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About The Oregon weekly statesman. (Salem, Or.) 1878-1884 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 5, 1886)
THE OREGON STATESMAN - FRIDAY NOVEMBER 6. 1886. 3 THE HAT MY FATHER WORE. Yon ar looking at my daddy' old bat, Which (or twenty yean he wore; His father before him "ported it For twenty years or more. It was intended to hand it down Straight on from sire to son, 'Twas mentioned bo in my father's will. But I giKWR its day is done. You'll notice it Hhape is a little odd, But it wm once in style, And its fur ry nap and color of Kray Would tie sure to make yon smile. 'Twas strongly built, and there isn't a dent To tie seen in the rim or crown, Which shows the former proprietors had No habit of painting trie town. It was never mashed o'er election news, Nor kifked in an opera hall, 'Twas gal lantly doffed to the dames of old With grace that would now appal. Its years en dear it. I will not wear it ; For how would the people rear To see me airing the old gray hat My father and grandfather wore ! A. W. Bellaw in Detroit Free Press. SMILE rWvOCATKttS. Lord Randolph Churchill fancies that be is a second Iisraeli. We should rather call him a minute Disraeli. Low ell Courier. it wrong to toast Jeff Davis?" asked aeontemwrarv. No. there is noth ing wrong about it; but why not boil him? i'uck. "What a '.beautiful form !" exclaimed Mrs. Nifty, the first time she saw an eel ; "such a long waist, you know." Bos ton Transcript. Tapa," said little William Henry "whvdothev call this boat a she?" "1 suppose, my son, because she is attached to ft buoy." tjuicago row. What is more pathetic than to see the simple faith with which a bald-headed man will buy an infallible hair restorer from a bald-headed barber? Detroit Free Tress. "Garments without buttons" are ad vertised. Evidently the cast-off cloth ing of t: chelors who don't know how to handle thread and needle. Norristown Herald. "Josephine.' said a lady to her ser vant, "vou have cracked another cup, I eee." "Yes, madam, and luckily it just makes out the dozen ; it was the only whole one left in the lot." Judge. The sultan of Turkey gets one of his ladies in waiting to read to mm tunny things out of the American papers. The suicide of the Sultan may be exacted very soon now. Burlington Free rress. Visitor "Is the doctor in?" Servant "No, sir." Visitor "That's a pity, as 1 had come to pay mv account." Servant "Oh, in that case I w ill ask again." Die Kloiue I'atriote. Kir John Lubbock has trained a wasp 80 that he strokes its bank, aad allows it to sit down on his hand. One of these days it will sit down hard, and Kir John will wish that he had spent his time in some more useful sort of employment. Burlington Free Tress. A 8t. Louis bank cashier says this is the, way to tell a twenty-five from a twenty-cent piece : "On the quarter the eagle is looking over its right wing, and on the twenty-cent piece over the left wing." The chances are twenty-five to twenty that if the eagle looked him straight in the eye, the cashier would akip to Canada. Philadelphia News. Milwaukee has a school of philosophy which is now in session discussing the "Ilenceness of the Wherefore and the Correlative Toonens of the Absolute Ut ter." The relation which these burning questions bear to the price of beer is of urgent importance to every citizen of Milwaukee. Thiladelphia Tress. An English actor, Charles Mathews, being one evening in front of the house, and seeing a geuTWrnan putting on his coat preparatory to leaving, exclaimed: 'I beg pardon, sir, but there is still an .ntt.or ai't " "Which is precisely the reason," replied the other, "why I am leaving." Boston Herald. "Youne man." said a grim-visaged nassenL'er. solemnly, "we read in the book of books that some dav this world will 1 destroyed by fire. What would vou do in the event of such an awful emergency?" "What would I do?" re peated the young man, calmly ; "I would turn the lioie on, of course. I belong to the fire department." ew lork bun. In the barrackrootn : Officer of In Btruction " When you are on sentry duty and vou see a general coming, w hat do you do?" Uecruit "Present arms. Officer "And if a group of drunken per sons walk past, what do you do then Rm-ruit "Present