Oregon City enterprise., August 11, 1876, Image 1

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l ORIGINAL DEFECTIVE L ' " '' " fM&J
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DEVOTED TO NEWS, LITERATURE, AWD- THE
BEST ISHiTEIRESTS OF OREGON.
VOL. 10.
OREGON CITY, OKEGON, FRIDAY, AUGUST 11, 187(5.
NO. 42.
jjgjggMg w nn-nrnr1, !.!i..n...lM n t,rT.TWWg
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THE ENTERPRISE.
A LOCAL NEWSPAPER
F O It T II K
Farmer, Business )Ian, & Family Circle.
ISSUED EVEIiY FRIDAY.
FI? A 1ST K S. mLKT,
PROPRIETOH AND PUBLISHER.
OFFICIAL PAPER FOR CLACKAMAS CO.
OFFICK In Kxtkri'RISK r.uil.lincr, one
: urr south of Masonic niiildinj;. Main St.
Term of Sulmcriplioti
Single Copy One Year, In AJvanw S2.50
' Six Mont hs " " l-"0
o
Terms of Alverl
Transient ndv.-n i.sm-nts, including
nil not ic-s, v square of twolv.'
ii,s".ne week........ 2.j0
Kr.rea.Mi subs'-iu-nt insertion J.
n c..i...a. ::
SVrt-r - y
liusiii'-ss Card, 1 square, one year 12.D
SOCIETY XO TICKS.
ok !:; i.ic;i-: xo. 3, 1. 1. . f.,
Meets every Thursday
Odd l-'eUows Hall, Mam TS:.
street. Members of the Or
der are invited to attend. Jiy order
iir.iu.LC v ir.:m:i: i.oih;k xo.
I u. n. r ., ,mti!s SIP ft?
J. ,,..1 ..n.l 111-1 II TllS- '-' i
dav evening eaeh month, tmi 1.."
at Vt o'eloek, 111 tlie Ul
1-Vll,.us' II. ill. Membersof tho Degree
aro invited to attend.
Mi n xoii tn i.oix;!: no. i, .i
A. A. ' lolds its regular eom- A
liuuiieaiicvus on tlu First and V-.
Third Saturdays in each month, "
at 7 o'eloek from t'.-.e lint h of Sep.
jenilier to the -1 f March ; and 7'i
o'eloek from ? e -iltli of March to the
ll'ith of S -p: -mlicr. I'.rethren iu good
standing are invited toattt-nd.
l'.v enter of W. M .
I A 1. 1 I '. N (' A I I'M 1 : XT XO. !,!. .
O. I. M.-fs at Odd Fellows' q
1 1 : 1 ! 1 oiit!i 1'irt and Third Tues-
ilny of e:iei month, f'atrian-hs v
in 'ijood standing are invited to attend.
n r s i .v -; s s c a 11 1 x.
J. V. XOKKIS,
r,-(ii7iee Tp-stairs in Cliariaan's T.rick,
Main street. tt'
1 ) K. .!( )1 I TNT W ITG 1 1
DEfJTIST,
OFl'li K IN'
OltKtiON CITY, OItK(;.
IIIvrleHt fiinU lrii-o lai'.l f'r "outy
Order.
HUELA7 & EAST HAW!,
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW-
POIITI4 WD-la Opitz's new hric-k, "0
First street.
OIIKUOX CITY Chiinnnn's l.rlok, up
stairs. s-pt.'ltf
johtjso a sysccovri
ATTORNEYS AM) C3i:.SEL0RS AT-LAV.'.
Oregon City, Oregon.
K7"Vill praetiee in nil the Court of the
Sfaf. Kjveiiil ntteution sriven to eases in
the U. S. Land (!nc at Oregon City.
O 5aprlST2-tf.
L. T. 1 5 A 1 I N
ATTORfiEY-AT-LAVJ,
OIIMWX CITY, : : OF2X;OX.
Will praetice la all the Courts of th
State. Nov. 1, 1 7, tf
JOHN 31. I5AC0X,
IMrOTlTF.H AND DF.AT.F.R
In It.K.ks, Stat ionery, IVr.t'u'ti- -T; A'
ery, etc., etc. jJitiJ
f"trfj City, Oregon.
. At the Tost Oftlee, Main street, east
x. 11. uk;ufii:li).
Established sinco '49.
One door ni.rtl. of Hope's Hall.
MaiOaStrcrt, Orecou City, Orriron.
An assortment of Watches. .Towel
7vVX T.v.an.I Seth rhoaias" Weight Clocks
i. .'8 all of which are warranted to he as
W'-- represented.
