10 A
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ SATURDAY, JANUARY 28, 2017
For flu sufferers, things are about to get messy
Ned
Hickson
Today, in an unprecedented
move, I am joining hundreds
of other columnists around
the nation who will be
addressing the nationwide flu
crisis while simultaneously
wiping “Influenza blowback”
from their computer monitors.
For those unfamiliar with this
term, here’s how it might be
used on an episode of CSI:
“Well, judging from the
chew marks on this
Robitussin safety cap, and the
presence of oozing and gelati-
nous Influenza blowback on
his computer monitor, I’d say
our suspect has the flu. [Cut
to lightning-quick journey
through mucus-filled nasal
cavity]. Chances are, he’s still
in the area. He might even be
in this very room.”
“Ahhh-CHOO!”
“You should probably get a
tissue for that...”
While national attention
remains on flu vaccinations,
health department officials
say, as a result of the flu cri-
sis, we are now facing what
was once unthinkable.
“The nation’s supply of
facial tissue has become dan-
gerously low,” warned Dr.
Julie Gerberding, head of the
federal Centers for Disease
Control in Atlanta. “If we’re
not careful, many Americans
will be left using standard
bathroom tissue during the
peak of flu season.”
According to health offi-
cials, the tissue crisis is
linked to Chinese regulators
who unexpectedly shut down
tissue manufacturer Bung
Corp. last Tuesday, after it
was discovered that millions
of boxes bound for the U.S.
had been printed without the
necessary safety instructions
required by the Consumer
Products Safety Commission.
Leonard Woodcock, the
current nominee for
America’s ambassador to
China, immediately flew to
the factory to demonstrate,
before a panel of regulators,
that he was capable of using
the instructionless tissue with-
out injury. In spite of multiple
demonstrations, including one
in which Woodcock was
bound by Chinese finger cuffs
and forced to blow his nose
without while blindfolded,
Chinese regulators remained
unconvinced.
As a result, 43 million
boxes of tissue once bound
for the U.S. has instead been
shipped to France where,
according to one French offi-
cial, “We need more tissue
than Americans because we
have bidets.”
Faced with the impending
shortage, the CDC introduced
a nationwide “voluntary
rationing” system yesterday
to ensure that supplies of tis-
sue would meet the needs of
high-risk users in the months
ahead.
“The bottom line is, don’t
blow your nose until
absolutely necessary,”
advised Dr. Gerberding. “This
is a time of crisis. I think, as
Americans, we should all be
willing to overlook a few snot
bubbles.”
As a responsible member
of the media, I plan to do my
part by blowing my nose as
little as possible until this cri-
sis passes.
For those of you planning
to attend any of my speaking
engagements in the near
future, let me apologize in
advance to anyone seated in
the front row.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
Write to him at nedhickson@
icloud.com
views is vital for future genera-
tions to understand what makes
up a life. Gathering and pre-
senting a life story, either your
own or that of a loved one, can
be a tricky process. What ques-
tions do you ask? What topics
do you cover? How do you edit
it, package it and present it? All
of these will be covered in the
class.”
While the class will cover
simple technologies that can be
used to capture and edit audio
and
video
interviews,
Anderson said prior experience
with technology or recording
equipment is not necessary.
“We’ll explore ways that stu-
dents can capture meaningful
stories with what they have —
a recorder on their phone, a
voice recorder or even a tape
deck recorder,” Anderson said,
“The majority of the class will
focus on the art of the inter-
view: the ethics surrounding it,
the pitfalls, but most important-
ly, how to get a good one.”
Part of the class will also
explore what constitutes per-
sonal and family histories and
help students look past a pho-
tograph to connect memories
to them and create a story.
“Recording history isn’t just
about making a record for
future generations. It’s about
proving to yourself and others
that you actually existed in
this world, and having the
opportunity to say, clearly,
what you truly believe,”
Anderson said.
The class is a new addition
to the Continuing Education
program and students are
encouraged to register early.
Anderson currently teaches
cinema studies classes for the
program and has a reputation
among students as an interac-
tive and engaging instructor.
This course will help students
chronicle what matters to
them.”
For more information or to
register for this class, visit
lanecc.edu/ce or call 541-997-
8444.
Mayor Henry to speak at
next City Club meeting
On Feb. 3, the City Club of
Florence will hold its regular
meeting, with Florence Major
Joe Henry giving a city update
titled: “ The Year in Review
and the Year to Come.”
Mayor Henry will discuss
the accomplishments of the
City of Florence over the last
year and what is next for 2017.
Henry was recently sworn
in for his second term as
Mayor of the City of Florence.
During his first term in
office, he was able to lead the
city in building a foundation
for a change in leadership and
culture, allowing Florence to
form a ‘can-do’ attitude that
has permeated through the
organization.
The talk will discuss how
these changes came about, and
what is next in keeping the
City moving forward.
City Club meets at the
Ocean Dunes Golf Links Club
House, off Munsel Lake Road.
Lunch orders are taken after
11 a.m. and served from 11:30
to noon.
The program will be from
noon to 1 p.m. with a short
period for questions at the end.
Siuslaw Riverside Restaurant
to hold benefit spelling bee
Siuslaw Riverside Rest-
aurant will hold another in its
series of fund raisers for local
charities on Feb. 3.
Siuslaw Riverside is located
at 1340 Bay St. in Historic Old
Town Florence. The restaurant
will be charging $10 for con-
testants to enter a spelling bee
that begins at 6 p.m.
The winner of the spelling
bee will receive a $25 gift cer-
tificate to the restaurant.
For more information,
contact Melonie at 541-991-
3663.
Deadlines for press
releases and news
items are Mondays and
Thursdays at noon.
pressreleases@thesiuslawnews.com
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The Central Oregon Coast
British Car Club will be
holding its first monthly club
meeting for 2017 on
Saturday, Jan. 28, at the
Driftwood Shores Resort in
Florence.
The meeting will include
conducting board elections
CRUISE
Lane Community College
Florence Center will offer a
new five-week course on pre-
serving family and friends’ per-
sonal histories starting Feb. 15.
The Continuing Education
course, “Capturing History:
How to Create Oral and Video
Histories,” is taught by Jared
Anderson, and will meet from
6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Feb. 15 to
March 15 at LCC Florence
Center.
“The core of the class will be
teaching students the impor-
tance of and the techniques of
gathering oral and video histo-
ries,” Anderson said, “From a
genealogical standpoint, hav-
ing professional quality inter-
for 2017.
The club will meet in the
conference room next to the
swimming pool, beginning at
10 a.m.
Anyone who owns, drives
or has an interest in British
automobiles is welcome to
attend.
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LCC to offer new class on saving family histories British Car enthusiasts
to meet today