arms." Officer "What! Why so?" Recruit "There may be a general among them." llus- vennen. Boston Hostess do young man visiting from the west) "We Boston people, Mr, Breer.v, are laughed at a good deal for being so partial to beans, but we don't mind it.'r Western i oung Man (gal lantly) "No, indeed, I wouldn't if 1 were you, Mrs. W aldo. Beans are very valua ble nroduct. father, who knows as much about such matters as anybody in southern Illinois, says they are even bet ter than corn to fatten hogs." Life. A celebrated lawyer, who was also well known from the monumental repulsive nAHK of his features, once attacked the prisoner at the bar with great bitterness Tha Jndim advised him several times to iiu more moderation, but the lawyer con tinued his tirade: "The wretch bears his character in his face any one may read it Vhv. he's the ugliest man I ever knew." " "Counselor," again interrupted the judge, "you are forgetting yourself, From the'French. There has heretofore been occasion for nnfinif the nrecociotisness of some of the vnnnr UllllilS Of School No. 14. another instance : The other morning the estimable teacher of the fourth grade was in a great way enlightening the minds of her promising class, when she put a ques tion to this effect: "What is the greatest of recent inventions?" Instantly a boy, who if he lives and doesn't go to the t.nitnf iirv. is bound to become diBtin tuished in church or state, replied cU-htnut bell."-Butfalo Courier. "The TRIED COURAGE. i. I belonged to a Vermont regiment. It was along the third year of the war of the rebellion. All the romance of the thing had left it. We were temporarily rest ing after being engaged in several suc cessive battles, very bloody and very des perate. We had not dishonored ourselves or our state in these encounters, but our tri umphs had cost us dearly in both men and officers. We had during this resting interval been in sight of an enemy's fort, which seemed to be well protected. One night, just before taps, the word came that the fort was to be stormed the next morning at daybreak. Our colonel addressed us : "Boys, we are invited to lead the charge. The post of honor is the post of danger." My brain reeled with anxiety. We all realized it was a "forlorn hope." Our chaplain joined the colonel, and said: "Men, this is the most serious under taking you have been asked to consider. It is probable scarcely one ot your enure number can escape death. rot one ct you is compelled to go. If any refuse, he can never be branded a coward, as your records for bravery are already made. Think it over and come back here at twelve o'clock and let us know your an swer." At the hour appointed we all returned Do you ask "ail?" Yes, sir, without exception we all were there. There was some white faces, and I know my heart was in ray boots, but we wore determined faces. "Now," said the chaplain, "go to your tents, write vour letters, settle all busi ness, and if you have any sins ask God to forgive them. I shall go with you in the morning, and may the Lord have mercy on us." Daylight came ; we resolutely formed in line. We made the assault. "Into the jaws of death?" you ask. No. into an empty fort. Scarcely an hour before the enemy had evacuated it. We led the "forlorn hope" with the loss of a single man. But we had our courage tried ail the same, don't you think? Dillon. Vermont. BALLAST. "Prisoner, stand np. What's the charge, officer?" "Drunk, first, your honor." "This don't seem to be the first drunk, by any means. What have you to say, prisoner?" "Not guilty. It wasn't the whisky, your honor, it was the water. I gotwater locired." The ottier charge is larceny, your honor. He carried off two horse weights." "Only borrowed them, sir. Got so water-logged I had to use them." 'W hat for?" 'To steady myself. Meant to return them. Couldn't navigate alone. I. Bed them for ballasts!" A FACETIOUS TRAMP. "Them biled potatoes," said the tramp, "was a little bit soggy." "It's not often ye git as good dinner as that, 1 u warrant ye, declared the woman. 