C"ltepairin done on short notice and
h ankful for past patronasre. '
t'asH p.iitl for County Or.ler
J. H. SHEPARD,
I3oot ;aiicI F?1ioo Stove,
One door north of Ackerman Pros.
T5.vts and shoes made and repaired as
oheap'ns t he ci. eapest.
Nov. 1, 1S75 .-tf
CIIAS. TCISTIOIIT,
c.ixin , oiti:f;ox,
PHYSICIA x v x I) dri (; t; 1ST
Prescriptions carefully filled at. short
notice. jaT.tf.
MILLER, MARSHALL & CG.,
IAY Till' HKJIIEST rRICE Foil
X WilKAT, at all tl:..s, at the
Oregon City rIills,
And have on hand
Ai:i:i3 and FLOUR
to sell, at market rates. Parties desirinjr
teed, must fuiisli sacks. novlJtf
IMPERIAL V1 ILLS,
LaRoetnie, Savior & Co.
Oregon City.
Keep constantly on hand foC sale Flour
Mid. lmtrs, Bran and Chicken Feed. Parties
purchasing feed must furnish t he sack
o
TOO I.I VMS.
Horn he frrew to manhood fair,
Weak he strayed from mother's care,
Mad he wed a woman low,
I)runk he dealt a deadly Mow,
limits he broke a mother's heart,
Wrong e'en from the very st. i t.
Horn he grew to manhood fair,
Strong he pri.ed a mother's eare,
hoved he wed a maiden pure,
Kind he helped the neri'y poor,
Dead is mo li ned by every ne,
(Jood oh, true and faithful son!
Hill ana the "Widow.
Aji Interesting Story.
Wife," said Evl. Wilbur one
morning as he sat stirring las coti'ee
with one haml, liohling a plum cake
on his kuee with the other, and look
ed across the table into the bright
eyes of his neat little wife, "wouldn't
it be a good joke to get bachelor JJill
Srniley to take "Widow Watson to
1'orepaugh's show next week?"
"You can't do it, E1; he won't ask
her; he's so awful shy. Why, he
came by he-re the other morning
when I was hanging out some clothes
and ho looked over the fence and
spoke, but when I shook out a night
gown he blushed like a girl and was
away."
"I think I can manage it," said
Ed; "but I will have to lie a little,
lint then it wouldn't be mush harm
under the circumstances, for I know
she likes him, and ho don't dislike
her; but as yon say, lie's so shy.
I'll just go over to his place to bor
row some bags of him, and if I don't
bag him before I come back don't
kiss me for a week, Xellie."
So saying, Ed started, and while
he is passing on, we will take a look
at liill Smiley. lie was rather a
good-looking fellow, though his hair
and whiskers showed some gray hairs,
and had a set of artificial teeth. Ev
ery one said ho was a good soul, and
so he was. lie had as good a hun
dred acre farm as any in Virginia,
with a new house and everything
comfortable, and if he wanted a wife,
many a girl would have jumped at
the chance like a rooster on a grass
hopper. JJut Iliil was so bashful,
and when Susan IJerrybottle, who
he was so sweet on, though he never
said '"boo" tt) her, got married to
old Watson, lie drew in his head like
an old mud turtle into his shell, and
there was no getting him out again,
though it had been noticed that since
Susan had become a .widow he had
paid more attention to his clothes,
and had been very regular in his
visits to the church the fair widow
attended. lint here comes Ed Wilbur,
"(rood morning, Mr. Smiley."
"(jood morning. Mr. Wilbur, what
is the news your way?''
"Oh, nothing particular, that I
know of," said Ed, "only the show,
that everybody is talking about, and
everybody and his girl is going to.
I was over to old Soekrider's last
night, and I see his son (ins has got
a new buggy, and was scrubbing up
his harness, and he's got that white
faced eoit of his as slick as a seal. I
understand he thinks of taking Wid
ow Watson to the show. lie's been
hanging around there a good deal of
late, but I'd just, cut him out, I would.
Susan is a nice little woman, and de
serves a better man than that pup of
a fellow, though I would not blame
her much either if she takes him, for
she must be dreadful lonesome; and
then she has to let tier farm out on
shares, and it isn't half worked, and
no one else seems to have the spunk
to speak to her. ly jingo! if I were
a single man I'd show a thing or two."
