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About Oregon City enterprise. (Oregon City, Or.) 1871-188? | View Entire Issue (May 5, 1876)
o G o o DEVOTED TO NEWS, LITERATURE, AND THE BEST INTERESTS OF OREGON. VOL. 10. OREGON CITY, OREGON, FRIDAY, MAY 5, 1876. NO. 28. o o ; " . . -. ... THE ENTERPRISE. A LOCAL NEWSPAPER FOR T UE Farmer, Bnsinesi Man, & Family Circle ISSUED EVERY FRIDAY. FRANK S. DEMENT; PBOrtlETOE AHD PUBLISHES, j OrriCIAL PAPER FOB CLACKAMAS CO. orriCK-In EXTKBPRISC Building, on riouth of Masonic Builalng. Mala St. Term "C Subscription I glBfl Copy One Year. In Advanoe $2.50 rit Months " . .1.50 Term AdvrtIIar Transient advertisements, including . U legal notice.. square of twelve lines one week .... ...- For each subsequent Insertion .00 One Column, one 40.00 O Card. 1 square, one year...... 14.00 SOCIETY NOTICES. OKKGO.V LODGK NO. 3, 1. I. O. F., Meets ev very Thursday win ; oeveninirat74 o'clock, in the Odd reiiows uau, .nam i. street. Members or the ur der aroinvited to attend. By order N. G. RCIIIX'CA.DEGREE LODGE NO. 2. I. O. O. P., Meets on the tiecond and Fourth Tues day evenmsrs each month, Fellows 1 all. Members of the Degree aro invueu to uuenu. MULTNOMAH I.ODK NO. 1, A. 1A & A. M.j Holds ita regular com munications on the First and Third Saturdays in each month, at 7 o clocK ironi uie aim oi oep. timber to the 20th of March; and 74 'clock from the 20th of March to tho 2dth of September. Brethren in good standing are invited to attend. IW order of A . M. FALLS 12SCAMPMI3XT NO. 4,1. O. O. F., Meets at Odd Fellows' q r$ Hall onthe First and Third Tues- JoX dav of each month. Patriarchs r in "good standing are invited to attend, BUSIXKSS CARDS. A. J. HOVER. M. I. J. W. NORRIS, M. I HOVKU NOTlTtlS, PHYSICIANS .VNO SMtGEOXS, VOfllce Hp-Stairs In Charman' Brick. Mtin Street. Ir. Hover's resldeneo Third street, at feet of cliff stairway. tf r n. ,t o i iint w l:lc 1 1 DENTIST, TIST, OKKICK IN' "UJLXiLJLJ OK KG ON CITY, ORKCOX. Kljheit ( ath Price Pulrt for County Oriiiri. HUELAT &. E ASTHANI, ATTORN EYS-AT-L AW- POI1TI.ANO la Opltz's new brick, 50 First street. OIlEfcJON CITY Char man's lrick, up stairs. sett24tf JOHNSOfJ & fislcCOWN ATTORNEYS AND tOLXSELORS AT-LAW. Oregon City, Oregon. yWill practice in all the Courts of the ftitata. Special attention given to cases In the U. 8. Land Office at Oregon -City. Sapri872-tf. , Xi. T. BAR1N ATTORNEY-AT-LAW, OREGON CITY, : : OREGON. VTUl practice In all the Courts of the St&te. Nov. 1, 1875, tf JTAIES 13. TJPTOIsr, Attorney-at-LaMr, o Oregon City. Not. S. 1875 Af IV. II. IIIGHFIELD. Itataltllahed since 49, nt the old stand. Main Strert, Orcgjon City, Oregon. -Q An assortment of Wathes.Jewel V7V ry.and Sth Thomas' Weight Clocks ZT A all of which are warranted to be as represented. Upairlng done on short notice, and thankful for past patronage. JOHN M. lUCON, IMPORTER ANDDEAIn im Books, Stationery, lvrfun J , ery, etc., etc. j Oregon City, Oregou. V.A.t the Post Offlce, Main stgoet, east side. TO FRUIT-GROWERS. i nrmE aldex fruit preservixo JL Company of Oregon City will pay the HIGHEST MARKET PRICE or PLVJIS, PEARS and APPLES. Mr. Thos. Charman is authorized to pur chase for the Company. L. D. C. LATOURETTE, President, rriOS. UHARMAX. Secretary. Oregon City, July 28, 1875 .-tf MILLER, MARSHALL &C0., PAY THE HIGHEST PRICE FOR WHEAT, at all times, at the Oregon City Mills, . :c And have on hand .Ai FEED and FLOUR t to sell, at market rates. Parties desiring ; t eed, must furnish saoks. novl2t.f cr CHAS. ICNIG-IIT, CANBY, OREGON, PHYSICIAN AND D R UJ GIST n,Trirtlons ailed at shor P ,Ce' Ja7 4f. 8PKAK NAE ILL. " AUTHOR USKMOWJf. Other people have their faults, And so nave ye as well ; But all ye chance to see or hear Ye have no right to tell. If've canna speak o' good, y Take care, and see and feel, " , Earth has all too much o woe. And not enough o' weal. Be careful that ye make nae strife With meddling tongue and brain. For ve will find enough to do If ye but look at name. If ye canna speak o' good. Oh I dinna speak at all; For there Is grief and woe enough On this terrestial ball. If ye should feel like picking flaws, Ye better go, 't would seem. And read the book that tells ye all About the mote and beam. Dinna lend a ready ear To gossip or to