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SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2015
Cats have their own wine but Bowser can crack a brewsky
Ned
Hickson
As you might expect, since
writing about Japan’s new line
of wines made specifically for
cats a couple of weeks ago, I
have received dozens of
emails from unhappy readers
denouncing what they believe
is blatant discrimination
against members of the canine
population. All of them feel
wine for cats is a really bad
idea that will only increase the
air of superiority cats already
have.
Coincidentally, most of
these emails arrived through
my “Fetch” account.
Here are just a few exam-
ples:
“If I hear Mittens talk about
the ‘rich bouquet’ of her stu-
pid wine one more time, I'm
leaving something with rich
bouquet in her cat dish.”—
Buford
“My sense of smell is 100
times greater than my owner’s.
She doesn’t have to smell Mr.
Whiskers’ horrible wine
breath. Well, I DO! Then she
gets mad when I barf on the
carpet.” — Fifi
“Cats are dumb.” — Butch
They say for every action
there is an equal and opposite
reaction, meaning that for
every cat sipping a glass of
wine there is a dog lapping up
a special libation. And not just
from the toilet. As it turns out,
dogs have had Bowser Beer
(www.bowserbeer.com) avail-
able to them since 2012, long
before “Mr. Frisky” ever
thought of getting stemware,
comparing tannins or going
out and spraying the town. In
the same way cat wine is made
specifically for a cat’s dis-
criminating taste, the makers
of Bowser Beer have created a
flavor profile that compli-
ments a dog’s natural pallet —
meaning the only thing that
isn’t in the brew is an actual
shipping pallet.
Ok, so that’s not entirely
accurate. It’s made mostly of
chicken broth and malt barley
— flavors that dogs find
intoxicating. Which is good
because (and don’t tell dogs
this) there’s no actual alcohol
content in Bowser Beer. Not
that it matters; as we all know,
dogs are big hams who can
easily be mistaken for being
intoxicated anyway.
Especially if there’s a treat
involved.
The same can be said for
most men actually, which
could explain why we are best
friends. The truth is, I have
been known to run circles in
anticipation of bacon. I am not
ashamed to admit this.
Although tripping over our
dog, who was running circles
in the opposite direction, isn’t
something I often bring up in
conversation.
I’m sure just like me, many
of you were unaware dogs had
their own beer. I think it’s
because, unlike cats, dogs
generally don’t make a big
deal out of things. Table
scraps, dry kibble or sirloin
steak, dogs are equally happy
and appreciative.
Give them their own beer
and they take it in stride.
Without fanfare. No frills.
Pop the cap and enjoy.
Not cats.
Having their own wine
meant involving a foreign
country. Import fees. A press
agent and translators.
Remove the cork and let it
breathe first because: Hey,
we're not animals!
In the end, the fact that dogs
are beer drinkers and cats are
wine drinkers illustrates a fun-
damental difference between
them. For the most part, those
who drink beer may have their
preferences, but won’t let beer
snobbery get in the way of
having a cold one if it’s
offered.
Dogs are the same way; if
it’s handed to them, they’ll
consume it.
Unless it’s vegetables. And
who can blame them?
Cats, on the other hand, will
purposely eat something they
hate just so they can throw it
up in your shoes.
As I’ve mentioned before,
we have a cat and two dogs in
our home. I can tell you we
have no intention of introduc-
ing either cat wine OR dog
beer into what is already a del-
icate balance of power
between our pets similar to
The Cold War — something
that would escalate the
moment we allowed our dogs
to open a cold one.
Should that happen, I don’t
even want to think of what the
cat would leave in my shoes.
Especially if she’s had too
much cat wine.
Ned is a syndicated columnist
with News Media Corporation.
His book, “Humor at the Speed of
Life,” is available online at Port
Hole Publications, Amazon Books
and Barnes & Noble. Write to him
at nedhickson@icloud.com
Library to announce ‘Best Books of 2014’
Siuslaw Public Library will
present its popular annual Best
Books list Tuesday, Feb. 24,
beginning at 2 p.m., at the main
branch of the library in the
Bromley Room.
This hour-long program is
exciting, fast-paced, and covers
sixty books in sixty minutes.
The list of best books is once
again prepared by adult servic-
es librarian Kevin Mittge.
Each year, Mittge solicits
recommendations for the list
from library patrons, staff, vol-
unteers and national critics.
And, being a prolific reader
himself, Mittge adds his own
favorites. The event is free and
all genres are included in the
lightning-speed book sum-
maries.
This fun, annual program is
a must for both avid and casual
readers. Plan to attend the pro-
gram to check the list for the
top 2014 favorites.
One book that Library
patrons raved about in 2014
was Liane Moriarty’s “Big
Little Lies.” And topping the
critic’s list was “Lila,”
Marilynne Robinson’s most
recent work.
Every attendee is guaranteed
to learn about a new interesting
author or intriguing book dur-
ing the presentation and will
leave with a Best Book list to
take home.
For those unable to attend,
the library’s Best Books List
will be available at the Library
following the program.
When asked what he
enjoyed most about compiling
this year’s Best Books list,
Mittge replied “Learning about
all the great books out there
that I haven’t read yet but now
want to.”
Everyone is sure to find a
new favorite read on his list.
For more information about
FAHS seeks donations
to purchase pet toys
Help the Florence Area
Humane Society (FAHS) raise
money to purchase Sensible
Harnesses and Kong toys for
dogs at its facility. These items
will help with important train-
ing and enrichment programs.
There are two ways to
donate:
1. Donate funds directly to
FAHS (as a shelter, FAHS will
be able to purchase harnesses
and Kongs at a substantial dis-
count). Specify on your check
that the money is for the
“Harness and Kong Toy
Fundraiser.”
Alternatively, you may drop
off a check at Surf City Dog
Training.
2. Purchase a Sensible
Harness or Kong toy and bring
it to the shelter. Sensible
Harnesses can be purchased at
Raining Cats and Dogs in Old
Town.
Even a small donation can
make a difference thanks to
discounts offered to shelters
by these manufacturers.
For example, $5 will pur-
chase one Kong and $14 will
purchase a Sensible Harness.
TSUNAMI SIREN WARNING
INFORMATION
If you are on the beach and the
Tsunami Sirens are activated, move to
high ground immediately and tune into
FM 106.9 KCST
If you are in the inundation zone and
the Tsunami Sirens are activated, you
should consider precautionary evacua-
tion to one of the assembly areas and
tune into FM 106.9 KCST
If you are not on the beach or in the
inundation zone, you do not need to take
any action
The All Clear “Westminster Chimes”
means the danger has passed for the
beach
DO NOT CALL 911
UNLESS YOU HAVE
AN EMERGENCY
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