So saying Ed borrowed some bags
and started around the corner of the
barn, where he listened knowing
that the bachelor had a habit of talk
ing to himself when anything wor
ried him. "Confound that young
Soekrider!"' said Hill "what business
has he there, I'd like to know? (Jot
a new buggy, has he? So have I, and
new harness, too; and his horse can't
get in sight of mine, and I declare I
have half a mind to yes, I will go
this very night and ask her to go to
the show with me. I'll show Ed
Wilbur that I ain't such a calf as he
thinks, if old Watson did get the
start in the lirst place." Ed could
scarce help laughing outright, but
he hastily put the bags on his shoul
der, and with a low chuckle at his
success, started homo to tell the
news to Xellie, and about five o'clock
that evening they saw Hill go by
with his horse and buggy, on his
way to thfo widow's, lie jogged
along quietly, thinking of the old
singing school days and what a
pretty girl Susan was then; and won
dered inwardly if he would have
more courage to talk up to her,
until at distance of about a milo of
her house he came to a bridge over
a large creek, and it so happened
that just as he came to the middle
of the bridge lie gave a tremendous
sneeze, and blew his teeth out of his
mouth clear over the dash board,
and striking a plank they rolled over
the side of the bridge and dropped
in three feet of water. Words can
not do justice to poor liill, or paint
the expression on his face as he sat
there, completely dnmfounded at
this startling piece of ill luck. After
a while he stepped out of his buggv
and getting down on his hands and
knees looked into the water.
"Yes, there they were," at the bot
tom with a crowd of little fishes
rubbing their noses against them,
and hill wished to goodness that his
nose was as close for one second.
His beautiful teeth that had cost
him so much, and the show coming
on and no time to get another set
and the widow and young Soekrid
er. ell, he must try and get them
ouiueuuM , auo no ume to loose for
some one might come along and ask
mm wiiat he was fooling around 1 toned up so tight on such a warm
there for. He had no notion of ! evening, and what made his face and
spoiling his good clothes by wading I hat so dirty, until, as they were go
in with them on, and besides if ho , ing down a little hill, one of the
did that, he could
not go to tho
widow's that night, so he took a look
up and down the road to see that no
one was in sight, and then quickly
yiudressed himself, laying his clothe's
in the buggy to keep them clean.
Then he ran around to the bank,
and waded iuto the ice-cold water
but his teeth did not chatter in his
head he only wished they could.
Quietly he waded along so as not to
stur up the rand, and when he got
to the light spot, he droped under
the water, and came up with his
teeth in his hand, and replaced them
in his month.
But bark! What noise is that ? A
wagon, and a little dog barking with
all its might, and his horse is start
ing. "Whoa! whoa! stop, you
brute, you; stop." But stop lie
would not, and went oil" at a spank
ing pace, with the unfortunate bach
elor after him, and the little dog
.yelping after the bachelor. Bill was
certainly in capital running costume,
but though lie strained every uerve,
he could not touch the buggy or
reach the lines that were dragging on
the ground. After a while his plug
hat shook off the seat, and tho hind
wheel went over it., making it as flat
as a pancake. Bill snatched it as
he ran, and after jamming his list
into it, stuck it, all dusty and dip
pled, on his head.
And now ho saw the widow's house
on the hill, and what, oh, what will
he do? Then his coat fell out; he
slipped it on, and then making a des
perate spurt, he clutched the back
of "the seat, and scrambled in, and
pulled the bullalo robe over his legs,
and stull'ed the other thing..; beneath.
Xow the horse happened to be one
tl
nat no trot irom
. i 1 . 1
squire Moore, and
he got it from the widow, and the
horse took it into his head to stop at
her gate, which Bill had no power to
prevent, as hadn't possession of the
reins, besides he was too busy but
toning his coat up to his cuia to
think of doing much else. The
widow heard the rattle of the wheels
and looked out, and seeing that it
was Smiley, and that he did not at
tempt to get out, she went to the
gate to see what ho wanted, and
there she stood with her white arms
on the top of the gate, and her face
right toward him, while the cold
chills ran down his shirtless back
clear to his bare feet beneath the
buii'alo robe; and the water from his
hair and the dust from his hat com
bined to make some nice little
streams of mud that came trickling
down his face. She asked him to
come in.
"No. he was in a hurry, "he said.
Still he did not attempt to go. He
did not like to at-k her to pick up
the reins for h;m, because he did not
know what excuse to make for not
doing so himself. Then he looked
down the road behind him and saw
a white-faced horse coming, and at
once surmising that it was (ins Sock
rider he resolved to do or die, and
hurriedly told his errand.
The willow would be delighted to
go, of course she would. ',But
wouldn't he come in."
