Oregon City enterprise., April 02, 1875, Image 1

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DEVOTED TO POLITICS, NEWS, LITERATURE, AND THE BEST INTERESTS OF OREGON.
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VQL"9.
OREGON CITY, OKEGON, FRIDAY; APRIL 2V 1875.
NO. 23.
(mImt! , i$ ffi If? it ipi" ;
THE ENTERPRISE.
X LOCAL DEMOCRATIC NEWSPAPER
v o; R T n K :
fuair, luii4 Xib. Family cirdc'
: 1MUSD -YBRT FRIDAY. .
a.. isrox.Tisr-BR,-';
D I TOR AND PUBLISHER.
OTFICIAL PAPEBOK CLACKAMAS CO.
.nrriCF-In Ektkkpbiss: Building, one
of WomcGuildinS. Manx fet.
Trm f Subscription:
'-,.-( Co,r One Year, Jn Advance $2.50
SixMonttas " " 1-5Q
Ttrmo )f Advertising:
Tr.Dil-nt advertisements, including
"uesal not ices, iuare ol twelve o
h n ftriP WOCR......M
4 - . . . . .'-
for each suWiiwun""-
4 n Col u i u n , oil c J ear - - - (J
Hif e :
guB;I. Card. 1 sarme year 12.0
Kir each subseunt insemou...........
(.00
:.oo
SOCIETY NOTICES.
UKEUOX LOlifiE NO. 3, '
MeU everyl Thursday
renin' t 7' oYlock, in the -3srb
Odd Fellows' llall. Mam yni'
treet. Membois of the Or
lr are- invited tv attend. 1-v
KKHKCCA IionKIiWli N.
3, I. O. O. F., vlts on the y.
Sacoud and FlVth 'Lues-
dav evenings f Vi month,
t7'i Vlo..-k, Itne una
Fllov.- lUll.cmbcrsOl thu Degree
ce invited to i.,.-nd.
xurrx)MAii i.oi)(;i: no. i,a.i
t A. M.. Holds its regular com
manications on the First and SX
Tnird S itnrdavs in each niontli,
at 7 o'clock from tho -"nth of Sep.
tmber to the -Dth of Marcli ; and. T$
'clock from the 'JOth of March to the
20th of S-;pteinlcr. lircthren in good
MUiidin.; are invited to attend.
Jtjr wrdor of M.
r I.LS ICNCAHl'MUVr X0.4.I.O.
V.. Meets at Odd Fellows' (O 0
IT 11 onth First JtndThirdTiics- JOCl
dv of i-ji-h month. Patriarchs 3r
Ih o 1 atan-iins are invited to attend.
ci.iKi- i:ncamimi:n t no. c.
Ill C. M 1 at Odd l-VlloA-s' Hall, in Ore
rou City. Oruu, on Monday evening, at
7H o'clock. Members of tha orl'.T an: ui
Tltd to attnrl. M. C. ATHKl , O.
"J. M. B tcoH, It. S.
iua271y
11 U S I X li S X OA It I) 8.
I'UVSJCIW A NO SUKGKOX,
o it ita x ci r r, o H H (j o x.
S-tXUe lTj-Staif la t'harnian'K Hrick,
Vim Street. aulUl.
s ;
V. W. HO UE LAND,
ATTORN Y-AT-L AW;
URRGO.N ClT-f OKliGON.
OKKIC b-M.tln Street, opposite tlie
Caart IIu.
ATTORN E Y-AT.-LAW:
flfSEGON CITY, - - OREGON,
t laaroFFlCK Charman'sbriek, Main si.
.. omarl67-:t f.
JOHNSON & McCOWN
IXD COUNSELORS AT-LAW.
R -Orogon Cityr Oregon.
vy-Will practice ijn all tho Courts of tho
(tie
U. . I .and Ottlc at Oregon City.
5apil372-tf.
Jj. T. BARIN
. ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
fyliEGON CITin : : OREGON.
