WIT AND HUMOR.
Blessed is the man -who never says Lis
mother's pies are better than his -wife's.
Asparagus resembles long sermons in
one important particular the ends are
most sought after.
Adam and Eve, we suppose, -were the
first to start " turning over new leaves."
They did it to keep up the fashion.
If you want to find a Newark police
man strike the first trail of peanut shells
vou come across and follow it up.
Newark Call.
The Molly Maguires say they can't be
put down by the execution of a few of
the order. It might be well to execute
half the order, then. Danb. News.
Ant lady can press her old bonnet over
into the new summer style by placing it
on a pavement block and let a loaded ice
wagon back over it lengthwise.
As Irish soldier, being for the first
time on guard, was thus accosted by a
friend : 44 What are ye standing there
for, Mike ?" " Shure, they tould me to
stand here for a centaury !"
"Why," asked Pat one day, 44 why was
Balaam a first-class astronomer ?" The
other man gave it up of course. "Shure,"
said Pat, "'twas because he had no trou
ble in findin' an ass to roid."
No man can see a fashionable lady
make a wild dive for the bottom of her
dress without fearing for the moment
that she is going to use her train to knock
a fly off her bonnet. Danbury News.
44 What is the meaning of a back-biter?"
asked a gentleman at a Sunday-school
examination. This wa3 a puzzle. It
went down the class uutil it came to a
simple urchin, who said, 44 Perhaps it is
a flea."
A woman who has been deaf for a
longtime was at last jersuaded to go to
an aurist, and the very next day, for the
first time in ten years, she had thepleas
uae of hearing from her husband in
California.
A man never gets a very adequate idea
of the length of eternity, nor how the
people will manage to kill time during
the endless cycles, until he watches a
boy weeding the garden when he wants
to go fishing. Hawkeye.
A girl worked the motto, 44 1 Need
Thee Every Hour," and presented it to
her chap. He says he can't help it ; it
takes him two hours to milk and feed
the pigs, morning and night, and busi
ness has got to be attended to.
A French chemist makes a pill on
which the name and dose are legibly
printed. So the man who takes them
not only gets a needful medicine, but
also swallows a great deal of valuable
information. Danbury News.
They make mustard plasters so strong
in New Hampshire that the man who puts
one on hi3 back makes a grab for the
fence to keep himself from being drawn
into some State where sheep don't have
to lie on their backs to pasture.
Now does the small boy repair to the
point south of town to indulge in the
recreation of a noonday bath, and we
may soon expect a vigorous denunciation
of the shameless practice from the old
lady who owns a lield-glass. Brook
. ville Jeflersonian.
. We want our name written in a book
of gold as one who loves his fellow-men,
but fruit-tree agents and men with new
kinds of glue must stear clear of us just
the same as if we were a whole cage of
Bengal tigers with the hvdrophobia.
I Cil City Derrick.
An Irish gentleman, parting with a
lazy servant woman, was asked, with res
pect to her industry, whether she was
what is termed afraid of work. 44 Oh,
not at all," said he, 44 not at all ; she'll
frequently lie down and go to sleep by
the very side of it."
44 My. son," said a mother to a little
boy four years old, 44 whom above all
, others will you wish to see when you pass
into the spirit world?" "Goliali!"
shouted the child, with a joyous antici
pation ; 44 unless," he quickly added,
44 there's a bigger feller there."
Don't put too much confidence in a
lover's vows and sighs," said Mrs. Par
tington to her niece ; 44 let him tell you
- that you have lips like strawberries and
cream, cheeks like a tarnation, and eyes
like aa asterisk; but such things oftener
come from a tender head than a tender
If you wish to understand woman's
capacity for business, just undertake to
overhaul a high-toned dressmaker's bill.
The way one of the female harness man
ufacturers will graft bones, buttons,
sewing silk, fringes, lining, cambric,
etc., on to the original charge for mak
ing and trimming is enough to send a
first-class double-entry book-keeper to a
lunatic asylum.
44 Madame," he remarked (he always
calls his wife 44 Madame " when he de
sires to be impressive) 44 when thou
sands are starving how thankful you
should be, even in muslins and calicoes.
Every dime should be looked after now-a-days."
Just then a boy rapped at the
n ilnrki TV i f 1 , Q 1 .1 1 rv rt m.iia 1 .
speaker had ordered sent up on his way
home. N. Y. Com. Adv.
A party camping out found themselves
ia want of some essentials for making a
chowder. Slote said he would not have
a chowder without onions, and he was
lound to have some of that delectable
fruit, even if he had to take a boat and
row to the next market town for them.
"Take a bad boat, Slote," said Dun
dreary, "and perhaps it may spring a
leek or two." Boston Traveller.
A prospective father-in-law makes in
quiries concerning his prospective son-in-law
of a friend. The replies are of
. the most satisfactory character, till the
friend says frankly : 44 Still I must ad
mit that he has one grave defect."
44 What is that? Does he play the ac
cordeon ?" "He does not know anything
about gambling." 44 Why, that is not a
defect, it is a virtue." 44 Yes, but yon
see ho gambles all the same."
It looks and sounds odd, somehow, to
see and hear a big auctioneer in a cigar-
shop sweating and shouting: 44 And I'm
onlyofferedonedollarandaqnartcr forthis
Bplendidboxofcigars worth sevendollars
r- ofanyman'smoneyshalllhavetuehalfadol
laradollarandahalfl'monlyofferedforthis splendidboxofcigars dolhearthetwo go
ingattwodollarsonly forthissplendidbox
ofcigars," etc., with nobody in the shop
or in sight, but the boy that sweeps out
and does the errands.