"No, he was in a hurry," ho said;
"had to go to Mr. Green's place."
"Oh," said the widow, "you are
going to Green's, are you ? Why, 1
was just going there myself to get
one of the girls to help nie quilt.
Just wait a second till I get my bon
net and shawl and I'll ride over with
yon," and away she skipped.
"Thunder and lightning!" said
Bill, and he hastily clutched his
pants from beneath his feet and pre
pared to wiggle into them, when a
light wagon, drawn by the white
faced horse, driven by a boy, came
along and stopped beside him. The
boy held up a pair of boots in one
hand and a pair of socks in the
other, and just as the widow reached
the gate again, he said:
"Hero's your boots and socks, Mr.
Smiley, that you left on the bridge
when you were in swimming."
"You're mistaken," said Bill,
"thev are not mine."
"Why," said the boy, "ain't you
the man that had the race after the
horse just now ?"
"No sir, I am not. You had bet
ter go on about, your business."
liill sighed at the loss of his Sun
day boots, and turning to the widow
said: "Just pick up the linus, will
you, jdease; this brute of a horse is
forever switching them out of my
hands."
The widow complied; and then he
pulled one end of tho robe cautious
ly down, and she got in.
"What a lovely evening," said she,
"and so warm, I don't think we need
the robe over us, do we ?"
Y'ou see she had on a nice dress
and a new pair of gaiters, and she
wanted to show them.
"Oh, my!" said Bill, earnestly,
"you will find it chilly riding. I
wouldn't have you catch cold for the
world."
She seemed pleased with his ten
der care for her health, and con
tented herself with sticking one of
her little feet out, with a long silk
neck tie over the end of it.
"What is that, Mr. Smiley, a neck
tie?"
"Yes," said he, "I bought it the
other day and must have left it in
tho buggy. Never mind it."
"Bat,"said she, "it was so cave
less;" and stooping over she picked
it up and made a motion to stuff it
between them. Bill felt her hand
going down, and making a dive after
it clutched it in his hand and held
it hard and fast.
Then they went on quite a distance,
he still holding her soft Lttle baud
and wondering what he should do
when he got to Green's, and she
; wondering why he didn't say some-
thiii? nice to her
as well as squeeze
' her hand, and why his coat was but
t traces came unhitched, and they had
to stop. j
"Oh, murder!" said Bill, "what-
next ?" . j
"What is the matter, Mr. Smiley?" j
asked the widow with a start that
came very near jerkiug the robe off i
his knees. - j
"One of the traces is eff," said he. j
"Well, why don't you get out and j
put it on?" j
"I can't," said Bill ; "I've got that j
is I haven't got oh, dear, I am so
sick! What shall I do?"
"Why Willie," said she tenderly, j
"what is tho matter? do tell me," j
and looking into his pale face she .
thought he was going to faint, so she j
got out her smelling bottle and pull- j
ing the stopper out with her teeth, i
she stuck it to his nose, liill was j
just taking his breath for a mighty j
sigh, and the pungent odor ma Jo j
him throw his head back so far that j
he lost his balance and fell over tho I
low backed buggy. The little woman j
gave a scream as his bare leg- Hew j
past her head, and covering her face
with her hands gave to tears or
smiles it was hard to tell which.
Bill was "right side up" in a mo
ment, and was leaning over the bad:
of tho seat humbly apologizing and
explaining, when Ed Wilbur, with
his wife and baby, drove up behind
and stopped. Poor Bill felt that he
would rather have been shot than
to have Ed Wilbur catch him in such
a scrape, but there was no help for it
now, so he called Ed to him and
whispered in his. ear. Ed like to
burst with suppressed laughter, and
he beckoned to his wife to drive up,
and after saying something to her he
helped the widow out of Bill's buggv
into his, and the two women went on
leaving the two men behind. Bill
lost no time in arranging his toilet
as well as he could, and then, with
great persuasion, Ed got him to go
home with him, and hunting- up slip
pers and socks, and getting him
washed and combed, had him quite
presentable when the ladies arrived.
I need not tell how the story was
wormed out of bashful Bill, and how
they all laughed as they sat at the
tea table that night, bat -will con
clude by saying that they went to
the show together, and Bill has no
fear of Gus Soekrider now. This is
the story of Biil and the Widow, ja.st
as I heard it from Wilbur. Eur fur
ther information ask Wilbur.
in an lirst a
aK-raie-e his
Slanecd.