strife. Or perhaps 't will make for ye Iae funny thing of life. Oh ! dinna add to other's woe, Nor mock it with your mirth ; But give ye kindly sympathy To suffering ones of earth. CONGRESSIONAL. SENATE. Washington, April 2G. Aher the expiration of the morning hour the bill to establish an educational fund and apply a portion of the proceeds of public lands to public education and provide for the more complete endowment and snpport of national colleges for the advancement of sci entitle and industrial education was called up and Booth spoke at great length in support of the bill. Sargent submitted a resolution di recting the Secretary of the Treasury to miorm the senate how many per sons are now employed as revenue or internal revenue agents, giving the date of their respective appointments, the rate of compensation and expense Also to inform the Senate whether in any cases special rewards have been paid to or received by any of such special agents; whether any, and if so which of them, have been or are under direction of any other person than the Secretary of the Treasury and not a subordinate of the Treas ury Department, and if so, by virtue of what statute or other authority; agreed to. Mitchell introduced a bill extend ing the time for the completion of the survey and location of the Port land, Dalles and Salt Lake railroad; referred to the committee on rail roads. Adjourned. April 27. The .galleries of the Senate chamber were again crowded to-day, two thirds of the audience being ladies. At 2 p. m. the legisla tive business was suspended and the impeachment trial begun. Lord sub mitted a motion that the evidence relating to the question of jurisdic tion of the Senate sitting as a court of impeachment be given before the arguments relating thereto are heard, and if such plea is overruled, that the defendant be required to answer the articles of impeachment within two days, and the House to reply, if they deem it necessary, within two days, and that the trial proceed the next day after the joining of issue. Carpenter, of counsel for accused, moved that tho trial be postponed until the first Monday of December next, and asked that the time for the discussion of this motion be fixed at two hours for each side; request granted 18 to 1G. Blair addressed the Senate in favor of the motion. He argued that it was impossible for the Senate to do justice to the great and important question involved in this case, on ac count of the advanced stage of the session, and connsel had not time to make investigations or for perfecting themselves to argue this great ques tion again. The House was even now making investigations with a view of presenting additional articles of im peachment, and if any additional charges were to be made, counsel for the accused wanted them here. He invited the closest scrutinty into the official conduct of the accused. He referred to his life and stated he had won his way into the councils of the nation on the field of battle. An other reason why the Senate should postpone the trial was that it con nected itself directly with political parties that were almost committed to his destruction. The Senate retired at 4 o'clock to consult on the motion to postpone the impeachment trial. At 4:30 the Senators returned, and the president pro tern, announced that the motion of the counsel for the respondent for a continuance of the trial until De cember had been overruled. The Senate sitting as a court ad journed then at 4:40 and went into executive session, and after a short time the session reopened. The conference committee's report on the deficiency appropriation bill as agreed to. Mitchell called up the appropria tion bill granting the right of way through the public lands for a wagoJ road over the Blue mountains, Ore gon; passed. Sargent introduced a V;il courage and promote telegraphic communication between Asia and the 5?,fi-CJ5 i hiob referred to journed. UO U Commer Ad- HOUSE. Washington, April 26. Speaker appointed the following conference committees: On deficiency bill Wells Atkins and Hale; on consular and diplomatio appropriation bill Singleton, Randall and Waldron ' Gibson offered a resolution for the appointment of the seleot committee to make a thorough investigation into the conduct and management