Llly Marriage may be a failure, but J am going to make some man prove It to me. The New York Idea. She (to fellow listener at muslcnie) What do you think of his execution! lie I'm In favor of it. Punch. "Miss Smith has written a problem novel, hasn't she?" "Yes." "What la the problem?" "How to make It sell." Life. "Life Is so uncertain," she said. "I know It," he replied. "Let's get mar ried. One of us may die within u few years." Chicago Record-Herald. Wlggs Why do you always regard him with suspicion?" Wnggs Well, every time I see him bo lias a differ ent umbrella. Philadelphia Record. Teacher Miss Badger, what do you understand by "the privileged classes?" Cued The botany class. Tbey can go out in the woods once In a while. Chi cago Tribune. Suitor I have the honor to ask for your daughter's dowry. Irate Pa I Jeg your pardon, sir! Suitor Excuse me; of course I meant your daughter's hand. Vie Pour Rlre. "Marie, If James asks you to marry him to-night, tell him to speak to me." "And If he doesn't,, mamma?" "Tell him I want to speak to him." Wom an's Home Companion. Nowlywed My wife only allows me three hooks In the closet to hang my wardrobe on. Oletlmer Don't worry. Hefore you've been married long one hook will be enough for all your ward robe. Stray Stories. "BlIegillH 811 V 8 that wIipii h iviMit tn nchool he was one of the brightest boys' In his class." "Yes," answered the tsportlng man, "that's where so many of us fall down getting out or the class." Washington Star. Mr. Wholesale My Jjoy, I hope you nave something out of your weekly sal ary of $3. Boy Yes, sir; I save ?1 a week. Mr. Wholesale Ah! I knew I was paying you too much ! After this I'll give you two! Boston Post. "Papa says," remarked the heiress, "that; you're' a more fortune buiiter." "Well, now, my dear," replied the shrewd fellow, "that's more or less true. Your face Is your fortune, ami Hint's what attracts me." Philadelphia Rec ord. "Oo-oo my!" exclaimed little Tom my, hearing a church organ for the first time, "what's that?" "Sh!" whispered his mother, "that's the organ." "(Jood ness! It must be au awful big monkey that goes with that" Philadelphia Press. Magistrate (to prisoner) What, you here again? I hadn't seen you lately, And hoped you were reformed, llow is It that you have again gone back to .your old ways? Prisoner Because I am only Just out of, prison, sir. Bou Viva ut. "Deary me. John, here's Another nnnr feller runned over by one o' these 'ere autymobubbles!" "That alu't iiothlu', mother. They do say as in Itooshla thousands o' poor folks nre killed In tho streets along o' this 'ere autocar cy!" The Bystander. Cynic (savogely) They say the fash . loiiable mother of to-day recognizes her baby only 'by looking at the nurse. Fashionable Mother (unmoved) How extraordinarily clever, when one changes uurscs so often I I always tell ours by the mall cart London Tld Hits. "I took out life Insurance In order to put something by for a rainy day." "Yes," answered the cynical citizen who has been following the life Insur ance Investigation, "but you know how little conscience some people have about another uiau's umbrella." Washington Star. Kind Lady (to little boy with big welling lu his cheek) Poor little chap, he has evidently got a bad gum boil. Here are two sous : docs your tooth ache badly? Little Boy (remov ing the "gumboil") Oh, no, ma'am: I was Just sucking a big piece of taffy. Nos Lolslrs. . The young widow of an old husband Inscribed the following words Uhmi her dear departed's tomb: "To the mem ory of Muthurlu Rezuquet who left this vale of tears at tho age of 09 years, 11 month and 20 days, deeply grieved at having to leave behind him the most charming and faithful of wives." Pelo Mele. "Where are you off to In such a hur ry?" "To tho doctor for my husband." - vnais up wuu muw lie tells me lie has got hepatitis, dyscp"la. rheu matism, enteritis, gastritis, appendi citis, uephrltU aud cerebro-spliml-men- Ingltla," "Holy terrors! Where did he got all that?" "Why. man Induced III in to buy medical dictionary, nod lie's Just begun readlug It" Brooklyn CUueeo. PvISK FUGITIVES FORGET THEER TROUBLES; LEAD GIDDY LIFE IN PABIS. m A 'Mr p JL. Whatever the plans of the New York District Attorney, William Trav ers