Oregon City enterprise., January 02, 1874, Image 1

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VOL. 8,
OREGON CITY, OREGON, FRIDAY, JANUARY 2, 1874.
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n TUT. 1MLCRIM.
cThe way U d;irk, my Father, cloud on
cloud . , , , .
Is fathering quickly o cr my head ;
raiiil lolld
Tlie thunders roll above me. See, I
stand
Like one lewildered, Father, take my
hand
Ami through the gloom
Lead safely home
Thy child.
The flay goes fast, my Father ! and the
night
Is drawing darkly down. My faithless
sight
.Sees ghostly visions. Fear, a spectral
baud,
KneoniMnsii me. O, Father, take my
hand,
And from the night,
Lead up to light
Thy clnld.
The way is long, 1113 Fatlier! and my
soul
Longs for the rest and quiet of the goal ;
While yet I journey through this weary
land.
Keep me from wandering. Father,
take imv hand,
fjiiekly find straight
Lead to Heaven's gate
Thy child.
The path is rough, my Father I many
atlloru
Has pierced me; and my weary feet,
all torn
And Needing, mark the way. Yet thjr
command
Hi. Is me press forward. Father, take
my hand
Then safe and blest
Lead up to rest
Thy child.
The tlirong is great, my Father ! many
a douht
And fear and danger com pass mealmut.
And foes oppress me sore. I cannot
stand
Or go alone. O, Father ! take nu
llum!, And through the throng
Lead s:i t'e along
Thy child.
The eross is heavy. Father ! I have
!orne
So long, and still do bear it. Let mv
vorn
And fainting spirit rise to that better
land
Where crownsire given. Father, take
my hand.
And reaching down,
Lead to the crown
ThychilJ.
The wnv is dark, m v child ; but leads to
light;
I would not have thee always walk by
sight ;
My dealings, now, thou can'st not 1111
dersta nd :
I meant it s.: but T will take thy hand
0 And through the gloom
Load snl'cl v home
My child.
The dayges fast, my child; but is the
nig'ht
1 arkcr to me than day ? In me is light ;
Keep close to me and cverv spectral
baud
Of fears shall vanish! 1 will take Un
hand And through the night
L"ad 110 to light
My child. "
The way is long, my child ; but it shall
in'
N -t one steplonger than i.s best for thee ;
An I ttioii shall know at lat, when t'n.u
shall stand
Close to the gate, how I did take thy
hand.
And quick and straight
Lead to Heaven's gate
G My chil l.
The path is rough, my child; but oh,
how sweet
Will the rest for wearv pilgrim's
feet,
When thou shalt reach the borders of
1I1 at land
To w hich 1 lead thee, as I take thy hand
And safe and blest
With me shall rest
Mv child.
I'crnaiulo Wood.
The llepubliean journals are cho
rusing that Mr. Fernando Wood vot
ed for Hie back-pay grab. lie did
not. lie was not i" Washington
when the bill came up for action,
having been obliged W visit New
York a week earlier to receive a new
visitor in his family. We have Mr.
Wood's authority for saying that he
had been able to be -present in the
House he should have voted against
that measure.
In fact that Mr. Wood is the oldest
member in point of service and entry
into Congress of all the men of either
partv in either House, not even cx
rpntlnf Alexander H. Stevens: the
fact that amid the jobbing and plun
dering, the briberies and the venali
ties which have marked the era of
Republican ascendancy and smirched
the. name of everv Republican leader
in the House, of many a Senator ,anl
of two Vice-Presidents, Mr. Wood's
record in Congress is fair and clean
as his ability is unquestionable
these are facts which may account to
the journals that helped- elect liim
Mayor of New York for the compli
mentary vote for Speaker, which he
received at the hands of the Demo
cratic minority, many of whom have
passed so many sessions in his com-
pmv.