'OFFICE Over rLI's Tin Stor, Main
tr--t. 21mar73-tf.
i
Dr. S. F VRKER,
T ATK OK POUTLAMO, OFFERS HIS
.1 A serxiofs r t'hysician and purf?pon to
the rope f Clackamas county, who may
at any tim-j bo in no i of a physician. Ho
haopvri(Hl an office it Ward A llardin's
I'ruir Store whore he can be found at all
timo (f the lay when not enjratied in pro-
-iMnai calls, liosi.ience, Main direct,
exi dior tut one above R. Caufield's store.
rto'Krit, 1S7J. tf
JOHN 3lAlJAC0X,
f I M POUTER ANDALER 1JH
In I..vks, Stationery, eri'um- tHr
ry. te., t ie. JLj$LkJr
Orfjfon CI , , Orvgon.
V f
f"At Chartnan & Warner's old stand,
ately occupied by S. Akeman. Main st.
" 1 " '
OREGQM CITYl BREWERY.
J Henry llumbel,
ed th nhni-i. n.v... M
noV-ho" to inform t'ie pTiblic that he is
now prepared to manufacture a Xo. 1 qual-
I- AG li R II H li R,
n can l oftined anywhere In
CUM riers solicited and promptly
i OYSTER SALOON
I A v n
i "V
US T A URAMT!
LOUIS SAAL, Projyrietor.
I"1 st-eet, - - - - Oregon City.
O121 V'11' T5E SERVED FROM
ad l'w"11" date during the Winter
V best qualifies of
"KXCII nd AMERICAN CANDIES.
J for k.ue in quantities to suit.
gam,
1 T) - , t l.- - I I ' 1. " . .
a uruicacuidutc ami muuipiuu oi Amer
ican Art Tastcl ,
Prospectus for l&lb-Eighth Year.
THE All)IVE,
TUB ART JOl'RXAIi OP 1MEBICA,
Issued Monthly,
"A Magnificent Conception, Wonderfullr
carried out."
The necessity of a popular medium for
the representation of the productions of
our great artists, has always been recog
nized, and many attempts have been
made to meet the want. The successive
failures which so Invariable followed each
attempt in this country to establish an
art Journal, did not prove the indifference
of the American people to the claims at
high art. So soon as a proper appreciation
of tho want and an ability to meet it were
shown, the public at once ralied with en
thusiasm to its support, and the result was
a great artistic and commercial triumph
TIIEALDIXE.
THEALDIXE, while issued with all the
regularity, has noue of the temporary or
timely interest characteristic of ordinary
periodicals. It is an elegant miscellany of
pure, litcht, and graceful literature ; and a
collection of pictures, the rarest specimens
of artistic skill, in black and white. Al
though each succeeding number alfords a
fresh pleasure tohts friends, the real value
and beauty of The AHlint will be most ap
preciated after it is bound up at the close
of the year. While other publications
may claim superior cheapness, as compar
ed with rivals of a similar class.TTie Atdine
is an unique and original conception
alone and unapproached absolutely with
out competition in price or character. The
jHissessor of a complete volume could not
duplicate the quantity of fine paper and
engravings in any other shape or number
of volumes for ten times its cost ; and then
thTe is the chromo besides!
lPililriTII FOR 1875.
Every subscriber for 1875 will receive a
beautiful portrait, in oil colors, of the same
noble dog whose picture in a former issue
attracted so much attentisn.
" Mini's Unselfish Friend"
will be welcome in every homo. Every-
uou loves such a uog, and the portrait is
executed so true to the life, that it seems
the veritable presence of tho animal itself.
The .Rev. T. Ie Wit Talmage tells that his
own New Poiindland dog (the finest in
Rrooklyn) barks at it! and though so nat
ural, no one who sees this premium chro
tm will have the slightest fear of being
bitten.
Resides the chromo, every advance sub
scriler to The Akline for liifo is constituted
a member, and entitled to all the privil
eges of
THE ALDIME ART UNION.
The Union owns tho orisrinals of all the
Ahtine pictures, which, wit h other paint
ings and engravings, are to be distributed
among the members. To cverv series ol
5,'KW subscribers, 100 different pieces, valu
ed at over $-2,hw), are to be distributed as
soon as the series is full, and the awards
of each series as made, nre to bo published
in the ii"H succeeding issue oT The Aulinc.
This feature applies only to subscribers
who pay for one year in advance. Full
particulars in circular sent on application
enclosing a stamp.
TERMS.