of the custom house and other Government offices at New Orleans and suggest necessary changes and reforms, with 555 power to sit at New Orleans and re port at the present session of Con gress; adopted. . After progressing as far as rmrp. fifty-nine, leaving only eight pages to be disposed of, the committee rose, and Wells, from the conference committee on the deficiency bill xuuue a repor tuat me Senate recede from three of its amendments and that the House concur in three other of its amendments, none of them of any importance. The report was adopted. Adjourned. April 27. Lapham introduced a resolution to authorize the President to approve or disapprove of separate clauses or provisions of a bill;, refer red. Morrison reported back the Senate amendment to the House bill to de fine the tax on fermented or malt liquors. The amendment, as amend ed, is to add a proviso that nothing in the act shall change the present rules of law respecting evidence in any prosecution or suit. The amend ment was concurred in. The conference report on the bill excluding Missouri from the provis ions of the act of May 10th, 1872, to promote the development of mining resources, adds the following clause: and all lands in said State shall be subject to disposal as agricultural lands. The report was agreed to. The committee on postoffices brought up the question of fast mails. Foster, of Ohio, charged that it is going back to the old slgge coach system. " , Randall declared the recommenda tions of the committee were fully approved by the Postmaster General, and that the mail service was not to be in the slightest degree diminished. The amendment was adopted rais ing the salary of the commissioner of agriculture to 3,000 and more close; ly confining his duties. j The committee then reported bill to the House. Adjourned. Characteristic Anecdotes of Ma: caulav. In "The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay," by his nephew, G. O. lrevelyan, M. P.,-the author tells us that Macaulay s outward man was never better described than in two sentences of Praed's introduction to Knight's Quarterly Magazine: "There came up a short manly figure, marvelously upright, with a bad neck-cloth and one hand in his waistcoat. Of regular beauty he had little to boast; but in faces where! there is an expression of great power or of great good humor, or of both,' you do not regret its absense." "This picture, Mr. lrevelyan adds, "in which every touch is correct, tells all that there is to be told. He had a massive head and features, of a powerful and rugged cast, but so constantly lighted ud by every joyful ennobling emotion that it mattered. little if, when absolutelv quiescent, his face was rather homely than hand some. V bile conversing at the table no one thought him otherwise than good looking, but when he rose he was seen to be short and stout in figure." "At Holland House the other day," writes his sister Mar garet, in September, 1831, "Tom met Lady Layandhurst for the first time. She said to liira, 'Mr Macaulay, you are so different to what I expected. I thought you were dark and thin, but you are fair, ' and really, Mr. Macaulay, - you are fat. " He at all times sat and stood straight, full and square, and in this respect Woolner, in the fine statue at Cambridge, has missed what was undoubtedly the most marked fact in his appearance. He dressed bad ly, but not cheaply. His clothes, though ill put on, were good, and his wardrobe was always enormously overstocked. Later in life he indulg ed himself in an apparently inex haustible succession of handsome embroidered waistcoats, which he used to regard with much com placency. He was unhandy to a de gree quite unexampled in the ex perience of all who knew him. When in the open air he wore perfectly new kid gloves, into the fingers of which he never succeeded in inserting his more than half way. After he had sailed for India there were found in his chamber between fifty and sixty strops, hacked into stripes and splin ters, and razors without beginning or end. About the same period he hurt his hand, and was induced to send for a barber. After the opera tion he asked what was to pay. "Oh, Sir," 6aid the man, "whatever you usually give the person who shaves you." "In that case," said Macau lay, "I should