We hope, Mr. Wood has signalized
his return to Washington bv return
ing his baek-pav which is more than
we hope oi President Grant or Sena-
tr Conklirig. We hope he will nev
er again commit such an error as his
vote to put tea and coffee on the free
list, and we expect of him a square
vote for the repeal of the salar--grab
law, for these things the Democratic
party demands of every Representa
tive. Rut if in any or all of these
things Mr. Wood shall fall below the
level of what we judge to be his
plain and bounden duty, we shal
still have naught but contempt for
the canting pretentions humbugs in
the Republican press, who denounce
a man whose Congressional integrity
has never by any one been challenge!
while yet they worship their great
salary-grabber Grant, swear by the
venal ice-President W llson, and
follow humbly their party's leaders
in C ongress, every man of them with
v.. M. blistered into his forehead
Rnd his price written down in the
pocket-books of all the dirty lobby
lst ia Washington. Xec York
Hor..
Dowell Finds a Live Corpse.
HOW HE TRIES TO GET $5,000.
An affidavit has been filed in the
3rd Auditor's Office, Treasury De
partment, Washington, D. C, by
Thomas J. O'Neal, of the conntv of
Fresno, California, which states that
he is the owner of a certain claim
against the United States for the use
of a pack train in the Orgon Indian
War of 1835-50; that the amount due
is about five thousand dollars; that
or on about the 20th day of Novem
ber, 1871, 13. F. Dowell, of Jackson
ville, Oregon, fraudulently rep
resented the deponent to be
dead, and applied to the Probate
Court of Jackson county, Oregon,
for letters of administration to issue
to him, the said Dowell, upon the
said deponent's estate; further false
ly representing that the said depon
ent had left assets in Oregon amount
ing to the sum of $8o 75. That upon
said false representations, made In
said B. F. Dowell, the Probate Court
of Jackson county, upon filing of a
bond in the sum of $200, issued to
the said Dowell letters of adminis
tration upon the said deponent's
estate. That the said deponent is
informed and verily believes that the
said Dowell further affirmed before
the said Probate Court and addressed
persons outside of said Court that
the said deponent had died in Cali
fornia in the year 1800; that he, the
said Dowell, petitioned said court for
letters of administration at the re
quest of said deponent's fat her, whom
the said Dowell alleged that he had
seen at Sacramento, California; all of
which allegations, representations
and affirmations: 1st, that the said
deponent died in California in ISO'.;
2d, that he left assets in the State of
Oregon amounting to the sum t.f
j?S."75; and Hd, that he, the said
Dowell, petitioned the said court for
letters to issue to him at the request
of deponents father, are wholly and
utterly false in every particular, were
made by the said Dowell, as the de
ponent verily believes, for the sole
purpose and intent to get possessi m
by means of letters of administrati ui
of the said sum of 5?., )! 0 duo said
deponent from the United States as
.aforesaid, and thereby defrauding
said deponent in said sum. Tha
the father of said deponent died in
the State of Kentucky in 1S50. That
the said Dowell took no action as ad
ministrator with regard to the pre
tended assets of $85 73, but he did
attempt to collect from the United
States the said sum of live thousand
dollars. That the deponent came to
the knwoledge of the said Dowcll's
action in these premises only upon
learning of said claim.
That the said deponent has never
employed the said 13. F. Dowell as an
attorney, nor in any capacity what
ever. That the said deponent makes
this affidavit believing that the Treas
ury Department of the United States
lesires to know the character of those
whom it permits to m ike collections
and to act as agents in the prosecu
tion of claims before it.
(Signed), Tnos. J. OXeal.
Subscribed and sworn to this 2Sth
lay of October, 1S75
BOOKER, J. 1'.
Sixth Towship, Fresno county,
State of California.
Accompanying is also a copy of
etters of
administration granted
Dowell bv Probate Court.
An Opinion ot Williams.
One of the worst features of Grant's
Administration of the Presidential
office is his appointment of his rela
tives and personal adherents to im
portant offices siud without regard to
their fitness for the positions. He
has made a conspicuous appointment
of this kind m naming Attorney
General Williams, a third-rate law
ver, for Chief Justice of the Supreme
Court of the United States. In
speaking of his appointment, the
Cincinnati Loin inert nil says: We
desire to speak of this nomination in
terms of moderation, becoming its
seriousness, but we are bound to say
that it is stupid and disgraceful. It
should be scornfully rejected by the
Senate. Williams owes his success
to persistent toadving to the Piesi
dent, to Ross Shepherd's Improve
ment Ring, and to petty social mffu
onces. Williams is one of the rapidly
enriched men of the District a man
of no capacity as a statesman, and of
little reputation as a lawyer.