Our Subscription. eittitlinr to THE
ALUIMIonu year, the Chromo
it it it tlie Art Viiioii,
SO per Annum, ia Advance.
(No charge for postage.)
Specimen copies of TIIK ALUIXE, Sue.
CANVASSERS WANTED.
Any person wishing to act iermanently
as a local canvasser will receive full and
promt information by applying to
THE ALDIXE COMPANY,
WM.VIDRX LAXU, XEW YOUjj.
D
R
Y
n
gLOTHIN g
I now offer this stock of Goods
at Prices far below any other
house in the State.
Times are imrd and money
scarce and I will give every one
the worth of their money.
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1 also keep a full assortment
A
oi
OREGON CITY MADE
Men mid Hoys
CItliinr,
liiilfrnci r,
Flannels,
HliinkelH,
And Varns.
AI-SO
Grooerlea.
Cutlery,
J?velry,
Notions,
Musical
InntramenU,
Toy.
Etc,
AT TIIK
Lowest Prices
JTox- C-SHL
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S
H
O
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.AT..
A.LEVTS.
octlGtf
OREGON STEAMSHIP CO.'S
STEAMBOAT NOTICE!
Sir. E. 1ST. COOKE,
Will leave OREGON CITY for PORTLAND
cverv day Except Sunday, at 74 o'clock,
A. M. Returning, will leave Portland for
Oregon City at 2)4 o'clock, P. M.
Str. ALICE,
Will leave OREGON CITY for COR VALLTS
every Monday and Thursday of each week.
Str.DAYTON,
Will leave OREGON CITY for McMINN
VI LEE. LAFAYETTE and 1aYTOX, and
all points between, every Monday, Wed
nesday and Friday of each week. Leaves
the Rasin at 8 o'clock, A. M., and connect
with tho train at Canemah at 9, A. m.
Sti. ALBANY,
Leaves OREGON CITY for IIARRISRURG
and EUGENE and all intermediate points
every week.
Sti Eaimio Pattern,
Leaves OREGON CITY for ALU ANY and
all intermediate points between twico ev
ery week. J. D. RILES, Agent,
Oregon City.February, 141. 871.
DR. JOHN WELCH
DENTIST,
OFFICE IN
OREGON CITY, OREGON.
HiffHest Cash Price Paid for County
Ordwrs.
FORSALE.
THE UXDERSIOXEP OFFERS HIS
premises, in Oswego, for sale at a bar
gain, for cash. There is a fine dwelling
and out buildings, orchard and about three
acres of land. Finely situated for a board
ing house for the hands employed in the
Ironworks. J. w, tAj r.
Oswego, Sept. 10, 1S71. -w
THOMAS CH ARM AH
ESTABLISHED
DESIRES TO INFORM THE CITIZENS
of Oregon City and of the Willamette
Valley, that he is still on hand and doing
business on the old motto, that - ; i
; -. , - v
A XimbU Six Pence is Setter than a Slow
Shilling.
I have Just returned from San Francisco,
where I purchased one of tho
LARGEST AND BEST SELECTED
STOCK OF GOODS
ever before offered in this city ; and consists
in part, as follows :
Boots and Shoes,
Clothing, Dry Goods,
Hats and Caps,
Hosiery of Every Description,
Hardware, Groceries,
Taints and Oils,
Sash and Doors,
Chinaware, Queenswaro,
Stoneware, Crockery,
Platedware, Glassware,
Jewelry of Various Qualities
And Styles, Clocks and
Watches, Ladies and
Gents Furnishing
Patent Medicines, Goods, Fancy No-
Rope, Faming t ions of Every
Implements of Description
All Kinds, Carpets,
Mattings, Oil
Cloth, Wall Taper, etc.
Of tho above list, I can say my stock is the
MOST COMPLETE
ever ofTered in this market, and was seleted
with especial care for the Oregon City trade.
All of which I now offer for sale, at tho
Lowest Market Rates.
No use for the ladies, or any one else, to
think of going to Portland to buy goods for
I am Dctermineil to Sell Vheuu and not to
allow myself to be
UNDERSOLD IN TIIE STATE OF OREGON.