Jerome, may be In reference to the criminal prosecution of the central figures lu .the great American Insur ance scandal, it Is patent to all Paris, writes a correspondent tn the French capital, that no fear Is entertained in the mind of James Huzen Hyde, former vice president of the Equitable Life Assurance Society, or Richard A. Mc Curdy, who was ousted from the pry Idency of ,the Mutual. For more than u year now these two ostracized mill ionaire votaries of high finance have luxuriated In the distracting atmos phere of Paris. Hyde, who is really better known In Paris than he was at any time In New York, Is living au easy life. His most serious effort at the present time Is to become known as the king of the Paris Latin quarter. To this end Hyde Is spending his money lavishly, and the wide circle of Bohemian painters and litterateurs, which he has gathered around him, regard him as their pa tron saint. Hyde lives In a beautiful and mam moth mansion In Avenue Henri Martin. In the spacious snlon of his beautiful home Hyde gives regular entertain ments, which ore the very ocme of epi curean splendor. His favorite pastime Is to entertain large parties of his giddy friends upon automobile excur- NEW SWIMMING GLOVE. A swimming glove to aid man In hli progress through the water Is a recent Invention. It gives the swimmer tho assistance the duck derives from his webbed feet. Greater speed and a great er distance covered, with less fatigue than with the naked hands, are claimed to be the advantages the wearer of this glove will enjoy. It fits the hands tightly and Is slipped on lu the ordinary way. The webs are strong pieces of cloth, running from little finger to thumb. Every stroke of the swimmer Is W EBBED Rl'BREB UITTE5S. thus effective, the Increased area of the surface that strikes the waiter sending him forward with the Increasing speed that a boat driven by a paddle takes, Tho woes of the beginner In the aquatic sport are lessened ; the pleasure of the expert Is luereased. Technical World. Every time a woman gives a party he luvltea two or three that the really wishes would decline. sions in the south of France and else where. By these anil other means Hyde has at this time successively blotted out, so far ns Paris is concerned, the ostracism which followed his eonnee- tion with the Insurance revelations. He is the hero of the impecunious horde of long-liulred youths of the boulevards. Hyde participates fu'iy lu tho free and easy life of the Latin quarter. At the last artists' ball, Hyde made a big hit Impersonating an Arabian gypsy. Recently Hyde has shown a tendency to re-enter aristocratic French society, and among the fashionables of Paris his princely wine cellar is exciting won der and admiration. Richard A. McCurdy's existence in Paris has been quite the opposite of Hyde's, though It is well intended to blot from the memory of the former Mutual president the disagreeable ex periences of a year and a half ago. McCurdy's life In Paris has amounted almost to monastic retirement He Is surrounded by an exclusive circle of personal friends, aud he Is devoting himself to simple diversions which car ry with tham no distasteful memories. He is never seen In the gay centers of Paris, and he Is entirely unknown In society. He reads no newspapers. When an effort whs made to Interview him he sent word that he would feel keenly any further notoriety lu connec tion with the Insurance scandal. At this time It is learned from a personal friend ofl McCurdy's that, while he is attempting In every possible way to eradicate memories of the scandal which enmeshed him, he finds It diffi cult to have any complete comfort lu his life. James W. Alexander, ousted presi dent of the Equitable Life, who was a third prominent figure In the Insur ance scandals. Is on a trip around the world with a party of friends. SENTENCE TO PK.IS0N SHIP. One Declared to Be Uannllr Enough for Wornt of Sailor. "The serving of one sentence ahonrd a prison ship Is usually enough for the worst of sailors," said L. H. Dunlavy, who has Just concluded his term of enlistment In the hospital corps of the united States navy. He served as a nurse for a time on board the Uuited States naval prison ship Southery at Portsmouth, N., II. "They have no