'Not at this season of the year," the tramp asserted. "But in winter I get all I want to eat an' it don't cost me a cent." "What do you eat?" "Snowballs. They're a heap better'n soggy potatoes." T should think they a make your mouth water," said the woman slamming the door. New York Sun. ACCOMPLISHED. "Ah, old fellow," said a gentleman, meeting another in the street, "so you are married at last. Allow me to con gratulate yuti, for I hear you have an ex cellent and accomplished wife." "I have indeed," was the reply; "She is so. Accomplished ! why, sir, she is perfectly at home in literature, at home in music, at home in art, at home in science in short, at home everywhere, except" "Except what?" Except home." AT THE CIRCUS. "Funny thing at the circus last night, "What was that?" "I saw a tumbler full of whisky jump over four elephants." "Oh, some one threw it !" "No, went alone; personal volition." "lumbler lull ot whisky jump over four elephants?" "Exactly. Only the tumbler that did it was a drunken acrobat." I never heard Liszt but once. I was a young man then, younger than lam now, but I can never forget, and no one whose soul has not bowed in humble worship at the Feet of the M Master can never know the Complete Consecration I made of rnvself while I listened to Him. He wore that weary and Haughty expression which was habitual to Him, and as He crossed the room to the piano He received our Humble Homage with Majestic yet Awful condescension, lhe very atmos phere of the room was Imbued with the M Master's Presence. As he took off His coat and rolled up His Sleeves I held my breath with both hands. He played. The M Master played. Under the Magic Touch of His Hands the heavens Bent to Listen the hoarse chords muttered like the Ketreating Storm, or the electrified keys sang all the twittering songs of all the Birds of Spring at once the Sun burst through the Kiven Clouds the Moonlight Slept upon the Bank of Vio lets, and singing Brooks ran Murmuring to the Kea grim-visaged War clanged on his Brazen Shield with mimic Thunder of the Skies, and all the Clamor of the raging battle shook the ground beneath our feet the room swam with the brilli ant perfection of every Marvelous Conceit that sprang into living being under This marvelous Execution, and when he raised Both Feet higher than his Head and brought them down upon the key board in the final Urana Hoopla, knew no more, for I had Swooned at the M Master's Feet. I never heard H H Him aguiu. Burdutte in Brooklyn Eagle. WET AND DRY. When the board -of trade of Chicago moved from the old business center there was a rush for the old offices vacated by the nabobs of commerce. After awhile, these new tenants found the high-priced rooms didn't pay, and sought all kinds of excuses to move. Among these unfortunates were Stubhs and Stobbs, Each had rented an office, Stubbs in the basement, Stobbs in the attic. W hen the renting agent came around, Mr. Stubbs announced his inten tion of moving. 'But you can t do it, you know," said the agent. "Why not?" "We've got you on a year's lease." "Well, I have reasons for abandoning the case." "What reasons?" "This basement room is damp. The glue in the desks got so damp they fell to fieces. The books are all moldy, and 've got rheumatism from it. I'd ought to sue you for damages." The agent looked scared, muttered something about "being sorry; move, of course, if you must," and went to see Air. Stubbs. -i Stubbs surprised him with a similar declaration of intention to move. "What'syour complaint?" growled the agent. "Dampness here, too, I sup pose?" "No, sir, just the reverse. Why, sir, the sun has blistered the floor till it's all out of plumb, my new desk is all scorch ed, and I've got no blood left, with the droy rot in this place." " Vou got very badly deceived by two very shrewd men," a friend told the agent, a day or two later. "Those scamps got rich on those offices." "How so? They said wet and dry " "Yes, Stubbs was in the basement next door to the saloon. Kept full all the time, and got so jovial that every body liked him. Business boomed on ac count of his rare good-nature." "And Stobbs?" "He was dry very dry. Basement saloon eight flights down. Kept sober for a month from necessity, reformed, and saved a farm in drinks m two weeks!" KEEN NOSES. James Mitchell, who died in or about 1833, in the county of Nairn, in Scotland, and was born blind, on November 11, 1795, recognized, says the "World of Wonders," different persons by smelling. Mr. Moyle mentions a