All I ask is a fair chance and quick pay
ments, believing as I do that
Twenty Years Experience
in Oregon City enables me to know the re
quirements of the trade. Come one and all
and see for yourselves that the old stand of
THOMAS CIIAHMAN
cannot bo beaten In quality or price. It
would be useless for me to tell you all the
advantages I can offer you in the sale of
goods, as every store that advertises does
that, and probably you have been disap
pointed. All I wisb to say is
Come, and See,and Examine for Yourselves
for I do no wish to make any mistakes.
My object Is to tell all my old friends now
that I am still alive, and desirous to sell
goods cheap, for cash, or upon such terms
as agreed upon. Thanking all for the liber
al patronage heretofore bestowed.
THUS. CHARMAN,
Main Street, Oregon City,
Legal Tenders and County Scrip taken at
market rates. T1IOS. CHARMAN.
8C?"jO,000 lbs wool wanted bv
T1IOS. CHARMAN.
FALL 1S7-1
Is your time to buy goods at low prices.
ACKERMAII BROTHERS
are now receiving a large stock of
FALL & WINTER GOODS,
all of the Latest Styles, which will sell
AT LESS THAN PORTLAND PRICES.
Our stock has been bought for cash, and
we win sen it at a small advanco above
SAN FRANCISCO COST.
"T TE WILL SAY TO EVERYBODY RE
T V fore you purchase or go to Portland,
come and price our goods and convince
yourself that we do what we say. Our stock
consists In part of
Fancy and Staple
Dry Goods, Clothing,
Hats, Boots and Shoos,
Ladies and Gents
Furnishing Goods,
Notions, Grocer-
ies, Hard
ware and a great many other articles too numer
ours to mention ;
ALSO
DOORS, WINDOWS,
PAINTS AND OILS,
ETC. i ETC.
We will also pay the Highest Market
Price for
Country Produce.
' . ACKERMAN BROS.
Oregon City, Sept II, 1S7! f
DREAMIXCf OF ME.
Mv love she lay in slumber Hht,;
i Though mom was in the sky,
And so I dropped tho curtain , white,
And took a seat near by. " . r
"She dreams of me, my darling wlfo,"
I cried as o'er her face
Dimples and smiles alternately.
In merry play gave chaso.
I watched her quivering eyelids move,
So like a lily s cup,
Till, starting lrom her trance of love,
My darlini; one woke up, - i t , ;
"Oh; such a dream I've" had," cried she.
'Of anjjels?'' qecried I.
"Hotter than that; more dear to mc
Than angel ministry 1"
"Dreaming of me" my vain heart cried,
"Of me her all in all,"! .
But soon the bright illusion died,
And heart had such a fall4 ;
"I thought a fairy came," she said,
"And spread defore my eyes
Such lovely satins, silks and shawls,
As tilled mo with surprise.
"And as for jewels, why, my dear,
FJaeh bright and dazzling gem
That shone so beautiful, might graco "
A monarch's diadem.
"And all were mine." In saddened tone
I stopped her utterance free ;
"And so, my darling, when you slept
You had no dream of me2"
She threw her arms alxnit my neck,
Allot her own sweet will
"Yes, precious one, I'm sure I had ;
I dreamed you paid the bill !"
Daniel in the Hands of a Friend.
Nantucket people enjoy a reputa
tion for smartness, and even Daniel
Webster found his match there. Tho
story, as told by Mr. Webster him
self, is as follows: " . i;
Tho court held a term on the
Island periodically. There was not
much litigation; but the suits were
heavy, relating to ships, whale fishing
and oil. The judges and lawyers
usually went over from the continent
and spent a week or ten days, and
finished tho business of the session.
Ono day one of tho Friends of the
Island called at my oflice; in Boston
and said:
"Friend Daniel, what wilt thou ask
to come down to Nantucket and pload
a case before the judges ?"
"I will go for a thousand dollars."
"That is too much, Friend Dan
iel." "But I will have to go down Sat
urday, and perhaps remain the whole
week following. I would as soon ar
gue the whole dockpt."
"Well, Friend Daniel, if thee will
argue such cases-- at I shall present
to thee before my case is called, I
will give theo a thousand dollars,"
and so the bargain was struck. .
My client went to Nantucket and
found his case at tho foot of the
docket. lie went from man to man
and saw all who had any case on the
docket, and said:
"What will theo give if I'll get tho
great Daniel Webster to plead thy
case ?"
