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About Oregon City enterprise. (Oregon City, Or.) 1871-188? | View Entire Issue (March 28, 1873)
OREGON CITY, OREGON, FRIDAY, MACRII 28, 1873,
12 1 I II' i
ii iti ii r. sj fii
A LOCAL DEMOCRATIC NEWSPAPER
q P O It T II K
Farmrr, Business )lan, & Family Circle.
ISSUED EVERY FRIDAY.
EDITOR A XI) PUD LIS HER.
OFFICIAL PAPER FOR CLACKAMAS CO.
OFFICE In Dr. Thesslng's F.rick, next
tloor to John Myers' store, tip-stairs.
TcriiH of .Subscription i
Single Copy nc Year, In Advance
" Six Months " " 1.5;)
Terms of Advertising
Transient advertisements, including
all legal notices, 7? square of twelve
line one week 5 2.-ri)
For earn subsequent insertion.- l.'Ht
)ite Coin in ii, one year 1'JO.tHI
i,ir " tin.iH)
quarter" " " - "".''
Business Card. 1 square, one year 12.0!)
F. BARCLAY, Kl. Ft C. 5.
Formerly Surgeon to the Hon. II. R. Co.
Thirty-It ve Yours Eijxrii'nce,
rRAfTiriXG PiU.SlTIAN AM) SURGEON.
Main Street, Oregon City.
J. W. MORRIS, M. D.f
( LATK OF ILLINOIS.)
niVSKTAX A.D Sl'RGEOX,
o i: i: a o -V c t y, o it a a o .v.
Will r -sponil promptly to calls during
eit her day or niirht.
tiliee at Ward's Drugstore. Can be found
at the ;iiir House at night. febHin.r
V. H. WATKSMS,
tn tFFH'F. Odd Fellow's Templo.corner
First and Alder str uts. Residence corner
of Main and Seventh streets.
Drs. Welch A: Thompson,
B"( mi,-. In Odd Fellows Tern 111', corner
of First, and Alder streets. Portland.
Toe patronage of thos" desiring superior
ojM-rations is in sp-cial request. Nitrous
-oii(e tor the p-iinless extraetion of teeth.
' Art illeial teeth " in-tt er t hau the bc&t," and
Hch":ii as the cheapest..
Will be in Oregon t'ltv on Saturday.
CIIAS. K. WARKKX.
. H 'JUL AT & VfARREF
OREGON CITY, - - OREGON.
X"OFFI"B('"harmans brick. Main st.
q "marl"7J :tf.
jos-irjsors a ehccown
ATTORNEYS AM) COL'NSELORS AT-LAW.
Oroson City, Oregon-
ajTWill practice in all the Courts of the
State, jsjueial attention given to cages in
the 1.'. S. l,and Mire at Oregon City.
ORKCOX cm' : : OREGOX.
E Over Pope's
A. F. FORBES,
A T T O li N i : Y A T I. A Y .
OT-Offiee No. 13, Dekum's Ruilding, Port
land, regon. 7niarlS73-tf.
J. T. APPERSON,
OFFICE IN rosTOFFICE DUII.DINCJ.
1 Ti'nili'K, Clnrkaiiini County
"its unit Oregon t'jty Orders
BOUGHT AND SOLD.
Iy:ns negotiated, Collect ions attended
t, and a Uein-ral Ilrokeag.- business carried
0,- Jani.it r.
V. 11. HKS1IFIELD.
e4tnll4heI since ' !, at the oltl stand.
31:iin Strvvt, Oivson City, Oregon.
O An assortment of Wathes, Jewel-
r .auo etti i nomas' v, eiht flocks
. ! 1 t" v.lit..li .. i ... l
i . ' m- t nau uuieu to ue a.S
RVKepairing done on short notice, and
thankful lor pat patronage.
J011X 31. 1UC0N,
IMPtvitTEI AND IEAT.En
in liwks, stai ionery, Perfum
ery. tc. etc.
Orrgon City, Oregon.
tt"At Charrnan A Warner's old stand,
lately occupied by S. Ackenian, Main St.
o ENTERPRISE OFFICE.