blind man at Utrecht who could distinguish different metals by the different 'odors ; and Mar tial records the case of a person named Mamurra, who conld tell by smelling whether copper was true Corinthian or not. Indian travelers have recorded that certain natives who habitually ab stain from animal food have a sense of smelling which is so. exquisitely delicate, that they can tell from which well a ves sel of water has been obtained. It has leen related that by smell alone the negroes of the Antilles will detect the footsteps of a Frenchman from those of a negro. Marce Marci has left an account of a monk in Prague who could tell by smelling anything given to him who had last handled it. The guides who accom pany travelers in the route from Aleppo to Babylon will tell by smelling the desert sand how near they are to the latter place.- Nathanial Wanlev in this "Won ders of the Little World," a famous old book, gives a particularly full account of a man called John of .Liege, who, when bov, flying in terror of soldiers in time of war, passed many years alone in the depths of the forest of Ardennes, where he lived upon roots and wild fruits, the presence of which he could at least detect from a great distance by the smell alone. In the same way he detect ed the presence of men long before they came in sight. On the Kounds. TIPS FOR TODDLERS. Macon Telegraph : Kansas school teacher! "Where does all our grain go to? "Into the hopper." "What hop per?" "G 'ass-hopper!" triumphantly shouted a scholar. Uambndge Chronicle: " JJid you ever go to the circus, lummy.'" asked one small boy of another. "No," said Jommy ;" "my folks won t let me. But they took me out to hear 'Sam Jones' preach." Texas Siftings : The position is anala gous to that of Johnny Fizzletop. His mother put him in the corner because he would not say ' 'please." After he had been there awhile she wanted to make him useful in running an errand. "You may come out now, Johnny," she said, in a flute-like voice. "Not till you say please, mother," was the reply of the little boy. Boston Record : It was at a country Sunday school picnic, where great quan tities of the regulation eatables, chiefly apple pies, had been brought for the children to eat. Little Mary Jane, from away back in the hills, was there, and with her mother, who kept an eye on the child constantly to see that her behavior was perfect. Presently Mary Jane was observed dig ging into an apple pie with her knife, whereupon her mother spoke up: "Mary Jane Beats !" "What, ma'am?" "What be youa-doin'?" "Eatin' pie, ma'am." "What be you a-eatin' it with?" "Knife!" ' "So you be ! Now what have I told you about eatin' pie with your knife. Mary Jane? Take that pie in your hand and eat it as you'd ought to !" A FLOWERY FAMILY. "Why, what's the matter, my child?' "Oh, mother, my husband loves me no longer, lie wed to call me his pensive violet. Yesterday he said I was a big sunflower. "Shocking!" "And last night he said he wished I was a four o'clock, because four o'clocks shut up in the afternoon." "The brute!" "But I got even with him." "How so, my love?" "I told him it was a lucky thing his four o clock 0ened in the morning, or he'd have to sleep on the steps when he cumo horn the club." STORYETTES. Before- Willie's young cousin Bertha arrived at his home with her parents on a summer visit, his mother had told him to observe how graceful and polite her manners were, especially at table. When she came Willie observed her, therefore, with admiring interest. One day his mother said: "Do you see how nicely Bertha conducts herself, Willie?" "Yes, mamma." "Don't yon think her manners are rather better than yours?" "Yes, mamma, and I guess I know why." "Why is it, my dear?" "Probably Bertha has been better brought up than I have." Charlotte Thomson (says the Buffalo Courier) was once playing in Buffalo, and was astonished to find her audiences unaccountably thin. The play was "Jane Evre." A friend explained the cause. "The name of the chief character," said he, "is Lord Rochester, and Buffalo can't stand that." Suddenly comprehending the rivalry between two cities thus named, Miss Thompson called her advertising agent, and the next day the dead-walls of Buffalo flamed with the announce ment; "At the Sunday matinee, the