He took retainers from a dozen
men. Some gave him a hundred dol
lars, and some five hundred dollars.
He had grace enough to give mo the
thousand dollars as agreed, and paid
my expenses into the bargain. I ar
gued tho docket right through, for
plain tiff or defendent, until I reached
my clients case. He struck the bal
ance and admitted as the steamer left
the wharf, that ho had got his case
argued and pocketed fifteen hundred
dollars.
A Slight Mistake.
The following anecdote, which is
said to have appeared in tho news
papers many years ago, is said to
have been founded on an actual bo
currenco. Although it may not
illustrate the Democratic simplicity
of the people of Vermont to-day, it is
nevertheless a good story, and good
for many years longer lifo in tho
newspapers:
"Hallo, you man with pail and
frock, can you inform mo whether
His Honor the Governor of Vermont
lives here?" said a British officer, as
as ho brought his fiery horse to a
stand in front of Governor Chitten
den's dwelling.
" Ho docs," was tho response of
the man, still wending his way to
tho pig-sty.
" Is his honor at home?" continued
the man of spurs.
" Most certainly," replied frock.
" Take my horse by the bit, then,"
said the officer. "I havo business
to transact with your master."
Withont a second bidding, tho
man did as requested, and the officer
alighted and made his way to tho
door, and gave tho panncl several
hearty raps with the butt of his whip
for bo it known that in those days
of Kepublican simplicity, knockers
and bells, like servants, were in but
little use. Tho good dame answered
the summons in person; and, having
seated tho officer and ascertained his
desire to see the Governor, departed
to inform her husband of tho guest's
arrival; but, on ascertaining that tho
officer had made a hitching-post of
her husband, she immediately in
formed him that her husband was
engaged in the yard, and could not
very well wait upon him and his
horse at the same time. The predic
ament of tho officer can bo better
imagined than described.
Mrs. Col. Schenebly, of Washing
ton county, Md., celebrated tho 102d
anniversary of her birthday on Mon
day of last week. Sho is still enjoy
ing excellent health, and bids fair to
live several years yet. Hagerstovcn
Mail. ' .
Don't dun your creditors through
the post-office with a' postal . card
An Ohio court has decided that it' is
libelous, as it tends to tho injury of
a man's business reputation; It
must not be dun. F.:$-Ji to: -;
Louisiana as it is.
Under tho above heading the New
York World publishes a full and au
thontio acoount, from its own cor
respondent, of jut Low affairs have
stood during the past year, in the
muoh abused State of Lonisian.
Bead what it says: '' ;
; During tho year 1874, 70 murder
ers from the city of New.-; Orleans
were committed for trial to the par
ish prison. Of this number GO were
Radicals, and of those 28 were color
ed. Out of 70 a large majority, say
over 50, were convicted- some for
murder, the others for manslaughter.
Of thoso convicted of murder, Kel-.
logg pardoned 13 because they be
longed to the lladical party, and of
those convicted of manslaughter he
pardoned 6 for the same reason.
In addition to the above, the rec
ord shows that Kellogg has issued
the' following pardons during the
year 1S74. In every instance the
culprit pardoned was a negro: .,
Rape ............. . ... 4
Arson 1
Robbery .'. ... 4
Ferjury. . ....... 3
Sodomy 1
Assault 1
Assault and battery. 3
Poisiner 1
Shooting into a dwelling. ......
Bribing witnesses
Crime not stated
Assault with intent to rape
Burglary 3
Larceny : . ... .......... 27
Receiving stolen goods. 4
Assault with intent to kill 2
Embezzlement : 1
Entering with intent to steal. ... 1
Misdemeanor in office (pardoned
"and re-appointed) ........ 2
Total ... Go
Add murderers pardoned . . 19
Grand total
...... 84
I should have mentioned that one
of the men convicted of murder in
the first degree and pardoned by
Kellogg, was shortly after his re
lease appointed to a position on a
police force, and was one of the po
licemen who stopped the committee
of Congressmen as they were about
to enter the f ,'ate House.