give you a great gash on each cheek." Macaulay, we are further told by his biographer, "was utterly destitute of bodily accom plishments, and he viewed his de ficiencies with supreme indifference. He could neither swim nor row, nor skate, nor shoot. He seldom cross ed a saddle, and never willingly. When in attendance at Windsor as a Cabinet Minister, he was informed that a horse was at his disposal, 'If Her Majesty wishes to see me ride,' he said, ,she must order out an ele- Ehant.' " The only exercisejin which e can be said to haeve excelled was that of treading crowded streets with his eyes fixed upon a book. He might be seen in such thoroughfares as Oxford streets and Cheapside walking as fast as other people walk ed, and reading a great deal faster than anybody else could read. As a pedestrian he was indeed above the average. Till he had passed fifty he thought nothing of going on foot from Albany to Clapham, and from Clapham on to Greenwioh, and while still in the prime of life he wa forever on his feet Indoors as well as out. Civility doesn't cost as much as half a pint of peanuts, and yet some people prefer investing in reanuts- Mrs Myra Clarke Gaines. Hovr R Brave Woman Has Spent Her . Life In FlifUtlug For Justice. Washington Cor. of N. Y. Graphic Mrs. Gaines, the plucky little clai- ment of a large slice of valuable crround in the heart of the city 01 New Orleans is one of , the notable personages of the congressional sea- son in mis city, ana iuauj uo teeu, almost any fair day, flitting along the . corridors of tho capitol or through the hall-ways of Willard's hotel with the elastic step of a girl of 16. For nearly a half-century the indefatigable lady has. been be fore the public as a litigant, and her extended experience in courts - and , among lawyers, as well as all the prominent men of the day since the administration of Andrew Jackson, has enriched her mindwith a fund of information in the way of person al reminiscences, incidents, and anecdotes of tho career of men who have long since passed away. She was on terms of friendship with Clay, Webster, Calhoun, and Benton, and mingled in the old-time society of Washington city. She has been fighting this "great moral battle," as she calls it, for 41 years, and now, on the ascending scale beyond 60 years, she says that she expects ultimate success, "al though it be gained over a pathway strew with the bleaching bones cf many lawyers." Judge Paseftal and Jermiah Black are her lawyers at present, and through their efforts a decision has been recently obtain ed in the supreme court of tho Unit ed States, taking the .pase from the state courts of Louisiana, which from locel influences are unfriendly to her cause, to the United States cir cuit courts. The whole amount in volved will reach to from 5,000,000 to 20,000,000, and if she finally suc ceeds in gaining possession of this princely sum of money fo uso her own language, she will do the most good." She relates with much gusto a lit tle incideat that occurred at a presi detal reception, some years ago, which she attended under the escort of an English gentleman. Lord Lyons was present on the occasion, and her English friend proposed an introduction, and to that end asked her to advance toward his lordship for the purpose. Tho little lady drew herself up in offended dignity, and promptly replied: "Sir, Ameri can ladies never advance for an in troduction," and so the matter end-; ed. A few evenings afterwards she met Lord Lyons at a reception at Secretary Seward's, when he was presented in due from, and at the game time informed of the grave mistake made by his countryman. She is perfectly at home in politics, law, and religion, and believes that Gen. Bristow is the coming tenant of the White House. Mrs. Gaines has a short, delicato figure, which is always arrayed in a neat-fitting black silk walkiug-dress. A jaunty hat with white waving plume ustially adorns her well-shaped head, which is crowned with a wealth of auburn hair worn in frizzes round in front. Her features are small and delicate, and her complexion retains a smoothness and freshness rarely found in advanced age. Her eyes arc dark and lustrous, and twinkle with good humor in chatty conver sation." She has a peculiar laugh, which, when once heard, can