For the very lvst photographs, goto Drad
ly A ltulotson's Galery without STAIIi
Acvn4 In tUe Elevator, li) Montgomery
r-ereet, San Francisco, California.
A Pulpit Review of the Credit Mobi!
A SERMON BY REV. LAIRD COLLIER.
Our National MortilWntion.
From the Chicago Tribune.
Thv princes ar fonijiaiiious of thieves;
cVeiv one loveth gilts, ami followeth
sifter rewards. Isaiah, 1 : xxiii.
I come to the consideration of this
matter of Congressional corruption,
of conspicuous names which stand
perjured before the country, with a
personal and patriotic mortiiieation
which I have no words to vindicate
certainly no words to express. I
have no wish to increase a morbid
hunger that feeds upon tales of scan
dal, or that depraved temper which
finds a cloak for one's own moral de
tection in the exposure of another's
or to stimulate self-righteousness,
which usually has blatant or hidden
satisfaction in the downfall or mis
fortune of one's fellows, and which
gives occasion for the Pharisee to
say, "See, 'I am holier than thou.
Every American should rise above
partisan affiliations and considerations
in the very words and tones of voice
brought to the discussion -of this se
rious pass into which the nation is
brought, and with moral earnestness
of spirit, and discretion and sedate
ness of speech, set to work to make
plain the verdict of the popular con
science, and give pledge to one an
other, as citizens of a proud nation,
that the escutcheon so recently soil
ed bv the names of princes who have
"sought gifts, "" followed after re
wards," and -'became the companion
of thieves," shall be made pure and
unsullied, as of old tiling And let
the speediness, unhesitancy and com
pleteness with which we perforin the
duty be the assurance to the nations
of the world and that America has a
moral sense, purpose, and executive-
ness which conceals no wickedness of
those high in place, but remands
them to spheres where less harm can
1m; wrought and their names to the
censure and judicial punishment they
WHAT MORE FITTING OCCASION
could be given a minister of Christ to
teach and impress a lesson of religion?
Let the rulers hear the word of the
Lord, and the people give ear unto
the law of God: "Wash ye, make ye
clean: put awav me evil oi oui uu
ing." It is nothing that corruption has
characterized other times, and rulers
and legislators have been dragged to
the earth and made to wallow in its
mire by bribery, and perlidity, and
peculations; it is nothing that luxury
has been the demon which lias over
borne the consciences of Senators
and Judges in Greek and lioman
times, and that what we call worldi
ness, and what we know to be greed
of gold, has destroyed the reputa
tions and usefulness, and clouded in
shame names otherwise luminous in
the annals of England: it is
NOTHING IX EXTENUATION
palliation ot tins incoming trie
ot corruption, and tins sweepm
away of honorable names into a his
tory of infamy unparallelled in bar-
banc or Christian time, lhe good
name of the nation is certainly cast
down, but Ave are not in despair
These investigations demanded and
now going on are the process of clear
ing away the under brush it is purg
ing the dross lrom the silver, lrm
it is a high marching of moral fates
over the names of men hereto
fore held high in the esteem of their
fellows; the moral and inevitable fatt
of wromr-dointr has sneedilv and be
times overtaken the wrong-doers
The nation is not lacking in
yriCK AND SENSITIVE lTltLIC CON"
It is a splendid spectacle to see the
whole people aroused and indignant
w illimr to have iustice done to the
accused, determined iustice shal
be done the Government. Thoug
names have been enshrined in our
hearts, thev shall be cast from us,
until, by repentance and confession
full and imblie as the exposure, tliev
shall make them worthy to be taken
The whole nation is not morally
stupelied and benumbed.
