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SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 24, 2016
I’m officially in training for the Extreme Ironing Olympics
you keep in mind a simple
Ned
truth about the male species:
Hickson
Given enough time, any
man performing a mundane
task will find a way to hurt
himself.
And if you can hurt your-
self doing it, then it’s practi-
cally a sport already. Sure,
bowling and golf might
appear to be exceptions to
this rule. But ask anyone who
has ever jammed their finger
in the ball return, or inadver-
tently left a tee in their back
pocket and they’ll tell you
there is plenty of danger
involved.
As a man who irons, I
I have reached the conclu-
sion that most of the world’s
ironing is now being done by
men. I say this because it’s
the only explanation I have
for a sport called “extreme”
ironing, which is actually
being lobbied by “ironing
enthusiasts” for the 2020
Olympics.
And no, Michael Phelps
won’t be allowed to compete.
It’s easy to understand how
extreme ironing evolved if
know, firsthand, the danger
that comes with pressing my
wife’s favorite clothes.
Especially if I use the wrong
setting and turn what was
once a flowery cotton blouse
into our newest hand towel.
Until recently, men who
ironed were looked upon as
being wimpy. This was a stig-
ma left over from an earlier
time when men brought home
the bacon and women cooked
it... then cleaned the kitchen,
vacuumed, washed the dishes,
bathed the kids, and did all
the laundry.
Back then, men who
refused to perform domestic
chores were still called mas-
culine things such as “The
Breadwinner,” “King of the
Castle,” and “Man of the
House.”
Generally by other men.
Today, men who want to
bring home the bacon —
while avoiding any domestic
chores — are called other
things, such as “single” or
“recently divorced.”
As a result, we men have
come up with a way to
demonstrate our unquestion-
able maleness by 1) taking a
simple task and 2) making it
as difficult as humanly possi-
ble.
This is the general idea
behind “extreme” ironing,
which, according to its web-
site (www.extremeironing
.com) “combines the excite-
ment of an ‘extreme’ sport
with the satisfaction of a
well-pressed shirt.”
Being a man, I can appreci-
ate that kind of logic.
Anyone woman can iron a
pair of slacks; it takes a MAN
to do it while jumping out of
a plane.
Because of this, I have
decided to train for the 2018
Extreme Ironing World
Championships, which my
family has pledged its support
for by providing me with as
much ironing to do as possi-
ble.
In fact, as a demonstration
of her unselfish commitment
to my goal, my daughter
recently purchased an entire
new wardrobe, none of which
is “wrinkle free.”
My hope is that the experi-
ence will draw us even closer
together as a family.
At least, once I can find
them on the other side of this
pile of ironing.
(Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
Write to him at nedhickson@
icloud.com.)
Annual ‘From the Heart Dentistry’ event Thursday
From the Heart Dentistry, an
annual event established by
The Korando Dental Group to
serve marginalized populations
in Florence with free dental
care, is Thursday, Aug. 25.
For more than 30 years,
From the Heart Dentistry has
changed lives through free
dental care for those who need
it most, but who just can’t
afford it. This year’s event
takes place from 6 a.m. to 4
p.m. at The Korando Dental
Clinic, 1705 22nd St. in
Florence.
Patients can have a thorough
cleaning, extraction, or certain
other repairs done at no cost.
Patients are typically unin-
sured, un- or under-employed,
and/or homeless men and
women in the community.
From the Heart Dentistry
volunteers believe each patient
is deserving of respect and dig-
nity, and needs just a little help
that will have big results for
their lives. Some patients who
received corrective work have
gone on to regain their confi-
dence and get a job.
From the Heart Dentistry is
a nonprofit subsidiary of The
Korando Dental Group.
Financial contributions are
tax-deductible. Even though
all of the work done during
From the Heart Dentistry is
donated by nurses, hygienists,
X-ray technicians, anesthesiol-
ogists and doctors, contribu-
T he
tions from the public will buy
additional cleaning supplies,
anesthesia, and post-appoint-
ment educational resources for
patients so they can maintain
their dental hygiene.
People can contribute
securely online by credit card
at korandodentalgroup.com,
make a contribution in person
at the office on 22nd Street, or
by mail to: From the Heart
Dentistry, P.O. Box 159,
Florence, OR, 97439.
Bradley Berg, PC
Trusts
Wills
Probate
1932 Pine Street, Suite B-3
P.O. Box 2676
Florence, Oregon 97439-0164
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