cells on the ship," Dunlavy said. "The prisoners are lock ed at night In the forward aud after berth decks. They are compelled to work every day except Sunday In the navy yanl. Sunday they have to at tend religious services. They get rath er to liking Sunday too. "It gives them a chance to let out their voices when the hymns are be ing sung. Their working hours nre from 6:30 to 11 o'clock In the morning aud from 1 to 4 oeloek In the after noon. That Isn't all they have to do. They are required to atteud a school. The common branches only are taught The recitations are held at night. From 0 to 7 o'clock at night Is the ilniiv study hour and they have to study too. A marine guard of eighty men 'po lice the ship and do sentry work ovei the prisoners while they are at work Ordinarily there are about 250 prison ers on the shin. Very few escane. Oc caslonally one tries to run by the sen tries, but It's a big risk, for marines carry rifles loaded with ball and have orders to shoot any prisoner attempt ing to get away." Kansas City Star. If a man prefers chewing tobacco to smoking, he always says chewing isn't so Injurious to the health. If any one gives you more than he gets In return, rest assured It Is counterfeit rtsr Dongrh Ralner. A heater especially Intended to raise bread by means of the heat of a lamp has been recently patented by a Wis consin man. As shown In the illus tration, the casing is of sheet metal, the lower portion having openings for the admission of air. The casing Is bottomless. A partition having nn opening In the cen ter divides the up- MAKES BREAD RISE. per nm, tions, a lamp being placed below this opening when the heater is In use. Sup ported above the opening Is a deflecting cone, the point of the cone being directly over the lamp. Near the top of the up per flared section are a number of holes. The sides of the bread pan are flared, the edges of the pan neatly rest ing aud fitting on the edge of the cas ing. The supposition Is that the hot air from the lamp rises and is deflected by the cone, so that it readies the sides of the bread pan and escapes through the holes at the top, preventing excess heat around the pan. The time saved by the use of this heater will he in stantly recognized. Haahed Drown Potatoes. There are two ways of nrenarlns these. One method Is to hush them In cream suuee and bake in the oven. The favorite way, however, for breakfast is to Don potatoes In their skins until they are Just tender and no loneer. neel them and when cold chop very fine, sea soning to taste with salt and pepper. rut a little butter In a frying pan, and when hot put In the hashed potatoes. packing them down smoothly; then place on the range, when they will cook slowly for fifteen or twenty minutes. Do not stir them. When a nice brown color on the bottom aud dry and floury loosing on top, they are' done. Fold them over carefully, like an omelet, turn out on a hot plate and garnish with parsley and grilled tomatoes. Pear Parfalt. The most delicious of all near des serts Is a parfalt. Stir slowly Into the well-beaten yolks of four eggs one cup- rui or sirup drained from preserved pears and cook tt over hot water until as thick as custard. Remove from the fire and beat until cool. Fold In light ly one pint of cream which has been wnippeu to a dry, stiff froth. Press into a plain mold, cover tightly, pack in Ice and salt, and let stand at lenat three hours to ripen. Invert on a pret ty glass or silver dish when tlm to serve and garnish with a wreath of whipped cream dotted with little mounds of red currant Jelly. Hickory Not Drop. Mix one pound of chonned hid- nrv . . " - j nut meats, two cups of brown sugar. two lamespoonruls or butter, three eggs beaten separately and five tablespoons of flour with oue teasnonn nf hai-ina powder sifted In. Drop In half tea- spoonruis (very . thinly) to about the size of a dollar on a buttered pan and bake In a . moderate oven. Add the hickory nuts last. Whole Wheat Bread. One cup milk (lukewarm), 3 cups whole wheat flour, 2 cups white flour, 1 teaspoonful salt, 1 tablespoonful sugar, three-qpuarters tablespoonful molasses, one-half cake yeast Beat half hour; do not knead. Set to rise until It dou bles In size; beat again and put In greased tin; let rise