WE HAVE NOT ALL, GONE TO SLEEP,
nursed to indifference bv a vitiatct
and stilling atmosphere. We have
not all become lovers of pleasure
more than CJod. Some whom we
supposed were serving the Lord wo
have found out were all the time wor
shi))ing Mammon. And the CJod
whom thev serve is powerless to
save them now in the time of their
dire need and extremitv
The details of these Congressional
investigations, I must assume, you
are all familiar with, lhat it was
morally wrong and particularly harm
fill and disparaging for Congress
men to bnv. and hold, and receive
enormous dividends upon the Cred
it Mobilier stocks, that it was known
to be wrong, and that it was an ac
eusing spectre in the consciences of
Senators and lietreseutatives who
bought and handled them, is clearly
shown by the fact of persistent con
cealmenf, and then comes the addet
sin of lying, one of the vilest am
most inexcusable of all sms, concern
ing an oi which. Jlnricrs llccAv, "H
journal of civilization," the emi
nently charitable cartoons of which
you must remember, savs: "There
is a painful feeling that the gentle
men implicated have strangely pre
aiicaieu, ii notumg more. it is
not left for .us to determine the orig
inal morality and wrongfulness of the
transaction. the periurv. to keep it
concealed, tell terribly enough w hat
the men engaged in it themselves
thought of it. I need not recite
THE CATALOG UE OF NAMES IMPLICATED
Indeed, a sermon should always aim
at impersonality, but certain names
are representative, stand for move
ments and causes, and to begin at
te leginning, Mr. Senator Nve '
could not say to Vice President Col
fax what he is reporte'd to have said
to Mr. Senator Patterson, that if he j
wished to get out a patent fool he
should deposit him in the Patent Of
fice for his model. Those who have
known Mr. Colfax best have never
mistaken him for a fool. No man
in America ever played a small card
better or on less capital did a larger
business. He was fortunate in being
a citizen of Indiana, which, if with
out great repute for enlightenment,
has extended renown for religion.
That he was a suitable man to repre
sent his State, Indiana has verily be
lieved. When publicly accused of being a
party to the Pacific Bailroad job, we
all understand that these are the ex
act words of his full, Mat, explicit,
and, for the time, efficient denial:
"Neither Oakes Ames nor any other
person ever gave or offered to give
me one share, or twenty shares, or
two thousand shares, in the Credit
Mobilier or any other railroad stock;
and unfortunately I have never re
ceived or seen the value of a farthing
out of the 270 per cent, dividends,
nor the S0() per cent, dividends, in
cash, stock, and bonds you have read
about every day for the past month
nor 100 per cent, nor 1 per cent, nor
one-tenth of 1 per cent.
IIOW riTIAULE, HOW .SOLEMNLY SAD,
this asseveration in the light of these
recent investigations, testimonies and
And what does Mr. Colfax mean
when he asks for "a suspension of
public opinion?" This is a solecism.
Opinions are not passive, but active;
cannot be kept in abeyance or held
in suspense. And the public are de
cidedly of the opinion that a lie has
been told and sworn to. I o wart I
this man who has been honored be-
ond his due measurement and mer
it by Iris countrymen, words of con
sun? have not 1 leenunmixed with both
haritv ahd scantiness. Indeed, it
i - t i i 1 '
is verv nam ior our v esiern, p radi
al perpendicular texture of thought
o accuse men oi Hypocrisy. ,ur. toi
ax lias set great store bv the ethic
due of rhetoric. It is reported that
within, a few davs, lie sent his card
o a friend bearing the following in-
ription: "Your sorrowful but
truthful friend, Schuyler Colfax,
which has in it a touch of tenderness
it is really pathetic. It is no new
thing, seeking a temperance meeting
in lialtimore as a httmg occasion for
Mr. Colfax to make public proclama
tion of the fact that he desired "to
stand ritrht in tlte sight of God.
SPONGE CAKE SOJIT OF RELIGION
been stock in trade which lias
him p.eavlv as large dividends
as his Credit Mobilier stock.
I hate a man who will kick a dead
dog. and had I not said these things
of Mr. Colfax years ago, and publish
ed them. 1 should consider 1 had no
right to sav them now. . Hut I have
dwavs had cosiderable svmpathv
with the men who might be more
saintly were thev not in righteous
dread of being more hypocritical.
I hope for the purification of Con
gress by this strange providence of
huddling together all these conspic
uously Christian men the rhri-l'mn-statesman
pur e.rrrlhjni Patterson,
Colfax, Pomeroy, Harlan, as the chief
sinners, and this hope has serious
foundation, in the faith that insincer
ity histrionic religion, dramatic piety
is the most heinous sin against both
man and God.