Recently a very modest young Bos
ton lady, who wanted a pair of garters
addressed the shopman thus: 44It is niy
desire to obtain a pair of circular an-
pondages, capaoxe oi being contracted
. . or expanded by means of oscillating
burnished steel appliances that sparkle
like particles of gold leaf set with Alas--
ka diamonds, and -which are utilized for
retaining in proper position the habili
ments of the lower extremities, which
innate delicacy forbids me to mention."
Mark Twain on Chamber mails.
Against all chambermaids of whatso
ever age or nationality I launch the
curse of Bachelordom
Because:
They always put the pillows on the
opposite end of the bed from the gas
burner, so that, while you read and
smoke before sleeping, (as is the ancient
and honorable custom among bachelors)
you have to hold your book aloft, in an
uncomfortable position, to keep the
light from dazzling your eyes.
If they cannot get the light iu an un
comfortable position any other way, they
move the bed.
If you pull your trunk out six inches
from the wall, so that the lid will stay
up when you open it, they always shove
that trunk back again. They do it on
purpose.
They also put your boots into inaccess
ible places. They chiefly enjoy depos
iting them as far under the bed as the
wall will permit. It is because this
compels you to get down in an undigni
fied manner and make wild sweeps for
them in the dark with the bootjack, and
swear.
They always put the match-box in
some other place. They hunt up a new
jlace for it every day, and put a bottle
or some other perishable glass thing
where the box stood before. This is to
cause you to break that glass thing,
groping about in the dark, and get j'our
self into trouble.
They are forever moving the furni
ture. 'When you come in. in the night,
you calculate on finding a bureau where
the wardrobe was in the morning. And
when you come in at midnight, or there
abouts, you will fall over the rocking
chair, and you will proceed toward the
window and sit down in the slop-tub.
This will disgust you. They like that.
No matter where you put anything
they won't let it stay there. I hey will
take it and move it the first chance they
get.
They always save up old scraps of
printed rubbish you throw on the floor,
and stick them up carefully on the table,
and then start the fire with your valu
able manuscripts.
And they use more hair oil than any
six men.
They keep always coming to make your
bed before you get up, thus destroying
your rest, and inflicting agony upon
you, but after you get up they don't
come any more till the next day.
O George! What a Damsel,! She
was young and fair, and a tear glistened
in her eye as she laid her curly head on
his shoulder and exclaimed: "O George!
I think if I found you did not love me
I should die."
"My darling," ho answered, passing
his hand gently round her dimpled chin,
"I will always love you. Do yon think
I would marry you if I did not feel sure
of it. In a few days at the altar I shall
vow to love you all my lift, and I will
keep my vow." A lovely kind of beati
fic happiness played for a moment
like sunshine on her lips, and then she
whispered:
"O George! I like to hear you talk
like that; you have been so good to me.
You have given me a diamond locket,
and a gold watch and chain, and rings
that an angel might wear outside her
gloves and not be ashamed, and I
thought that one day you'd be sorry
you'd given mo all these nico things and
want them back again, it would break
my heart."
He held her gently against his manly
breast, and answered with a quivering
voice; ,40 my darling! there is nothing
on earth that could happen to make me
repent giving you a few tokens of my
love, or make me want them back again."
She sprang from his arms like a joyous
dear, she shook back her sunny curls,
and, with a whole poora in her hazel
eyes, exclaimed:
44t) George! you have taken a load
from my heart. I've come to say that
I cau't marry you, after all, because I've
seen somebody I like better, and I
thought you'd want your presents back
again." London Fun.
Swaping Wives. When Sir Samuel
Baker, the African traveller, was taking
leave of Kamraso, King of Unyoro, that
potentate asked him, as a particular fa
vor, to leave Lady Baker behind. This
cool request raised Sir Samtiel's ire, and
in high indignation he told the King
that if he ever made such a request
again he would shoot him. Lady Ba
ker, too, who overheard and understood
the offer, felt that a word from her
would not be out of place, and gave the
monarch a piece of her mind in the
strongest language she could command.
His Majesty for a while, was greatly as
tonished, being unconscious of having
given any offence. At last, seeing that
his guests were really angry, he said, in
a deprecating tone, "Don't be angry.
I did not mean to offend you by asking
for your wife. I will give you a wife
if yon want one, and I thought you
would have no objections to give me
yours. It is my custom to give my visi
tors pretty wives, and I thought you
would, like to exchange. Don't make
a fuss about it; if you don't like to do
as others do, there's an end of it." Xem
Tor I: Sun.
How They Bzhave When you at
tempt to kiss a New Jersey lass she strug
gles until she is out of breath, when she
submits to a great many without a mnr
mur. Tis said, when you kiss a Bostcni girl,
she holds still till you are through, when
she flares up all at once, and says, 44 1
should think you would be ashamed."
"When a handsome young man steals
a kiss from a Louisiana girl," says a fel
low who has "been there," "she smiles,
blushes deeply and says nothing."
The Nantucket girls are dangerous;
fer, when a fellow attempts to kiss one
of them, she says, 44 Shear off, or I'll
split your mainsail with a typhoon!"