There is not a Jnstice on the
bench of the Supreme Court who
would not have adorned the chair of
the Chief Justice, as compared with
the flabby pomposity and shoddy
glitter of "the lamentable Williams.
The country is shamed by the ap
pointment of this man, who has never
rendered a public service either con
spicnous or memorable. There is no
act of his life, no merit as a lawyer,
no fame as a pleader, no reputation
as a jurist, no force of character or
strength ofmind.no record, no hopes,
to warrant or excuse this preposter
ous appointment of which we can
onby say at last, that it is eminently
characteristic of President Grant.
San Jose ( Cal.J Argus.
" Some years ago," said Old Hunt
" I took a bed-bug to an iron foundry
and had it run into the skillet. "W ell,
my old woman used that skillet pret
ty- steady for the last six years, am"
here the other day she broke it all to
smash, and what do you think, gen
tlemen, that ere insect had just
walked out of his hole where he
been laying like a frog in a rock,
and made tracks for his old roost up
stairs! Rut, by George, gentlemen,
he looked mighty pale.
' The woman who niade a pound o
butter from the cream of a joke, and
a cheese from the milk of human
kindness, has since washed the close of
the year, and hung them to ary on
the equinoctial line.
Twenty Years hi Bed.
A MICHIGAN' MAX WHO ".SWORE OFF
1RINKIXG AND KEIT HIS WOKD
A VEKY QTEER OLD MAX.
From the Detroit Free Press.
At the last mating of the Pioneer
Society J. S. TiVTbitts read the follow
ng sketch, giving the incidents in
the life of a Michigan man, who,
although in perfect health, kept his
bed for nearly twenty years. Samuel
Dunn came to Michigan in 18:32, and
settled in the township of Plymouth,
ayne county, three miles west of
the village of Plymouth, where he
resided until his death, which occur
red in the month of May, 187J. He
was born in the year 1702, and was
therefore eighty-one years of age at
the time of Ids death. He served in
the war of 1812, was honorably dis
charged, and a pension was granted
him by the General Government
aooui a year oeiore ins ileath, not a
cent of which, however, did he or
iny of his family receive.
xothixg vei:y rxrsrAii IX HIS LIFE
occurred during the first twenty
years of his residence here. He was
man of intemperate habits and
nearly every week would go to the
village and have a spree. At such
times he was very noisy, but not
inarrelsonie. The writer of this
sketch has frequently heard him call
out at the dead hour of night for
some one to "come and block the
wheel" while he was ascending a
steep hill on his way home. On go
ing out .Mr. J .Mi n n would be lound
midway up the hill, stamping and
treading like a horse, calling1 out
oudlv for some one to "come and
block the wheel." After making two
or three attempts to ascend the hill
le woulit. back flown to the foot of it
md take another start. After two or
three ellbrts of this kind he would
finally reach the top, when lie would
want to "bet two-and-six that he
ould yell louder and jump higher
than any other man in that commun
ity." HE IIA1 IX HIS WOODS
a verv large hollow tree, and here he
was in the habit of going when he
i ad his sprees, and hold what he
ailed his "camp meetings." At
such times the woods would resound
witli his devotions, which were char-
.icterized more for zeal than for icty.
Alter an "unusual awakening in
this hollow tree one dav, he went to
the house. took down the bottle from
the shelf, took a "horn," and then
made a solemn vow that he would
never touch another drop of ardent
spirits while he lived, or utter anoth
er oath. And lie religiously kept
lis vow, for he iinmediatly went to
bed and lay there fur
xrxr:xivi;x yeai:s and xixn months.
During all this long time he was
never known to have his clothes on
r to walk a step. At first, for a
number of years. he was verv taciturn,
md wouM not converse witli any one,
xnd whenever persons approached
lis bed he would turn his head away
rom them. During the latter period
if his life he would converse with
members of the family sufficiently to
make his wants known, which were
few and easily supplied.