TI1EP.E ALE CIIIJISTIAX STATESMEN
at Washington, and thank God for
them, who carry no placard around
with them, who do not their alms
before men, who say not their pray
ers in the market j daces to be seen
of men, but who put their convic
tionsinto the measures they advocate
and their piety into their votes.
And now listen to these line rhet
orical words which must go with
out comment, for comment is neod-
less and would be only
-of Mr. Sen-
of painful memories
" Of this outrage done to the fair
fame of men who have lived without
reproach for half a century, by driv
ing them into the gaze of the public
with a scourge of epithets which
should be laid upon the lowest crim
inal with caution; of the torture in
Uicted upon men sensitive of their
good names by subjecting them to
legislative inquisition without suffi
cient reason, I may take occasion to
speak elsewhere; but here I close,
simply remarking, if such things are
to continue, all decent men will
leave public life as I do with pleas
ure, and not with regret."
From an officer of this great rail
road, built by the Government that
is, by your money and mine, but
owned neither by the Government
nor ourselves. Mr. Senator Harlan
received 10,000 for electioneering
purposes, when ho himself was a can
didate for re-election.
And finally comes the political
scandal of 3.000 given into the
hands of llepresentative York, of the
Legislature of Kansas, to secure the
re-election of Samuel C. Pomeroy to
ME. HAP.LAN'S HOMILY,
and yon know he knows how to
preach, for this was his profession for
years. This is his sermon ;
" The expenditure of money at
elections is a growing evil. The
apology for using it on one side is that
it is done on the other, and the peril
grows out of the fact that it is often
handled by unscrupulous agents,
who make a use of it not contemplat
ed by those who furnish it. A pub
lic sentiment that will make it peril
ous to a candidate to allow the ex
penditure of money to influence
elections, without restricting its uses
within clearly prescribed limits, is
one that needs strengthening bv all
the arguments our lest men and
purest journals can adduce."
Mr. Harlan is now the editor of a
Washington newspaper, and this he
uses to give savor of sweetness to the
name of Pomeroy:
" We are utterly at a loss to ac
count for such a representation of
Mr. Pomeroy. Those who know
him intimately and well, believe him
to be one of the truest and purest of
public men, as they knew him to bo
one of the most generous. His bene
factions have made hundreds of wor
thv families rejoice. Those who
ought to know him thoroughly re
gard him as singularly unselfish,
caring only for money as be can use
it, not to aggrandize himself, but' to
accomplish some good."
I shall waive all witicisms about
how he made his money, and how he
did care to use it and accomplish
some good with $S,000 of it.
That Mr. Ames is
THE CHIEF OF SIXXEKS,
if we only allude to orUjinal sui, I
That Mr. Wilson, Vice President
elect, was "born in obscurity and
reared in poverty," is not to the point.
That many names of lesser note
are involved and must pass into a
dark chapter of the history of Feder
al legislation, is painfully true.
Our national Congress in many
ways is of higher quality than in the
days we deem its palmiest. There is
broader intelligence, liner average
culture, less profanity, intemperance
and debauchery ; but these last are
not the besetting sins of Congress
men now-a-days. Thev have become
" the champions of thieves; every
one loveth gifts avd followtth after
I take to mv heart deep pain and
unaffected sorrow that the names I
have been compelled to mention in
order to give delinitencss to my
discourse, are all identified with the
interests and worship of the Chris
THE CHURCH CAXNOT RE P.LAMED
by individual infidelity and disloyal
tv. I trust these men are none the
worse by reason of their relations to
the Church. I have no sympathy
with the tlippant allusions of some
newspaper items which scoff at their
religious professions. I shall never
cease to feel the truth of Sir llobert
Peel's admonition: "It is not pru
dent, as a rule, to trust yourself to
any man who tells you that he does
not believe in a God or a future after
death." Heligion and the Church,
which outwardly stands for it, have
for their aim to make men better, and
I do not believe that they ever made
a man "worse. There are base' coin
and counterfeits, but m small pro
portion everywhere to the genuine;
and it is only by reason of the gen
uine that the base and false have any
current value whatever.