When a Baltimore lady is kissed, she
says she feels as though she had been
taking chloroform, and remains insensi
ble as long as the operation last. Sen
sible ladies, theyl
There were two of them hanging over
the front gate the other night. She was
standing within the yard and he on the
sidewalk outside, both leaning on the
top rail, and apparently as happy as two
pigs in a cornfield. He was saying,
44 Now, my own little darling, sweet
idol of my soul, whose image is ever to
my heart," when he saw the old man
coming down the front walk, and con
tinued in a different strain, 44 The potato
bugs haven't destroyed our crops so
much since we purchased Paris green,
and you will find also that cabbages can
be raised better on a richer soil." The
old gentleman heard it, and turned back,
saying, as be entered the house, 44 These
young people take more interest in agri
cultural affairs then people generally
suppose."
Thank God, Von Ees Dead.'
A friend of the writer was once trav
elling in a stage-coach in New England,
and arrived at a village at nine o'clock
in the evening, where the vehicle was to
remain until morning. Having some
acquaintances in the town, he went out
immediately to call upon one of them.
Returning to the tavern at midnight, he
found all the beds in the house occupied
but one of the dozen cots that had been
put up temporarily in the parlor, for it
was 4 'court week" at that county seat.
During the day my friend had been
greatly amused by a fellow-jiassenger, a
lively young Frenchman. Where he
was that night my informant did not
know when he retired to the unoccupied
cot in the parlor, but he soon found out.
The sleepers in the other cots were
making "night hideous" with their
snoring to varied cadences, some puff
ing, some with long-drawn nasal sounds,
and all in discord. At length one of the
snorers brought up with a snort and was
suddenly silent, when the young French
man, who occupied a cot at the further
end of the room, aud had been annoyed
by the noise of the sleepers, cried out,
44 Thank God, von ees dead!" Harper's
Mtfjazin" for July.
A piocs father, who was recently con
ducting the barbarians through themen
agerie, halted them before the great,
sagacious elephant, the behemoth of
Scripture, and said to them: 44 Behold,
dear children, another evidence of the
great and almighty power of Omnipo
tence. You may buck the striped tiger
of the Orient, but there is no use buck
ing against the elephant, when once you
set out to see him. The sturdiest baggage-smasher
it-coils in dismay from an
encounter with his trunk. The glory
of his nostrils is terrible. Selah! He
eateth hay like an ox and giveth him
the waters of affliction to drink. And
thiuk, dear children, when the last aw
ful day comes, and there is no use giv
ing alarms of crying, 4Fire,' and all the
insurance companies go up higher than
Gilderoy's kite, imagine what must bo
the intense heat of that exciting hour,
when even, as we are told expressly in
the Good Book, the elephants yes, ele
phants such as you behold leforeyou
shall melt with fervent heat. Now let
us pass on to admire the bounteousness
of nature as evinced in the Sumatrian
musk-ox."
-
44 Hanging On." One was a parcel
boy and the other a cash-boy, and as
they halted under an awning for a min
ute the parcel-boy asked:
44 Do you get the same old wages yet?"
44 Yes, just the same."
44 Haven't you been presented with a
watch or a cane, as a token of esteem?"
4 No not a thing."
44 Don't the boss ever ask you up to a
Sunday dinner?"
"Not a one."
44 Never comes around and asks your
advice about the market?"
"Never."
44 And he hasn't, got a daughter to fall
in love with you, and commit suicide if
she can't marry you?"
" No."
"Well, I don't see why you stay there.
It must be awful humiliating to a boy
of your temperament."
44 So it is it's just awful on me, but
I'm hanging ou in hopes of finding a
live-dollar bill on the floor and buying
all the rock-candy I can eat. Seems as
if I could taste it now yum! Goodbye.
Few people know how we boys suffer
dav after dav." Detroit Ficn Press.
Old Si came in and wanted to know:
" Dere hain't bin no new Marshal 'piuted
down hyer yit?" 4 4 Nut that we heard."
44 An no new Pos'marsters?" "No, sir."
44 Well, how is dis, eunyhow? I thought
dat we gone got er new Presydent, an
dar woz gwine ter be er new deel all
'round?" 44 It seems that we have got
the new President." "When are we
gwine ter git de new deel, tho; dat's
what is agertatin' de mind ob de hungry
publick?" "Well, Hayes says he is not
that kind of a railroad spike he is not
for a new deal, it seems." 44 An dat's
what he says? Well, he's er beat man,
'kase ef dat platform woz 'greed ter in
dis country whar'd be de use of univer
sity suffridge, fifteentdemendment, and
de 'lecktive franchise? You jess start
dat prinserpel ob ankerin men in oflis
down hyar, and hits gwine ter 'stroy all
the eutrnst in de 'leckshins an 'knock
poliyticks higher dan a kite 'raong nig
gers and white folks gin 'rnlly!" At Inn
it t Constitution.
44 Couldn't Lie for that Money".
A story is told of a young Waterville,
Me., lawyer, who was of convival turn,
who had in his hands a number of un
settled accounts against an old farmer
in the vicinity, who never paid any debts
until he was sued, and then only after
loud outcries against the lawyers for
44 grinding the faces of the poor." One
day he came in to settle a bill, when the
lawyer offered to discount him a dollar
and a half if ho would go into the street,
mingle with all the groups of people
whom he meet and lead the conversation
up to a point where he could incidentally
remarked that he (the lawyer) was a
sharp and worthy fellow. The old man
wanted the money, but finally he said
impressively: "Squire! I'm a very old
man and have done many wicked things
in my life; but with my views of eternity
I can't lie for that money." The dollar
and a half was discounted without ex
torting any recompense therefor.
Nice old lady, with spectacles and a
hand-bag, gingham frock and sun um
brella. Scene, Sutter Street Railroad.
Enter, spruce young lady, bonnet on
the back of her chignon, six-button kid
gloves, pull-back very tightly pulled.