chief male character will be renamed Lord Buffalo." There was standing room only on that occasion. One of the newspaper stories about the late Colonel Green, of the Boston Post, is that one day a visitor entered the office with a very pronounced desire to know "who wrote that article. JNot getting the desired information, he expressed a desire to whip some one. Thereupon Colonel Green bounced the visitor, with neatness and dispatch, and hastened his departure with the toe of a good-sized boot. The man picked himself np at the bottom of the stairs, and yelled back : "You'll hear from me again, sir 1" "Well, I'm glad to hear you say so," replied the colonel, who was looking down from the head of the stairs ; "I was just beginning to think that I shouldn't.' ' SOUTHERN WIT. Officers of both sides, the blue and the gray, were sometimes thrown together to negotiate affairs, and frequently be came quite friendly. Such was the state of thinge between General Ould, com missioner of exchange, and Oolonel Schaffer, chief of staff to General Butler, who at the time of this narrative was in charge at New Orleans. They had occasion to meet very olten, their bearing toward each other was most kindly, and they personally became great mends. They were one day togetner looking over the map of the state of Virginia. It will be necessary here to recall the fact that Richmond was at that time still "holding out." "It occurred to Colonel Schaffer that City Toint was geographically situated to become a great commercial ana com manding city. Said he : "1 am amazed that it had not become one before the war, and," enthusiastically continuing, "if I had the capital I would invest it on its site. I would be willing to invest mv all. It is bound to be a great city." Ould. with suppressed merriment and a twinkle in hiB eye, interrupted him with : "It seems to me. Colonel, if I may ven ture an opinion, that it would be better just at present to take a city already bui t." The hint was bread enough, and good- naturedly-taken. LIVES OF GREAT MEN. Goethe : Method will teach you to win time. Seneca : He who boasts of his lineage boasts of what does not properly belong to rum. Shakespeare : He that has no house to put his head in, such may rail against great buildings. Robert Hall : Some men have a Sun day soul, which they screw on in due time, and take off again every Monday morning. "I see," said Mr. Gruff, drawing along but almost invisible something from the plate of butter, "I see that Dr. Tavlor the mieroscopist of the agricultural de partment at Washington, is photograph ing butter and butterine, so that he can tell them apart." Is lie?" asked Mrs Saven, the landlady. "Yes, he is, and it occurs to me, Mrs. baven, that it might be well to take your butter up stairs and comb its hair up nice and smooth, so that it will appear presenta ble if he should come here to take its Mr. Gruff is living at a hotel now. Chi cago News. SCAVENGERS OF IMPOKTANCE. Next to the bowels, or rather la conjunction with them, the kidneys and bladder are the most Important scavengers of the system They purify the blood and carry off Its refuse; preventing rheumatism, dropsy, Brlght's dis ease and diabetes by their active cleansing work. Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, when th kidneys evince a tendency to relax the activity of their important function, renews it, and thus averts renal maladies, the most dirtlcult to cope with, and which sunerinduces a friehtful loss of bodilv tissue, stamina, and llesh. When the renal organ exmuit me sngniesi symptoms or Inaction, they should at once receive the need ful stimulus from this safest, surest and pleas- autestof diuretics. Chills and fever, dyspep sia constipation, liver complaint and debility are also remedied by it, HON. ALEXANDER H. STEPHENS. "I am directed by my uncle, Hon. A. II. Ste phens, to say that he has derived benefit from the use of Simmons Liver Regulator, aud that he wishes to give it further trial. W. G. Ste phens, Orawfordsville, (la. March SI, 1X70." Extractof a letter from Alexander H. Stephens, dated March 8, U7i: "I use, when my condition requires it, Dr. Simmons Liver Regulator, with good effect" The best Is none too good, therefore go to Piekerill & Catterlin's now gallery (near court house, on Slate street), where they make none but first class photographs. They ubo nothing but the latest process, dry plate work, such as is used by all leading photo artists, in the east. This process insures a beautiful effect in the picture, and au artistic finish. When in Salem don't fail to call aud examine this work, wtt, J. L. Norton Carrull, residing at Far Rocka way, Queens Co., N. Y., was so crippled with inliaminatory rheumatism, of ten years' stand ing, that he had to use crutches. He was com pletely cured by taking two Brandreth's pills every night for thirty nights, aud will answer any written or personal inquiries. Millinery Mrs M. E. Smith has Just received a new stock of millinery goods. As she has no rent to pay, she can sell lower than any other house in the city. Her house of business is in East Salem, nil Marion street, between Winter aud Summer. 9 7 tlw- WILLAMETTE UNIVERSITY. News Notes Concerning1 this Institu tion, Its Stndents, Teachers, and Friends. Religious services of a general nature ill be held in the chapel to-day at 3 :30 , m. Mra. Leo Willis gave the museum an interesting specimen last week.. It con sists of lexas cotton in the pod as it ap pears at picking time. Messrs. Russell Wyatt and Fred. J. Brown entered school Monday, and Miss Hattie Claggett, who has been absent for some time, returned the same day. As the winter comes on many citizens ill have wood to saw and various other chorea to look after. All such persons can find just the help they want among the students. The second semi-term rhetoricals were held in the various session rooms at 3 p. m. Thursday, and were of a higher grade than usual. Nearly every one was well prepared for duty. The tickets for Miss De Forest's elocu tionary entertainment, Nov. 10th, are out, and no one should fail to buy one or two according to his circumstances, as to singleness or duality. Yaggy's anatomical study, which is a fine piece of apparatus for teaching phys iology, has been added to the museum through the kindness of the physiology class and a few of the trustees, aided by rrot. Arnold. Among the visitors at chapel the past week were the Misses Amelia Savage, Virgie Byrd, Jennie Griffith, Dr. Doane, Misa Frickey, and Miss Jones, of Salem ; Mr. and Mrs. A. Workman, of Jiast Port land; Mr. Jones, of McMinnville; and Miss Emma Matthews, of Lincoln. They all seemed delighted with what they saw. Those who have added to the interest of chapel exercises for the week were Miss Abbie Royal and Messrs. J. B. Starr, A. Mulligan, Jonathan Swayne, and Otto Wilson. These all did credit to themselves and helped to set good exam ple for the younger oratoia and essayists who are to follow them. Miss Alice Shirley, who was married to Dr. Gieger, of Portland, at her home Wednesday evening, by Pres. Van Scoy, was a business student some vears ago, Somehow or other the business students seem to succeed admirably in securing positions as wives, clerks or teachers. Let others go and do likewise. ADVICE TO MOTHERS. Are yon disturbed at night and broken of your rest by a sick child suffering and crying with pain of cutting teeth? If so, send at once and get a bottle of the Winslow'a Soothing Syrup for Children'! Teething. Ba value Is incaiculab'e It will relieve the poor little sufferer immedi ately. Depend upon It, mothers, there is no mistake about it. It cures disentery and diarr hoea, regulates the stomach and bowels, cures wind colic, softens the gums, reduces inflama tion, and gives tone and energy tp the whole system. Mrs. Winslow'a Soothing Syrup for children's leetmng is pleasant to the taste, and is the prescription of one of the oldest and best female nurses and physicians in the United States, and is for sale by all druggists through the World. Price 25 cents a bottle. CUBE FOB PILES. Piles are freauentlv receded bv a sense of weight in the back, loins and lower Dai t of the abdomen, causing the patient to suppose he has some affection of the kidneys or neighboring organs. At times symptoms of indigestion are present, flatulency, uneasiness of the stomach. etc. A moisture, like perspiration, producing a very disagreeable itching, after getting warm, is common attendant. Blind, bleeding and itching piles yield at once to the application, of