Wife vr
Sir Walter Scott used be fond
of teilinir the following storv of his
cousin "Watty." Watty aforesaid
was a midshipman in the navy. On
a certain occasion he and his mess
mates had gone on shore at Ports
mouth and l.ad. over.-tayed their
leave, liesid.es spending their money
and running up a bill at a tavern at
the Point. Their .ship made signal
for sailing, peremptorily calling all
hands on board, but when they would
have started, the landlady said:
"No, gentlerr;en, you cannot escape
without paying your reckoning."
And to confirm her words she called
a bailiff and his posse to take charge
of them.
The midshipman felt they were in
bad scrape ami begged to be released.
"No, no," said the resolute matron,
"I must be sa'isried in some way.
You must be aware, gentlemen, that
you will bo totally ruined and dis
graced if you do not go on board in
time."
They groaned bitterly, for they
knew she spoke tho truth.
"Wtrl," she continued, "I'll give
yon all a chance. I am so circum
stanced here that I cannot well carry
on my business as a single woman,
and I'must contr ive somehow to get
a husband, or, at all events, I must
be able to produce a marriage certifi
cate. Now, tho only terms upon
which I will set you free are that
one of yon will consent to many me!
I don't care a snap which it is; but,
by all that is holy, one of you I will
have for a husband, or else you all
go to jail and your ship sails without
you."
The vixen was not to be coaxed
nor treated. Tears and prajers were
of no avail. After a time the poor
middies agreed to draw lots. Watty
drew tho matrimonial slip of doom.
No time was to bo lost. The marriage
license was speedily procured and
they went to tho nearest chirch,
where the knot was tied. The bride
on her return to the tavern gave
them a good dinner, with plenty of
wine, and then sent them off in her
wherry. Of her own accord she had
proposed to her husband, that as the
marriage certificate was her chief
prize, ho was at liberty to live apart
from her forever if he so chose.
The ship sailed, and the young
gentlemen religiously adherctfto the
oath of secrecy they had made previ
ous to drawing lots. A year after,
at Jamaica, a tile of English papers
reached the midshipman's berth, and
Wat.ty, who was carelessly looking
them over, was attracted by the ac
count of a robbery and murder, and
the execution of the culprits at Ports
mouth. Suddenly leaping to his feet,
and waving the paper above his head,
forgetful of his oath in the excite
ment of ecstasy, ho cried out: "Thank
Heaven! My wife is hanged!"
Said his honor, "Mr. Peters, why
don't you sit down?" "I don't sit
down any more, sir." "But von
must." "I can't, sir." "Why can't
you ?" "Well, sir, she said we both
couldn't sit in one chair, and I tried
to demonstrate that we could, and
she picked me. up und Sat me "on a
red-hot stove, and I don't think I
caretosit down.if it please the Court."
The Court agreed with the witness.
. -
Because au oyster knows when to
shut its mouth, there is no occasion
to brag about its advantage over a
womau. If a woman's month were
as big as an oyster's, she'd shut hers
too.
COURTESY OF BANCROFT LIBRARY,
miTTTPDOTrpv O'C Pf.T TUriCMTi
Down t ho Sierra:-;.
The Vastest Driver in California.
A short time before 1 left Santa
Barbara, says a correspondent of the
Louisville Conrler-.Iounuil , I chanc
ed to take a few hours' ride on the
stage to a little town called llincon,
where I spent several days shell
gathering. There was on the box
beside the driver another m .n. a
driver off duty a few days f a bunt
and fishing frolic, lie amused me
very much by his stories. In
speaking of the anticipated fast rail
road trip, he told me of a ride lie
once had down the mountains. Said
lie: "If I do say it myself, I. am
known as the fastest driver in Cali
fornia. Whenever they want fast
driving they send for Charlie Crow
el. I drove Bowen and Bichardson
and all them follows over the Sier
ras; but the tallest lime I ever made
was when a wager of ten thousand
dollars was pending between tho old
California Stage Company and the
I'ioneer Stage Company. I drove
for the, California. The track was
from Virginia City to San Francisco.
Old Lent you know Lent, one of
tho richest men in the State them
days well, he telegraphed mo to
drive him iifty-five miles of the way.
Says he: 'Have your horses and
everything ready to start at a ilash.'