until It doubles lu size again; bake In moderate oven three-quarters of an hour. Clam Shortcake. Sift three cups of flour, two teaspoons of baking powder, one teasjioou of sugar and one-half teaspoon of salt Work in two tablespoous butter with the tips of the Angers. Add enough milk to make a soft dough. Bake In a quick oven. Split, butter while, hot aud serve with clam filling. Vanilla Sanee, Moisten two tablespoonfuls of corn starch with a little water and add one half cup sugar. Flace on tnr nn,i add one pint boiling water, stirring constantly. Remove from stove, and when nearly cold add two well-beaten eggs and two tablespoonfuls vanilla ex tract. T SemoT. Splaahea of Palat. The unsightly splashes of oil paint, which are liable to come on window panes during painting operations and which are very difficult to n,.. ., disappear when treated with black soap; turpentlle oil and soda are not sufficient y o o o7 ML BLIND MAN WILL BE SENATOB. The Democrats of Oklahoma have se lected as one of the United States Sen ators to represeut Oklahoma, Thomas P. Gore, of Lawton, who Is totally blind. His nomination Is equal to an election. This is the first time In the history of . the United States that a blind man has ever been sent to the Senate, as Mr. Gore will be when state hood Is accomplished under the present proposed constitution. Mr. Gore has been In politics all his life, beginning as a page In the Mis sissippi Senate when he was but 11 THOMAS P. OOBK. years old. It was during that time that he lost his eyesight by an accident with an arrow gun. Three years pre lvously he bad lost his left eye, a play mate, In a moment of passion, striking him with a stone. Mr. Gore Is but 30 years of age. He lives at Lawton, has a wife and four children, and is a lawyer by profes sion. His memory Is a wonder. When his father prepared to send him to a blind school, he refused to go,, saying that schools for the blind did not fur nish him the books and opportunity he desired. So he went to the public schools and college, getting through by reason of his acute memory. Watery Eyes. Relief may be obtain ed by bathing the eyes several times a day with a wash consisting of ten grains of pure borax and two ounces of camphor water. Rheumatic Knee. Try salicylate of soda, five drams ; tincture of nux vom ica, three drams, and essence of pepsin enough to make four ouuees. The dose for an adult Is one teasDoonful every two or three hours. Superfluous Hair. A erowth of hair Is annoying to a girl who wears short sleeves. Depilatories are dangerous and electrolysis, the only sure cure, is an expensive treatment To minimize the trouble dark hairs may be bleached. wash the arms with a weak solution of ammonia aud water. Then pour a lit tle peroxide of hydrdgen In the water and apply with a piece of linen. The bleaching process will have to be re peated from time to time, but neroxlde Is harmless to the skin. Nasal Catarrh. In the treatment of this persistent and often Intractable dl order, good results have been obtained by the internal administration five or six times each day of one-half teaspoon ful doses In one-half ounce of water of a mixture of one ounce of specific echin acea and two ounces of stlllIngla.Tbe latter Intensifies the action of echina cea In Its Influence upon .the mueous surfaces. Tincture of celsemlum.' two drops every hour during the day, push ed to a physiological point, will abort a catarrhal cold. Three grains of salicy late of strontium, added to each dose, reinforces It If rheumatism Is suspected. Neuralgia. If tho neuralgia Is In the rrght side of the face the left band should be placed In a basin of water as hot as can be born; or If neuralgia Is In the left side of the face, then the right hand should be placed In the hot water. It Is asserted that In this way relief may be obtained In less than five minutes. The two nerves which have the greatest number of tactile endings are the fifth and the medium nerve. As the fibers of these two nerves cross any Impulse conveyed to the left hand will affect the rleht aid of tho face. or If applied to the right hand will anect the left aide of the face. This is on account of the crossing of the cords. Other people's happiness gives a pes simist a headache.