never be forgotten. Altogether she is a remarkable woman, full of push, en ergy and vitality, and few of her sex could have battled so long in the face of almost insurmountable diffi culties, and it is evident there is no such word as fail in her vocabulary. Fidelity or A Switchman. The Berlin (Prussia) Volksblatt says: A switch-tender had just taken his place to change the track in order to turn a train which was in sight, so as to prevent a collusion with another train from an opposite direction. At this critical moment, on turning his head, he discovered his little boy playing on the track of the advanc ing engine. Ho might spring to the rescue and remove him safely, but then he would not have time to turn the switch, and hundreds of lives might be lost by his neglect. In an instant his resolution was taken. "Lie down!" he shouted to his boy, and the child happily accustomed to obedience, promptly threw himself on the ground and the whole train thundered overhim, tho passengers little dreaming how much their safe ty had cost that father. The tremb ling man rushed forward fearing to find only a mangled corpse, but no words can express his joy at see ing his child alive and unharmed. The next day the Emperor, having heard of the circumstance, sent for the man and presented him with a medal of honor for hi3 bravery. Mind YocrP's. Persons who pat ronige papers 6hould pay promptly, for the peculiar prospects of the press have a peculiar power in pushing forward public prosperity. If the printer is paid promptly, and his pocket-book kept plethoric by prompt paying patrons, he puts his pen to the paper in peace, his paragraphs are more pointed, ho paints his pic tures of passing events in more pleas ant colors, and the perusal of his paper is of more pleasure to his peo ple. Paste this piece of proverbial philosophy in some place where all persons can perceive it. An Irishman noticing a woman pass along, espied two stripes do pending from under the lady's cloak. Not knowing that these were styled sashes, and in tho right place, he exclaimed: "Faith, ma'am, yer gal luses are untied!" The home circle walking around with the baby all night. COURTESY OF BANCROFT LIBRARY, Buttenvick's Gas Meter. During one of the few cold . snaps that we have had this winter, says Max Adeler,- the gas meter in Mr. Butterwick'8 house was frozen. Mr. -Butterwick attempted to thaw it out by pouring hot water over it, but after spending an hour upon the : ef fort he emerged from the contest with his feet and trousers wet, his hair full of dust and cobwebs, : and his temper at fever heat: After, studying how he could get rid of the ice in the meter he concluded, to use force for the purpose, and- bo seizing a hot poker he jammed it through a vent hole and stirred i it around inside of tho meter with a considerable amount of vigor. He felt the ice give away and he heard the wheels buzz around with rather mora vehemence than usual. Then he went to sleep. Ho noticed for three or four days that the internal machinery of that meter seemed to bo rattling around in a remarkable, manner. It could bo heard all over the house. But ho was pleased to find it was working again in spito of tho cold weather, and he retained his serenity. About to weeks afterward his gas bill came. It accused him of burning,, during the . quarter, 1,500,000 feet of gas, and it called on him to settle to tho extent of nearly 350,000. Before Mr. Butterwick's hair had time to descend after the first shock he put ou his hat and went down to the gas office. . He ad dressed one of tho clerks; "How much gas did you make at the Blank Works last quarter!" "I dunno; about a million feet, I reckon." "Well, you've charged me in my bill for burning half a million moro than you made, and I want you to correct it." "Less see the bill. Hm m m this is all right. It's taken oft' cf tho meter. That's what tho meter says." "Sposo'n it dose; I couldn't have, burned more'n you made," "Can't help that. The meter can't lie." "Well, but how do you account for tho difference!" ; "Dunno, 'Taint our business to go nosing and poking around after scientific truth. We depend on the meter. If that says you burned six million feet, why you must have burned it, even if we never made a foot of gas out at the works." "To tell the henest truth," said Butterwick, "that meter was frozen, and I stirred it up with a poker and set it on whizzing around. "Price just the same," said tho clerk. "We charge for pokers just like we do for gas." 