Says" he: 'Get a good ready, and I'll
pay the bill.' I knew Lent you know;
I knew what he meant by a good
deal abroad. I wasn't drunk, an' I
wasn't sober. I just had enough to
make me determine to win tho job
or go to the devil. I strapped my
self on to the box and Lent and two
other fellows jumped into the stage,
and I laid my whip on. There was
six horses, as riiie flesh as yon ever
seen. Them horses, was worth S10,
000. I just laid on the whipat every
jump
1 n.jver took off the w!
up
during the whole fifty miles. We
was going down grade, down the
Sierras; the road was pretty rocky,
and sometimes I didn't skip the
chasms, a thousand feet deep, by
more than two inches. It makes
my Hesh crawl now to think of it,
but then I was just nerved up to do
anything, and we come down that
grade a linking. I had sent word to
Taylor (ho is now superintendent of
the 'Coast line'). 1 sent word to
him to have his coach and h'U-cs
rer.dy, and when he seen .me a com
ing, if I couldn't pull up my horses
to follow right alter me down the
road till f checked up. So Taylor,
he was all ready arid he was to drive
the next fifty miles, and ho seen me
a coming, and he said he thought
of John Gilpin, and Jehu, and. says
he 'heil to blazes, if I don't think
Charlie's mad,' says he 'them horses
can't check up till t'uoy run into the
Paciiic Ocean,' and he starts down
the road and me after hwn, and we
run eacli other live miles before we
could pull up and change passen
gers. I was black and blue all over,
but I made fifty-Mve miles in four
hours; the time's on record or I
wouldn't tell it. That's the fastest
time ever made with a stage coach.
The California beat by one hour and
twenty minutes the whole distance.
The Pioneer gained on us in tho bay.
Our company owned an ocean stea
mer, but she couldn't keen np -A-ith
the high pressure North-Biver boat.
She wasn't built for shadow water,
but for all that wo landed our pasen
gers in 'Frisco just an hour and
twenty minutes before the eld Pi
oneer came steaming in.
"The company gave mo this fine
gold watch for the driving I did that
day. Says Lent, says he, 'Charlie,
you saved us,' says he, 'and Lent
says it.' Says he, I never took such
a ride. Half the time I didn't know
whether I w as in or out of the coach,
and I was brusied from head to foot
like jelly, but all the time says I to
the other boys, Charlie knows what
he's about.' Says he, "He's tho best
whip in these diggin's,' says he.
Whenever I mean business I send
for Charlie Crowel, and he'll drive
to tiie devil if I want him to.' "
"But,"said Cro.vel. after a bit, "I
wouldn't take that ride again for all
the money in this State. I wonder 1
wasn't killed. I can't see what f?av
ed me. I was jast full enough to be
a fool, that's the truth of it; but for
all that I got the old watch, and
a reputation for driving fassiuvuiuu
the devil, and I have pride enough
not to go back on my record.
"I have been driving twenty-five
years, and never hurt any one nor
had any accident happen." As a
specimen of stage travel think this
driving of Crowd's entitled to a
place beside the timo of the "light
ning train."
-
A Fuxeiul Oitvrio.v. Alexandre
Dumas was not one of those orators
Avho so readily turn the grave-mound
into a rostrum. When Frederick
Soulie was buried, they asked Du
mas, on tho ground, to pronounce
the funeral oration. "Impossible!"
ho replied, "I have not the heait to
make pretty phrases here." Anthony
Beraud had prepared a long speech
and said to Dumas. "I will speak,
but you are the most famous person
present and cannot avoid saying
! s.omethimr." "Well.' said Dumas
"I will begin and j-ou-inust inter
rupt me." Dumas began: "By the
side of this tomb where repose the
mortal remains of him whom v.e all
mourn" Beraud sprang forward,
"Tears choke his utterance," he
cried; "the tears of Alexandre Du
mas on the grave of Frederick Son
lie! What tribute more eloquent?"
ami he proceeded to reel off the ora
tion he had prepared two days be
fore. The idea that women are akin to
the angels loses force after a man
has seen a party of six of the seraphic
beings engaged in enfilading a dish
of baked beans.
A Mean Iievii
There were a score or more of
women gathered together at M'
Johns in's house. Mr. Johnson is ;
good-hear 'od nv-oi ind repee'1'1
citizen, though he is rather skepti
cal about some things. Tho women
had just organized "The Foreign
Benevolent Society," when Mr.
Johnson entered the room. Ho was
at once appealed to donate a few dol
lars as a foundatioitfip,Avl; k v
and Graham added:
"It would be so pleasant in after
years for you to remember that yo..
gave this son ry its first dollar :r.a
its first kind word."
He slowly opened his wallet, drew
out a $10 "bill, and, as the ladies
smacked their lips and clapped their
hands he asked :
"Is this society orgviiz l b aid
the poor of foreign countries?"
