Not merely the peril that comes with steam and electricity, and gasoline motors, perils by laud ana perns or water, but the dangers that confront us even when we think we are following the most hygienic laws of nature. Exactly where we stand we know not, for Just as we have learned froui'Mr. Gladstone and Dr. Fletcher that each mouthful of food should be chewed patiently from 20 to l.'iO times, according to the substance thereof, along comes Dr. Wiley and warns us against the dan ger of too much chewing. Rather should we bolt our food, after the manner of the Intelligent dog, for notably In the case of meat much chewing is the fore runner of serious indigestion. And when we have meekly accepted this doctrine up rises a physician, fresh and ruddy from his sixteen days' fast, and tells us not to eat at all, but drink copiously of sparkling water, for eat ing Is a vile habit, productive of many diseases of the digestive organs. Still bewildered, we are constrained to re sort to a cold bath, which is much ad mired of certain medical gentlemen. On the brink of the tub a Los Angeles expert halts us and assurs us that no body ever did enjoy a cold bath, and that, moreover, it Is as dangerous as It Is unpleasant We heat the water, nnd again we are checked by an Eng lish scientist, who warns us to forbear from soap "If we must bathe, because, ns the Lancet admits, soap Is the cause of "the frequent Inability of the Anglo Saxon to resist disease." Even the fact that If we die we die clean cannot entirely reconcile us to the thought of a premature demise. And so, unfed, unwashed,- we go about our dally busi ness or seek In germ-Infested sheets the sweet oblivion of all that makes life one perpetual menace. Assuming that we have slept three hours and a -half, Mr. Edison wakes us up and assures us that In excess of slumber we are despoiling our natural resources and swiftly Inviting general debility. We arise, possibly reluctantly, and await the next expert opinion as to the de velopment of a long and merry life. Now, in the absence of testimony from Methuselah and old rarr, we must ac cept every suggestion that Is offered or reject them all with "a plague o' both your houses," or try to live up to the teachings' of the grandmothers. These were not numerous, but they were ex planatory and mandatory. They In volved the general principle, "Eat slowly; chew your food," without any special enumeration of Jaw movements. They maintained the doctrine, "Early to bed and early to rise," without de fining the exact hours. They Insisted upon the old-fashioned Saturday night soak, with soap and plenty of It And the subjects of this treatment lived to a fine old age or died young, according ns Providence decreed, and with no haunting fear that sleep, or meat, or soap was shortening their days. Arte mus Ward said, "We air guverned 2 mutch," nnd Artemus passed away be fore the medical experts and the scien tific gentry assumed entire charge of our living and dying, even when quar reling one with the other. , What he would say In the present emergency would require probably all the Ingenu ity of his exuberant spelling. SKUNKS EAT GRASSHOPPERS. Hitherto Shunned Animal la Do flared to Be the Farmer' Friend. Skunks are the farmers' friends, ac cording to the biological survey of the department of Agriculture, and deserve to be cultivated rather than destroyed, says tho Pittsburg IMstapch. The experts of this bureau have found that . the skunk, shunned and avoided as It Is, Is the greatest grass hopper exterminator known. It takes rank ahead of the red-headed wood pecker, barnyard fowls and meadow larks. In the past the skunk has been an animal regarded as worthy only of the price of Its pelt or the lard Its fat would produce. Now the biological survey Insists that when a field Is overrun with grasshop pers all that Is necessary for the farm er to do Is to gather together a work ing force of skunks nnd turn them loose In the Infested area. The skunk will do the rest While skunks are not animals to be handled with Impunltly, a herd of do mesticated skunks might be kept on hand on every farm to use In an emer gency. If the skunk Is not Immediately applied to the grasshopper pest the grasshoppers will eat up the Held and pass on to the next Not Damn Waiter. Patron A nice way you serve things In this blnnkoty blank restaurant! Here's a hairpin In the salad. Walter That's part of the dressing, sir t The Bohemian. Whv Is It that ii mnrrlivl trnmon dom has any use for a pretty female servant r AW ACCEPTABLE SACRIFICE. By Rev. Henry i Cope. If I were hungry I would not tell thee; for the world is mine and the fullness thereof. . . . Offer uuto God thanksgiving, and pay thy vows to the Most High. Psalms 1 :12-14. Men are not drawn together by a collection box. -To make, this the standard emblem of the church Is but to emphasize the difference between the Institution nnd the one who said, "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." It little helps the need of a hungry world to stand ever before It begging It to give, to bring in Its offer ings. To the plain' man there will always seem some absurdity In the request that he, human aud Unite, should sacrifice his owu lamb or his few hard earued pennies to a belug who Is almighty, to whom the whole creation belongs. He cannot understand a Father who docs nothing but sit by his altar aud watch the tithes brought in. Is this the only concrete expression we can make of the spirit of worship, to give up material things to a spiritual beipg? Whence this change of concen- tlon, from the servants of the Man of Nazareth, who were sent out to heal and help and do good, to an Institution going out to collect everything that la good for Itself? Surely nothing could be farther from the old seer's and singer's thought of