SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2016
7 A
I’d even be willing to settle for a wallaby
As I watched three babies
Ned
snuggle together in a blan-
Hickson ket and play with each
I generally only watch
nature shows on television
when I want to appear as
though I’m educating myself
about something important,
like the plight of the prema-
turely balding Rogainian
monkey, when in fact I’m
actually planning to do an
independent study of the
REM sleeping pattern on
our couch.
However, while watching
a documentary about the
Kangaroo Sanctuary in Alice
Springs, Australia, I discov-
ered something I never
knew:
I want my own kangaroo.
other’s big floppy ears, I
inadvertently let out a sound
that my wife mistakenly
thought was a joyful whim-
per.
“Was that you?” she
asked from the dining room.
“What? No WAY! Ha Ha!
It was the kangaroo babies.”
“It sure sounded like it
came from the couch.”
“Must be the Surround
Sound,” I said.
Don’t get me wrong. I
love our two dogs. And we
have a cat. But you can’t
have fun boxing with your
dog or keep snacks in its
handy built-in pouch.
And kangaroos even bury
their own poop! Sure, our
cat will do that, but it’s usu-
ally in one of my shoes.
The more I watched Chris
Barnes, a.k.a. “Kangaroo
Dundee,” spend time with
the kangaroos in his sanctu-
ary, the more I thought to
myself:
That could be me.
Of course, I’d first have
to justify having a kangaroo
in our home. This would
mean convincing my wife of
the benefits. It doesn’t mat-
ter what our teenagers think
because, in a few years,
they’ll be gone, leaving their
mother and I to nurture our
loving, unmoody kangaroo
baby.
In fact, I’m going to list
that as benefit number one!
Having a kangaroo will fill
the void left behind by our
children!
Sure, this won’t include
filling the void of dirty dish-
es left in the sink, wet tow-
els on the floor and no food
in the refrigerator, but
thanks to the love of our
kangaroo baby we'll adjust.
Another benefit is that
kangaroos are very protec-
tive of family. While it’s
true that dogs are just as
protective, there’s no com-
paring it to the threat posed
by a 6-foot-tall kangaroo
boxing your face and then
rabbit-kicking a would-be
burglar through a window.
Kangaroos are also very
quiet. They don’t bark when
they’re mad or whine when
they want something. Come
to think of it, that’s another
void our kangaroo won’t be
able to fill once our
teenagers leave home.
Still, I’m going to list it
as a benefit since it means
our home won’t sound like a
den of wild hyenas every
time someone delivers a
pizza.
Another benefit of having
a kangaroo is that they
aren’t very good at climbing
stairs. Given that our bed-
DENTURE SERVICES INC.
Here to serve
your denture needs:
See Jim for your auto sales needs!
Dentures
Immediate Dentures
Implant Dentures
Relines and Repairs
William Foster LD
Sherry, Offi ce Manager
FREE CONSULTATIONS
Monday-Thursday
10am - 2 pm
Relines and Repairs
Same Day
Or by special appointment
Financing: Citi Health Card
12 Month no Interest
2150 Hwy. 101 • Florence
(541) 997-3475 • 1-800-348-3475
524 Laurel St.
541-997-6054
WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE SERIES | IMPROVEMENTS
It Changes Communities
T
he presidential election isn’t the only one you should be fired up to influence at
the ballot box. In fact, your local representatives, mayors and council members
have more day-to-day impact on your life than the president.
Local elected officials
make decisions on policies
that directly affect your
taxes, home value and
professional life.
THE KIDS
Children cannot vote, but
our community’s laws and
policies still impact them,
especially when it comes to
education. Our children
are depending on us to
represent their voices at
the voting booth, and we
must work to make sure we
don’t let them down.
And speaking of children,
one of the best ways to
ensure a bright horizon for
our democracy is instilling a
voter’s mindset at an early
age. Talk to your children or
students about why voting is so
important to America and how it can
impact things that are important to
them – like school, playgrounds and
public parks.
the most important aspects of your
life that can be influenced by your
local officials.