Old lady makes room; young lady man
ages to sit down sideways, just on the
edge of the seat, great strain on her har
ness. Old lady sympathetic, looks at
the young woman full of compassion:
"Biles. I suppose; I've had 'em thar."
Young woman scornfully indignant.
Bell rings; car stops. Old lady sur
prised, wi2es her glasses and says, ''Sen
sitive, poor thing." Argonaut.
The Springfield, Massachusetts, Re
publican tells this as the latest Moody
story current in Northfield: The Hins
dale butcher drove past Monday, Moodv
ran out. 44 Beefsteak?" "Yes." "When
killed?" said the evangelist approaching
the cart. 4 "Yesterday." 44 1 don't want
any meat killed on Sunday." Butcher
drives on, soliloquizing sottn roce. Re
turns Thursday, passing the Moody resi
dence, full drive, Moody hails him again.
44 Beefsteak?" "Yes." 44 Bring in ten
pounds," 44 We don't take money earned
on Sundays!" and butcher drives on.
Appears Mondav morning again. Moodv
on the watch." "Beefsteak?" "Yea.""
Lays in large stock; no questions asked.
Better is a sullen and lonesome boy
where safety is than much fireworks and
ashes therewith. --N. Y. Graphic.
COURTESY OF BANCROFT
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA,
RKRKFLEY. CALIFORNIA.
Helpful Sympathy A newspaper ed
itor in the mining regions of Pennsyl
vania philosophically observes: " When
a man gets both of his legs smashed,
rendering him unable to work for three
months, there's nothing that cheers him
up so much, and so effectually keeps the
wolf from the door, as for his fellow
workmen to pass a series of resolutions
praying for his speedy recovery, and
ordering an engrossed copy of the same
to be presented to his family."
Itelnt ioitkliip of Uralu and Kloiuwli
Is a close one, indeed. They are connected by
that wondrous elastic link, the sympathetic
nerve, which communicates the abnormal sen
sations of the orgin of digestion to that of
thought. Now, if digestion is disordered, the
brain, being the great local point of the ner
vous system, all the nerves are in some degree
affected. The main cause of nervous trouble is
impaired digestion, and that is usually pro
duced by weakness of the stomach. Ilostetter's
Stomach Bitters rectifies this, and overcomes
nervous debility by infusing increased energy
into the operation of the oim"s of nutrition".
Through the agency of this Le.tieent tunic,
not only are the nerves vitalize d, bat the entire
organism acquires vigor and regularity.
Lile I us urn 'I aims Ailjnfel.
James Munsell, Jr., has established special
facilities in the East for presenting in due form
nnd collecting all kinds of claims on policies in
astem Life Insurance Companies iu liquida
tion. Parties filing claims through this agency will
le relieved of all further trouble, and final set
tlement will bo made with them at this oflice.
It is a matter of great importance that claim
ants should place their policies only in tho
hands of persons of exoerience iu the insur
ance business, ia order that their policies may
be properly valued, and their interest efficiently
as well as faithfully represented. Appreciating
this fact, several attorneys-at-law in San Fran
cisco and elsewhere, have placed the claims of
their clients in the hands of this agency for
presentation with the Courts and Receivers in
Eastern States.
For tho direction and information of claim
ants in the interior, who are unacquainted with
these matters, special reference is made to the
Managers of tho principal Life and Fire Insur
ance Companies iu San Francisco, l'arties
holding policies must take prompt action in or
der to protect their interests and secure their
claims, because it is absolutely imperative that
claims be tiled in the East within a specified
time from the date of the lirst publication of
Iteceiverships, which in some instances h;ts
nearly expired.
Office, 221 Sansome Street, corner California,
over the Bank of British Columbia, San Fran
cisco. From . riummer, Jt. !., Auburn. X. II.
"Although averse to countenancing
patent medicines, I cheerfully make an excep
tion of your very excellent lung preparation
Da. Wistak's Balsam uf Wild Chf.hkt. This
preparation I have used in my practice for more
than ten years past, and have always found it to
be of more effectual service than anything with
in my kuowleuge. 1 recommend it with the
greatest confidence to those subject to coughs
and pulmonary complaints, hold by all di n
gists.
One More I'lirorlmialr.
Almost every day the papers chroni
cle tfie suicide of some twxir unfortunate whose
mind has lteen enfeebled by dyspepsia, over
whose earthly horizon a iieavy gloom has gath
ered from the untold and un tellable agonies of
this cruel complaint. Dyspepsia is one of the
most depressing diseases aftlicting humanity. It
is cosmopolitan in iiu nature no country is ex
empt from its visitations, no family free from
iU attacks. There is a balm in Gilead ; it comes
in tin- siiape of the I'ebuvian Syrup. For years
it has been scattering its blessings abioad.
There is, probably, no disease -which experience
has so amplr proved to be remediable by the
Peruvian Syrup as Dvspepsia. The most invet
erate forms of this disease have been completely
cured by this medicine, as ample testimony of
many of our first citizens prove." Soldby all
druggists.
Casckb can re Curkd. Dr. JIonu, of Phil
adelphia, announces his discovery for tho radi
cal cure of Cancer. JVo Knife! No Pain!
No (JauMiv! Remedies with full directions
sent anywhere. Pamphlets and particulars sent
free. Address witli stamp. Dr. H.T. Bond, 859
North Broad st., Philadelphia, Pa.
w
if iu rn iti:i
HKN'D FOB
lliilr:il'i IUok and
Mot to (lie
Magnetic Elastic Truss Co.,
wuU Sac ramus to St., San Francisco.
