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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 9, 2015)
SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2015 9 A expert and vending machine Ned repairman (not necessarily Hickson in that order), many of you Since the introduction of Mr. Knowitall, who is our resident historian, econo- mist, food critic, movie reviewer, foreign affairs con- sultant, science correspon- dent, consumer products have written in seeking advice about holiday gift- giving. Due to the enormous vol- ume of email we received, they will be answered through a lottery-style process — which means that, until he wins the lot- 45% tery, Mr. Knowitall will con- tinue to answer your ques- tions. So let us begin! Dear Mr. Knowitall: Do those electronic muscle stim- ulators really help trim fat and tone muscles? — Really hope so in Reedsport Dear Really: As you know, the principle behind the device is the utilization of a continuous sequence of small shocks that stimulates muscle activity, similar to your body’s own natural electrical impulses. An easy way to think of it is to visu- alize a car and its battery. Now visualize the car, the battery — and a pair of jumper cables clamped to your buttocks as someone starts the engine. While there’s no scientific proof this will trim fat and build muscle, studies show that most people find themselves stimulated enough to go to the gym after one session. Dear Mr. Knowitall: I’m looking at getting my hus- band something to help with his snoring. Any sugges- tions? — Yawning in Yachats Dear Yawning: I’ll tell you there are a lot of prod- ucts out there that claim to Dear Mr. Knowitall: I’m thinking of getting my wife some of that spray that helps remove body hair. Is it safe? — Harry in Harrisburg Dear Harry: Not for you, it isn’t. OFF Implants NOW FREE CONSULTATION See the DentureMaster’s difference, we do it all right here! Dr. James Ridley,DDS 206 Nopal Street Florence, OR 97439 CALL NOW 541-997-6226 end snoring problems, and most of these products are 100 percent effective. And though they may look and cost differently, these devices all rely on the same two principles, which are: • Fit into someone’s nos- trils • Be really uncomfortable This combination is proven effective because it: • Keeps snorers from sleeping My advice is to try rolling him on his side. If that does- n’t work try rolling him the other way. If that doesn’t work, keep rolling until you hear a big thud. Repeat this until he’s too frightened to sleep. 541-999-5083 Dear Mr. Knowitall: I’d like to get my wife a person- al protection device for Christmas. I heard about something on the Internet that’s a combination pepper- spray gun, flash light and whistle. Any idea where to find it? — Wondering in Waldport Dear Wondering: It’s called the Pepper Escort defense kit and was invented by Dan McClarin out of con- cern for his daughters, who are apparently very attractive and excellent at multi-task- ing. The gun shoots a steady stream of pepper spray, which causes burning of the eyes and throat, constriction of the nasal passages, and inhibited breathing. Aimed in the opposite direction, the gun can be equally effective against an attacker. In addi- tion, you can also blow your whistle and shine the flash- light in his eyes. Yawning in Yonkers, if you’re still reading, this is one option I hadn’t thought about... Unfortunately, that’s all the time for today because, as I’m sure you understand, Mr.. Knowitall is a busy man! Especially when the Cheetos runs out in the vending machine. If you have any questions, write to Mr. Knowitall here, or at nedhickson@ icloud.com and we’ll make sure he gets it. Your questions, I mean. (Ned Hickson is a syndi- cated columnist with News Media Corporation. This has been an excerpt from his book, Humor at the Speed of Life, available at Port Hole Publishing, The Siuslaw News, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble.) Eugene Ballet to present ‘Nutcracker’ It wouldn’t be the Christmas season without that classic holiday tradition, “The Nutcracker.” This popular seasonal show comes alive on the Florence Events Center stage Tuesday, Dec. 15, at 7 p.m. The Eugene Ballet’s holi- day extravaganza once again fills the stage with smiling faces of all ages as hundreds of young dancers join the company to tell this beloved story with its grand adven- tures taken by Clara and Hans. “The Nutcracker” brings the holiday spirit into focus, transporting the audience through Clara’s dreams and the wondrous characters she encounters along the way. With the Sugar Plum Fairy and her Cavalier as guides, you’ll fly away to the Snow Kingdom and the Land of the Sweets, but not before battling the Mouse King and his pirate hench-mice. Toni Pimble’s exquisite choreography and Don Carson’s colorful and magical sets are masterfully orches- trated to create the perfect tra- dition to put everyone into the holiday spirit. For tickets and more infor- mation, stop by the FEC, 715 Quince St., call 541-997-1994 or go online to www.event center.org. Joyful Noise sings out at Sunday show Joyful Noise Children and Youth Community Choir invites the community to its holiday production, “A Tree Lot Christmas,” on Sunday, Dec. 13, at 2 and 6 p.m., at the Florence Christian Church, at Second and Ivy streets. This musical is filled with vibrant songs that tell the story of a group of compas- sionate and fun-loving kids and how they demonstrate the powerful love of Christ to the greedy “Mr. Carmichael” and invite him into the fami- ly of God. Admission is free. For more information, contact the church office at 541-997-2961. CYAN MAGENTA YELLOW BLACK Mr. Knowitall is happy to answer your gift-buying questions