"Yes yes yes!" they chorused.
"And it wants money?"
"Yes yes!"
"Well, now," said Johnson, as he
folded the bill in a tempting shape,
"there are twenty married worn-;,
here. If there are fifteen of you can
makeoaththatyouhave combed your
children's hair this morning, wash-, d
the dishes, blacked the cook-stove,
and made the beds, I'll donate this
$10."
"I have," answered two of the
crowed, and the rest -aid:
"Why, now, Mr. Johnson!"
"If lifteen of you can make oath
that your husbands
socks with holes in
money is your,"
ire not wear'ng
the heel;, ihis
continued the
wretch.
"Just hear him!" they exclaimed,
each one looking at the other.
"If ten of you have boys without
holes in the knees of their pants
this 'X' goes to the society!"
said Johnson.
"Such a man!" they whispered.
"If there are five pair of stockings
in this room that don't need darn
ing I'll hand over the money!" he
went on.
"Mr. Johnson," said Mrs Grahrm,
with great dignity, "the rules of this
society declare that no money shall
be contributed except by members;
and as you are not a member, I
beg that you will withdraw and
let us proceed with the routine busi
ness." Wfi.sJi iirjlon Chronicle.
- - v
Tight Fits.
Louis Jennings writes from Lon
don, June 20, to the New York W'orlrf:
Last Tuesday over 15.000 persons
were assembled at Lord's to witness
a game at cricket, the annual match
between Oxford and Cambridge, in
which Oxford came very decidedly
out at the little end of tiie horn. I
doubt whether the ladies took much
interest in the game, but theyT
must have found enough to admire
in each other's "pull-back" dresses,
which are certainly calculated to
startle the unregenerate male mind.
Some of these dresses are now pulled
back to that degree that sitting down
is them must be simply impossible.
As tho English womau is seldom
constructed on a very slight or fragile
scale, the effect of a costume which
reveals the outline of the whole figure
is calculated to considerably- astonish
weak nerves. I saw a couple of young
girls coming out of the lloyal Acad
emy to-day, and at first I really
thought that a brace of statuary had
been endowed with motion, and had
walked down from their pedestals
into the street. For the dresses were
of a light and gauzy material and the
pull-back was simply stupendous,
and but perhaps I had'nt better enter
any further into the subject, for some
people are rather particular and they
might not like it. I may go so far
as to say that the streets of London,
or the fashionable evening parties,
seldom presented more to interest
the curious eye than they do at pres
ent. I should be afraid to describe
au evening dress which I saw the
other night; you might say that my
letters had been condemned as im
proper, and that you had lost several
subscribers in consequence. If the
next change in fashion is not in a
totally different direction, artists will
not lind it necessary to go to the
st ituary in the British Museum, or
elsewhere, to study the human form
divine. -
Cause and Cure of Sick Headache.
Dr. W. Yv. Hall writes thus in the
Illustrated Christian Weekly con
cerning sick headache: This com
plaint is most liable to affect those
who have dark skin, black hair aud
eyes, and are troubled with a confin
ed condition of the system; it is
brought on usually by cold feet, too
much eating anl too little exercise;
it is often brought on by a bad cold.
It is not confined to age, sex, season
or constitution; it sometimes is in
herited, "runs in families." Tho ex
cess of bde in the liver is always the
fundamental cause of the disease.
Its prevention is as follows: Culti
vate constant cleanliness of the whole
skin from toe to crown ; sleep in well
ventilated chambers; dress so as nev
er to allow a chill to come over yon;
never allow tho feet to remain un
comfortably cold for five minutes;
spend three or four hours every day
in the open air; never allow a con
lined condition for a single devy; eat
regularly thrice a day at not less
tliun live hours' interval, not nn atom
between; avoid coffee, sweet milk,
porter, pork, fats and sugars for
these all tend to engender a billions
state of the system and confine your
eating to fruits, berries, grapes, mel
ons, coarse bread, lean meats and
vegetables.
It is a great comfort to bald-headed
men in these red-hot, star-spangled,
centennial days to reflect that
the eagle, too, is bald-headed. Style
is no-hair.
liUines Horn's in England and.
America.
There are few facts in the bnsiness
life of America which strike an Eng
lishman more forcibly than the ab
sorbing character of each man's pur
suits and the severity of tho labor to
which he subjects himself. Iu Lon
don the tradesmen can scarcely be
said to have commenced the business
of the day before 0 a. m., the only
exceptions being those Ayho minister
to the early breakfast wants of the
community. The merehint is rarely
at his otlice before 10 in the rnorning,.
and the clerks and secretaries in the
government establishments aro not
at their posts much before 11 a. m.