1)IIOT4K Actresses, 5c.; Hper-ial subjects, 10c.
each; Catalogue. 3c. N. L. Whitney, pub. aim
dealer, 67 Jackson street. Chicago, Illinois.
THE SECRET
Adviser and Private Med
ical (Juiae. SulTVrers from
physical debility, indiscretions and excesses, send
2!ic. to Dr. John Cooper, P. O. Box 2,14.1. Phiia., ?et a
copy, cure yourself, and save expense and exposure.
N. F. BURNHAM'S ' 1874"
WATER-WHEEL
la drrlnrnl the "STAMHItll TI RBIXK,"
by over .1 persons who us- it. Prier rr-tl tiol.
New pamphlet, free. N. K. BUKNHAM, York, Pa.
J i.. rouKWKix-M ui:..
TAL ROOMS, 230 Kearny SL.
.near Bush. Han Francisco. Kthkk or
c r
fChi.orokob.v administered A ladv
assistant in attendance. Jhaditatkh
only employed to operate.
REVOLVER FREE
Seven-shot revolver.
with box cartridges.
Address J. Bowu ft Son, 126 und i: Wood street,
Pittsburg, Pa.
CHEMICAL STRENGTH " cure seminal
Vy weakness and all forms of debility resulting
from error or excess f 3 per bottle. Sold at ail drug
stores. Ckakic k Briqhah, Agents. San Francisco.
WANTED AUKSTS III each couuty on
--M-r salary, to sell a new machine.
Address, inclosing names oi two references and 50c.
to pay for corresponding, A. Sklmar, care Lock
Box 82-1. Newark, O.
QILHAM S GREEN OINTMENT,
FOR all external diseases of the Horse, has no
equal. For sale by Traders, Drnegists and Harness-makers.
MAIN fc WIKCHKSTKR,
Xl-f and l Battery Street, San Francisco.
QCTTI CDC On Public Land can get
OL I I LI.no Patents direct on entering.
Address U. '. GRAHAM. Washington. I. C.
PAIXTER'M ytAX-VAl.. House and Sign
Painting, graining, varnishing, polishing, kalso
miuing. papering, lettering, staining, eliding, etc.,
SO ts. Book of Alphabets, 60. Scroll and Orna
ments. $1. Furnisher and Cabinet Finisher, 50.
Watchmaker and Jeweler, 50. Soapuiaker, V: Tax
idermist. 50. Of booksellers or by mail. J ESSK
HANKY fe CO., 119 Nassau St., New York.
Dividend Notice.
SAN FRANCISGWINGS UNION.
332 California Ktre!. ror. Webb.
InOR HALF YEAR ENDING WITH JUNE 30.
- 1877. a dividend bas been declared at the rate of
eight and seven-tenths (8 7-10) percent on Term lie
posit and seven and one-fourth (7'4) on Ordinary De
posit, free of Federal tax, pavable on ana after July
11,1877. I.OVELL WHITE. Cashier.
Save Your Money
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cheap Ht HOWI.AND'S NEW GALLERY.
I'lense call and see our work and get our prices be
fore sitting elsewhere, and be fure and remember
Him number, 35 Third Mtrt. corner f Jessie
B. r. IIUH LA. AriiKt.
. - San Fkaxcisco, Cal
RICHESSE DU SANG. Introduced Into America as
Is a French Iron preparation which closely mixes
ud with the very economy of the system and
renews its mechanism by giving to the blood
that necessary quantity of red globules which
constitute the healthy vitality of the individual
under its influence the appetite will he revived the
cheeks will gradually redden, the energies, moral
and physical, will be strengthened, and consequent
ly life moWe rnjoynble. It has none of the dis td van
tages or ordinary Iron try it. Ask your chemist for
It. or apply direct to C. MKI.QI IO.ND, Agent 415
sansoms street, cor. Commercial, San Francisco.
R. THOMPSON,
ATTORNEY AT J. A IV.
KOOM NO. -79 MONTGOMERY BLOCK, corner
FranclK0ODWOmer,r nd WbiW 8trets?a0
jT-speclaJ attention given to RHubrnnr ,
general prac tice In the Lilted tv5 cS?I F
fP. O. Box 191.
LIBRARY,
I rice IM)
San Francisco May 30, 187T.
W the undernlgned llholrnale ro
'. lake ilratnr In rrmarkiuglbr in.
rrratfd demand ror IIohpii'm Prpuiliiiu
Yeaat louder, and of teMif ins to Ihe
central a!irstctluii civeii b.v (bis branti :
San Francisco WELLMAN. PECK & CO.,
KOOT & SANDERSON'.
LEDDEN. W HIPPLE & CO ,
HAAS BROS.,
TABER, HARKER CO.,
T. M. PIKE & CO..
.1. A. FOLGER & CO..
NEWTON BROS, i CO..
CASTLE BROS.,
KRUSE & ECLEK.
JONES k CO..
M. EURMAX k CO.,
F. DANERI & CO..
M. & C. MANGELS.
TILLMAN & BENDEL.
ALBERT MAU & CO..
W. W. DODGE CO.
Hacramk.nto ADAAtS. McNEILL & CO..
MEBIL'S k CO.,
BOOTH & CO..
MILLIKEN BROS.
BARNARD'S 'IMS
SAN FRANCI-CO, CAL..