I made a novel assertion and am
prepared to provb it, that not a sin
gle prominent Radical has ever been
killed in Louisiana; and taking all
the conflicts from 18GG to date, not
over ten white Radicals exclusive of
the police killed on the 14th of Sep
tember, have been killed. While on
the other, hand a large number of
respectable white citizens havo been
assassinated, and though in many
instances the assassins were known
and pointed out, they went unwhip
ped of justice because of their con
nection with the Radical State Gov
ernment. In 1S72, tho three Greens,
of Lincoln parish, father and sons,
who now hold office under Kellogg,
viz, State. Senator, parish judge and
parish tax collector, waylaycd and
killed a white man because he ac
tively opposed them in politics. This
matter was notorious at the time and
the Greens boasted of the deed, yet
they were not even arrested, much
less tried.
Stephen D. Winters, one of the
most respectablo and talented law
yers of Louisiana, was teaching his
little boy his letters. Some one
knocked at tho window and called
him to tho door. Mr. Winters had
scarcely placed his foot on the gal
lery when he received a load of buck
shot in his - heart. He died beforo
his wife could run to where ho foil.
A man by the name of Webster, now
a Senator in tho Kellogg legislature,
did tho deed. Ho never suffered ar
rest, though his connection with tho
brutal murder was known to every
one. .
Auguste Choppin was shot by ne
groes on Burnside's plantation be
causo he refused to lend them nioney.
Alfred Buchanan was murdered, hor
ribly mutilated, and his wife out
raged by a gang of negroes, who
were known, but never arrested.
These are instances from my memo
ry. They are personal acquaintances.
I have not consulted a record if,
indeed, any has been kept of such
cases. But if a singlo individual can
number so many personal acquain
tances killed, because they were
Democrats, how many havo suffered
the same fate: It is a fact well au
thenticated, notwithstanding Gen.
Sheridan's lying dispatch to tho con
trary, that where ono white Radical
has been killed in that State ten
Democrats havo been found dead.
Mrs. .Partington and De. Bolus.
" Disease is very various," said Mrs.
Partington, as she returned from the
street-door in conversation with Dr.
Bolus: " The doctor tells mo that
poor old Mrs. Haro has got two
buckles on her lungs! It is dreadful
to think of, I declare. ' Tho disease
is so various! Ono day wo hear of
people's dying of hermitago of the
lungs; another day, of tho brown
creatures; hero they tell us of tho
elementary canal being out of order,
and then about tonsors of the throat;
hero we hear of neuralogy in the
head, there of embargo; on ono side
of us we hear of men beinc killed by
gettirg a pound of tough beef in the
sarcophagus, and another kills him
self by discovering his jocular vein.
Things change so that I declare I
don't know how to subscribe for any
disease nowadays. New names and
new nostrils take the place of the old,
and I might as well throw my old
herb-bag away." Fifteen minutes
afterward Isaac had the herb-bag for
a target, and broke three squares of
glass in the cellar window in trying
to hit it beforo tho old lady knew
what he was about. She didn't
Lmean exactly what she said.
He "was not Drunk And He
Knew when He saw big Feet.
Yesterday afternoon a man dressed
in good clothes, with an eye-glass
and gold-mounted eane, and posses
sing altogether a clerical appearance,'
hailed a passing street-car. There
was nothing unusual or particularly
noticeable in this except tho air of
lofty dignity with which ho com
manded a halt, and the " desperate
effort which ho had made to main
tain his center of gravity as ho pass
ed to the car," and to conceal tho fact
that he was slightly inebriated. Ar
riving at the door he solmnly raised
his right foot to enter, but not rais
ing it quite high enough he - fell
headlong to the floor of tho car.
Raising himself up with some difli
culty he cast a severely-reproving
look at tho old gentleman sitting
near the door, and said:
" Sir, what d'you lift up this car
for just as I was to get in?"
"My dear sir, I didn't lift the
car," meekly replied the old gentle
man. .
Casting as steady a gazo on the
old gentleman as he could under the
circumstances, he replied: '
" Well, perhaps you didn t. I
won't 'tempt to argue with a man in
your condition. My amiable friend,
it's my calm and -deliberate 'pinion
that you've been looking upon the
wine when it is red. Very sorry to
see it in a man of your age. What
d'you suppose your mother would
say if she should see you intossicat
ed? Mr. Friend, I've wept many bit
ter tears over such cases as yours.