He seemingly enioved the Oe.st oi
health during all this time,
NKVKR TOOK AXY MEDICINE
but oivo, and then only some simple
remedy. His appetite was good, and
he ate two hearty meals a day, break
fast and dinner, but no supper. He
preferred hearty food, and relished
pork, potatoes and greens, baked
beans and meat. He drank tea and
collee regularly, but nothing strong-
r. He slept soundly for ten to
twelve hours out of the twenty four.
NEVER BUT OXCE
lid he express a wish to have his
clothes on ami go out. One day the
family were all absent except a little
grandson, lie expressed a wish to
his little boy that he might have his
clothes on and go down to the hollow
tree where he held his last devotions;
but the little fellow could not find
his pants, and so an opportunity was
lost of testing his ability to walk.
HIS 3IEMOKY WAS REM AIIKARLE,
and his intellect remained unimpair
ed to the last. He manifested some
interest in passing events, and would
occasionally ask information respect
ing them. Hearing the clatter of a
mowing machine one day, he was
very anxious to know what it was.
He had never heard a word about
such a machine, so he got his daughter-in-law
to piU him in a chair and
wheel him to the door so he could
see it work.
HIS FOOD.
was carried to him, placed on a stand
near his bed, and then he was left to
himself, as he would never partake
of his food while any one was pres
ent. After a short time the food
would be gone and he would
be found snugly in bed. He
never missed his two meals a day
until just before he died, and he could
not be persuaded to eat a third. His
daughter-in-law took the sole care of
hiinVluring the last sixteen years of
his life, shaving him, washing hini
and preparing his food
lor mm a
rare instance, indeed,
of filial affec-
tioa and devotion.
NO DISEASE ATTACKED HIM
to terminate his mortal career. He
simply lived on, the lamp of life
rowing dimmer and dimmer, until
finally it went out altogether. He
was not verv much emaciated, but
retained to the last his usual bodily
proportions, which were always ei
spare. He was twice married, and
survived his last consort some twelve
or fifteen years.
History probably does not furnish
a parallel instance of one whose early
life was so full of stiring, exciting
scenes, and whose after life was such
an utter void and blank.
Fry's Farewell to His Vlfe The
Last Words of a Man Condemned
to Death and W illinjr to Die.
New Orleans Times, Dec. 1.
The pages of the original letter
bore the impress of the tears shed by
the heroic writer. It was the last
communication ever made to the
world by this gallant and true Amer
ican, and the blended expression of
affection, of religious hope, of dig
nified resignation with which it
teems, will cause its words to be re
membered so long as virtue and cour
age are honored among men. It may
be well to state that the letter neces
sarily omits all reflections on the
Spanish Government, but lefore his
death Fry gave utterance very forci
bly to his opinions on that subject,
his silence only coming with his
death. The allusions to family mat
ters are, of course, not reproduced
herein below :
THE LAST LETTER.
Ox Board Spanish Max-of- i
War, Nov. G, 1873. f
Dear, Dear Dita : When I left
you I had no idea that we should
never meet again in this world, but
it seems strange to me that I should
to-night, and on Annie's birthday, be
calmly seated, on a beautiful moon
light night, in a most beautiful bay
in Cuba, to take my last leave of you
my own dear, sweet wife, and with
the thought of your bitter anguish,
my only regret at leaving.
I have been tried to-day, and the
president of the court-martial asked
the favor of embracing me at parting,
and clasped me to his heart. I have
shaken hands with each of my
judges, and the secretary of the court
an. I the interpreter, have promised
me, as a special favor, to attend my
execut-ion, which will, I am told, be
in a very few hours after my sentence
is passed. I am told that my death
will be painless; in short, I have had
a very cheerful and pleasant chat in
regard to my funeral, which will take
place onlv a few hours from now.
Tt is curious to see how I make
friends. Poor Bambetta pronounced
me a gentleman, and he was the brav
est and brightest creature 1 ever
have seen.
The priest who gave me commu
nion on board this morning, put a
double scapular about my neck, and
a medal, which lie intends to wear
himself. A young Spanish officer
brought me a bright new silk badge
with the Blessed Virgin stamped up
on it, to wear (for him), at my exe
cution, and a handsome cross the
handiwork of some fnir lady. These
are to be kept as relics of me. He
embraced me affectionately in my
room, with tears in his eves.