When you vote you are telling
elected officials how you feel about
these issues. Your vote can influence
decisions on funding for schools or
THE IMPACT
roads that you or family members
Your local representatives fight hard may use every day.
for your personal rights at the highest
LOCAL CREDIBILITY
levels. Wages, pay equity, fairness in
Citizens who vote hold more
hiring, pension security, taxes and
credibility over their non-voting
health insurance issues are a few of
counterparts when talking about
room is on the second floor,
we’ll never have an intimate
moment interrupted because
our kangaroo is staring at us
from the foot of the bed,
licking itself or barking to
get in.
It also means I won’t get
squeezed out of bed in the
middle of the night because,
at some point, our kangaroo
has wedged himself between
me and the headboard.
Without question, the
biggest obstacle in convinc-
ing my wife to get a kanga-
roo will be how big it could
get.
Though it takes a few
years before they reach
adulthood, once they do, it
can be like living with
another full-sized person.
With a four-foot tail.
This has already got me
thinking about an alterna-
tive; something kangaroo-
like that my wife would be
willing to compromise on.
As it turns out, wallabies
are members of the kangaroo
family and much smaller.
Naturally, the smaller size
would mean little “Wally’s”
pouches won’t be able to
hold as many of my favorite
snack foods. Plus, he proba-
bly won’t be able to fend off
an intruder more than three
feet tall. But he’ll be a
“starter” kangaroo while I
lay the groundwork for a
full-sized kangaroo later.
I plan to talk with my
wife about it tonight, right
after I show her this photo
of a wallaby holding a teddy
bear
*joyful whimper*
Hey! That wasn’t me!
I really need to turn down
that Surround Sound...
Ned is a syndicated colum-
nist with News Media
Corporation.
His
book,
“Humor at the Speed of Life,”
is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon
Books and Barnes & Noble.
Write
to
him
at
nedhickson@icloud.com.
Berlin Wall art photos
on exhibit at library
This year marks the 55th
year since the Berlin Wall was
built in August 1961 and the
“cold war” entered a new
dimension.
The photographs of the
Berlin Wall art taken by Birgitt
Lyon during the summer of
1991 while visiting berlin, are
currently on display at the
Siuslaw Public Library.
The unification of East and
West Germany had become
official 10 months earlier in
October 1990.
Lyon’s 26 photos show
paintings done by an interna-
tional group of artists on a rem-
nant of the Berlin Wall left
standing in the former DDR
(east Berlin) after the Wall
came down.
Several of the artists who
had lived under that commu-
nist regime freely expressed
their feelings through paintings
— art which had been heavily
censored in communist East
Germany. Until the wall came
down, only state-approved
paintings depicting their
“happy” life were allowed.
The paintings express the
anguish of having lived under
that oppression and then the joy
of finally having been set free.
The exhibit will remain on
display through Sept. 30.
Shorewood features cars,
Elvis and root beer floats
The annual Shorewood Car
Show will be held Friday,
Sept. 23, at The Shorewood,
1451 Spruce St., in Florence,
from 10 a.m. to noon.
This year, Shorewood
Senior Living is adding some
flair to the annual car show,
with Elvis on stage. The public
is invited to come enjoy finger
foods and refreshments while
taking in the beauty of the vin-
tage vehicles.
At 11 a.m., Elvis will take
the stage to put on a hip-shak-
ing good time.
To bring the whole show to
a close, enjoy a refreshing root
beer float.
For more information, con-
tact Belinda Shores at 541-
997-8202.
HABITAT BeachWalk 2016
Saturday, Sept. 10th, 9am-1pm
issues in their communities. Around
the water cooler at work or in the
bleachers at the high school football
game, politics are likely to pop into
the conversation.
When you place your vote, your
voice becomes more powerful and
justified to publicly convey your
feelings on specific issues. Whether
you agree or disagree with a certain
policy or legislative item, your
thoughts will be considered more
vital in the political arena if you vote.
Be at North Jetty and walk to
Driftwood Shores, have a ton of fun,
and help a family build an
affordable home.
ENTERTAINMENT and
REFRESHMENTS
at Driftwood Shores
This Habitat BeachWalk announcement is
sponsored by:
Siuslaw News
US Too Group