Yes," continued he in a faltering
voice, and pulling out his handker
chief, "and I'm d d if I ain't
weeping now, as you'll readily ob
serve." Whereupon ho wiped his eyes with
a grand flourish, blew his nose and
navigated to the other end of the
car.
When he reached his destination
he pulled the bell-strap and started
for the door. When he got about
half way, and just as he was in front
of a lady, he tripped and fell at full
lenght on the floor. Rising himself
to a perpendicular, and, in a tone of
mingled severity and whisky, said:
"Madame, you've certainly got
the biggest feet I ever saw in my
life."
" Sir!" said the lady indignantly.
"Oh, don't apologise, madame; I
beg you not 'pologise. You're not
to blame for it. But if you could
just pare em down a little twould
be a great 'commodation to tho trav
eling public.
The lady was speechless with in
dignation, the jmssengers were con
vulsed and the gentleman stalked
majestically to the dOtor-, stepped to
the ground and immediately satdowru
As the car moved away he arose, ex
amined his clothes, looked xip and
down the street, waved his hand in
an uncertain way, and stalked away.
Detroit Nevrs.
Sorry He Wasn't There.
I have referred in my book to that
coroner of ours who seized the Egyp
tian mummy that was brought into
town, summoned a jury, held an in
quest on the mummy, brought in a
verdict of "Death from causc&i un
known," and charged the county
with tho usual fee, with compound
interest from ,tho time of Moses.
Well, tho coroner is still in office,
and is still enthusiastic over his pro
fession. Last Sunday night he was
at church. Tho minister preached a
very solemn sermon upon Noah's
flood, and after it was ovor I met tho
coroner in tho aisle and said to him:
"Very imppessivo discourse, Mr.
Whoelor, wasn't it."
"Beautiful, sir, boautiful," replied
Mr. Wheeler, "and yot it seomed to
bo kinder mournf ul, too."
"Indeed! Why it didn't strike mo
in that way. It was solemn of courso;
but its tendency certainly is to fill
tho heart of every truly good man
with cheerfulness and hope."
"Oh, I know all that," said Wheel
er, "but didn't ho say thero wero sev
eral million of icoplo drowned in
that flood?" .
"I believe he did."
"Well, then, I say that when I
think of all that mortality, and re
member that I wasn't a coroner then,
and ain't likely to bo when thero is
another such a freshet, it makes mo
sick. Thero ain't nothing cheerful
about such reflections. I feel as if I
hadn't been treated right; as if I'd
been robbed." Max Adelcr.
How is this for Pedigeee ? A
very searching investigation was car
ried on a few years ago, in tho North
of England, by two families who
were searching up their respective
ancestry.
Tho strife was great between them;
each one determined to look into an
tiquity further than tho other.
Ono of tho families, whoso namo
was Spencer, employed an artist to
paint a historic sceno representing
tho building of the ark, and tho load
ing up of tho ship by Noah and his
sons with its multifarious and vari
ous cargo.
On the gang-plank leading Up to
tho deck of tho ark, two men were
seen rolling up a largo box, on ono
sido of which was printed in large
letters, ' Relics, insignia and papers
belonging to tho Spencer family."
This was considered a coup d'etat
hard to beat, but the other family
determined not to be outdone in the
antediluvian pretenses of their name,
prepared at great cost and research
a record of their antiquity.
In describing tho exploits of one
of their ancestors, at a very early
day, who. was represented as a man
of some . authority . this remarkable
passage occurs: .
" During this year Adam and Eve
were driven out of Paradise.
'Unscrupulous Yrctches.
From the San Francisco Examiner.
Tho Radicals of Alabama aro in a
minority in the Legislature of that
State, and they are well aware that
at tho next canvass their numbers
will bo further diminished if the
people aro permitted to hold a fair
election. To prevent an honest ex
pression of popular opinion, these
miscreants met in secret caucus, on
February 23d, and sent a memorial
to Spencer, their representative in
the Federal Senate', whose term will
expire in 1879; and who is deeply in
terested in the success of their
schemes, that tho negro voters wero
practically deprived of representa
tion, and they therefore asked Con
gress to empower the President to
suspend the writ of habeas corpus in
certain contingencies. The contents
of that document were sent forward
by telegraph, through the Associated
Press, so as to fire the northern heart
and to assist the Administration in
passing its pet measure, the Force
Bill. Fortunately that bill failed
to become a law. The Democratic
members of tho Legislature obtained
a copy of the original paper - and
brought it up for consideration in
the State Senate on March Cth. Ono
of the Radical Senators. Mr. Harris.