Dear sweetheart, von will bo able
to bear it for my sake, for I will be.
witli you if God permits it. Although
I know mv hours are short and few.
I am not sad. I feel I shall always
be with you right soon, dear Dita.
and yon will not be afraid of me.
Pray for me, and I will pray
for you. " There is to be a
fearful sacrifice of life from the Vir-
ginius, and, as I think, a needless
one, as the poor people are nncon
scions of crime, and even of their
fate up to now. I hope God will for
give if 1 am to blame for it.
If vou write to President Grunt, he
will probably order my pay. due
when I resigned, paid to you after
my death. People will be
kinder to 3-011 now, dearDita, at least,
I hope so. Do not dread ileath when
it conies to you; it will be as God's
angel of rest remember this.
I hope my children will forget ray
harshness, and remember only my
love and anxietv for them. May thev
practice regularly their religion, and
pray for me alwa's. Tell
that the last act of my life will
be a public profession of mv faith
and hope in Him, of whom we need
not be ashamed and it is not honest
to withhold that public acknowledge
ment from anv false modesty or tim
idity. May God bless and save us
all.
Sweet, dear, dear Dita, we will
soon meet again. Till then, adieu for
the last time.
Your devoted husband,
Joseph Fry.
Coxsolidatiox. After stating the
position of Postmaster General C res-
well in relation to Postal Savings
Banks, the Pittsburg Commercial con
tinues :
"The serious objection to the plan"
is, that while strong governments, as
the monarchies of Europe, for ex
ample, may enter upon the task of
taking out of the people's hands the
management of their own business
and managing it for them as a fath
er, for his children, it is no part of
the true province of a republican
form of government, which recogni
zes the right of the people to control
their own affairs. It was one of the
proverbs of a philosopher of the
past, that power is always stealing
from the many to the few. Our gov
ernment is already strong enough
To give it more strength and power
is to weaken ourselves, and pave the
way to an eventual surrender to gov
ernment of all popular rights and
privileges. If the I'ostomce is en
trusted with the savings of the na
tion, it may as well also be entrusted
with the monopoly of carrying tele
graph messages. And as railroads
are indispensible to the prompt car
rying of the mails, the control of all
the railroads in the country might as
well also be granted to it. Ihe Oov
ernment would, in this way. soon
drift into the task of doing every
thing for the people, instead of leav
ing the people to attend to their own
work."
A religious paper, after growling
at printer's blunders, says: "It is as
much as the life of a paragraph is
worth to travel from New York to
Chicago."
COURTESY OF BANCROFT LIBRARY,
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA,
Itlghts of Pupils in Public Sellouts.
An interesting cause has latep
been tried in Illinois to test the right
of Trustees of public schools to en-
orce a uniform course of stndv for
nil pupils. The case, as reported,
resents the following facts: Miss
.'ost was a member of the iunior
class in the High School Durand
township, Winnebago countv, for
wiiicti class book-keeping was a pre
scribed study. The mother of Miss
Post objected to her daughter study
ing book-keeping under the plea that
her health would not admit of it.
For this refusal, alleged as an act of
disobedience, the young lady was
expelled the school, and it was aver
red in the testimony that force was
used in putting her out. After this
proceeding the step-father of Miss
Post applied to the school directors
for her re-instatcment, but thev re
fused except on the condition that
she should study book-keeping. The
parents were persistent in their refus-
il, and thev then sought redress in
the courts. A verdict was rendered
for the plaintiff" under the direction
of the Judge, the teacher for the tres
pass committed in the -act of expul
sion being mulcted in fcloo damages.
The Judge held that although it is
the duty of the School Boards to
make reasonable regulations for the
conduct of public schools, and to
prescribe a certain course of study,
parents and guardians have the fight
to select from the studies prescribed
the special ones thev desire their
wards or children to pursue. An in
timation was, however, made bv the
Judge that no study could be reject
ed from mere whim or perversity , but
only 011 fair anil reasonable grounds.
Judge also laid down the law that
the refusal of a pupil, under direc
tion of parents to pursue a certain
study, does not warraut expulsion.