Tho amount of work accomplished
by the two last named classes is in
terrupted by a frequent gossiji) tho
perusal of a newspaper and a pro
longed lunch, and nearly all quit
their desks for tho day at 4 r. ar.
The American employe, on tho other
hand, is often at his ofiice at 8 a. m.,
many tradesmen open their stores at
0 or 7 a. m. . and during the long day
the attention to duty is incessant,,
only broten by half an hour allotted
to lunch. Perhaps there is too much
work done o:i one side and too little
on the other. In America we press,
into the twenty-four hours as mucli.
severe labor as the human frame can
bear; in England men do as little as-
they pf-sslbly can.
My personal experiences of tho
public elii'ces is not great, but I ac
eepi.'d a p-vdiion in the India Ofiice
for a fvw mouth during the tenancy
of the Secrc t.s ry.ship by the Duke o
Argyll, and tins is how the work wa
done: On entering upon my dutie
1 inquired at what hour I might be
expected to be present. The Assist
ant Secretary turned to the senior
clerk of the department and asked
him at what hour he usually came
"Oh," he replied, "about ten ark
easy ten say half past ten." "Good,""
I rejoined; "I will be here at half
past ten." The next day I was at
my post. Not a soul had arrived.
There is an office for the messengers,
as they are called, in each corridor,
of which there aro six in the India
Ofiice. I asked the head messenger,
an old man of sixty, when the clerks,
might be expected. "Sir," ho repli
cd, "they rarely come before eleven
o'clock, and often later." - Sure
enough, it was a quarter past eleven
before they began to drop in. To
change their coats, arrange their pa
pers and interchange matuiiLal civil
ities occupied tho time until noon.
Then the work began. Prof.Sidilous
iii tlte G(iht.c fur Awjust.
Seeing ilia Exhibition.
The different impressions brought
back from the centennial are A'ery
amusing and illustrative of human
nature. It is singular how generally
people appreciate and get good out
of the exhibition in proportion to
their mental cultivation and power
of study. The mere hnugerer for an
overwhelming succession of surprises
is almost universally disappointed.
The untutored surprise of the tropi
cal potentate, when he first beheld
ice, is a type of the indolent, but
thrilling, satisfaction which many
visitors expect to- enjoy to the full
for weeks at the centennial. Conse
qnentiy, they rush through all the
buildings, the first day, looking for
something that mind never beforo
conceived of in its crushing novelty.
They see miles of cotton cloth, car
pets, sewing-machines, "crockery'
acres of pictures, etc., but they pass
by all of these vulgar things, sinco.
they cannot lie the object they have
gone out for to see. Not finding it
in the DO miles of the main building
or in the Art hall, or in the Machin
ery building, they begin to fear that
they have been deceived, and spur
through all tho rest like death on a
pale horse, lest their foolish ideal
should quite dude them. Thochaso
closes with night, and the angry dis
appointee retires from the "field,
vows ho has "seen nothing ho
couldn't see at home," and takes the
morning train for Burgtown. His
vacant mind did not take a sufficient
interest iu anything to really observe
it and find out what it was there for.
He went it through all with a less
cultivated sense than a Newfound'
land dog would exercise. On the
other hand, to those accustomed to
study and observation, the real pleas
ure begins with a more deliberate
survey. A general survey seems al
most necessary at the outset, because
it gives one with limited time some
opportunity to discriminate in its
apportionment. Such a survey is
for almost every one oppressive
and disappointing. Every visitor
has his crude foro-inqnessions cor
rected in some points, and correction,
somehow-has a depressing effect on
the tone of the human system. With
the second day, however, and the
beginning of closer observation, this
feeling vanishes, and the exhilaration
of the pursuit is thenceforward keen
and the sense of the magnitude and
value of the exhibition cumulative.
While one can see much in a week,
and retire with a measure of satisfac
tion, it is said that each successivo
week for a lrmger period increases
the personal interest of the intelli
gent observer. Springfield Republi
can. An imposing spectacle, even for
this year, is the Dan bury woman
who has been married six times. Tho
sixth marriage occurred last week.
The evening before the auspicious
day, he was with" her, and as he de
parted, she said, "Be around
prompt to-morrow. It's a habit of
mine to have these things done on
time."
. -
"Mike, and is it yourself that can
bo after tellin' me how they make
ice-crame?" "In troth I can. Don't
they bake them in cowld ovens, to
be sure?"
O
G
O