We have detected the ostensible
and paraded religion of these men to
be not of the true, but false. And
TO CURE THESE EVILS
of our time, the greed of gold, the
worship of Mammon, corruption,
bribery, peculations and perlidy, I
have no short cut, no new patent,
Only the old time sovereign remedy
can I suggest and earnestly inculcate
imliriiliHtl ifi''r,'f. Lo our youth
hold it as a first and last principle of
lne that integrity is better than
place, that honesty is better than
riches? We must begin at home
witli ourselves and our children
not with conventions and their train
ing, their bending and holv binding
to the standard of the Gospel of
Jesus Christ. Character, splendid
character, must be set before the
THE ONE CRITERION OF WORTH,
not wealth, not conspicuous. What
nave these men gained? It were
better their names had never heen
upon the lips of supercilious and ob
sequious votaries, than that now
thev should lio fiili.,l in tlio d
should be folded in the dark
clouds of bribery, or even suspicion
nd we are come to a time when m
choosing our rulers and legislators,
we must choose between personal
worth and party fealty. So great
was the disinclination of the great
Pericles to the receiving of gifts, so
utter his contempt for riches, that
though the means of raising Athens
to be the richest and most flourish
ing of the Grecian States, he added
not a single coin to the estate he in
herited from his father.
WE MUST SEEK Rl'LEIIS
who are possessed of the spirit of the
Egyptian King, who said he could
better afford to make his subjects
rich than be rich himself
Let us instil that splendid antique
personal self-respect which eharat
terized Seneca when he defiantly said
to the tvraut Nero: "I had rather
offend you by speaking the truth
than please you by lying and liat-
I am persuaded that Congress wiil
do its duty the people must see to
it. This is our Xation proud we
are and ought to be of it; it is the
freest on the earth, and we are the
freest and best favored people. The
nations of the world already know of
our painful mortiiieation. The sec
ond officer of the nation has come to
trial lefore the conscience of the na
tion,' and must before its judicial
tribunal. We .isk not for severe
punishment, nor for any punishment
only an ademiate treatment of al
these names which shall demonstrate
the inliexil.de integrity of the nation
And, my friends,
LET US SEARCH OUR OWN HEARTS.
Have wo ever, in these hearts set
a price upon our own virtue and lion
nstv TT.,,-- lirnn iust in w
vi.i T could make
plain to every individual whom x a o-
dress-to every young mai
ing and starting f " C
that place, and conspiciiousness,
. . T--i
and wealth, and selfish ambition have
to pay great penalty, and afford no
satisfying peace to the soul. Only a
conscience at rest, only duty osten
tatiously performed, only reliance
upon God, and His approval, can
send into our souls the angel of peace,
there to fold his wings and abide.
The world and the fashion therof
passeth away, Oh! how soon and
how suddenly, yes it is like the
morning dew. Dut God, and char
acter and love endure forever. Ilev
erently let us commit ourselves to
Heaven's guidance. Manfully let us
beat back the tempter, till we" are se
cure in the all-atoning sense of strong
assured character. Truly, like Cod
let us love and help one another.
And humbly walking the path of duty
the flowers of beauty and peace shall
spring up, greet, and bless us on the
I'oor Little Stephen C'irard.
RY MAPI" TWAIN.
The man lives in Philadelphia,
who when young and poor, entered
a bank, and says he, "Please, sir,
don't you want a boy?" And the
stately personage said, "No, little
bov, I don.t wan't a little boy." The
little boy, whose heart was too full
for utterance, chewing a piece of
licorice stick he had bought with a
cent he had stolen from his good
and pious aunt, with sobs plainly
audible, and with great globules of
water rolling down his cheeks, glid
ed silently down the marble steps of
the bank. IJending his noble form,
the bank man dodged behind a door
for he thought the little boy was
going to shy a stone at him. I3ut
the boy picked up something and
stuck it in bis poor but ragged jack
et. " Come, here, little boy," and
the little boy did come here; and the
bank man said, "Lo, what pickest
thou up?" And he answered and re
plied, " A pin." And the bank man
said, How do you vote? excuse
me, do you go to Sunday-school?"
and he said lie did. Then the bank
man took down a pen made of pure
gold, and How ing with pure ink, and
he wrote on a piece of paper, " St.