Bouiiit Joukxalism. A writer in a
Cincinnati paper gives a queer story
about a former reporter for a promi
nent journal in that city, whose
name was Bennett. When news was
scarce Bennett was in the habit of in
venting extraordinary items for his
department, a favorite resource be
ing frequently to make children fall
from the landing of the Newport fer
ryboat into the river, and to have
them rescued by some of his ac
quaintances. He had honored one
Mr. Ivellum several time's 111 tins
v.a.'. At last the fictitious saver of
drowning innocents, becoming tired
of the-joke, called on the reporter
and demanded that, it should not be
repeated. He was assured that his
request would be complied with, and
so it was to the letter. I lie next day
Bennett came out with a paragraph
to the effect that a beautiful little
girl, the daughter of a prominent
citizen of Newport, had fallen from
the ferryboat into the river, and that
Mr. Kellum, who was standing by,
and could have easily saved the little
girl, refused to render the least as
sistance. When Kellum, boiling
with rage, went to Bennett to seek an
explanation of what he now looked
upon as a persecution, his threats of
vengeance were suddenly stopped by
Bennett's taking off his coat, and
coolly saying : "You are not a bad
fellow in your way, Kellum, but I
can't stand any interference in my
business. If I make a statement in
the paper you must not come round
here contradicting it. That isn't
journalism, you see, and it must be
put a stop to at any juice. jveiinm
subsided, and the two men remained
friends until Bennett's death.
The Domestic Growler. Look at
him ! he is a curiosity. He was very
jollv but an hour ago, as he sat in
his office talking to Jenks, with his
chair tilted back, the toes of his boots
resting against the mantel-piece, his
mouth extended into a loud guffaw,
in reply to one of Jenks' yarns, you
would have thought that, he was one
of the jolliest fellows in the world.
But he does not look so now. He
considers it bad domestic policy to
come home looking smiling and
cheerful. It would not only lower
his dignity as master of the house,
but it would encourage his wife and
children into asking all sorts of fa
vors, and the running into, goodness
knows, what extravagances. The only
way, he believes, to keep up proper
household dignity, and reduce the
expenditure of the household to its
proper limits, is to always find fault,
and never relinquish for'a moment,
the system of domestic snubbing.
Of course the coming home of the
Growler is not looked for with joy.
All pleasant influences take wing.
The very atmosphere becomes filled
with depressing or explosive materi
al. The children huddle in. the cor
ner and dare not say anything until
'pa'
er?
Who would be a growl-
Tiie distinction which luxury- and
corruption is making between th'e
people and their representatives was
illustrated in Washington, Saturday
last. William Crntchfield, a repre
sentative from Alabama, walked to
the door of Congress in the honest
attire of a farmer, but that attire was
viewed with suspicion by the door
keeper, who declined to let Crutch
field in until he had been identified
as lelonging to the ranks of broad
cloth and forward pay.
The power of love receives a strik
ing illustration in the case of the
Milwaukee girl who knocked her lov
er heels over head down a flight of
stairs because he wanted to stop kiss
ing long enough to get a good long
Dream.
A pretty poem lately published
tells of a little girl in a'Seoteh feii k
becoming wearv of the minister's
long prayer, stepped softly to his
side, and said, "O, sir, please say
amen !"
Miscellaneous Paragraphs.
One of the attractions at a Tennes
see Fair was a prize of a bushel of
potatoes for the ugliest man rider.
An Eastern paper, under the head
of "Sporting News," copies the an
nouncement that the "Colts of Hart
ford are runningon full time."
Economy has been carried to such
an extent in a certain town in Michi
gan, that a paper-mill had to cease
operations there for the want of rags.
Boston is said to have an election
official who gravely decided that a
certain Mr. Knight was not entitled
to vote in that city, as he "had ex-
imined everv name on the list com
mencing with an N, and his was not
among them."
"Where shall I put this paper, so
as to be sure of seeing it in the morn
ing V" inquired Polly Ann of her lit
tle brother Charles. Charles relin
quished for a moment his hold on
the kittens tail, much to the gratifi
cation of that animal, and said, "I
guess yon had better put it on the
lookm' glass."
At a prayer-meeting in'Maine, re
cently, one of the members prayed
as follows: "Lord, thou knowestt'hat
Charles Tompkins has sold poor
boots to some of us; and, if it should
please Thee, make him do the fair
thing."