OFFERS the best facilities for a lirst clans Busi
ness Education. You may a'tenrt two days free
of charge to see how -on like if. No more students
Hie admitted than Professor Ititruard can personally
instruct. Each student receives personal instruc
tion. Over one hundred reference to graduates iu
Sun Francisco.
i:iWAii isosffcui v to.
I.ott-r Ir-w and l.iiliogrille
AND
BLANK BOOK M J N V F A C T V R fc It S ;
Printing Oflice and Book Bind, ry,
I.-ldeM!orrSt.. from Clay lo Commercial.
SAN FRANCISCO.
Money t lLasa
ON FIRST CLASS FVRMING LANDS. IN
large sums, at low rates. Ijtnds bought ml
s Id. Parties having money to loan can always find
good securities, bv applying to
w.m. i.i:Frnwt:ti,
No. 13 Stevenson's Building, s. VV. Cor Montgom
ery and California stree ts. San Francisco.
VSATIItH'AL JritXI.-liol.ll SPICY
and ORIGINAL! containing the Freshest end
Brightest l iterature of thj day. Hun.i.i s r Km
TOttiAUs! Caustic Criticisms. Hre-zv Sketches.
Publlsned every Saturday. For sale ly ii'l liewi
dealer. Kdilori.il Rooms and HUffiness OmVc, 522
California street. Sun Francisco.
BOUGHT AND SOLI).
1
VI V A X (IS M A l K iinMIMMl STOCK .
. Aoci.n.'.tN Solicited, und Ordeis bv Mail or Tele
graph Promptly Executed on Commission at
SAN FRANCISCO STOCK BOARD,
COLLATERAL LOAN
NAYIIVGK 55 A K ,
Corner Post aud Kearny Streets,
SAN FRANCISCO.
HARRIS & BRADLEY,
Manufacturers of llurils's
IMTHXT FJSUIT imiHKN.
Patent Heater for Dairy use, for Steaming Feed fo
Stock; Patent Heater for Ijiuudry or Bath House.
Also. Windmills, which are made of Cast and Gal
vanized iron, ami warratnied to work as well and
last as long as those ro.Ming three times as much.
All of the above machines are fully warran ted. All
that is asked is a fair trial, and if lliey do nt give
satisfaction the money will be refunded. All who
wish a rhesp, efficient Fruit Drier, should not fidl lo
call and evamine Harris's patent before purfhasiug
any other muke or style.
A
A
A
A
I
Maize Flour Toilet Soap!
Maize Flour Toilet Soap!
Maize Flour Toilet Soap I
A great discovery? a new soap compound ! It
srthes, softens, ami whitens the sk n, lias wonder
ful healing and superior washing properties, and is
equally suited for the bath, nursery, and general
toilet. It is delightfully perfumed, and sold every
where at a moderate price. Reglutered iu Patent
Ofllce, 1876, by the manuf:icturers.
McKEONK. VAN 11AAIIE.N & CO.. Philadelphia.
GLADDING, 1BEAN & CO,
Manufacturers of and Dealers Iu
ALSO, IRRIGATING PIPE.
213 MARKET ST.,
BAN FRANCISCO,
And 116N lo 1172 lirosid h ay, Oakland.
Manufactory al LINCOLN, PLACER CO., CAL.
CALII OKXIA MILITAHY
ACAIDEOVIY.
For Circulars address REV. DtVID w.
".I KK. Phikcipal. Oakland. Cal.
Oflire aud .Manufactory, ai A 33 Iteale M(.
r ka A CISCO.
SPECIALTY
REMOVAL.
!-. has removed
to ai flay street. Dis
eases of theErK and Kab
receive especial attention.
Mcdxcal arul tiurplcal treatt
rnentgiven In all diseases.
Mnch experience In Throat
and Lung diseases. Electro-
lied in diseases of the nervous system. To (ieiilto
rinai-y diseases much atter4ou is given. Mav b
cousulted by letter. Address vV. J. pa COM M 11
m (lay Street, San Francisco, (over Clay st reel
Savings Bank), Rooms 1,2 and 3.
Hoots anil Shoes.
JOII. Sl'LLIVA ., N. E. cor. Bat
tery and Jackson St , San Francisco
offers to make to order the best French
Calf Leather BOOTS at from S to ?9 0l
California Leather Boots. . . . L
French Calf Oxford Ties, . . Km
:- ...u-5 niiu .Tnoes mane to order
Persons in the country ordering Boots and Shoes in
the amount of (12 or more will V alfowed S
tionof four percent., to make the express charee.
FAhtTl:'1o7t,,,'Sb.o,'9oH, MY
PositivyfconeNpLHck ",S HhS 8Ut ' - D
COIIEIV.
jr-sg-GO AND SEE or write to Dr. Coheu the
only living Astrologer. He has practised
rectly the past, present and futiueT elves re iahle
.,,IhE,tI?S,"D'1.? diCe- of bnat KoS! consult
ing blm. Consultation Fee, 2 by letter 3. iwalif
medicine is a positive cure for liveT and kidnev
SiTJf -i,nta' ,nP.urlty of the blood. nwvoMdebinty
heart disease, rheumatism, catarrh, lung disease,
fever, diseases of the stomach and female mseS
VVnmoavrat"- Medicine wUl be sent to
all parts of the coast. Oftice, No. 40S Kearny St
corner of Pine, San Fraucisco. 7 1
P ; vitrified
Jiliiiigo
THE COMMERCIAL HOTEL, SAN FRANCISCO.