of Rnssel county, rose to a question
of privilege and declared that it was
an infamous falsehood that he ever
signed such a paper, or that ho was
ever consulted about doing so. Ho
further stated that the signature of
his name thereto was a forgery; that
he had earnestly supported many of
the so-called grievances. He wanted
the world to know that the memorial
was blackened with untruths which
he did not hesitate to denounce as
such.
Other disclosures wero made as to
how the signatures of members were
obtained. Five negro Senators stat
ed that they were duped into signing
their names to the paper, some be- -
lievmg that they were recommend
ing one Arthur Bingham for an office,
and others believing that it was a
protest against the election of ono
Parsons. The excuses given by tho
parties present a sad showing for the
intelligence of the Radical members
of the Alabama Senate. The falsity
of the accusations made against the
Conservatives will be thoroughly ex
posed. Senator Moore offered reso
lutions which imply that if that gen
tleman had power he would ade
quately punish the signers of the
memorial. He said he arraigned the
members who signed the memorial
as being guilty of a premeditated
and diabolical attempt to stab tho
reputation of the State of Alabama,
through its representatives. He be
lieved that no punishment could be
too great to be imposed upon theso
willful perverters of the truth; they
should bo marched to the entrance
door of the Senate, and told the Sen
ate Chamber was no place for liars
and slanderers.
That Mule.
Thrilling mule story by the Louis
ville Courier--Journal: A bad littlo
boy in Portland lit a pack of shoot
ing crackers and threw them into
the street to see them "rrn ntT " Onn
of Mr. Batman's mules camo along,
and swallowed them before they
went oil. The mnio wnlL-WI nlmnt
fifteen feet and stopped. Things
wasn t acting right inside. Ho be
gan to taste tho smoke of tho fire
crackers. He laid his left ear around
against his ribs, and heard some
thing. It was them crackers having
fun. Tho mule picked out about
threo and a half miles nf Rfrnindit.
road and started. A negro met him
about a milo the other sido of tho
almshouse, going south, white with
persniration . with sfmnms rf omi-
shooting out of his nostrils, mouth
ana ears, wmie his tail stuck straight
UP. Ike found his rnnln nnn morn
ing, sticking half way through a
larm uousc near l'aaay s liun, still
smoking. Tho man had got his fam
ily out, and put 'em uj into a lot of
trees. Iko hauled his mulo home,
when ho got cool enough, on a dray.
The man is going to niove his houso
further back off tho road, and his
wife and oldest daughter will bo
baptised when the water gets warm.
A Willing Witness. A patent
medicine vender who was dilating to
a largo crowd upon the wonderful
efficacy of his iron bitters, pronounc
ed them all-potent in building up an
"iron constitution."
"That is so," said a bystander.
" What he tells you is a faqt, gentle
men, every word of it."
" Hear that, will you?" cried tho
delighted quack; "here isaman who
hasused the bitters, and can recom
mondthem." :
" No, not exactly that," replied tho
old fellow; " I havo never used tho
stuff myself, but, you see, my friend
Jenkins did, and they jest saved his
life.' Yon seo, Jenkins had been
taken tho bitters jest ono week before
ho was shoved in prison for some
thing. Ho was stripped of every
thing in the shape of iron about him,
and yet he made a bar and worked
his way out. Ho had taken this
man's iron bitters, d'ye mind. And
what does Jenkins do but open a vein
in his arm, and took iron enough out
of his blood to mako a crowbar, and
pried tho gates open with it and let
himself out."
The vender set his dog at him. .
-
Cool. The Denver JVetrs records
this incident: A man was about dy
ing in that city, and an acquaintance
sent the following dispatch to his
wife, who was in Chicago: " Your
husband 13 dying. ' Come quick."
Sho coolly replied: " Can't go ; now.
If he dies, hand liim over to tho
Masons; he's one of . them." - Tho
man died. The woman has not been
heard from since.
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