the wondrous one, from whom all things came, the source of all being, all beauty, all worth and wealth. He. as they clothed his glory in terms of mankind, was the great giver instead of a getter. To him the hungry looked and were fed, the naked were clothed, the sad cheered; to all he gave their meat In due season. The emphasis was not on God's need of man and bis possessions, but on man s need of the Most High. The life and spirit, the eternal power that. moves through all our lives, needs not our bare pittance wrung with anguish from field or loom, but the opening of our hearts, the lifting up of ourselves Into touch with things sublime and spiritual. Heaven needs our hearts. Who Is to be pitied more than ha to whom religion Is the dropping of pennies through the slot of a collec tion box and seeing the world through Its narrow crack. Rather Is it the learning to see the eternal goodness, the unremitting giver in all this world, In every event, until the whole helm- goes out In grateful praise, offering the sucrince of thanksgiving. I rue, there Is no religion without sacrifice. But there Is none lu the sacrifice of gifts to the-Almighty as though he were hard up, nor In gifts regarded as payments on paradise mort gages or as means of molllfylug an offended Judge. The sacrifice whose aroma rises sweet to heaven Is the survice of love, the self-denial born of gratitude or affection, the gifts to men because they are the children of the good Father. j The broken heart, the contrite sigh, the sympathy that serves these are the sacrifices on which the welfare of the whole universe wults. We honor the divine less by lofty steeple or peal lug organ than by entering Into the beauty and enjoying the riches of the great temple of nature and making Its wealth known, available and apprecia ble by all men everywhere. The winning of the world waits for the revelation of the wealth of the Lord of all being. Men need not tarry till they have taxes for him; with empty hand, with hungry hearts, with needy spirits, they are Invited to come to the Father of spirits and the feast 'of his love as men came, the Blek, the weary, the sad, long ago to one In whom they found the wealth of in finite love. RIGHT THOUGHTS. By Rev. Dr. Frank Oliver Hall. Think on these things. Phlllpplaus 4 :8. What things? Things that are true, honest, Just, pure, lovely, attractive, virtuous, honorable. Upon these things says Paul, "Lqt your thoughts dwell." Tlioughts are things as much as brick walls and paved ' streets are. There Is such a thing as I sanitary thinking as surely as there if such a thing as Insanitary plumbing. There Is a mental atmosphere conducive to health ns much as sunshine and fresh air, and there Is a miasma of the soul which Is as deadly as the malaria of Dismal Swamp. To select a spiritual dwelling place where the i atmosphere Is heavy with hate and poisonous with passion; to pull up the shutters of despair and ex clude the sunshine of. hope; to close the' windows of the heart and exclude the light of faith and the warmth of love, is ns deadly as It would be to build one's house In a stagnant marsh or to live In a dark, unventllated cellar. Notice that Paul writes as If nieu had tho power to select their own In tellectual dwelling places. So they have. Physically most men must dwell where circumstances ordain. But the oorest man may have a dwelling place for his mind more desirable than the region In which many a millionaire Is content to reside, In au atmosphere of the soul filled with unclean odors. Every man has within himself the power to change his mental dwelling place. The normal man has power to direct his thoughts as he has power to direct his hand. By the exercise of such power he may win success, char acter and righteousness. -The mind Is master of the body. Ex periment demonstrates that thought pumps the blood Into the head or hands or feet according ns one directs his mind, and that emotions, controllable by the will, may refresh or poison the physical system as they are good or bad. Paul has given us not only the secret of health, but the secret of happiness. Not the dwelling place of the body, but the dwelling place of. the thoughts, determines whether one's life shall be filled with Joy or with misery. Some of the most miserable people live In mansions, dine sumptuously and dress luxuriously. Some of the happiest people live In very lowly circumstances. The difference Is entirely mental. One man Is miserable In spite of his fine physical circumstances; another Is happy In poverty because of his mental dwelling place. Moreover, Paul Indicates here the road to success. More people fall to achieve their worthy ambitions because they culti vate wrong mental habits than for any other cause whatever. Life Is full of splendid opportunities for the man who will seize them, and all the forces of the universe help oft the man whose mind dwells In faith and courage and confidence and Indom itable hope; and all the forces of the universe Bet against the man who dwells in a mental atmosphere of doubt and despondency, suspicion of himself and his fellow man. Finally, thought means comfort. What you do depends upon wh,at you think. Conduct Is first In the mind, afterward In the body. Beware of wrong thinking. Beware of holding evil pictures before the Imagination. Do not play with evil even In your thoughts, for what you think will reg ister Itself ultimately and Inevitably In what you do. On the other hand, one can overcome all the evils wl.th which his inner life is beset by exercising the will In the direction of right thinking. If you would do the things you ought to do and leave undone the things you "ought not to do, then look to your thoughts and In whatsoever things are true, honest, Just, pure, lovely, attractive, virtuous, honorable, there