Peter," and he asked the little boy
what it stood for, and he said "Salt
Peter." Then the bank man said it
meant " Saint Peter." The little bov
Then the bank man took, the lit lie
boy to his bosom, and the little boy
said "Oh!" again, for he squeezed
him. Then the bank man took tin
little boy into partnership, and gave
him half the proiits and all the cap
ital, ami he married the bank man's
daughter; and now all he has is all
his, and Jill his own, too.
STORY OF ANOTHER GOOD LITTLE ROY.
My uncle told me this story, and I
spent six weeks picking up pins in
front of a bank. 1 expected the bank
man would call me in and say,
"Little boy, are you good ?" and I
was going to say, " Yes;" and when
he asked me what "St.
for, I was going to say "Salt John."'
But I guess the bank man wasn't
anxious to have a partner, and I guess
the daughter was a son, for one day
says he to hie, "Little boy, what's
that you're picking up?" Says I,
awful meekly, "Pins." Says he,
"Let's see 'em. And he took 'em,
and I took oil' my cap, all ready to
go in the bank and become a partner,
and marry his daughter. But I
didn't get "any invitation. lie said,
"Those pins belong to the bank, and
if I catch you hanging around here
any more I'll set the dog on you!"
Then I left, and the mean old cuss
kept the pins. Such is life as I find
A Jacksoxiax Peroration. A
correspondent gives the Hopkins
ville, Ky., X:nr Em the following as
a speech' made by General Jackson,
when he was yet a poor backwoods
lawyer in Tennessee, and unknown to
fame: "He was employed to prose
cute a negro for the murder of an
other in a tit of jealousy, and in his
speech to the jury was the following
paragraph: "No more shall the
voice of the poor murdered man be
heard in the songs of the merry corn
huskings. No more shall he pluck
the siiowv cotion ball. No more
oi.oii tiw. "forests resound with the
echoes of his hunting
ln" 1o-"s lie chased the
horn as with
the coon. No more shall his nimble
feet keep time to the music of the
banjo as he patted juba and cut the
pigeon wing. That voice, once so
iovful is now hushed in death. Ihose
J . -i ... . rtn.I
, .c.iiico so ague are imm "K''1"1"1
strll. His body now lies upon
i.t .".i- ,,-Ti...l turf, with his bip
pointing up to the blue arched vault
Not Maggie's Fault. An Irish
man who had just landed went to see
his sister, who was married to a
Yankee. The couple lived very hap-
;i,. fre'ct her ami wnen iai
ii.,r ntleman took him over
plaee'to show it to him. Pat
evidence of prosperity, said
"Begorra, vou are very happy here,
with this fine property to live on;
me sister had good luck, intirely, so
she hed, in getting you for a hus
band." " Vh yes, " responded the marr ied
man, "vc would be happy but for
"And what's that?" asked Pat.
"Ah Pat," returned the gentleman,
" I am sorry to say that we have no
"No children!" exclaimed Pat;
" thin, begorra, i'ts not me sister
Maggie's fault, for she had two before
1 she left Ireland, and that's the ravson
, , ,i a. i. ... i i m"
me lamer sini ner 10 America i
. , j
;-ome oiu anuv ouiions. useu as
r, 1 1 v..ii T
, lavthi h a ;ahy iu Io 1roVcd
to be hollow, with a five dollar green
i back folded in each.
Sweet home A beehive.
" Safety-Matches. " Love-match-
Handy book-markers Dirty
Always driving things A hammer.
The Bone of Contention. The jaw
bone. A Man of Low Extractions. A
"When is a mother a father? "When
she's a sigher (sire).
The right of weigh What we don't
get at many shops.
Can a man be said to pay as he
goes if he sleeps on tick?
Why is a thriving tradesman like
ice? Because he is solvent.
A Legitimate inference That a
dentist's office is a drawing-room.
To Find a Good Book-keeper.
ply at any circulating library.
Why is an infant like a diamond?
Because it is a dear little thing.