"Who is there," exclaimed an en
thusiastic orator, "thatisnot chained
to some rock of the past with the
vulture of Memory tearing at his vi
tals, and screaming forever in the
ears of Conscience."
Major Boyd sold his running horse,
Bed Jacket, to a member of the
boundar3 commission,. The pur
chaser wrote for a pedigree of the an
imal. The Major's answer was short
and to the point : "He was sired by
his father, and damned by every man
that ever owned him.
A preacher took up a collection on
Sunday, and found, when his hat
was returned that there was nothing
in it. "Thank God, said he, turn
ing his hat upside down, and exam
ining it with care, "that I have been
so fortunate as to get my hat back
from this congregation."
A Chicago editor is urged to sell
his right to the word "elsewhere,"
which lias been used so frequently in
his paper for several years past. A
Louisville editor, wants to change
for it the half interest in t lie word
"recently," but the Chicago man is
not disposed to trade.
A country paper says, that iiire
ply to a question from the lecture
committee of the chief town of the
district as to the subject of a lecture
to be given at the institution, the
lecturer telegraphed: "A Taste of
Naples and Borne." The telegraph
made it read, "A taste of Apples and
Bum."
A nice question of taste :
Jeweler What kind of a chain do
yon wish, sir ?
Young man Well, I don't know,
hardly. What kind of a chain would
you think I ought to have: that is,
what sort of a chain would become a
young man who carries groceries to
some of the best families in town?
Another dreadful warning to snuff
takers comes from Columbus, Ohio,
where may be seen the man whom
snuff" sent to the penitentiary. One
night, w hen robbing a bank, yielding
to depraved appetite, he took a pinch
and the fatal sneeze betrayed him.
That sneeze, too, was his last, for in
the penitentiary he is denied the use
of snuff.
Louisville has unwittingly com
mitted itself to a grand temperance
reform by voting to send drunkards
and editors home instead of to the
lock-up. Not even confirmed ine
briates require a second treatment.
Thev usually come out about the
third day a little more bald, and
with a frightened look about the
eyes that tells of the chastening in
fluence of a good Christian home.
A colored preacher held forth as
follows at the funeral of a deceased
brother: "He ruminates no longer
among us. He hab departed from
dis world's cold discrimination. An
when he shall hab arrived at de cold
dry stream of de river Jordan, dar
de Peraphvnis and de Kerosenes will
meet him .and tote him ober to de
silverlasting city.
The nomination of George II. Wil
liams, late Grant's Attorney freneml
to the high office of Chief Justice of
tne united States, has taken the peo
ple by surprise. Villiams was, in
early davs. a District, .Tndo-e in Town
ami later, Senator from Oregon. He
is a man of rather more than the ord
inary calibre, but an unscrupulous
demagogue and partisan. That such
a man should fill the place of a Mar
shall, a Taney, or a Chase, is but ad
ditional evidence of the degeneracy
of the times, and the degrading ten
dencies of liadicalism. It was given
out by Grant's friends, some time
since, that he would astonish the
country by the wisdom of his choice
for Chief Justice. And now. tw in
ffict Williams upon the people for
me, auus to testimony that is al
ready strong, that the" President of
the united States sells out offices
Within his O-ift tn tho biVhest bid
' 1 , - - -' "
der. Why should he. for anv other
reason, appoint Williams ? Ottnm
Demon at.
As a drunken man was staggering
along the Boery not long since, he
saw street cars passing, with different
Colored lights, and gazing at the red,
yellow, blue and green lamps, was
heard soliloquizing. "I must get out
o' this place. It's too sickly. They
are runuin' drug stores around here
on wheels."
J UDGIXG Iir APPEA R A XC1.S. A goodo
story is told in regard to the foliv of o
judging by appearances : A person
dressed in a suit of homespun cloth,
stepped into a house in a citv.on bu
siness, where several ladies' were as
sembled in an inner room. One of
the company remarked ina low tone
that a countryman was in waiting,
and proposed to have some fun. The
following dialogue ensued :
"Y'mi are from the comftrv, I sun
pose ?"
"Yes. I am from the country.
-"Well, sir, what do vou think of
the city ?"
"It uas got a tarnel sight of houses
in it."