'You ain't actually going to have tho audieity to ask me to pay 350, 000 on account of that poker." "If it was 700,000 I'd take it with a calmness that would supprise you. Pay up or I'll turn off your gas." j "Turn it off and bo hanged," ex claimed Butterwick, as ho emerged from tho office, tearing his bill to fragments. Then ho went home, and grasping that too lavish poker, he approached tho meter. It had registered another half million feet since tho bill was made out. It was running up a score of a hundred feet a minute. In a month Butterwick would have owed the gas company more than the United States Govern ment owes its creditors. So he beat the meter into a shapeless mass," toss ed it into the street and turned off the gas inside the cellar. lie is now sitting up at niprht writing an essay on "Grinding Mo nopolies" by the light of a kerosene lamp. o Making Shobt Work of It. In the town of Hopkinson, Mass., lived a certain Deacon Small. In his ad vanced age he had the misfortune to lose the rib of his youth. After do ing penance by wearing a weed on his hat a full year, he was recom mended to a Widow Hooper, living in an adjoining town. The deacon was socm astride of his old brown mare, and on arriving at the widow's door he discovered her in the act of turning the suds from her wash-tubs. Said the deacon: "Is this Widow Hooper?" . "Yes, sir," was the reply. "Well," said the deacon, that little bit of a dried up "I am Deacon Small, and have ono question to pro pose to yon." "Please propose, sir." "Well, madam," said the deacon, "have you any objection to going to Heaven by way of Hopkinson?" - "None at all, deacon," was the re ply. "Come in, deacon." Suffice it to say they were mar ried the next day. Fate of a Heeo. Collin Graves, the milk-man hero of the last year's dam disaster in Massachusetts, did not figure in the recent one. An in quiry has brought out tho sad fact that ho died of grief, poverty and neglect some time ago. It seems that after the Mill River catastrophe, when he rode down the valley and warned the inhabitants that the dam was breaking, people asked them selves what he could have been do ing at the reservoir, and then stop ped buying his milk. The milk business was ruined, he had nothing else to do, and not many months af ter he died in destitute circumstan ces. Think twico before you allow yourself to become a hero. --Chicago Times. Mr. Vick says in his Floral Guide that ten drops of carbolic acuV-to be obtained from any of our druggists, put in a pint of water, and poured on the earth in flower-pots, will de stroy all earth worms, which do so much damage to tho plants. A trial will satisfy all of its beneficial effects. r Characteristics of the Rothschilds. Gossiping, about' the Rothschilds and the methods by which their enormous wealth has leen acquired, a correspondent says they aro firm believers in luck. They will have nothing to do with unlucky men or enterprise, if they think they, are such. If an agent makes a failure of any of their schemes he is ininjidiate ly discharged, even if. ho is not di rectly, responsible for the failure. They prefer their own race for assist ants, and in most of their offices the Hebrew element predominates. They have always been devoted to their theological , faith,, and strict in. ob serving all the laws of the sj-nagogif e', believing that much of their good fortune has come from unswerving fidelity to Judaism. . They endow 1 schools, hospitals and alms-houses ! for their faith, and ever renew an ardent attachment to the ancient form of worship. Save at rare intevals, they irtermarry, and are likely to while they hold together. Nathan conceived tho idea-of perpetuating tho name and power of the house by such consanguineous connections, common from early times with He brew families, and the union of blood relatives has been for years a common practice in tho family. The great house now exists in the persons of some twelve of the family, descend ants of Mayer Anslem Rothschild. They are united as of old in their lives and fortunes, and