A woman who tells fortunes from
a teacup is not necessarily a sauceress.
When is a lady like a show-window?
When she takes great pains with
A punster challenged a sick man's
vote at the city election on the ground
that ho was an ill legal voter.
The total numl er of deaths in New"
York last year was 02,047, an increase
of o,071 on the mortality of 1S71.
Hard work is the price asked for
success, and it can be purchased with
no other kind of currency.
A Buffalo paiter announces that bv
the recent burning of an ice house
there. 200.1 mrj tons of ice were re
duced to ashes.
A man had an aching tooth, and
had it pulled out. He savs he forgot
the pain directly it was out of his
What is the difference between
carpenter and a flower merchant?
None whatever; thev are both floor
The man who ate his dinner with
the fork of a river has sprained his
foot while attempting to spin a moun
A seaport paper tells of a skipper
who thinks it curious that such a little
thing as his barometer "should in
lluence the weather."
A Becent won, on gardening is
called "The Six of Spades." "The
Hake's Progress " would not be an
inappropriate title for a sequel.
A trifle from the British Associa
tion (). What is the difference be
tween fixed stars and shooting stars?
A. The one are suns; the other dart
ers. A would be suicide in Maine is go
ing to sue the apothecary who sold
him arrowroot instead of arsenic for
obtaining money under false pretens
es. The gentleman so often spoken of
in novels, who rivited jteople with
his gaze, has obtained employment
in a boiler-manufactory, with extra
par, ou account of his peculiar facul
ty."' I-.ecept For Making a How. Walk
along the pavement of a crowed thor
oughfare with a ladder on your
shoulder, and turn round every two
minutes to see if any body is making
faces at you.
Somebody inquiring at the Spring
field, 111., Post Office for a letter for
Mike Howe received the gruff answer
that there was no letter there for any
A cheerful giver put the following
note in a pair of pantaloons sent to
the Michigan sufferers: "There now
take 'em. " Last pair I've got. Don't
get burnt out again."
"Mamma, a brooklet means a little
brook, doesn't it, and an eaglet a lit
tle eagle?" Yes, my darling.' 'Then
ma. does an eyelet mean a little eye,
and hamlet a little ham?"
"Six feet in his boots!" exclaimed
Mrs. Beeswax. "What will the im
pudence of this world come to, I
wonder? Why, they might as avoII
tell me that the man had six heads
in his hat."
Mary McArdle lately died in Feng
hal, Ireland, at the age of 115 years.
Her strong point was she worked
with the reapers last harvest, and
kept up with a frisky youth of 77.
Hazardous! Husband: "If cook
isn't punctual to-day, love, give her
blow- her up well!' Wife, My dear
Charles! Well, will you come and
stand ltehind the door with your life
In response to an inquiry of a sci
entific publication; "Whence comes
fleas?" a western journal says it does
not care a pickle, but would like to
know where in thunder they go to
when you look for them.
Bus, a kiss; rebus, kiss again; plur
ibus, to kiss irrespective of sex; syl
dabus, to kiss the hand instead of Hie
lips; blunderbus, to kiss the wrong
person; omnibus, to kiss all promis
cuously4, erebus, to kiss in the dark.
As soon as the House passes the
appropriation bill of 50,000 for the
issue of the new postal cards the Post
master General will immediately
commence work upon them, and issue
them as soon as possible.
The extraordinary demand for iron
and coal is causing the development
of new sources of supply in Lurope
Lngland now draws on Spain and
Ireland for iron ore, while new coal
mines have been opened in the latter
What an Did Man has Noticed.
I have noticed that all
lonest wdien well watched.
I have noticed that pulses
hold pennies as well as pounds.
1 have noticed that merits is always
measured in the world by it's success.
j. nave noticed mat in nearly an
things money is the main object in
view. O O
I have noticed that in order to bo
a reasonable creature it is necessary
at times to be downright mad.
I have noticed that some men aro
honest that necessitv compels
them to be dishonestcin the end.
I have noticed that silks, broail
cloths and jewels are often bought
with other people's money.
I liave noticed that whatever is
right, with a few exceptions the
eft eve, the left leg, Qind the left
side of a plum pudding.
