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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 31, 2016)
10 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ SATURDAY, DECEMBER 31 2016 Open contempt for those in better shape is first step to a healthier you Ned Hickson Like many Americans, I recently stripped down, pre- pared myself for the worst, and stepped onto the scale. Soon after, I retrieved the scale from the front yard and accepted the fact that, yes — it was probably defective. At a friend’s suggestion, I tried our neighbor’s scale. This led to the discovery that, of the 23 scales I tested with- in a five-mile radius of our home, every single one was off by exactly 11 pounds. Being a journalist, I had to wonder: Was this a wide- spread problem? Were we being duped into needless exercise by faulty scales?! I immediately brought this to the attention of our news team, who, realizing the implications, told me to stay out of their candy drawers. The truth is, I have no one but myself to blame for put- ting on these extra pounds. This is why, every year around this time, people just like me make a commitment to start going to the gym. I know this because I rec- ognize most of these people from last year. We all have the same expression: grim determination mixed with a sense of purpose in knowing that, afterward, there’s a fast- food place nearby. We come dressed with headbands and towels over our shoulders even though we spend most of our time wan- dering around the gym look- ing for water bottles. After making this realiza- tion, I was motivated to do things differently this time. Never again would I splash water on my face, then stand close enough to someone to appear as though we are workout partners. It was time to get serious about fitness by accepting the fact that the closest I’ll ever get to having buns of steel is if I happen to leave the bread box open overnight. I just turned 50, am married and have four children; what do I need washboard abs for when I know perfectly well that my wife gets more turned on by me doing the laundry? With these things in mind, I put together a list of goals that will motivate me because they’re actually achievable. THIS WEEK ON THE First, buns of steel are out. Instead, I will settle for buns of aluminum foil; as long as they can hold their shape and don’t leak, I’m happy. Second, I understand that my metabolism is slowing down and that, as a result, my body’s fuel-burning efficiency is similar to a Humvee. Unless I’m careful, I will also weigh as much as a Humvee and require a government subsidy just so I can fill up with gas. Third, I will no longer waste my time comparing my body with anyone else’s. Especially if theirs is bet- ter. This should make my workouts twice as productive since I will be avoiding eye contact with everyone else at the gym. And finally, I will stop using the scale as my measure of success. What’s the point, really? They’re all wrong anyway. Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His latest book, “Pearls of Writing Wisdom: From 16 years as a shucking columnist” is available online at www.PortHole Books. COAST A W EEKLY L ISTING OF C OMMUNITY E VENTS IN THE F LORENCE A REA S UBMIT ALL E VENTS I NFORMATION VIA E MAIL TO P RESS R ELEASES @T HE S IUSLAW N EWS . COM Sunday, Jan. 1 M ORNING A FTER F UN R UN The 30-plus year tradition con- tinues in Old Town Florence dur- ing this year’s annual Morning After Fun Run (walk or stroll) for those who want to “get going first thing next year.” The run/walk will take place at 10 a.m. under the Siuslaw River Bridge on Bay St. The walk/run is about 3.1 miles. Afterwards, share stories and hot drinks at the Siuslaw Coffee Roasters. There is no entry fee, no motor- ized things, no training, no racing and no complaining. P EACE H IKE IN YACHATS Start the New Year off by joining with the Yachats Trails Committee and other coastal residents for the Seventh Annual Yachats New Year’s Day Peace Hike. Participants should meet at the Yachats Commons, 441 N. a.m., rain or shine. Highway 101 in Yachats, at 10 a.m. Upcoming events For more information, contact Joanne Kittel at jnkittel@peak. C ITY C LUB HOSTS B EAR , org, call 541-547-3144 or visit the I NSKIP Yachats Trails Committee online at Emily Bear and Christy Inskip, www.yachatstrails.org. who work with Lane County Prevention Section of Public Health, will speak at the City Club Tuesday, Jan. 3 of Florence Friday, Jan. 6, at N EW YEAR ’ S WALKABOUT Ocean Dunes Golf Links Club The Coastal Gem Walkers will house, 3345 Munsel Lake Road. be walking the new Toledo Ridge A lunch menu is available from and River YRE. This 10K walk 11:30 a.m. to noon; program runs includes some hilly areas. It would from noon to 1 p.m. and is open be difficult for wheelchairs or to the public. strollers. The talk will focus on what Those wishing to carpool to Lane County does for underage Toledo should meet at the drinking and tobacco prevention Commons in Yachats. and the work they are doing in the The carpool will depart at 9 a.m., Siuslaw area. so arrive a few minutes early. For more information, call Ruth Walkers can also meet at JC’s Baumrucker at 541-305-9003. Thriftway in Toledo at 10 a.m. to register for the walk. D EMOCRATS TO MEET The walk will begin at 10:15 The Florence Area Democratic CUSTOM ENGRAVING & CUTTING Commerical • Residential Weekly, Bi-Weekly, Monthly, One Time Pick-Up. We buy, sell and consign quality estate/heirloom jewelry & furniture. Gold, silver, platinum jewelry with precious & semi precious stones. 541-997-5691 541-361-9080 Easy curb side recycling program- No additional costs to our customers. Call 541-997-8104, jmirvis@charter.net Florence, Oregon Call us at 541-997-8233 Florence Antiques H ELP FOR SUBSTANCE ABUSE The Siuslaw Area Partnership to Prevent Substance Abuse, SAPP- SA, meets Monday, Jan. 9, at 3:30 p.m., at the Siuslaw Public Library. Come for a new year of choos- ing healthy living and raising awareness for a community expec- tation to be free from addictive drugs. The meeting is free and open to the public. ESTATE JEWELRY AND ANTIQUE FURNITURE!!! Awards • Plaques • Name Badges Gifts • Signage • Glassware Club will hold a business meeting on Saturday, Jan. 7, at noon in the Siuslaw Public Library’s Bromley Room, 1460 Ninth St. Members are reminded that there will be a Legislative Outlook Town Hall with State Sen. Arnie Roblan (SD5) and State Rep. Caddy McKeown (HD9), also in the Bromley Room, on Jan. 7, from 10 to 11:30 a.m. The public is welcome. Siuslaw News 148 Maple St. • PO Box 10 • Florence, OR 97439 (541) 997-3441 • Fax (541) 997-7979 www.thesiuslawnews.com Auto, Home, Life, Business Flood, Antique Auto, RV’s Medicare Advantage Plans Medicare Supplements Health Insurance Phone (541) 997-9497 1234 Rhododendron Dr / Florence Advertise your business here. Call us TODAY!