Dr. Bonsanko's Pile Remedy, which acts direct ly upon theparts effected, absorbing the tumors, allaying the intense itching, and effecting a per manent cure. Price 60 cents. Address, the Dr. Bosanko Medicine Co.. Piuua. O. Sold by Geo, E. Good. HOW TO SECURE HEALTH. EcoviU's Sarsaparilla and Stiilingta or Blood and Liver Syrup will restore perfect health to the physical organization. It is, Indeed, a strengthening syrup, pleasant to take, and has oftea proven itself to be the best blood purifier ever discovered, effectually coring scrofula, syphilitic disorders, weakness of the kidneys, erysipelas, malaria, all nervous disorders and debility, bilious complaints, and all diseases indicating an impure condition of the blood, liver, kidneys, stomach, etc. It corrects indi gestion, especially when the complaint is of an exhaustive nature, having a tendency to lessen the vigor of the brain and nervous system. AN EBITOK'S TESTIMONIAL. A. M. Vaughn, Editor of the "Greenwich Re view," Greenwich, O., writes: "Last January I met with a very severe accident, caused by a runaway horse. I used almost every kind of salve to heal the wounds, which turned to run ning sores, but found nothing to do me any good till I was recommended HENKY'B CAH BOLIG SALVE. I bought abox and It helped me at once, and at the end of two months I was completely well. It is the best salve in the market, and I never full of telling my friends about it, and urge them to use it whenever in need. THE BUCKETS OF LIFE. Scovill's Sarsaparilla, or Blood and Liver Syr up, is the remedy for the cure oi Scrofulous taint, rheumatism, white swellidg, gout, goitre, consumption, bronchitis, nervous debility, ma laria, and all diseases arising from an impure condition of the blood. Certificates can be pre sented from many leading physicians, minis ters, and heads of families throughout the land endorsing Scovill's l'.lond and Liver Syrup In the highest terms. We are constantly in re ceipt of certificates of cures from the most reli able sources, and we recommend it as the best remedy for above diseases. NERVOUS DEH1L1TATEI) MEN. You are allowed a free trial of thirty day s of the use of Dr. Dye's Oe'ebrated Voltaic Belt with electric suspensory appliance, for the speedy relief and permanent cure of ner vous debility, loss of vitality aud manhood, and all kindred troubles. Also, formally other diseases. Complete restoration to health, vigor aud manhood guaranteed. No rUk is incurred illustrated pamphlet, with fun information, terms, etc., mailed free by addressing Voltaic Belt Co., Marshall, Michigan. Cholera, dysentery and diarrhoea come with the summer imprudence iu fruit diet. Infec tion and sudden checks of perspiration cause these complaints. On the first symptom take four or Ave Braudreth Pills and drink plentiful of hot water, and you are safe. If you wish to render the bodv a fortress againstdi sease, tHk one or two Braudreth Pills every night for ten days ana tnus remove irom tne howeis all lr ranting substance and purify the blood. KEGARDKD HY A 1'IIYSICIAN. "No other remedy within my knowledge can fill its place. 1 have been practicing medicine for twenty years and have never been able to put up a vegetable compound that would, like Simmons Liver Regulator, promptly aud effec tively move the liver to action and at the same time am (instead oi weakening) tne digestive powers of the system. L. M. IIinton. M. 1., wasuiugton, Am. KEYNOTE TO HEALTH Health is wealth. Wealth means ludepen- aeuce. i ne keynote is v. isosauko s cougn ana Lun Svruo. the best Cough Syrup in the world. Cures coughs, colds, pains in the chest, bron chitis aud primary consumption. One dose reieves iu every case. Takeuo other. Price 50 ccifts and 1. Sample free. Bold by Geo. E Good. Catarrh cured, health and sweet breath se oored, by Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy. Price ;j0 oents. Nasal Injector free, for sale by Port ik Sou. LIEBIO Dispensary. Cenduoted by qualified phy clans and surgeons ragulaf graduates. f The oldkst BPECIA1V ISTia the United States, whose lipi-lono experience, perfect method and pure medicine, aure speedy and permanent curbs oi an rrivate, unronio, and Nervous DUeases, Affeo. tlons of the Blood, Skin, Kid neys, Lladder, Eruptions, ut