Twenty-six yeabs ago a native of Brooklyn, New York, inaugurated a hotl in this city It
was opened in June, 1851, and, with filial devotion to the city of his nativity, Mr. John Kelly jr
the gentleman in question, christened it the " Brooklyn." Time hrings changes and sometime
pleasant ones. It is therefore a matter of congratulation to be able to announce that Mr - John
Kelly has advanced with the times, and moved from the scene of his former labors into that pw
agon of modern hostelries, " The Commercial Hotel." This new building, which has come mv
existence simultaneously with the birth of Montgomery Avenue, is the most perfectly arranged
hotel in the citv. Everything which the American mind connects with the idea of comfort
there. The silent elevator, the softly carpeted halls, the fountain in one of the rotundas, the t.ri
vate laundry, barber's shop, billiard rooms, and perfectly ventilated parlors are all there. Til
electric bell is to be found throughout the house, and there is not a dark room in the whole es
tablishment. An irregular space, almost a pentagon in form, has been left vacant in the outer
of the building, so that Ike most modest visitor and the wealthiest tenant have their equal sLgr
of God's free light and air. The cost of living at the Commercial is a new era in California : o
tel life. For two dollars a day the guest is as well accommodated as he could be at any first-class
house for double the monev, and the richness of the furniture challenges competition with anv
caravansary between New York and San Francisco. It is not necessary to describe the endW
variety of reps and silks with which the hotel is upholstered, or to dilate on the richness of u
highly carved black walnut bureaus, bedsteads, mirrors and hnffrts. The building arxt furniture
cost over $300,000, and the utmost good taste is united to this lavish expenditure. The diuine
room is about 90x40 feet, and is lit by nine chandeliers and numerous side lights. The parlor u
magnificently carpeted and ablaze with cut-glass chandeliers, trembling with legions of diamond
hued pendants. There are 175 rooms in the house, any one of which is fit for the best gentle
man in the land. Circular rotundas, surrounded by a carved balustrade, keep the ventilation ol
the lofty halls perfect, whilst they add to the light and cheerfulness of the various etogef. Th
range in the Kitchen cost $2,700 and is capable of providing a banquet for 500 persons. Ele
gant statues occupv the niches in the main stair-case, and gas pedestals are placed in the center
of the lower floor directly under the rotunda. The carpeting of the hotel is the richest probabU
in t-.e city, and there is an air of comfort about the Commercial Hotel which can be better felt
than defined. It only needed to be known that ' Ktlly of the Brooklyn " was runnine the new
hottl to insure its immediate prosperity. It fills a bill in this city long desired, but as yet never
accomplished. Under the management of Mr. John Kelly, Jr., the Commercial affords a pala
tial home for men of moderate means who seek the comforts of a first-class establishment unal
lied with the mammoth charges of first-class houses.
IMPORTANT TO
WSPAPE
RTTSSEIX, GIBSON & Co.
Are now prepared to offer extraordinary induce
ments to Newspaper Publishers :
Ol'TSIORV I.NAIUEX, Sl'PPtEJIESTS.
Or entire newspapers, printed with or without our
Co oDerative Advertisement", ou more favorable
terms than ever before offered.
No Advertisements of our own
inserted among reading matter,
so that patroiis can always know
how much they should be credited
with.
Our selections of reading matter, toirether
with our Nan Francisco Letter and Market Report
are acknowledged features, and jfive entire satis
faction. Be particular and address your communications to
Western Xeivspaper Union
5IH (LAY NT.. Nan FranriM-o.
RUSSELL, GIBSON &. CO., Pkoprietous.
A
MERICA
SEWING MACHINE.
TIi rce-Uit tors I. fit Friction tlaan any
other Mncliine.
IT BEATS THEM ALL !
Nl f - Tlirr mI Ing
Shuttle!
Self - Thrpaillng
--! 1- 1
I.iglite!
KunnlUB
Stillest
till in if
feiiiiplefct !
-y Tills Machine
is ta-st becoming
known as the
15EST in the WOIMLIH
See It ! Try It ! Buy It !
Warranted to Give ENTIRE SATISFACTION.
AMERICAN SEWING MACHINE CO
. It. HtHlD, nauasrr,
184 FIFTH STKEET. - - - SA N FUAN.dsCO.
tt.lood AjrentM Hautnl In all uiioccu
pied Territory.
BUSINESS
COLLEGE,
No. 24 Post Street
F.Mlabllnhed In lsft3. Impart a Tbui-
ouah and practical EducHtion in all Commercial ami
English Branches. French, Herman, Spanish Dravv
ng and Telegraphy. For information, call at Col
lege, or address, for Circulars.
E. P. HEALD, San Francisco.
International Hotel,
824 and 826 KEARNY ST.,
SAN FRANCISCO. CAL.
1.SO and 2.l0 Her Day, aud less
GueHto to the Hotel Free. Beware of otherCmch
nd Runners.
H. C. PATRIDGE,
Proprietor.
AMERICAN EXCHANGE HOTEL,
NAN FKANCISO).
'PHIS or.) AND POPULAR HOTE1 WHICH
, has for the last twenty-four years extended to
the traveling public a cordial welcome and comfort
of a home, und so favorably known to old Califor
mans and the traveling public, that it requirev no
comment on my part further thau to say that Thoh,
Bkyak, who is an old Califomian.and knows how to
cater to the wants of the traveling public, has taken
the full proprietorship of the above hotel, and will
leave nothing undone to make this hotel second to
none in San Francisco for
Comfort. Good laving and Cleanliness.