"I expect there are a great many
ladies where you eonie from?"
"Oh, yes, a wonderful sight of
them."
"And you are quite a beau among
them, no doubt ?"
"Yes, I beaus em to meetin' and
about, sometimes.
"Mavbe the gentleman will take a
glass of wine," q
"Thankee, don't care if I do."
"But you must give a toast," said
one of the company. O
Imagine the surprise of those pres
ent when the stranger with a grace
ful bow addressed them as follows:
"Ladies and gentlemen: Permit me
to wish you health and happiness,
with every other blessing earth can
afford ; and I advise you to bear in
mind that appearances are deceiving.
You mistook me by mv dress for a -country
booby. I. fr0m the same
cause thought you gentlemen be
cause you were dressed in the garb
of gentlemen. The deception was
mutual. Clood evening."
Arject Poverty. A case of the
most abject poverty, which in a- de
gree serves to show the extremes in
which many of the poorer classes are 0
placed, was reported by 3 police offi
cer at the Home for Little Wander
ers, not long since. The ofuVer. in
the performance of his duties, had
his attention called to two nail-clad
children, wandering about the street
with bare feet and heads, in search
of cold victuals. On investigation,
he found that these children had a
brother and sister at home in bed,
and with no clothes to put on. When
the two became chilled and tired,
they went home and changed place
with the others, who then donned
the rags and took theirtnrn"in beg
ging. The mother was a widow, and
she was obliged to leave herC child
ren every day for her work; in a di
tant part of the city. By her work'
she earned per week, two dollars
of which she gave for the rent of the
room which she and her children oc
cupied. Thfs family of five were o
thus obliged to live on i?l a week,
and such morsels of food as the lit
tle ones picked up from day to day.
Host on Advertiser.
O
j BillAkp ox Taxatiox. Some ol
the political economists of the Cali
fornia press has evidently been ex-
aining into Bill Arp's plan for crush
ing rich men. He saj s:
"I'd tax a man nuthin on an in-
cum of live thousand dollars, and
under. I'd tax ten per cent.on all
between 5 and 10 thousand; twenty
per cent, on all between 10 and 20
thousand, and so on up to 100,000
thousand. Above that I'd take it all,
every tioiiar. And if any of em ever
after got so high I'd take it from em
agin. 1 tell you that would bring em,
every time."
A circumstaxce without parallel in
the military history of this country,
is recorded in Illinois. H. Wheeler,
of Schuyler county, in that State,
enlisted in the United States armr.
under General Lvon. in 1861. was
wounded, captured and paroled, but
bv some strange oversight, was never
discharged from the service until a
few days ago, when the proper pa
pers were made out, and his back
pay and pension amounting to near
??4-.000 were paid him. New' York
Sun.
O
Oxe of the wittiest as well as most
brilliant men Pennslvania ever pro
duced was the late Geo. W. Barton.
of Philadelphia, who once occupied
a seat on the bench. Trying a case
before a Judge who was chiefly re
markable for his obtuseness, Barton q
took occasion to say that he had oft
en seen an unmitigated ass in judi
cial robes. "You speak from expe
rience, I suppose," was the angry re
tort. "Not at all," replied Judge B.
"I am speaking directly from ob
servation." Sellixo out to Pay Taxes. Tha
Manasses (Va.) Guzeti publishes in
an extra advertisingsheetthe land of
nearly half of Prince William coun
ty, Va., returned delinquent for non
payment of taxes, and offered for
sale by the sheriff on that account.
The taxes now due range from 1865
to 1873, inclusive, with six per cent,
per annum. The list embraces five
hundred names, and upwards.
"Well, Tom; doesP your gal con
tinue to love you?"
"Yes, more than ever. Why, she
makes me presents."
"What has she given you lately?"
"Oh, she made me a present of my
picture which I paid five dollars for
before I gave it to her."
Q
A man was indignantly exclaiming
that his knife had been stolen, when
at last one of his neighbors, whose
garden had been robbed a short time
previous, said to him, "I found your
knife among mv cabbages, how came
it there ?' The man was struck dumb.
More than 275,000 gallons of wine
and 75,000 gallons of brandy wereQ
made this year in San Bernardino
county, California. 0
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