SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ SATURDAY, MARCH 18, 2017
11 A
Congress get recess, kids get spring break — what about US?!?
If you’re a student or edu-
cator, you are probably get-
ting excited about the
approach of spring break in a
few weeks! Wee-HOO! For
students of all ages it means a
week of crazy fun with little
or no responsibility, whether
A LICE B RAUER C HRISTIAN P RESCHOOL
EASTER
CANDY
SEE’S EASTER CANDY FUNDRAISER
Even Congress is already
enjoying what is referred to
as “recess.” Let’s be honest:
If I performed as poorly at
my job as they have, I would
get what is referred to as
“fired.”
That being said, for the rest
of us, spring break holds
about as much anticipation as
trash day or a release date for
“Frozen 3.”
This is particularly true for
those of us with teenagers at
home, many of whom will
openly mock us each day by
selfishly sleeping in. Then, in
an added display of thought-
lessness, they will still be in
their pajamas and deciding on
breakfast when we come
home for lunch! The audaci-
ty! Especially since they mis-
spelled “audacity” on their
last quiz!
No, the time has come to
expand spring break to
include EVERYONE so we
can all enjoy a week of unfet-
tered fun. And naturally,
when I say “everyone,” I real-
ize there are certain positions
that are so important to our
infrastructure they can’t shut
down without causing the
nation to crumble.
So I’m sorry: Cooks and
bartenders, you’ll have to
draw straws for Arbor Day.
For the rest of us, however,
Buying or Selling? I can help.
We will be selling Easter candy from March 13th - March 24th.
Th ere are various types of Easter candy to choose from.
Please call or stop by the Preschool to order your Easter Candy!
21st and Spruce Street, Florence
Meggan Haslett, Director
541-999-6026
Mercer Lake Road #2900 – Bare land located
in the Enchanted Valley subdivision with po-
tential lake view, and locked and gated Mercer
Lake access to boat docks. 3 parcels totaling
6.2 acres. City water and power available.
Seller terms possible. $229,999. #2486-
15601213
Melody Beaudro
Principal Broker
541 991-2151
1749 Highway 101 • 541-997-1200
Let Paul show you a new car or truck.
Stop by today!
2150 Hwy. 101 • Florence
(541) 997-3475 • 1-800-348-3475
a week of relaxation during
the nicest time of year is
going to be fantastic! No
longer will Cancun, Panama
City and South Padre Island
be the exclusive destinations
for drunken college students
and creepy professors offer-
ing extra credit assignments.
No way! From now on,
they’ll have to share those
warm beaches with parents
inflating 8-foot plastic sea
mammals for their young
children or, in some cases,
their horrified teenagers.
“We’re too old to ride a
plastic Shamu!” they’ll
protest.
But Dad will continue
undeterred, blowing into an
air nodule located in a highly
questionable area of plastic
whale anatomy. This will of
course be embarrassing to his
teens, who are already morti-
fied by the fact that Dad wore
his swim fins to the beach
and sand-whipped 30 sun-
bathers en route to a relative-
ly quiet spot near a keg
draped with bikini tops.
That’s when Mom and Dad
will begin spreading suntan
lotion on themselves as if cre-
ating a protective layer
against the Ebola virus,
slathering every crevice
before putting on matching
Panama Jack sun hats.
They will then hand the
lotion to their sobbing teens,
assuming they haven’t
already run off to drown
themselves in the surf.
What if your kids are
already in college with spring
break plans of their own? No
problem! Surprise them at the
beach! Chances are they used
your credit card to secure
their travel plans anyway;
how hard can it be to get a
room at the same hotel?
Imagine the laughs you'll
share when they realize the
person yelling at everyone to
stop staring at his daughter in
the bikini contest is DAD!
Yes, I think the need to
implement a National Spring
Break Week is something we
can all agree is long overdue.
For those who don’t?
I have two words for you:
Summer school.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
Write to him at nedhickson@
icloud.com
Siuslaw bands warm up
for the spring season
The Siuslaw Middle School
Beginning,Intermediate,
Advanced Bands, Jazz Band
and the Siuslaw High School
Symphonic Band are launch-
ing their spring schedules with
a concert on March 20.
The concert will be starting
at 7 p.m. at the Florence
Events Center.
In addition to the new
music presented there will be a
raffle for a night at a luxury
European-style bed and break-
fast near Monroe, Ore.
Funds that are raised will be
used to pay for the rental of the
Florence Events Center and to
purchase new sheet music.
The community is invited to
come and hear what Florence’s
young musicians have been
learning in the new year.
The Florence Events Center
is at 715 Quince Street behind
Safeway. Theater doors open
at 6:30 and admission to the
event is free.
For more information, con-
tact the Department of Bands
at 541- 997-8241.
CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK
Ned
Hickson
you’re a fifth-grader planning
a Spongebob Squarepants
marathon to Bikini Bottom,
or a college student planning
a bikini bottom marathon of a
different kind.
If you’re an educator, it
means a student-free week
away from grading papers
with so much red ink your
desk resembles a sacrificial
altar. Seriously, are they
learning nothing between
Tweets in class?!?