My sole aim shall be to the comfort and welfare o
my guests. The table is famished with the best the
market affords; the house has been thoroughly ren
ovated and newly furnished throughout; two hun
dred rooms well ventilated.
t4entlemanly and obliging clarks. and tdean aud at
tentive waiters will always be round iu my Hotel
The Hotel is the most centrally located of any' in
the city, being In the centre of the business iortlJU
of the city; the Street Cars pass the door every two
minutes to all parts r.f the city. The Hotel Coach
with red lighta, will be at the railroad depots and
wharfs to convey passengers to the house free of
charge; my Runners wear Silver Badges on left
breast with the name of the house on.
. " Rtwnre ,f other A'imwri. Hotel Price, ure
from fcl.OO to a.OO per Lay. OivVme a ,Zl and
ludge for youraelvea- 1''M'N.
PaoPKiicTCa.
GRAND REDUCTION IN PRICES.
Having just received a Large Invoice of
WEST OF IGLAD GOODS,
Therefore Informs his patrons that be will make
CLOTHING TO ORDER at the - Lowest VAfiH
PKICK for the next Sixty Days:
Business Suits to Order, - $25
Pants to Order, - - - $6
Dress Suits to 0rder,;$35 to $50
Commercial St., cor. Leidesdorff,
AStD
No. fl Coaxxiy J3ti-oo
SAN FRANCISCO.
E
DIME
SAA IIVGS rjVSTv,
CIS Market St - t. Kan Franrltrv.
F. A. ItrTHKRFOKD.
W. .M:MAH(IN O'BKIKX,
Til OH. V. O'BlilEN.
PRKSir.H.VT
C'ASHIKH
ATroa.vtv
Inrorisiraled In IHIiO. II.UT1 Iepoitor.
Tcnn Deposits
lo I i Ooiit lcr A.iiitttm.
Deposits ri-celved in Kold, silver or currency, and
iu sums of ten cents and upwards.
Deposits may be made by mail or through WelU.
Faro & Co., when Bank Book or Certificate of lie
posit will be returned free of charge.
WATER, WATER,
OR
IP
1
J
H
THE CHEAPEST. THE BEST.
The only eommon Muse Pipe.
1'iikily Laid. Stand an.v I'miure.
Eaaily lapped with an ordinary auiter.
BJOz-Pend for C irculars and information to
AMERICAN TIIK CO., '
28 California Street, San Francisco.
BUSINESS
COLLEGE,
320 Post Street,
SAS HIANCISIO.
OPPOSITE I-NTON SQUARE, HAN FRANCIS
CO. The oldest and most complete Commercial
Yllere on the coast. Elegant halls; new furniture;
thorough instruction: practical teachers: higbstauii
ing with the public student can commence at aoj
time. Day and Eveninir sessions. Circulars may
be bad free on application.
"There Is no member of society by
ln this book will not be found use
ful, whether he be I'arent, Preeeptor or
rUiKjiuan.'-I.OV DON TIM F.N.
225tli EDITION, BY
E. Be F. Curtis, M. D.
A V T II O It O F
"Medical Essays on Marriage"
" Nervous Force." etc-
A Medical Essay on the Causes of
EXHAUSTED VITALITY, PRE
MATURE DECLINE, and all kin
dred ailments, addressed to those
suffering from the destructive ef
fects of ABUSE, EXCESS or IN
DULGENCE. Price. One Dollar, bv mall. Address Da. Crans
520 Sutter Street, San Francisco.
IMPORTANT NOTICE.
IR. CURTIS ran be eonaulled dally,
from 10 A. 91. lo 3 I". 91.. or from I I 1 .
91.; on Kundaya from II to 2 only, at bl
ofliee aud reoldenee. 3SO Sutter Street, be
tween Howell and Jfaton.
CONSULTATIONS CONFIDENTIAL
13 I . JS 37 I IV IV IS "V ,
.o. II ur.invv vriKM.
na aiUKif,
a TREATS ALL CHRONIC AND SPECIAL DI-
MIDDLE-AGED MEN.
There are many of the aee of thirtv in ixtv who
J"P troubled with too freqnent eva"-nation of lb
bladder, often ni-r-n t n mi 1 1 1 twf K A o i i t. ....... r, . n 17 ur
burning sensation, and a weakening of the svsteui
111 a manner the patient cannot account for. 6u ex
amining the urinary deposits a ropy sediment w-IU
often be found, and sometimes small panicles of ai-
""7" appear, or me color be or a nun "u
miltcish hue, aeain chanum? to a dark and torpid
appearance. There are many men w ho die of this
dlfnculty ignorant of the cause, which Is th second
stage of seminal weakness. Dr. Spimiev will tfuai
autee a perfect cure in all sncli ctuu-s, and a healthy
resioration of tbe eeiilto-urinary organs.
Oftice Honrs 10 to 4 and 6 to 8. Sundays from IU
to 11 a.m. Consultation free.
Call or address DR. A. R. SI'INNF.Y,
No. 11 Kearny Street. Sun FraucL-
TO T1IK
NERVOUS ailflpiLITATED
TIt. HTinNIIAHT'H
ESSENCE OF LIFE
CURES NERVOCS AND PHYSICAL DEBIL
ity, and restores- exhausted vitality In '"''
weeks as sure as water quenches thirst. Price r3
per Bottle, or 4 Rottles flu case) ?10. Sent lo any -dress
upon receipt of price, or C O. D.
To be had onl vt 40 Kearny St., San Francisco
Oal., where all letters should he addrewsed. Oflice
Hours from 8 A. M. to 4 p. M.. and 6 to 8 r. u.
CALVERT'S
CARBOLIC U 4
Sheep Wash.!!
a
3
IAN HOOD