I have noticed that the prayer oi
every selfish man is " Forgive us
our debts, while he makes everbody
who owes him pay to the utmost far
I have noticed that he who thinKs
every man a rogue is very certain to
see one when he shaves himself, arfil
io ought, in mercy to his neighbor,
to surrender the rascal to justice.
I have noticed that money is the
foil's wisdom, the knave's reputation,
the poor man's desire, the covetous
man's ambition, ami the idol of all.
I have noticed that all men speak
well of all men's virtue's when they
arc dead, and that tombstones are
marked with epitaphs of the good
and virturtus. Is there anv particu
lar cemetrv where the bad men aro
Political Sermons. Some yean
since, a suostanuai iarmer in tiio
State, who was a Federalist, had a
servant man who was a violent Dem
ocrat. The farmer went to attend
church himself, tried hard to prevail
upon his servant to do the same.
But in vain. He persisted m spend
ing his Sabbaths at home. On IteingO
asked why he was so opposed to go
ing to church, his answer was, "Be
cause the parson is forever preaching
The farmer, thinking that the ar
gument would be overcome if he
could only once get his servant to
hear his minister, hired him n a
certain Sabbath morning to go. On
returning home, the servant said:
"There, it was just as, I told you it
would bo; all politics, from beginning
to end." Ow
"No,' said the farmer, "not so,
there was not a word of 2olitics in
the whole discourse."
"Yes, said the servant "there was
the text "was tolitics.
"Why, what was it?" said the farm
er. "This," said the servant ;" 'If the
Federalists scarcely be saved, where
will the cursed Democrats appear?'"
"No, it was-not, was the reply.
"On the contrary, it-was "If ;the
righteous scarcely be saved, where
shall the ungodly and oinner ap
2ear?" "I know it, watf the answer, but,
darn him I knew what he meant!"
The following article from the New
York Stu will give an idea of tho
condition of some of the
women of that citV:
Margaret McMahon. a scamstress.
was arrested in Brooklyn vesterdav.
on complaint of Miss Phillips, of 3H8
Fifth avenue, who charged that she
had stolen and pawned a quantity of
clothing which had been given her
to make Tip. Miss Phillips takes
contracts from a New York clothing
house for making garments, and lets
the work out in Brooklyn.
At the trial yesterday it transpired
that Margaret McMahon had taken
clothing home to finish at the follow
ing rates: Four pairs of pantaloons
price to be paid, seventeen cents ;
twelve pairs drawers, fifty cents;
twenty-one pairs drawers, one dollar;
six shirts, twenty-five cents.
" Yes, I pawned the pantaloons,"
she said, " to keep my family from
starving. Miss Phillips refused to
pay me lor what 1 had done because
I did not finish the work as soon as
she wanted me to. I got 2 for
Justice Mai ten "How long were
you making tho articles you have
Prisoner "Nearlv a week, work
ing night and dav."
Justice (to Miss Phillips) " You
will pay this woman for her work im
mediately." (to prisoner) "You. are
Mrs. McMahon was accompanied
in Court by her four children-,, the
oldest being eight years old.
A Mystery. Two darkies had
bought a piece of pork, and Sam,
having no place to put his in, trust
ed the whole to" Julius's keeping.
Next morning they met, when Julius
" A most strange thing happened
at my house last --night, Ssmi- All
mystery to me. "
"Ah, Julius, what was dat?"'
"well, Sam, this mornin' I went
down into the cellar to get a piece of
pork for breakfast, and I put my
hand down into the brine, and felt
all round, but no pork dere all
gone couhl'nt tell what be went
with it; so I turned upOde barrel,
and Sam, as true as preuchinpde rats
eat a hole clear fru de bottom ob de
barrel, arid de dragged pork all out."
"Why did'nt de brine run out of
de hole" " Ah, Sam, dat is de mys
Chief Justice Chase is represented
as having changed from the hand
some, smooth-faced, portly man of
the past, to a tall, heavy, thin roan,
with a yellow beard. His mind is
clear, but his voice is weak and the?
thin lips quiver from parlysis. Hd
is the ghost of his former self.