are men with rare genius ia pecuniary planning, and for bearing the largest and most difficult enterprises to successful is sues. Their blood has flown in kin dred channels generation after gen eration. The mere passion for grrin has doubtless long since ceased to impel them, for many years ago their wealth had swelled beyond accurate reckoning, but the gratification of power probably urges them now to increase their capital by all means of traffic. They consort with the great est families of Europe, and have the hereditary title of Baron. Despite their hundreds of millions, they aro still very willing to add to them, for the love of domination is strong. . . J. Wilkes liooth's I'irst Attempt to Assassinate Mv. JLiiicoln. A Tribune a Washington correspon dent says: An interestingincident whicli has never been printed has last transpired: On the day when Lincoln was inaugurated the second time in 1S05, just at the east portico: a man, recognized by several persons to be John Wilkes Booth, pushed hurriedly through the passage lead ing from the Senate chamber to the rotunda, and in an excited determin ed manner broke through the line of policemen, which kept the crowd back from tho procession, and made a desperate effort to reach the eastern door of the Capitol. He was discovr ered by a member of the capitol po lice who seized the excited stranger, and after a severe struggle succeeded in forcing him back into the crowd. Booth had already been noticed by at least two persons who knew him,! and saw him pass hurriedly from the direction of the Senate chamber to ward the rotunda, and some idea of his determination to reach the inau gural may be formed from the fact that he broke away from the man who first seized him, and but for the closing of the side door would prob ably have accomplished his purpose, whatever it was. Those who stop ped Booth, and who, in all probabil ity, preserved tho President's life, were not aware who the excited stran ger was, but the importance of their action can hardly be overestimated. The man who stopped Booth is nam ed Westfall, and was made commis sioner of public buildings and grounds, and was recently discharged by the House. A lawyer interrogating a rough witness in a San Francisco court said: "Do you believe in the existence of God?' "I don't know," was the re ply. "Do vou admit the divinity of Christ?" "No-o," was the hesitating response; "I don't know nothing about Christ." "Do you mean to say," said the lawyer, seriously, "that you never heard of Jesus Christ?" "Wal," said the witness, "the fac' is, pard, that I jest cum up from Lower Californy, and I hain't had no chance to meet any of the people in these parts." m -9- A story comes to us to the effect that two farmers of this county re cently formed a partnership for the purpose of collecting a number of cows and manufacturing butter and cheese. Having purchased a good cow of a neighbor, A goes over to bring it home; but as the cow had no horns to which he might fasten a rope, he traded it, with a young calf, for a dry cow with horns. B said he didn't know where the butter and cheese were coming from, and so "threw up the sponge." A Portsmouth, N. H., young man who was inconsiderate enough to "come in," after he had escorted a girl home from prayer meeting the other Sunday evening, was obliged to stop to famil3r prayers, which came on very soon, but when the pious householder prayed that "the young man who, for tho time being, is one of our number, may be directed to ward his Father's house," ho took his hat and left without ceremony. Speaking of an old China sale in Europe the other day where a pair of vases were sold for 38,000, the St. Louis Republican says: "This Rale was not held in a lunatic asylum, but in a land where men, women and children drop dead every day in the year of starvation." i It is said that oranges will improve j a young lady's complexion. Let the I juice ran down over your chin. 11 V jjfffpppft All Sorts. : ; Modesty is a guard to virtue.' The warmest kind of a Iiat ono that's got stove in. . To ' what depth does a man fall. when ho falls asleep ?: Colfax wouldn't lecture in Dulutll for 15 and a serenade, Some Californians -will feel lone some over that. law punishing. wife- beaters.. - t . . .