let your thoughts dwell. Short "Meter Sermons. Difficulty often Is a divine challenge. Singing cures more sorrow than sighing. The finger of scorn never Is on the helping hand. No man ever did his duty standing on his dignity. Soul culture is a matter of spiritual companionship. Knocking the saints will "not open the doors of paradise. Character Is the only absolutely In dispensable capital. He who has no faith In goodness has no experience of It Our goods do us no good until we try to do good with them. Men who elope with a Blngle Idea never get wedded to truth. Men always are weary until they take up some worthy task. He who does not fight his appetite must forego his aspirations. The most up to date feature of some sermons Is the dust on them. Only wings of pride Imagine them selves rising on the breath of applause. The mountains of transfiguration are' few; valleys of service everywhere. The fooliBh -virgins usually go back to conduct classes In the art of lllum lnhtlon. You always can measure a man's faith by Inverse ratio according to the fuss he makes over It When a man's cake Is dough he is quite likely to advertise himself as a dispenser of the bread of life. One of the great mistakes of this age has been the substitution of the church as an Institution for the church as an Inspiration. This world succeeds In keeping many a man poor In person, but It never will succeed In, keeping one poor In heart without his consent When the gift of a little for charity seems to put a man Into mortal pain you may be sure the root of evil is striking down Into a vital spot. riewltt What did they" charge you a day at that summer hotel? Jewltt I only know the -minute price. Town Talk. First Commuter WThat do you do with yourself evenings? Second Con,. muter I take the 5:03 train from tim city. Puck. "How was the comic opera?" "Mv wife thought the costumes were dis gusting." "I guess I'll go." Louis vl ii Courier-Journal. Cook Now we've 'ad words, you'll be lookln' for another cook to keen. company with? Policeman Not me. I'll starve first! Puuch. Hadsum I want a good revolver. Dealer A slx-Bhooter? Hadsum Bet ter make It a nine-shooter. It's for a cat next door. Ally Sloper. ' "Now that your son's In college, I suppose he'll be getting very exclusive ; he'll be getting into the 400." "Oh, he's more exclusive than that already; he's on the nine." Philadelphia Piess. "Dp you regard baseball as a health ful game?" "Well," answered the phy sician, "I should say It ought to do a great, deal toward strengthening peo ple's lungs." Washington Star. Comparative Stranger What's all the excitement about? Summer Board erNothing; Just a lynching. The man who wrote the folders about this plac Is coming down on the train. Puck. Yeast Our boarding-house lady, ha Keen taking cooking lessons, and she says next week she Is going to try her hand In her own kitchen. Crlmsonbeak Is that a threat or a promise? Yon kers Statesman. First Boy Did you really win three prizes at school? Second Ditto Yes, and one was for my excellence of mem ory. "How did you win the others?" "The others? I forget what they were for." Black and White. Father Well, how does your husband succeed with his aft? Does he sell any pictures? Daughter I should think sot Why, there Is not a single one left of those you gave us for a wedding pres ent Fllegende Blatter. Mrs. Goodart I always feel so sorry for those poor shop girls; they're so overworked, you know. Mr. Goodart Well, my dear, the best way to help them Is to keep away from bargain. sales. Catholic Standard nnd Times. Miss Elderlelgh Jane Jones Is a. mean, spiteful old cat. Miss Younger What's the matter? Miss Elderlelgh I told her that my family came over la the Mayflower and she asked me if I wos seasick. Cleveland Plain Dealer. Mr. McDooley Faith, an' It do be a. question OI have fer yez, me darlln'. Miss Clancey Pfwat Is it( Pat? Mr. McDooley Whin It comes tolme for the funeral, how would yez like t be th' Wldder McDooley? Chicago- Dally News. Wise He's very wealthy. Mrs. Wise- Yes, and very stingy and mean. Wise- Come now, you're not sure of that You mustn't Judge a man by his clothes. ' Mrs. Wise I don't. I'm Judg ing him by his wife's clothes. Phila delphia Press. "Our engagement will have to be temporarily susiended," announced: the- , summer girl, calmly. "Oh, impossible,'" the young man vowed. "It will have to be. My husband writes that he li com ing down for a week." Louisvllle-Courler-Journal. - "My good man," said the lndy mis sionary, "do you ever pause to 'think, w here you are going?" "Sure tTng,'" replied the unlaundered hobo. "Ef I didn't I might get on de wrong freight an land back at me startln place!" Chicago Dally News. v "Do you think the time will come when there' will be no money In poll tics?"' said one dobs. "I don't know,'" answered the other. "It won't be our fault If It doesn't We have done the best we could to take out all there was ln lf-Washlngton Star. s' Russian Official You can not star In this country, sir. Travelers-Then,, of course, I will leave It "Have you a permit to leave?" 'No, sir." "Then I must tell you that you can not go. I give you twenty-four hours to make up your mind as to what you will do." Tattler. : "Train holdups," said .the old trav eler, "are nothing new for me. I've been In' lots of them." "How does It seem to be covered with a revolver?" asked the listener. "Cant say,", replied the old traveler. "I've always been held up with a whisk broom." Mil waukee Sentinel. "Can you give bond?" .asked the Judge. "Have you got anything?" Jedge," replied the prisoner, "sence you ax me, I'll tell you; I hain't got nuth.n' In the worl 'cept the spring chills, six acres o' no-'count land, a big family, a hope of a hereafter, an' the oV war-raeumatlsinr Atlanta" Consti tution. '