cers, Old Bores, Swsxlino the Qi.ANns.8ore Mouth, Throat and Bone Pains, permanently cured and eradicated from th system for Lira. NERVOUSimD seminal losses, sexual decay, mental and physical weakness, failing memory, weak eyes, stunted development, impedi menta to marriage, etc, from excesses of youth ful follies, or any cause, speedily, solely and privately cared. Toang, Midd leafed ud Old Mea and all who need mkdical skill and experi ence should consult the old European Physfolaa at once. His opinion costs nothing and may save future misery and shame. When incon venient to visit the city for treatment, medlene can be sent anywhere by express mea fbom obsbbvation. It is sell evident that a physician who gives his wrolb attention to a class of dis eases attains greater skill, and physician throughout the country, knowing this, frequent ly recommend difficult cases to tneOLDisrsrao ialist, by whom every known good remedy used. The Doctor's Age and Experience make his opinion of supreme importance. gtf- Those who call see no one bat the Doe tor. Consultations free, and sacredly coitn uental. Casea which have failed In obtaining rellei elsewhere especially solicited. Female diseases successfully treated. The Doctor will agree to forfeit $1000 for ease undertaken, not cured. Call or write. Hours: Dally, from t a. m. to 4 p. m., to 8 evenings; Sundays, 1 to 19 only. Bend for the Sanitabist Ooisat Hkalth! hint run. Address as aboue. gtT" The services of the celebrated old Gl man Physician, DR. O. (ilHAiui, irom Btraus burg, have been secured at me luaam I PENSARY, H in fame as a soeclalist for disease of men is universally known, and hundreds are ually availing themselves of th opportunity ot free consultation, personally or by letter, la ail languages. DR LIEBICfS Wonderful German Invigorate Permanently prevents all Unnatural losses) from the system, tones the nerves, strengthen the muscles, checks the waste, invigorates th. whole system, and restores the afflicted to Health and Happiness. the reason go many cannot get cured ot Seminal Weakness, Loss of Manhood, etc., I owing to a complication, called PROSTATOB. RHEA with HYPERAETHE6IA, which require peculiar treatment. Dr. Liegig'i Invlgorator i the only positive cure lor ?R0STAT0RBHEA, with peculiar Special Treatment, used at to LLEBIQ DISPENSARY. VARICOCELE. 4V Or wormy veins of the scrotum. Often tnna Buspected cause of lost manhood, debility, etc. Price of Invlgorator, $2. Case of six bot ties 110. Sent to any address, covered securly from observation. Most powerful electric belts free to patient. TO PBOVI THl WONDIBFPL POWBB OF TH IK VIGORATOR. A Bottle Given or Sent Free. Consultation free and private. Call on or address LIEBIO DISPENSARY, 400 Geary st. Ban Frauclseo. Private Entrance, 405 Mason street, four block np Geary street from Kearny. Main entrauo through Dispensary Drug Store telS F.D. McDowell, Watclimaker and Jeweler. -DEALER IN- Diamomls, Watches, Jewelry, Clocks, Spectacles, Silverware, fT C.-ill and sens our fine assort ment of liADIES' GOLl WATCHES. No second hand goods. F. I. Very respectfully, McDOWJ2LL, 231 Commercial street, 8alm, Oregon, NERVOUS DEBILITATED MEN. Yon are allowed a free trial qftMrfu day of the use of Dr. Dye's Celebrated Voltafe Belt wltn Electrlo Suspensory Appliances, for the speedy rener ana pernmiif ui, uj w nenw. v of Vitality and ilatihood, and all kindred troubles. Also iot manytmier uibmuwb. va.ih,". . ... -- tlon to Health, Vigor and Manhood guaranteed. No risk Is Incurred. Illustrated pamphlet iu waled invcUipe mailed free, by addressing VOL1A10 BELT CO., Marshall, Mioa, f .:oi Female ComplMnts. A Chreat Kidney iUi.i7. tar sols i? all zi.ziiw CatarrH ELY'8 Cream Balm Gives relief atones and cures COLD in HEAD, CATARRH, HAY FUVEIt, Not a liquid, snuff or powder. Free from AV-PFUF n injurious drugs aua HAX-"F EVER oneusiveodors. A particle is applied into each nostril and Is agreeable. Price 50 cents at druggists; by mall registered, AO cents; circulars free. Ely Bros., druggists, Owego, N. Y. THE GKEAT INDIAN COUGH and LUNG HEM ED Y Can be had at Mrs. Convers', 94 Conrt street, who is agent. Also Mrs. Convers' Canadian salve may be bad there, or in any of the drug stores. 10-ao-dw-lm DR. Private The Best is The Cheapest!