- Lotta's new house in California! hasn't a closet in it. - She isn't like other women. , ..-:.-; Somebody says' TVndall" calls" fcis wife Molliecule. We suppose she calls him a-Tom. Why is a store that. don't advertise- like Enoch Arden? Because it "sees no sale from day to day. ' "What's going on?" said a well- known bore to Douglas Jerrold. "L am," was the reply,. and on he went.. Mrs. Benton, the handsome female- lobbyist at Washington, says that a winx is better than a kick with most Senators.. Colored barbers are an institution of great antiquity. Hamlet refers to a party who was "a. nigger and a-nig.-ping hair." It is said that every young.lady riding in the cars through the Mt. Cen is- tnnnel gets ready to be kissed, in the dark. The truth about Don Carlos is oat. He is going to be worth 8,000,000-. just as soon as he draws in the Ha-" vana lottery.. Sticks have opened the mouth of the Mississippi River. That's what they mean when they say they will tako a stick in it. A young lady refused to go into the Woolrich Arsenal because she heard that some of the muskets wero without breeches.. A very clever woman has said", "I do not wish anybody to do anything naughty, but if they do, I want ta know all about itu" A friend modestly asks why is the country in winter time like the Black Crook ? ' Because there aro so many bare limbs to be seen.. They have a curious-way joking in China. A mandarin cuts a fellow's head off simply to see how his widow will "take on" about it. In Milwaukee the cast-off stockings of fashionable ladies are used by 0 coal-heavers for carrying coal up stairs half bushel at a load. Said Jones to Brown one afternoon, "Malaria comes with wife; " The fever lasts but one short moon. The ague runs through life." . , A woman cannot love a man she feels to be her inferior; love without veneration and enthusiasm is only friendship. Madame Dudexant Any man who fays he is "too poor to take a newspaper" should, be in dicted by the grand jury for obtain ing a family under false pretenses. A crocus stuek its head up ia ita little bed one morning and exclaimed to its neighbors: "You lilac every thing if you say this ain't spring. Tho following message and reply was sent and received at a Waterbury (Conn.) telegraph office: "I am dy ing." "When you die let me know. A recent marriage notice ends'with the singular expression, probably added by a waggish friend: "May their future troubles be little ones." "Cheek is the thing to win in this world!" exclaimed Deacon Dodridge. "Yes, if the cheek is dimpled and rosy," responded his handsome daughter. When a lovely Philadelphia girl was introduced to a stranger she said she was an orphan. When he squoze her hand she added, "an orphan with Q four big brothers." Musical bees are now tho rage in London, where prizes are awarded for reading pianoforte and vocal music at sight, and also for skill in interpreting classical works. Junior out driving with a pretty girl on a windy day. P. t. looks up archly, and remarks: "My face is very cold, isn't yours?" and blushes sweetly at finding it the contrary. . A St. Louis woman says it is no worse to encircle a lady's waist with your arm in a ball room than to hug your friend's sister on the back stairs. No worse? Why, it is not as goodl : The latest article out for fastening up ladies' stockings has a clasp, on which appear two surpents' heads, with little ruby eyes. Sort of "gar ter snakes," you know. The eyes can't see. The New York Sun knows of a general in the army who hasn't been clear of debt for thirty-seven years. ' An Oregon City butcher says he knows of lots of men who would make good generals. "Hold me close, and don't take long steps, dear" the reporter over heard a sweet femenine voice address a tall young fellow, last night, as two forms came carefully down the steps on their way to the theatre, and he wondered if that fellow would caro if tho weather never got any better. Banting is outdone. Some one has discovered that sea-weed is a cure for obesity, and now we may expect fat people to take to blancmange. Dr. Griffith, of Delaware, asserts that0 tho weed has the effect to reduce tha adipose tissue with remarkable rapid ity, and without interference with health. o Q O 9 I e 0 o o o o o o o o o o o - O o o o o o o o o 0 o o o J